Slippery When Wet

No.

In my last review I noted that the jazz album I was assigned was very complicated, and I didn't quite get it. I think the generator heard me and as a prank assigned me Bon-fucking-Jovi, AKA the dumbest, most surface level testosterone filled cock-rock in existence. And while I appreciate the irony I'd be hard pressed to say I don't prefer to listen to something a little less dated. I'm fully aware of the hits on this thing, being a plague upon any sort of karaoke or sing-along. I cannot imagine the quality of the non-hits. Going into this with very low expectations, and I only hope that there is something here warranting my time. Let it Rock From the generic song title I'm expecting a generic song. It's loud, compressed and the keys sound really low quality, while the composition of the intro is kinda interesting it ends up sounding pretty bad on the recording. The energy is pretty okay. Sound kinda hollow. Hate the group vocals. Bon Jovi himself is at least a competent performer, though his voice is kinda rough to listen to. He has a lot of prescense in the recording and I feel he has full control over the track's energy. Omega dated. Did not like. 2/5 You Give Love A Bad Name I feel like it would be reductive to not at least acknowledge that while this track is dumb as all hell, it is still iconic to some degree. Ubiquitous with 80's hair metal, this track is extremely catchy with a well constructed refrain and subsequent guitar hook. It's obnoxious and loud, has some awful lyrics, but it's at the same time so cheesy that it comes out the other end as stupidly charming. It's awful, it shouldn't work at all, but it's also really fun outside of the perspective of it being a tad overplayed. I want to be pretentious and say I hate this, but it's genuinely impossible to. Decent. 3.5/5 Livin' On A Prayer Oh boy, another one... Many of the points in my review of the previous track still technically stand when it comes to this one as well. This one however I have a much less charitable relationship to. When it comes to music that's extremely popular it's often hard to shake your associations with the track when listening to it through a critical lens. When I hear this song I hear drunk people at 3am outside my terribly insulated student appartment badly belting out the chorus on their balcony while I'm trying catch a few hours of sleep before my shitty weekend job the next morning. Is it that bad? Perhaps, no? Have I been one of those drunk people badly belting out the chorus at one point? Perhaps, yes? It's iconic I guess, but for being a plague upon society I'll give myself a freebie and allow myself one single slip up. And while accepting that it's a bit hypocritical as it contains basically all the same qualities as the previous track, I can't shake my biases. I bestow the honour - With all the compliments in the world the title of: God Awful. 1/5. Social Disease Wtf is that intro. Uncomfortable. And this is what you get when a Bon Jovi track lacks any of the aforementioned iconic assosiations that the previous tracks had. The lyrics are extremely unflattering and vapid. Awfully dated production, an annoying chorus and terrible sounding vocals. Sounds almost predatory. Bad. 1/5 Wanted Dead or Alive. Luckily the last one of these megahits and perhaps the least notable one at that. It's cheesy and dumb and extremely unbelievable. Perhaps the single most dated sounded song in the history of mankind. It's like it's approaching the stage of fossilization. I'll give it this, it remains catchy, but those background effects and production techniques do not make the cut. I'd like to picture Bon Jovi as a little kid playing make believe with himself, trying to visuallly imagine himself as this bad ass outlaw in his sandbox. It has that juvenile energy which makes it impossible to take seriously. Strongly dislike. 1.5/5 Raise Your Hands More slop. The main guitar riff is almost okay I guess. Probably works better in the stadium than on the record. Here it only comes across as obnoxious. "From New Jersey to Tokyo", yep those two places have plenty in common, makes perfect sense... The musical equivalent to a lobotomy. Awful. 1/5 Without Love If aliens were to try to replicate human music the lyrics would sound something like this. Beyond ridiculous. Okay this might be the most dated sounded track in the history of mankind. Those synths could genuinely not be replicated today. Baffling, almost so bad it's good. It's at least very entertaining if nothing else. Bad in the best way. 1/5 I'd Die For You The Mayor of Cheesetown himself has outcheesed himself once again. Those synths, those guitars, the vocal delivery... I'm impressed, it cannot get more 1986 than this. Probably the single worst song I've heard from this generator so far, but I can't help but find it fascinating. It's repetitive, it's dumb, it drains me of brain cells, but it's entertaining as all hell with it's cheesiness and over the top camp. I'm broken. 2/5 Never Say Goodbye I'm at a loss for words... No redeemable qualities. Never seems to end. Feels like an infinite loop of the same unbarable chorus. Awful. 1/5 Wild In The Streets I like the energy of the track. As far as this album goes this is one of the more barable choruses, though the vocal delivery is pretty rough. Suffers from the same repetitiveness as many other tracks on here. Contains nothing of substance. A wall of sound with the occasional belting of a madman peaking through it. While some of the other tracks were at least entertaining in their ridiculousness, this one only comes across as annoying. Strongly dislike. 1.5/5 An experience to say the least. Life changing, really. Made me appreciate the smaller things in life, like silence and peace. All the while providing plenty of time for me to contemplate my life choices leading up to me reviewing this interesting piece of media at 1am on a work night. I'm honestly quite impressed by how something that sucks this much can be this entertaining. It's like the audible version of a trainwreck. A sonic puzzle where you're tasked with trying to piece out any sort of substance or meaning out of the corniest lines ever delivered in a set of lyrics. It's incessant in its bombardment of cheese of the lowest quality, enough to make the lactose intolerant amongst us toilet bound for at least the duration of the album's runtime. Has more cliches than a soap opera and contains songs that have been scientifically engineered to be as annoying as possible. With repetitive choruses, mindnumbing guitar hooks and synths that are so obnoxious they could piss off a deaf person, this album is a perfect storm of slop. It's not all bad, as if you're in the right mood this abhorrent datedness can come across as pretty funny - In a "help me!" sort of way. Comes with the worst associations possible, containing songs that have been a plague upon society, forever resistant to any sort attempt to remove them from the public conciousness. In that sense it deserves some respect, as while overplayed and annoying, the hits from this thing has at least managed to establish themselves as iconic songs in the rock 'n' roll canon. And while personally this is an era I can't stand, it remains important especially to the format of live stadium shows. I could definitely see this being innovative as to bringing heavier music into the public sphere. I could also imagine that the techniques used to set up and produce these songs live on stage would be important even today. However as fun as this might be live in Bon Jovi's prime, it doesn't translate well to an album format, especially through modern ears. Bon Jovi's skills as a performer, being a fairly entertaining front man still shines through however, though that alone cannot save how obnoxious I find the songs on here to be, especially as his grating voice adds to my dislike of it. I recognize this is a low hanging fruit for ridicule as this era isn't exactly fondly looked back on from a critical perspective, but I can't help but agree with the sentiment that this is just awful. 1/5 Fave track. You Give Love A Bad Name Least fave track. Never Say Goodbye

