332
Albums Rated
3.05
Average Rating
30%
Complete
757 albums remaining
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1950s
Favorite Decade
Jazz
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Top Origin
Wordsmith
Rater Style ?
42
5-Star Albums
39
1-Star Albums
Taste Analysis
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Ratings by genre
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Rating Style
You Love More Than Most
Albums you rated higher than global average
| Album | You | Global | Diff |
|---|---|---|---|
| Snivilisation | 5 | 2.71 | +2.29 |
| Survivor | 5 | 2.85 | +2.15 |
| Savane | 5 | 3.02 | +1.98 |
| Trio | 5 | 3.13 | +1.87 |
| Since I Left You | 5 | 3.28 | +1.72 |
| Live And Dangerous | 5 | 3.32 | +1.68 |
| Sunday At The Village Vanguard | 5 | 3.32 | +1.68 |
| At Mister Kelly's | 5 | 3.38 | +1.62 |
| Layla And Other Assorted Love Songs | 5 | 3.39 | +1.61 |
| 2112 | 5 | 3.39 | +1.61 |
You Love Less Than Most
Albums you rated lower than global average
| Album | You | Global | Diff |
|---|---|---|---|
| (What's The Story) Morning Glory | 1 | 3.84 | -2.84 |
| Graceland | 1 | 3.74 | -2.74 |
| The Joshua Tree | 1 | 3.67 | -2.67 |
| Funeral | 1 | 3.57 | -2.57 |
| Blood Sugar Sex Magik | 1 | 3.51 | -2.51 |
| The Suburbs | 1 | 3.5 | -2.5 |
| Reggatta De Blanc | 1 | 3.45 | -2.45 |
| Frank | 1 | 3.45 | -2.45 |
| Hail To the Thief | 1 | 3.44 | -2.44 |
| A Rush Of Blood To The Head | 1 | 3.44 | -2.44 |
Artist Analysis
Favorite Artists
Artists with 2+ albums
| Artist | Albums | Average |
|---|---|---|
| Steely Dan | 3 | 4.67 |
| Pink Floyd | 3 | 4.67 |
Least Favorite Artists
Artists with 2+ albums
| Artist | Albums | Average |
|---|---|---|
| The Police | 2 | 1 |
| Arcade Fire | 2 | 1 |
| Supergrass | 2 | 1.5 |
| Amy Winehouse | 2 | 1.5 |
| The Flaming Lips | 2 | 1.5 |
| Radiohead | 4 | 2 |
| Elvis Costello & The Attractions | 3 | 2 |
Controversial Artists
Artists you rate inconsistently
| Artist | Ratings |
|---|---|
| Leonard Cohen | 1, 4 |
| The White Stripes | 5, 2 |
| The Smiths | 4, 3, 1 |
5-Star Albums (42)
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Popular Reviews
The Everly Brothers
1/5
Is your favourite meal dry white toast?
Do you wash it down with lukewarm tap water?
Do you only have sex in the missionary position solely for the purpose of procreation?
Well THIS is the album for you!
Painfully bland music in a genre that’s been done better even by the contemporaries of this group. Why is this a must listen? These guys can’t be that influential as I’ve literally never heard of them before. This is just boring sixties white people radio pop.
4 likes
Eagles
3/5
Recipe for a successful rock band
Ingredients:
Broad range of harmonies
Extremely competent instrumentals
Much less well known female musician
Eye watering ticket prices
Handful of disputes with recording label
5 or so of the biggest cunts to ever live
2 prostitutes (Age to taste)
Method:
Combine above ingredients starting with the woman no one knows or cares about, take her out once you’ve got the cunts in. Get really greedy with those ticket prices but make sure you add the royalties in equally with the cunts or the whole thing might fall apart prematurely. Toss in everything else as you go and don’t worry too much about overall quality, as long as each slice ends up with a few hits that people will remember. Season with prostitutes but make sure you check they’re old enough otherwise you may permanently tarnish the legacy of part of the recipe. The whole thing should disintegrate in the oven after about 5 minutes but don’t worry, fan it with an overdue tax bill and it should miraculously reform.
1 likes
Leonard Cohen
1/5
This was a real slog to get through man holy shit what a boring fucking album. This guy seriously sounds like he has had too much sleepytime tea and he’s dozing off as he’s singing his gay little poetry. I sorta drifted through this until I heard a track that made my ears perk up and I was like damn! This one is kinda good but it sounds really different. Looked at my phone and Spotify had auto played a Beatles track. Overall I’m sure this album has some sort of musical merit but I have untreated ADHD so I fucking hated it.
1 likes
Supergrass
2/5
Rightio chaps we’ve just about finished our 1990s Britpop album of songs that sound borderline identical, I think somethings missing though… Any ideas?
How about a couple of slower acoustic tracks to show off our year 11 guitar class instrumental chops?
Great idea Gaz! Studio says we need one more track though.
How about one where we put a weird pitch up on the vocal track so we sound like pubescent Alvin and the chipmunks?
Oh that’s a cracker idea Mick! That’s a wrap on this one fellas, pass the ketamine
1 likes
1-Star Albums (39)
All Ratings
Van Halen
3/5
I have heard jump too many god damn times man for real the sound of that synth makes me feel like I’m at the Somme.
Panama was used as psychological warfare for a reason. Another song I would enjoy much more if I hadn’t heard it eighty billion times.
This album is the sex offenders anthem. Hot for teacher is the best song on this album if you just don’t pay any attention to the lyrics.
Never heard I’ll wait but it was a refreshing intermission before a return to sex offender anthems.
Guitar work is pretty good but if you’re listening to this album 40 years after it’s come out it’s hardly gonna be revolutionary compared to things you’ve been listening to all your life. Probably goes way harder in 1984 when the sickest riff you’ve ever heard is something those hacks from kiss put out and the idea of consent was a lot more loosely defined.
Michael Jackson
5/5
Groovy ass opening beat. There’s just something inherently fruity about Michael’s vocals. Sounds like he’s saying you’re a vegetable. Guitar solo in wanna be starting something goes crazy. What is with the hee hee shit he always does I’ve never understood it. Maybe child abuse is justified if it produces singers like Michael. Baby be mine is such a floaty little pop tune. Paul McCartney feature hit me like a freight train what da heck. This shit must have blown up the charts. Tfw little Michael steals your gf….
First certified banger arrives. Pretty ballsy to just make a song about ghouls and jam it in the middle of your album full of standard pop fare. I was not aware beat it was from the same album as thriller man MJ was fucking cooking on this one. The guitar on this track shreds but I can’t stop thinking about the weird al version of this song. Holy shit 3 bangers in a row!!!! Back to sex music I suppose. Thank you Michael. PYT slaps I think this is my favourite track on this album. So groovy. There’s gotta be a pedophile joke in here somewhere. Man that was a good ass album, not a single dud track. No one that makes music that good could possibly diddle kids. Maybe Michael should have made a song about how he doesn’t diddle kids. Thank you Joe Jackson for beating talent out of this child!!
Steely Dan
5/5
For the longest time I thought he said man who stole your wallet. This is real smoking inside the house on a leather couch music. The guitar work in do it again is so fucking TIGHT man god damn. I have spent so much time drunkenly singing this. Really humanises tony soprano. Possibly one of the best songs about cucking somebody. The other side of the coin to mister bright side.
I think this is the most underrated song on the album and my personal favourite. Really big fan of the vocal harmonies on this one. Another drunken classic.
Midnite cruiser aka the drunk driving song. Many lamp posts narrowly missed trying to light a cigarette while driving around with the headlights off to this song. Instrumentally every song on this album is perfect.
Must acquire white stetson hat….
Reelin in the years is the first steely Dan song I ever heard and it really embodies the general vibe of their music as dadcore midlife crisis music which is wild considering this album came out when my own dad was maybe 9.
Fire in the hole is the worst song on this album and it’s still serviceable as a track which really demonstrates how fucking good this album is.
Now is he talking about Brooklyn the location or Brooklyn being the name of a person.
Overall good ass album and anthem of scumbags everywhere. Just personal preference but it’s a little front loaded with bangers
Marty Robbins
4/5
Patrolling the Mojave really makes you wish for a nuclear winter…
Big Iron is an absolute masterclass of western musical storytelling. Beautiful harmonies. Really wish this song hadn’t been memed to death.
Songs that are completely unrelatable to the post GFC listener. Wish I had 160 acres in any valley. Just a comfy little tune about livin a simple life. Truly love this track.
Old timey country musicians really sang about their impending execution a lot.
This album really has some beautiful vocal harmonies.
Huge fan of Strawberry Roan. Worlds most retarded horse easily defeats alleged master horse breaker. Paints a really good picture in this song of this janky as fuck old bastard horse. Just lovely storytelling.
Masters Call is another fantastic ballad massive fan of this biblical fuck you for being an evil bandit. On the flip side it’s really funny to think of Jesus Christ just exploding cattle with lightning.
Running gun is a real jaunty break from the slower paced songs that make up most of this album. Jumpy little guitar tune.
Saddle tramp another classic banger.
El Paso is a fantastic track. First heard it on cassette or something on this big fuck off stereo my uncle had at my grandparents house when I was like 8. This is one of my favourite country albums for sure. Most of the songs are short and sharp and don’t hang around too long. Nice little stories, there are a few tracks that are a bit forgettable but for the most part it’s a classic.
The Police
1/5
This is the only song I’ve heard on this album. Such a classic. I may have heard it a touch too many times but it’s got such a catchy hook.
Reggatta de Blanc itself sounds like a retarded man having sex for the first time. What are these vocals. Good ass instrumental though.
Bring on the night just kind of a meh song. Don’t really like stings voice that much. Also not a really huge fan of the sound of the guitar generally. It’s well played i just think I don’t really like the effect.
After this point I sorta got bored of the album. It’s not really bad music it’s just boring as fuck. The police always sort of were a band I never really understood why people liked so much. Like they have their real standout bangers like message in a bottle, Roxanne etc that were the big hits but this album is sort of a “eh” aside that. I listened to this again to try and see if I just wasn’t in the right mentality but I just couldn’t get into it and think I actually disliked it more on a second listen. It’s just boring. I don’t think the average person could name a single song on this album besides message in a bottle. No time at all sorta revives the tail end with a nice up tempo sorta classic rock track but the vocals have this weird effect on them that I fucking hate and it also has the classic trope of not knowing how to finish a song so just fading out. I looked back and the song is called no time this time so shows how memorable it is that I got the name wrong 3 seconds after I listened to it. ACAB Includes sting. Have a less gay haircut.
Arctic Monkeys
2/5
All the tracks on this album have obnoxiously long names. I bet the guy who wrote this album LOVES the smell of his own farts.
First track was ok I guess. Nothing special.
Second song has a lovely opening riff.
I've sorta tuned out the lyrics a bit due to a natural audio filter for British accents but whenever I tune back in I hear the gayest lyrics man.
I enjoy the song "When the sun goes down" but other than that I really have no strong feelings about this album one way or another. It's just ok. I enjoy the instrumentation but it's balanced by having lyrics that sound like they were written by a teenage who thinks wearing a leather coat to school is cool. Only like two memorable tracks for me.
Leonard Cohen
1/5
This was a real slog to get through man holy shit what a boring fucking album. This guy seriously sounds like he has had too much sleepytime tea and he’s dozing off as he’s singing his gay little poetry. I sorta drifted through this until I heard a track that made my ears perk up and I was like damn! This one is kinda good but it sounds really different. Looked at my phone and Spotify had auto played a Beatles track. Overall I’m sure this album has some sort of musical merit but I have untreated ADHD so I fucking hated it.
The Allman Brothers Band
3/5
You know I really don’t have much to say about the individual songs on this album as they kinda just blended together like it was one big jam sesh. I’m not usually a fan of live albums especially from this era just because the audio quality is usually dog ass terrible but this one was pretty damn good. Whipping post sorta stuck in my head a bit more but that might just be cause it was the last track. It’s just good blues, good instrumentation, but like a lot of these older albums they’re fundamentally different listened to with a brain full of micro plastics off an iPhone, compared to if they had been listened to on a hifi system with a fucked needle with a brain full of lead byproducts and LSD. Nothing I’d go out of my way to listen to but good music nonetheless.
Bon Jovi
4/5
YEA BABY BACK TO SEX OFFENDER MUSIC!!! IVE WAITED TOO LONG!!!
Never listened to anything beyond Bon Jovi’s hits - his non hit music is the same shit really, just less catchy hooks to the same overdriven power chords and basic but groovy basslines.
Gotta say let it rock got my feet tapping. The lyrics may as well be absent except for the element having a vocal track adds to the song. Creative complexity of finger painting. Really just music for fucking to. Man cunts in the 80s just did not know how to end songs. Just do a hard stop instead of fading out like a coward for real. We’re on the first hit now. More songs about fucking, an age old classic. You give love a bad name is obviously a hit and I’ve heard it so many times from a makita site radio being back announced by Dave and fucko before more chat about FOOTY. Fading out again like a coward for real man one of these songs needs to have an actual ending.
This album is a bit of a hits album I was not aware livin on a prayer was on this too. Hearing this gives me flashbacks to drinking a lukewarm ice coffee on a concrete slab at some sort of industrial facility while some retarded tradesman talks about how much he hates paying tax. I really like the bassline in livin in a prayer. It’s so damn groovy. Bring back fucked up overdrive guitars. A relic of the 80s that has sadly gone out of fashion along with CFC hairspray and lead paint.
So this song literally starts with sex noises. Random brass section kinda helps. I really can’t say anything bad about this music man. It might be music for fucking retards but I am proudly retarded.
