1001 Albums Summary

No, just no.

Could not get into it. Dark, dull, slow.

Oh man, these guys are behind their time, can't believe they came out in 2018, from that post on youtube. They should have been one of those 70's stars. The sound is straight out of the decade, I can hear the fuzz from tube amps, and smell the patchouli (that's masking the stale bongwater). This stuff would have been so great following up that band that did the "Bang a gong" song... What? That was these guys? Seriously? How is it that I didn't hear about them before? Wasn't it Robert Palmer that did that tune? Are you sure? This stuff sounds brand new... Huh. O.k. Well then... Dang, my whole world has just been readjusted.

Was this done by that guy Jerry Larsen? He was always a bit off the rails. Those cow characterizations were wild. Especially the one with the wife cow saying she wasn't content, even though she was living in a house wearing pearls and had a martini in her, uh, hoof. Pearls, for pete's sake! On a cow! In a house! With a martini! This guy cracks me up. His music kinda sucks though. Doesn't match the comics *at all*.

Lars Ulrich is a dick. That is, at this point, an established fact (just ask one of my many cousins - You: "Hey workingstiff's cousin, is Lars Ulrich a dick?" One of my many, many cousins: "Yeah, Lars Ulrich is a dick"). Look 'em up, you can find any one of them in the phone book (or on Face Groups or instaGlam or linkedup or the thing that was once known as Twitter but is now reviled as that steaming heap of garbage that smells bad and has zits and is generally of no use to anyone but Elon Musk hisself). Just look up "workingstiff's cousin" and you'll find them. But on this album, he is not a phallusoid entity, he is a percussionist (which, it could be argued, plants him thoroughly in the 'dick' world, as those in the the profession are known for their rather antisocial behaviors - Keith Moon anyone?) But in any event, in this case he is indeed a percussionist, or a drummer, if you prefer that nomenclature. But the point I'm trying to make, in an extremely roundabout way, is that he isn't a very good one (drummer, that is). A drum machine has more variablility and personality than in this example. While the rest of the band is doing a bangup job, Lars is stifling them. Does this resonate with anyone?

There are WAY better spice combinations in this world. Take equal parts of garlic powder, salt, and sugar, add some black pepper, and a dash of cayenne, and you have one awesome rub for ribs. For a nice kick on your cinnamon toast, add nutmeg, a pinch of cloves and a hint of cayenne to your cinnamon and sugar and you'll have morning heaven. Heck, even a nice mix of garlic and salt on your pan fried chicken will satisfy flaor seekers. Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme are ok, but pale before the mixes I've laid out here.

"Incredible" is a bit of a stretch. Probably better off using "Plain Old Jimmy Smith", or "Just Jimmy Smith", or even more equitable "Jimmy Smith". And there wasn't even one chicken singing on the album that I heard (though to be truthful I couldn't bring myself to listen to much of it, being rather disappointed that there was nothing "incredible" going on). Sunny side of the street is nice, though.

With a name and title like "Water From An Ancient Well - Abdullah Ibrahim", you'd think this would be some avant garde heavy metal music, or funky ethno folk, or some really wild prog rock extended play 2 hour piece. Nope, just plain old boring light jazz.

These guys tried SO HARD to be the new Beatles. And the new The Who. And the new Pink Floyd. And the new Kinks, even though they already were the old Kinks. They shoulld have focused on just being the Kinks in the first place, that would have been the best thing for them to do. Remember kids, just be your kinky self, don't try to be some other kinky copy!

When this came out, it was the hardest, baddest rock you could get. It literally *could not* be cranked up loud enough - believe me, we all tried. The number of blown car stereo speakers skyrocketed after the introduction of this music. This album specifically is responsible for at least half of the tinnitus for those over the age of 55.

I am completely and totally sure this was not *made* in Japan. The music was *played* in Japan, I'll give it that, but now way in creation that it was actually made there. People don't generally know this, but the lyrics in Japanese songs are in Japanese, it's required by deep and abiding custom. Truth! So for instance, "Smoke on the water" would have actually been "Sa-moke-a on de watashi wa". That's how I can tell this wasn't made in Japan.

Oh my god, these guys are my new favorite band! Because they told me they are! Even though I think their music is derivative and stale! And monotonous! And repetitive! And redundant! And it all sounds the same! With every passing song my enthusiasm is waning! Please make it stop!

Wish I could give it a zero

For some weird reason this reminds me of going to the circus. Unlike the circus, this does not have exotic animals like lions and tigers and elephants. Also unlike the circus, they do not have clowns. Tightropes and trapezes are mysteriously absent. There is no over priced popcorn, no ringmaster directing our attention to a specific point of interest. No big overheated smelly tent, no cheap bleachers as sets. So yeah, for all those reasons, this is just like going to the circus.

