188
Albums Rated
2.3
Average Rating
17%
Complete
901 albums remaining
Rating Distribution
Rating Timeline
Taste Profile
1950s
Favorite Decade
Soul
Favorite Genre
US
Top Origin
Critic
Rater Style ?
15
5-Star Albums
52
1-Star Albums
Breakdown
By Genre
By Decade
By Origin
Albums
You Love More Than Most
| Album | You | Global | Diff |
|---|---|---|---|
|
Let It Be
The Replacements
|
5 | 3.25 | +1.75 |
|
Live At The Star Club, Hamburg
Jerry Lee Lewis
|
5 | 3.28 | +1.72 |
|
In The Wee Small Hours
Frank Sinatra
|
5 | 3.28 | +1.72 |
|
B-52's
The B-52's
|
5 | 3.29 | +1.71 |
|
Doggystyle
Snoop Dogg
|
5 | 3.38 | +1.62 |
|
The Wildest!
Louis Prima
|
5 | 3.54 | +1.46 |
|
The Stone Roses
The Stone Roses
|
5 | 3.64 | +1.36 |
|
Talking Book
Stevie Wonder
|
5 | 3.72 | +1.28 |
|
(What's The Story) Morning Glory
Oasis
|
5 | 3.84 | +1.16 |
|
Pet Sounds
The Beach Boys
|
5 | 3.93 | +1.07 |
You Love Less Than Most
| Album | You | Global | Diff |
|---|---|---|---|
|
Elephant
The White Stripes
|
1 | 3.86 | -2.86 |
|
Whatever People Say I Am, That's What I'm Not
Arctic Monkeys
|
1 | 3.73 | -2.73 |
|
The Cars
The Cars
|
1 | 3.67 | -2.67 |
|
Brothers
The Black Keys
|
1 | 3.58 | -2.58 |
|
Franz Ferdinand
Franz Ferdinand
|
1 | 3.57 | -2.57 |
|
It's Blitz!
Yeah Yeah Yeahs
|
1 | 3.49 | -2.49 |
|
War
U2
|
1 | 3.48 | -2.48 |
|
The ArchAndroid
Janelle Monáe
|
1 | 3.45 | -2.45 |
|
Live!
Fela Kuti
|
1 | 3.44 | -2.44 |
|
Iron Maiden
Iron Maiden
|
1 | 3.41 | -2.41 |
Artists
Favorites
| Artist | Albums | Average |
|---|---|---|
| Beatles | 2 | 5 |
Least Favorites
| Artist | Albums | Average |
|---|---|---|
| Robert Wyatt | 2 | 1 |
| Yeah Yeah Yeahs | 2 | 1 |
| Massive Attack | 2 | 1.5 |
| U2 | 2 | 1.5 |
| The Fall | 2 | 1.5 |
Controversial
| Artist | Ratings |
|---|---|
| The Smiths | 4, 1 |
5-Star Albums (15)
View Album Wall
Popular Reviews
Snoop Dogg
5/5
its stupid, lazy, its morally repugnant and ive listened to it more times than all of the grains of sand in all of the beaches from all of the oceans in the universe combined because its the shit
32 likes
Fela Kuti
1/5
be honest, do you really like fela kuti or are you just pretending to so that people think you are cool
11 likes
Coldplay
2/5
i dont understand how anyone can be moved by this uninspired and tedius musical exhalation
5 likes
1-Star Albums (52)
All Ratings
Violent Femmes
2/5
i listened to the album with blister in the sun on it to cheer me up from another terrible record but it turns out its totally fucking rubbish
Aretha Franklin
4/5
saturday the 13th
it was on this day i found out im not jewish or italian. it was also on this fateful day i got my ass surgically removed and handed to me on a silver platter (much like the head of st john the baptist). because on this great and terrible day laura absolutely eviscerated me at smash. and this was the day i listened to 'lady soul'.
'chain of fools' - my god. only my maker witnessed the glory that was me singing this in the shower with a depth of feeling that has surely never been seen. 'natural woman' is so unbelievably gorgeous and transcendant. carol king is a great songwriter but there is such a genius in the quality of execution in all of her songs that only franklin could pull off.
im walking out towards door - i've had the loveliest day, but there is a sting in my heart. mio dio. oy vey. how can one look oneself in the mirror after this day. i got dealt the beatdown, and the smackdown. lauras picking me up at 3:30, she took me to school. i got beat by the fucking dog pokemon. i got beat with my mains. i got beat with my secondaries. a high point in my fighting skill was with fucking nolimar. after all my trashtalk i got beat, and i got beat bad. order has been restored to the force.
the perfect karmic ending to this evil villain story. im opening the door to easter road, and my finger gets caught on the door. i scrape through the brick wall but the whole door lands on my middle finger nail. it was really sore. really really really sore. im walking for ten minutes squeezing and sooking it with all my might and even the junkies are looking funny at me.
i get home and take a proper look at this 23 and me result. mum was right. im unbearably white, but that's okay. but there is one thing she did fail to mention on the phone.
0.3% finnish baby.
IM A FINN
MENNÄÄN!
KIPPIS!
FINLANDIAAAAA!
🇫🇮
Tom Waits
2/5
tom waits invents a unique soundscape and becomes himself in this album - however his magnetising persona does not save this album from its basic lacking in tunes
nor does the amusing ditty about obliterating a chihuahua
'shore leave' does sound like banjo-kazooie music though
Ravi Shankar
2/5
waaaaoooooooommmmm
drdrdrdrrriiinngggggggg prrrnnnngggg prrrrnnnngg drrrnnng bnng bnnng dnnng dnng dnnng
waaaooooooommmmm
Echo And The Bunnymen
2/5
on the cover you can see the band trapped in the special circle of dante's hell reserved for eighties cult bands. they are condemned to sail round in circles eternally fishing for melodies. they will catch none. only dead bunnies
well, okay, the killing moon is good. but the rests of this album is joyless in execution with no melodies and annoying pretentious lyrics
nocturnal me i find very creepy lyrically
echo and the boo-nymen
Louis Prima
5/5
CLASSIFIED DOCUMENT
-
march 27, 1923 - dispatch from the the office of occult studies.
robert p. lovecraft
dear diary,
today i seek the origin of this strange being which calls itself 'louis prima'.
with great fear and trepidation i dust off my necronomicon and point my phonograph directly into the book. a foul incantation plays on "oh marie" from about 0:49-1:00. the room goes black. there is the scent of garlic in the air. the book lights up and opens at the page entitled:
" i - t a l i a n s ".
this entity, could it be the dreaded "i -talian"? being of good anglo-saxon stock i do well to keep my wits about me - but what is this curiosity that leads me to listen on? what is this feeling (dare i say, exaltation?) in listening to "gigolo" and "basin st. blues"? why do i suddenly want to eat lasagne and hang around with my cousins?
AAAyyyyyyy OOOhhhhhh
what? did i just say that, or just think it? what. is. happening. to me?? AAAHHHHH
fuggedabout it aaaayyy?
getoutaa heeaaaaaaa HO
AAOOOOHhhhh
maRoneeeEee11&£!!!&@"&&&£<<~%••...,,.# etc.