See they actually ended love is a social disease properly. No more fade outs.
I am envisioning scooby doo 2 motorcycle jousting as soon as I hear that guitar sting. It permeates my brain like so much black mould.
Raise your hands was eh. Without love slightly better. I feel like we’re getting into filler territory. Okay so Jon Bon Jovi was 24 in 1986 so this motherfucker is singing about prom 6 years after he would have graduated what a fuckin dork lmao. MFs at UQ talking about what OP they got in 4th year. Overall this album has some fuckin heaters, and some songs that could generously be described as filler. I liked this album, music by retards, for retards.
Dexys Midnight Runners
1/5
Why is this literal one hit wonder band included on a list of 1001 albums you MUST listen to? Is it for contrast, so that there are some lows to balance the highs against?
This is the auditory equivalent of porridge made with water and nothing else.
It really is damning that 3/5 of the top listened to tracks from Dexy’s Midnight Runners are just variations of “Come on Eileen”, a song that itself is just “okay”.
I was already begging for this to be over by the third song so I could go and listen to literally anything else.
The brass sections make me think I’m listening to ska music, but at least ska has that weird manic energy going on while the guys in cheap suits do weird dance moves. This is just slow, boring, and the lead singer sounds like he has a traumatic brain injury. It’s like a guy with Down’s syndrome trying to imitate Bryan Ferry.
I just cannot imagine any scenario where I would go out of my way to listen to this.
Beck
4/5
Originally I thought that Beck was a character made up for that one Futurama episode where Bender becomes a folk musician.
I really enjoyed this album. I don’t think there’s much on there that I can single out. I’ve listened to the album like 4 times since it came up for review and each time I’ve been doing something else while I’ve been listening so I’ve not really noted the names of the particular songs. There’s a lot of variety here and in a good way. The song blend together to give it cohesion as an album but they’re all fairly different in their own ways. E-Pro and Girl were the big standouts for me and have been absolute earworms. Straight into the liked playlist when I heard them.
Had a really weird moment discussing this album on Friday night and hearing a song playing on the bar speakers which coincidentally was also a Beck song which I found out after asking the bartender. I liked this album.
Aretha Franklin
5/5
If every white boy was forced to listen to this album racism would not exist.
I have been walking around the house singing these certified ear worms all day.
There are no bad songs on this album.
I swear allegiance to Aretha Franklin. Let any who besmirch the name of the Queen of Soul (PBUH) suffer before my blade!
Love
3/5
I’d never heard of this band before this, I really enjoy this first track. Reminds me of something I can’t quite place but I know I quite like. Really enjoy where they get a bit flamenco with it. Sort of has a bit of a Jethro Tull with less flutes sound. Quite enjoy the guitar on andmoreagain. I get it now, it sounds like King Crimson. Very similar tones. Some of the guitar on this album is a real treat. This is good music but it sorta wears out it’s welcome for me a bit closer to the end. Not bad is what I’d say.
Sonic Youth
1/5
Is this deliberately trying to sound like shit? Whoever mixed and mastered this album should be shot behind a woodshed. Some tracks on this are genuinely hard to listen to. Like there are some actual glimmers of good riffs and stuff in here but they’re deafening while the vocals are tuned so low it sounds like they’re in the next room singing through the wall. I actually thought my headphones were broken on a couple of these tracks because I had gotten one of the EarPods wet the other day, but I listened to something else when the album was done and it sounded fine so I guess the album just sounds like that.
Animal Collective
4/5
Why the fuck this adventure time background soundtrack ass music got me cryin in the club
The Smiths
4/5
I genuinely resent that I enjoyed this album.
I hate the smiths, morrisey is such an insufferable fuckwit. The lyrical content of these songs is absolute dog ass garbage. I really wanted to be vindicated and for this album to be fucking terrible.
However, it would be totally disingenuous of me to review this poorly. Musically, this is fantastic. Phenomenally composed music. Morrissey’s singing voice honestly isn’t even that bad. I just tuned out what he was saying (gay faggot retard incel poetry dumbass garbage) and just vibes with the actual music.
The only times I didn’t enjoy this album is when I briefly became aware of what he was actually saying and got the same feeling you do when you are halfway through eating something and notice it’s mouldy.
Michael Jackson
3/5
I was very excited for another BANGER from little Michael but I can’t help but feel a bit disappointed with this one after hearing thriller first. The highs of this one like Bad, Way you make me feel, and smooth criminal still stick out as absolute slappers, but some of the tracks that fill out this album range from forgettable to bad, with the highlight of what the fuck is this being “Liberian Girl”, or as I like to call it, “How to contract new and interesting diseases”.
It would be interesting to plot how insane Michael was, and how fucked up he looked against the quality of his albums. Should have stopped with the surgeries after thriller.
Cypress Hill
2/5
You wake up to the warm afternoon glow of the California sun streaming through the fucked up venetian blinds of your filthy green waste smelling apartment. You look at the clock, it’s 3pm.
“Dios mio” you say as you look at the stain on your carpet. You’ve knocked your bong over in your sleep and the rancid water is currently seeping into your carpet. You grab the lukewarm half drunk forty ounce of malt liquor from your nightstand, take a swig, and shoo the flies away from the room temperature white castle that’s been sitting on your coffee table all night. Need that fuel before you go to the studio. You drive downtown in your extremely modified continental, the most expensive thing you own by a huge margin, and get into the studio, you spit out a chunk of black mucus and prep your nasally voice for a hard day of recording, but first you flip a coin, today will I rap about smoking weed, or killing people? You spend ten minutes in the studio saying the n word way more than someone of your complexion should be. You sink into some sort of bean bag chair. What a hard days work, time for a cone.
This album is cypress hills worst. They have good beats but the songs are nigh indistinguishable from each other. The rage version of I could just kill a man is better. This album goes on for too long.
John Lee Hooker
3/5
I wonder why this was chosen from all of John Lee Hookers fairly prolific discography. I can’t really identify any of the tracks on this one as being big hits. Some really big names featuring here. Very surprised to see Carlos Santana on the opening track.
This album doesn’t have any bad songs per say, just none that really stand out for me. I would have enjoyed this album more if I was drunk as fuck in a dark, dirty dive bar where you can smoke inside.
The Everly Brothers
1/5
Is your favourite meal dry white toast?
Do you wash it down with lukewarm tap water?
Do you only have sex in the missionary position solely for the purpose of procreation?
Well THIS is the album for you!
Painfully bland music in a genre that’s been done better even by the contemporaries of this group. Why is this a must listen? These guys can’t be that influential as I’ve literally never heard of them before. This is just boring sixties white people radio pop.
Beastie Boys
4/5
An interesting treatise from professors emeritus Dr. Michael D. Phd., Dr. ADROCK Phd., and Dr. MCA Md., which asks such thought provoking questions as: which ethnicity of woman in New York is the baddest, What would happen if I threw eggs through the windows of passing cars, and perhaps the most novel question of all, is it possible to sound any more Jewish?
Radiohead
2/5
What a drag this album was. There are the inklings of good ambient music here. I can’t really positively review Merriweather post pavilion and then say I hated this, because they have sort of a similar feeling. Again like weird adventure time sad moment background music. But Tom Yorke has such a mewling annoying voice on this album and 90% of the time he sounds like he’s trying to sing while sucking off megatron. I liked optimistic.
The Good, The Bad & The Queen
3/5
Half these tracks are one MF DOOM feature away from being on demon days.
When I saw this is a Damon Albarn side project I immediately assumed it would be forty minutes of the sounds of an Englishman wanking into his own mouth, however, I quite enjoyed this album. It really just feels like titular album/demon days era Gorillaz b sides that sneak into the slow part at the end of the album after the jaunty hits are out of the way.
Vocals are pretty good and the instrumental work was pretty great.
Overall this is a bit of a homebrand gorillaz but I enjoyed it. It’s another puzzler of “Why is this album on this list?” Because while it’s a good listen I’ve never heard of it before and I don’t really know anyone else who probably would have. This is a high 3 for me. Nearly scraped into 4 by a hair but I don’t know that I’d really go back to many of these tracks.
Tom Waits
4/5
One hour and thirteen minutes of Tom Waits doing his best impression of a sleazy nightclub piano man.
I can see why some people would REALLY hate this album because it basically sounds like 73 minutes of drunken rambling over a bluesy jazz band and piped in audience noises.
HOWEVER
I massively enjoyed listening to this album. The whole time I was just wishing I was in some dimly lit club where you can smoke indoors, plastered on cheap whiskey with several women who are definitely on amphetamines (diet pills).
I have a bad habit of sort of tuning out what’s actually being said in music a lot of the time and more focus on the sound and rhythm of the vocals over the lyrical content, and I enjoy Tom Waits gravelly voice crooning along to that smooth ass instrumental. When I did tune into the vocals they were kinda funny. My bitch wife type content.
In summary if I were Tom Waits I would have named all my albums things like “for the bus” so the album read Tom Waits for the bus.
The La's
2/5
Every second day with this list I find myself asking: why this album? What about THIS specific album is soooo special that it went on the 1001 MUST LISTENS?
Like it’s not terrible music, but I just can’t imagine anyone going out of their way to listen to this. It’s just a nothing record. I feel like I have nothing to say about it really. The only impression it left was of something that would be jammed between midnight oil and REM on a triple M midday bracket. It’s like if you asked ai to make safe radio rock. I just know there’s some Gen X loser who thinks this is the best album of all time which makes me sick.
I stress again this isn’t bad or unlistenable. It’s just background noise. It’s on the radio in a shoe store when you’re buying new joggers for school.
The only reason I’m not giving this album a 1 for basically being uninteresting white noise is because I did pick up my phone to see what song was on when Clean Prophet came on.
The biggest crime here is this absolute non event taking up a slot that could have been filled by something more interesting.
Curtis Mayfield
3/5
Fat white boys form Logan upon listening to this album:
https://youtu.be/7few4tKonWw?si=yunPj-mXZ5yyw3r6
Deep Purple
4/5
I was real ambivalent going into this one as my main knowledge of Deep Purple is as baby’s first guitar lesson of having to play Smoke on the Water for 38 straight music lessons cause my class was full of retards who didn’t pay attention and just fucked around while the teacher cried in the corner, and we therefore never progressed to anything more complicated (I was also fucking around).
I am however immediately greeted by goated track Highway star (what plays in a truckies head when the goey hits on the Rockhampton to Brisbane run). Very nice frenetic pace, groovy tune, no one ever listened to deep purple for the vocals but I don’t mind em.
Maybe I’m a Leo, or things to say when the chick you were talking to didn’t like the first star sign you said. Going into this track the drums were very forward. Really enjoy them, nice little walking riff. I really have never listened to much of Deep Purple. Probably should have.
This is a much bluesier track. Not enough bands have a keyboard going on these days. Or maybe too many.
Very odd tonal shift to pictures of home which I can only assume is about freezing to death on a mountain? Maybe I’m hearing the lyrics wrong. Pretty groovy track though.
Kinda snoozing in never before. More of the same competent rock nothin special. Having said that though this coming out in 1972 the way they have the guitars tuned up etc is obviously such a massive influence on the next 20 odd years of rock this was probably still a hit at the time.
And now the main event of songs with very recognisable riffs that I’ve heard far too many times to enjoy properly. I can’t hear that riff without thinking of year 8 music fuckwits using the schools cheap guitar strings to flick rulers and pencils and shit across the room like a bow and arrow. Honestly wish this wasn’t the big deep purple song cause even on this album they have better tracks.
Speaking of better tracks the keyboard on the intro to Lazy is an immediate highlight for this album. Head moving feet jumping immediately. This one is going straight to the pool room (liked songs list). This songs lyrical content is how I’m trying to be. Love a good blues breakdown finish on a track (heroes actually finish songs instead of fading out like a coward).
Last couple of tracks are probably on the weaker side. Didn’t really spark any sort of interest but I like the vibe of space truckin
Good album
The Charlatans
1/5
The entire time I was listening to this I had two major distractions. The first is the ridiculous way the keyboard player died, which I kept thinking of throughout, the second is the guy on the left of the album cover. He is menacing. He looks like he is about to mug me at a train station. Has the FASD stare.
I didn’t like this. I don’t like Britpop. I gave up halfway through the album midway through the chore of a track that was you’re a big girl now. I was going to just mark this as did not listen, but I went back and listened to the tail end of the album. I’m sure you can consider this technically competent music but I do not like it. It is boring. I do not like the vocals. It is discount oasis. I am baffled why this is a MUST LISTEN. Please just let the next album be something I’m surprised by. I don’t even have to like it just make it interesting. So many random nothingburger slogs.
3/5
Bob Dylan is one of those musicians who I’ve never understood why they were ever popular.
He sounds like an antisemitic stereotype. I was surprised their were no songs written about his allergies or overbearing mother.
I went into this thinking I’d give it a shot and I might find some way to enjoy an element of it. Nope. Shitty ass folk music for lead paint eating retards. I stopped listening after the second track and I’m not going back to listen again. It would only be a 1 so I’ll spare the group average by just marking this did not listen.
Bob Dylan should have been on that plane instead of Jim Croce.
REVISION:
I went back to this album after extensive psychiatric intervention and also several recommendations that the second disc is good. I stand by side one being utter horseshit low quality poorly mixed garbage, however I will say the second side is quite good once the fella gets electric.
Throbbing Gristle
1/5
who up throbbing they gristle
Supergrass
2/5
Rightio chaps we’ve just about finished our 1990s Britpop album of songs that sound borderline identical, I think somethings missing though… Any ideas?
