Date - 1/24/25 Album - Pink Flag Artist - Wire Release - 1977 Genre - Punk/Art Punk/Post-Punk Heard it before? - Y Heard OF it before? - Y

Album - Exile in Guyville Artist - Liz Phair Genre - Indie Rock/Lo-fi Heard it before? - N Heard OF it before? - Y While unfairly dismissed by some critic somewhere as "female Pavement" or "the prequel to Alanis Morrisette," both unfair claims, I found this album to be one of great importance...but not to me. I am a male. I will never have to experience the issues discussed in the writing here. And ultimately I think that's what soured my reception of it. It does what it sets out to do in that regard. Still, it can procure tuneful moments (6'1", Fuck and Run, Never Said, Divorce Song) but never seems to get a consistent pattern or idea down, outside of the lyrical themes of course. 6/10

Album - Slippery When Wet Artist - Bon Jovi Release - 1986 Genre - Glam Metal/Pop Metal/Pop Rock/Hard Rock Heard it before? - N Heard OF it before? - Y One thing I like about criticism is learning about a critic's personal connection to the art through their life, emotions, career etc. As someone with a 52 year old dad who got divorced when I was 1, I think I can finally qualify for a review similar to the ones I enjoy best. The singles ("Livin' On a Prayer," "You Give Love a Bad Name," "Wanted Dead or Alive") are naturally burnt into my brain against my will, but like most songs like that, they come differently when in an album context. I get why they've been played into the ground by throwback radio stations and karaoke goers, they're good songs. Except for "Never Say Goodbye." It's 80s hair metal, shitty ballads are par for the course, but it still doesn't excuse their shittiness. The other cuts seem to reach for a purpose before being shut down by 80s-isms that plague them, like incorrect use of reverb ("Let it Rock") or those fake horns ("Social Disease.") The second side proves better, "Raise Your Hands" being a song buried in the back of my head and "Without Love" being a song that's also decent enough to mention but also decent to the point that I don't have anything to say about it. I have no reserved nostalgia for this album, but I do remember it, and I think that gives it some purpose in this list. Shot through my ears, and they're to blame, Bon Jovi gave hair metal a good name, or the best name it could have, at least. 5/10

Album - Horses Artist - Patti Smith Release - 1975 Genre - Punk Rock/Art Punk/Garage Rock Heard it before? - N Heard OF it before? - Y The poetry was a lot better integrated than I expected, but I just cannot encode what she's saying. Lyrics have never been my strong suit to be honest. I don't know. Like I love Television, but I love them for the guitar interplay and jazzy atmosphere they create, despite still being simple. The lyrics about doing drugs in Manhattan are just a bonus to me. Television has hooks. The Velvet Underground have hooks. Patti doesn't. [Horses] has it's moments of almost-punk-but-not-like-proto-punk-and-there's-a-piano for sure, but unless you really like the poetry you probably won't get that much out of this one. 6/10

Album - Post Orgasmic Chill Artist - Skunk Anansie Release - 1999 Heard it before? - N Heard OF it before? - N I couldn't finish it. This specific flavor of heavy stuff doesn't really click with me. Except for Skin. She can belt man. She's got range. 4/10

Album - Layla And Other Assorted Love Songs Artist - Derek and The Dominos Release - 1970 Heard it before? - N Heard OF it before? - Y When discussing a controversial musician, one must ask, "Is it worth it?" Is the art good enough to consider separation from the artist? Think Kanye West, Morrissey, Chris Brown etc. Personally, I think that the quality of ones art should never excuse and diminish their wrongdoings. I used Kanye and Morrissey as examples, and I enjoy both artists but their views do greatly discern me and I have no sympathy for them as people. All of this to say that I think there is no greater example of controversy diminishing artistic appeal than this album. It is 76 minutes of Eric Clapton's trite white blues scratch nonsense. If there was any album that coined boomer rockist pretentions, it was Layla. It feels like background music from Forrest Gump in the worst way, (no hate to the Forrest Gump soundtrack,) and only the title track and the circumstances surrounding it's existence can give this an additional point rounded down. Also, Robert Christgau, I'm ashamed. 2/10

Album - Hunky Dory Artist - David Bowie Release - 1971 Genre - Art Pop/Pop Rock Heard it before? - Y Heard OF it before? - Y Bowie’s first truly great album. It seems to take a backseat to the glam years, which while understandable makes it somewhat more special. It takes a lot of cues from Sgt. Pepper in its instrumentation, but while that album’s orchestra and brass seemed bombastic, this one prefers to make it subdued. Less street parade, more live musical theater. The pianos are really pretty too. It’s lighter on the electric guitar than the albums that followed, but when it does appear (“Eight Line Poem,” “Queen Bitch”) it’s seems to be another piece in the overall machine, which fits these songs perfectly. I was going to make a longer review for this one but it’s Friday and I don’t think this is the kind of album that needs some framing review like the previous ones I got. It’s great piano-driven artsy pop from a brilliant songwriter, what more needs to be said? 9/10

