My 1001 Albums Journey

Album	You	Global	Diff
New Boots And Panties Ian Dury	5	2.7	+2.3
Swordfishtrombones Tom Waits	5	2.95	+2.05
More Specials The Specials	5	2.96	+2.04
Meat Is Murder The Smiths	5	3.32	+1.68
Parklife Blur	5	3.38	+1.62
More Songs About Buildings And Food Talking Heads	5	3.42	+1.58
Odelay Beck	5	3.46	+1.54
Talking Heads 77 Talking Heads	5	3.56	+1.44
Franz Ferdinand Franz Ferdinand	5	3.57	+1.43
Let's Stay Together Al Green	5	3.76	+1.24

Album	You	Global	Diff
Highway 61 Revisited Bob Dylan	1	3.77	-2.77
A Love Supreme John Coltrane	1	3.63	-2.63
Beggars Banquet The Rolling Stones	1	3.62	-2.62
In The Court Of The Crimson King King Crimson	1	3.6	-2.6
Here's Little Richard Little Richard	1	3.56	-2.56
Head Hunters Herbie Hancock	1	3.55	-2.55
Violent Femmes Violent Femmes	1	3.5	-2.5
Play Moby	1	3.47	-2.47
All Directions The Temptations	1	3.45	-2.45
The Dark Side Of The Moon Pink Floyd	2	4.42	-2.42

Artist	Albums	Average
Talking Heads	2	5

Artist	Albums	Average
Bob Dylan	3	1.33
Bruce Springsteen	3	2

Artist	Ratings
Peter Gabriel	4, 1

Eminem

4/5

A pop culture assault and cartoon violence rap masterclass.

Beatles

5/5

The first true concept album. A groundbreaking innovation in music. Highlights for me are always Within You Without You, She's Leaving Home and A Day In The Life. Just sublime, especially ADITL, I think it's one of their finest examples of a Lennon and McCartney song i.e. part bleak and biting, and part jolly and bouncing. From the use of combs on Lovely Rita, to the pieces of tape randomly put together to make Wurlitzer noises on Mr Kite, this album always seemed like it was from another planet. I thought I'd hate listening to When I'm 64 and Fixing A Hole as I see them as songs for kids in a way, but they're brilliant too. Can't fault this masterpiece.

Everybody Knows This Is Nowhere

Neil Young & Crazy Horse

2/5

I found this all a bit dull. There are some pleasant lyrics and vocal arrangements at times, but I found it quite whiny. The guitars throughout meandered and irritated me, bit indulgent, and lacking character or conviction. Title track was my favourite.

Yankee Hotel Foxtrot

Wilco

1/5

This is soulless and aimless pap. Hated the delivery and annunciation throughout. At times, it sounds a bit like Eels, Flaming Lips, early Beck, but pales in comparison. The overall production is pretty good. Not an album or artist that resonates with me I'm afraid.

A Rush Of Blood To The Head

Coldplay

3/5

Pretty good album. I think the first half is loaded with better songs, and the ones that are good are exceptional. Nice vocals, guitar, piano. Some great songwriting.

Rage Against The Machine

2/5

I hate Tom Morello's dentist drill guitar solos. I had to take 3 Ibuprofen after this album. I have similar feelings about the slap bass. Unless it's Soul or Funk, leave slap bass alone, especially you Rap Metal. I think Rage fans romanticise this album being powerful. Musically it's just hectic, and lyrically it's not as clever as people go on about. I can see why Killing In The Name was popular, at least it's anthemic. Bullet In The Head was probably my favourite, started with a good hook, interesting sections, and then that solo! Just a smorgasbord of abnormal stool samples. By Wake Up, I couldn't believe there was still so much album left. I'll give Rage their flowers in the form of a 2, and that's just for actually following through with their activism, something that is often lamented by those with no real intention to fight for anything. If they pop up again in this list, my rating won't be so kind. Doubt they will though, seen as they really didn't do much else, and this is considered their best effort.

After The Gold Rush

Neil Young

4/5

Exquisite vocal performances and impassioned songwriting made this one of my favourites so far. Only Love Can Break Your Heart is the stand out track, and holds nostalgic significance for me. Such a heavy and beautiful concept, expertly delivered. It's sacrilege to say, but I also love St Etienne’s cover. Other highlights are After The Gold Rush, great piano on that one, Southern Man has a jerky guitar solo that goes off the rails, and I Believe In You is another triumph in songwriting. I don't even mind the little incident tracks, nice breaks between the ballads.

Swordfishtrombones

Tom Waits

5/5

Murky, vaudevillian, bat shit crazy. Loved it from start to finish. Underground sounds like it was produced by filthy trolls in the depths of a smelting plant. Booming drums, metal clangs, set to the marching trombone. A vocal performance that sounds like he's just gargled hot tarmac. Lyrically it paints a vivid picture of a dank underworld. Whispered stories weaved between, traditional blues, experimental noise, lacerated vocal chords, and a tatty chest of instruments, make this an eccentric masterpiece. Used jet trash! Halloween orange and chimney red! What a way to turn a phrase.

Here's Little Richard

Little Richard

1/5

Here's 1 star. I thought it only fair to put myself in the mind of someone in 1950s America hearing this for the first time, but then I got really worried about catching polio, and this album was still boring and repetitive.

E.V.O.L.

Sonic Youth

1/5

Discord in lieu of any compelling ideas. Zero likability. Massively overrated band. I've been dragged to plenty of gigs that sound and smell exactly like this, and despite what people say, nobody is having a good time.

Axis: Bold As Love

Jimi Hendrix

2/5

I appreciated some mean guitar playing, but I didn't think there was much in the way of good songs. I found this one quite ignorable.

Eliminator

ZZ Top

2/5

Legs reminded me of Stacy Kiebler, which caused one of my erogenous zones to tingle. However, that moment was fleeting and it marked the halfway point of an album that was far too long. I don't like the chugging guitar fuzz, it's relentless. The drums sound dead flat, no punch just a sort of ‘pfft’ on the snare. The bass was good in parts, a bit like the mighty Quo! I don't know why I had to listen to this album before I die. I imagine I'm going to be asking this a lot. If it turns out Harry Nilsson’s Soundtrack to Popeye the Motion Picture isn't on this list, I'm going to be furious with the curators.

Songs In The Key Of Life

Stevie Wonder

4/5

Pretty great album. Music, lyrics, vocals all of the highest standard, and it still sounds great in terms of production. Unquestionably one of the all time greats. I don't think this needed to be a double album though, if it were condensed to one album every song would be a killer. But even the weaker Stevie songs are better than most other artist's best efforts.

Under Construction

Missy Elliott

4/5

The intro was cool and earnest. Impressive featuring artists throughout. Diverse sounding from one track to the next, quite eclectic, reminds me of other albums from similar time like Stankonia or the Ecleftic. Bring the Pain, was smooth, reminiscent of No Diggity with the backing vocal and a similar melody. I haven't heard Gossip Folks for years and it still stands out. I'm sure the Timmy from South Park impression was something a few artists did around this time, somewhat of a cultural linchpin. Work It is a work of genius, the woodblock sounds almost like a click track along with the drum machine, the lyrics, the gibberish, the elephant noise, the implication that the listener couldn't handle Missy, the record scratching, the get ya hair did, the badonk. It's all iconic. Pussycat is cool, it's like a parallel to Dre and Snoop’s Fuck You, with the ownership and intent coming from a woman. I sense sarcasm as much as realism, I don't imagine Missy is all that worried about her man doing the dirty on her. It's quite telling that she feels she has to add context at the end of the song, almost defending her music and the sentiment, where male rappers wouldn't feel the need to do the same. You wouldn't catch Three 6 Mafia apologising for Slob on my Knob. All the songs were great. Nice light and shade, fat beats, big dirty bass lines, soulful vocals at times, well crafted songs, attacking and humourous lyrics. Brilliant album, I'm only not giving 5 because perhaps 2 songs weren't as strong as the rest.

Live 1966 (The Royal Albert Hall Concert)

Bob Dylan

1/5

Even a turkey with a harmonica stuck in it's wattle can write good songs. However the good ones didn't feature much on this, it was an incredibly tedious listen.

Blood On The Tracks

Bob Dylan

2/5

Ok songwriting, Tangled Up In Blue is probably the best example, but also “I ain't no monkey but I know what I like”....are monkeys famously self-realising? Dunno, ask Bob ‘Monkey Whisperer” Dylan. My fillings started coming loose at the shrill combination of harmonica and organ on Lily, Rosemary and the Jack of Hearts. Underwhelming again, and felt like it went on forever, again.

Low

David Bowie

3/5

Not an album I often think to put on, but I'm usually happy to hear it by accident. I appreciate Low in the context of the Berlin trio, which I always thought was a very cool innovation in how artists can release music and carve out their own little places and moments in time, and not be concerned with commercial appeal. Sound and Vision is a cracking song. Nice jangly guitars, driving bass, great vocal performance, synths, strings, sax and eno on backing. It's such a pop belter you forget it's about isolation at a time when Bowie has fled L.A to kick drugs and other life pressures. The bleeps and bloops, and overall dalliance into electronica come together well. Warszawa has the hallmarks of Eno and obvious kraut art rock influences, without being totally derivative. Hauntingly powerful even if the lyrics are total gibberish. The track was so influential, Ian Curtis named his band Warsaw before changing it to Joy Division. Enjoyable but omitted from my own Mount Rushmore of Bowie albums.