This alum has everything the 80's has to offer, but only the bad stuff. Bon Jovi's vocals are a mix between Bruce Springsteen, Axle Rose, and Steve Perry and is not married well at all. The lyrics are so basic and predictable. The rhyming patterns are maybe a hair above what a kindergartener would come up with. I knew roughly half this album from it being played at ball games, grocery stores, crap bars in suburbia, and gas stations. I don't get how this album/music/artist is revered at all, let alone 40 years after this crap came out. Bon Jovi is for D students who peaked in 10th grade and work at an instant oil change place down the road from their ex-wife's house, hoping she comes in for an oil change so he can win her back. 1.5/10 #29/1001

Bon Jovi sucks

The top review for this opens with “One of my absolute favourite things in the world is how much hipsters loathe 80s Bon Jovi.” and I’d just like to say that I loathe Bon Jovi in any decade.

They have a knack for churning out catchy riffs and hook lines. And the man himself as a private citizen seems to be a decent human being. But. By God, the catchy tunes and riffs are so stupid any annoying. Well, except for the bass line and drums at the start of Keep the Faith, before the rest of the band joins in. But that's a different album, anyway. But there's Livin' on a Prayer here, which also starts with an okay bass line before the keyboards come in and all the rest, making it an 80s hair rock anthem. Well, it's socially conscious, much like Springsteen's stuff. But by God I really can't stand the music. If you're wondering: A friend of mine at school was hugely into them, that's why I srill know more about their discography than I wish to know. It's all a bit too much. And yet. Drunk at my uncle's 3rd or 4th wedding reception, I can't guarantee that I won't be air-guitaring and air-fist-pumping to Livin' on a Prayer. So Bon Jovi has that questionable honour over KISS in my hook. Still. What a chore to get through this.

