Really enjoyed this. Of course by enjoyed, I mean I tolerated it. By tolerated it, I mean I'd rather smother by body in chilli and get fucked by all members of The Incredible String Band wearing condoms laced with razor blades, whilst my Internet search history is read to everyone I've ever met, than ever listen to this ever again.

I mean, it's Imagine by Julian Lennon's dad, it's a bit 'meh'. Jealous Guy is a good song....towards the end it made me punch a wall...but at least it wasn't my wife, eh John?

Like a limp dick dipped in cold custard.

Comfortably shit

I really liked this. Well, by liked, I mean tolerated it. Well, by tolerated it, I mean I would rather have my eyeballs injected with spider eggs, whilst having by pubes yanked out by an aggressive Bulgarian dinner lady, all the while a parrot is screeching "Jordan Henderson is the best in the world" down my ear, with every woman I've ever fancied and my family and friends all watching on; than ever listen to a single second of this ever again.

Was wonderful. I danced and danced and danced... then broke down and punched a wall. It reminded me of Otis Redding's early work. I did find 'Ghostface' very upsetting though #wlm

I felt like a sexy latino on a sun drenched beach in a quiet fishing town in Cuba sipping pina coladas and smiling at the world. Then I got angry that I wasn't on a beach in the sun, drinking and punched a wall.

I mean, it's Imagine by Julian Lennon's dad, it's a bit 'meh'. Jealous Guy is a good song....towards the end it made me punch a wall...but at least it wasn't my wife, eh John?

It probably did sound like the 5th dimension in 1966 with elements of experimental chamber psych, but in 2021, it sounds very 2D. Pleasant enough...you can hear the lads have had some lsd and are trying something different here, but it wasn't anything that piqued my interest for too long.

Yeah, it was fine, wasn't it? I had a lovely relaxing first hour at work feeling soothed by her tones. Would you SHACK?

Kind of thing SHACK's mum likes as she watches him swish his hair.

Wings? They're only the band The Beatles could've been! ............. Someone else will write this.

I just didn't give a fuck about this at all. Sorry Scott. I can barely remember it.

I felt like a humanised piece of sperm floating in eternity.

⛷🦴🤟🏿

Green River always has a warm place in our hearts. The way Fogerty and the boys created the album was loads of work to get it all together. Green River is the first Creedence Clearwater Revival album that follows an awesome formula that made them such hitmakers in the history of rock. CCR’s Green River was indeed one of the bands who paved the way for psychedelic music, and this is why the band kicks ass. John Fogerty, in this album, showcased his vocals and made damn sure that his voice was one of the best in rock n’ roll ever. And as a whole, Green River shows the band moving forward from some of their extended jam sessions of previous albums and focusing on greatness and more direct radio-friendly without having to lose their rock roots. Final thought: Green River is the first Creedence Clearwater Revival album still wholly listenable to this day.

Fucking hell. I listened to the first song and couldn't be arsed. I will rate anyway, just for the numbers.

Like a limp dick dipped in cold custard.

Laden with the N word and tales from the hood, you can see how this album became the inspiration for bands like Coldplay and Glasvegas. NWA walked so Elbow could fly. . I could have said 'so Doves could fly', which would be better, but I don't mind Doves and Elbow can go suck a dick.

Overrated.

Wow. This made me want to have lamb chops for breakfast. I can't remember a thing about it.

We're supposed to all agree that this is perfect, aren't we? It was the first of the 'groundbreaking' Radiohead albums after their early indie efforts. Exit Music is my favourite Radiohead song. Still think The Bends is better though.

⭐⭐⭐⭐

For someone who hates meat, he's very gammon. He would hate SHACK's breakfast choices.

Derivitive of Sexy Breakfast's early demos

Comfortably shit

Erm... Yeah, George Michael, the least talented one from Wham! Andrew Ridgeley's post-Wham! albums were so, so much better. The world just hasn't realised yet.

This hit me like a blunderbuss to the face. I was expecting something entirely different. I'm still not sure how I feel about it. Large parts of it were like the Monster Mash.

Hated the first song. Won me over by Take the Weather. Been on repeat since. Looking for a signed vinyl collection if anyone knows of any. Looking forward to the Castlefield Bowl gig in July.

Nah, fuck this.

Examples of heroes are:- Our Lord Jesus Christ, Kris Akabusi, Jade Goody, Michael Barrymore, Purple Aki, Captain Sir Tom, Jesse Lingard, SHACK, Rosie from Rosie and Jim, Jo Wiley's sister, Harvey Price and Sunshine.

