Dec 01 2022
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Document
R.E.M.
Just not that good. REM is also not my music. Had potential but really didn’t do much for me.
2
Dec 01 2022
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(What's The Story) Morning Glory
Oasis
Very nostalgic, borderline 5 but some songs were very boring. Wonderwall isn’t even the best song in the album so it’s a shame people only know them for that.
4
Dec 02 2022
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Solid Air
John Martyn
Over the hill slapped. Man in the Station was a vibe. Too bad the rest was garbage.
2
Dec 05 2022
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Green Onions
Booker T. & The MG's
Pretty boring, I’d play it for background music. The first song sounded familiar, but then again most sounded the same so I’m not sure which one I know from the yesteryears.
2
Dec 06 2022
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Whatever People Say I Am, That's What I'm Not
Arctic Monkeys
Stylistically this is exactly the type of music I enjoy. However, this album is not their best in my opinion and therefore does not deserve a top rating. Even though Mardy Bum is probably my favorite song by the Arctic Monkeys, the album is probably a 3/4, so I’ll say 4 stars for the sake of it.
4
Dec 07 2022
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Bluesbreakers
John Mayall & The Bluesbreakers
Another one that I felt like I should enjoy, but simply did not. 0 songs stood out to me, but nothing was really bad. I’d never come back to it. Normally a 3 but it lost a star for disappointing me.
2
Dec 08 2022
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Bongo Rock
Incredible Bongo Band
Ok this is a 1 and I’ll tell you why. First of all, most of these are covers, which means the album itself is not very original or influential in that regard. Second, this was mainly background music. It barely made me tap my foot at its best moments. Third, and most importantly, the bongos were completely unnecessary and they actually made the songs worse at some points. Therefore, this has to be a 1 because the premise of the album was to upgrade the songs with bongos, while it actually downgraded them. It’s not your average 1 star album, but a 2 felt way too generous.
1
Dec 12 2022
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Chicago Transit Authority
Chicago
Honestly not even their best album. Still decent though. 5/10 if I could.
3
Dec 13 2022
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KIWANUKA
Michael Kiwanuka
Songs hit then I listened to his album Love & Hate which is much better. Still funky fresh and respect the grind. 7/10. Give me a half star goddamnit
4
Dec 14 2022
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New Boots And Panties
Ian Dury
That was actually terrible. I’m convinced this man was a Make a Wish kid who wanted to put an album out before he died and nobody had the heart to tell him how bad it was. Every time I thought it would get better, it got exponentially worse. Truly appalling.
1
Dec 15 2022
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That's The Way Of The World
Earth, Wind & Fire
Funky. Fresh. My man really threw some rap in there for us. Overall solid album. Was missing that it factor though. Could have been better. 4 stars.
4
Dec 16 2022
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Hard Again
Muddy Waters
Hard again? I barely even got a half chub. In terms of level of arousal, I will quote the most common phrase said by women leaving my bedroom. “That was very disappointing”. In terms of musical stylings, it had some razzle dazzle, so I’ll be generous as I often am in bed. 3 stars.
3
Dec 19 2022
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Step In The Arena
Gang Starr
Hard again? I barely even got a half chub. In terms of level of arousal, I will quote the most common phrase said by women leaving my bedroom. “That was very disappointing”. In terms of musical stylings, it had some razzle dazzle, so I’ll be generous as I often am in bed. 3 stars.
3
Dec 20 2022
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White Ladder
David Gray
Seems racist that a white man would make an album called white ladder. Seems like a corollary to corporate America and the fact that for women and minorities in the workplace there is a glass ceiling that prevents individuals from reaching their true potential while others have a proverbial white ladder to the top. As a white man going into corporate America, I not very offended by the title. Not to mention the song Babylon brought back happy memories from my childhood that I forgot existed. However, the overall album lacked a certain shebang. 2 stars for overall album, bonus star for the nostalgia.
3
Dec 21 2022
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Ready To Die
The Notorious B.I.G.
A truly legendary album. It was a bit awkward when someone walked past my room and Fuck Me (Interlude) was playing. I got weird looks. I also had a raging boner which made the interaction even more awkward. For that, 4 stars.
4
Dec 22 2022
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Run-D.M.C.
Run-D.M.C.
It’s giving high school dropouts turned SoundCloud rappers who only use GarageBand because they think they don’t have to splurge on real recording equipment. I wanted to skip every song by the 30 second mark. On par with Ian Dury.
1
Dec 23 2022
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My Generation
The Who
Actually very surprised by the sound. It really showed the time period with a lot of 60s influence. With that said, a perfectly mid album, yet closer to a 6.5 out of 10 if we’re being specific. I think in later albums they decided they couldn’t be the Beatles so they switched up their sound a bit.
3
Dec 26 2022
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A Christmas Gift For You From Phil Spector
Various Artists
I actually hate Christmas music. Call me a cynic, but it’s boring and all the music is just repeated year after year. Nobody can write a modern day Christmas song without making it sexual (I’m looking at you Justin Bieber). This is well deserved as my first 2 star. The songs are good and I can’t hate on the Ronettes, but goddamnit, I’m sick of it.
2
Dec 27 2022
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Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band
Beatles
Let me tell you a story. My grandma, born in 1950, grew up with the Beatles in her life. In 1964, the Beatles began their North American tour: 32 venues in 31 days. Every girl aged 10-18 in the country was begging to get tickets, willing to sell a kidney just to get a sniff of the Beatles. Finally, the day came where tickets went on sale, and my dear grandmother’s cousin got tickets! What joy! As luck would have it, my grandmother’s cousin and her friend were quite young, still a preteen, and they needed a responsible older girl to go with them. A 14 year old they trusted. Wait…that’s my grandmother!!! Any normal teenage girl would have been beaming, thrilled to have the once in a lifetime opportunity to see the Beatles live at the Boston Garden. My grandmother, however, was not a normal teenage girl. She HATED the Beatles with a passion. She thought their music was boring and that girls were too into them. She has in fact stated many times that she only listens to “real rock”. In fact, to quote her on her concert experience, my grandmother despised going, saying “You couldn’t actually hear anything they were singing because the crowd of girls was just shrieking the whole time”. She puts it up there as one of the worst concerts she has ever been to, and to this day refuses to listen to the Beatles. For that reason, along with other inconsistencies I found within the album, I cannot give this a 5 as many others have. This one’s for you Grammy!
4
Dec 28 2022
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The Only Ones
The Only Ones
I’m incredibly confused right now. I actually have no complaints about this album or any songs. Instrumentals are good, it fits the punk genre well, and I actually think the lead singer’s voice connects well with my earballs. Yet, much like a book without pictures, I began to lose interest after 15 minutes and my mind drifted off. There was nothing that made this bad, but also it was nothing special at all. Just a bunch of old guys who groomed a teenager and made him the lead singer of their midlife crisis dad band. 2.75 so we’ll say a 3 but that feels a tad generous
3
Dec 29 2022
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Eternally Yours
The Saints
I opened this album the other day and said my good lord Jesus why did they give us another unknown shitty punk album. And then I pressed play. And they hit me with TRUMPETS?! I’m a sucker for trumpets first off. And then I kept listening and realized, wait a second, now I remember why I like punk. Because real punk is actually fucking good. And for the first time they gave us a real punk album, with great guitar riffs and drum beats that go insanely hard. Plus, it went beyond the classic 4 instrument setup, which was magical. This album made me want to run through a wall in the best way, a few of these songs will be put on the playlist, and I actually went back to an album for the first time. This is exactly why I joined this group - I wanted to find albums that I had never heard that speak to me on a deeper level, and this one brought out my inner emo kid. My first 5 star review, and well deserved at that.