Risque

CHIC

1/5

I felt nothing at all while listening to this. It's the musical equivalent to canvas wall art in an office complex.

Bitte Orca

Dirty Projectors

1/5

Maybe if their projectors weren't so dirty they'd have been able to read the brief properly. It said “Make this album marketable", but due to the filthy smudges, they read it as “Take slim akram a marble table.” After acquiring an ornate and rather bougie marble table from a nefarious character on Gumtree, they spent a few weeks trying to figure out precisely who ‘Slim Akram’ was. It turned out this was Kaseem Akram, co-owner of Akram’s Markers, a Marker Pen manufacturer and almost palindrome. After this huge distraction, several failed attempts trying to claim the table on their record label's expenses, and a complete absence of ideas, they set about making a completely forgettable album.

Meat Is Murder

The Smiths

5/5

Even completely heinous arseholes like Morrisey can do incredible things, and this album is a work of art. I enjoy it so much, I can even block out all the insufferable, smug, hipster cretins who adopt The Smiths in lieu of having personalities. Headmaster's Ritual and I Want the One I Can't Have are so lyrically sharp, and the melodies are well crafted, the guitar cuts through to the forefront, and the rhythm sections are certified bops and super tight. Rusholme Ruffians is a lovely, jangly romp in the hay. Even the peculiar, whimpering backing vocals sit nicely. That Joke Isn't Funny Anymore has lots of lovely layers to unpack. The strings, the piercing guitar overdubs, echoing drums, the melancholy of the words and the myriad of sounds, the relentless repetition of “I've seen this happen…”, the vocal arrangement at the end, the false ending. Ahh, takes me to orgasmic stratospheres. Nowhere Fast, who doesn't want to drop their trousers to the things they find irksome? This is a strange rickety train of a song, but it's still full of character. Well I Wonder is another mewing, whimpering waltz, nicely placed between some pop-ier tunes. Pleasant spots of rain in the background and I think some synths in there too…. Barbarism Begins at Home has one of the most satisfying bass lines to listen to, and to play. What fun! The ‘sszooop’ sucking/sweeping noise throughout is very effective, similar to The Beatles’s ‘sszooop’ on ‘Girl’. Fantastic guitar work from Marr on this, so much going on. Great song title too. Meat Is Murder is compelling in its message. However, my taste buds will always beat my heart strings in this morality election, and the taste of pork swung that vote a long time ago. Nice try Moz, I'll enjoy the song for it's swelling soundscape and catchy hook, but little else. A perfect weaving of humour, despair, melody, romantic aesthetics, and some pretty mean riffery. What She Said is skip-able, and the album ending on slaughterhouse noises is irritating, but what do you expect from the precocious prince of indie. I'm asserting my discretion and slapping five stars on the table!

Lady Soul

Aretha Franklin

2/5

There's no denying she had an unstoppable voice, and there are some iconic songs on this album. However it doesn't do much for me, I found it samey at times and lost interest. I'd probably give it a 2.5, so I'm bumping down to 2 because the album cover art is incredibly dull.

Born In The U.S.A.

Bruce Springsteen

3/5

As a working class Englishman, working in a low impact profession, it’s very unrelatable. I imagine it’s an album that resonates with throngs of working class Americans, in typical blue collar jobs. All tracks fade out apart from Working on the Highway, why is this? Did Bruce think the fade outs were a good metaphor for the fading in and out of geopolitical relationships during the cold war? Did the turning down of the music intend to draw a parallel with the dimming of family values as gen x'ers became the generation of latchkey kids, who witnessed rapidly increasing divorce rates? Or are we simply witnessing a songwriter all out of ideas? Some of the lyrics are Key Stage 2 rhyming couplets. ‘Tougher’ and ‘Rougher’, ‘Joe’ and ‘no place to go’. I don’t like being able to guess the next line unless there’s enough nuance or charm surrounding the song to justify such basic tropes. Musically, there was a lot to like. I didn’t expect to hear so much synth/keyboard for some reason. This intertwined with passionate vocals and slick guitar work (thankfully not in abundance), made it a somewhat enjoyable listen. While it’s not really my cup of tea, I do appreciate good pop songs. I’m On Fire was a highlight for me, but again, I’m not convinced the fade out was the way to go (making it the fifth fade out by this point). Dancing in the Dark is obviously one of The Boss's most recognisable tunes, and it's alright by me, especially Courtney Cox being in the video. Although in this, she does look like a prepubescent Ellen DeGenderless, rather than the height of her hotty-ness; your friend and mine, Monica Geller circa Season 1-3. The album is incredibly well mixed too. When you add this to the Americana, and the rousing pop belters, it does make for a pretty good album. Reminds me of things like Huey Lewis, and The Cars, decent pop efforts of that time. It’s getting the 3 treatment from me. If this guy broadens his rhyming horizons, and figures out a few more ways to end a song, who knows, we could be looking at the next Sam Fender.

Lady In Satin

Billie Holiday

3/5

Billie Holiday's voice stands alone in its uniqueness, it has it's own gravitational pull. The broken, trembled affectation she puts on every word never gets old. She certainly convinces me of her general turmoil and woe. Let's give props to the beautiful brass and string arrangements on this album too. A serene and elegant listening experience. I enjoyed it a lot, I'm only going to mark it down to 3 because I'll rarely return to listen to it, maybe when having a Radox bath and enjoying a Cadbury’s Flake. Billie also did the definitive version of The Man I Love. Which is of course from the movie Hot Shots! I like to listen to it and pretend I'm Topper Harley, cooking and eating breakfast off Ramada. Ooh, suit you sir! I'd like to end things on a downer. Billie had no love as a youngster, pretty much abandoned, locked in a room with a dead girl by evil nuns, addicted to drink and drugs, and then of course died in her forties. Anyway, I hope we get Chumbawumba tomorrow!

Unknown Pleasures

Joy Division

4/5

Ian Curtis's love of Bowie, Iggy, Velvet Underground, spliced with his own sardonic view of the world, the band's association with British punk bands of the day, and a mad hatter for a producer, made for some doomladen, unhinged, and truly original music. The gothic-office clerk smudge they left on Manchester, earnt them many famous fans and a dedicated army of sulking indie kids. The album sounds bleak and industrial, which of course was the whole point. I love it all, the high notes of Peter Hook's bass playing, accompanied by Ian Curtis’s crooning, drums with bags of echo and other percussive tricks, raw and at times primitive guitar riffs. My favourite example of their moodiness and distinct sound, is She's Lost Control. The lyrics are superb, I'm sure it's half about a girl Ian Curtis saw having a fit, but then it's expanded out into talking about a woman grabbing on to people in the street. It's great. Grace Jones did a pretty cool cover of it. Shadowplay is another highlight. If a few of the songs were replaced with say, Transmission, Love Will Tear Us Apart, Dead Souls and Digital, it'd get 5 stars from me. As it stands, it's a 4, as it's not quite all killer, no filler. If nothing else, Unknown Pleasures can now often be seen adorning the chests of women in the UK who like to wear iconic album covers on t-shirts in the hope they will attract a more sensitive and artistic class of men. But be careful ladies, one too many “can you put the bins out?”, and we all know how Ian reacted. Pff, men!

Bookends

Simon & Garfunkel

3/5

Lovely twee little intro, with a nice little revisit later. Save the Life of My Child comes in with an urgent, western synth medley, it's so unexpected and draws you in. America greets you like a friendly vagrant at the end of the bar, pulling up a stool and slinging you a Harvey Wallbanger. Voices of Old People is completely pointless. Old Friends is a bit grandiose without much else going on. Faking It is pretty cool, it's a little meta before that was a thing. It reminds me of Scott Walker. Punky’s dilemma, again not a world beater of a song, but some fantastic vocals. Mrs Robinson is ace. The Graduate is ace. Wayne's World 2 spoofing The Graduate is ace. I don't even know what makes this song so triumphant, but it just has “it”. Between the melody and harmony, it's just a whole vibe, no one's come close to constructing a song quite like it. From that first little guitar fiddle, you can instantly picture young Dustin Hoffman watching those tights come off, and a warm feeling washes over you, like having a CT scan, but with no prospect of a gnarly diagnosis. At the Zoo is a fun ending to an endearing album. With a couple of mediocre songs, and it perhaps being a bit too brief, Bookends gets a 3.

