This album is like a surf trip with the boys. You hit the beach and catch a couple of good waves, but it flattens out pretty quick. Over the next couple of days you drive to a couple more spots, but you never really see any good waves. After a while you start getting frustrated at the lack of success, but you keep drinking every night because it’s what you are meant to do on a surf trip. And also one of your friends has a sheet of metal which he won’t stop flapping for some reason.

This album gives soulful vibes of a soldier in a far off land, sitting in a dimly lit dive bar at 1am drowning himself in rye while thinking of ladies back home. Thoughts of his current girl and memories of former flames circle in his thoughts, while in the back of his mind he knows he’ll be on the front lines mere hours from now.

Like a sports car being cold-started on a frosty morning - this album hints at something great, but instead splutters its way along, struggling to find the right rhythm

This album starts out like a freshly brewed cup of fair trade Colombian brew coffee on a warm Sunday morning. It uplifts you to the point that when you realise you need to vacuum your house, you’ve got a wholesome energy so you don’t even mind vacuuming, in fact you dance and smile as you do it because everything feels right in the world. As the day winds down into a calming sunset, you at peace because you know you couldn’t have asked for a better Sunday.

This is like setting out for a long distance ride on your Harley Davidson. You’re excited at first but then you realise it’s a long weekend and you spend most of the time stuck in traffic. Also there is a bolt loose under your seat so you have to put up with jarring vibrations the whole way.

This album gives the vibe of a loner who committed an anti-social crime in his early twenties. After years incarcerated in solitary confinement, he has been released and is scrambling to get 25 years worth of thoughts down on paper. Levels out a bit later on in the album, but it is a bit shambolic for my liking.

This album is like the time you and your two best friends were all on family skiing trips to Wanaka at the same time. Your parents are all out to dinner together, and have left you at the motel. Your older sister gets you a box of beers to share and you are experiencing what it is like to let loose for the first time. A girl from a couple of rooms down the hall joins you, and after telling you how she’s into Radiohead, you end up hooking up and doing hand stuff for the first time while Master of Puppets plays in the background, etching this song into your memory forever. This is an awakening. These halcyon days are a turning point in your life, for all the right reasons

This album is like if you have been staying up too late at night during the week, so you are exhausted when the weekend rolls around. It is a nice Saturday afternoon, the sun is streaming through your french doors, and into your living room. You let the warmth on your face ease you into a lovely peaceful nap on your couch. Then in the middle of your slumber, your three year old son comes and punches you in the dick and starts crying. You manage doze off again, but twenty minutes later he gets into the pots and pans and makes a cacophony of noise. At this stage you are just too scared to go back to sleep.

This album is like drinking two glasses of red wine and then getting into your swimming pool on a still starry night. You lie on your back, and make no movements while looking up at the night sky, marvelling at the universe. Your garden is light up by the moonlight and the quiet warmth of the pool lighting envelops you as you drift slowly around the pool. You don’t want this moment to end.

This album is like a visit to an overseas whiskey bar where English isn’t the first language. The bar is catered to foreigners, including a band that performs in English. The bar is on a main road and the lighting is too bright in an effort to lure in passers by.

This album is like when your mum took you clothes shopping and let you choose your own shoes for the first time. You immediately wanted big bright Osiris skate shoes which was a huge step away from the old sneakers that mum used to get you. But she doesn't even understand, this is your new personality and you are proud to express yourself

This album gives the vibes of someone at a cocktail party, surrounded by dignitaries and socialites. He drums up a conversation with a railroad tycoon who asks what this young man has 'in the works'. After fudging his way through conversation using terms like 'amortization', 'EBITDA' and 'capital gains', he heads to the bar and orders a Manhattan cocktail. He politely sips his drink in solitude , internally pondering where Vermouth actually gets its unique flavour from, while surveying the room. He can't shake the feeling that at this particular point in time, he has made it. The sun sets behind the mountain range across the lake from the elevated condo which hosts the party. The man goes outside for a menthol cigarette and looks up at the sky, just in time to see a glimmer of a far off shooting star. Could it get better than this? Unlikely.

This album is like waking up on a warm Spring morning and feeling motivated to go out for a run. The mood that you’re in is sparking a new beginning towards better health and a better mindset, while also making you wanting to punch out the nearest government official.

This album is like a surf trip with the boys. You hit the beach and catch a couple of good waves, but it flattens out pretty quick. Over the next couple of days you drive to a couple more spots, but you never really see any good waves. After a while you start getting frustrated at the lack of success, but you keep drinking every night because it’s what you are meant to do on a surf trip. And also one of your friends has a sheet of metal which he won’t stop flapping for some reason.

This album gives the vibes of being an undercover detective chasing a no-good hispanic drug dealer through El Barrio. He runs into a nearby music club and you follow him, however you lose him as soon as you enter, as you are distracted by the bright colours, the loud noises, and the attractive ladies with raven-black hair and bright red lipstick. You can't help think that they are associates of your assailant, as they are working hard to keep you on the dance floor. But you can't drag yourself away, because you are lost in the music.