How about a couple of slower acoustic tracks to show off our year 11 guitar class instrumental chops?
Great idea Gaz! Studio says we need one more track though.
How about one where we put a weird pitch up on the vocal track so we sound like pubescent Alvin and the chipmunks?
Oh that’s a cracker idea Mick! That’s a wrap on this one fellas, pass the ketamine
Stan Getz
5/5
The worst thing about this album is that it’s over so soon.
If you described this as waiting room music or elevator music then sure boss’s nova is pretty subdued, but I wish they’d actually play it in waiting rooms because this album just flies past. You start listening then you look down and it’s been 40 minutes.
A balm to my Britpop damaged ears.
Shack
1/5
How I feel being FORCED to listen to yet MORE mediocre BRIT SLOP:
https://youtu.be/j_nuOyxMrMQ?si=kxYujBtkB1_HQT_E
REVISION:
It seems I was right to skip this album the first time.
I dove to the wreck of the HMS fable and all I got was a waste of 47 minutes and the bends.
Johnny Cash
5/5
I’ve listened to both the deluxe and standard versions of this album. What a phenomenal set.
My favourite part of this album is where he sings a song shit talking San Quentin and the crowd goes nuts and demands he sing it again.
Johnny Cash possibly one of the best to ever do it. The crowd work is insanely good both from Johnny and from the other musicians involved in this set. Special mention to June Carter riling the inmates up.
Sabu
3/5
I don’t have much to say about this. It’s great music but it doesn’t really strike me as above and beyond anything else I’ve heard in the genre. I’d say this is another inclusion of albums that inspired genres that have since been outdone by those that came after them. Sorta made me think of what would be on the radio in some South American tiki bar before the CIA get in a gunfight with the local security forces.
OutKast
3/5
This is a competent album that is 100% carried by its hits. Obviously interludes aside most of these tracks are at best filler, and at worst fucking awful garbage. And by that I mean the song “I’ll call B4 I cum” which I want to scrub from my brain with a sandblaster. A true piece of shit.
Anyway there are 4 GREAT Tracks in an hour and thirteen minutes.
What an odd name for an album.
Amy Winehouse
2/5
If Amy Winehouse could hold her liquor she would have faded into obscurity long ago.
The Dictators
3/5
The sound here does exactly what it says in the Spotify artist description. Clearly influential to a lot of punk acts but kind of hit or miss, fortunately the misses were okay rather than bad. The riffs on next big thing were real fun and the writing is silly and fun throughout. Cars and Girls was the worst song on the album because while I can only assume it’s a parody of Beach Boy—esque music it still sounds like the Beach boys.
Coldcut
4/5
These tracks probably went so crazy while you were K-holing in the bathroom of some scungy Brixton rave in 1990.
Music can be a nice time capsule for an era, but electronic music especially does this in how delineated sounds and trends are between different sub genres and movements. You hear this shit and you think 90s British house.
I listened to a few tracks from these guys on Spotify before listening to the whole non cleared sample album on YouTube and even without having heard anything from this specific artist the influence these guys have had on their genre is absolutely immense. That rave piano sound is so iconic to dance house around this era of music that you could pick any song adjacent to this era and you’d hear something trying to follow that sound trend.
This isn’t my favourite type of EDM but man if I didn’t appreciate this, it felt like listening to a history lesson, and while a lot of these “influential at the time” albums don’t really age well compared to modern fare this one really holds up.
Special mention to “Stop this Crazy thing” definite contender for favourite track on this album.
Sparks
2/5
The blokes who made this album look like they eat human flesh. I couldn’t quite place their ethnicity either even though they look kind of white. I’ll need to research their genealogy to find the appropriate slurs to call them…
I know I’m not enjoying an album when I’m constantly checking to see how far through I am. I had reasonably high hopes after the first track but the album took a nosedive in the category of being interesting after that. This album feels like if you told an ai to generate an album that sounds like the 80s. I did not care for it.
Kanye West
4/5
Gay-Z and cockefeller records never imagined when they signed Kanye just how schizophrenic he would become.
A real time display of the failures of the American mental health system. Thank you Ronald Reagan for closing all the insane asylums, without you Kanye would have been safely locked away in some inpatient facility and never let anywhere near a recording booth.
I have no particularly strong feelings about this album other than it’s just good music. No one song jumped out at me as a stand out hit but maybe I just wasn’t listening properly.
The one detriment to this album in my view is the 12 minute rambling story about something that happened when Kanye was working at Best & Less, which is odd considering I didn’t think that franchise existed in America?
The Band
3/5
https://youtu.be/CxK_nA2iVXw?si=IiwJJCM_D27wbqh9
The Cars
3/5
I get the feeling I will be repeating myself a lot in doing these reviews. So many of these albums are inoffensive music, usually erring on the side of good rather than bad even though they mostly don’t suit my tastes, I just can’t work out why they make a list of influential albums over so many other things that were excluded.
The Cars, as far as I’m concerned, are a reasonably competent pop-rock outfit from the time period where reasonably popular pop-rock outfits slayed pussy, but realistically what is the influence this album has had? Really just a one hit wonder with “Just What I Needed” which is a really catchy great track. The rest of the album though is just there. Nothing really attention grabbing.
Maybe I’m looking at these things wrong. It could be that these guys were the first to bring the synth sound into mainstream rock that was so prevalent through the 80s. I just don’t see the importance here.
Overall not a bad album. I don’t think I’d go out of my way to listen to it again aside from the hit, which I had already heard.
The Flaming Lips
1/5
Soft cock music critics wanking their shit raw to this probably.
I know I’m not enjoying an album on this list if I’m constantly checking to see how much time it has left. This album is unique in this aspect as it appears to have some sort of eldritch metaphysical quality where time slows to glacial pace, as this was one of the longest 58 minutes I have experienced.
There is no circumstance where I would go out of my way to listen to this.
It took three attempts to get through it.
I thought about why it grated me so much and I think 98% of it is the vocals. They are terrible. Of the 2% it would be the instrumental moments that just sound disjointed and nonsensical, and not in an interesting way, more like a kid playing with the default settings on a cheap Casio keyboard.
The redeeming factor is that outside these parts the instrumentals are okay. The album probably would be at least a 3 without the vocal track.
Special mention here of something that I couldn’t get out of my head is go to 1:17 in “A spoonful weighs a tonne”. There is a sound that reminds me of the first noise that plays in the looney tunes intro.
Travis
2/5
It least it has a unique sound compared to the other britslop on this godforsaken list. I would never go out of my way to listen to this.
The last song on this album is too long and nearly sent me to my grave.
Neil Young
3/5
There is no need for there to be seven Neil Young albums on this list.
Have you heard one Neil Young song?
Okay, you’ve heard every Neil Young song.
The band is good. The lyricism is good. Neil Young’s voice is annoying as fuck.
Soundgarden
4/5
The thing I most appreciate in a hard rock/metal album is actually having a groove, which this album has in spades. The instrumentation here I fantastic, groovy riffs and driving drum beats.
Chris Cornell’s vocals are pretty great I just wish he’d sing about something less depressing. I wonder whatever happened to that guy.
The downside to this album is that it’s extremely long. I checked in around Spoonman thinking the album must be over and Spotify just started an artist radio for Soundgarden or Audioslave. Nope, album is only halfway done. Could probably slice a few tracks off this and it would be a flat improvement even though I wouldn’t say any of them are particularly bad except Fourth of July.
The Stooges
2/5
This music is not good enough to get away with fucking thirteen year olds.
Bee Gees
2/5
The Brothers Gibb giving us absolute generic Beatles clone soft rock music. It's serviceable, but you can see why no one knows anything outside the Bee Gees disco era. Not great, not terrible. Generic and forgettable. Give us a disco record next time thanks.
Peter Gabriel
3/5
Is Peter Gabriel evil Phil Collins or is Phil Collins evil Peter Gabriel?
Based on appearance one would think that it is the former, but upon reading the personal life and political views section of either artist on Wikipedia, it’s pretty clear that it’s the latter.
I did not like the songs where there was a woman singing. Sledgehammer obviously most notable song here.
It was alright.
Elliott Smith
3/5
It wasn't for me.
Iron Maiden
4/5
Lacking a bit of the production polish of what Maiden would turn out later which isn't unexpected for a nobody English metal band in 1980 that probably recorded this on the budget of a pie and chips. I vastly prefer Bruce Dickinson's vocals to Paul Di'annos but that's not to say that the vocals still don't go hard as fuck. Lot more gravelly but still with that operatic quality that big brucey brought in later. The main thing that sticks out to me is just how strong Steve Harris' influence as basically writer and head honcho of this outfit is and how signature that galloping bassline and general rhythm just drives all their music along. Definitely not my favourite Iron Maiden album but fuck me is it good.
Khaled
3/5
What a nice photo for the album cover. This fellow looks like a nice family man who dearly loves his wife and children. I’m sure he treats them with all the love and affection he seems to put into his music. It’s funny I thought they spoke Flemish or German in Luxembourg, but this album sounds distinctly Arabic. Learn something new every day I guess.
Fugazi
2/5
This album asks such important questions as: What if punk music was really boring?
Otis Redding
4/5
There's only so many songs about heartbreak you can do before you start wondering whether you're the problem.
Bob Dylan
4/5
I take back what I said when we got the live album that Jew is alright.
I enjoyed this album a lot despite being an obnoxiously loud hater of Bob Dylan. His voice didn’t grate as much as it usually does on me probably turned down the highs on the mic so the “my allergies” tone didn’t cut as much. The band on this album is outstanding.
I particularly enjoyed Subterranean homesick blues, Maggie’s farm, and Bob Dylan’s 115th Dream.
Any slow tempo song about a woman was ass. Gates of Eden can suck me dry from behind via the fly of my jorts. What a piece of shit.
Anyway let this be a statement that sometimes I’m willing to be wrong about shit.
Yeah Yeah Yeahs
2/5
Hey that band that people only know because of the remix of one of their songs from a different album! Sure hope this isn’t boring indierock slop!
The Beach Boys
3/5
Influential, but utterly overrated and outdated. They play this for sundowning hospice patients to make them think they’re driving a car that runs on leaded gasoline to pick up their 14 year old “sweetheart”. The royalties the Beach Boys have received for the use of Wouldn’t it be nice in advertising has long since eclipsed the GDP of many African countries.
Bruce Springsteen
2/5
Like that one bit in ratatouille where he tastes the food and is immediately sent back to childhood, this entire album, which thematically and sonically is just one big long song, took me straight back to standing in some kind of sporting goods or camping supplies store with this music, or something like it in every way, softly played over the in store speakers while my dad got incandescently angry at a 16 year old casual shop attendant.
This sounds like the soundtrack to every mid 00’s drama that somehow involves a road trip. It sounds like what plays on the radio in specialty stores, and in some places, sounds like music that would be played in an ad for a family SUV.
I did NOT care for it.
Public Image Ltd.
1/5
Trepanation is a process in which a hole is drilled into the skull. Derived from the Greek word, τρύπανον, meaning “to bore” or “to auger”.
Bob Dylan
3/5
I did not like this as much as the other one. I think I must have just listened to dogshit recordings of this MF all my life cause he really ain’t that bad now I’m listening again. That loud ass harmonica is like having nails hit into your forehead though my god Bob you don’t have to blow so fucking hard
Eagles
3/5
Recipe for a successful rock band
Ingredients:
Broad range of harmonies
Extremely competent instrumentals
Much less well known female musician
Eye watering ticket prices
Handful of disputes with recording label
5 or so of the biggest cunts to ever live
2 prostitutes (Age to taste)
Method:
Combine above ingredients starting with the woman no one knows or cares about, take her out once you’ve got the cunts in. Get really greedy with those ticket prices but make sure you add the royalties in equally with the cunts or the whole thing might fall apart prematurely. Toss in everything else as you go and don’t worry too much about overall quality, as long as each slice ends up with a few hits that people will remember. Season with prostitutes but make sure you check they’re old enough otherwise you may permanently tarnish the legacy of part of the recipe. The whole thing should disintegrate in the oven after about 5 minutes but don’t worry, fan it with an overdue tax bill and it should miraculously reform.
The Strokes
3/5
The peak of “songs I’ve heard before somewhere else but don’t know the name”.
An album of very groovy, poppy rock music. I like it, but there’s not many I’d be tearing to go back to.
Famous for having an album cover you could have a pull to, except in the US where it was decided the general populace were too scared of pussy.
The Stone Roses
3/5
I will preface this by saying I vastly prefer "The Second Coming" as far as The Stone Roses are concerned.
This feels like the genetic precursor to the bastard deformed clones that emerged from the big vat labeled 1990's britpop. It has the same general vibe but its just better. It's funkier, the instrumentals are more interesting and varied, and even though the vocals don't really have a lot of variance they have a nice relaxed sound and are at minimum very distinct compared to the rest of what would follow.
I like it, I don't think it's their best work. I probably won't come back to anything specifically from this.
Nirvana
5/5
I really like the family guy bit where stewie goes back in time and stops kurt cobain killing himself by getting him into comfort eating, then travels back to the present and picks up a best of kurt cobain album where he's fat as fuck on the cover.
DJ Shadow
3/5
Lowfi chill hiphop beats to be disappointed/disinterested to (10 hours).
Kate Bush
4/5
Would.
2Pac
4/5
I was told this man was a bum rapist so I did a bit of research on the fella, his views, his activism, and the actual charges that he got slapped with and I have to conclude that he got got by the same federal COINTELPRO machine that got Fred Hampton (PBUH) and continues to slander other black activists like MLKjr with bogus accusations and witnesses that appear out of thin air. I just want to stress that this fellas accuser was introduced to him by an FBI informant. Tupac literally dindu nuffin.