I've long suspected that, not unlike most of the Liverpool team, Bob Dylan is a souped up mega-nonce. This boy-hungry predator who can't sing or play harmonica, still manages to knock out a decent LP...presumably simply to lure in innocent children. For them, Highway 61 should never be revisited, for us it's fine.

What a bunch of cowardly pussies these lads are. Trying to act all tough, but we know you just crave your mother's loving teet.

Yeah, good.

It"s fine, if not unremarkable. I'd use some of the songs in a coming of age indie movie set in Wisconsin.

Some good, lots whiny.

Robert Plant is a bit of a 'nob with vocals akin to Pat Sharp scraping his mullet down a blackboard. Overblown in places. Wanky guitar solos at times, but fine I suppose.

More politically complex versions of the songs from Toy Story 2. The worst one. Actually, 4 is the worst one, but I don't consider that to be in the proper film in the series, as it falls outside of Andy's character arch.

Utterly shit. Like a poor man's Papa Roach

A thundering volley of whingeing fuck knuckles.

Ergh. I expected this is actually be alright, but it was absolutely fucking shit and really irritated me.

I went out for a walk this afternoon and regretfully put this on to accompany me. Starts off okay, then quickly becomes a limping foetus, then gains friction again, before firmly face planting into the forgettable friend zone.

Made me want to have non-consensual sex with myself.

🤘🤘🤘🤘🤘🤘🤘🤘🤘🤘🤘🤘🤘🤘🤘🤘🤘🤘🤘🏿🤘🏿🤘🏿🤘🏿🤘🏿🤘🏿🤘🏿🤘🏿🤘🏿🤘🏿🤘🏿🤘🏿🤘🏿🤘🏿🤘🏿🤘🏾🤘🏾🤘🏾🤘🏾🤘🏾🤘🏾🤘🏾🤘🏾🤘🏾🤘🏾🤘🏾🤘🏾🤘🏽🤘🏽🤘🏽🤘🏽🤘🏽🤘🏽🤘🏽🤘🏽🤘🏽🤘🏽🤘🏽🤘🏽🤘🏽🤘🏽🤘🏽🤘🏽🤘🏼🤘🏼🤘🏼🤘🏼🤘🏼🤘🏼🤘🏼🤘🏼🤘🏼🤘🏼🤘🏼🤘🏼🤘🏼🤘🏼🤘🏻🤘🏻🤘🏻🤘🏻🤘🏻🤘🏻🤘🏻🤘🏻🤘🏻🤘🏻🤘🏻🤘🏻🤘🏻🤘🏻🤘🏻 Deep Purple? I prefer Pink.

This is shit, but I'm going to rank it above Lennon just for bantz.

Pimpin' ain't easy indeed.

MAD-chester. Has anyone used that before? Haven't listened to this for a long time. It was very enjoyable...especially juxtaposed with some of the shit we've had on here this week. Well done lads.

The band were fuckin' wank and I'm not having a nice time.

BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY. You simply have to conclude that Robert Plant fucks babies.

Some of it sounded like The Jam, with a hint of The Smiths and even Madness. Got a bit too 80s and keyboardy at times. What I'm trying to say is, they're like a shit Keane.

No.

It's actually 'Sidewalk'.

This doesn't have All the Young Dudes on it, so what's the point? It's such a shame Nigel has left us and we won't get a tale about when he motted someone's mum's hoople.

It's fucking Meatloaf! Of course it gets 5 stars. That was my review before actually listening to it. My God, what a colossal heap of shit this is. Music for jockeys who've had too much cocaine.

Blissfully drifted away on a sunny Friday morning. The mellow sounds made be want to swim in a tranquil sea...with a group of people, in order to stop the tyranny of our Hollywood paedophile overlords.

The man who what, Travis? The man who what? It's been 22 years and we still don't fucking know, damn it.

Hmm well...

I prefer beige Coldplay to technicolour rainbow ft. Rhianna Coldplay. This is going to get hammered on here, but it's alright. Unspectacular and uninspiring, but alright.

Oooh you're hard, Nick, talking about murder and death and dark stuff.

😒 Not for me, Clive.

Nice. What a avant garde way of doing things, stick the same song on twice in a row and see if you can drive your audience insane. Spaz jazz.

I suppose you had to be there.

Not as good as 90s WWF tag team The Beverly Brothers... but frankly, what is?

I know, right? I just don't like it that much.

Jaunty

Good I suppose. I bet 'Baby, Baby, Baby' is Robert Plant's favourite song from this. The creepy nonce.