(the rest of the page is illegible as it is covered in pasta sauce)
-
CLASSIFIED DOCUMENT
Blur
2/5
they have the cheek to create song 2 as a condescending parody of grunge, but its the only good thing on this album
nme thinks this is the 137th greatest album of all time
i think nme stinks
i think this album stinks too
The Undertones
2/5
they share my deepest core principles - girls, teenage dreams, and dumb entertainment
unfortunately no grooves get
under my skin, and their
tones do nothing but
bore
me
OutKast
3/5
i thought stankonia was long - g o d d a m n - the love below is even longer, and thats just half the record. difference is stankonia is good from start to finish
i think that there is such a creative superabundance and natural flow to their art that they were just more concerned with having a good time in the making of this record than seeing it as a serious testament to their artistic legacy. in other words, i dont think they really cared if the actual record was good or not, which here is the gift and the curse. its organic and brilliant and none of it moves me
take away the obvious three classics from this record and i actually think Speakerboxxxx is the superior side. cut 70% of this album and it would be better
The Jam
2/5
i always forget david watts is a kinks song (like many good songs, they sneak about in plain view), that leaves the last cut as the only place they soar
the jam is one of those groups who were glorious but sadly only in their singles
Kraftwerk
3/5
- scene -
papa is in the corner in his easy chair with a large glass of scotch and the trauma and guilt of the war not long behind him heavy on his shoulders and unbearable to live with
young klaus is wearing a red suit and tie beeping and booping on his synthesizer
papa cries
klaus (expressionlessly) - "BEEP BEEP BOOP BEEP"
papa remembers the screams from the little children and their faces. he takes the pill from secret drawer. it will all be over now. his head crashes onto the desk.
klaus (doing the robot) - "BOOP BOOP BOOP BEEP"
the camera pans out
The Darkness
2/5
they probably included this on the list over a big star album or something
what
a load of shite
Joni Mitchell
2/5
reenactment of bob dylan falling asleep in studio while being shown this album by joni:
"zzzzzZzz one sheeEeep zzzZzz two sheep zzzZzzz tangled up in blue sheep zzzzzz"
"GEE, dylan man! not cool man! wake up! this is my masterpeice mannnn!"
"ZZZzzzwhawha woah alright chill joni! hey its your fault anyway jons, you shouldnt have given me all that warm choccy milkzzZZzzzz"
*snores * general bob dylan noises
"aw jeez. bob you're just trying to act all cool infront of david geffen man! this is one of the greatest albums of all time man! aw shucks. aw gee."
joni mitchell removes herself from the situation to get some air - but on her way slips on some spillage from the warm choccy milk she made earlier
"HEEEeeelp meee, I think i'm fallinnnn!!!"
splat
- joni is a metaphor for the critical and public consensus opinion on this album and bob is a metaphor for mine -
Bruce Springsteen
4/5
dancing in the dark is the manifesto of my spirit - although too often i forget it (no surrender too)
this is a good record folks, what do you want from me? lacking in insightful reviewing abilities i consulted my ma who is known to be a fan of this record, and she said:
"just brucey baby"
the question is, why didnt i think of this myself?
ZZ Top
3/5
this is a cute record. just the boys having a good time and claiming nothing else. that's why they are such goofy motherfuckers.
and legs kinda rocks actually
5/5
aw
so much feeling, such an unpretentious attack at life. rejecting all self pity our little guffy manc protagonist noel realises we have one life, and for council listens to the only real source of truth available, the heart - and it says to him:
lets be fucking aving ya x
from sibelius to chuck berry music is fundamentally no more than the relationship between different chords. the effect they have on us is inexplicable and seemingly arbitrary. i do not know what well noel was drawing from when he wrote dont look back in anger, but i do not think it is a coincidence that it speaks to the heart in the way in which it was conceived, which is living by pure feeling and damning the rest.
when i listen to roll with it for me in that moment it is the greatest thing ever cut on record. songs like 'hey jude' have a quality that makes whole stadiums sing - and that quality pervades about 70% of this record. it has been vindicated from critical snobbery by public opinion and will continue to do so for decades.
when will we ever see a rock n roll group so indisputably great again? when will the mainstream press again acknowledge such a phenomena as knebworth 96? i do not know
(for records i really quite like i am introducing a new system - i decree this record worthy of a badger emoji)
🦡
Robert Wyatt
1/5
i felt bad about giving this one star, i wanted to save that for the truly egregious, and this record has a story of artistic integrity associated with it. however there is not one good moment in this album - even ivor cutlor couldnt save the day.
this record reminded me that actually im quite a happy person. im fucking
r a d i a n t cheer. im 400x more happy listening to loveless in the pissing rain than listening to this tedious jibberish
anyway this record sucks and blows
Jerry Lee Lewis
5/5
thank you lord for putting wyatt between this and 'whats the story...'. if i came off that high to this who knows perhaps i wouldnt appreciate it as i should. to get the dullness dutifully ticked off to move on to 'high school confidential' was SATISFYING. no filler, just 22 minutes of racuous stomping glory.
let it be known that everyone on the 4 bus yesterday knew i was enjoying this record
Bebel Gilberto
2/5
i went to extraordinary lengths to pirate, upload and listen to this mediocre record, terrible
all over it sounds nice, pretty, and all over nothing really happens. this can be made to happen in a glorious way, which it almost does, but does not.
they should have put 'mundo civilizado' by arto lindsay on the list instead
George Michael
2/5
i really like george michael, i think he is kind and sweet. deliberately championing goodness as a virtue should be a truism for normal people but its not
faith is the only tune though
George Harrison
2/5
i have always hated this record
oh despite the title its fucking endless
Nick Drake
2/5
this album is beloved but unfortunately i think is simply a quite boring and rather emotionally resigned
bryter layter more like shyter payter amirite
(im saying this record is shite patter)
bryter? layter? honey i never even met her
bryter layter alligator, in a while crocodile
etc
The Stooges
2/5
bleak and repetitive even when they are winning on the first two tracks
running my fat ass around princes st the other day i thought 'we will fall' was rather boring and felt bad skipping it. now thats just not cricket is it my darlings when the whole point of this is to listen (of course i went back and listened later). then i realised its 10 minutes long. terrible. i reckon they didnt have enough material to cut the record or something. this cult record is not for me.
The Black Keys
1/5
new rock and roll terrible
track three has whistling terrible what is this noah and the whale
horrible
frankly
also "killed a guy in the first degree"? you nerds dont think about killing people? horrible. ah i see now from the lyrics to 'im not the one' you guys are actually solid w o w x
ai uses arctic monkeys production to make the most boring cliched soulless drag ever
this record made me feel hungry and tired (but then this happens a lot)
Public Enemy
3/5
sun 23 april 2023
"BASS FOR YA FACE LONDON...
...I WANT EVERYBODY IN THE HOUSE TO SAY OOOOOHOOOH!"
*im jogging the mx11 to london goes mega startling HOOOOOOONK*
AAAAH my weak heart v surreal waowee
---
this album is groundbreaking concious and unique. the musical apotheosis of this style is obvious rebel without a pause. unfortunately the rest usual fails to arrest me in the same way.