Oh god, not another 80s hair/metal/leotard noise-makers.

👎

Oh good grief, that album title. Oh good grief, the banal lyrics. Oh good grief, the tired cliches. Oh good grief, a talkbox. Oh good grief, the hastily replaced cover art.

I just can't do glam. The cringey lyrics certainly don't help. You've gotta have a lot of skill to pull off sex noises in a song and in my eyes they just don't.

It's sad that this is the only Bon Jovi album on the list. It just feels wrong not to have him on my worst artists list

Bioomerinhalt

The Devil himself is responsible for any hair metal ending up on this list.

here I am, thinking about Bowie and the gallery all over again. in a deliberate attempt to sell as many units as possible, Bon Jovi's third album is devoid of anything that could be called unique or interesting, either topically or instrumentally. I've discussed my frustration at the ubiquity and assumed supremacy of the classic rock canon, and glam metal albums like this represent the nadir of that entire group of recordings. the title must refer to the synths, which are barely audible and only serve to coat the guitars in a layer of gross slime. I'll give Jon Bon Jovi slight props for being a pretty capable singer, but the timbre of his singing voice just makes my skin crawl. the blurb written about Slippery When Wet in the 1001 Albums book talks a lot about how universal the themes of these songs are, and that's all well and good; but, again, Bon Jovi's approach to these themes reveals nothing about who they are as people. one of the reasons Bruce Springsteen, whose influence is all over this music, is so revered is the distinct quality of his lyricism; even when he's telling fictional stories akin to the ones on "Living on a Prayer" or "You Give Love a Bad Name", he places them in a very believable, vivid universe with his writing, both of music and words. a recurring theme with these reviews has been that I really want to hear someone's unique perspective from either of those angles, and I don't feel like I came away from this understanding anything about the members of Bon Jovi as artists or human beings. the band's take on a pop rock sound akin to that of Springsteen or Tom Petty and The Heartbreakers falls more in line with heavy metal, but it's so sanitized that it barely registers as metal. there's guitar solos and power chord riffs, but it never feels blood-pumping, exciting, haunting, or any of the other qualities that great metal can have. so I guess this record simply doesn't work for me at any level. the worst thing an album can do for me is nothing. light 2/10.

Never heard a bon Jovi album before but this was exactly as I was expecting..... Crap! I've always disliked loving on a prayer and you give love a bad name. Reminds me of 2am in my hometown "nightclub" Also don't like the faux bad boy rocker thing

0.5

Oh, just fuck right off. Bollocks to Bon fucking Jovi.

Oh Jesus. So terrible

insane intro.. sitten iskee peruskomppi 50bpm voi saatan. wooooooah wooooooooooooooouh waaaaaaaaoaoooooooaaaaaaaaaa. olden music golden music... ei mene paremmaksi kuin tämä MUSIIKKI ei nykyajan äÅÄRÄT VITTU twerkkaukset paskat puhelin puhelin puhelin pliil poolp vittu VITTU!!!!!! 0% nainen 100% transu 0% awesomeness. EVERYBODY WITH ME: woooooooooooooooooooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa wooooooooooooooooooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. I guess they hate the perceived inauthenticity of it all? Maybe they hate that it's a good bit of fun? Or maybe simply because it's such a "white dude thing" and that's an easy target for hipsters. Either way, fucking lol. I hate it because it sounds like fucking ass deadn or alvi

God i hate bon jovi

This is as generic as it gets. Mass produced with nothing to say.

Мне как-будто в уши накончали, еб твою мать 3/10

I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT

ghostbusters core aesthetic, надоело после 2 песни

Pop hair rock

Man this is bad and just have no redeeming qualities. Lowest common denominator music. At least Jon Bon Jovi seems like a good dude. But man, this list could really help itself ditching this kind of stuff.