If You Can Believe Your Eyes & Ears

The Mamas & The Papas

3/5

When I was a kid, California Dreaming and Dream a Little Dream of Me seemed like the most white bread, wholesome ditties from across the pond, and if you take them purely on their own merit, they are. But once you start to delve into the love triangles, and the drug addled, sex crazed, debauchery of the group, a dark shadow is cast over their otherwise whimsical pop legacy. Monday, Monday, California Dreaming, and In Crowd are all stand outs. Well written pop of the highest order. Got A Feelin’ is almost a lullaby with it's tiny bell chimes, and ticking clocks. You Baby has some great oohs and ahhs, it's Beach Boys-esque. But let's address the elephant in the room. Incest. We all know you did it John. A close friend said he'd like to drag John Phillips out of his crypt and kick the crap out of him. The story goes he desperately tried to stop his daughter's wedding the night before, and that's when they started their sickening 10 year union. The M’s and The P’s had a song called Young Girls are Coming to the Canyon, Michelle Phillips used to say “yeah and you've fucked them all John”. I'm sorry but it's all too horrible for this listener. If I want nice harmonies and whimsy, of this era, and in this rudimentary style, I'm picking The Monkees. Davy Jones and Mike Nesbitt would never defile their daughters.

Raw Power

The Stooges

3/5

Raucous, punchy album. Not all songs are heavy hitters though. I'm a big fan of the sweaty, leathery miscreant that is Iggy Pop, and The Stooges can obviously shred and rip it up as a band. I've not listened to them much, and this was a lot of fun. Search and Destroy was my favourite, powerful riff and catchy hook. Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell is a great title, but a middle of the road song. Penetration was probably quite daring in 1973, but in the age of WAP, it hasn't dated with any sort of relevance, and is more of a jam session than a song. Raw Power is a bit more like it in terms of representing Stooges at their best, chugging instruments and slithery vocals draping over them, top marks. I Need Somebody has a great descending guitar riff, and vocals akin to Captain Beefheart, loveable mangy mutt of a tune. Shake Appeal is just a sped up, punkier, Beatles song like I Wanna Hold Your Hand or I Wanna Be Your Man. Death Trip adds very little and is a bit of an anticlimactic closer. With hits and misses, charisma and indifference, this gets a respectable 3.

Phrenology

The Roots

1/5

It's an odd collection of songs, with discord and crackpot tinkering that's not often explored this much on rap records. Some of the featured artists bring a bit of character to it. It's an album that I think struggles to know what it is. Just as Mowgli could hang with the wolf pack, but was better off in the man village, The Roots definitely have impressive Hip Hop credentials, but in my opinion, are better off as Jimmy Fallon's house band. I can hear Goodie Mob, Outkast, Saul Williams, it's kind of cool, but ultimately too busy, and a bit too long. I want to like The Roots, but their USP of experimentation, an ever-evolving lineup, and multiple instruments, just never turns into anything I enjoy. I'm hoping their earlier albums pop up in this list and pleasantly surprise me.

Getz/Gilberto

Stan Getz

3/5

An easygoing, tranquil affair. I knew a few of the songs, and always knew I liked Brazilian jazz/bossa nova, and Stan Getz, as well as other jazz guitar artists such as Django Reindhardt. I haven't listened to these genres enough, and this has spurred me on to go adventuring. Immensely surprised by how neat and crisp this sounds, given it was recorded in 1964. I'm a fan of lazy guitar plucking nestled in a jazzy ensemble. The soothing trumpets, and the laid-back rhythm section are all effortlessly cool. Girl From Ipanema and Corcovado are my favourites, the latter makes me feel like I'm Austin Powers and I've just made tender love to a character called Ana Lingus, and told her “I've gotta go baby, Dr Evil has turned Christ the Redeemer into his evil lair, and he's threatening to blow up the good old U.S of A. I'll be back when the lady with the Coxinha arrives, yeah baby!”

Bizarre Ride II The Pharcyde

The Pharcyde

4/5

Part of a movement of more thoughtful hip hop artists like De La Soul, Jurassic 5, Tribe Called Quest, Freestyle Fellowship. I enjoyed this album, partly because I gravitate towards this form of rap more so than some of the one dimensional artists that pollute the genre. You can see how The Pharcyde influenced the likes of Outkast, Busta Rhymes and Eminem. Their off kilter use of sampling and production methods, creates a curbside vision, car horns, cheers, chanting, real block party vibes, and nicely ties in with the promise of a ‘ride to the far side’. Very well thought out album, in concept and execution. Passing Me By, Ya Mama, On The DL, Otha Fish, are my favourites. Pretty flawless album. I was about to criticise the runtime, but by the end I don't think I'd cut anything, because doing so would take away from the well-balanced dynamic and storytelling. On occasion some of the lyrics are just vehicles to the next line, and completely meaningless, but I guess that comes with the territory when delivering slick and comprehensive flows.

Beggars Banquet

The Rolling Stones

1/5

Boring.

Fragile

Yes

1/5

My friends in prog places would have my guts for garters for saying this, but I find it difficult to listen to most prog rock artists. It's too hard to hitch your attention to any single instrument or melody for more than a nanosecond. Gentle Giant's Octopus is the exception (inexplicably). When ‘We Have Heaven' came on, I had a horrendous flashback to my dad playing this record while doing the pools in the Express and Star, which meant it was Sunday. Say No to Yes. NB: if any of my listening peers made it through the whole album, I commend you.

Hejira

Joni Mitchell

2/5

I first became aware of Joni Mitchell when my mom used to listen to Blue and chain smoke Silk Cut in the kitchen, and stare off into the distance thinking about her youth, whilst also effortlessly caning our Cadburys selection boxes (yes it's always Christmas in this memory). For this reason, I've always disliked Joni. What was she doing to my mom? and why would anyone want this for themselves? Also, I cannot stress enough how much I fucking hate that bit in Big Yellow Taxi when she laughs at the funny voices she just did. AND SHE FUCKING DOES IT AGAIN ON FURRY SINGS THE BLUES! I'll give it a 2 because I know that objectively it's not shit, but I find very little to enjoy on any of her records. If she comes up again, this is getting copy and pasted.

Rock 'N Soul

Solomon Burke

2/5

I'm too smashed to review properly. 2 stars

More Specials

The Specials

5/5

God I love it. I was lucky enough to see The Specials and Terry Hall is one of my heroes. I Can’t Stand It really encapsulates the fact that the band were all pulling in different musical directions at this point, which caused tension and led to them splitting up a year later. But I’m fond of the busy yet lazy, reggae, lounge, punk, soul, mongrel product we end up with. Enjoy Yourself and Hey, Little Rich Girl are great fun, and more aligned with the sound of their debut album. International Jet Set, Man at C&A are class. Demented and eerie, scathing towards capitalist rat race types, unique arrangements going on. And best of all, Do Nothing is one of my favourite songs of all time. It paints a picture of a malaise across working class British youth in 1980, bored with Thatcherism, police brutality, racism, “living a life without meaning”. I prefer this album version to the much heralded remix with a more prominent string synthesiser. Being white and male, I’ve faced little persecution, but two police officers did once make me buy some Toilet Duck and mop up my own piss outside Subway City in Birmingham in front of queuing clubbers (let it be known, this was in a discreet side alley, I'm no an animal). It was quite the violation, and this song was looping in my head the whole time, and then the bouncers told them to fuck off, and Paul the cloak room bloke checked my jacket and my Toilet Duck into the cloak room and sold me some dodgy pills. It’s a 5 every time from this pop picker! It would be an enormously bloated 5 if Ghost Town and Friday Night, Saturday Morning could have somehow been on this. “Wish I had lipstick on my shirt, instead of piss stains on my shoes” will forever be my mantra.

The Stone Roses

3/5

I've got a great affection for these indie anthems, reminds me of the nightclubs I used to spend every weekend at, and pop culture during the early 90s. Even if Ian Brown is little more than a lairy chimpanzee. Remember when he started on T4’s Steve Jones for absolutely no reason? This is a musically sound album. Nice swishy swashy-ness, fat rhythm section, echoey vocals, and very well written pop songs. As I said, anthemic sums it up for me, Adored and Resurrection are immense, and Fools Gold is the stand out track, what a certified banger. It's a shame Stone Roses fans are often dickheads of the highest order. Calm down you paisley clad, helmet hair, vesper enthusiasts, it's not like they're really good like The La’s.

Rubber Soul

Beatles

4/5

Rubber Soul is the turning point where you can clearly see the move away from songs in the style of She Loves You and Please Please Me, and the Fab Four exploring more mature themes and starting to include more instruments and production techniques. There are a few nods in this direction with Drive My Car and Run For Your Life. Norwegian Wood is an odd tale of late night encounters, simple and stripped back accompanied with sitar which was obviously a rarity in contemporary music in 1965. You Won't See Me, and Nowhere Man are well-written and have the classic three part harmonies working to lovely effect. Nowhere Man has some especially satisfying vocal melodies, ‘the wur-er-er-eld is at your command’ being my favourite. Think For Yourself has that wicked fuzzy lead riff throughout, again, good lyrics and vocals. Effective tambourine and shaker tinkering as well. The Word is junky, jerky and irreverent, while still having sweet harmonies at its core. I've always found Michelle a bit pretentious and wanky. It sounds nice enough though. What Goes On isn't even a good C-Side, god bless Ringo. I find Girl similar to Michelle but a far more well-rounded song and not wanky. I also like the sucking backing vocal thing they do, and the deh-deh-deh-deh-deh bits. Understated bit of mandolin sits nicely behind the plodding bassline and almost reversed symbol strikes. I'm Looking Through You is maybe my favourite. Everything is on point again, and Billy Preston has that mean bit of harpsichord that George plays a little riff over too. Billy also did a cool cover of this. The hand clapping/knee slapping even works. In My Life is sublime. Incredibly simple musically, but lyrically rich, a heartfelt composition. George Martin's piano solo is a joyous addition. Wait is also in contention for my favourite song on the album. It is one of the best examples of a Lennon and McCartney song, the angst and spikiness of Lennon's words and music, and the bouncing perkiness of McCartney’s. Day In The Life is the best example of a Lennon/McCartney number. If I Needed Someone sounds more like a song from Help! It's a little throw away but fine. Rubber Soul gets 4. Some superb moments, but not sheer brilliance just yet, and I feel compelled to mention how much I hate the cover and their hair at this time.