5
Dec 30 2022
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Millions Now Living Will Never Die
Tortoise
Not my thing. There were good moments, then sometimes they got ruined. Nothing I’d come back to.
2
Jan 02 2023
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Being There
Wilco
Yeehaw! Alternative country is a vibe, I actually kinda liked it. Red-Eyed and Blue was a very good song in my opinion. Overall, I’d say the content of this album puts it at about a 3, but with the Surprise Factor™️, it’s a 3.75, so we round to a 4. I’d probably revisit a handful of these songs, maybe one or two end up on the playlist.
4
Jan 03 2023
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People's Instinctive Travels and the Paths of Rhythm
A Tribe Called Quest
Not my type of music, but better than I expected. My head was bobbing but that’s about as far as I’d go. High 2 low 3, probably wouldn’t go back to it. I’m too white for the message in the lyrics to speak to me.
3
Jan 04 2023
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Trafalgar
Bee Gees
Not the Bee Gees that I expected to hear, and I’m thankful for that. You kind of forget that the group had a short ballad era and these songs really are haunting in the best way. I love ballads but I see why other people may hate them. Dearest is kind of a cheesy song but I loved it, I’d add it to a playlist or just listen solo if I’m in a somber mood. If this album wasn’t so rushed being made I think it could be a 5 star album in my eyes, but 4 stars for sure right now.
4
Jan 05 2023
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Dig Me Out
Sleater-Kinney
This album made me a misogynist. I audibly laughed at some songs. There is such a thing as too much vibrato.
1
Jan 06 2023
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In The Court Of The Crimson King
King Crimson
I knew the album cover and had heard this was an epic album, so I was excited. Turned out it wasn’t much more than background music for me which only rarely caught my attention. Nothing really special here to me, prog rock has gotten better over time. Perfectly mid 2.5/5 but I give it a 2 because I was slightly disappointed.
2
Jan 09 2023
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The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill
Lauryn Hill
This album won so many awards and I can see why. First of all, Ms. Hill’s voice is spectacular, giving major hints of Amy Winehouse (or vice versa because Lauryn came first). Second, the story was well told and I didn't hate the little outros in the songs mimicking a classroom conversation. However, some of the beats (shoutout woofmeow) were placed a but weirdly and did not mesh with the lyrics to me. I still think this is a comfortable 4. I’d also like to add that I think I’ve been too generous to prior rap/r&b albums and would like to knock them all down a star on the record here. Rap is not my thing and I’ve been placating some of my haters who tell me I disrespect a lot of rap. At the end of the day, it’s not really my thing, and my ratings should reflect that. Therefore, this is a 4, but every other album with a similar genre should be knocked down 1 star. Oh also props to the cover on the second to last song. Frankie Valli did it better but this put an interesting spin on it.
4
Jan 10 2023
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Made In Japan
Deep Purple
I appreciated this even though it was long as hell. The solos were magnificent, specifically the guitar solos. Also the vocals were immensely impressive, very few people can hit those notes. With that said, it was a bit drawn out in my opinion. Could’ve kept it to 60 or 90 minutes. 3.5 stars, I’ll say a 4 to be generous.
4
Jan 11 2023
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Rising Above Bedlam
Jah Wobble's Invaders Of The Heart
Not the worst thing in the world but not anything I would ever come back to. Just plain boring, but not on the same level of a 1 star. Those albums hold a special place in hell.
2
Jan 12 2023
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A Wizard, A True Star
Todd Rundgren
I don't want to work
I want to bang on the drum all day
I don't want to play
I just want to bang on the drum all day
Ever since I was a tiny boy
I don't want no candy
I don't need no toy
I took a stick and an old coffee can
I bang on that thing 'til I got blisters on my hand because
I don't want to work
I want to bang on the drum all day (yes I do)
I don't want to play
I just want to bang on the drum all day (that's right)
Now if that song was on this album, I’d give it more consideration. Instead, at its best it’s a 3, at its worst it’s a 1. Plus I hate creepy wizard bands. People that listened to this played Dungeons and Dragons in their basement. 2 stars.
2
Jan 13 2023
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Haunted Dancehall
The Sabres Of Paradise
I have two conflicting thoughts here. On the one hand, I did not want to finish this album and was sick of it very fast. On the other hand, there was some interesting stuff towards the tail end of the album. I went from laughing thinking of someone who clogged the toilet at their friends house and not knowing what to do about it in the first song, to bobbing my head along with some of them by the end of it all. Because I didn’t expect to like it, it gets extra points. This is a 2, but it could have been a 3 under different circumstances.
2
Jan 16 2023
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Black Sabbath
Black Sabbath
Very spooky. Much more in line with my taste in music than a lot of the recent stuff. It’s easy to forget how well Ozzy does as frontman until you really listen to him sing the lyrics. No songs really stood out as total winners to me, but I enjoyed the album nonetheless. Everything was just well done and cohesive. A lower 4, but still a 4.
4
Jan 17 2023
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Stand!
Sly & The Family Stone
The original funk, man. I want to talk about the song Sex Machine for a minute. I’m convinced this man took out a stopwatch as soon as he got naked with a woman, timed how long it took him to finish, and then decided to make a song of that exact time length. I’ll be honest, the beginning was slow and this was a 3 maybe a 2 at first, but the middle and end were very good. Everyday People really brought it over the top, and You Can Make It If You Try was fantastic too. Overall I’m solidly at a 7/10, so I’ll be very kind and say 4.
4
Jan 18 2023
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Deep Purple In Rock
Deep Purple
A bit confused why this album was chosen to be on here. There’s really nothing in particular that made this album too special. Maybe the guy making this list just really liked the song Child in Time? Beats me. It’s a decent album overall, but just feels unnecessary to listen to before I die. It’s a low 3 because I like the genre, but the Live in Japan album was much better. Also I’d like to say for reference there are 3 Deep Purple albums on this list, which is equal to the number of Queen albums on here and 1 more than the number of AC/DC albums and Fleetwood Mac albums. Even if you know nothing about music, you’d think that’s strange. I know 0 people who would name a Deep Purple album or song in their top 20, maybe even top 50. I’m not mad, just disappointed.
3
Jan 19 2023
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Liege And Lief
Fairport Convention
Simultaneously better than I thought and worse than I thought. I am averse to female vocalists which would always hurt this album here. Smack in the middle at 3 stars.
3
Jan 20 2023
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Rust Never Sleeps
Neil Young & Crazy Horse
Here’s the thing. I don’t like Neil Young’s voice. It gets annoying quickly. The songs themselves are not too shabby, Powderfinger in particular was quite good, but his voice detracts from the songs. With the ideal singer this would be a 4, but with Mr. Young it’s a 2.
2
Jan 23 2023
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Siamese Dream
The Smashing Pumpkins
Ya know I had to listen to this a few times because I never really could tell what to give it. A two? A three? A four maybe? I tend to like this genre, but for some reason this album was not speaking to me. Most of the songs did not stand out to me, but I enjoyed the album nonetheless. I can’t really explain this rating. The album was good not great, and didn’t tickle the senses as much as I would have hoped.
3
Jan 24 2023
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Can't Buy A Thrill
Steely Dan
I feel like this album isn’t getting enough credit from the rest of y’all. Their first album release and they got three top hits from it? That’s damn impressive. Not to mention, it was one of the fringe era bands, still experimenting with the rock sound and making it their own. I think they did a fantastic job with this album and it deserves a ton of praise. Not the best of the best, but I did like it more than I ever remembered.