Prva pjesma i nije bila toliko loša, ali kad sam čuo drugu oko mi je krenulo titrati. Možda on ima nekih dobrih b strana pjesama, ali od ovih hitova lagano proljevčić kuha u meni O bože, Livin on a prayer me tjera na to da ja sebe propucam kroz srce i da okrivim nju Lagano mi ovo zvuči kao glazba za bajkere koji potajno vole pegging A što ovaj gated kanta sner zvuk ne volim... Nisam ga skuzio na prvu jer sam se zgražao nad drugim stvarima, ali sad kad sam ga čuo, jedino to čujem. Mislim, super kome je ovo dobro, ali ja ću stati ovdje jer po ovome jedino mogu kenjat, a tog sam već i previše napravio

Nah

fine, probably?

such a boring album

A strong contender for the cheesiest record of all time. And it's not gotten any better or more musically meaningful over time. However, in some ways, it's aged perfectly – that is, it still sounds just like it did when it came out, as an absolute satire of every bad '80s trend in instrumentation, studio production, power balladry and popular culture. But there's no doubting this hair band's sincerity. JBJ clearly thought he should have been take as seriously as the more substantive rock stars (not mentioning the obvious comp out of respect). Richie thought he was Jimmy Page. The record also manages to revive awful '70s arena rock tropes, including squalling guitar solos, singalong choruses, hand clapping, whistles and crowd noise, etc. ("Raise Your Hands" is the poster child for these undead excesses). And let's not even talk about the fashion sense and hair styles – what an embarrassment this is (or should be) for all involved (thankfully, one was not in the least). "Love is a social disease" is the cleverest lyric (not that it's a high bar) but the massively cheesy (and unnecessary) horns (which sound CGI-generated) of this particular track more than undercut the wit, or what passes for it. Lines such "Remember when we lost the keys / you lost more than that in my back seat baby" speaks to an earlier, perhaps more innocent time in America (or at least in the Garden State) but also preclude one from giving this band any benefit of the doubt (the guitar solos in "Never Say Goodbye" close the case). It's not even worth a moment of consideration that one might be missing something. And one hesitates to call this heavy metal, a mostly loathsome genre in one's view, because that would be an insult to metalheads. Critics who were unkind to BJ must ask themselves what else they could have done to stop this juggnernaut of bad taste, why they weren't even crueller. What a waste of time (other than being good for a chuckle) and certainly a waste of a slot in the RRHOF and in this esteemed list. 1.5 > 1 ... rounding down because one fears too many people still like this lot.

On principal I have to drag this down

Slippery when wet. Like your Mum. No album on this list so far has made me cringe this much. It's just Springsteen blue collar nonsense but with Kiss doing the music. I skipped through most tracks as I could feel I was growing a mullet.

No one should ever have to listen to this derivative, bland, tripe. 0/5 stars.

Boring butt rock

многообещающее синтезаторное начало. классический глэм рок. ну такое, мне не оч. скип на начале второго трека

Please no. The songs that have some semblance of decency have been so overplayed that I can't help but run for the hills when I hear the first note. The rest are just bad. And not all hair metal is bad. Give me Def Leppard over Bon Jovi any day of the week.

From Adam: Immediately played Boston - More Than a Feeling after the bon jovial album was over and I’m like, “One small step for man…. One giant leap for mankind…” From Drew: I think my biggest criticism of this album is that it’s not timeless. It’s too much of its time. Maybe thats what makes it good though. A historical marker of sorts From Adam: Sure. Could be a positive. And a good reason to listen to it at least once. I think for me it’s the monotony of the super basic major chord progressions. It’s crazy predictable, plus his voice is so silly… I think I used to have patience for this voice, but it’s just so uninteresting. It’s like American Idol voice without the talent of the best ones… From Drew: Fuck this album I can’t do it. I made it to living on a prayer. The next song had horns!

unbearable. I finally understand buttrock though. even buttrock is a perfect expression of some part of human experience. buttrock is for when you feel aggressively normal. it's unbearable to listen to in one sitting even if you are aggressively normal, is the problem

really not interested in butt rock and im glad its over

Nope.

Horrible stuff

I grew up with many of these songs, so it's somewhat surprising how little I can stand them at this point. Any soft spot I may have is more tumorous than endearing.

Wait a minute. I think this is supposed to be on the list of 1001 albums that you should listen to, to make you die.

