‘Does it get the toddlers dancing?’ Is a useful guide to music quality. This one got the toddlers dancing

Although Spotify has done its best to ruin them for me (“hey wanna listen to Television? Hey hey you! How about adding Television to this playlist? Do you want to discover Television or Modern Lovers today?”), this is a classic

The only way I could possibly enjoy this album is if I had a friend who just loved Genesis. We would have general respect for each others' musical tastes, but Genesis would always be a point of contention. My friend would be an out-of-character superfan of the band, someone with punk roots who somehow formed this powerful connection with Peter and Phil. Our disagreements would be good natured of course, late night drinking sessions, ranting about the state of things, going song for song on the stereo. Often these sessions would end with Genesis - and I'd try, I'd really try, to get into it, but deep down I knew that this wasn't for me. Time would pass, the drinking would get less frequent and so would our catchups. I would move away to a different city. We would still talk music over whatsapp occasionally, and eventually that relationship would die too. Years later, I would find myself wandering aimlessly through the supermarket aisle - sent to pick up nappies - my head swimming from sleep deprivation caused by two children under three and a stressful career. I would look down and see my finger tapping on the shopping trolley. I look, I really look at my hand, drumming long on the sticky handle under the garish light. What’s this song? Some memory from long ago re-emerges and I recognise that “The Carpet Crawlers" is playing softly over the supermarket sound system. Then I realise, this moment, this trivial moment of daily life, is the first time I've truly been present in a long while. It brings about a revelation in me. I drive home at pace with the windows down, nappies forgotten, fingers snapping along to The Lamb Lies Down on Broadway blasting from my mid-range European station wagon out into the night air. I think of my old friend and days gone by. Though teary eyes, I regret all those wasted years, all that time spent worrying over nothing. All that time gone forever - time I could’ve spent listening to Genesis. Until that day comes, one star.

First one - giving straight up 3 stars as a benchmark to the rest. This is about me, not Radiohead

I respect this whole concept. Of all things you can do post stadium sellout superstardom, creating a cartoon experimental band is up there with the best possible outcomes. Three notes: 1) The alternative youff of Australia wear Gorillaz merch. I never would have picked this band to have cultural relevance in 2025 2) They terrify Willem (four years old at the time of writing). I whisper “that it’s all in your head” and he completely loses his shit 3) Three stars seems harsh, but it’s in context of the list and also because I don’t really like listening to this album anymore

I have been passively exposed to this album my whole life, without ever once consenting to it being put in my ears. It is like reviewing dogs barking in the distance or engines idling in gridlocked traffic - something ubiquitous and vaguely annoying thrust upon us all

This album unites people. Anyone - regardless of age, class, nationality - can agree that this is a masterpiece and Van Morrison is a raging dickhead.

It’s so good I can’t even think of a pithy joke. Actually I wish I could rate U2 lower

I would rather listen to Jagged Little Pill (two stars) than listen to this again. So for consistency’s sake (and fairness to Alanis), one star it has to be

Honourable mention for the album’s ability to instantly make everything a bit sleazier

Kept returning to this album after having Nightclubbing stuck in my head for the last three weeks

My personal favourite Tom Waits album. Have thrashed and will continue to thrash into old age

The voices startle me when listening to this with headphones. Sounds like a sleep paralysis demon whispering in your ear

Probably should’ve been three stars, but the following pushed it up: 1) The 1994 sega mega drive game ‘Rock n Roll Racing’ had a 16 bit version of Highway Star, complete with the extended solo (pure genius). The solo was like an Easter egg. One only heard it when the race was well and truely over, and you were driving around the track backwards to collect the remaining bonus items. 2) The local speedway - Woodford Glen - had a local broadcast ad with Smoke on the Water blaring way too loud (also genius). It wasn’t until high school that I realised the song was not named Woodford Glen

Three stars feels unfair, four feels generous in the context of this list. If in doubt, bump it up

I associate this album with patchouli and bad times

Was expecting to hate this way more than I did. It’s mostly harmless, like a bald hedgehog

Nothing but respect for an eleven (11) minute song on a 35 minute album

I love Ash and was stoked to see them on this list. It was like walking into a fine-dining restaurant and seeing a dirty ol’ hotdog on the menu.