4
Jan 25 2023
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Butterfly
Mariah Carey
Sure this exceeded my expectations, but my expectations were already at the floor, so it doesn’t say too much. It was boring, but it wasn’t bad at all. She went for the high notes a few too many times, yet there was more depth than that. A fringe three if I’m being real here, but I’m not coming back to any of these songs for any reason because I’m not a huge fan of the genre.
2
Jan 26 2023
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A Date With The Everly Brothers
The Everly Brothers
Ah yes the good ole 60’s, back when women were treated as objects. In all seriousness though I do enjoy this era a ton, but their voices had a bit too much twang for me. Twang probably isn’t the right word but you get what I mean. It was just pleasant, and I was in a good mood listening to all the songs. Bonus points for being such a short album, gave me ample time to relisten. Not quite good enough to be considered as a four sadly.
3
Jan 27 2023
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Lady Soul
Aretha Franklin
Welcome to Club 5 Star! This album is an absolute gem, and I can never get enough of it. As a man I will always proudly sing (You Make Me Feel Like) A Natural Woman whenever I’m feeling good. Then we’ve also got Chain of Fools, Ain’t No Way, People Get Ready, AND (Sweet Sweet Baby) Since You’ve Been Gone. Mmmm. Delicious. The whole album is just so well done, you can feel Aretha’s presence through the album, and you quite literally cannot skip this album if you want to know how modern music evolved. Truly magnificent through and through.
5
Jan 30 2023
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Abraxas
Santana
Oh I know Santana! Remember when he did a song with Rob Thomas (of Matchbox Twenty)? Or when he did a song with Chad Kroeger (of Nickelback)? Or when he did a song with Dave Matthews (of Dave Matthews Band)? Or when he did a song with Steven Tyler (of Aerosmith)? Or when he did a song with Eric Clapton (of The Yardbirds, John Mayall & the Bluesbreakers, Cream, etc.)? Or when he did a song with CeeLo Green (of Gnarls Barkley)? Or when he did a song with Gloria Estefan (of the Miami Sound Machine)? Or when he did a song with Shakira ({formerly} of Gerard Piqué)?
Yeah, those songs were all better than any on this album except for Black Magic Woman / Gypsy Queen.
3
Jan 31 2023
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The Specials
The Specials
UK ska? I’m pretty sure those two terms are mutually exclusive. Does this album count as cultural appropriation? Not to mention, I’m quite certain that the song Monkey Man has racial undertones.
Anywho, this album is just plain strange. There are some redeeming factors, such as A Message to You Rudy, but then to follow that up with Do the Dog is frankly appalling. The lyrics are good and I appreciate the history behind the album, but the music surrounding it is cut and paste at its best. Do better, UK ska. Do better.
2
Feb 01 2023
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Rum Sodomy & The Lash
The Pogues
This is my new anthem for when I’m downing pints at my local Irish pub. Too bad I live in America. And I don’t drink.
2
Feb 02 2023
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The Notorious Byrd Brothers
The Byrds
Remember that Family Guy episode where Peter and Lois got stoned out of their minds and started a band? That’s exactly what this album felt like. The drugs are palpable here. In case you don’t know what I’m talking about, here’s a video for reference: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=1_-_JIhtMqU
2
Feb 03 2023
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Fred Neil
Fred Neil
I’ve come home late from work tonight. It’s around 9pm, a single street lamp with a yellowish glow shines out the window, and I’m sipping on a cup of tea. The record player is switched on and I piece through the vinyls, looking for something that fits the mood. All of a sudden I come across this album, unlistened to for the past 6 months, sandwiched between some of the other castoffs. It’s a nice night, and the songs soothe me after a long day. However, as we near the end of the album, that feeling of loneliness starts to creep in. Who is there to hold me tonight? Is my life progressing the way I dreamed it would? How have things changed since I last listened to this album? Loneliness turns into sadness. I dispose of the tea bag, place the mug by the sink, and shuffle off to bed. As the shades are closed and the bedside lamp is switched off, I stare into the black of night. I can’t help but sense around me this sensation: pure emptiness. That, that is what I feel inside.
4
Feb 06 2023
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Moondance
Van Morrison
This is one of those albums where I actually knew a ton of the songs but have no idea when or where I heard them. Oh to be a small child with a malleable mind and an ear for the oldies. This was clearly a well done album, especially the first five songs, but unfortunately it didn’t hit like I hoped it would. I’d listen again, but not anytime soon. I was going to give this another go around to determine whether this was a 3 or a 4, but then Sam Cooke came on right after and I instantly made my decision.
3
Feb 07 2023
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Off The Wall
Michael Jackson
Mmmm this was good. Rock with You is also my favorite Michael song so extra points here. And before you all bring it up, no, Michael Jackson was NOT a pedo, he just happened to like spending time with young children and having sleepovers with them. I’d ask all of you to take a good long look in the mirror and truly answer this question: don’t we all?
4
Feb 08 2023
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Heavy Weather
Weather Report
Started out fresh and fruity. Like a banana about to be perfectly ripe. A yellowish green that promises enjoyment to those who wait patiently. We wait for a few songs, yet the banana does not seem to ripen to that golden yellow. We wait longer, hoping, praying for that succulent sunshine. Waiting, wishing, dreaming. We then see a brown spot form amongst the green. And another. And another. Before long the whole banana is a mix of brown, green and yellow. What bitter disappointment for us to witness such promise turn into dismay. Where does an album, I mean banana, with such promise belong? The same place as all other rotted bananas. The garbage.
2
Feb 09 2023
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I Do Not Want What I Haven't Got
Sinead O'Connor
We had a talent show for my elementary school back when I was in 4th grade. Anyone between the third and fifth grades were allowed to participate. One girl in the fifth grade - a pudgy broad with thick glasses and ratty hair - decided that she wanted to be the singer songwriter type. This was before the rise of the shy singer songwriter girls of the early to mid 2010s. Where she got the inspiration to sing is beyond me. Maybe Taylor Swift? Regardless, she went up on stage with her guitar in front of the entire school to sing an original song that she wrote. We were all waiting in anticipation to hear this shy girl spring out of her shell and become reborn as the resident pop star. The song she chose to perform was called “Butterfly”. And it was AWFUL. Let me say that again. AWFUL. Truly horrendous. The lyrics escape me, but it went something like “I will spread my wings and fly high, I am a butterfly”. And good lord she could not sing. Or play guitar for that matter. It was overall just a trainwreck. Everyone in the audience was at their best snickering, and at their worst howling laughing. Even the teachers couldn’t contain themselves. It was that bad. We all mocked her song relentlessly for the next 3 weeks. I think she transferred schools after that year.
But yeah this album reminded me vividly of that moment, just with better instrumentals and an Irish accent. I haven’t thought about that in years. Thank you for putting a smile on my face Sinead! Too bad your only good song was a cover of Prince’s. Now that’s an artist that can actually sing.
1
Feb 10 2023
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The Undertones
The Undertones
Oooh this is that punchy, short punk that gets me going. Spectacular instrumentally, but the songs were poorly constructed. Almost felt like they were stuck in the sock hop era for a band from the 70s. Not to mention all the repetition in the songs even though they were all less than 3 minutes. I liked it, but I could’ve liked it more.
3
Feb 13 2023
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On The Beach
Neil Young
Alright let’s cut to the chase. The music deserves a 5. Neil Young’s voice deserves a 1. We settle at a 3. Happy?