---
ps. right now, at this very exact second, somewhere, laura rintoul is furiously practising smash
Stan Getz
2/5
i have heard desafinado many times it is inspired and superb
i remembered the rest of this record as being rather uninspired muzac, i was right
Tracy Chapman
2/5
this is a record i'd love to hate but the opening lends itself to a sentimental open-mic atmosphere a little bit and that i must admit gets to me
but 'why' is really dumb. that naivety persists throughout the album
the sound is like 10/15 years ahead of time though
The Human League
2/5
"the book of love has music in it,
in fact that's where music comes from,
some of it is just transcendental,
some of it is just really dumb"
my god the last two tracks. how sad they could permeate the rest of the album with anything to support these if not match them
also john darnielle did you lift 'california song' from 'seconds', i mean probably not
Jack White
3/5
HOO nostalgia
blunderbu$$¥
surprisingly good for what i remember. i remember this fondly but always find jack white and music like it to be comparible to eating food without seasoning or coffee without caffeine - it leaves something to be desired - you are still left hungry
new production will always be terrible, but jack a disciple of john bonham has learned some feeling for actual rythm and his version of "im shaking" is superb.
"spiked heels make a hole in a lifeboat" new ways to make amusing digs at the opposite gender will always tickle me
falls off at the end. not bad wee record
Queen
2/5
queens albums always suck
everythings good except the material
The Clash
3/5
the chord changes early in 'remote control' made me think i was finally going to get this record - but alas i did not - not the song or the album
on paper this is for me. its a punk classic. strummer is so incisive. but most of the tracks i find forgettable.
Tim Buckley
2/5
esto àlbum es muy sospechoso
me gusta sexismo ocasionalmente tambien (obviamente, francamente, etc.), pero esto es simplemente poco convincente
burrido
Joni Mitchell
2/5
i was talking to a friend about musical horoscopes. i really like sibelius. my friend really likes bruckner. i really like bob marley. they really like king crimson and yes (terrible).
this is a lot of peoples favourite album. it really just does nothing to me. funny old world.
Buena Vista Social Club
2/5
im trying to review this album i dont like and some cunt called sm-a205f keeps hijacking my spotify. so you have a samsung galaxy a20 eh? bastard. this has happened before - why do they always listen to the most ai manufactured sub-10,000 views garbage on the database? who with actual human sentience is listening to 'hype' by hermes demon? how can this scam possibly make money?
"Hey @drakelito,
Thanks for coming to the Community."
why the totalitarian capital c? only God gets the big g fuck sake
"It's possible that you've joined a Group Session"
have i FUCK accidentally joined a group session. and again the corporate onanism with the capitals. cheer up maxim it says you're not even a fucking spotify employee.
see if im listening the climax of the heiliger dankgesang, (when the heavens align, the lotus flowers bloom, the bough breaks, when jesus wept and the great void sighs in peace), and asian fucking boo by baby tenchi comes, on theres no fucking telling what ill do. ive put on 'go away' by strawberry switchblade to see if they have a sense of humour. oh my days. 'ain't staying' comes on. my god. am i having a spotify war?
i retort with 'fuck you' by lilly allen. is this actually real? okay this isnt funny now and changing my device password didnt help. laura probably did this with three lines of code for a laugh just to annoy me. it is now 12 o'clock and im fed up and tired. oh thats how you fix it. ah okay.
and peace
p e a c e
peace! and thousand sighs
and sweet soothing sounds,
and birdsong
(it was veljo tormis - la kanteletar: I. herkä neito)
---
anyway blah blah buena vista social club it was fine
N.W.A.
4/5
a classic - paved the way for a whole new type of rap music. also paved the way for misogyny, materialism and mindless violence. you cant have it all.
Massive Attack
2/5
perhaps with mad quality speakers and some mdma this would serve well in the background of a house party but its not giving me anything else
Todd Rundgren
2/5
booooorrriiinnnggg
what a opening track. what a perfect track. how on earth could he fill the rest of this interminable fucking record with such vacuous repetition
Eminem
3/5
"My Name Is" is written in the key of F major." - wikipedia
lol what is this the pastoral symphony
its hard not to have my memory of this record coloured by how iconic the intro skit leads into 'my name is'.
much of the tracks are poor and just serve as vehicles for eminems rapping skill. this is the very high end of 3 but i cant give it a 4. classic though.
Jefferson Airplane
2/5
somebody to love is iconic yet i never want to listen to it
white rabbit i find so annoying
the rest is dribble really
The Doors
3/5
"You are entering the vicinity of an area adjacent to a location. The kind of place where there might be a monster, or some kind of weird mirror. These are just examples; it could also be something much better. Prepare to enter: The Scary Door."
jim morrison died when he 27. in that time he accomplished this great album. he died from the excesses of the rock and roll lifestyle. when i die at 27 it will be due to pork pie related injuries. please play beethoven at my funeral.
for all its high peaks of greatness this album has far more dead spots than i remembered - hence the mean looking rating. however this is a proper album. 'soul kitchen' fucking rules. 'break on through' gives me that devo/jerry lee lewis/punk type foam at the mouth focused destruction kind of feeling that i so very much adore. not a bad wee disc.
The Kinks
2/5
---REDACTED---
look, i know you never ought to bite the hand that feeds you, and here we worship at the altar of our glorious leader
r o b e r t
d i m e r y (praise be to the dime)
who conceived this glorious list. however, does anyone actually care about this fucking album?
the kinks my god - they could have picked lola vs moneygoround which has lola and apeman etc on it. or their debut. sunny afternoon is a classic obviously but the rest, ah. is anyone really touched by davies' repeated and robotic scathing satires on such badies as the dandy and the session man?
now please do not let my heartfelt concern and love for the direction and stated purpose of this institution be confused for heretical or treasonous behav...
(the rest of the page is illegible as it is covered with blood and bits of brain)
---REDACTED---
Aimee Mann
1/5
elvis costello likes this which makes sense. give me marshall crenshaw instead. "i know theres a word" we get it you cant write songs
god this was pathetic
the ff7 synth on jacob marleys chain made me want to fuck my eyeholes with pinecones
Klaxons
1/5
my suspicion that this was the big choon followed by lots of annoying crap was a huge understatement
'atlantis to interzonal' literally includes the dj buttons from the keyboard, children, please. the fast bit sounds like im watching the inbetweeners and theres a chase scene or something eugh
golden skans as big choons go is actually really annoying. this propensity towards inclusion for all eras is so silly. ladies and gentlemen of the jury, its 2023 now, and i ask you all, who the fuck gives a fuck about the klaxons? fair enough if you were on that drug called being 14 when this song out but still - this is albums to listen to before you d i e - not albums to listen to before you skive history
even the album cover is awful, god im so fucking glad that era of aesthetic is over. the fact the have a song called four horsemen of 2012 is so perfectly cringe. in 2007 life was so frivolous we could make novelty about the world ending and the mayan calander our entire identity for just long enough to pass the dull moment. now the world is actually ending. anyway everyone knows the actual four horsemen of 2012 were dawkins dennet harris and hitchens amirite 😎 m'lady 🎩💁♂️
jesus its still not over. theres literally also a song called 'its not over yet' just to really rub it in
i hate hate hate hate this
if you are or anyone you know may be suspected as a klaxon i will find you and give you a chinese burn
Alice In Chains
3/5
MERRY DIRTMAS EVERYONE!!!
https://youtu.be/gRcj6CAhe7s
'them bones' is slam poetry about jerry cantrells hatred for dry bones from mario kart (that little dry bastard)
'rain when i die' grew on me, that riff is alright. 'rooster' is classic. leo showed me that when i was like 12. i felt too c o o l listening. these are songs that rock.
the rest doesnt really do it for me but has a real consistency in its grit and rhythmic punch. this is music to grind your teeth too. this is music to rock too. you never know, on facelift 'man in a box' did nothing for me then it hit me - how did i miss this fucking belter of a tune?