I hate this with every fibre of my being. This album in particular is especially offensive, but really most of this kind of thing from that era is intolerable. It's not Bon Jovi's fault, there are a ton of classic songs on here and the ones I know, I know quite well. It's just that this stuff has been played endlessly on mediocre classic rock station and dive bars. It's just cringe at this point. If I never heard Dead or Alive again in my lifetime, it won't be soon enough.

★½

Utter crap

Fucking kill me already

Milquetoast. Putting any more effort into describing it would do a disservice to my brain.

Ah yes, the album that made me give up on "metal" for over 20 years. After heavy rock slowly morphed into hair metal through the '80s, we get this. It's the culmination of "metal" becoming bullshit pop music. It's basically the antithesis of everything I believe in musically. This is throwaway industry garbage that can only be enjoyed through a very thick lens of nostalgia.

Just about my least favorite musical style. Where did hair metal go? I think it just evolved into new country. Good god.

I know this is not meant to be particularly deep, but it could stand to be clever and more sincere. By the end of this album, I'm left feeling exhausted and a little gross while thinking of other albums that better represent this genre.

Ive never liked glam. I did like "You Give Love a Bad Name" and "Living on a Prayer" . Still not good

Siempre los he odiado

On behalf of the sane people from the Garden State, you suck Jon.

Make it stop, why would you subject me to this?

Very dated. Wanted Dead or Alive can't even save this record. Unlistenable.

bleib mir weg

Hated it then, hate it now. Spinal Tap without the jokes.

The hair. The hits. The bad taste of the 80s. Ugh

Pretty unlistenable

This is garbage.

05/1001 I had heard good things about Bon Jovi, but I think this album is not one of them. It was boring and I honestly didn't feel like there was anything enjoyable or interesting about any song. I don't know if all work is like this but I hope not.

I refuse to listen to this fucking album, having been subjected to it mercilessly when it came out in the 80s because it was a favorite of my mom's, and somehow still pummeled regularly by songs from this album, even 40 fucking years later. I have always fucking hated everything about Bon Jovi. Nothing about him appeals to me on any level. HARD PASS.

That's 43 minutes of my life I won't get back. I found no benefit to hear this album as a whole. Mid 80's pop metal/hard rock at it's cringiest - a little synth, some serviceable guitar by Richie Sambora, but utterly forgettable. This wasn't my thing when it first came out and my views haven't changed. Most of the songs have such vacuous lyrics. This has aged like milk for me. I will concede Livin' On A Prayer and Never Say Goodbye are decent songs, but even that won't save it from being a 1 star album for me.

I'm not going over this one again.

Я не осознавал, как много мне приходилось слушать этот альбом, когда я был молодым. Если я собираюсь слушать Heavy Metal, он должен быть тяжелее.

Quintessential mid-80's pop hair-metal band. Possibly a definitive Bon Jovi album if there is such a thing. Not my style then and I haven't softened my opinion since. It was tough to force myself to listen to this one because it is so cringy

I hate Bon Jovi

Fuck bon jovi

Make it stop.

Hell nah

Combines my two least favorite genres, metal and pop. Tried to like it but no luck. 1/5

Didn't like the songs I already knew, didn't like the songs that I'd never heard before. Absolute shite.

shot through the heart and youre to blame you give new jersey a bad name 1.5/5

With some artists it's important to remember the 5 Ds : Dodge, duck, dive, dip and ..... dodge. Whatever it takes to avoid a crap album. Just be careful that you don't slip though (cue drum roll) boom

Eekk a shit horrible combo of guitars and hair

Tried give the album an unbiased listen despite my initial misgivings and low expectations based on memories from when it came out and the seemingly endless playing of the hits Wish I hadn't bothered, turns out I was right all along. It's shit.

Painful. It hit every nerve in me that cried, "This is terrible." Somehow I listened to the whole thing, but it wasn't for me at all I am quite aware that there will be people for whom this is their #1 of all time. Let's agree to disagree.

det här är ett skämt va?

I thought i'd give this a 2 rather than a 1, as it does have A LOT of hits (although they're all pretty bad). But the deep cuts on here are some of the worst songs i've ever heard.

I'd rather just die.