3
Feb 14 2023
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B-52's
The B-52's
I can’t with all these shitty albums anymore. It’s painful. Here’s another Family Guy video I guess. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=2ZxdOeXUiJ0
2
Feb 15 2023
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Lust For Life
Iggy Pop
Sure, he’s a creepy looking bag of skin. Sure, he wrote a song about boning a 13 year old girl (which was taken off of Spotify). Sure, this entire album was primarily Bowie music that Mr. Pop sang over. But hey, it ain’t that bad. Could have been a 4 if I was in a better mood. He’s the kind of weird I’d want to see live.
3
Feb 16 2023
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Highway 61 Revisited
Bob Dylan
I’m going to be nice because I’ve been a bit mean lately regarding past albums. I actually took the time to focus on the lyrics instead of the vocals, which are notably shitty. Not Ian Dury level, but bad. Like I might audition for American Idol now because this album gave me hope. Anywho, Dylan’s songs are usually real thinkers and I’ll stick to that for this album. They’re a bit excessive at times, but there’s a story in there which is always nice. Normally this is a 3, but today I want to say it’s a 4 because it’s a different Dylan than I expected and it shows versatility beyond just pure folk. Do I feel good about the rating? No. But I gotta round up at some point.
4
Feb 17 2023
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Live At The Star Club, Hamburg
Jerry Lee Lewis
Imagine living in the 60s and showing up to Club Hamburg and seeing this man jam out on the piano and and sing his heart out. Not to mention he has such a commanding voice that the band is a mere suggestion behind him. This was exceptional. I feel transported. I have a new appreciation for him as an artist and for all of his songs. For gosh sakes I even want to dance! And I hate dancing! It’s a shame that nowadays at concerts you’re expected to pack into an open field like sardines, jump up and down until you inevitably crush someone’s lungs with your dirty Air Force Ones, and yell nonsensical words set to a shitty electronic beat. Don’t know why but Travis Scott’s Astroworld performance comes to mind. Specifically the Houston, Texas one.
Getting back to this album: it is cohesive. It flows perfectly. There’s a true performance aspect to it. Overall, it was just fun. A fantastic 22 minutes, made even more impressive when considering it was done live. Ya know what I’m gonna send it, I loved everything about this album. 5 stars!
5
Feb 20 2023
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Aladdin Sane
David Bowie
When the only defining aspect of an album is its cover art, can we really consider it one of the best ever? Look I’m not a huge Bowie guy to begin with, but this album just doesn’t really belong on here. It was still good, don’t get me wrong, but nothing stood out. He’s pretty clever with the naming and the title track was silly with the slamming on the piano, but I don’t need to come back to any of these songs, nor did I need to listen to this album. Sorry, but not really.
2
Feb 21 2023
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Hot Rats
Frank Zappa
I think this album can be best explained with a lateral example in the art world. When we think of famous painters, Pablo Picasso comes to mind first for many of us. Picasso was renowned for his Cubist paintings, founding the style which had never been a concept before him. Picasso started his career in his teenage years doing realistic portraiture, and he was quite good. He clearly had a gift for art. As he aged, he continued to paint portraits, but they gradually became what many of us would deem “sloppier”. The brush strokes became longer, the colors were blended less, and the paintings were overall less realistic. More years passed, and her began to play with distinct color schemes, tending to show feelings of somberness with blue hues throughout many of his famous works. The focus was less on the figures he was painting, and more on the emotion he was conveying though the portrait. As he aged into his elder and twilight years, he had fully moved away from realism. Cubism was born, and they are what Picasso is known for most today. If you look at a famous Picasso painting, you may be tempted to say “I can do that”. And maybe you could replicate something like that. But you would never have come up with it on your own. It took years to master his craft, and once he mastered it he was able to experiment further. Once he mastered those experimental phases, the last thing there was to do was to pioneer a new movement.
Frank Zappa is Pablo Picasso. His music is quite silly, it sounds like a mess at times, and many people would be tempted to say about some of the songs “I can do that”. But you can’t. Because Frank Zappa has mastered his craft, and having done so he embarked on an experimental phase. Unfortunately, that is where this album stops for me - the experimental phase. The movement came afterwards. God bless and rock on.
3
Feb 22 2023
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Talking Book
Stevie Wonder
Did you ever have that debate with your friends about whether it’s better to be deaf or blind? Some of these songs make me think it’s better to be deaf, others make me want to be blind. Yes I had to do a blind joke, it’s Stevie Wonder.
3
Feb 23 2023
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Ten
Pearl Jam
Can we give some more respect to Pearl Jam please. If Kurt Cobain didn’t blow his brains out, Pearl Jam might have stayed bigger than Nirvana. This is their debut album, some of their best and most iconic songs came from this album, and we can’t even understand 95% of the words. Seriously, tell me more than 10 different words in Even Flow. You can’t. But the song still slaps, and so do all the others. Eddie Vedder has that voice that can sing the phone book. It booms over the echoing instruments in the background, and the instruments are also fantastic I should add. I could say more about this album, but I don’t feel the need to. It’s Seattle grunge, and I like Seattle grunge. The album, however, never brings me back. I actually space out my listens by a few months at a time because it’s a lot sometimes. Another fringe 5 that I can’t give a 5 because I know it’s not one of my all time favorites and I knew what to expect coming into it.
4
Feb 24 2023
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Nevermind
Nirvana
I was 13 years old when I experienced this album for the first time in full. A gawky, pale boy, I needed to find my way. Having started at a new school that year, not only was I struggling to make friends (ie. I had close to zero), but all of my former friends were suddenly just that - former friends. My parents were more worried about my grades than my feelings, my sister was living in her own world, and nothing seemed to be going right. It was a dark time. Honestly, I didn’t just feel alone. I was alone. It was at that point in my life where I discovered Nevermind, and boy did it change my world. Every song would run the range of emotions: sadness, anger, even some happiness via sarcastic humor. It’s cliché to say that you feel like an artist “gets” you, but Kurt Cobain really did get it. He got me, he got you, he got all of us. At a time when I needed to be heard, I listened. And it made all the difference.
5
Feb 27 2023
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Nothing's Shocking
Jane's Addiction
I’ve never heard this album before but the sound is so intriguing to me. The first thing I heard was some 70s psychedelic rock, similar to Pink Floyd or Led Zeppelin. Then I started to get some 80s hair metal, a genre I grew up on, for better or for worse (mainly better). But then you get a taste of grunge, which surprised me most of all given the time frame of this album. Overall it was a solid album, one that I’d come back to occasionally, but because it surprised me so much I have to bump the rating up.
4
Feb 28 2023
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Californication
Red Hot Chili Peppers
This band and album was quite literally fueled by heroin. Their lead singer was a junkie sex addict who desperately wanted to be a rapper. Their bassist was a junkie midget who jumped around on stage like a maniac. Their guitarist (for this album) was a junkie just out of rehab who quit as soon as the band broke it big so he could do more heroin. Their drummer was a junkie (cocaine this time) who joined the band only because they already had a record deal in place. Oh and not to mention the crazy amounts of sexual misconduct that they all got wrapped up in. Yet, individually all of them are so talented (minus whenever Kledis raps). Seriously, all of them would have made it big regardless, but they just happened to make it big together. Their music incorporates so many interesting elements and you can easily isolate each instrument’s sound. You get some funk, some punk, a dash of R&B, hints of classic rock, and more! Considering that they were just a group of buds from high school who went through hell together and through it all made it into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, that’s hella impressive. This is the best album they made, but as with many famous albums, we forget how bad some of the lesser songs are. It doesn’t warrant 5 stars unfortunately, but it’s close.
4
Mar 01 2023
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Apocalypse 91… The Enemy Strikes Black
Public Enemy
Is anyone else uncomfortable with how racially charged these songs are?