Bob Dylan
3/5
god shines through on track 1.
exaltation and relief!
this poor steak ends! or does it?
so mythologised is dylans
placing as a great artist, but
only on track 1 and 6 do i
truly feel the weight of
it. the huge excitement i might
feel in 1965 hearing the openers
you can only imagine
lyrics alone are never enough for
a good song, and the closer has
undeniable brilliance there, but
rab zimmerman, you can do better!
a fine record though!!1!1!
!
1
!
1
Janelle Monáe
1/5
would it surprise people to know im familiar with this already lol
what a boring self-indulgent meandering waste of time. there is a part in 'come alive' where im just being screamed at (2:12). i feel like hank hill putting on bobbys headphones.
tightrope is a tune and the rest is so sporadic and devoid of any focus - yet still the songs are still too long. the orchestra sounds synthesised and soulless and the references to classic music are so lazy and unmusical. do you really deserve introductions like 'suite 3'? is this a suite? and the lyrics are insufferably platitudinous. i expected this would get a 2 but upon closer inspection it cannot be.
Elvis Costello & The Attractions
3/5
this is an objectively great album, tuneful and well-crafted, i only want to listen to 'pump it up' repeatedly though
Bill Callahan
1/5
the tracks names are very mountain goats-esque
anyway this album sucks
sometimes i wish i we were an eagle so i could fly to your where you live and shit on your windshield
Little Richard
4/5
don't pick ivy and hogweed without sufficient hand protection robert, you where up all fucking night with the itching
and i am GASPING on an espresso. 8 days cold turkey and sober. i feel like such a ghost. i just want drugs.
anyway this album rocks
Nick Drake
2/5
i dont have much to say other than to echo my last nick drake review
The Smiths
4/5
what strikes me immediately about the queen is dead (apart from awe at the opening track) is the humanity and lack of pretention as compared with other smiths records. the honesty.
'cemetary gates' and 'there is a light...' are some of the most beautiful songs ever written. the former reminds me that can life always be pure and new and vital if only one disregards distraction, self pity, idleness and that constant impediment thought. or find the enlightenened few who have this implicit understanding as well and hang on to them.
so says some dizzy whore twenty hundred and 23
Serge Gainsbourg
1/5
skeptical of anything 'cool' or beloved by people who wear beanies in their late 20's i endeavoured to study the lyrics of this album. because musically is this fuck good enough to stand on its own. i expected to find a story that may perhaps vindicate this album a little bit from the charge of pretension. boy was i wrong.
so from what i can gather serge crashes his rolls royce into a 14 year old girl with whom he instantly falls in love with, and plans to take her virginity. and this is set to the chord progression of 'hey joe'.
"Histoire de Melody Nelson is considered by many critics and fans to be Gainsbourg's most influential and accomplished work, as well as one of the greatest French-language albums in popular music.[2]" - wikipedia
silly fucking french nonce. its a bloody good thing we stuffed them at waterloo, or this sort of thing would be happening everywhere.
The Stone Roses
5/5
(jane to her stepdad stevie)
"at what point is life, like, fun? at what time is life actually good?"
(s)
"the nineties."
-----
1989, mount sinai (peak district)
ian brown descends from heaven on gossamer wings with arms outstretched holding a small tablet
"oi aaaah mega mayte im foochin jesus man im better than jesus man im fooochin mad with it man... (and further inaudible manc gibberish)"
you say nothing, and graciously accept. he flies away happily still talking shite.
is this the dawn of the new age? "what wisdom hath god bestoweth upon humankind through this slate?" you think to yourself. "for if this truly be gods will, by me let it be done."
you hold the tablet in your hand and with the fresh eyes of a child stare deep into the jackson pollock scribbles
its time
peel back the label
brush your thumbs over the lemon wedges
the nineties may now begin
-----
the opener is so raw and powerful, grandiose with unique structure. waterfall is purified rarified distilled euphoria that springs from the temples and trickles down to kiss the backs of the ears. made of stone brings out that whole stadium belting out in unison quality that pervades 'whats the story?...'. there is the inexplicable sophistication and musicianship of the blissful shoot you down. bye bye bad man i can take it or leave it, the scarborough fair interlude is a bit silly, and the rest is perfect. what an album. im glad i could have listened to it today.
🦡
Big Star
4/5
thirteen is one of the most beautiful songs ever written. it perfectly captures the most pure, innocent, and true kind of love. in the street is perfect. its like these are great totems to remind one of how vital life can be.
side 2 falls off but even in banality this record shines with simple but effective tunes, rhythms, production and alex chiltons beautiful voice. watch the sunrise is gorgeous, resplendant.
i admit i am a card carrying member of the cult but despite the all the hagiographies and my personal bias it still just ever so slightly clinches a 4
Jorge Ben Jor
1/5
jorge ben jor?
more like borge bor bore
!!1!1!1!1!
Elvis Costello
2/5
this record still annoys me
i really liked the weird noise that came out his mouth in less than zero though
The Cars
1/5
offensively boring
Nitin Sawhney
1/5
the cover art is me when i go waaaaaah weeeeee
Linkin Park
2/5
i tried so hard but im still sad
looking for the record i never had
but theres no point its all just bad
its all your fault i hate you dad
for being born
and feeling torn
and feeling scorn
its like a thorn - inside - that hides - denied - like the tide - it just keeps coming in - but like in a really bad way
because im
SAAADDDDD
(steady guitar riff break)
YUEEUUUUUUGGHHHHHH
(very low pitched)
UUUUUUUGHHHHHH
RAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH
(very high pitched)
etc
Rush
1/5
omg i just realised the whole point of this is its the 1812 overture but its rush
hahaha omg that sucks
yeah quite lame
David Bowie
2/5
young americans might be the best song
just
ever
and fame is great
this album sucks lol
FKA twigs
1/5
ayyyy fka twigs? mwoa like FKA DIS! AYYY ugatz
Talking Heads
2/5
dont get me wrong - people really really like this album - its one of their biggest records. but after a string of mediocrities and nothings i must express sympathy for the normal not album obsessed person who has heard all about how wonderful the talking heads are and gets this. there are moments throughout that feel like if family guy had to do a talking heads cutaway they would play this, just tedious and boring
remain in light is the one we want
Supergrass
1/5
this is fucKING WANK
OutKast
4/5
intelligent witty and focused. mutiple classics. andre 3000 is a kind of genius.
Frank Sinatra
5/5
i listened to this album a lot in my adolescence moping around in a confused slump. lord knows how much i felt it (frank did alright). i was blue. it was subtle at first but i learned how real and raw a feeling could be channeled deep on a silly bit of plastic.
the only problem is, sometimes i listen to this record a lot now moping around in a confused slump - so how much of this feeling was pubescant solipsistic self pity - and how much of it was a genuine complete feeling of hopelessness and longing?
i have felt every bar of this record so deeply. between riddle and sinatra the arrangements are of unprecedented grace and sophistication. its the mixture of perfect execution with real character from a bygone age of musicians that will never come again. sinatra is unquestionably the greatest singer of the 20th century. i do not expect anyone else to love this record, but those who know they know.
i love the fiercely manic spark of hope in dancing on the ceiling. sometimes its not bad to indulge in the imagination.
🦡
Soul II Soul
1/5
mediocre dance record with a messiah complex
Manu Chao
1/5
este album es wank
Neu!