This album is like when you have managed to talk a girl who is out of your league into going out for a drink with you. You don’t have your own car yet, so you have to borrow your mum’s. Needing to make up for this bad start, you know you have to take this girl somewhere fashionable and cool, but it still has to be a safe pick - not too weird so as to make a potentially polarising statement about your personality

This is like having after works drinks in your office in the late 60s. Your straight-laced boss who is completely out of touch with the world asks what music is cool these days. Excitedly, you hope for him to put the Doors, the Rolling Stones or maybe even some Hendrix on, but that slow drawl of Monday, Monday reminds you that you are drinking in an office with acquaintances, not partying in the club with friends. Everyone makes polite conversation, and there is a hint of the party lifting as California Dreamin comes on. But that doesn’t last long. You’re not having a terrible time, but you are painfully aware that there are far more enjoyable parties going on down the road.

This album gives vibes of hearing a couple of mainstream hits and thinking 'this band could become a guilty pleasure'. So you illegally download the album and listen to it through headphones. The album starts strong as you bop through the singles that you know and love, but then you get through the singles and hear the rest of the album, which you don't enjoy. You delete the album from your iPod that night, and listen to some Black Sabbath instead.

This album is like when you’re five years old and your parents are having a party at home. Things start great because there is music playing, you’re allowed one soft drink, and several people are here and they seem excited to talk to you about your toy car collection. The night goes downhill quickly though, as your parents send you to bed early on in the party. You lie in bed and can hear the general murmur of a party, and it stops you from drifting off to a more enjoyable sleep.

This album is like the moment you sit out on your veranda after a big night out. As a devilish cocktail of beer, rum, negroni, a half eaten kebab and only-God-knows-what-else still courses through your veins, you take a moment to reflect on the evening. Your heart is still pumping at high octane from the activities of the evening, so you take a moment to sit under the night sky and contemplate the night that just played out. While relaxing and watching the clouds drift across the front of a full moon, flashes of the evening streak through your mind as you feel your body calming. “One more negroni” you think to yourself. Not needing more alcohol, you head to your kitchen and slap together a quickly made cocktail, before returning to the veranda. You don’t need the drink, but you have had such an amazing night and this calming time under the night sky is so peaceful, that you simply don’t know why you’d consider going to bed.

This album is like the third or fourth day of a massive bender. At this stage there is more alcohol in your veins than blood, and deep down you’re not too sure how you’re still functioning. Yet still you march forward. Sitting in a grimy lounge, surrounded by grimy accomplices, you power through the next box of beers slowly yet purposefully. There is a strong aroma of cigarettes from last night, and a matching taste at the back of your throat. There are less people in the room today than there were yesterday, but you know the missing ones will make their way back at some stage today. They can’t back out now. The couch you sit on is somehow crusty and damp at the same time. Occasionally you gat a euphoric rush of blood to the head, causing you to jump up and challenge the room to finish their drinks. You’re not sure if it is actually you doing that though, or if your soul has shifted to a new dimension. R.I.P. Ozzy

This album is like remembering the time you drove to work last week, to a job that you feel indifferent about. You woke on a cold morning and didn’t really want to get out of your cozy bed. Still half asleep, you knock back a black coffee to jolt yourself awake before brushing your teeth. Still bleary-eyed and drowsy, you set off. Nothing really unique or memorable happened on the drive, but you did get to work.

This album captures the vibe of you and your family having one last drink after your beloved grandfather’s funeral. After the funeral, friends and family had gathered at your uncle’s house and regaled each other with fond memories of a great man while having a few drinks. Gradually, guests depart. Before you know it, only the immediate family are left, sitting around a fireplace which houses a withering fire. While you all silently ponder whether or not to throw another log on, a quiet voice from the corner asks the room if anyone remembers the one time Grandpa raised his voice in anger - when one of his granddaughters slammed his grandson’s hand in a car door. Everyone smiles fondly as they finish their drinks. Realising that leaving the room means it is time to force themselves to move on with life, they agree to one last whiskey on the rocks.

This album is like the time you illegally downloaded a movie to watch with a girl you’ve just started dating. However when you start the movie you find it has been recorded on a phone camera in a cinema. In Uzbekistan. And someone in the row behind is watching another movie on their phone.

This album is like you’ve just ended a toxic relationship with a girl who was a bad influence, dragging you into a damaging lifestyle of excess. You’ve woken up feeling like a new man, you’re here to live clean, and you’re maintaining a positive outlook on the world. You’ll never forget where you’ve come from, but you’re more focussed on where you are going.

This album is like putting on your most weathered op-shop skinny jeans, a tight-fitting threadbare white t-shirt and your most rustic woollen sweater vest to go out to a log cabin in the forest to get away from the corporate drones for a weekend. The only problem is your fixed-gear bicycle isn’t suitable for the gravel road, so you have to hitchhike. Nobody wants to pick you up cos you have the look of a person who uses “natural” deodorant, so you are just standing around waiting on the side of the road on a hot afternoon for about 6 hours.

This album is like going on your first New Year’s trip with friends instead of family. Your sister doesn’t need her car for the holiday so she has been good enough to lend it to you. Now you and three friends are hurtling towards the Mount, Whangamata, Whitianga or wherever the hell you want. You’re flying down state highway 1 at 115km/h in a beat up old Honda civic, hurtling towards five days of surfing, drinking, experimenting with drugs and trying to chase girls for an evening of fun followed by absolutely no attempt to keep in contact afterwards. You’re not sure what you’re most excited about, as daydreams of all the aforementioned vices bounce around your head. No more low key days playing backyard cricket with the 13 year old neighbour at your family bach, it’s time to get wasted on Tui and run the beach as if it is your own debaucherous playground.