i saw the memories i never had in the dreams i wanted to live. no difference between the distance between me and them, and between heaven and hell. or purgatory, at least. i saw the most demented thoughts buried just beneath the surface, and, as the rain pitter pattered over the grass, the thunder glanced above it, sure that it will never strike. my heart still stopped that day. i saw the least repented outlaws and their violent crimes in the pictures i painted inside my head, their eyes rotten and their will unjust. i didnt want to stay, yet here i am. i saw the inmortal remains of my mothers orbiting around my brain. i extended my arms upwards, like antennas to the sky, but their voices never reached so far. i saw the daughter i wanted to be, but my voice didnt reach so far.