1/5
how bout neuoooo
Air
3/5
oui oui je fume des cigarettes et j'aime les petits garçons hon hOn hON
Muddy Waters
2/5
(imamaynnn)
YEEEEAAHAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
(aintthat a maynnnnn)
YEAHHHHHHHAAUUUHHHHH
(mnnnnn)
AAYEYYEHHHHHHAHHAH
(aaaaeee)
YAAAAAAAEEEHHHHHHHJJDIIDK
Thin Lizzy
3/5
didnt get this at all originally. turns out southbound is actually the key to immortal life
Snoop Dogg
5/5
its stupid, lazy, its morally repugnant and ive listened to it more times than all of the grains of sand in all of the beaches from all of the oceans in the universe combined because its the shit
Billy Bragg
2/5
i listened to this when i was polishing glasses and i was so sad
this was amplified by this albums exploration of thatcherite misery without any of the solace that meaningful music brings
im supposed be a socialist or something but if i have to hear that power in a union dirge again i swear
Bob Dylan
3/5
aaaaaayyyyy wats all dis it sez blonde on blonde and insteda uh lotsa naked chicks doin' all i got was some maroon singing all about his feelins or somtin aayyyyyy
Motörhead
2/5
oh my god ace of spades is such a fucking tune
The 13th Floor Elevators
2/5
the 13th floor elevators? more like the 13th bore perpetrators!
le epic 😎
Blur
2/5
nah, i really did try with this record, i really did. inspired by lauras fond tales of bopping around to and from school with it. for an oasis fan a truly great and terrible commitment! i just think its totally fucking wank. oh well.
TLC
3/5
Too Long needs Cuts
Hey Mojoholics! You all asked for it, and here it is! Sit back and strap in for WatchMojo's top 10 list of greatest TLC's of all time!
1. Indiana Jones: The Last Crusade
What a gorgeous gorgeous beautiful man. And Harrison Ford isn't too bad either! (Roll clip please)
https://youtu.be/s0vNsH81YeA
wow, he did na-zi that coming! next up...
2. TLC TV (that channel with 90 day fiancé and dr pimple popper)
And God said; thou shalt never have to eat a tuna sandwich alone again! Next up,
3. WWE: Tables Ladders and Chairs
(Roll the damn clip jerry, hurry up)
https://youtu.be/r8e_HCf18Hw
Oh, that's got to hurt!
3. the Taiwan School for the Deaf
4. This album, 3 out of five (barely!)
yes, you all guessed it, it's...
!!!Honourable Mentions Time!!!
5. the Toyota Land Cruiser
from wikipedia:
"Owing to its durability and reliability, the Land Cruiser, along with the smaller Toyota Hilux, has become popular among militant groups in war-torn regions.[115] U.S. counter-terror officials enquired of Toyota how the extremist group Islamic State had apparently acquired large numbers of Toyota Land Cruisers and Hiluxes. Mark Wallace, the CEO of the Counter Extremism Project said, "Regrettably, the Toyota Land Cruiser and Hilux have effectively become almost part of the ISIS brand."[116]"
Well if it's good enough for ISIS, it's good enough for me! And thousands of alcoholic American mothers driving around their groceries and stupid bratty children, completely destroying the environment
and last but not least...
6. Thin-layer chromatography
Because what would we do without you.
And zinc.
Yeah Yeah Yeahs
1/5
karen o's greatest work will always be the 'where the wild things are' soundtrack
Carole King
4/5
im lonely, im confused, im in a sweltering costa looking for jobs. im practising griffiths electrodynamics which i should have known from years ago and im stressing out about it which is all quite absurd. i have had album after album on this thing that mean nothing to me.
then "oooooh baby"
and my heart is singing and dancing. it sounds melodramatic but this is the first proper emotion i have felt in weeks. carole king is such a gentle spirit. her aura is so warm. i do not however like the title track. there is something pompous and just a little bit silly about it. i think "you've got a friend" is my favourite. its always refreshing in art to hear such simple and wholesome affirmations of love - it can be far to easy to try and be sophisticated. a simple message comes like an arrow much more directly from the heart.
Iron Maiden
1/5
wow. this album completly amazed me.
i thought with my prexisting prejudice against heavy metal that this album would be totally fucking worthless. i thought the chord changes would be entirely predictable and without feeling of any kind. i thought there would be big silly slow ballad sections with no melodies throughout.
im amazed, because i was absolutely spot on, this album is fucking detritus
Michael Jackson
5/5
it really is that simple folks. 8 flawless tracks, and the lady in my life for fun. this is one of the greatest albums there is.
Simon & Garfunkel
3/5
its a shame with such natural effortless perfection in 'mrs robinson' and 'a hazy shade of winter' that the rest of the record is so entirely boring
Marvin Gaye
4/5
what a superb record. "whats going on" is heavily overrated and subject to cult adoration. how is this record not superior? how exquisite is the title track? when was the last time a song came out new on the radio that was even near to this calibre of artistry? do we take it for granted because its the silly goofy sex music from tv?
there is a reliability to the quality of the rest of the songs. you know 'come get to this' is real soul because you can really sing it
Paul Simon
3/5
i still dont understand why this record is so beloved but "me and julio down by the schoolyard" makes me really really happy
Queen
2/5
okay, its got 'now im here on it', which i know from live at wembley, confirming further my idea that the only queen album worth having (at least on this list), is live at wembley
Prefab Sprout
2/5
lots of talk of theft. probably puts one croissant on at aldi and takes four
Joan Armatrading
3/5
i think joan is far more suited to the delicate, the high pitched, and more tender style of song found in 'somebody loves you' over the lower in pitch, and the more assertive found in the rest of the album, contrary perhaps (maybe insulting) to the feministic drive of the record
more importantly however joan has what i did not expect which is tunes
Patti Smith
2/5
i never liked horses, but patti smith fucking rocks and i would happily go back in a time machine and marry her
Radiohead
2/5
thom yorke reminds me of spongebob in the episode where he is just really really sad - inconsolably so - and even squidward has deep deep concern for him, except this happened to spongebob because he lost his job which is deeply moving and sympathetic and i feel like this happened to yorke just because he had to eat his pasty in the rain and they ran out of chicken bakes so hes eating a macaroni pie instead
King Crimson
2/5
54 years have now passed and this record is still totally fucking shite
replete with lofty fatuous gibberish lyrics, interminable meandering repetitious song structure, insulting childlike musical waste "improvisation", and (heaven fucking forfend), worst of all of these things, the flute, this record still tops the lists of many people who have far too much time on their hands to discuss such juvenile and perverted matters online and on print (how embarrassing! how uncouth! how unbecoming!)
however the question still arises - does the opening track save this record from a lousy miserable one out of five? well, perhaps; but if i wanted to extract anything valuable from this silly little album i would have simply picked up kanyes version instead
p.s.
my arm hurts and its all my fault
dont drink and cycle lol
Hüsker Dü
2/5
hüsker dü, bob mould, and sugar are superb. they were influential and pioneering. this is one of their least representative and least significant releases
U2
1/5
this album is so shit it physically stressed me out. there is more musicality in me banging my head off this desk repeatedly
Electric Light Orchestra
2/5
c'eeeEERMmon boris . get brexit dahn.
curry wif the misses. misses wif the curry. cu rry wif the brexit wif the mises and the pint. not raycist ,just dohnt laike uhm.
turn off that blohday u2 shayte. . whiney irish fooking wanker bono. go and put sum proper facking bri'ish music on liak t' phil collins ohr ee-ehl-oooh
.
luv carling
✅
ate' Jermany
❌😱🤯😳 ‼️⚠️⚠️🚫🚫
luv naigel farige
✅🍺👍
luv gregs
✅😵👺🥴😹🥵
luv
.