Wish I could give it a zero

Found this at a garage sale, plunked down my 25 cents, then went home and put it on the turntable. My world literally changed. I was now in a world where I had heard this album, where previously I was in a world where I had not. They were very much the same, these two worlds. However, there was no going back from the world where I had heard it to the world where I had not. Breakfast still tasted the same, I lived in the same place, went to the same school, slept in the same bed, and drove the same car. Yet I couldn't help but wonder if things would have been different if I had never listed to this album. I guess I'll never know.

This is the weirdest music I have heard in a very long time. And I listen to A LOT of weird music.

Wish I could give zero stars.

Limp wristed frat boy band.

The title track earns the 5. The rest, well, they're o.k., but pale in comparison to what Eddie Hazel did on Maggot Brain

Bland, at best

Pretty good

Despite the overwhelming narcissisism of DLR, pretty good.

Almost, but not quite, entirely not my cup of tea

Hard to believe a band with so many members results in such a thin sound. "Our house" bumped up the rating, if not for that it would have been probably a 1.

I would really like to not like this. I mean, who wants somebody else to appoint themselves "the boss"? Pretty presumptive, yes? But, I like it. Despite my nature for antiauthoritarianism, this still resonates with me. I feel unclean.

I think this was one long song, punctuated by rests where they scribbled in a single chord change before starting the next section, leaving tempo and rhythm untouched.

Hearing influences of Paul Simon and Pink Floyd. Which is a pretty odd combination, but also introduces some interesting output. Still, didn't move me in any significant way.

Innovative in its time, pretty cheesy now

Almost, but not quite, entirely dull

Actually pretty good, I was surprised. One major flaw, though - they also use the white keys (see the video for 'Too Afraid To Love You'), so their name is a misnomer. I plan to litigate for false advertising.

Pretty good. Was at a show of his some decades ago where he insulted the audience, along the lines of "Well, you fuckers showed up so let's get this over with". Good times.

Wait, is this guy... gay or something?

Really quite good, for a band named after a dildo.

Utter useless trash. Total shit. Don't even waste time reading this review, just move on.

Remarkably dull and flaccid

One really long, long song. Don't know why they keep putting pauses in it though.

I liked him better when he was part of that more famous band. I seem to recall it was the Beach Boys

Truly great.

Meh. Hard to get over the arrogance of someone willfully naming himself 'Good Voice'

I had a fast car once. It was a lot of fun, and only got me in trouble once or twice. I remember it well, much better than all of the other cars I've ever had, they were pretty much unimpressive. Which brings me to this point - we all remember one song from this album, but not a single one of the others. Get it?

Maggot Brain saves this from a lower score

No, really guys, I'm pretty sure this dude is gay or something...

OMG. OMD was once a BFD. But now this sounds like outdated EDM. Maybe now most suited to being BGM. Frankly boring AF. CUL8R.

Tiny Tim meets Kate Bush and they go on tour as lounge singers. I'm sure this touches somebody's soul somewhere. Somewhere far away from this planet and out of touch with the sensibilities of the vast majority of humans. Hell, probably the vast majority of living creatures.

It's becoming more and more obvious that the human race is splintering into 2 races. One pursues knowledge, security, and progress for all humans. The other wants to return to a previous time where ignorance and mass stupidity reign supreme. The latter creates music such as this as a waste byproduct.

Pretty alright. Still, they need more chicks in this lonely hearts club. A real sausage fest as it stands

This fella is awfully fond of curse words. He also seems to be without any ethics or courtesy, and is woefully racist. I don't think I like that.

Smooth and funky.

This reminds me of the way pandas eat. It's a fascination for a select few, but to the rest of us it's not a rather useless way to spend time

Man, EDM started off so long ago, and it's gotten only more boring and flaccid coming up on *50 years* now.

It would appear that there are many things of which I am not a fan. This is one of those.

Meh. O.k. I guess, but has lost its luster over teh last 50 years

See, soul and hip hop can actually be uplifting. No cursing, no killing, no anger for anger's sake.

Hell yeah. Too bad about the perversions though...

Teeny bopper vanilla rock. Cliche as they come.

Real music. Most excellent

Johnny always sounded kinda nervous and wired to me. In this set, he references taking some shots of cocaine, but that wouldn't make someone sound like this. Plus, you don't take shots of cocaine, you snort lines. Well, not you specifically, though it's possible you may, but that business is between you and whatever gods are present in your drug addled state. Anyway, sounds to me like he was more on methamphetamine than anything. Explains the shaky voice and the sweats, plus the fact that he was in Fulsom prison.

