Sweet Baby JamesJames Taylor
Oh Sweet Baby James, you sinister, demented villain. Laying your sappy brand of sap upon the world with merciless vigor, coating the masses in a film of safe, gentle sweetness. The world is stagnant because of you, failing to venture into richer realms of funk and rock, treading circular to nowhere, listening easy and listening safe, the soft drips of the acoustic dragging them all to the ground day by day, with each adult mix blend station play. You and your gaggle of singer/songsucker demons not only won the mid seventies, but irre-“vocally” tainted the hearing skills of so many for ages to come. I will not succumb to it. In my mind sunny skies are not a persons name but an adjective and plural noun. I refuse to be bewitched by your light voice and simplistic stylings, I find refuge in drum beats, in guitars electric, in songs not stupid. You have dulled the souls of millions, Sweet Baby James, but you will not weaken mine, for I too have seen fire and rain, and I know the truth of them. Fire is hot and rain is wet. You, Sweet Baby James are mild and dry.