...
.
..
.
✨
e l o
✨
Frankie Goes To Hollywood
2/5
-------
frankie says
r e L a x
-------
well at least two of the songs are good
this album promised a lot - a grand prophetic vision, mystic annoations for each side of this double lp, songs of 10 minute disco kaleidoscopic gay euphoria etc. - but it was all just a bit of silly marketing, and the album is really no good. it did however help define the eighties. why is there a side of just bizzare cover after cover, one of which being born to run? old sausage fingers talking about coming was fun though
-------
sean i'd say the best one came from tupelo mississippi
i'll tell you now that grown men cry and irish girls are prettyyyyyy
-------
Fatboy Slim
3/5
DIRTY CAJUN RIIIIIICCCEEEE
and the m e g
--------
cover art pov: you are about to cross paths with
R o b e r t
The Stooges
2/5
boring boring boring boring
n n n n n na nu
n n n n n na nu
boring boring boring boring
la lu la lu la lu fu cking bo ring
(except penetration what a fucking chayooon)
Coldplay
2/5
i dont understand how anyone can be moved by this uninspired and tedius musical exhalation
Curtis Mayfield
2/5
-----REDACTED-----
with arms outstretched i pray to thee;
prostrate, penitent, beholden, surrendered,
most just and omniscient merciful god,
whence thine own will thy list was render'd,
we pledge thee daily our listening time,
praise be forever to the dime,
i know its just a silly magazine but i find it frankly a bit racially patronising that nme would place this as number 373 on their list of the 500 greatest albums of all time. its not critically recognised, its not historically or culturally significant, and its certainly not even anywhere close to curtis mayfields best album. the whole album is incoherent, although vaguely musically pleasant. i guessed that it probably wasnt even the best album to have come out that month - turns out it wasnt even the best album to have come out that day. (https://www.albumoftheyear.org/1975/releases/may-05.php)
why didnt they pick superfly?
-----REDACTED-----
The Fall
2/5
what on earth is mark e. smith talking about
whats going on. where am i.
YA YAAAAA,
industrial e s t a t e
The White Stripes
1/5
really quite shite
Bob Dylan
3/5
the opener sounds less like one is listening to a musical artist and more like one is witnessing in moving live colour a great historical firsthand; like napoleon or christ
or maybe thats just a bit silly
Marty Robbins
4/5
YEE
(and equally, by the same measure, let me make this quite abundantly clear)
HAW
Nirvana
5/5
i suppose this is one of the more early and formative records of my life
i remember ellie nisbet peering past the front row in first year maths to ask me if i'd listened yet
thanks ellie
Nina Simone
2/5
i always find nina simone's default grandiosity a bit self indulgent and boring. how wonderful it would be to have an album with tracks all as musically cerebral and artful as four women
The Doors
2/5
the doors more like the bores am i right
Lou Reed
1/5
how do you think it feeeels,
working all day at harveys?
up all night watching reels,
no butter is not, a, veg-etable, ro-bert
Jane's Addiction
1/5
i just sat though the finale of beethoven 9. we closed at the usher hall and i got to sneak in during the scherzo. tears where streaming down my face.
"All who can call at least one soul theirs, Join in our song of praise!
All creatures drink of joy at Nature's breast, All, whether good or evil!
Even the worm can feel contentment!"
and he says having never actually heard the majority of his own music,
"You millions, I embrace you.
This kiss is for all the world!"
he died before he completed another symphony. did he die for our sins?
anyway now i have to listen to ritual de habitual by janes addiction. this album fucking stinks.
*ring *ring *ring
"ayo its robert dimery, the slime, the prime, the dime, just checking in - do we seem to have a problem here?"
"janes addiction get to have two fucking albums? janes addiction fucking suck!!"
"been caught stealing was a 90's drivetime classic bob."
"you know james brown only got one!? the king of soul?"
"i would watch your tone if i were you..."
"blue is the colour by the beautiful south is a beautiful record from the 90's! and if you want alternative whats wrong with core by stone temple pilots?!"
"i own this list and i own you, worm. dont make me send in my goons.."
"YOU HAVENT HEARD THE LAST FROM ME!"
*beeeepppppppppppp*
John Lennon
2/5
https://youtu.be/k-39NexNiLc?si=BCMzRBO96OVFsoeP
john lennon was such a wanker
set the tone by opening with one of the most beautiful songs of all time then several tracks later make a song with george harrison involved asking paul
"how he can sleep at night". just the year before you were wondering into the studio with yoko off your faces on heroin while paul was simply trying to make an album. its a shame because that guitar groove is one of the better moments on this album.
this record is wearisome sententious and overrated
Bruce Springsteen
3/5
brucey baby
Pink Floyd
3/5
slightly nostalgic rubbish
Billy Joel
3/5
i kissed the tiny bartender
Arcade Fire
2/5
here lies,
l a u r a r i n t o u l
born: folsom prison live
died: elephant white stripes
slain in action, valiantly battling terrible albums
rest in peace
i lay down my wreath and say a prayer. what point now is there in carrying on? the goofy bit that i like the sound of my own voice isnt so funny to me now that no one is actually listening. now im just a sad little boy listening to frank black on the bus all alone! an album that i only know through laura! who will forget such classic album reviews as:
Elephant
The White Stripes
sososososso goddam boring
1
i could not have said it better myself! laura will be forever remembered as someone who used this platform for good - what it was actually made for; reviewing albums. i used it for recording manic episodes and finding revolutionary new ways to not have sex. shes in heaven now, making music that probably sounds like having ones head slammed into a concrete floor repeatedly, but in a cathartic and beautiful kind of way. god bless her and all who sail in her.
amen
Frank Black
2/5
the opening track starts with a driving and stirring riff but they dont stick with it and go into some crackity jones bullshit instead. the whole record is like this.
Red Hot Chili Peppers
2/5
im drunk
ive eaten a lot of oysters
well not really
but ive drank a bottle of prosecco and many spirit samples and a bit of ale
im on the train from ayr and this mince and onion pie has just revived me
i have travelled through time and space for 13.7 billion years to be here. i have had many faces and had many names. i can be found in the wind, in the trees, and in the earth below your feet. through gods will i am here before you now, and i have one simple message to bear:
please know that the chillies suck
particularly terrible highlights:
- otherside
- the "right on" on get on top
- get on top
- pat finnerty does a whole video on californication so i dont have to say anything about that
- i like dirt i like dirt
The Strokes
3/5
im so sad
this is a good album mostly or something
i still hate it
and i hate you
Yeah Yeah Yeahs
1/5
these fuckers get another album? really?
mmm eggy flower
not a red rose or a satin heart
i give you an egg
it is a moon wrapped in white paper
it promises egg
love is like an egg
etc
by carol anne duffy
M.I.A.