Extra star because Black Lives Matter ✊🏿
2
Mar 02 2023
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Buenas Noches From A Lonely Room
Dwight Yoakam
I hate all those freaking people that say “I love all genres of music…except country haha!” Your attempt to be quirky makes you even more basic. It also shows you don’t know anything about music. It’s ok not to love all genres, but you need to appreciate them all for what they stand for. Dwight Yoakam stands for the two basics of country: yee and haw. Speaking of basic, this album has almost no distinguishing features. It’s so bland that it feels like someone is jamming an unseasoned, overcooked chicken breast into my ears. There’s no good reason for this album of his to be on this list, and it’s proof that whoever made this list knows very little about country. It’s not bad and does not warrant a one, but I could quite literally hear this crap at any bar in Nashville.
2
Mar 03 2023
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Oedipus Schmoedipus
Barry Adamson
Remember when they aired Jesus Christ Superstar Live in Concert on NBC back in 2018? Yeah I don’t either, I don’t think anyone watched it. But it had John Legend, Sara Bareilles and Alice Cooper in the cast, which is really strange. It honestly feels like a fever dream, much like this album. It’s clever and deserves extra points for that, but if this was an actual soundtrack to a movie, I likely would not watch that movie. Much like how I did not watch Jesus Christ Superstar Live in Concert. At least NBC assembled a star cast to feed their viewers.
2
Mar 06 2023
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Celebrity Skin
Hole
I wanted to be blown away by this album. I expected a hurricane. A typhoon. A cyclone. Yet all I got was some thunderstorms and strong gusts. I think a branch or two might’ve fallen too. But the power didn’t go out. So yeah, this album could’ve been better clearly. I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt because we had some great grunge albums the past week and clearly they can’t match Nirvana or Pearl Jam.
3
Mar 07 2023
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Raw Power
The Stooges
The background noise of a crying kid next to me at the airport really tied together this album for me. Because Iggy Pop makes kids cry. Because he touches them. I still stand by the fact that this is good music and I would like to see him in concert. Maybe in the future, once we’re both in hell.
3
Mar 08 2023
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The Marshall Mathers LP
Eminem
I’m not a hip hop fan and frankly this was way too violent. Not sure how Marshall wasn’t committed to a mental institution after this one. Yet surprisingly, it kept me engaged, the songs were well formulated, and it was fun to listen to. Maybe lost some juice towards the end, but sheesh he’s got some bars. Quite possibly the only instance of a white man being a credible rapper. I am notorious for over ranking my true feelings on hip hop, so here ya go.
3
Mar 09 2023
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Straight Outta Compton
N.W.A.
I’ll be honest, rap groups are absolutely hilarious to me. N.W.A. is literally just an edgier version of *NSYNC. I find it corny and it’s hard to believe that this was one of the defining albums in hip hop history. I’m resisting the inner urges to give this a 1. Never mind, the inner urges won.
1
Mar 10 2023
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The Chronic
Dr. Dre
Yeah I can't get into any of this stuff.This genre does nothing for my soul except make me want to commit violence in the streets. Heck I might go out and buy a glock for funzies after getting this, Straight Outta Compton, and The Marshall Mathers LP back to back to back.
2
Mar 13 2023
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Tracy Chapman
Tracy Chapman
Let’s start with the fact that Fast Cars was, is, and always will be transcendental. If I’m being purely subjective on the whole album, it’s clear that the reason Tracy is on here is because of her lyrics. They are moving and they themselves are worthy of a 4 or 5. But instrumentally, this is nothing more than trashy acoustic calypso worthy of a 1 or 2. I’ll settle in the middle at a 3.
3
Mar 14 2023
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Metallica
Metallica
My expectations for this coming into it were higher than Snoop Dog on 4/20. A legendary album, legendary songs, selling millions of copies? Has to be mind blowing, right? Unfortunately, as the album continued on, my appreciation for it got lower than Shawty when Flo Rida sings. It felt like there was too much dead space in the songs in between guitar riffs and singing/growling. It just never really tickled my tummy in the way I hoped. It was still very good, but I don't know, this feels a bit sad.
3
Mar 15 2023
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The Downward Spiral
Nine Inch Nails
I thought my speaker was broken. They’d be whispering to the point where I understand none of it, then I turn the volume up slightly and they’re screaming at me 3 seconds later. I felt slightly violated, like that time with Father John. I actually thought I would like this album at first but it disappointed me much more than words can describe. Industrial rock is not a genre, it’s just screaming over leaky pipes. I can go to any low income housing complex to hear that.
2
Mar 16 2023
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Hms Fable
Shack
At the time of this little ditty, I was inching near a high rating. I then quickly realized that we had been getting so much garbage music in the recent days that this was just not horrible. Modernized sea shanties are a cool vibe, but not much beyond that. Can't say I'll be jamming out to Streets of Kenny on my way to work, but maybe if I was in the right mood I would revisit this.
3
Mar 17 2023
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Southern Rock Opera
Drive-By Truckers
*BREAKING NEWS*
*Recently unreleased conversations between the selectors of all 1001 albums are now being shared with the public*
Selector 1 [Mark]: "Hey Joe, I have an idea."
Selector 2 [Joe]: "Alright Mark let me hear it."
Mark: "Ok so you know my cousin Dave, the one with the Lynyrd Skynyrd cover band?"
Joe: "Of course I know Dave. He's still in that band? I figured he would have given it up by now to focus on a real career."
Mark: "Yup he's still in it. And he's releasing an album soon. He keeps trying to get me and the rest of the family buy it and recommend to friends but it's so bad I just can't."
Joe: "I think I see where you're going with this... you want to put this album on our list?"
Mark: "I'm just saying it would be really funny if we did and it would get him off my back. Two birds with one stone kind of deal."
Joe: "Haha ok I like it, but we already have 1000 albums picked, which one do you want to bump off the list?"
Mark: "That's where it gets really good, we should just make it 1001 albums! Nobody will know and it will make the list seem a bit quirkier by having the extra one."
Joe: "Mark. You are a genius! And the best part is that nobody would know!"
Mark: "Exactly, nobody would know!"
*Joe and Mark were sorely mistaken. We all knew this was proper shit*
1
Mar 20 2023
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Lupe Fiasco's Food & Liquor
Lupe Fiasco
This was the precursor to an era of music that needs to be forgotten to time - 2010 R&B pop. You know who I'm talking about. Usher's Raymond v Raymond album. Taio Cruz with his The Rokstarr Hits Collection. Even Bruno Mars and his Doo-Wops & Hooligans album. All music that has millions upon millions of plays, but is so trashy the garbage man won't even pick it up from the side of the road. This album walked so they could run. But hey at least he made Battle Scars, that song slaps.
2
Mar 21 2023
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Five Leaves Left
Nick Drake
It sufficed as background music and was very pleasant when I listened closely, but it never grabbed my attention. I felt like I was shopping for slacks at Macy's on a random Thursday in August. Not an ideal day, but the sales are great and lord knows I need new chinos.
3
Mar 22 2023
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Destroyer
KISS
Let's get one thing straight. No it's not a fantastically made conceptual album. It won't wow you with its instrumentation. It's not very inventive in general. But I'll be gosh darned if I don't give the only Kiss album on this list of 1001 albums the respect it deserves. Part of the draw to this album was the show that the band put on with the music. They were crazy characters who were good at making music and their hits are legendary. The group puts Detroit Rock City and Beth on the same album, come on, they are so different and both insanely good. They are versatile and I feel like they are a bit disrespected because of their personas. I'm fighting to give Kiss the respect they deserve on the Global reviews - I urge you all to join me.