Album - Public Image: First Issue Artist - Public Image Ltd. Release - 1978 Genre - Post-Punk Heard it before? - Y Heard OF it before? - Y Do you ever have a piece of media that you know is objectively bad but you can't help but enjoy? This is one of those. I'm a big character analysis guy, and this album is a great look into the decaying egotistical mind that is John Lyndon. Don't get this twisted, I don't actually like Lyndon or care about his high-school dropout level commentary of religion and the music industry, but I enjoy him from an analysis perspective. Kind of like how I think Motley Crue's "The Dirt" is a good book because it also shows you egotistical assholes still pretending like they matter (although admittedly, Crue are far worse actual people) but I would gladly punch one of or all of their dicks if given chance. But enough about Lyndon. The actual music varies in quality, but there are consistent elements across the whole. The droning chord progressions, reverb drumming and heavy bass make a sickening thrill of song. If you need to know about the music on this album, that's really all you need to know. It's bad. It's supposed to be bad. If "Bollocks" was John's life, this is his slow, slow death. He wants to be loved for being hated. He wants it so bad, he'll make an 8 minute dub song tacked onto the end about it ("Fodderstompf.") Well, bloody fine then John. Here's your fucking positive review. I'm not laughing with you, I'm laughing at you. 7/10

Album - Talk Talk Talk Artist - The Psychedelic Furs Release - 1981 Heard it before? - Y Heard OF it before? - Y I say “heard before” but it has been a solid year since I first listened to this album and forgotten it completely, except “Pretty In Pink.” Sadly, I think it’s a weak follow up to their debut, that defines the term “Sophomore Slump.” Whereas the debut was bouncing off the walls with saxophones and flanger pedals, this one wants to be both poppier and artier at the same time. It doesn’t really work out, and things start to get unbearable by the 2nd side mark. Sadly, I have to side with the “generic” crowd on this one.

Album - Eagles Band - The Eagles Release - 1972 Genre - Country Rock/Folk Rock/Rock and Roll Heard it before? - N Heard OF it before? - Y Another one I couldn't finish. Just as the album art and logo would have you believe, it's boring country rock. Given the benefit of the doubt, it's not mindless. Of course "Take it Easy" is the only thing to salvage from this album. But other than that, I just can't see this being a "required listen" from people who weren't there or didn't grow up with it. I am starting to learn that this list is really incoherent and doesn't always catalog the albums that have properly stood the test of time and are actually worth hearing before you die. 1/10

Album - Time Out Of Mind Artist - Bob Dylan Release - 1997 Genre - Blues Rock/Country/Blues/Rockabilly Heard it before? - N Heard OF it before? - Y I feel guilty for not finishing what this website generates me but this one just depressed me with it's boredom. Do you like blues? Not really? Then don't waste your time. Bonus point for "Standing In The Doorway." 2/10

Album - Fever to Tell Artist - Yeah Yeah Yeahs Release - 2003 Genre - Garage Rock Revival/Art Punk/Dance Punk Heard it before? - Y I get why people don't like music from the garage rock revival. It makes perfect sense to me. This stuff was hyped to hell and back and it just sounds...okay? Undefined? Too simple to the point of being boring? I get it. But maybe I'm just a total sucker. The power source is Karen O, her provocative, effect-processed vocals being held up by Nick Zinner's sweat-soaked guitars and Brian Chase's pulsating drums for a definition of energy. Aside from the ensemble, the music overall feels very honest. Karen is hardly playing a character; you see her pride ("Date With The Night," "Man," "Black Tongue,") her vulnerability ("Pin," "Maps," "Y Control,") and just general sense of fun. I don't know what else to say, I don't think anything else should be said about it. It's a noisy blast to the face by 2 white guys and a girl who won't shut up, and I am here for it. But I also know it's not for everyone, not in a "high art" way but in the "this is annoying and stupid" way. 8/10

Album - Entroducing… Artist - DJ Shadow Release - 1996 Genre - Instrumental Hip Hop/Trip Hop/Plunderphonics/Sampledelia Heard it before? - N Nothing has ever defined “not my scene” for me more than this album. It was made by and for sample nerds. It’s a bunch of cut and pasted samples strewn together by quality drumbeats. While I can understand the appeal and artistry of music like this, it just doesn’t work for me. I’m not even sure it would work if I was a dedicated hip hop fan. Isn’t half the appeal of the genre the rapping? 2/10

Album - OK Artist - Talvin Singh Release - 1998 Genre - Electronica/Indian Classical/Exotica Ok. 1/10

Album - Billion Dollar Babies Artist - Alice Cooper Release - 1973 Genre - Hard Rock/Glam Rock/Heavy Metal Heard it before? - N While I'm more partial to "Love It To Death," this album did surprise me. While I often see a lot of critics over-exaggerate the shock aspects of Alice Cooper, I think this album deserves it. It felt like it was sneaking low-budget horror movie theatrics into a Led Zeppelin shell. Jimmy Page may have been making deals with the devil, but Alice Cooper WAS the devil. It's hard to not make a comparison, both in shock value and sound, but the music does feel distanced from all 70s Zeppelin-era hard rock nonsense, much like Queen. If you want to make a hard rock album that is retro-sounding but still distant from all of that, use this as a blueprint. The most surprising thing about this album to me is finding out that the band is from Pheonix, Arizona. Who the hell lives there? My uncle lives there, I guess. But really, who the hell lives there? What's so interesting about the middle of the desert? 7/10