3/5
nostalgic. paper planes represents prying for acceptance to a state of unnatainable euphoric perfect youth
but we dont smoke cigarettes in joppa anymore, we guitar run spanish guitar run spanish
Neil Young
1/5
toniggggghts the niiiight
toniggggghts the niiggghtttt
making mojitooossss
being a slaaavveeeeeeee
flirting with colleguesssssss
my lower back hurtssssss
Fela Kuti
1/5
be honest, do you really like fela kuti or are you just pretending to so that people think you are cool
Ice Cube
2/5
was this album any good?
we will have to listen again properly and come back to tell you
my lower back is so fucked lololol
i love those pakoras from the 24 hour shop
i have a lot of love in my heart
for
oriana
stephen
jane
laura
louie
someone
and
someone
what are these notes from highland park 12?
------
oh and yes this album was absolutely terrible
waah waah im ice cube and im big whiney baby waaaaah etc for 15 identicals song and it was a good day
Korn
1/5
this album was really bad
i like it when he makes funny noises
"i cannot ever love another cunt"
:(((
thats not very nice
Ray Charles
4/5
people maybe dont know this about me
but i really really like ray charles
'you wont me go' aaaaaw fuck man :'
Butthole Surfers
1/5
eh
ill probably blow it with this girl, im actually really shy sometimes. and thats okay.
maybe everything may fail and you really just have no control over life. and thats okay too. eat the pizza its good for you.
im cleaning moth larvae and mould out of the fucking floor lol
this album kind of fucking stinks
2/5
the kinks can be so fucking predictable
Van Halen
3/5
imagine explaining to george orwell that when 1984 does eventually roll around in its essence this is what it will feel like
its stupid and fun and unpretentious and ends just when its beginning to overstay its welcome
Jimmy Smith
1/5
what the fuck is this garbage
Fugees
2/5
in art dont they say show and dont tell?
the fugees state forcefuly that they are intelligent, spiritually superior, with superior bars, and the while in doing so all so very humble
my god these lyrics are asenine. just try and read them. many of them are just stand alone references to bob marley quotes etc. in what can only be objectively described as virtue signalling, or superiority signalling
without lauryn hills warm round strong voice carrying it this record is nothing. lauryn hill self styles as a righteous lioness roaring spiritual truth alone lofty among the hypocrites, but she is also a hateful christian fundamentalist - a homophobic anti-abortion lunatic. i can forgive a lot of those things but its the hate i cant stand.
and why are all these 90s hip hop albums always 16 fucking songs long? where do they get the right? im d y i n g of boredom
Adam & The Ants
1/5
people want belonging. they want to paint their faces silly and join the ant club. i get it, but im here to tell ur silly little club is shit!1!1!1
all of the songs remind me of a better song
like ant music sounds like crash by the primitives but shit. all the parts are there bar the tunes or chord changes that feel
ant mysic is also ooh la la by the faces but not good
killer in the home is rumble by link wray
los rancheros sounds like something too idk
i never want to hear this album again
Santana
3/5
i have a soft spot for this stupid record
santana fucking suck lolololol
3/5
soldiers poem rips off ave maria i cant help falling in love with you and queen and is somehow worse than all of them
how come this album is largely objectively good but i hate it
god invincible is lame
Mike Ladd
1/5
im a spiritual lyrical miracle spiritual lyrical miracle individual im a lyrical spiritual miracle spiritual lyrical miracle individual
Guns N' Roses
2/5
r o b e r t s
p o s i t iv e
r e v i e w
c o r n e r!
lot of people have been saying thay iv been acting mean on these album doohicky reviews, but i just wanna set the record straight nd tel the folks that im a positive person! and i dont just mean hepatitis! therfore this will be only positive review! so no bad gravy. okay! good.
i lieik guns n roses because this album has three really good songs on it
i liked the album about spaghetti because the cover has a picture of spghwtti noodles on it i dont like any of the songs but thays okay i do love me some spaghetti!
¿¿With?¿
- garlic bread
with - parmesan (mmmm)
AND, dont froget,
lots of love in ery bowl.))
now gnr lies had all those genuinely hateful and sincere n words and f slurs in it but they really made up for it with chinese democracy! everyone liekd that! we'll get em next time boys they said
i like their greayest hits because 35.71% of the songs are other peopels songs
so anyway guys that was my robert positive album review yaaaaay
Jimi Hendrix
4/5
i think voodoo child is the greatest thing ever cut on plastic
thank you jimi
The Byrds
1/5
down are way the birds are singing
down are way the birds are minging
- liam gallagher
Bob Dylan
3/5
banjo enlightenment
mild adrenaline is like heroin the lonesome and tedius sort
i have never liked this album but stevie harris pushed it hard and impersonating dylan in simple twist of fate was vital to surviving that job
Wild Beasts
1/5
it sounds like arcade fire but frontman is taking a tricky shit
The Who
2/5
i respect the 60s period nostalgia some people will have experienced for this the likes of which we will never know of again as everything spontaneous and organic and beautiful in this world dies but its still largely crap
Dire Straits
2/5
okay i admit it, wild west end is quite nice
if we can only harness the power of this thing they call "fretless bass" then surely we will be unstoppable
A Tribe Called Quest
2/5
this is so boring
pubic enemy is so stupid
so repetitive
read the lyrics for joyful expression its so fucking stupid. make me wanna holler also make me wanna listen to marvin gaye instead. inner city blues added to queue and skip. aah. do do doo do dooo
im so incredibly depressed and watch superstore and sleep a lot lol
k.d. lang
2/5
country western lesbian dares to adopt a cultural identity that would seem naff and out of place to sing about heartbreak and loneliness
the question is how do i make my hair look like that
Circle Jerks
1/5
speedrun album any%
Van Halen
2/5
https://youtu.be/dMfX9fu2030?si=sa9-rWQoUMkXP_Jn
i just watched nicola benedetti perform the beethoven violin concerto and i think it was one of the most beautiful 45 minutes i will ever spend
Led Zeppelin
5/5
most people are going to hear bron-yr-aur stomp and just not feel it half as deeply as i do, and that makes me feel a little bit alone. but sometimes you meet someone who gets it, and its nice
My Bloody Valentine
2/5
i had high hopes for this
:((
Teenage Fanclub
2/5
two big tunes and a bit of wishful thinking
John Lee Hooker
1/5
heres what we'll do. thats blues legend john lee hooker. how do we represent him on this album list? lets do it with a random excuse for a piss up with carlos santana in the late 80's. that'll do it.
terrible.
David Crosby
1/5
if i had a big boat i would go out sailing and get a big net and catch every crosby and nash and stills i could find and if i found any youngs i would set them back free into sea and nurse them back to health first if i hurt them a bit but the rest i would catch and bring home and fry them up in a pan or take them to the market and sell them for a tupence a pound
The Fall
1/5
service sounds like cam fucking about on his keyboard
2/5
i remember singing track 2 in the shower, w h a t a belter
this album is unsatisfactory
Beatles
5/5
i really really like this album especially she said he said and and your bird can sing and im only sleeping and yellow submarine is just darling and got to get you into my life is just joyous and i think tomorrow never knows is really one of the best things the beatles ever did
Fairport Convention
1/5
this whiny fucking woman is doing my head in
Culture Club
2/5
moises appendix go wah wah
Buffalo Springfield
1/5
AGAIN?!!????????