4
Mar 23 2023
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The Stone Roses
The Stone Roses
This is one of those that kills me inside. The genre is great, the instrumentals are great, it is all set up for success, then the lead singer mumbles like he's trying to chew on cotton. Sing clearly so we can understand you please. This would be a fringe 5 otherwise. I'm not mad, just disappointed.
3
Mar 24 2023
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Sticky Fingers
The Rolling Stones
I actually knew a guy nicknamed Sticky Fingers in high school. None of you want to hear his backstory but I'm telling you regardless. Are you ready? No? Well here we go!
So Sticky Fingers, Sticky for short, was three years older than me, like most of my friends at the time. I was not acquainted with any of them when they were early high school students, but by the time I was a freshman and they were seniors we became friends. Occasionally I had heard the rest of the group refer to him as Sticky behind his back, but I was never one to but in and ask for the backstory. Two years later, while they were all in college, everyone was just drunk enough to tell me the whole story. So here it is...
As sophomores in high school, the group threw a party one Saturday. The group was primarily guys, a few of their girlfriends too, but in general it was a real sausage fest. They all got very very hammered that night, as was usual for their soirees. I should also mention that they were notorious for their gay tendencies. I'm talking sneaky nuts (urban dictionary if you don't know), ass slaps, drunk smooches on the cheek. You name it, they probably did it. But back to the story.
On this night, someone had a grand idea of doing a circle jerk onto a piece of white bread. So they did it. They all gathered around, whipped their cocks out, and started masturbating onto a piece of Wonder Bread. Why the Indian man hosting the party had Wonder Bread at his house is beyond me, but he did. Eventually, everyone finished except for one - Sticky. Sticky felt ashamed, and frankly he needed to finish for his own wellbeing, so he stumbled into a room.
In that room, blacked out on a bed, was one of the guys in the group. He had been knocked out for over an hour now and had no concept that the circle jerk had happened. Well, Sticky, in his drunken state, pulled his dick back out and started tugging at it again. Now that he was in private, he could really focus on the task in hand. All of a sudden, he felt it cumming. With nowhere to put the incoming ejaculate, he chose the only logical spot: the sleeping man's hand.
The next morning, the sleeping man woke up from his alcohol induced coma and found that his hand had something weird on it. Asking the rest of the group, they were all confused too. As they walked back through the events of the night, they finally deduced this story. Sticky later admitted to one person that he did do it, and that person told the rest of the group.
And that is the story of Sticky Fingers. I hope you all enjoyed.
3
Mar 27 2023
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Mothership Connection
Parliament
Cheesier than a Wisconsinite's head at Lambeau Field.
2
Mar 28 2023
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The Last Broadcast
Doves
I am speechless. Unsure what to say here. Literally could not miss. I have never heard of this band or any of their songs until now, but it was worth the wait. Some call it brit-pop, others call it indie rock, I call it perfection. The first listen through made me think 4 instantly, but for days afterwards I was singing the songs in my head. I had been saying that I regret not giving Oasis a 5, but this album felt exponentially better. Albums like these are the reason I joined this group. I just feel pure bliss.
5
Mar 29 2023
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Kala
M.I.A.
It's like if Lorde and Akon had a love child and that love child turned out to be tone deaf. The best part of this album was when my AirPods wouldn't connect for a whole minute and I thought the first song started with a moment of silence. Paper Planes and Jimmy saved this from oblivion.
2
Mar 30 2023
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Blood, Sweat & Tears
Blood, Sweat & Tears
Another band I never knew existed until this album popped up on my screen, but I'm happy they do exist. There's some real crap in here, I'll be real with you. But if you ignore the 12 minutes of Blues, Pt. 2 then it's a very solid album. You've Made Me So Very Happy is one of my new favorite songs, the vocals are actually a very interesting gravelly sound that fits with the jazzy orchestra sound behind. The surprise factor always helps with the rating in these cases, and I'm eager to come back to the album at a later time.
4
Mar 31 2023
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Led Zeppelin
Led Zeppelin
Ok let's be straight up, every album of Led Zeppelin's on this list is a 4 or 5. It's a shame they only lasted 12 years. Personally I'm not a self proclaimed fan of theirs, but their music is still amazing. Every member of the band is spectacularly skilled and it shows on this album. They grab your attention from the first note and never let go of it, even with 5+ minute long songs. However, this album to me is missing the sort of pizzazz I'm looking for in a 5 star. Very very close though. I'm pretty sure my 5 star ratings will go to II and IV, but stay tuned for any surprises.
4
Apr 03 2023
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Everybody Knows This Is Nowhere
Neil Young & Crazy Horse
I think I'm getting Stockholm syndrome at this point. Cinnamon Girl was really good?? Neil Young's voice didn't make me want to pull a double Van Gogh???? If I ever give a Neil Young album a 4 please admit me to a psych ward.
3
Apr 04 2023
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In A Silent Way
Miles Davis
Jazz is one of those genres where you don't really know what good or bad forms of it sound like, so you usually just give a generic rating of 2 or 3 stars and say "It was nice as background music". But this time I really took the time to listen, to analyze, to research. I studied this album more than I've ever studied for an exam in my life. I listened to other jazz fusion for reference. I sat for 38 minutes, closed my eyes and truly absorbed the music. After all this effort, all of the valuable time spent, I have come to one conclusion.
It was nice as background music.
2
Apr 05 2023
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The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders from Mars
David Bowie
BOWIE IS THE MOST OVERRATED ARTIST EVER!!! Now that I have your attention, let me explain. People suck on his nuts because he’s that perfect amount of weird where they aren’t freaked out by him but he’s not normal enough to be considered too basic. At the time his music was revolutionary, but now? It gets lost in the shuffle to me. He wrote a pretty good rock opera album here and rested on his laurels after that in my opinion. He became just another pop-star. And for all the Green Day haters in this group, I’d like to say that when Green Day wrote a rock opera, they actually got it produced. Bowie couldn’t do that even though he wanted to. Green Day literally got American Idiot on Broadway. There are levels here people. This album is definitely Bowie’s best, and it’s very well done. He has real artistry in here. But this ain’t a 5. I’ll never understand why everyone was so obsessed with space back when this was made. It was all aliens and asteroids and that hoopla. So I will end by saying this album is great, but not one of the best things I’ve ever heard like everyone tries to say.
4
Apr 06 2023
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Back To Black
Amy Winehouse
The first time I heard Amy Winehouse was when I was playing Rock Band 3 on the Wii. I was the drummer of course, my sister was on the guitar, my cousin was on the keyboard, and my aunt was singing. All of a sudden as my aunt was scrolling through the list of songs to choose, she found Rehab, one of her absolute favorites. Inevitably, she butchered it (she was a few drinks in - it was vacation) and I did not revisit Amy Winehouse for over half a decade. It was many years later when I heard Valerie, off of Mark Ronson's 2007 album. No clue how I found it, but I did. I was instantly transported and needed to learn more about this siren of a singer - Amy Winehouse. The first thing I found was this album, and from that point on I was hooked. You truly feel every word of every song. There's heartbreak, pain and sorrow altogether in a way that never lets go of your attention. She was a magnificent singer and this album truly was her swansong.
Every time I listen to this album it never fails to amaze me. She's one of the few singers in history who can sing any genre they choose and succeed. She just happened to take influences from jazz and reggae, and nobody can complain there. Closest thing I've heard to her in terms of matching her vocal prowess and versatility was actually this one girl on American Idol a few years back. Her name was Casey Bishop and she took more of a punk rocker spin but she 100% matched the ability to make you feel every word of a song. She's a dud now unfortunately (like most singers from that show) but I recommend you check out some of the YouTube videos of her performances on the show.