Anyway that’s irrelevant to the actual album. I don’t really like this era of West Coast production and I don’t really care for his delivery and voice generally, but I can’t deny the lyricism on the majority of these tracks. I can’t rate this one poorly on personal preference, it’s objectively good.
Buck Owens
4/5
American Country music can be broadly divided into three categories:
1. My sweetheart ran off with another man, I’m flat broke, and my dog died.
2. I am on amphetamines and have a gun. Also my heart is broken.
3. I will personally suckle the penis of every US serviceman. Also I own a truck.
Category 3 is some of the worst dogshit ever put to record so it can be disregarded.
Category 2 is probably what a lot of people would associate with country music.
This is category 1. Everything a country artist recorded in the United States between probably 1900 and 1965 that wasn’t folk or bluegrass is this, all these guys are ready to throw themselves in a river, their shoes are worn out at the heel, they’ve got holes in their pockets, and their lady love threw the engagement ring off a cliff.
Buck Owens may be one of the best to ever do it like this. I didn’t recognise him from name and picture but I think I’ve heard every single track on this record at some point in my childhood. Act naturally was on some country compilation CD we had that probably got played so much it fell apart. I love this shit.
Mudhoney
2/5
This sounds like your mates band who asks you to come to their show at some local venue and when you get there the place smells like shit and there are people actively doing nangs in the crowd. Profoundly generic music that I could not pick out of a lineup of any number of other low effort grungepunk slop.
The Pogues
3/5
As a high a three can go without being a 4. I really enjoyed this, but there were definitely a few tracks that were not my speed namely anything that mentions Christmas, which triggers my fight or flight reflex. What a present surprise to have Dubliners features on this. And I’d just like to say there is no way the lead singer of the Pogues is still alive.
Eagles
4/5
Better than their titular album and front loaded as a nursing Khazar mother. This is music you listen to while drunk and probably also indulging in a borrowed cigarette.
The Cardigans
4/5
Like most people I only know the song “Lovefool” and I absolutely did not know the artist who performed it. This band definitely strikes me commercially as one hit wonders if they didn’t really have the mainstream legacy or longevity as an act, so I went into this assuming it was gonna be full of forgettable stinkers I would slog through never listen to again but I have to say this was a strong collection of songs that also have remarkable consistency as an album that most pop artists absolutely do not have. Just about every song here can stand on its own merits as a track beyond just the big singles. Instrumentally groovy and definitely projects the 90s low cut jeans type sound. The lead singers voice is pure sugar.
My personal favourite track on this album was Losers, and my least favourite was that weird cover of Iron Man.
This is the type of pleasant surprise listen to an artist I would never seek out otherwise that I wish this shitty list would give me more of rather than a 6th and 7th Bob Dylan album.
The Doors
2/5
More like L.AY down(for a nap) by the Snores
Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds
3/5
Nick Cave is a real odd looking bloke. The prototype Australian goth who I’m astounded has not played Frankenstein monster or some other sort of baghoul before. I really enjoyed the opening track but my interest tapered off as the album progressed. Not for me but nonetheless competent music.
Queen
4/5
Low band of 4. I absolutely love Queen but this one is absolutely not their best. Starts very strong with the albums two hits, Brighton Rock and the phenomenal Killer Queen. Tenement Funster then segueing into a bit of a medley until lap of the gods which I think is definitely one of the weaker tracks. Stone Cold Crazy brings it right back up to speed as a third hit from this one but the rest of the album from here is fairly well a non event. I will say that I really enjoyed Bring Back That Leroy Brown - bit of a silly one.
The usual fantastic instrumentation and harmonies you’ll find on just about every Queen record, this just isn’t their best material for the most part, but hey who am I to talk, my favourite Queen album is the Flash Gordon soundtrack.
Prince
2/5
29:16 of filler and 14:35 of hits. I’ve never listened to Prince before aside the obvious hits and any Dave Chapelle bits. I was throughly disappointed with the rest of this album it was a drag to sit through, I don’t think a single additional track stood out to me or was particularly catchy. Meh record.
Wu-Tang Clan
5/5
There is not a wasted second on this banger of a record. Every single track and interlude goes hard as fuck and is such a crazy contrast to the west coast sound it was contemporary with.
Insane debut.
The Youngbloods
4/5
What a pleasant listen. Never heard of these fellas and I can’t say I have any glaring criticisms. I would say my only issue was that I don’t think anything massively jumped out to me on this album but it was enjoyable nonetheless as an album.
Badly Drawn Boy
3/5
Instrumentally interesting music with boring vocals that do absolutely nothing for me personally. Perhaps I would have more to say about this if I liked this genre, but this album for all its instrumental merit just made my eyes glaze over for the hour. I won’t knock the actual quality though.
The Police
1/5
The Police are an overrated hits band fronted by a prominent example of why you shouldn’t let the bassist sing.
I do not like the white bot reggae vibe on show in this album.
The obligatory single hit from this album is probably their worst. Iron Maiden does songs about stalking women so much better.
Overall the only nice thing I have to say about this album is at least it’s not Regatta de Blanc.
Jeff Buckley
4/5
Better singer than he is a swimmer.
The Rolling Stones
2/5
I honestly don't mind the Stones for the most part, definitely classic rip off black people boomer rock - I don't think I'd ever have gone out of my way to listen to a whole album though.
The biggest issue here is how samey this shit is. Listening to Rocks Off I was kinda excited to get into this, but by halfway through an album of borderline sonically identical, formulaic shit, I was begging for it to be done.
By the time it got to the final track I was so happy to be done with this. Good god this did not need to be over an hour. Pick out any track on this album and I would struggle to hum the tune. It just turns into white noise after the 20 minute mark, which sadly is only a third of the way through this.
Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young
4/5
What a pleasant, harmonic listen. A bundle of fantastic tracks and a steal at only 36 minutes. Misters Crobsy, Stills and Nash sure can lay it down.
Neil Young's voice is like in a live recording of Bob Dylan where he starts blowing a gale into that fucking harmonica and it feels like you've suddenly met the same fate as Lev Trotsky. I genuinely forgot he was involved in this project until "Helpless", where to my displeasure his whiny fucking voice shot straight through my ears.
I greatly enjoyed every track on this album where Neil Young was not the lead vocalist.
Roxy Music
2/5
I don't know why I didn't like it, but I didn't like it.
I really have nothing else to say unfortunately.
Green Day
2/5
Three feels generous for an album that can be summed up by the opening line of basket case: “do you have the time to listen to me whine”.
Green Day are a bunch of suburban Californian white boys who write songs for other suburban Californian white boys about how hard it is to be a suburban Californian white boy.
This album is full of what would become early 2000’s teen movie needledrop tracks that you half recognise from a single bar you heard in aforementioned movie. It is not good. The fact that these guys got flak from the punk scene for ‘selling out’ is astonishing because I can’t believe they had any credibility in it before they released a studio album.
Astonishingly mid album. Basket Case is alright.
Radiohead
2/5
I pull the same face as the dummy on the cover when I bust.
Hot Chip
1/5
I could not be fucked to listen to the entirety of most of the tracks on this album. If any of them suddenly became magnificent in the last 30 seconds to a minute I wouldn’t know because I very quickly became tired of each of these tracks and skipped just to get this shit over with.
I don’t know if I’ve ever been so bored by electronic music. Uninteresting wanker music with an annoying tool whining over the top.
I was baffled as to how these nerds were so acclaimed when there are so many more notable electronic acts out there that could take this spot before I saw those dread words:
Per Spotify: “Hot Chip’s position as one of BRITAINS most beloved electronic bands is now firmly and magnificently set in stone”
RETARDED MANGLEMOUTH AUSTERITY CHILD COAL DUST BREATHING IMPERIALISTS PLAGUING US WITH THEIR NEXT WAVE OF GLOBAL TERROR: MUSIC CRITICS.
The worst part is there is so much good electronic and EDM more specifically to come out of the British scene that is totally snubbed critically because it’s made for 19 year old Londoners to overheat and die taking ecstasy in a warehouse.
Suicide
1/5
Ronnie McNutt's final speech
Even my own mother! Oh mama, I know you’re listenin, you’re watchin, because it’s too much of a good show. But, you didn’t even reach out when I needed you. You didn’t even reach out. Now everybody wants to act like I’m important, now everybody wants to act like I’m significant, everybody wants to act like I’ve got some kind of value. Nobody treated me like it before tonight. Every single one of you. Buck, what about you man? Like you wanna keep messaging me? Buck, what about the time whenever I tried to work for you at Best Buy, you remember that? You remember that, man? Like, I’m one of the best damn managers in Tupelo, man. One of the best damn managers in Tupelo. And you wouldn’t even give me the time of day. Wouldn’t even give me the time of day. So yeah, you wanna like bring up that I convinced you about managers, that hey here you are man, like, you wouldn’t- you wouldn’t even give me the chance. Wouldn’t even give me the chance. I wanna tell you man, like I know, I know how good I am. I know how good I am, Buck. I’m good. When it comes to management, I’m good, man. You can ask, Jason Frucci. You can ask, Robert Bryant. You can ask, Johnny Lassiter even though he’ll prolly tell you that, y’know I couldn’t deal with his bullshit. But, y’know, at the end of the day I’m good. I’m good when it comes to management. But yeah, you wanna message me and say I convinced you about bad management? But yeah, no, you don’t wanna like actually give me a shot to show you how good I am. I tell you what, somebody call the cops in New Albany and tell them they get uh- ah- Autumn Russell to call me like, I will walk outta here right now. Yeah kid, it’s funny how like, whenever somebody’s reachin the end of the road all of a sudden you’re sorry. I don’t even know half you people tryna call me. Fooreal. Yeah, you wanna talk to me now? Mhm, yeah you wanna talk to me now? Oh, is that the way you’re gonna be? Hey guys, I guess that’s it.
Peter Tosh
3/5
Reggae has a very high low point in quality. Even shit reggae is still tolerable. The cost of this is that at least to a white boy like me reggae just sorta sounds very samey. I enjoyed this album. I can’t imagine I will go back to it though
The Smiths
3/5
Shitting on Morrissey in a Smiths review is such low hanging fruit it may as well be a root vegetable. I’m gonna do it anyway.
This retarded faggot is genuinely a disservice to an extremely tight musical outfit. You put literally any other vocalist in front of these guys and I would rate every album five stars.
The unique combination of Morrissey’s annoying as fuck moany voice added to the moments when my zen master mental filter fails me and I actually comprehend the lyrics instead of my brain scrambling them to just be another instrumental track he becomes so insufferable I feel like pushing him into a locker. I’m not surprised he doesn’t fuck. What a loser.
The worst song on this entire album has to be the title track. I can’t imagine anyone being inspired toward ethical vegetarianism by this tosser.
The real curiosity for this one came though when I did a bit more research on Morrissey’s views.
On one hand he is an ardent militant vegetarian, and has compared eating animals to being a pedophile - obviously implying he thinks pedophilia is bad.
On the other hand though, he seems to be some sort of British patriot - you see my confusion. How can one be a British patriot while slagging off their national pastime? It boggles the mind.
Regardless this album is alright if you skip the last track and do your best to ignore the retard frontman. Props to the band for making this at least listenable.
ZZ Top
3/5
Bit of a disappointing listen to be quite honest. I suppose I’m really only familiar with ZZ tops hits. This is music for the specific class of bloke who has a beer gut, a long and unkempt beard, and some very faded tattoos, who is REALLY into cars. Probably got like Peter Brock memorabilia in his man cave/shed and still buys nudie mags. Possible project car/motorbike that he will never finish because he’s too busy doing jobs around the house for his nagging wife. Only wears footy shorts and either old hivis work shirts or those blue shearer singlets.
Decent album but the deep cuts don’t really do much for me personally.
LTJ Bukem
3/5
Really, really strange pick to include in this list - this is basically a dnb mix masquerading as a compilation album.
I might not be too well versed in the history of the dnb scene but the featured artists on this album, as well as the compiler of the mix are literally who’s to me. Looking into it I feel this was only included due to the relative lack of LPs released in a genre that focuses more on beats and tracks for use in mixing over standard songs, added to the fact that this was a commercially successful breakthrough that reviewed well with critics for some reason?
Overall I might be spoiled by the 20+ years of evolution in the genre I have been exposed to following the release of this album but in all it’s just underwhelming. Fairly standard and competently produced jungle that doesn’t hold up compared to contemporary fare.
The Beach Boys
2/5
The Beach Boys music has aged like milk in the sun.
Boring samey shit about holding hands with your 14 year old girlfriend.
Keep it in the nursing home.
Talking Heads
4/5
The album title is a fucking lie hardly any of these songs are about buildings or food.
1/5
Why
Metallica
3/5
HI ITS DAVE AND FUCKO IN THE MORNING HERE ON TRIPLE M
THAT WAS THE FOOEYS WITH THE BEST OF YOU TO KICK OFF YOUR MORNING ON THE JOBSITE
TODAYS TOPIC OF DISCUSSION - HOW EARLY IS TOO EARLY TO GET DRUNK
CALL IN AND LET US KNOW
NEXT UP IS METALLICA WITH NOTHING ELSE MATTERS, ONE OF THREE METALLICA SONGS WE PLAY EVERY FUCKING DAY
Doves
2/5
1001 (sort of ok underwhelming) ALBUMS (from random obscure artists from the 1990s beloved by British music critics that haven’t maintained any relevancy or influence) YOU MUST(unfortunately)LISTEN TO BEFORE YOU DIE(soon I hope)
The Dandy Warhols
3/5
I liked this more than I expected I would and about halfway through it I really thought I’d end up giving it a 4. Unfortunately it went for another thirty minutes. You could drop the entire second half of this album and it would likely be a more cohesive, tight, punchy alt-pop rock type deal. Albums should not go over an hour and if they do they should be VERY good.