A Love Supreme

John Coltrane

1/5

What a racket.

A Christmas Gift For You From Phil Spector

Various Artists

4/5

The wild haired murderer sure knew how to put a Christmas album together. Darlene Love went on to do my favourite Christmas song, All Alone On Christmas 🎄

Doolittle

Pixies

4/5

Practiced lacklustre is a neat skill. The Pixies have this skill as well as unlikely coolness and a front man with a knack for zany songwriting. Very good album with a few classic surfy grunge hits. Tame is my personal favourite, ‘hips like Cinderella’ is a killer phrase. Few skippable songs, but plenty of sloppy riffs and pop songs earn Doolittle 4 stars.

Violent Femmes

1/5

Music for couples who watch 500 Days Of Summer in their matching Snorlax onesies, call chicken nuggets ‘nuggy nugs’, and watch NPC TikTok videos.

Pink Moon

Nick Drake

2/5

The songs all blend in to one another, which isn't necessarily a bad thing. I found his voice and the simplistic style quite relaxing. Unfortunately relaxation quickly turned to boredom. Things Behind The Sun was my favourite.

La Revancha Del Tango

Gotan Project

4/5

Opening track reminded me of Terry Gilliam's Twelve Monkeys theme. Would have preferred live drums rather than drum machine, which is something I thought throughout. Still sounded very full and atmospheric. I know Epoca from what I feel like is a thousand adverts. Listening in its entirety was truly magnificent. Frank Zappa covers…never thought I'd hear one on this list. Not bad either. Triptico is again familiar. Who knows why? Maybe it's from Parrappa The Rapper (it's not). Santa Maria was rousing, assertive, I learnt how to Tango during its nearly six minute soirée. Una Musica Brutal reminded me of the Mamushca from Addams Family, and also of Vic and Bob's remake of Randall and Hopkirk. That's not meant as a diss, top marks! El Capitalismo Foraneo had me thinking of Groove Armada and Morcheba and stuff in that vein. Last Tango In Paris was ok. I massaged some Herbal Essences into my scalp while this was playing, and then remembered I wasn't in the bath and/or shower. The next ones were fine. I'd ejaculated by this point so didn't make any more notes. By and large this album took me by surprise, from behind, and bought me flowers and a slap up dinner.

Straight Outta Compton

N.W.A.

3/5

Decent opening track, genuinely don't think I've ever listened to it despite being familiar with the title. I enjoyed the booming kick drum and tapping on the hi-hat, and a very faint Starkey and Hutch wah wah. Didn't think the lyrics were all that, but the rhythm to the cadences definitely works well. Fuck The Police does what it says on the tin, but isn't interesting sounding or lyrically compelling. Gangsta Gangsta, If It Ain't Ruff and 8 Ball are very middle of the road. I Ain't Tha 1 is a neat little tongue in cheek number. It struck me as a bit of a predecessor for battle of the sexes songs like Biz Markie’s ‘Just A Friend’ or Outkast’s ‘Roses’. Express Yourself is the highlight. Super effective use of sampling and I feel the lyrics step up at this point. Quiet On Tha Set, Dopeman and Something 2 Dance 2 are far better than similar tracks earlier in the album. Side 2 of the album is better quality than Side 1. Some fully formed ideas, well executed, and other songs that feel unfinished. The album is generally not as iconic or gripping as I'd hoped it would be.

Jack Takes the Floor

Ramblin' Jack Elliott

1/5

Jack takes the piss! You can't be having the blues on three separate occasions on one album. Not even the Blues Brother did that, in fact they had a proper knees up!

The Dark Side Of The Moon

Pink Floyd

2/5

Felt like neverending jamming. I enjoyed some atmospheric bits and bobs, but found most of it to be drawn out nonsense. The longer the note, the more dread as Super Hans would say. I'm hoping some Floyd with Syd pops up later.

Melodrama

Lorde

1/5

I can't stand this brand of singing, it's hard to articulate it. But it's a highly affected, distorting of most vowels. Ellie Goulding is a bastard for it too. It's known as IGV (indie girl voice) or Indigo voice. Green Light is full of it, and full of rubbish lyrics too, “but they bite-chu” lol. The beat in Sober reminded me of that Gotye hit, what a geometric headache that song and video was. Liability is just My Chemical Romance’s ‘Welcome To The Black Parade’, which of course is also derivative of many other songs, but this feels like blatant lift and shift in style and arrangement. She of course went on to rip off George Michael, Primal Scream and various others for that Solar Power single. Supercut made me want to smoke. I think it conjured memories of both Richmond Super Kings and Silk Cut. I'd gladly eat a sleeve of two hundred cigarettes than listen to another Lorde album. I can't believe the audacity of having callbacks to earlier songs and a reprise! As though this is an album with any artistic merit whatsoever. The album is a pile of piddle laced with forgettable songs, phoned in production, and totally benign songwriting. I seriously hate churned out, manufactured toss like this. It's completely devoid of personality.

1989

Taylor Swift

1/5

See, now, should I be listening to the version of the album this website is directing me to? Or should I listen to Taylor's version? I'm sure there's some sort of moral quandary there that I can't be bothered to research. In any event, I'm going to record my own version of this album, Sean's Version if you will, where I take two ordinary carrier bags, and in one quick yelp, scream the words to all the songs into the first bag, tie it up and throw it into the ocean for a kindred spirit to find one day, or for a guppy to become fatally entangled with. Then I'll defecate into the second bag and ask a Big Machine Records executive to fasten it over my head until I suffocate in pooey carbon dioxide. I'll record all of this bag action and ask my executors to upload the results to all good streaming platforms.

Twelve Dreams Of Dr. Sardonicus

Spirit

3/5

I don't know anything about Spirit, which made the leap from the gentle folky intro to rocking slide guitar and big rhythm all the more surprising. Enjoyed this raucous opener. I wonder if Len stole the riff and bongos from Animal Zoo for their smash hit ‘Steal My Sunshine’. In any case, they're both upbeat tunes. I loved the backwards elements of Love Has Found a Way, it didn't disturb the melodic vocals or chord sequences either. Why Can't I Be Free lovingly weaves guitar picking, dreamy harmonies and swishy noises and then ends abruptly. Fantastic. Mr. Skin is all most Mowtown-y with the brass accompaniments and earthy lead vocals, while still maintaining rock sensibility. Street Worm would have been a great PlayStation 1 game. I'm thinking combining Street Fighter with Worms, humanoid Worm people who have survived nuclear warfare, and now have to engage in individual or team combat to retain dominance over other humanoid lifeforms. This song could have been the menu music (instrumental of course). Life Has Just Begun reminded me of The Who at their best. Really enjoyed this one, bit of an epic. Morning Will Come had all sorts of big band noises happening and was a bit Glam Rock in parts, a precursor to some of the stuff Bowie and T-Rex knocked out later. Soldier is a great, full-bodied ballad. I especially liked the long held synth chord that took up most of the song. A little longer than I'd have wanted and I drifted in and out of a few songs. But overall, this had a bit of everything from Rock, Psych, Soul, Prog and the output was thoroughly enjoyable. I also want to point out how well the tracklist works, a skill in itself. The last 3 songs are a bit confusing, did these songs appear on the original release…why have alternative versions of earlier songs…feels like a re-release thing.

New Boots And Panties

Ian Dury

5/5

This is an absolute triumph in grooves, songwriting and Punk sensibility. What a bunch of heroes Ian and the Blockheads were. In Wake Up, Ian becomes Harrow’s version of Prince and celebrates the act of making whoopee. It’s obvious that tongues are firmly in cheeks from the outset. Ian and co. cement the idea that comedy very much belongs in music. Gene Vincent is a masterpiece, fantastic lounge performer introduction and then a rollocking good time of a song. My Old Man is a bit of a Waltz, I never tire of it. Billericay Dickie has a similar cadence, it’s a day at the funfair filled with japes. I’m easily seduced by fuzzy synth/harpsichord, and there’s a repeating riff of this nature throughout Clevor Trevor. Nice. I like the swelling effects going on in this one as well. If I Was with a Woman has that fuzziness going on too. I also like the fact that it’s ‘Was’ rather than ‘Were’. Great ending too. The farty space note in Blockheads is another accolade. The very audacity to put that on a record. Plaistow Patricia starts with some vitriol. It’s a wonderful dirty picture of youth rebelling against socials norms of the 1970s and navigating sex, drugs and identity. Blackmail Man has such a fun chord progression and it’s objectively a great singalong. Some of the words would raise eyebrows if heard without any context. I don’t have any context to offer but I’d wager there was some, at some point, maybe. S&D&Rock and Roll is an undeniable bop. “What a jolly bad show, if all you ever do is business, you don’t like” is a caution we should all heed. I don’t credit many bands with carving out a completely unique, unmistakable style of their own, but these guys did, and they were authentic to the bone. Solid rhythm from start to finish, amazingly talented oddball gang of musicians, they leave appropriate amounts of room for everyone to be heard, gruff vocals delivering quintessentially working class stories, all helped along with their 1970s jumble sale fashion sense. In case I don’t get chance to talk about them again in this list. Fucking Ada is constantly in my head just for his fantastic delivery of that line, and the lyrics to What A Waste, I Wanna Be Straight and There Ain’t Half Been Some Clever Bastards is some of the best songwriting to come out of these fair Isles.