5
Apr 07 2023
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Hounds Of Love
Kate Bush
This album was like that drunken night out. You know the one I’m talking about. It starts off so strong, you’re pregaming with all the girlies and getting sloshed off tequila shots and seltzers. You head out to the club and dance to some fantastic EDM hits for a bit. A creepy guy finds his way over to you and tries to dance with you for a while (represented in the album by Mother Stands for Comfort). The night starts to get back on track, your friends are all starting to find cute men that seem cute through the flashing lights and blurred vision. You yourself find a cute boy who asks to dance. You’re moving your hips in all the ways you should but the alcohol is really starting to kick in now. Everything’s alright though, the night goes on, it’s just not quite at the same level as the start of the night. Slowly your friends start to disappear into Ubers with their newfound men. You can choose to either go home alone, again, or make the same questionable choices that they are - go home with a stranger. You decide to say fuck it, let’s have a night to remember. This could be the Jig of [your] Life. You get back to his apartment. It gets hot and steamy, he throws you down on the bed. Oh my, it’s happening! And just as it’s all about to go down… oh, oh no. Whiskey dick. *sigh* You grab your shoes and slink home in The Morning Fog just as your mystery man passes out facedown on the bed. Another night of hope ending in disappointment.
3
Apr 10 2023
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Dookie
Green Day
Can I give two Green Day albums a 5 in good conscience? Because American Idiot is one of my all time favorite albums ever. Yes, yes I can. Green Day was my favorite band as a child and it’s a wonder why my parents were surprised I had anger issues. I was quite literally headbanging to Basket Case before I understood the concepts of addition and subtraction. I think one thing that I respect listening through this in full again is that with all this rage, there’s only one explicit song on the album, which is actually so impressive. Also Bastille did a very good cover of Basket Case with a more orchestral sound if anyone’s interested in that.
5
Apr 11 2023
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Hot Fuss
The Killers
I will now recount a real conversation between myself and my father. For context, we were at a tailgate, he was 5 or 6 beers deep, and was actively scrolling through his iPod Shuffle:
Dad: "Where's my good playlist? I thought it was Bill's Volume 9 but I can't find it. Maybe it's Bill's Volume 12"
Me: "You should probably rename your playlists. How do you know it's the good playlist anyways?"
Dad: "It has Mr. Brightside on it."
In case you were wondering, the date of this conversation was September 2022.
4
Apr 12 2023
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The Seldom Seen Kid
Elbow
Did you know Dave Matthews Band has a British spinoff? Apparently the Brits call them Elbow. Different names but equally lackluster.
2
Apr 13 2023
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Sail Away
Randy Newman
This album did not have a friend in me. In fact it barely made my acquaintance. My relationship with this album can be best described as one of those half nods you give to other dudes on the street when you awkwardly make eye contact. Uncomfortable, but not the most uncomfortable thing in the world.
2
Apr 14 2023
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Time (The Revelator)
Gillian Welch
I feel like this was something that suburban white moms would have listened to. Completely forgettable. I can't remember if I even finished it because the songs all sounded the same to me. I saw a cool bird while I was outside listening to this though.
2
Apr 17 2023
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Rock 'N Soul
Solomon Burke
It’s so unfortunate here that Solomon Burke couldn’t have a stronger backing here because his voice is like Mama’s homemade Pecan Pie on a cold November evening. This is the kind of soul singing that warms your heart and makes your toes tingle. But then you get the backing vocals that sound like my mother yelling at me to take out the trash, backing music that can be found at any local coffee shop, and song composition that could have been done by my tone-deaf friend. And of course, you’ll always struggle when you front load an album with the best songs.
3
Apr 18 2023
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Oracular Spectacular
MGMT
These songs are crucial for when I need to powerwalk past tourists on my evening stroll. They are the sole reason I felt the urge to body a man taking pictures of a squirrel.
3
Apr 19 2023
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Fromohio
fIREHOSE
By far the most forgettable album on this list. How do you rate nothingness? Easy - give it a 2. At least it didn’t invoke a violent reaction in my eardrums like when a body rejects the organ transplant. Or when Ian Dury gets played over the speakers.
2
Apr 20 2023
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New York Dolls
New York Dolls
If this is “Your favorite band’s favorite band’s favorite band”, then can it really be considered one of the greatest ever? Like how doctors have learned to not bleed people to get the sickness out, hair metal has evolved.
2
Apr 24 2023
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Murmur
R.E.M.
I was listening to this while cleaning my apartment and folding laundry. Nothing stuck out, but then one song came on that really struck my fancy. I threw the laundry down to check what the title was, all giddy and excited to have found a gem. And then I pick up the phone only to find that this album had ended without me realizing and The Cure’s Jumping Someone Else’s Train came on as one of Spotify’s recommended songs.
2
Apr 25 2023
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Darklands
The Jesus And Mary Chain
This is what I expected all British music sounds like. Bland and uninspiring, much like their brekkies. I mean come on guys - beans, mushrooms and whole tomatoes?? Those have absolutely no business being eaten in combination with each other, let alone at 8am.
2
Apr 26 2023
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Will The Circle Be Unbroken
Nitty Gritty Dirt Band
Currently on Zillow and getting engaged to the girl I met at work who plays the banjo. We’re looking for 20 acre ranches in Oklahoma. In need of a Realtor asap.
3
Apr 28 2023
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Rumours
Fleetwood Mac
If you sold this to me as a Greatest Hits album, I’d buy it. But to describe this as possibly the greatest album of all time is blasphemous. The infighting and hatred amongst band members is palpable and the album has no cohesion because of that. Songs were written separately and were quickly recorded together right before they all stabbed each other. Are the songs great? Of course, I’m not an idiot. But in terms of putting together an album that follows a theme and a style and invokes any specific message, this is a fringe 4 that deserves a 3 simply due to being overhyped. Lindsay and Stevie are amazing artists and would have succeeded in any band. Instead they made their own lives hell for the sake of global fame. Also I’ve never heard a man call this his favorite album ever, but I know dozens of women who will say this is their favorite. Is that a coincidence or is there something to that statement? The world may never know.
3
May 01 2023
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The Stranger
Billy Joel
I personally coined a term for this album years ago that I believe still holds true. I call this Grilling Music. Why Grilling Music? Picture yourself as a 46 year old father of two standing outside on a summer day, hosting a barbecue in your suburban oasis. Your kids and their friends are swimming in the pool playing Marco Polo. The cousins are all catching up with each other. Your friends from the neighborhood are gossiping about the latest news in town. “Did you hear that Martha and Jeff got a divorce?? I hear he met a younger woman and just moved out one day.” You’re manning the grill and diligently flipping those burgers, making sure they’re a perfect medium inside, except for one that you’re leaving on for 12 minutes until it’s a perfect hockey puck. Grandpa Joe refuses to eat it any other way. Maybe crazy uncle Dave comes up to you to chat your ear off about his gout and how his dogs keep running away from him in the park. I wonder why. And even through all of this commotion there’s one overarching sound in the background. The Stranger. The last person to invite to the cookout that ties it all together. And while you grill, you know that in the midst of all the craziness and mundanity that is this day, your good buddy The Stranger will keep you company throughout the afternoon.
4
May 02 2023
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Heartattack And Vine
Tom Waits
This is what my girlfriend will sound like in 20 years once the drunk cigs finally catch up to her.
3
May 03 2023
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Pornography
The Cure
This is from The Cure’s depression era. That’s their worst era.