ZZ Top
3/5
Having now listened to ZZ Top’s too ‘best’ albums I can comfortably say they are overrated bluesrock for old men who like hot rods and day drinking.
I’m not going to say that this is BAD music per say, more that outside the big hits their music is forgettable and samey. Seriously name a ZZ Top track outside the hits that you would go out of your way to listen to.
Radiohead
1/5
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-N1x0oz76vE
De La Soul
4/5
Very groovy album similar in vibe to TCQ. I think the most De La Soul I’ve heard previously had been Gorillaz features. Nice change of pace for this list. Pleasant surprise
Solange
2/5
Scientists discover long hidden genetic ancestor of modern specimen “music for insufferable white women”
Stephen Stills
3/5
I think I see now why from CSNY Neil young was the most well known, because even if I personally dislike his vocals, he’s evidently the strongest writer from the group.
I think absent the harmonies of the wider group Stills’ vocals aren’t anything exceptional, and the band, while very good, aren’t playing anything groundbreaking here in terms of material.
I don’t recognise any of the tracks on this song except maybe Colorado, and nothing here was catchy or impressive enough to warrant a playlist save or a delliberate relisten.
Terence Trent D'Arby
3/5
This fella is a pretty solid vocalist but unfortunately for him I am absolutely uninterested in his music. My rating: It's okay I guess.
Led Zeppelin
2/5
Yaaaaaaayyyhhhhhhhhhhwooooooooooooooooooooo yaeeeeeeeaaaahhhhhhhhhh baby baby baby baby woooooooooooooooo ahhhhhhhhhhhh woooooooo aaaaaaaahhhhhh ooooooooooooooooo ohhhhhhhh baby baby (he is not using baby as a pet name throughout this he is referring to an actual child) ooooooooooooowwwwwwwwwwoooooooooooo ahhhhhyyyyyyyyeeeeahhhhhhhh lord of the rings yaaaaaaeeeeeee oooooooo baby baby *guitar solo*
Sarah Vaughan
5/5
You can't get more blue than the black woman in 1950s America tell you what.
Radiohead
3/5
On listening to this album I recall one of the most shattering moments of my life.
I was working away having listened to some album or another. I’d never really tried the Spotify album radio that comes on following whatever you’re listening to finish, but I was receiving quite a pleasant mix.
Suddenly a song played that grabbed my attention - fairly rare for something new shuffled in. I stopped my work and picked up my phone.
My face blanched, sweat beaded on my forehead. My office chair rolled back and I slumped to the floor. My colleagues rushed to my aid, thinking I’d had some sort of hypertension related health episode.
A psychic arrow had rent my hater credibility asunder…
The song I had inadvertently enjoyed….
It was Jigsaw Falling into Place by Radiohead.
Various Artists
1/5
I hate Christmas music with a passion that would make the Grinch look like the mayor of whoville.
Gang Starr
4/5
Gang Starr is a fantastic and unique sound in the 90’s hip hop scene even compared to oddities like ATCQ. It’s a shame they’re so less well known in the mainstream compared to the much more successful pedophiles of the NY scene like Gay-Z and Diddly.
Jazz rap is the grooviest of subgenres and is fantastically underrated. Please pour one out for my man Dave Mirra for introducing me to Gang Starr via the medium of extremely compressed PS2 BMX game soundtracks.
Red Hot Chili Peppers
1/5
Was quite disappointed midway through "Apache Rose Peacock" That I was only 13/19 songs.
Music by retards for retards.
There is a reason no one knows more than like 3 songs by this sorry excuse for a band. The hits are overplayed and not enough to save this drag of a record, especially if you've ever worked a job that had a site radio stuck on triple M because the old pricks you work with don't like "that doof doof" on any other station.
The deep cuts lyrically are like if you took some weirdo band like they might be giants or tally hall and edged a heroin overdose on their lead writer while doing the clockwork orange psycho conditioning bit but instead of violence its just 90s pornography and the goal is not to form a negative association but to make them retarded and unable to get an erection unless they're watching videos of people putting live fish in their ass.
The slither of redemption on this album is the bassline, that however, is spoiled by Flea being a gay loser who got assmad when BASED australians made light of the death of his stupidly named friend who he kissed on the lips.
shit band if you like red hot chilli peppers go for a long walk in the sonora desert without water seeing as you love california so much.
Sex Pistols
2/5
Chill lofi riffs to murder your girlfriend/OD on heroin to
The Stranglers
3/5
Waiter!! Waiter!!! More keyboard in my punk music please!!
I have only listened to the stranglers in other peoples cars while they look at me like Patrick Bateman putting on Huey Lewis and the News. This was a pleasant listen and surprisingly funky, but having gone on a bit of a tear through some other stranglers tracks via Spotify album radio after listening, this is certainly not their best outing. I’d like to thank the little man inside the Spotify robot for associating this band with Ian Dury and the Blockheads, who also kept coming up on the artist radio and I massively enjoyed.
The Boo Radleys
2/5
British Weezer and also bad. And boring. And too long. The English should not have been given CD recording equipment.
This is like direct to video coming of age movie soundtrack bytes. Calling this album shoegaze is insulting to shoes and gays. There are like 3 good bits in this whole fucking 64 minute waste of my life. Fuck England and fuck music critics.
Jane's Addiction
3/5
Whenever I hear a death grips sample in the wild I feel like I've just stuck a fork into an outlet. I liked this album. I'm probably not gonna go out of my way to listen to it again. The singer is kind of annoying.
Led Zeppelin
3/5
I’d like Led Zeppelin more if I couldn’t understand a single word old mate was saying. If I never hear the word baby again it’ll be too soon.
Black Sabbath
5/5
That bat had it coming.
Sam Cooke
5/5
Some live albums are real drags that just end up being the most dogshit low quality performance recorded on the 1970s equivalent of an iPhone microphone.
This is not one of those albums, this is one where it being live complements an already strong performance with the strong atmospheric element of an audience that is absolutely loving the show. Really makes you want to be in the crowd.
What it doesn’t make you want to be is Sam Cooke’s date on the night of December the 11th 1964.
New York Dolls
2/5
Proto-Punk bores me. I understand it is a precursor to the wider musical movement that became punk rock and it has it's place as an influence, but it's an era totally spoiled by what came after it. This album is utterly forgettable musically if listened to today if you have ever heard anything more hardcore than the E street band.
I actually googled this one because I never understand why all these white bread middle of the road acts end up on a list of most important albums and wiki tells me that this punk precursor was reactionary to the 'sophistication' of prog rock that was on top at the time.
Yea man I'm really gonna show those snooty prog rock guys by making a dogshit uninteresting album.
Astrud Gilberto
4/5
So damn smooth man. Always a pleasure to get an album like this.
The Killers
2/5
Definitively mid radio rock. Next function I’m at where they play Mr Brightside im shooting the place up.
Ray Charles
5/5
An absolute joy to listen to. This is the kind of music where you know the people who made it just love music and have fun making it. It’s called SOUL for a REASON Mate.
My girlfriend insists that he wasn’t actually blind and was just pretending as a bit but it got out of hand and he had to keep it up.
Dire Straits
4/5
The tail end of this album really tapers so damn hard man. Need to be drunk to fully enjoy it.
Todd Rundgren
4/5
A surprisingly enjoyable listen that went further to surprise me that this came out in 1972?? Sounds very early 2000’s indie pop so I would say Mr Rundgren was WELL ahead of his time on this one.
I was wondering why this seemingly no-name artist was included here as I don’t think I’ve ever heard any of his solo tracks prior OR the bands he has been a member of, but researching the artist for a change really showed just how prolific this mf was as a producer and some of the MASSIVE albums he has a credit on. Very impressive and it shows in how tightly produced this album is, especially for its age. I would give normally give this a three as I don’t know that I would go out of my way to listen to it again but I appreciate a good groove and some weirdo music that isn’t painful to listen to.
Everything But The Girl
2/5
BOOOOOOOOORRRRRIIIINNNNGGGGGG
1/5
This is the musical equivalent of the nuclear bombings of Hiroshima and Nagasaki.
The use of the A-bomb demonstrated the inhumanity and destructive force that man could wield against man, inspiring decades of reckless arms races and the ever looming threat of nuclear holocaust, whereas the release of Oasis’ biggest album was an example of the inhumanity and destructive force that the British could wield against music, inspiring decades of reckless imitation by the most annoying people to ever live, and the ever looming threat of Britpop becoming popular again.
David Bowie
3/5
GAY NAZI COKEHEAD PEDO RAPIST.
ALBUM WAS OK
Soul II Soul
3/5
Competent, chill music. A little dated for my tastes but I won’t begrudge it that. Seems a little arrogant to release an album called club classics vol 1 but you’re the only artist on the disc lol.
Baaba Maal
3/5
This probably goes hard as fuck if you speak Senegalese, unfortunately I am an ignorant whitey and don’t get much out of this genre except the vocals, which I can’t understand.
The Associates
2/5
An altogether too long collection of some of the the most 80's tripe of all time, constantly on the cusp of being interesting but consistently failing to distinguish itself from any of the other mass produced faux art nuwave slop of it's contemporaries. The vocalist should be studied for science.
OutKast
4/5
Make sure you listen to this as two albums. It’s over two hours long if you go back to back and you WILL wear yourself out.
Treating it on that criteria though I would say Speakerboxxx is the stronger album of the two, my personal favourite track being ‘Church’. Seemingly a funkier side with a more upbeat groove.
The Love below I enjoyed less, and I found it’s interludes less amusing and more grating. This has the BIG Outkast hits that everyone had heard and it obviously gets points for that, but as an album it is the weaker of the two.
Jimi Hendrix
5/5
Was he the best to ever do it? No.
Did he pioneer a sound and style that would influence everything that came after him? Yes.
If he hadn’t had an untimely death would allegations about sexual impropriety have eventually surfaced 50 years after his heyday? Most likely.
Harry Nilsson
3/5
I enjoyed this album. Nothing noteworthy to bring up unfortunately. Just a quality album, relaxing listen.
The Young Rascals
1/5
An album that sounds so generic to its comtemporaries that I did not notice it had finished and artist radio had been playing other shitty doowop bands for forty minutes
Tangerine Dream
3/5
I am only familiar with Tangerine Dream insofar as their work on various film scores, and I can't say that this is much different to that. It's certainly not music in the conventional sense, but not to the degree that it's antimusic, and purely sound, it really falls into that middleground of sounding like a score. I didn't dislike it, but it's definitely something that needs to be listened to with accompaniment.
Amy Winehouse
1/5
The more I listen to this train wreck the more I understand why she only has 2 songs people remember.
Dusty Springfield
3/5
Astounded that not only is this a white woman but a British white woman
Arcade Fire
1/5
Could not finish this as it sounded too much like everything played on commercial radio 2012-2015. I don’t know why you would go out of your way to listen to this.
Elvis Costello & The Attractions
2/5
I have nothing to say about this except that it's not for me. Maybe Elvis Costello has albums I enjoy but this isn't one of them.
Django Django
2/5
I would say it didn't exactly blow my hair back, but I don't have any.
Jorge Ben Jor
3/5
This fella released 13 albums before this and this was the first one he used electric guitar on. Influential in it's genre but I didn't have any particular tracks leap out at me as the 'wow this is why THIS was the hit" moment.
Pink Floyd
5/5
POTENTIAL JOJOS BIZZARE ADVENTURE REFERENCE?????
Def Leppard
1/5
dogshit retard music thats literally only on here because of pour some sugar on me
Ian Dury
4/5
Sleaford Mods but old and gay and retarded
Bob Marley & The Wailers
4/5
I think I would enjoy this album more if it were sung by a white British man who moaned like someone with a TBI.
The Doors
3/5
I enjoyed it more than LA woman.
The Verve
2/5
I’m sure I’ve heard worse.
Destiny's Child
5/5
An album I did not expect to enjoy outside of the title track. Production value and beats absolutely a product of its time that I look upon fondly every time I turn a radio on on a Friday to hear Fatman Scoop (PBUH) back announce the same 7 tracks by Outkast, TLC, and Destiny’s Child that he played last week.
Bruce Springsteen
4/5
I have never cared for Bruce Springsteen. At a surface level he is turboburger tribute to da troops patriot slop music, and you would be forgiven for thinking that if your only knowledge of his music came from his lead paint eating geriatric fan base and the three or so hits that still get a run on the radio, or if the only full album of his you had listened to was his absolute shithouse 9/11 tribute album.
The deeper cuts from this are quite enjoyable, and though I can’t say I’m a big fan of the boss’ vocal stylings, his band is stellar. An incredibly easy listen from an artist I dreaded being assigned.
Marvin Gaye
3/5
An album that you listen to while fucking if Barry White (PBUH) is too silly for you.
Marvin Gaye makes quality music but this album isn’t really a greatest hits, and personally I found it outstayed it’s welcome a little at 73 minutes long.
There’s really only so many songs in a row you can hear about getting busy before it starts blending together.
Talking Heads
3/5
Not even that scary. Yet another case of false advertising from Byrne & Co.
Jimmy Smith
4/5
Smooth as silk. Same kind of music you’d hear in some fruity David Lynch joint when the characters enter some bizarre anachronistic diner. I think it’s really just the organ doing that to be honest. Good listen.