Sounds like some good old country boys dropped acid then slugged down a years worth of estrogen before writing songs.

Music has a very difficult time getting better than this. Not impossible, but this sets a *very* high bar

I remember listening to this when it first came out - stoned, sitting in a girlfriend's basement, thinking about how damned good this music was. I must have been *really* stoned.

Music by and for limp wristed latent homosexual frat boys. The overtones of bestiality on the album cover are also a bit much.

Damn this is really good. Herbie went hunting heads, and found them. All the heads I knew back in high school gravitated to these tunes. Slapping that vinyl down on the turntable in Clint's dad's place would bring the heads running. The cuervo gold and fine columbian didn't hurt either. But that's a story for a different album.

This is actually quite good. I mean, I wouldn't pay money for it, and I wouldn't go to a concert by them, and I wouldn't recommend it to friends, and I'd probably use the CD for a coaster (if I'd obtained a copy as a gift or marketing campaign, because as I said, I wouldn't pay money for it), and I wouldn't take up storage space on my phone with it, nor would I waste bandwidth by streaming it. But still, this is actually quite good.

Oh man, this is really, really, *really* good... At invoking narcolepsy. I almost nodded off, nearly dropping my breakfast of milque toast, which is WAY more savory and daring than the music contained herein.

Purple? Probably more like indigo. Definitely not on the violet side of the spectrum. Deep? Eh, maybe. Guess that's really a matter of perspective. Maybe they should have been named Middling Indigo?

I can find no reason to recommend this to anyone.

Whiny. Which is interesting, because if you say it a little oddly, that could sound like "wo ai ni", which is 'I love you'. Which makes no sense, because there is nothing to love here.

Ah but the horns, they're blowing that sound.

Starts off sounding like the record's stuck. Which is weird, because I'm listening to it on youtube, and I'm *pretty* sure they don't use records or even tape. These gentlemen are more than a little misogynistic and racist. They also appear to be materialistic. I'm not fond of those traits.

Sound like a discount version of the foo fighters. Probably not enough of a discount to be worth it though...

Kind of blue? Well, I guess. I do hear a lot of blue notes in this, which is pretty much a given, since it's jazz. And it does invoke a certain sense of melancholy every now and then, which is generally associated with "the blues". And on the album cover the guy is wearing a piece of clothing that is kind of blue. But if I had to pick a color that describes this most closely, I'd have to say it's "Puce". That's the color of a blood engorged flea's stomach, in case you didn't know. Honest! Some describe it as a brownish purple color, which is relevant, because the sounds on this album invoke the same brain waves as purple and brown noise when they are played simultaneously (although the music on the album is much more melodic). This an ingenious approach to music! The brown noise is often used to help people sleep, while purple noise is more suited to calming tinnitus. So, this music lulls you into a relaxed state, meanwhile calming that eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee sound (that you had *just* managed to forget about but seeing that long string of the letter e has reminded you it is still present and louder than ever. Sorry about that). If you listen to this album all the way through (which I must confess I have not, because I find it pretty boring), you'll see what I mean. You'll be asleep and will have forgotten about the you-know-what, which if I mention it will come screaming back at full volume, *especially* if you are asleep. Which I hope you're not at this point - I'd find it somewhat offensive that you fell asleep while reading this. So anyway, let's agree to call this "Kind of Puce" instead, ok?

"Dire" implies something urgent, desperate, grievously troublesome, or of a nature that invokes fear or suffering. A "strait" is a narrow passage of water connecting two large bodies of water. I've listened to this album literally hundreds of times in my life. Not once have I ever felt any indication of "dire" *anything*. In fact, this has been one of my favorite albums over the years. I come back to it every now and then, and the only memory I can find that contains even a tiny hint of danger or trouble was when I was sitting on the hood of my car in front of a cliff (for the view, NOT for any other reason!), calmly listening to "six blade knife". I guess the mention of a knife, especially one with so many blades, could be anxiety inducing for some, but not me. I *might* have driven on a bridge over a "strait" when I was filling my world with sound from this album, but I doubt it. I guess maybe my point is, the only way "dire" or "straits" could apply to this is that if you don't love this album after even one listening, you'll be in dire straits for the rest of your life by not recognizing top shelf music, destined to wallow in the greasy, foul mud of pop music, or even worse, country/western. So "strait-en" up and love this. Or else.

Not bad for a bunch of robots.

Is this a parody of the Folksmen?