Nevermind

Nirvana

5/5

Possibly the best album of the 90s opens with possibly the best and most recognisable single of the 90s. A teenage anthem for the annals of time. Shredding guitar, catchy riff, big fat drums and ripping vocals make it such a giant hit. Similar greatness flows through the album, In Bloom, Lithium and Drain You are such pop bangers overlayed with joyous overdrive and delicious harmonies between Kurt and Dave. I heard Kurt tried to out-do The Beatles’ ‘yeah yeahs’ with Lithium, and then later REM tried to out-do Nirvana’s ‘yeah yeahs’ with ‘Man On The Moon'. The lyrics are all very vivid, humourous and bleak, my favourite being ‘just because you're paranoid, don't mean they're not after you’. Come As You Are is a stand out, a hard to put your finger on, slower paced, miserable melody. The drums and urgency of Breed, Territorial Pissings and Stay Away, make them headbanging, hair thrashing moshpit anthems. Polly is basically little more than a demo, but it's nonetheless part of the fabric of the album. Lounge Act is a bit different to the other styles on the album. It's my favourite song on the album and I'm not sure why. I think if it had a twin on In Utero it would be Francis Farmer Will Have Her Revenge on Seattle, which is my favourite on that album. I think I love these songs because they're neither pop nor discorded noise, they live in between, and the words seem like train of consciousness, jotted down rants. Annoyed how the recent Batman film used Something In The Way, it's not for Bruce Wayne it's for moody, isolated, journal writing, locked away in their bedroom, teenagers…ok maybe it is for Bruce Wayne. Endless, Nameless? Yeah why not chuck it on. I think on Classic Albums they explained how all of these songs have the qualities of Beatles songs in structure, melody, harmonies etc. that are played with loads of grungy distortion/gain/overdrive. I think that's what sets Nirvana and especially this album, aside from their contemporaries around the Sub Pop and Grunge scene.

Disraeli Gears

Cream

3/5

I quite like Cream’s albums. The live shows sound hellish in terms of drawn out, indulgent solos. Strange Brew is as cool as a cucumber, perfect mash up of blues and rock, with hushed vocals washing over it. Great false ending too. Sunshine of Your Love is iconic, its use in cinema immediately springs to mind during the first few notes. It's arguably their finest moment. It centres around such a simple riff, but the sounds and the space between sounds are so well crafted on this song, it's transformed into a giant rock anthem. World of Pain has a playfulness and psychedelia to it that reminds me of Pink Floyd with Syd, off kilter and whimsical, not as good though. I hated Mother's Lament with a passion. It's true that all musicians want to be comedians, and all comedians want to be musicians. There were a lot of album tracks like this in British music in the late sixties, The Beatles, Cream, The Who, The Small Faces to name a few. I reckon this is because everyone fancied themselves as being able to do The Goons or Monty Python. This album probably had wide appeal to the hippie youth of the late sixties. I found most of the tracks very average though. Yes you can play, but are the songs interesting, or are they incredibly samey? I can't deny some of the greatness on display so it's getting 3 stars.

Appetite For Destruction

Guns N' Roses

3/5

Welcome To The Jungle is sensational. What a powerhouse of a song, easily my favourite of theirs. Great big dick swinging, explosive, stadium banger. I love those little notes in the bridge that sound like Slash letting off a Roman Candle. It just makes me want to do the Axl snake hips dance, but alas, I can't do it. It's So Easy, too much cowbell. Nightrain and Out Ta Get Me are a bit too ACDC for me, not my bag. I know Slash had to channel all of his magnificent testosterone somehow, but most songs are overloaded with epic riffs which I believe were played by Slash's cock. Mr Brownstone is alright to bob your head to, until you realise it's entirely derivative of Welcome To The Jungle. Paradise City is a country infused, call to Americana that bleeding heart Midwesterns can all be proud of. Another belter. Slash wanted the lyrics to be “where the girls are fat and they have big titties”, I'm with him. I watched half of G+R at Leeds Festival in 2010, it was basically only Axl in that lineup, I could hear them playing this over LCD Soundsystem, about 13 minutes of huge firework cannons blasting off with every chorus. I drifted off after Paradise City and I'm including Sweet Child O’Mine in that stint, it's been so overplayed and covered, I don't think I can hear it objectively anymore. There was something electric about this debut, sleazy, sex crazed, scruffy yet preened image, symbolic cover art, it all comes together in quite a cinematic way. I always associate G+R with 80s and 90s blockbusters, not just for soundtracking Terminator and Interview with a Vampire, but also because this style of music was used widely across the Action genre at the time. I think the weaker songs only earn this album a 2, but I'm bumping to 3 because of Slash's big cock, I mean hat.

Very

Pet Shop Boys

1/5

Those synth stabs on Can You Forgive Her are a bit much! There’s an identical sound on Mario Party on the snowboarding mini game. Maybe this was produced in association with Nintendo soundboards. Not a bad song but the drums and synths are far too overbearing. Liberation reminded me of Take That's - Pray. Hopeful, silky, but musically dull. A Different Point of View, The Theatre and One and One Make Five were just completely throwaway, pithy tracks with no substance. Is he suggesting Princess Diana is complicit in the act of him flashing the Queen. What is going on? Yesterday When I Was Mad at least made me think I was on the dodgems. As in it made me feel dizzy, sick and like I was in a park full of carnival folk. The delivery of “You’re younger than me. Obviously” is so lame, absolutely shocking. I Wouldn’t Normally, One In a Million and Go West are all so shamelessly similar in melody, rhythm, tempo, it made me angry. In their defence, I’m not the target audience for ultra-camp synth pop. However, I did like West End Girls, Suburbia and some other of their more somber and industrial sounding numbers. This just sounds like very amateurish synth production. It sounds like the stock synth instruments in Logic with whiny vocals and uninspiring lyrics clumsily plonked on top of it. I was open minded coming in to this listen, but I was perturbed by the end of it. If this was indeed regarded as their ‘coming out’ album, I’d have expected it to be a more vibrant and sonically impactful affair.

Another Green World

Brian Eno

2/5

I love so much of what Eno has produced for himself, produced for others, or been part of somehow. Roxy, Bowie, Talking Heads, he's a legend. But I struggled initially with this album. I failed to think of an instance when I'd want to put this on again, although I did enjoy the second half. My issue with it is noises with little relationship to one another, impressive noises and arrangements at times, but without much in the way of vocals, there often lacks a narrative to connect the audio dots. Some great musicians on this album too. Another Green World, Becalmed, Zawinul/Lava were my favourites, I liked the delicacy of these. Everything Merges With The Night is a bit more of the Eno I get along with. I much prefer Before And After Science and Here Come The Warm Jets. They're completely bananas, but as albums, I find them to be compiled in a more linear fashion, not to mention they sound amazing. Give me some Baby's On Fiiiiirrre any day!

Exodus

Bob Marley & The Wailers

2/5

Pretty unremarkable. I liked Waiting In Vain and Three Little Birds, they have nice messages, but I even find them a little repetitive and tedious. Jamming is probably the best song on the album, and it makes me think of Chief Wiggum. But much like the sentiment of the song, this album and a hell of a lot of Reggae is just jamming, which doesn't do anything for me.

Rio

Duran Duran

2/5

Rio is their big one on the album and I've always found it middle of the road. I like how the verses sound like a New Generation WWF wrestler's entrance music. But it's pretty throwaway. Same with Hungry Like The Wolf. The rest of the album is below average, with very few enjoyable moments. New Religion was intriguing, sounds somewhere between Wham! and Bauhaus, not a winning combination. The Chauffeur was the best bit, they should have gone with more of this. It at least had character. Overall, it's monotonous sounds lazily put together. Lyrics and music totally uninspiring.

Timeless

Goldie

1/5

Awful

Low-Life

New Order

2/5

I like some New Order stuff, but I didn’t dig this album. The cover is rubbish. Looks like a Gabrielle cover. What’s the relevance of it being Stephen Morris on the front? The music was ok at times. The songwriting is pretty poor, I found this most evident on Sub-culture and Face Up. Extremely primitive and not in a way that might be construed as charming, just lacking depth or character. Bernard Sumner is a bit of a tit. He always sounds out of tune or pitchy. This album, to me, sounded like a tone deaf teenager singing Cure songs.