Skepta
2/5
Grime is the mentally retarded younger half-brother of gangsta rap. Their parents pretend they love them both the same but we both know mum hasn’t been giving grime as much attention since his dad ran off with his ex drum and bass. She reminds herself at least she doesn’t have it as bad as her sister in Western Sydney as consolation
Joni Mitchell
3/5
Joni Mitchell has a lovely voice and the instrumentation is delightful. This is not an album I would listen to even if I were in a good mood, and unfortunately for the impartiality of this review, I listened to this album while dealing with some of the most idiotic subhuman retard cattle ever to be given the right to vote (my colleagues).
Girls Against Boys
2/5
A nothing record by a nothing band with a nothing legacy apart from some of the members being in fugazi. I’m not saying this is a miserable listen but I don’t know if I would push beyond a general sentiment of “I tolerated it”. Sht is the influence of this record aside from the critic that wrote this book liking it? Dull.
Derek & The Dominos
5/5
When critiquing art, and by extension music, it can be argued that you have to separate the art from the artist.
For this album it was hard.
Here is a quick list of things it was harder than:
Resisting the urge to go on a racial tirade at a packed out concert.
Not writing love songs about a good friends wife who you then marry immediately after they divorce.
Not beating and raping said wife because you’re a piece of shit alcoholic drug addict.
Not constantly cheating on every partner you’ve ever had and fathering a child with one of your mistresses.
And it’s certainly harder than remembering to close your 53rd story bedroom window with your 4 year old bastard son in the house.
Electric Light Orchestra
5/5
A relentlessly positive album - even where the actual lyrical content may reflect a less than happy subject, it still has the sound of a good day.
I’ve never been upset to hear ELO - they have such groovy harmonies layered through every track that it really does sound like some bizarre future orchestra playing a composition.
This feels like music made by people who really love making music.
CHVRCHES
2/5
Utterly unremarkable waste of an album slot.
R.E.M.
3/5
Psychic warfare to anyone who has ever had a blue collar job with a site radio where the crusty old cunts you work with won’t let you change it off triple M or whatever your equivalent local classic rock bloke radio station is.
I won’t say R.E.M are my favourite - not a fan of the vocals personally but I’m not gonna argue that it’s perfectly cromulant music.
John Martyn
3/5
This is a suburban mothers favourite artist and no one else’s. It’s certainly not bad. It’s easy to listen to. That’s about it.
I don’t think any one track jumped out at me like YEP THATS IT THATS THE INFLUENTIAL HIT. Moreso it was just there and then it was over. In one word it would be inoffensive?
Booker T. & The MG's
5/5
Even on old timey steal from the black man recording contracts the amount of money these guys must have cumulatively made from samples and covers from this album must be mind boggling.
Has to be one of the most influential albums of all time purely in its reach purely on the basis of everything coming after it.
Beatles
4/5
It’s the Beatles what do you want me to say? There’s only so many jokes you can make about domestic violence and being way too into India.
Ryan Adams
3/5
Ehhhhh it’s alright I guess? Fella is a decent singer and the instrumentation is nice enough. This is not music I would listen to by choice under any other circumstance so there is a large element of personal taste here. This guy could have taken a couple lessons from Big bad Harv in extorting sex from women trying to break into your industry.
Isaac Hayes
3/5
Certainly evocative of butter, however, South Park has irreparably tainted Isaac Hayes voice for me - all I hear is chef. This album is good but it sorta outstayed its welcome.
Metallica
2/5
I could not finish it.
If I wanted to hear alcoholics screaming over orchestral music I’d go for a walk in the park near QPAC.
AC/DC
4/5
WHICH WAY AUSTRALIAN MUSICIAN
SONG ABOUT FUCKING
SONG ABOUT HOW MUCH OF A MAD CUNT YOU ARE
RIP BON SCOTT DRINKING A SLAB OF MIDDIES IN YOUR HONOUR
Cocteau Twins
3/5
A band synonymous in my mind with women who don’t wash their pubic region and the men that pursue them as if the smell of their body odour were a little cartoon man who had smelt a freshly baked pie. It was alright.
Elvis Costello & The Attractions
2/5
Sure I’ve heard the hits but man these deep cuts are different???
0 woah mamas
0 movie set in Hawaii themed tracks
0 spousal rapes
Honestly I’m not even sure this IS Elvis at all……
John Grant
2/5
Sleep AIDS.
Wire
3/5
Critically acclaimed British Post-Punk that was influential to many much better acts which followed. In the words of poet laureate and personal friend Immortan Joe: "Mediocre."
Duran Duran
4/5
A seminal entry in the genre of music your uncle gets drunk to. Truly baffled that Duran Duran is still together/alive in the year of our lord 2025, let alone still releasing new music - which unsurprisingly sounds borderline identical to what they put out in the 80s. They know what they’re doing and they do it well.
Album cover is sorta unnerving.
John Coltrane
5/5
Any negative reviews for this album are part of an elaborate scheme by big renewable energy and big truck transportation to besmirch the name of COAL TRAIN!!!!!
Anita Baker
4/5
This is someone’s Mum’s favourite album of all time to sink Shiraz and Valium to.
In terms of production this is sonically reminiscent of every Japanese pop album (subgenres “city pop” aka Vaporwave samples). I do not remember a single lyric from this album but think I got the general idea. Ms Baker has a lovely voice and despite her Grammy wins I can see why she isn’t exactly a household name in 2025, as no song on this album really distinguishes itself or stands out as a hit.
I enjoyed it, and it was a tight 35 minutes.
Pavement
2/5
Absolutely astounding that this was considered in any way special, different, relevant, outstanding, etc. etc .etc. especially to the degree that it would be included on this list of 'must listens'.
They may have been a pioneer in the genre of 'Music for teenage American losers who aren't game enough to shoot up their school' but I fail to see any real influence or legacy from this nothingburger record.
So uninteresting even the singer sounds bored.
The saving grace keeping this out of 1 territory is that the instrumentals are at least performed competently, if routinely. That and it's a snappy 30 something minutes.
M.I.A.
3/5
Any thought I could have had about the musical or artistic merit of this album or the impact on certain singles on pop culture, or even M.I.A's buckshot schizo political views was completely wiped away by track six.
How the fuck is the Wilcannia Mob featured on this album? A central NSW town so internationally irrelevant that I as an Australian didn't even know it existed until I saw a youtube documentary about how cotton conglomerates completely fucked their water supply.
Mango Pickle Down River has at time of writing 3.3 million listens on spotify.
Imagine being some tryhard soundcloud rapper or other struggling artist and seeing that. The amount of exposure a bunch of like 10 year old aboriginal children from the literal middle of nowhere got by a random feature on an M.I.A album. It's all I could think about. Some retarded faggot called yung child mole$ter who is wasting his inheritance trying to become a rapper getting like 49 listens on their mixtape and seeing that listening stat. Unbeatable.
The Cure
3/5
You get the general idea by about the middle of song 2.
It’s a competently performed, influential, genre trailblazer.
It is the antithesis of my musical taste and I did not like it one bit. It speaks to its quality however, in that despite this being over an hour long, it did not drag and did not feel a chore to get through.
Rush
5/5
Peak dork music. Instrumentally phenomenal and lyrically ridiculous. I greatly enjoy Rush as a matter of personal bias and I will have beheaded anyone who dare insult the prophet Geddy Lee (PBUH).
Genesis
4/5
A Genesis album I’ve never heard of, or heard of any song from. Odyssey of an album both in length and tone - deep cut, the album. A strange listen but one I really enjoyed.
Ray Charles
3/5
Objectively good music and a monumental achievement for a black musician at the time of its release. Despite this, it’s just a covers album. I couldn’t get too excited about this and I don’t believe any single track caught my attention other than to go yep I know that one.
Death In Vegas
2/5
Featured in ps2 racing games?
A contemporary of the chemical brothers?
I’m sure this will be quality electronic music and NOT extremely boring.
Tears For Fears
3/5
Two hits I moderately enjoy and have heard too often squashed between deep cuts which are adverse to my personal taste.
Sigur Rós
2/5
Music made for me to dislike (slow and sad). Gave it a go and found the earlier portion of the album to have a beautiful, somewhat haunting and ethereal quality which i quickly came to tire of when I realised the whole album is just more of the same. All Nordic languages sound like the Swedish chef muppet to me and this shit drags on way too long.
Also upon finding out the vocalist was a man I immediately reassessed the above comment about the quality of the vocals as not beautiful but gay and retarded.
Elvis Costello & The Attractions
2/5
Certainly a more enjoyable listen than my first LP-duration exposure to Costello, Imperial Bedroom.
This seems to be a much more middle of the road record in terms of straightforward listenability. I struggle to understand or comprehend lyrics without several listens, so any quality of lyricism is out the window as far as my assessment of most records goes.
Undoubtedly a musically talented group, but man does his voice wear you out after a few tracks. also looks like a gay dork.
Leonard Cohen
4/5
Perhaps I were too harsh on Mr Cohen…
Linkin Park
4/5
I unashamedly like numetal but will freely admit that the majority of full length records in the genre are majority filler slop to pad out a 40 minute runtime between the hit tracks about hating your stepfather.
Hybrid Theory was critically acclaimed because it bucks the trend by being a listenable album start to finish. Truly a landmark for the genre.
This album is the soundtrack to a thousand AMVs and dodgy YouTube stop motion animations. It’s fucking sick and if you look down on the lyricism as cringe or dated you need to take a good hard look at yourself in the mirror and a long huff of whatever air duster you have in the house then listen again.
Bob Dylan
4/5
BORN TO HARMONICA / VOLUME IS A FUCK / 鬼神 Deafen’ Em All 1963 / I am freewheeling’ man / 410,757,864,530 PIERCED EARDRUMS
The Rolling Stones
3/5
Pavlovian response to the first track that makes me think im about to see some fat retard drop their chilli on a basketball court and say the n word (white)
William Orbit
4/5
Evocative of the music that would be playing in some thriller from 1997 in a scene where the main character goes to some weird sex freak nightclub where everyone has UV face paint and are doing some made up future drug that makes you go insane and eat your own legs. I liked it.
Stereolab
3/5
Strong start that tapers off around the halfway to three quarter runtime. I enjoyed it but found it overstayed its welcome. The album title sounds funny and I have nothing else to say about this.
Suede
1/5
BRITSLOP DETECTED FIRE WHEN READY
Pink Floyd
4/5
I wonder if Roger Waters ever considered seeing a therapist?
The White Stripes
5/5
Meg White is an underrated drummer man not everyone has to be Neil Pert fuckin playing seventy drums at once in six time signatures while sucking yourself off from behind. Keeps time and keeps the beat marching while Jack White does his thing. Genuinely don’t think this would be nearly as good with a different drumming style.
The Byrds
3/5
Another case of albums that were probably groundbreaking pioneers in their genre that have been completely overshadowed by everything that came after them (in this case the use of the moog synth).
Only realised I was listening to the deluxe version halfway through a 7 minute recording of the band having a massive, bitter, and personal sounding shitfight in the studio about the way someone was playing the drums.
Queen
4/5
Beans are not the ONLY musical fruit...
Super Furry Animals
3/5
Your neutralness, a middle of the road album!
My god. Issue a beige alert!
David Bowie
3/5
I honestly think David Bowie is more widely appreciated as a pop culture phenomenon and all round odd bloke than he is a musician. 3 obvious dickprints in a kids movie out of 5
Steely Dan
4/5
Albums that are mediocre by Steely Dan standards are still greatest of all time listens by the standards of any other band.
Keith Jarrett
4/5
If I’d reviewed this without knowing it was entirely improvisational I would have scored it more harshly. I was unexcited by the prospect of an hour of piano solo with no accompaniment but Keith Jarrett is evidently a talented musician as it managed to hold my microscopic attention span for the majority of this performance. Don’t think it warrants a repeat listen for me.
The Who
2/5
Oh great another shitty live album that’s on here because the author got an unenthusiastic handjob behind the portaloos at the concert it was recorded at. I don’t even want to listen to studio albums by the literally who let alone 77 minutes of live dreck. Waste of a slot fuck off.
Portishead
4/5
Strange and haunting music that unexpectedly I greatly enjoyed. Evocative of dimly lit rooms with no windows some time between 1 and 3 AM. Will listen again.
The Black Keys
3/5
INTENSE URGE TO PURCHASE A NEW ISUZU DMAX NOW ONLY $49999 WITH INSTANT CASHBACK ON TRADE PURCHASES.
CHIC
3/5
Frankenstein musical parody film about raising disco from the dead but all he wants to do is make house music from chic samples.
Merle Haggard
4/5
Music that makes you want to kill yourself but in a good way.
Giant Sand
1/5
Oh it was a chore alright.
Yes
3/5
This album contains Yes' best known song. Unfortunately, that's about it. The only other real track of note for me here is "Heart of the Sunrise", the rest of the album is fairly mediocre filler.
Adele
4/5
Music to make fat women feel empowered when their jobless boyfriend cheats on them.
Elliott Smith
3/5
Two listens failed to leave any sort of impression on me. While I did not dislike it, it was just there. When I think of it, I really have no recollection of a single track from our last Elliott Smith album so I suppose the mental association I’m forming with him as an artist is “forgettable”
Emerson, Lake & Palmer
4/5
I know the name, doubt I could name anything else of theirs I may have heard, and I enjoyed this. Really nothing else to say about that.
The Avalanches
5/5
I've heard chops from the Avalanches over my many years of makita site radio tuned to Triple J (old cunts are doing something else apprentices pick the station now old man) and I've never actually taken the time to sit down and listen to this in its entirety, and I'm glad this has been the catalyst for me to finally do it.