Stevie Wonder
5/5
this is really good and underrated
i like tuesday heartbreak a lot
and i like maybe your baby a lot
and i like all the other tracks a lot
The Isley Brothers
2/5
look me in the eye and tell me music hasnt gotten worse
lots of schlock too though
Mylo
1/5
wow this blows
Arctic Monkeys
1/5
so bad i even lose the will to be merrily vengeful and hatefilled and just left here with battered and defeated in deep sadness
Daft Punk
1/5
the first french album not about paedophilia
Thelonious Monk
2/5
dominka crushed me at go
robert christgau really likes this album
"July 1960, as I recall. A British salesman at Sam Goody's advises Brilliant Corners over Misterioso. Objectively, he's right. I all but memorize Brilliant Corners. But in the end I prefer Misterioso"
jazz is very subjective innit
Fiona Apple
1/5
the most overhyped and overrated record of the decade in the history of the universe
Hanoi Rocks
1/5
THE ALBUMNING RETURNS
BLESSED DAY
I WISH MY CARD WOULD FUCKING WORK
IM SWEATING MY TITS OFF ON A WEEKDAY BASIS
IM DRESSING UP AS A CAVEMAN AND ITS ALL MY FAULT
ANYWAY THIS ALBUM KIND OF BLOWS
Songhoy Blues
2/5
i love the music of mali. i would like to go there one day.
i do not like this
this pefume with this music reminds me memory. its a memory of love.
----- biographical note -----
wow
staff party
so much stuff
a phantom shitter
wow
----- biographical note -----
Marvin Gaye
3/5
this album really only has two good songs on it
i mean they are realllly good songs
i really like those songs
R.E.M.
3/5
when i first listened to this album i was angry. i packed my angry eyes; just incase. i was listening to the beethoven 9 scherzo and living every note. i was bartending with great rage and stocking with furious anger. and the fentimans sparkling did know that i am the lord.
now im listening with the peace and breezyness which this album was wrought with. and its really steady. i know it was revolutionary for the time and i dont care. cam always says that certain albums are "alright" and i always snap back with a belligerent and beethovian intensity, how can music be okay? it is good or it is not! and i will only listen to it again if it is good!
but this is the closest thing i have gotten to understanding that an album can be like this. its okay. i dont think ill pick this up again often but the want may creep up on me once or twice in my life and it will be a pleasant surprise to me.
now i need a classic cam metaphor as a closer. damn this is hard.
"this album is like switzerland. its very neutral most of the time, but contains distinctive sweet treats." something like that idfk
Massive Attack
1/5
to be fair everyone was wankered in the 90's but all the rest of ye's dont have that excuse!
The Go-Betweens
3/5
this cheered me up in a sea of mediocrity
this was the time i was really depressed huh
hold your sadness tenderly. take care of your sadness. it takes mud to build lotus flowers
Amy Winehouse
4/5
so jane just got her shop i cant believe it im so glad
except thats just the thing, im not surprised all. in fact, i never really had a doubt in my mind. shes cut from a different cloth, shes knows something no-one else knows, and shes going to nail it
we really needed albums like this in 2006
oh yeah the shop used to be called back to blank lololol
Ray Charles
3/5
im sorry ray, its not you its me. im just not feeling it of late. im not usually like this! or maybe this record is just a bit tepid? who knows.
anyway today i learned i dont like mahler 8
The Smiths
1/5
this album has never been good
this album has never been clever
this album has never been cool
this album doesnt have one good song
if you are a little cutie who wears a meat is murder tote bag or t-shirt i hate you will you marry me
Suede
1/5
"a startling record: an album surrounded by the white heat of something close to genius." He added: "the songs of Dog Man Star are grand designs, enacted against grandiose backdrops."
- John Harris, NME
"With Dog Man Star the group has vindicated just about every claim that was ever made on their behalf. A long, sprawling and not entirely flawless album, it will be hailed in years to come as the crowning achievement of a line-up that reinvented English, guitar-band rock'n'roll for the 1990s."
- David Sinclair, Q
ITS FUCKING SHITE
The Mothers Of Invention
3/5
i have this record and i like to hold it and stroke it and look at all the silly faces
if you play it from start to finish and let the big silly thing just wash over you its actually one of the better zappa records; one of the few cohesive ones in a catalogue of about 70, but it is not
a p o s t r o p h e (')
ding ding dingding ding di di ding ding
Franz Ferdinand
1/5
i hate this i hate this i hate hate hate this i hate this i hate this i hate this i hate it
David Bowie
2/5
i
i could be a good album
and you
you could be the listener
but nothing
nothing
could make this a good album
even if you listen
forever and ever
could it be heroes?
not for one day
System Of A Down
1/5
this album is quite obviously anti-turkish propaganda thinly veiled as music. no doubt thought up by a greek.
Genesis
1/5
terrrible :((
5/5
could it beeeee anybodyyyy
i just want someone to love
oh i get by with a little help from my friends
gonna try with a little help from my friends
Prince
4/5
i didnt go to work today
this is a good album
The B-52's
5/5
cindy wilson screams into my heart
Bob Dylan
3/5
yaaaay my heart isnt dead vlog ha haaaa he heeeeee ho hooooo ha haaaaa
i have no personal feeling for this record
Robert Wyatt
1/5
i hate this more than all the grains if samd on all the besche sof all the planets in all the galaxies
The Killers
2/5
https://youtu.be/JCAt9WcCFbM?si=hg94MFJ3u_Sqeerz
Nine Inch Nails
2/5
https://youtu.be/vwKSN8pSq8g?si=Q5k2hvgcFxLrG1MM
Yes
1/5
as someone who is now intimately familar with the symphonies of brahms i can now on revisitation hate "cans and brahms" will the full scorn it deserves. and i dont even really like brahms. maybe this makes them look intellectual to somebody
Lenny Kravitz
1/5
https://youtu.be/UPw-3e_pzqU?si=nM3ve12h0N1E5DlZ
lenny kravitz sucks. been thinking about the kravitz bowl. been thinking about dave chapelles racial draft. been thinking about a lot of things.
i thought kravitz's whole thing was that hes black jewish? the after like three songs whole fucking album is about christ christ christ. my god. happy easter by the way.
this album is so platitudinous its like a giant big plateau of platitudes. the great plateau nation of tibet with all of its yaks and lamas could sit comfortably inside this
i mean just marvel at such visionary lyrics as:
\"It's on the freedom train
Come on dance on the freedom train
It's on the freedom train
Come on dance on the freedom train (yeah)\"
repeat x4 times
(varying on the \"yeah\"s)
and thats freedom train.
read the lyrics for \"fear\" and tell me david brent didnt write it
what is it with these rock'n'roll narcissists and talking about "let the children play" or "and the children gathered round" etc? leave the fucking children alone! im looking at you cat stevens. and bowie. and lenny kravitz.
"or am i a rapist who needs a release?" EEHHHHHHHwwwweeewewwwwwewewewew yikessss
this album is bad, and it gives me a new lease on life
The Replacements
5/5
what? this album is too good to be on this list??? im ill :((
The Beach Boys
5/5
i like pet sounds - robert
Pet sounds didn't just carve out a new sound for the beach boys it cemeted a new sound in pop music. With Brian Wilson's dense barbershop inspired baroque pop arrangements combined with the wrecking crew's unique playing this record pretty much invented chamber pop. Highlight-Don't talk just put your head on my shoulder
this is finlay
i havent listened yet
feel like i should
not too bothered
bird lives
addendum - thats not how you spell adendum - robert
we are in the oxford bar. we love the oxford bar.
dont talk put your head on my shoulder is perfect. more people should know this. it reminds me of that one girl. sigh.
xxxxx