All Directions

The Temptations

1/5

I can't believe this was a number one album. It was so boring.

Aladdin Sane

David Bowie

4/5

Name a more iconic British face paint, I'll not wait. Good job he wasn't smiling for this snap though, those piss yellow pegs would have taken some of the majesty away. Aladdin Sane is brilliant. Weird bit of piano that the vocal and guitar oddly slot around. Drive In Saturday sounds like it's pastiching American high school, especially with the 'doo wahs', much like how Zappa would do with songs like Go Cry On Somebody Else's Shoulder. “Falls wanking to the floor” is a fabulous line. I love the cabaret of Time. Jean Genie is my favourite. I love the dirty descending intro, the nonsense lyrics, rattlesnake sounds and the strut-ability of that song. Of course that main riff has been done a thousand times over, this is surely one of the best incarnations of it. The album fuses Glam, Punk, Rock and Roll, Soul and all that Arty bollocks Warhol, Lou Reed and them lot were doing. But I think Bowie pulls off marrying all of this together to great effect. Barely a bad track on the album.

Franz Ferdinand

5/5

It's a flawless indie darlings album. These guys rode the wave of the naughties invasion kicked off by The Strokes, and they brought a bit of art student quirk to proceedings. Great opener, neatly establishes Alex's distinctive vocal stylings, followed by their spiky, off kilter guitars. Tell Her Tonight is like something off Talking Heads’ 77, or XTC’s Drums and Wires Take Me Out is the stand out. It hit me like a brick to each ear when I first heard it. It didn't sound like anything else, a rare achievement considering it was released in 2004. No track reminds me of the sticky indie sleaze clubs I used to go to more than Michael. Mucky, androgynous yet sexual, a call to youthful exploration. Angular sequences underpinned by a rhythm section tightly wound around the guitar riffs and vocal arrangements. Great pop songs by well preened boys in ties.

The Seldom Seen Kid

Elbow

2/5

Elderly, rural and plain. Music made by Hovis.

James Brown Live At The Apollo

James Brown

2/5

I hate a live album, especially from way back. At least newer live albums benefit from better sound. I wasn't there. I couldn't see James's glistening sweaty brow, or whether he was wearing a magnificent robe, or whether he was sacking one of his musicians for bending a note.

Os Mutantes

2/5

You can hear lots of influences like Sgt Peppers, Pet Sounds, Piper At The Gates Of Dawn. It's playful and perky. Very swinging and shaking, but ultimately lacking special sauce. Le Premier Bonheur Du Jour was a welcomed change in pace and style. I can only imagine Tempo No Tempo is about a man shouting at his dog ‘Tempo’ in a park after he's ripped a toddler to shreds. ‘Tempo No! Tempo!’ It has a driving rhythm and sinister clicking throughout like The Sharks and The Jets, and it ends with church bells (funeral procession). The fuzz and the bongos and the animal noises, become grating after the first couple of songs. Nothing of substance going on.

Innervisions

Stevie Wonder

4/5

Stevie's singing on this is excellent and it comes across as though he doesn't have to try. Fine instruments all over it and the tracklist works to good effect. Living For The City is my favourite. It's about scraping by in a bustling city, drums come in full of purpose, outstanding vocal performance, some wild synth riffs bursting out of the mix. Full of surprises, the backing vocal comes in 3 minutes in, the end is uneasy and doesn't give a fuck about going on for ages. The only flop for me is He's Misstra Know It All, it has a lame quality to it, similar to Isn't She Lovely. I can't quite explain it, just find it a bit barf-o-rama.

The Village Green Preservation Society

The Kinks

2/5

Its fair to say their best work was behind them by this point. I still enjoyed the album but thought it had a few throwaway songs on it. I also would have liked Ray to lean into the concept a lot more, it was a bit confusing to come in and out of the theme. Village Green was my favourite. Not enough classic Ray songs on here.

New Forms

Roni Size

1/5

This is what Tyres from Spaced would have on his Mp3 player. Perpetual state of menu music from an offbeat video game in the late 90s. I didn’t like it, which surprised me because I enjoy some Roni Size, mostly from In The Mode. New Forms was initially interesting, but started to remind me of Lefteye’s verse on Never Be The Same Again (if it went on forever). Watching Windows and Heroes were my favourites, they at least had some ideas and textures intertwining and weren’t entirely unbearable. In summary, it sounds like something the less capable kids from my college would upload to Soundcloud when it first came out.

Queen Of Denmark

John Grant

1/5

I put John Grant in the same box as artists like Rufus Wainwright and Father John Misty. It's a box that never gets opened. All these grandiose, sermon-like, epic songs fall short of the mark for me. The songs aren’t as poignant or powerful as they’d probably hoped. The common denominator comes across as a smug self importance. Whereas I think someone like BC Camplight does a great job of having genuine gravitas, humility and funny bones.

Parklife

Blur

5/5

If anyone reads this, go and read ‘Blur: 3862 Days’. I think they were one of the few British bands that had massive appeal, arty kids loving stuff like Death Of A Party or Trimm Trabb, teenage girls loving the quiff flicking from Damon and Alex, blokes in their fifties who appreciated Tender and Out Of Time, and the lads phwoarr-ing over Jo Guest and Sara Stockbridge in the Country House video. They offered much more than your average band. This is their coup de grâce for me, I was 7 when it came out and I’d make my dad play it on repeat. Speaker-popping, bubbly bass lines all over it, and solid drumming from Davey boy. More brilliant quintessentially English lyrics (building on the rejecting Americana that runs through Modern Life Is Rubbish). Superb vocal performances, especially on To The End. And as always, masterful guitar work from Coxon. The singles are all such massive singalongs it’s so impressive, Girls and Boys, Parklife, End Of A Century, To The End. I mean come on! Obviously Blur VS Oasis was just a media construct, but while we’re talking about it. The singles on Definitely Maybe are all pretty mega, whereas every song on Parklife are winners, even Debt Collector, Lot 105 and Far Out if you don’t mind some silliness. The song Parklife is a work of genius, seeing it live with Phil Daniels, and Harry Enfield poncing around as a Tea Lady, will live with me forever. It’s as English as Waterloo Sunset and it’s something intrinsic with our culture.

Bat Out Of Hell

Meat Loaf

4/5

I was full of cynicism going into this one, thinking The Meat was little more than a giant cornball, but I thoroughly enjoyed this album. It’s a rip roaring, leather clad symphony. Two Out of Three Ain’t Bad is the highlight for me. Wonderfully constructed ballad. The funk change up in Paradise By the Dashboard Light is so audacious. Great fun time song, the call and receive technique is executed to perfection on this one. Loads of piano, big guitars and hefty vocals. It’s lavish, heartfelt, theatrical and forged in the pits of hell, like the Phantom Of The Opera slow dancing with a hooker at a biker bar.

Beauty And The Beat

The Go-Go's

3/5

The opening song is the best on the album, I prefer the Fun Boy Three cover. I can hear their influences on loads of female led bands like The Long Blondes, Echobelly, The Breeders, Bikini Kill and Sleeper. This is quite similar to The B-52’s first couple of albums. Bubbly, shimmery new wave pop. It's a bit samey, but a pretty fun listen.

Hunting High And Low

a-ha

2/5

If New Order, Wham! and Spandau Ballet had a Norwegian baby, there would be inevitable questions. Was the child conceived in a studio in Shepherds Bush or in a public toilet in Beverly Hills? Would the child have enough lacquer to tame the structural integrity of their towering, feathered shag? But would anybody stop to ask whether the child should have been allowed to live?

Fleet Foxes

4/5

Sun It Rises harmonies remind me of Beatles Sun King, pleasant. Winter Hymnal is a favourite of mine anyway. Great arrangement, great rhythm to it and the drums sound nice and big when they kick in. Tiger Mountain Peasant is another highlight, the vocal performance is such a triumph and the lyrics conjure mental tapestries of simple townsfolk playing rebecs and shawms. He Doesn’t Know Why has that lovely ascending/descending cadence, it could wear thin in the wrong hands, but they pull it off amidst their distinct sound and tight playing. Nice calm little outro to cap it off. Your Protector is a bit of a belter, it has more bite to it than the other songs. I imagine the villagers featured in the cover art, are rallying to ward off some intruders, or threat of violence, pitchforks, lit torches at the ready, women and children tucked up indoors while the men are poised for battle. The production is excellent. Everything sounds big and clear without being overwhelming, vocals and instrumentals all sit nicely in the mixes, it creates an intimate listening experience. Like being taken to the proverbial church.

Before And After Science

Brian Eno

3/5

Perfect runtime for a quirky album like this. Couple of weaker songs but mostly good. By This River and Spider and I remind me of the Twin Peaks score, in their sublime eeriness. Backwater is my favourite. Ooh what to do, not a sausage to do. Marvelous.

Purple Rain

Prince

5/5

Class album. Not my favourite but still 5 star. Let's Go Crazy and When Doves Cry are my highlights.

You Want It Darker

Leonard Cohen

2/5

I like the concept and I like some Leonard Cohen music and poetry. But this didn't really do it for me.