This is bizarre and sonically eclectic, and I think it's genuinely a fascinating piece of art where you can make something wholly original purely out of bits and pieces of other people's work. There are plenty of artists that use sampling heavily, and definitely some that do it better, but I think the Avalanches, on this album at least, really make their own unique thing with it. Sort of like a musical collage - seriously look up any track from this album on a sample website and see the ridiculous number of tracks pulled from on each song (frontier psychiatrist for example has 28 samples, since i left you has 19).
It also makes it very clear why there was a 16 year hiatus between this and their next LP, as it likely took them that long to turn a profit after paying all the sample clearances.
also AUSTRALIA NUMBER ONE
Stevie Wonder
5/5
Stevie Wonder’s music exudes joy at every second, dude clearly just loved making music and it shines through in his tracks. One of the best to ever do it.
B.B. King
5/5
Live performance is far and away the best format for blues music. Especially enjoyed the part where he jokes about not hitting your woman because she’ll learn nothing except how to dodge it next time.
Solomon Burke
3/5
Unremarkable.
Frank Ocean
2/5
Music for the women who were painfully aware of Drake's behaviour pre-kendrick-feud.
Emerson, Lake & Palmer
2/5
I do like prog but progressive implies some sort of progress in the composition of the track. Until you get to about “a time and a place” this is an incredibly samey album that made 38 minutes feel like a lifetime. This was going to be the lightest 3 of all time until are you ready eddy came on, which was just kinda retarded. I really like the album cover.
Emmylou Harris
4/5
Crazy Clark’s version of Dolly Parton (positive) insofar as varying slightly in style with a barely noticeable difference in quality. Might be more apt to compare this artist to the Aldi version where the packaging and content is basically identical but just different enough to avoid a lawsuit.Perhaps lesser known than the queen herself but an undeniably enjoyable listen.
Public Enemy
2/5
The fact that this album, and public enemy generally, was considered controversial enough that people would call into a radio show to tell Chuck D to go back to Africa really just shows how much Americans are soft cocks
Neil Young
2/5
All I want to harvest from Neil Young are his organs.
American Music Club
1/5
Nothing to say in my nothing review about this nothing album by a nothing band with a nothing legacy.
Foo Fighters
2/5
I thought I had some sympathy for THE FOOIES despite their one note music being overplayed on every commercial rock station on every jobsite in australia, but it seems that the stuff i'd heard that was an enjoyable listen came from later albums. Never heard the debut album by this famous group of AIDS denialists and secret family havers but interesting to note that their sound hasn't evolved AT ALL in THIRTY YEARS.
Elbow
3/5
Tell you what I was not optimistic listening to the first track, but despite this being basically opposite of my taste I didn’t hate it so props to Mr armpit for that.
Bob Dylan
3/5
Alright already we get the fucking idea Bob Dylan made a lot of albums and he was a good songwriter. Genuinely if you have heard one of his albums you’ve heard them all as far as general tone is concerned. This list would be better if the authors limited themselves to like 3 albums max per artist they can’t all be that influential.
This one had better mixing on the harmonica as I did not have to sleep with the fan on after listening to it.
The Clash
3/5
American punk: I am sarcastic and I hate capitalism
British punk: England is the worst place in the known universe
Brian Eno
3/5
Stick to producing mate
The Damned
2/5
Machine gun being an apt comparison as each track passed through my brain with the same speed and effect as a 9mm round.
Frank Sinatra
4/5
Bravo mister Sinatra, you have created a record so soothing I fell asleep on the bus and overshot my stop.
Snoop Dogg
4/5
Autistic man shot DEAD in LBC - Victim misidentified as CRIP gang member due to BLUE SONIC THE HEDGEHOG SHIRT.
Pink Floyd
5/5
My favourite track is the one where it sounds like SpongeBob has run afoul of the ANC.
Drive-By Truckers
1/5
Every time I heard a little twinkle of like a good riff or something coming in and thinking the album was gonna pick up a bit it would immediately come crashing down as soon as the lead singer finished his bowl of hot gravel and started belting on about some bullshit. Boring dogshit.
Doves
2/5
I was enjoying this album a surprising amount up to about N.Y., after which each successive song seemed to get more and more grating and difficult to sit through. I don’t know whether this is because the B side of this album just stinks or if it’s because there’s only so much I can take of this type of music in one sitting, but by the end of it I was glad it was over.
Brian Wilson
4/5
I enjoy this weird old cunt (former, RIP) on his own way more than with the beach boys. Enjoyable easy listening album that just sorta sounds like he’s happy to be there.
Rush
4/5
https://youtu.be/Eh_9NY56Sxw?si=uwUJkatpxoeH7fiG
Cat Stevens
5/5
You ever hear a bad song YUSUF ISLAM??? Didn’t think so mate. Alhamdulillah.
Steely Dan
5/5
For me, this album has astronomical highs, and a low end further down than snake shit.
Rikki don’t lose that number. An earworm in the classic tradition of songs about a chick you want to fuck. Sang out of key many times while half cut. Classic.
Night by Night, a song which fills a similar niche in my brain to Gerry Rafferty’s entire discography.
Major Dude and the title track, both rock solid, catchy and extremely groovy.
And possibly my personal favourite Steely Dan track “With A Gun”. I have listened to this song so many times I could probably recite it backwards at this point.
The remainder of the album doesn’t stick out in my memory to as great of a degree, but is extremely competent and still a pleasurable listen.
The outlier dragging down the whole affair is Barrytown. I fucking hate this piece of shit. Maybe one of the only songs by Steely Dan I will go out of my way to skip. I don’t know if I could describe why this song fucks me off so much I just think it’s shitty and annoying.
still a 5 though.
Rufus Wainwright
2/5
I listened to this the day after we got it and neglected to write my review at the time and cannot remember a single thought I had about this, which I think speaks volumes about the album.
The Go-Betweens
3/5
Music for mid fifties ALP members to listen to while they reminisce (masturbate while thinking about) protesting Joh Bjelke-Peterson(PBUH). No one outside of that demographic would know who this band is if they didn’t randomly have an extremely expensive toll bridge named after them. Mid in the truest sense as totally average.
The Temptations
4/5
An interesting genre of black music, presumably made for a contemporary black audience, which is now probably only listened to by extremely elderly black people and white dorks (me).
Stevie Wonder
3/5
Stevie Wonder has a consistent quality that is impossible to deny, and on that metric I don’t think I could rate any of his output as bad. I’d say though on the basis of my enjoyment of this album compared to his other records, this is on the weaker side.
Jane Weaver
3/5
BRITISH WOMAN DETECTED RED ALERT GENERAL QUARTERS SET ALL PHASERS TO KILL
Anthrax
2/5
Never have I come so close to falling asleep listening to metal. Truly ridiculous that anthrax is considered one of the four foundational pillars of thrash metal.
JAY Z
3/5
Jay Z looks the way someone who had no exposure to black people outside of Jim Crow era propaganda would imagine they look. The album was ok.
Neil Young & Crazy Horse
2/5
Neil Young has an unreal ability to consistently be the worst part of any album he appears on.
Paul Simon
1/5
Recording this album got Paul Simon put straight on the top of AZAPO’s assassination list. Not worth it I reckon.
Deerhunter
3/5
Could not pay attention to the music as I was too distracted by the album cover.
The Who
4/5
I seriously cannot hear the opening of Baba O’Riley without receiving psychic damage. Probably the same for Won’t Get Fooled Again. The royalties for these two tracks alone have probably built Pete Townshend multiple houses they’ve been used so frequently in film and TV.
I think this is a rock solid album with very little to criticise.
Nina Simone
5/5
My only exposure to Nina Simone prior to this is that video of her talking about trying to shoot a record executive dead in front of a restaurant. That sort of stunning and brave action would warrant an extra star even if the album was dogshit but thankfully it’s really good.
Alanis Morissette
5/5
Listening to this album really got my noggin joggin about a few things.
First of all, this chick is MAD.
Secondly, this is a very interesting example for me in terms of the cultural phenomena of music which is looked down upon or otherwise rubbished due to having a primary audience of young women/teenage girls. This is the first time I have listened to anything by Alanis Morissette outside of the big hits (which are coincidentally on this album), and the entirety of my prior knowledge of her as an artist had built a mental image of “rubbish whiny teenage girl music for crying about your fuckwit boyfriend” - this being based on any mention of her generally via other media being as the butt of a joke regarding the above. This is of course anecdotal, but coming into this with that as my foreknowledge it was pleasantly surprising that Alanis Morissette is a VERY good musician.
Thirdly, the lyricism in these songs really speaks to how pervasive misogyny was throughout the 90s and 00s, I distinctly recall several lyrics which essentially fantasise about being treated with the bare minimum of human decency and care? (In head over feet she is saying how nice it is that they “ask how her day was”). Just a comically low standard that apparently was not being met by most men in year of our lord 1995?
Further to the point, if you contrast this lyricism with the content of contemporary artists which catered more to a young male audience, (bit of a stretch here but slim shady LP came out in 1999 for example) it’s even more stark.
Regardless of this however, I still had a little palette cleanser afterwards by listening to limp bizkits greatest hits.
Bruce Springsteen
4/5
Dad is Uncle Silvio in the E street band?
Generally not a big fan of the boss - his voice grates me a bit for some reason. Sometimes he sounds a bit retarded, which is fitting considering he is often singing about the plights of the famously self sabotaging American working class.
This is a tight unit of a band and the instrumentation is fantastic. Actually enjoyed it in spite of myself.
Paul Revere & The Raiders
2/5
https://youtu.be/beia7-DRWTY?si=bl9VOF-WQdKWRv6M
Mercury Rev
1/5
Profoundly boring. Like if you tried to make an ambient album but you didn’t give the instrumentation the breadth or interest necessary to evoke any sort of feeling. Also you put really middling vocals over it. I would need to maybe triple my dose of amphetamines to sit through this entire thing and pay it my full attention.
The Residents
3/5
I thought this was gonna be dogshit seeing as it’s the third lowest rated album on this site but I quite enjoyed it. It’s weird and interesting. It helps that I already quite enjoy primus, and I was shocked at one point where I thought the vocalist was les claypool. Looking up the band there a tism type outfit where no one knows their identities and funnily enough claypool has been accused of being a member. I liked it but I doubt I’ll go back to it.
Nine Inch Nails
3/5
Instrumentally interesting but falling off in variety as the album drags on. I do not care for Trent Reznor as a vocalist whatsoever. Evocative of autoerotic asphyxiation while crying.
Creedence Clearwater Revival
5/5
*swampy guitar riff*
ooooOOOOOOOO a shoody doody scooby doo.... i my wife left me a booby da doo *soul rending solo* yabba dabba doo everyone in my band fuckin hateeeess mee shabadaba doooooo
Kino.. thank you mister fogerty....
AC/DC
4/5
ACDC are a band you can rate the albums of based on proportion of hit tracks. Back in Black has a solid 5/10 recognisable tracks, and the filler is listenable. The Young’s always put in a solid effort on the instrumentals, and seeing as this was their first showing since Bon Scott went out like a true blue Australian HERO, Brian Johnson does a good job stepping into those vomit speckled shoes.
Bob Marley & The Wailers
3/5
I think if you’ve heard one reggae album you’ve probably heard them all. It’s not bad, it doesn’t really have his big hits, it’s just good and not really exceptional.
Traffic
3/5
My view may be slightly skewed as I was writing excel macros while I listened to this and it’s really hard to be less interesting than that, but I enjoyed it.
Arcade Fire
1/5
Comparing this to the last arcade fire album is like asking if you’d rather eat dogshit fresh or dried. It’s still dogshit.
King Crimson
5/5
A literally genre defining debut. Every song here is totally fresh and interesting and the fact this came out in 1969 is mind boggling. Even putting aside the standout hit that is the opening track, the sideshow here is still phenomenal. ‘I talk to the wind’ is such a tonal backflip you would think it’s a different band. Iconic in its truest sense.
The Divine Comedy
2/5
It did nothing for me personally. May as well have been white noise in its total inability to get my attention.
Black Sabbath
3/5
Pour one out for the fella but this is not Sabbaths best work by a mile. The start and end of this album are standard fare but I feel the middle drops off as far as my personal taste is concerned. When I think of Black Sabbath I am typically thinking of the groove their music has, I think my lukewarm feelings about the middle tracks are really down to a noted absence of the groove that makes the tracks march along.
Coldplay
1/5
Dreadful.
Elvis Presley
4/5
Significant as the first thing Elvis was able to record that wasn’t some tacked on corny movie soundtrack in like 10 years. That’s what happens when you let some Dutch (evil) carnie manage your career.
Parliament
4/5
Spaceship shaped like a Cadillac… What a concept… An album that asks important questions like “What if Captain Kirk was a pimp?”
Cornershop
1/5
For a brief moment upon seeing the artist photo on Spotify I thought one of the fellas in this band actually had Down’s syndrome. Yet another inclusion of dogshit britslop on the merit of a single hit. Absolutely damning that the first result searching for this band was a playlist titled “one hit wonders”. A painfully long 54 minutes. The authors of this list should be publicly executed.
Ray Price
3/5
Hrm...... I don't remember listening to this and I simply cannot be fucked to listen again to remember if it was good or not. I don't remember hating it
The Teardrop Explodes
2/5
Listened to this while clearing massive chunks of polyurethane primer out of an airbrush nozzle that kept fucking clogging while my dogshit cheap cunt instantaneous air compressor made a sound I can only describe as coins being thrown into a garbage disposal. Didn’t like the album.