This brought on an existential crisis. How to review Alanis? Do I like it (no)? Does it hold up (no)? Is it meant to hold up (no)? Does it have the cultural significance to be on this list (yes)? Does it nail what it’s trying to do (yes)? Is it brave or clever to rip the shit out of it (no)? Is it better than Radiohead’s Amnesiac (no)?

Nostalgic album that I heard a lot growing up. Extra points for Yusaf coming to Chch after the terror attack - all round good guy

This was such a party album from university days I felt drunk listening to it again

Some of the delivery is a bit dated, but the beats and general content are still fckn awesome. Driving round stoned with your mates music

Some high points and joyous waves of 90s nostalgia, but padded with too many filler tracks

‘Does it get the toddlers dancing?’ Is a useful guide to music quality. This one got the toddlers dancing

I really tried with this. It felt to me like music by committee - a whole bunch of different Producers chipping in to leave one big puddle of soulless compromise

I have listened to album maybe seven (7) times over the last two weeks, and writing this now I cannot recall a single song on the record. Either it’s unmemorable or my brain is unmemorablisable

I get Keith Moon’s contributions to binge drinking and smashing things, but godamn his drumming is annoying. Blap blap blap didida didida didida pow pow pow. Basically non-stop fills for an hour like a hyperactive toddler. Pop pop pop blam blam ba-blam boom. Also only the extended version was available to stream, and this somewhat confusingly puts the objectively worse extra stuff at the start of the album. This batshit move raised my rating from 1 to 2.

I played poker with this guy in Shanghai. He had full body tattoos, thick spirals that made him look like a soft-serve ice cream. He had an iguana that he kept losing throughout the game. It would just roam his apartment, then he’d find it on the coat rack or on the microwave or somewhere. He’d pick it up, it would scratch his arms, blood dripping over the tattoos, and he’d mention something about iguana claw bacteria and nasty infections. Then he’d sit down and play more cards. Anyway, the point of this story is the whole time this was happening, KMFDM was blasting from huge speakers. “You guys like this? It’s real industrial. KMFDM. Stands for kill mother fucker depeche mode.” I had never listened to Depeche Mode before, but did they deserve killing? Sure, why not. A relentless German beat can convince a man of anything. This KMFDM ethos stuck with me for nearly 15 years. Now, finally, I get my chance to KMFDM, through a totally undeserved two-star rating on this website.

Glad I listened to this, but I probably will never put it on again

Went down a treat on a lazy Saturday morning

Never heard of this before. 20 mins later, trying to learn the riff for Hero. Just completely butchering the shit out of it. Scaring the children.

What has nine arms and sucks?

I do enjoy a bit of Thin Lizzy, but live albums in general rank low for me among this chosen lot

Wow if these guys are only the second-best band from Liverpool, I can’t wait to hear China Crisis

I still remember hearing the Cramps for the first time in the intro to Baker 3 in 2005. Completely blew my greasy little mind

Would love to see this album score a film about a 55 year old date-rapist called ‘Chive’ who gets sentenced to 30 years jail and learns absolutely nothing

Wouldn’t have pick this album was the one I get told off for playing it too loud

Does good as what it does, but what is does don’t does it for me

I have a lot of respect for this band and the approximately 200 genres they have directly influenced

Ghostface deserves four stars for highlighting the virtues of the metric system to dumb Americans

One must draw a line somewhere in these reviews. Not everything can get the benefit of historical context. Sometimes, it is perfectly acceptable to give an honest “I don’t like this at all”. This is no disrespect to those Tears for Fears enjoyers out there. The influence of lead paint would have lingered a while after the ban

Would’ve been a 3 if this was one disc. Maybe even a 4 if it was half a disc

Thrashed this when it came out. Holds up well listening again over 20 years later

Enjoyed this way more than I was expecting. Prince cover as track #3 was an especially bold move

Better than Alanis

Although Spotify has done its best to ruin them for me (“hey wanna listen to Television? Hey hey you! How about adding Television to this playlist? Do you want to discover Television or Modern Lovers today?”), this is a classic

Completely bonkers album - one I will definitely revisit

Overall still a classic, but I was fighting a vague sense of disappointment where my memories of the album were better than the reality. Kinda like visiting your parents

The I. Ron Butterfly gag in the Simpsons still brings a big dumb grin to my face whenever I hear this band, well let’s face it, song

Some appeal as music you listen to while doing something else, but not for me

YouTube charcoal bbq montage music, flame-grilled whopper music, big wielding content music, vintage garbage truck enthusiast music, competitive eating walk-on music, mid-range SUV ads at half-time music

The Four-Year-Old refers to “junkie” as “scary dandies” because he is both fascinated and terrified of the video

Didn’t realise this was so wackity. Took me three listens to even being to form an opinion on it. Ummm… pretty good?