2
May 05 2023
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Happy Sad
Tim Buckley
The music was a bit disjointed and run-on for most of the album but as a cohesive unit it wasn't a bad listen. His vocals impressed me so that really saved the album - plus he's dreamy so he gets a bump for pretty privilege.
3
May 08 2023
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The Stooges
The Stooges
The 10 minute Gregorian chant they threw in there really ruined it for me.
2
May 09 2023
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Be
Common
Wow. As an African-American youth residing in the inner city of Chicago, this album has inspired me to do great things. Wait a second, I’m not an African-American youth residing in the inner city of Chicago!
2
May 10 2023
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At Fillmore East
The Allman Brothers Band
As far as live albums go, this one sucks. 90% of the album is filler music and none of this accurately represents their songs. Color me disappointed.
2
May 12 2023
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The Modern Lovers
The Modern Lovers
While I am in love with Massachusetts and often drive past the Stop 'n' Shop with my radio on, that doesn't mean I connect with these songs in any way.
2
May 22 2023
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My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy
Kanye West
I hate Kanye. He’s an awful, awful person. I cannot say enough bad things about who he is. Not to mention, my freshman roommate was obsessed with Kanye. And I hated that kid too. One time he held a Kanye album drop party in our room at midnight without telling me, then him and a few others got so blacked out that one passed out on the toilet mid shit and the others were puking their guts out in every trash bag we had. And guess what - the album didn’t even drop that night!!! But goddamnit, so many of these songs just hit. That is the only way I can describe it. Every single song makes me believe that I can one day like rap. Ironically the only thing that could make this a 5 is if Kanye wasn’t rapping.
4
May 26 2023
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When I Was Born For The 7th Time
Cornershop
Shoutout British Imperialism! After centuries of ruling and exploiting what is now India, the only addition it made to modern society was this hybrid Indian-Britpop album. And it sucks!
2
Jun 01 2023
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Peggy Suicide
Julian Cope
“By 1984, Cope's love of hallucinogens -- as well as a toy car collection that occupied nearly an entire year of his life -- was at an all-time high.” I rest my case, your honor.
2
Jun 02 2023
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Chemtrails Over The Country Club
Lana Del Rey
This is the music that 15 year old suburban white girls slit their wrists to while they cry in the bathtub.
2
Jun 05 2023
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The Village Green Preservation Society
The Kinks
I prefer the poppy Kinks. It’s great that they wanted to create a concept album, but I don’t like concept albums and based on the critical reception this album received, neither does anyone else.
2
Jun 07 2023
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No Other
Gene Clark
Just some good ole fashioned, boring-ass country.
2
Jun 09 2023
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Talking Heads 77
Talking Heads
I have a good buddy named Max who confuses the hell out of me sometimes. Some days I'll read a text he sent me and think to myself, "What in the name of Jesus Christ was going on in his head when he sent this?" It's never anything bad, just strange commentary. Up until this day I lived in eternal confusion. But now, I've finally figured it out - his brain is operated by a record player that only plays Talking Heads 77. Let me explain. It always starts with a very basic statement of what happened that day, is repeated to the point where you sense there's added significance to this basic statement, and then becomes oddly introspective and profound. Take the song The Book I Read, for example. "I'm writing 'bout the book I read; I have to sing about the book I read; I'm embarrassed to admit it hit the soft spot in my heart; When I found out you wrote the book I read." Now imagine that said to you unironically, without any musical backing. Max, you are an enigma, but that's what I love most about you. Keep being you.
4
Jun 13 2023
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Beauty And The Beat
The Go-Go's
I’ll tone back my male chauvinism for today and rate purely on styling. These women can rock - slower but still full of energy, the voices surprisingly didn’t grate on my nerves by the end, and there’s probably 4 songs that reach 4-5 star quality on their own. Wouldn’t splurge for a 5 here but there was a lot more to this album than just the hits.
4
Jun 23 2023
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Devil Without A Cause
Kid Rock
He truly is giving a voice to all of those horribly offensive rednecks on Facebook who dream of consolidating power amongst the whites. Don’t believe me?
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=kyFnLqJx-uU
2
Jun 26 2023
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Brothers In Arms
Dire Straits
For a band called Dire Straits they sure say the word “Faggot” a lot.
4
Jun 30 2023
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The Piper At The Gates Of Dawn
Pink Floyd
I’m convinced you need to have smoked weed at least once to enjoy psych rock.
2
Jul 06 2023
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Armed Forces
Elvis Costello & The Attractions
Pretty sure they remastered this album only to get rid of the slur in the most popular song. Also lost my respect because they missed the opportunity to rhyme “class” with “ass” in Chemistry Class (Rhymed “class” with “mind” instead. Weak.). But I still kinda liked it.
3
Jul 10 2023
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My Aim Is True
Elvis Costello
Conspiracy theory: There can only be one Elvis in the world. July 22, 1977 - Elvis Costello releases his first album, receiving instant critical acclaim.
August 16, 1977 - Elvis Presley, the King of Rock and Roll, dies in the fetal position on the bathroom floor.
There are many possibilities here. Did Costello poison Presley? Did Presley pill pop for years because he knew his successor would come? Maybe Presley sold his soul to the devil in exchange for a set number of years of success. Or maybe the carbon monoxide detectors in my apartment are beeping for a reason. The world may never know.
4
Jul 28 2023
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Autobahn
Kraftwerk
Quite literally the worst thing to listen to while in the office. For the entire 42 minutes I was terrified one of the PMs sitting next to me could hear “Wir fahr'n, fahr'n, fahr'n, auf der Autobahn” on repeat through my headset. Still not convinced they couldn’t. None of them have looked at me the same since that day.
1
Aug 04 2023
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Moon Safari
Air
At first I thought this was nothing more than upscale elevator music, something they would play at the Ritz Carlton. Maybe the music they play when you’re on hold with American Express while they search up fraudulent charge claims on your platinum card. But then it evolved into something special. Maybe it just fit my mood for the day perfectly, but I felt a wave of calmness wash over me while listening. The type of calm where you’re floating in the clouds on a plane, looking down at all the tiny people and buildings below you. One where you realize how insignificant you are, but feel bigger than everything in that same instance. You close your eyes and feel content with your life, thankful for everything you’ve been through and all that you’ve accomplished.
4
Aug 11 2023
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Nebraska
Bruce Springsteen
The classic SNL skit “Gotta Have More Cowbell” was actually inspired by this album, but instead of the cowbell, it’s the harmonica.
2
Aug 23 2023
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Very
Pet Shop Boys
This is the type of music that plays when you’re having a sleep paralysis dream and you’re demon is the Little Lad doing his Little Lad dance at varying speeds to these songs while he says nothing. He only stares at you with those cold black eyes and that haunting smile. But it’s a good nightmare because it makes you laugh hesitantly when you wake up and wonder if it was a bad idea to eat 4 twinkies before bed.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=OyvhMHDi6Mo
3
Dec 07 2023
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Isn't Anything
My Bloody Valentine
*turns music up because I can't hear the lyrics*
*turns music down because the guitar is way too loud*
*repeats for 38 minutes*
2
Dec 29 2023
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Dear Science
TV On The Radio
This felt like one of those 1 hour karaoke bar private sessions where you and your friends get together and sing as many songs as you can and you’re laughing the whole time. Sometimes you guys absolutely smash a song, then the next one is a little suspect. Overall a great night out with the boys.
3
Jan 19 2024
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Tragic Songs of Life
The Louvin Brothers
Wow this album had everything!
Beating a woman to death: ✔️
Praising our Lord Jesus: ✔️
References to a love for multiple southern states: ✔️
According to Fox News, that’s Bingo!
2