Bob Dylan
3/5
Intimidated by Mr. Zimmerman mewing on the album cover. Some of the vocals on this are fucking heinous but overall reasonable album.
Joy Division
3/5
Ian Curtis' greatest contribution to music was an unrelated act that caused New Order to form.
The tracks are way ahead of their time but for the most part I cannot stand this cunts vocals.
Sister Sledge
4/5
Giving my sisters eating disorders by singing to them "we are family, even though you're fatter than me"
Joe Ely
1/5
What if we made country music but boring?
Faust
1/5
Boring dreck so uninspiring that even half cut I have nothing to say about it.
Iron Maiden
5/5
Albums that made evangelical mothers quake in their boots because SATAN was going to make their children play DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS and perhaps USE HAIRSPRAY. EVIL MUSIC for DEVIL WORSHIPPERS 0/10...
The Temptations
4/5
This album is only on this list because of the inclusion of "Papa was a Rolling Stone" which is probably fair because I listened to just that track about 16 times. Thank you Mr The Temptations for your invaluable contribution.
Thin Lizzy
5/5
A live album that made me realise that thin lizzy have songs that aren't the boys are back in town and also that they're quite a good band.
The Cure
3/5
I'm sure the guy who monitors the keylogger on my australian public service issued computer raised an eyebrow when i typed pornography.
Music for when you really want to kill yourself but doing so would prevent you from dressing like a faggot in future.
Jane's Addiction
2/5
White noise. Could not differentiate the different tracks on this album and if you told me to name ONE I would struggle.
Funkadelic
4/5
Legalise crack cocaine
Meat Loaf
4/5
They call him 007
0 songs written
0 sex appeal
7 double cheeseburgers
Bad Company
3/5
I had to think about it a bit but this is really a very plain album. I think if any track here came on I would gladly listen to it, but I didn’t find it memorable, and I don’t think I’ll be going out of my way to listen again.
Buena Vista Social Club
4/5
Protesting the Buena Vista Social Club’s tyrannical decision to revoke my membership for the INNOCENT and UNDERSTANDABLE act of getting blind drunk and pissing myself on the one good couch of the members lounge by deducting one star from this otherwise stellar album.
Ms. Dynamite
3/5
Entertaining and groovy but fails to have the same earworm quality as rnb contemporaries.
Elvis Costello
3/5
My least hated Smelvis album so far. Actually enjoyed probably a good 2/3rds of this album but at a certain point it just wore out its welcome altogether.
David Bowie
4/5
The world’s first closeted straight man in another record of sufficient quality to obfuscate historical acts that would irreparably tarnish the legacy of a lesser artist. Some of the B sides fucking stink.
Gillian Welch
2/5
Time (the waster) Gillian Squelch (sound of me standing on a BUG)
Rufus Wainwright
2/5
BOOOOOORRRRRRINNNNNNGGGGGGG
The Flaming Lips
2/5
Great. Another 47 minutes of my PRECIOUS time totally WASTED by BORING ALBUM… I would NOT have otherwise utilised those 47 minutes effectively…
The Velvet Underground
4/5
I had the sneaking suspicion I would fucking hate this but I really enjoyed it. Nice to have a little surprise from time to time. One of the vocalists sounds painfully Californian.
George Harrison
4/5
After achieving independence in 1947, India banned discrimination on the basis of caste and enacted many affirmative action policies for the upliftment of historically marginalised groups, as enforced through its constitution. However, the system continues to be practiced in India and caste-based discrimination, segregation, violence, and inequality persist.
Nanci Griffith
3/5
I mean it’s alright. There are painters at my house sanding the fascia with power tools so I really just wanted to go back to deafening wall of sound EDM to drown that out rather than something subtle like this so might enjoy it more on relisten.
Supergrass
1/5
Boring and gay and retarded. Spotify listing these losers as one of the most important bands of the 90s is like saying Ronald Reagan was one of the most important causes of the USSR collapsing. They didn’t do shit they were just there while it was already happening.
Paul McCartney and Wings
5/5
Beatles goofiness ratings:
1. Ringo (born in DINGLE, Thomas the tank engine VO)
2. Paul (Everything he writes regardless of topic sounds like he’s singing a jaunty tune about repainting your fence)
3. John (shot dead)
4. George (Indian food induced cancer)
Nick Drake
4/5
I could already tell from the album cover that this cunt would be fucking miserable and it is both supreme irony and an absolutely ridiculous method of suicide to go out by ODing on antidepressants.
Most drugs in that class fuck with your neurochemistry so badly you feel like your body is falling apart just tapering on and off small doses, I cannot imagine how agonising a death overdosing them would be.
I liked the album, bothersome that the fella was not appreciated in his lifetime. Instrumentall I found it very engaging, and old mate has a very low and soft tone without being monotonous. Like he’s singing gently. Shame Spotify shuffled the FUCKING ALBUM ORDER.
Beck
3/5
This album would have been significantly better if its runtime were halved. It did not need to keep going that long, the novelty of Becks funky instrumentals are really fun and enjoyable until about the 30 minute mark, until it starts getting a bit samey, and his voice starts to grate a bit. It’s a shame as the start of this album is probably some of his best.
Einstürzende Neubauten
1/5
People who say this sounds like a drill in a metal bucket are wrong, it’s clearly a hammer drill going into concrete.
Morrissey
1/5
When I said the Smiths should get rid of Morrissey I didn’t mean he should make solo albums!!!! Lyricism of a 15 year old redditor
John Lennon
3/5
Very stripped back sort of tracks for the most part. I found the majority to be mediocre aside from working class hero, which honestly stands head and shoulders above the rest of the tracks on the album. Might be that I find that song easiest to relate to as its focus is being angry about your class and not any other emotions. The previous sentence is not a reflection on my ability or lack thereof to regulate my emotions and will be disavowed as a bit if mentioned by any other members of this review group.
Cream
3/5
MUST SEPARATE ART FROM ARTIST.
MUST NOT JOKE ABOUT TRAGIC DEATH OF INFANT SON.
JOIN OPERATION KUSH ON COUNTERSTRIKE
A Tribe Called Quest
5/5
Another banger artist jammed into my adolescent skull by Dave Mirra BMX 2 for the ps2. Thank you Z-Axis studios and to the fella hitting sick mickey flips in bmx valhalla (can only get in if your death was a CTE related suicide)
1/5
The worst thing any off-genre album can be is boring. Listening to this I wish I'd rated throbbing gristle and kollaps higher, even if they were an unorthodox and at times uncomfortable listen, at least they were doing something interesting. This was a drudge of an album.
Scissor Sisters
3/5
You know I would have been very surprised if any members of this group were heterosexual. Obvious standout hit + cover of comfortably numb that sorta makes me think of the zoolander brainwashing bit.
Ramones
4/5
Are the Ramones overrated? Probably. But I’ve seen their logo stretched across enough massive sets of tits in shitty bars to give them the benefit of the doubt.
Led Zeppelin
4/5
OOoooOoooOoo mamamamamama YEAAaaaaaaeeeeaa YEA YEA YEA ooooOooOo little girl I wanna OOOoooo little girl I wanna YAEEAYYEAAYYEAA hepebophiliah isn’t the same thiYEAAHHAA weoooOooooOoOoo
Eminem
4/5
My mum was right to stop me listening to Eminem. Young boys should not be listening to music where the main subject is kidnapping torturing raping and dismembering your bitch ex wife. For every track on here I fondly recall as just kinda goofy you get to a B-side track that you just listen to and go what the fuck man. Also 90’s/00’s rappers fucking HATE gays.
Belle & Sebastian
3/5
She milk my tiger till I *EXTREMELY LOUD BUZZER*
She belle on my seba*EXTREMELY LOUD BUZZER*
She belle on my tiger till I mi*EXTREMELY LOUD BUZZER*
Nothing album that I thought i reviewed, found out weeks later I hadn’t, and found to be merely passable on relisten. Probably more damning that I didn’t remember a single track from this.
John Mayall & The Bluesbreakers
3/5
It was good but I didn’t find it particularly memorable
Talking Heads
5/5
THROUGH THE POWERS OF COCAINE AND AUTISM COMBINED I MAKE WEIRD AS FUCK MUSIC THAT IS WAY AHEAD OF ITS TIME
Joan Armatrading
3/5
Arms trading… despicable…
Pet Shop Boys
2/5
I can see why no one knows any songs by these fellas except west end girls. To start off it’s quite novel, especially if you think about the year it was released, but it really does embody the most annoying synthesiser sounds to come out of the 80’s. A very long 48 minutes.
The National
1/5
Gay loser 2011 coming of age movie that is critically acclaimed and then immediately forgotten soundtrack. Did not like it and don’t know who the audience is that goes out of their way to listen to this. It’s about 15bpm away from being car ad music.
Kanye West
3/5
The title should be: My fucked up incel chud piece of shit life
Kanye is just as corny as Eminem in like 80% of his shit. Actual oiled up freak lyrics throughout. Saved by the production. Get back on your meds man.
4/5
When you are asked, “Do you want the funk?”, the answer should be clear.
The Band
2/5
Fails to distinguish itself from the previous the band album. This is as rote and routine as a colonoscopy is for their geriatric fanbase.
KISS
2/5
I don’t think I will ever understand why kids were so popular. Decidedly MID rock band of the worlds greediest cunts (probably pedophiles too lazy to google).
Michael Kiwanuka
3/5
Listenable and entertaining. Unfortunately did not inspire much thought to put to words.
Peter Gabriel
3/5
I found some of the tracks on this album had a sort of unsettling quality. Haunted house but all the ghouls are sad about something.
The Isley Brothers
5/5
Extremely good. Listened twice back to back. If you’re still cranking out quality like this at album 11 you’re definitely an all time great.
Count Basie & His Orchestra
5/5
Pretty fucking wild move making the cover of your big band jazz album the mushroom cloud of a hydrogen bomb in 1958. If the American public wasn’t already terrified of you (black guy) this would certainly do it.
The White Stripes
2/5
I enjoy the White Stripes and Jack Whites solo ventures, but I found this album to be a bit limp wristed. Did not have the thumping drive you would typically associate with them.
Ali Farka Touré
5/5
I find it very difficult to properly appreciate music from different language groups. Anything with a mutual root with English, my brain makes enough of an intelligible link for the song to catch in my brain, but when it’s something like Arabic, Mandarin, or in this case Malian, the base isn’t there for the little ‘catchy tune’ centre of my brain to put the hooks in so I remember it.
It’s a shame too, because instrumentally this album is sublime, and the vocals strongly complement, but I really struggle to point out any specific track to recall, and not for lack of trying.
This is the type of album I’m very glad to be allocated by this list, as it’s not something I think I’d ever discover organically.
Prince
3/5
I do not the music of the artist formerly known as Prince will ever gel with me. I don’t know what it is about it but it cannot get my attention, and I do not enjoy it.
I won’t deny that it’s competently made, or that the artist is a talented person, but I just don’t get it.
Lynyrd Skynyrd
5/5
It doesn’t matter how overplayed any number of the songs from this album are, this shit goes so fucking hard.
Seriously imagine cleaning up your act after multiple DUI related accidents just to immediately die in a plane crash. Must have been sitting on that piece of shit convair thinking man I should have kept taking Quaaludes.
The Smiths
1/5
Previous Smiths entries so far have been held up by the instrumental end. I don’t know why they pivoted to this baroque knockoff renaissance-fair sound, but picturing Morrissey’s fat gut in one of those silly outfits at least added an element of humour to this dreadful album.
Hole
2/5
Was once drunk as fuck in line for a nightclub and asked some chick in line who was wearing a Hole shirt if she thought Courtney Love killed Kurt Cobain. She said no, and her boyfriend said yes, and they immediately got into a fight about it in line. Pretty sure I fell asleep in my hallway about 2 metres from my bed that night. Good times.
Dolly Parton
5/5
The existence of this album is evidence of a benevolent god.
Megadeth
3/5
Dave Mustaine sings like a cartoon character that’s been grabbed by the throat comically hard. This music gives a general vibe of a long haired, yet balding alcoholic with a Gadsden flag tattoo who really fucking hates that the government makes him have seatbelts in his car (ran on homemade leaded gasoline).
Holy Wars, Hangar 18, and Tornado of Souls are doing a lot of heavy lifting on this album. The rest of it I think could generously be described as competent filler.
T. Rex
3/5
Been stalling on this review specifically because I really struggled to find anything to say about it. It was just okay, inoffensive but uninspiring.
Jethro Tull
4/5
Jethro Tull's most popular album, which is not as good as thick as a brick.
I think that Jethro Tull differentiates itself enough from the pack with a lot of their contemporaries in prog rock, which to be honest around the time they were releasing this stuff was just total slop.
I like the flute :)
Public Enemy
3/5
I liked it better than the other public enemy album we got but I really don't gel with this era of hip hop production wise. I also think flava flav sounds like he has a TBI.
Pet Shop Boys
2/5
Yea very boring
Bill Evans Trio
5/5
Smarter and more articulate people than me have spoken at length about what makes jazz good or not good. I've got nothing to add I think its great.
R.E.M.
2/5
R.E.M. does to former apprentices what the sound of a passing helicopter does to vietnam veterans.
Beck
4/5
Absolutely not to my taste whatsoever. I will never enjoy music that is both slow and sad. Unfortunately I have to admit this is some of Beck's most well performed output of the three albums we've gotten so far.
Orbital
5/5
I will be listening to more orbital in future. This evokes a feeling of knowing too much about computers in 1999. Goes hard as fuck.