Master Of Puppets

Metallica

2/5

Little known fact, James Hetfield wrote this album about his hero Jim Henson. Battery is about the portable power pack they used to power Animal. As you’ll know, Animal’s frame was gangly and didn’t allow for conventional puppeteering methods. The Thing That Should Not Be is about the first idea they had for Kermit and Miss Piggy’s offspring. We’re all used to their litter made up of some pigs and some frogs, but before this, there was the ‘Frig’. A crossbred organism whose grotesque appearance made one Disney executive puncture his own eyeballs with a fish fork on the set of Muppets Take Manhattan. The Frig had a snout that would inflate and deflate like that of a frog’s vocal sac. The Frig also had intestines on top of its head in a cornrow motif for reasons only known to Jim. After the Frig incident Jim’s family sent him on a golfing weekend and had a team of medical specialists convert his home into a rehab centre. On his return he was discreetly monitored for the next 3 years, hence Welcome Home (Sanitarium). Disposable Heroes was about the fickle and harsh reality of Muppet turnover, specifically the large numbers of puppet carcasses that were sent to the Henson furnaces each day. Leper Messiah is actually about televangelists. Guitarist Kirk Hammett’s attempts to steer focus back to traditionally heavy metal themes were largely in vain, but Hetfield conceded and allowed this one on hoping he could pass it off as being about Sweetums. Orion was the name of a Muppet who was an Ivory hunter, he ultimately never made an appearance. Early sketches depicted him as having a tusk like pointy moustache, blood red eyes and a musket. He was ditched after not testing well with 3-6 year olds. Damage, Inc. was of course Teeth’s first band before he formed The Electric Mayhem.

Screamadelica

Primal Scream

2/5

An album that blends house and indie music and does neither very well. Damaged wasn't bad. Ok melody and well-written. Loaded is pretty iconic, great use of sampling from Wild Angels, enjoyable tune heaped with nostalgia from that era. Overall, it's a bit nothingy with a few brief moments of vibey goodness.

Blood Sugar Sex Magik

Red Hot Chili Peppers

3/5

It's a spasmodic funk nightmare. I thought they were the best band in the world when I was 15. They were obviously huge in pop culture in my teen years, featuring in Wayne's World soundtrack, having officer Doofy in their videos. It appealed to me in the same way Bloodhound Gang, American Pie films and WWF Divas did. Now it's a different story. I'm reminded of the Nick Cave quote “I'm forever near a stereo saying, 'What the fuck is this garbage?' And the answer is always the Red Hot Chili Peppers.” Suck My Kiss, Give It Away and Under The Bridge stand out as decent pop rock songs, but the rest of the album lacks substance and their general sound grates on me. I hate the way they play their instruments, which includes Anthony's god awful vocal stylings. I'm going to bump them from 2 to 3 in tribute to my younger self and all of our younger selves.

Urban Hymns

The Verve

2/5

Dreary. I sometimes think the singles are alright, but they all sound the same. Best thing to come out of this was the Bittersweet video, even better was the Paul Kaye piss-take for Vindaloo.

Trio

Dolly Parton

3/5

Thought it'd be a slog. Actually quite good. Sweet, peaceful vibes, impressive vocals throughout. The songs were a bit samey and the sound quality was a bit crummy at times, but more to like than not like.

The United States Of America

3/5

It's a feast for the ears. Nice balance between way out there, zany 60s malarkey and softer songs with understated vocals. It's too long though. You could comfortably shave 20 minutes off this. I Won't Leave My Wooden Wife For You, Sugar was my favourite. Amazing title and reminded me of Bonzos.

Talking Heads 77

Talking Heads

5/5

Easily my favourite band of all time, and this may be my favourite album of theirs. There's not a dud track on this. What a debut! The guitar work sometimes sounds like classic rock n roll, but they have their own jerky, off kilter quality to them. The rhythm is similar with its sometimes strange time signatures and stop-starty rigidity. Then the vocals are insane, otherworldly. It's like a new wave alien angel landed, consumed punk, soul and gospel material and formed its own completely unique style. How do you contort ‘Happy Day’ so much to sound like that? The lyrics are masterful as well. Tentative Decisions is funny and relatable. Psycho Killer has stood the test of time and still sounds like it could have been released in any decade. Pulled Up is my favourite song, just a lovely sentiment and good vibes coming through.

Young Americans

David Bowie

3/5

The style and arrangements on this sound very soul and motown influenced. You can imagine Stevie or Smokey singing Young Americans. Great funky riffs, girl group backing vocals, sharp snare sound, cool basslines and saxophones going off the rails. Yet again another testament to Bowie's ability to wander between styles from one album to the next. Not my favourite, and the Across The Universe cover was bad, but a respectable 3.

Truth And Soul

Fishbone

1/5

I wish I had a fishbones wedged in both ear canals during that listen. The fusion of styles simply doesn't sound good. The songs are lousy and the singer is unremarkable. Shame on you curators. A pox on all your houses!

Hypocrisy Is The Greatest Luxury

The Disposable Heroes Of Hiphoprisy

2/5

I like a lot of the political and social issues being addressed, but the unwillingness to stray from these themes was also the downfall of the album for me. Bit too long, and bit relentless by the half way point. Also sounds like an impression of rap at the time rather than something with it's own identity.

Green

R.E.M.

2/5

A bit middle of the road. Orange Crush and Stand are the highlights and I think were the singles. Songs were ok and it made for a good hangover listen, pretty chilled. Not my fave R.E.M, that award goes to Monster.

Throwing Muses

1/5

I was instantly bored. I could hear influences like Lene Lovich, Siouxsie Sioux and Dresden Dolls, but I didn't like the songs and hate the band name.

Sound of Silver

LCD Soundsystem

2/5

I've been standing in tents at festivals with people absolutely in awe of this band, and I'm obviously missing something. They were a big part of the Meet Me In The Bathroom book and film, and again, as much as I appreciate what they're going for and their musical and technical abilities, it isn't for me. A harsh 2 because I never play their music, but I'd like to like them.

Something/Anything?

Todd Rundgren

3/5

That's a magic opening song. Always loved it, wonderfully romantic storytelling. Perfectly understated bit of slide guitar thrown in, just the right amount of backing vocal and superb vocal from Todd. The highlight of the album for me. One More Day is another great song. Reminds me of Nillsson a bit. Little Red Lights was a welcome departure from some of the more twee numbers. Starts a bit like Foxy Lady which is cool. Dust in the Wind and Hello It's Me are mid tier ballads. The song about skin colour being a frame of mind and the song Slut are a bit lame. I think Todd's trying to show off with his mellow outlook, but it sounds forced and dorky. There is some really impressive experimenting with sounds and production throughout and I think the quality of the songs is pretty consistent. Not quite a 5, but definitely deserving of 4 stars for this reason. However, I'm then bumping it down to 3 stars for the challenging duration. Few too many songs, when some could have been cut. I enjoyed Intro and Breathless, but they should have been the halfway point.

The Contino Sessions

Death In Vegas

4/5

This was brilliant. Will be listening to it again. There's a lot going on, big soundscapes, layers upon layers but it didn't become difficult to listen to. Impressed by the guest stars too. Not quite a 5, but chuffing close!

It's Too Late to Stop Now

Van Morrison

1/5

Hate a live album, unless it's exceptional. This was boring.

(Pronounced 'Leh-'Nérd 'Skin-'Nérd)

Lynyrd Skynyrd

3/5

Th bst sng s Frbrd

xx

The xx

4/5

Slick moping from the arty kids at school. It's extremely well made and still sounds fresh. I love their use of space, primitive drum machine sounds and hushed vocals.

A Nod Is As Good As A Wink To A Blind Horse

Faces

2/5

I'm not a massive Rod fan, apart from when he did that cup draw pissed. That was gold. Stay With Me is an absolute belter though. Rest of the album was alright.

All Hail the Queen

Queen Latifah

1/5

Vocals on the hook in Come Into My House sound flat, as do a lot of the vocals on this album. Dance For Me was decent enough. But most of this was incredibly boring. That stupid helium voice on track 2 was enough for me to give this 1 star. Shit.

At Mister Kelly's

Sarah Vaughan

2/5

I like Sarah Vaughan, but I rarely like a live album. This was no exception.

Morrison Hotel

The Doors

2/5

Weren't feeling this

What's Going On

Marvin Gaye

5/5

Pure class. Can't fault it.

Catch A Fire

Bob Marley & The Wailers

2/5

Fine to have on in the background, didn't really enjoy it beyond that.

Dig Me Out

Sleater-Kinney

3/5

I thought I wouldn't like this, but I enjoyed the warbling and the discord for the most part.

AmeriKKKa's Most Wanted

Ice Cube

2/5

Bored after 2 or 3 songs.

Murmur

R.E.M.

2/5

My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy

Kanye West

3/5

I hate Kanye, so it's hard to detach that from the music. I just wish he'd close his mouth when he's just resting, reminds me of the thick kids at school. Objectively this wasn't terrible. Some catchy stuff going on, he had bars at times, but a lot of the lyrics were poor. That one about eating jerk....bet he was really proud of that.

Tellin’ Stories

The Charlatans

2/5

Meh

Marcus Garvey

Burning Spear

4/5

Knew nothing about this and really enjoyed it. Very cool, very slick playing throughout.