Feels harsh because this is an influential album, but it was a painful experience listening to this in the year of our lord 2025.

Willie is such a treasure. Somehow the music lives up to the hype of personality

Packed with great tunes across different moods, styles, and levels of seriousness that the artist takes himself

Strong start, but turns into a plotting wall of sameness pretty quickly

I’m sad now

The only way I could possibly enjoy this album is if I had a friend who just loved Genesis. We would have general respect for each others' musical tastes, but Genesis would always be a point of contention. My friend would be an out-of-character superfan of the band, someone with punk roots who somehow formed this powerful connection with Peter and Phil. Our disagreements would be good natured of course, late night drinking sessions, ranting about the state of things, going song for song on the stereo. Often these sessions would end with Genesis - and I'd try, I'd really try, to get into it, but deep down I knew that this wasn't for me. Time would pass, the drinking would get less frequent and so would our catchups. I would move away to a different city. We would still talk music over whatsapp occasionally, and eventually that relationship would die too. Years later, I would find myself wandering aimlessly through the supermarket aisle - sent to pick up nappies - my head swimming from sleep deprivation caused by two children under three and a stressful career. I would look down and see my finger tapping on the shopping trolley. I look, I really look at my hand, drumming long on the sticky handle under the garish light. What’s this song? Some memory from long ago re-emerges and I recognise that “The Carpet Crawlers" is playing softly over the supermarket sound system. Then I realise, this moment, this trivial moment of daily life, is the first time I've truly been present in a long while. It brings about a revelation in me. I drive home at pace with the windows down, nappies forgotten, fingers snapping along to The Lamb Lies Down on Broadway blasting from my mid-range European station wagon out into the night air. I think of my old friend and days gone by. Though teary eyes, I regret all those wasted years, all that time spent worrying over nothing. All that time gone forever - time I could’ve spent listening to Genesis. Until that day comes, one star.

Thought this was a solid gateway into a genre/subculture I know nothing about. May have investigated further in a different stage of life

Always find these ones difficult to review. It’s a good album because of talented vocalists, slick production and nails exactly what it set out to do, but boy oh boy this is not for me

Certainly sets a mood

The dingos finally make the list. Frontier Psychiatrist was a pretty important cross-over track - infiltrating alternate guitar heavy radio stations and providing a glimpse of something more

I love a bit of the ol’ noise drenched pop

Worse than Alanis. Canada: 1 New Zealand: 0

Finally some difficult listening to freak out the Clapton loving squares. I paid iTunes money for two (2) lightning bolt albums about 1 million years ago. It expanded my horizons. I regret nothing.

Rather evil album in both tone and content. Can imagine the devil relaxing to these tunes after a hard day of cattle-prodding Kissinger’s anus

Music wasn’t completely terrible, but lost points for having the stupidest fucking name I’ve ever heard. McDipshit and the Jizz would’ve been better. It makes me sick.

The earnest delivery of “there's a midget standing tall” was the funniest moment of the 1001 album journey so far

10 tracks, 35 minutes, strong start and finish, a lot to like about this

Always found it curious that Oasis lyrics are rather bland, but their press zingers are creatively scathing and/or hilarious. “Wayne Rooney looks like a fucking balloon with Weetabix crushed on top” “Would Jesus Christ have been a pervert if he had a crisp packet on his head?” “He's rude, arrogant, intimidating and lazy. He's the angriest man you'll ever meet. He's like a man with a fork in a world of soup” Noel on Liam

Solid album one could play when entertaining grandma and her bastard (grand) children. However I don’t think an album of covers can ever reach masterpiece status

It’s somewhat poisoned unfairly by the dreadful bands that were influenced by Jane’s Addiction. Been Caught Stealing is undeniably a classic, but still, I couldn’t get into this as an album at all. Will swear on Dave Navarro’s soul patch to try again in the future

Out of my depth with this. I feel like a my opinion carries about as much weight as a Labrador’s review of Apocalypse Now. So…fine and good?

PSA: If you have a colleague who really wants to stand in the place where she works, but her request for a stand-up desk is denied by management, she may not appreciate links to “Stand” being sent to her via company email.