Sounds like Pink Floyd, Nick Cave, and Elvis had an orgy with a church choir and this band was comprised of the offspring and influences of that. I'm not saying that's a bad thing, but I'm also not saying that's a good thing. In fact, it's very possible that listening to this music may prevent future offspring of any kind due to being pretty boring, which usually invites sleep instead of procreation. It is important to note, I am also not saying is a bad or good thing on its own.

That Tony Danza song really tugs at the heart. Had no idea Elton was gay, and his love for Tony was surprising to hear about!

I'm suspect this guy isn't really a dog. For one thing, it appears he is able to mimic human speech, though at an impossibly crass and vulgar level. He also seems to be a bit racist.

I think it's a little arrogant that they call themselves THE band, as there are many, many bands in the world. Unless they're trying to trick purveyors of wine into giving them more wine whenever the crowd cries "more wine for the band", and the purveyors mistake "the" for "THE", so they ship off a crate of their cheapest product to these guys instead of giving it to the musicians that are *right in front* of them. I mean, other musicians are due their perks too, right? Why should these guys usurp those? Plus their music is kinda dull. Maybe someone should give them some more wine to liven things up. Although the cover art seems to indicate that perhaps they've had too much already. Maybe it's the wine that's the root of the problem. I mean, I like wine too, but don't think I'd go so far as to put a cup of it on my head while I'm playing the guitar. I'd use one of those caps with cupholders and a straw. But that would make it hard to look down at the strings to see which chord I'm playing. Maybe I'm just a lousy guitar player.

Listening to this reminds me of the time that alien spider/lizard hybrids invaded my hometown - really weird but ultimately sexually gratifying. I'll let your imagination fill in the details

Most people think the name of this band came about because of the phrase "that'll go over about as well as a lead balloon", except using a zeppelin instead in order to increase the magnitude of just how ludicrous the situation was. But that's wrong. As you can plainly see, it's "led" (past tense of the verb "lead", which rhymes with "read", the present tense of the act you are performing right now), not "lead" (the metal, which rhymes with "read", the past tense of what you will have done with this increasingly lengthy sentence when you finish reading it (Parenthetically, I think it's important to point out that "reading" does NOT rhyme with the city in California named "Redding", just in case you were getting confused. Come to think of it, I could have just used the word "red" above to make things clearer, but hey, it's already written and I have more to say, so I'll leave it that way)). That's an important difference. One of the big problems with zeppelins is that they are subject to the whims of the wind and breeze, like when the Hindenburg was blown into that mooring rig and came down like a real lead (the metal) zeppelin, not to mention all that fire complicating the whole process. I imagine it was probably hot enough to melt lead (the metal, that is), but I'm pretty sure the Hindenburg was NOT made of lead, because that would be, frankly, a stupid thing to use in something that is supposed to be lighter than air, which lead (the metal) is most definitely NOT. Anyway, what this is all leading (rhymes with "reading" not "Redding", see above) to: If you actually lead a zeppelin (that's "lead", the present tense of "led"), magic things can happen. For one, they won't crash into mooring rigs and catch fire. People can get to their destinations safely and comfortably. That's an allegory for the stratospheric success of this band - similar to a led zeppelin, they were able to deliver results - some really awesome tunes over the years, a pretty cool documentary about them, and a legendary stage presence (although their album "Presence" went over a bit like a lead balloon). Or maybe they just had poor spelling skills?

I absolutely love this. I received the vinyl album as a gift when it first came out, and I listened to it endlessly. I still pull it up on the Zune (THAT'LL BE ENOUGH OUT OF YOU, ZIP IT AND READ!!!!) when I want to get a dose of happy. But... I do have one issue with this. What chords are in the key of life? I think perhaps Stevie is being a little disingenuous here, as all of my research doesn't find even a *hint* that it exists. I would really like to know so I could jam along with these tunes, but alas, there exists no guide on how to setup my guitar in the key. I think Stevie's holding out on us, keeping it proprietary in order to keep racking in those sweet sweet royalties. That isn't fair.

I don't understand why people are always yelling out "Run, it's the police!" or "F*ck the police!" These guys are great musicians. I wouldn't want to run from them, I'd instead sit down and enjoy their music. And as to the other, well, I don't have that particular bent. I'm sure they're nice enough guys, but I'm certain that carnal knowledge of them does not suit my tastes. I wonder if one of them said something derogatory about hip hop at one point, because those folks seem to be awfully prejudiced against these guys, calling them all kinds of ugly names and deriding their talents at every turn. In the end, all of them are musicians. Why can't they all just get along?

Ugh, no. Some good music there, but it needs to have Kanye's blabbering removed to make it listenable.