1001 Albums Summary

Vaguely musical singing. It sounds closer to some guy making shit up on the fly than a written, thought-out album. "Ay, more strings! Put a bunch of gregorian chanters in the background too while I go OOOooooOAAAAoooooaaaaaa" and bitch and moan. This sucked and I am disappointed by it and by the people who said they were influenced by it. At least some of them made way better music than whatever this is.

Dripping with rotten, rank cheese, but he lives his life in an outcast tribe, you see? So you just can't relate. You can't relate to the repetitive, awful samples, ridiculously comical mixing/production...oh, and don't forget 9 heaping scoops of MIDI slap bass and whatever other stuff comes out of the keyboard when we turn this knob and hit this button. Leave it in! It's so powerful and spiritual to have harmonicas, harpsichords, clean guitars with a flanger/phaser cranked all the way to the max, and a bunch of record scratching all crammed together like a bunch of unfolded clothes stuffed into the closet before mom comes home and makes sure you cleaned your room. And also make sure to start almost every song by screaming like a cartoon dog who stepped on a rake--SURPRISE! 3 SECOND GUITAR SOLO! Now back to the same 4 MIDI bass notes for another 4 minutes and that poorly cut sample with the noise in the beginning (fuck it, who cares!). If it's going to be all bass and a boom bap, you should make sure that it at least sounds good and isn't mixed like hot ass. But nobody did that here. Nobody seemed to have their ears on when they made this, and that made me sad and angry. Mostly angry. I haven't felt this way in a while, so at least there's that, but I seriously doubt this was what they intended for the listener to feel. But fuckin... "I don't want just a sex partner, a female friend, a buddy, to be played with like silly putty" ...like, really dude? Nobody thought to say, hey, maybe this is dog shit and you should try again? It's one step away from "My name is Darren and I'm here to say: eat your vegetables every day!" Look, this was a tough listen, as close to a DNF as I've gotten so far, and I already listened to fucking Scott Walker 4. This pissed me off. "...except a certain feMALE with all nEW FEAchurrrs, but I knew NOT her NAME" okay dude. "Dawn of the Dreads" might legitimately be the worst rap song I've ever heard - the horribly-mixed, shitty synth bass going "bom - bOM - BIMM" the whole goddamn time, mixed with.......HARMONICA?? and keyboard horn section??? at the end it breaks down into nothing, like they forgot to finish it and had to press the album. it sounds like a Ween song, but not. even. fucking. CLOSE to as good. they just hit a couple keys right next to each other until they liked what they got, and it's...just awful. seriously bad and embarrassing. No fucking wonder it took 3 years, 5 months, and 2 days for them to get signed. Every label they talked to had a brain larger than a peanut. a game of HORSE SHOESSSSSS For something that is supposed to be a statement about empowerment and pride, there is a shocking lack of polish, care, and attention to detail; mostly there is just a whole lot of "I wanna be sleepin' deep in you", which is funny to think about. If I ever passed out with my dong inside someone, they would probably feel really insecure and sad, but also might Narcan me, which would likely be very unpleasant for all involved: I have to tug my slick, half-greasy flaccid weiner out of her dried out vagina, I vomit a little in my mouth and recoil in pain as all my body's endorphins are simultaneously rejected and forced out of my brain - my body reflexively sharts on her gray jersey sheets a little ("I swear I didn't do that on purpose... you just Narcan'd me dude...") - we lock eyes in mutual shame and disbelief, and I order a pizza for delivery - pepperoni and sausage, why not? "...yeah, the apartment on the corner of the house.........sure....yeah, garlic knots.......just marinara is fine.......cash....okay thanks, bye". I look over at her and say "30 minutes" and hear the faint buzz of her vibrator, the mechanical whirring of a silicone-coated little knob. She moans, I again recoil in pain, this time because I am being emotionally and sexually dominated by a lithium-ion battery and $0.06 worth of rubbery plastic. I never should have taken that walgreens benadryl, but she has 4 cats - what else was I supposed to do? 1/5 and by the grace of god I will never hear this again. Wow. I was upset when I wrote this. Umm...the review stands. Maybe not as awful as it reads but, I didn't enjoy this.