80s metal is one of my least favorite things.

Ick

living on a prayer, the perfect song if you want a more grating and less poetic Springsteen song to play at a Christian fundamentalist wedding

first half of this album is truly dog ass; second half is tolerable. whole experienced is saved only by the big hits and "I'm a cowboy on a steel horse I ride" (ironically). best tracks: you give love a bad name, without love

fuck Bon Jovi

Horrible

I sure as Hell won't become THIS kind of uncle. I draw the line here.

So Bad. I think the lyrics are the worst part. They're one rock and roll cliché piled on top of another with rhyming schemes that are laughable. I'm proud that for the most part I don’t recognize any of these songs. By 1986 I was listening to college radio exclusively and managed to be oblivious to all of this horrid 12X platinum pop metal for the masses. Some of the guitar solos seem OK but I'll let my brother be the judge.

The album cover sucks, the title "slippery when wet" is cliched and the music is an abomination. Why 1,001 decided that this horrible hair-band album deserved inclusion is beyond me. This is one of the worst that I've heard yet.

"This woman descended from the ceiling on a pole and proceeded to take all her clothes off. When she got in a shower and soaped herself up, we just about lost our tongues. We just sat there and said, 'We will be here every day.' That energized us through the whole project. Our testosterone was at a very high level back then." PREFS : Raise Your Hands, Wild in the Streets MOINS PREF : Social Disease

Shit sandwich

Urgh… insincere Didn’t like it then … don’t like now

noooooooo, horrible

Insipid nonsense. Moving on swiftly...

Niestety to nie pierwsze rodeo z Bon Jovi, ale skoro juz mialem okazje sie meczyc z tym albumem wczesniej, to nie musze strzepic uszkodzonego palca dzisiaj na przemyslenia albumowe, bo z niewielka liczba band mam tak negatywne wspomnienia jak z Jovinami

I don’t like this at all.

Music hating aliens took over human brains, only explanation this meaningless dumb garbage ever became popular. A well deserved 1.

I know some very uncool people live for this shit, but I'm better than them and better than this.

Bad

It reminded me how the 80s almost killed rock in a stadium.

Crappy 80's arena rock. There's a few kind of listenable songs but most are just obnoxious filler.

Under no circumstances.

No thanks.

Do i have to? Did, 1 What a dogshit steak I've been on

Surprisingly just about listenable!

Quintessential cockrock, almost every song goes on for a bit longer than it needs to. Fav tracks: - Without Love (cuz it's the shortest one) Least fav: - Let it Rock - Social Disease - Wanted Dead Or Alive - Raise your Hands

God how I hate Bon Jovi, and so called Hair Rock. Awful

Still sucks.

Why does anyone listen to this shit. The most overproduced garbage out there the death of a decent genre. Thanks mtv

I groaned when I saw this as my album of the day; but as one does I soldiered through it and thought that maybe I would be pleasantly surprised by the deep cuts. I was not. They were exactlt what I expected them to be. To be fair I can see why people would like this, but its just not for me at all. To be unfair there were so many better metal albums released in 1986, some that were rather iconic even. The fact that this album helped push the godawful genre of hair metal to new heights of popularity is an unforgivable sin. Frig off, Bon Jovi.

Garbage. Trash. Garbage.

le temple du ringard un peu

Traaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaash.

It’s really… basic.

Ugh. No. Just no. Will give it the old college try, but I'm surprised to see anything by them making the list. Turns out I like Some of it, especially the Desmond Child songs. It's fine. Just never completely grabs me. Probably a 2 at best, but that's an achievement coming from me (my head was screaming "1" from the moment the album appeared). Nope, sorry. It's a 1.

Minus 1,000,000 stars!

Yeah this sounds like the same song over and over and over. Some albums can get away with that. This one definitely doesn't.

Ugh

vaya pedazo de mierda humeante. tiene 3 rolas buenas y las 3 fueron los sencillos. las demás, vomitivas.

Nee, Jon Bon en ik werkt niet samen. Ik schiet toch altijd een beetje in de lach..

Non merci

I hate JBJ

Hahaha I'm not gonna listen to this shit. Automatic one star

I thought i'd give this band a chance, but no, this shit really fucking sucks.