So

Peter Gabriel

4/5

Brilliant album. Always loved PG's distinct brand of power pop. This album is probably my favourite he's had anything to do with, including early Genesis. A true artist with vision and commitment to the craft. Great big soundscapes and catchy songs throughout and of course the mighty Sledgehammer which was of course the first real music video.

Destroy Rock & Roll

Mylo

3/5

Enjoyable despite being fairly repetitive.

The Soft Bulletin

The Flaming Lips

3/5

Not bad. I don't mind their swooshy brand of indie rock, if that's what it is. Bit nothingy at times. I think I prefer Yoshimitsu Battles Robocop.

Synchronicity

The Police

3/5

Mostly good. Good songs and great musicianship. Synchronicity II and Every Breath You Take were the highlights for me. I didn't care for Mother

Blur

3/5

This was their, ‘let's let Graham do one’ after the laddy, celebrity, smash hits cover that was The Great Escape. Beetlebum has the lovely contrast between moody verse and sweet sing along chorus. Song 2 is the one everyone learns how to play, fun riff. Your poor man's Teen Spirit. Obviously they weren't entirely serious about this one. Ballad Man has a cool slacker rock malaise to it. MOR doesn't do much for me. I put On Your Own in the same box as It Could Be You, feels like the emphasis is on churning out a poppy number, rather than having good words or interesting instrumental turns in it. You're so Great, has an edgy demo like purity about it. Reminds me if Beck's One Foot in the Grave. I love Death of the Party. It's my favourite on the album. Really depressing account of a party and not having fun there. Interesting sounds and atmosphere created, and still manages to have a bit of a hook. For me, every track after this blends into a lackluster durge. Not a world beater of an album, but still pretty darn good.

There's No Place Like America Today

Curtis Mayfield

4/5

Great. Calm vibes, sounds ace, just the right duration.

Diamond Life

Sade

3/5

Nice chilled listen. At times felt like a soundtrack to an erotic neo noir TV show. Unremarkable but not offensive to the ears. (2.5 if there was such a rating)

Psychocandy

The Jesus And Mary Chain

1/5

Sounded like a dreary sixth form band playing music in a vase.

The Fat Of The Land

The Prodigy

2/5

I thought I'd love this but it weren't that great. Turns out the singles are much higher quality that the rest of the album. Fantastic live band though.

Songs Of Leonard Cohen

Leonard Cohen

2/5

I'm not a massive LC fan. This wasn't really my thing.

The Köln Concert

Keith Jarrett

3/5

Enjoying this took me by surprise.

Heroes to Zeros

The Beta Band

2/5

Bland with crap artwork (that's a bit like Limp Bizkit's Significant Other)

Rumours

Fleetwood Mac

3/5

Incredibly overrated. The Chain was fantastic and some others were decent, but also a few dull tracks.

She's So Unusual

Cyndi Lauper

3/5

Disintegration

The Cure

3/5

En-Tact

The Shamen

2/5

A cross between Bros and Happy Mondays. 2.5

Haunted Dancehall

The Sabres Of Paradise

1/5

Felt like I was at one of those glow stick goths under a bridge conventions, dancing around in New Rocks.

In A Silent Way

Miles Davis

3/5

Delightful. I did wonder in and out of active listening.

That's The Way Of The World

Earth, Wind & Fire

3/5

Pretty good. Listened to this while I was stripping wallpaper, it helped me get into a rhythm and I'm happy to report only a small portion of the original plaster is damaged, so that'll save me some money.

The Wall

Pink Floyd

3/5

I quite enjoyed this atmospheric epic. Some great songs and the brick in the wall variations were done well. I'm still not a massive fan of a double album.

Fifth Dimension

The Byrds

3/5

Tuned in songwriting with divine vocals at times, bland and meandering old man rock at others. More to like than dislike.

Queen II

Queen

3/5

Enjoyed it's glam, proggy gusto! I think the first 3 albums are of similar quality, and then from Night At The Opera and Day At The Races they really became the rocking, operatic powerhouse we all love.

Olympia 64

Jacques Brel

3/5

Play

Moby

1/5

Shite

Hounds Of Love

Kate Bush

4/5

Exquisite. One of her best.

Shadowland

k.d. lang

1/5

k.d. lame

Chelsea Girl

Nico

3/5

Yes, quite like Nico, even though it sounds like her voice is being played through a warped cassette tape. This album goes on a little bit too much with little variation in song style.

In The Court Of The Crimson King

King Crimson

1/5

I bet some boring fucker liked this. Well not this boring fucker. This was fucking boring.

Sea Change

Beck

3/5

Not my favourite Beck, but I do enjoy the breezy sort of malaise of this album.

Endtroducing.....

DJ Shadow

1/5

Hated it

Arthur (Or the Decline and Fall of the British Empire)

The Kinks

3/5

Ok, but not a patch on their other albums.

Odelay

Beck

5/5

One of my favourite Beck albums and definitely my favourite album cover of his. Devil’s Haircut is a great song, opener and concept in general. Drums sound like something from a dance anthem. The quirky synths and effects weaved between barmy words quickly establish the credo of the album ‘rotten oasis’ is a favourite of mine. Hotwax bit of an incidental country infused dentist drill of a song. Lord Only Knows has has shades of Crosby, Still, Nash and Young, Nilsson, it’s understated and bizarre at times. The New Pollution is absurd and undeniably poppy. It’s got swinging sixties drumming and guitar riff throughout. Top drawer Beck lyricism all over it. Novacane’s high pitched segment doesn’t do much for me, but hats off for creating such a horrible bit and then going into the lovely lullaby that is Jack-Ass. Where It’s At has such a cool vibe. It’s the highlight of the album for me. Superb songwriting, very vivid imagery conjured up and catchy as heck. And it has those weird Beck moments sprinkled over it ‘that was a good drum break’. Minus has that great earthy guitar and chugging momentum. Sissyneck has a lot of country bumkin, hick charm and then a brilliantly simple, sliding bluesy chorus. Once again, plenty of quality wordsmanship going on here. Ramshackle is the kind of lazy ditty Beck effortlessly makes cool. Would not be out of place on One Foot In The Grave next to Girl Dreams or Cyanide Breath Mint.

Gentlemen

The Afghan Whigs

1/5

Boggy and unfriendly.

Be

Common

2/5

Meh

The Cars

2/5

Unremarkable new wave pop. I appreciate it had some elements that were ahead of its time and it's put together well. I just couldn't get into it.

(What's The Story) Morning Glory

Oasis

3/5

Insanely overrated, but there are a few good tunes on it.

Bubble And Scrape

Sebadoh

1/5

Sebadon't

New York Dolls

2/5

Wasn't a fan. Some ok moments.

Zombie

Fela Kuti

2/5

Raising Hell

Run-D.M.C.

3/5

Head Hunters

Herbie Hancock

1/5

👎

The Bones Of What You Believe

CHVRCHES

2/5

Very ordinary. Ended up quite irritated.

Rocks

Aerosmith

2/5

Californication

Red Hot Chili Peppers

3/5

The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders from Mars

David Bowie

5/5

No Sleep 'Til Hammersmith (Live)

Motörhead

2/5

Supa Dupa Fly

Missy Elliott

3/5

Channel Orange

Frank Ocean

3/5

Tank Battles

Dagmar Krause

1/5

COULDN'T LISTEN, NOT ON SPOTIFY

Peter Gabriel 3

Peter Gabriel

1/5

Scum

Napalm Death

2/5

Crosby, Stills & Nash

3/5

Juju

Siouxsie And The Banshees

3/5

Younger Than Yesterday

The Byrds

4/5

Leftism

Leftfield

2/5

Paranoid

Black Sabbath

4/5

Back To Black

Amy Winehouse

4/5

Great songs. I love the homage to Motown and Soul greats in the production. Very Spector on places, Tears Dry On Their Own is the standout for me, reminds me of You're All I Need To Get By - Marvin Gaye. Ronson's production is everso slightly overegged. That's the only reason I'm not giving it 5 stars. I think the production on Frank coupled with Amy's charm, vicious songwriting and unique voice, makes that the better album.

Physical Graffiti

Led Zeppelin

2/5

Trampled Under Foot and Kashmir were great, not mad keen on the rest.

Iron Maiden

2/5

Sheer Heart Attack

Queen

3/5

Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness

The Smashing Pumpkins

3/5

The Queen Is Dead

The Smiths

3/5

The Message

Grandmaster Flash & The Furious Five

3/5

It's mainly just a lot of fucking around. Which we all know is important, but doesn't make for that good of a listen. Being a bit generous because of how great The Message is.

The Bends

Radiohead

5/5

Pretty fantastic album. A lot of the others sink into dreary self indulgence.

Sound Affects

The Jam

2/5

Pretty poor. I had high hopes seeing That's Entertainment listed, but that's far better than anything else on it. Start! is overrated, it's just a less good Taxman.

Highway 61 Revisited

Bob Dylan

1/5

Moon Safari

Air

2/5

Take Me Apart

Kelela

1/5

Hated it. Shit beats and annoying everything else. Decent voice.

Entertainment

Gang Of Four