1001 Albums Summary

Y’know, starting this experiment, I thought that, in my first few weeks, that I was too nice, too forgiving. Thankfully, I’ve been able to disprove that in the past week or so, because I’ve been getting almost exclusively bad/mediocre records. And this, a torturous endeavor of trite, sloppy and annoying blues and 50’s rock pastiches, where the only acceptable song is a cover of a Robert Johnson song that I’d much rather listen to, might just take the fucking cake as the worst so far. The only positive is that it’s only 30 minutes, so I can be done with it sooner than later.

Longest wait for “Free Bird” I’ve ever had to endure. -1 star, partially because I’m just irritable today, and partially for proudly supporting one of the most repugnant and embarrassing failed attempts at a nation-state in the history of man. Never forget that the Confederacy only lasted for 4 fucking years, and was an enormous economic and domestic disaster for all states involved. Anyone thinking that it’s something worth celebrating is not just an ignorant white supremacist, but also a historically/politically illiterate moron.

Kings of Leon are, most likely, the absolute fucking worst band in the known universe, lest it be found that there’s a band on goddamn Alpha Centauri that is, in fact, less listenable. They’re certainly the shittiest band on Earth, at least. And accordingly, this is one of the worst albums I’ve ever heard, indeed, probably the worst that the generator’s given me (… so far), and know, dear reader, that that’s no small feat. If I am to throw Kings of Leon a bone, it’s that they almost give me hope that I, one day, can make it big in the music industry, because I can easily make something better than this any day of the week. And this album, to it’s credit, also gives me perspective on what really good albums are like, with that being, more or less, them doing the exact opposite of what “Only by the Night” does. Since I cannot give an accurate description of the experience of listening to this album without devolving into screeching gibberish like a fucking monkey, I invite you to picture the following: Corporate bigwigs attempting to reconstruct the Strokes by just going off of Pitchfork reviews, and never actually listening to their music. Rule-abiding rebellion. The worst Mercury Award nominated band you’ve heard in your life: American edition. Christian rock if you removed all of the lyrics about Jesus, and, with great effort, replaced them with even more moronic ones. The music the type of guy who puts up a Confederate flag in public (including in states that weren’t Confederate/didn’t own slaves!) listens to. The heaviest song that your local Applebee’s store playlist would ever include. Your creepy high school gym teacher’s new “hard rock” band. Arctic Monkeys if they were the product of two cousins liking each other too much. Hillbilly Coldplay. Music for people who hate music. Put all of these together, and you have a close approximation of the inhumane torture session, that is “Only by the Night”. If I could give this 0 stars, I would. If I could give this negative stars, I would. I suppose until then, a 1/5 will suffice. And the worst part is, on the generator, there are TWO MORE FUCKING KINGS OF LEON ALBUMS JESUS CHRIST FUCKING KILL ME.