Beige cable knit jumpers and tucked in, short sleeve shirts with ties suggested this would be fun. It was....mostly. Sean Lock in the bottom corner there too.

What a load of shite. It's like they were 6th form students asked to do an impression of an 80s Christian rock band at Eurovision. I started finding it funny though due to how bad it was, like they can't have been serious. I suppose I can't give it 1 star, because I did take some enjoyment from it, but absolutely not in the way they intended.

Out of the blocks fast, before belly flopping. They should steer clear of the ballads. Hey, you hear that, Mick? It's probably too late. Yeah, just checked it out, The Rolling Stones have had loads more songs since this. How can you have an album with Sympathy for the Devil as the opener and the follow it up with such filler crap? It picks up again a bit, but I was angry after tracks 2 and 3.... well not angry, but disappointed.

It's the album Prince Philip will have blaring out as he's lowered into his grave. As if we're not getting a bank holiday. That is most upsetting.

Remember in the mid 90s when a bunch of singers covered Perfect Day? Like Heather from M People smashing the granny out of it. David Bowie, The Lightning Seeds and bloody Boyzone!!! What a time.

It's fine, but it's hardly "OH MY GOD HAVE YOU HEARD THE NEW NEW ORDER RECORD", is it?

More 70s gold. I bet Robert Plant's favourite is 'Everybody Loves me, Baby'. Absolute baby botherer.

Went on for too long.

Yeah, I thought it was pretty good. People always ask who's your Arsenal. For me it's not the invincibles, it's not "it's up for grabs now" Michael Thomas Fever Pitch et al Arsenal, it's not record breaking FA Cup winning Arsenal or Xhaka getting sent off or Jack Wilshere getting injured. No, it's Carl Jenkinson and co getting beaten 8-2 at Old Trafford with "with a packet of sweets and a cheeky smile, Arsene Wenger is a paedophile " playing in the background.

🦀 Just songs that are on in indie movies about heartbreak and finding yourself. Maybe a guy is in love, with the quirky new girl, but you later find out he was touched by the P.E teacher when he was 6 and the quirky girl is his daughter. I might write that actually.

Right okay, what's this?

Dennis Bergkamp

Helicopters on Mars vs European Super League IV: Sex Dwarf.

Less fun than I thought it would be. Fun Fact: Robert Plant's favourite tracks off this are Baby Boomerang and Baby Strange. I think we know why.

Go wank over a spreadsheet, you nonce.

Erm... alright

Couldn't care less. Where's his big hat at? A pair of crunchy truncheons.

Second Elton John album we've had. Second Elton John album we've had that's not very good.

Where the fuck are they finding these albums? (I know it's from that book). Robert Plant's favourite from this is Ruby Baby. He likes fucking babies...even ruby ones.

John Peel's wet dream. I could only just about muster a semi.

Modern life IS rubbish. It was a lot better in 1993 with Mr. Blobby, Blind Date and Man Utd about to dominate. The only good thing about life now is online pornography and West Bromwich Albion's mascot, Boilerman. And we haven't been able to even see him for over a year now....apart from in online pornography.

Go on the Krautrocks. Thomas Tuchel loves it. He's tops off on the autobahn.

Gentle, pleasant and soothing are just three ways to describe this soft, warm caress that Simon and Garfunkel provide on this album. It also describes the way your mum sucks off your dad and his mates from the pub. Yes, YOUR mum. 🍆

Very enjoyable. Thank you.

Headddddds

It had several songs which were unavailable to play in my country. It wasn't a great shame. It was alright. Standard 60s shiz. Like SHACK shagging the chippy tranny.

More warbelling about babies from the Plantmeister. Not nearly as many on this one, but I'm sick to death of Led Zeppelin coming up on here. Three times already. At least that means only one to go.

How many times have I told you guys it's black monk time? Now, finally, here we are. It was the most fun I've ever had.

Even by David Bowie's standards this is Low.

Turn and face the strange. Bowie Wednesday and Thursday, what a treat. What a shape shifter. What a great set of hits. Phwoar!!! 🦀🐓🦄🦓🦏🦇🐧🦈🕷

Not arsed.

🍆

Miles likes jazz.

But, what's Kelly Osbourne up to these days?

The piano was annoying at the start. I thought that that was just going to be an intro, but the shit show just continued. Sorry Weller, but it's just a big pile of wank. Utter horse shit. Unacceptable.

Probably says 'honky' a few too many times.

I suppose so. Not as popular as Urban Hymns, so I suppose it's cooler, right? It's not better.

Ahhh it's not great, is it? 🧑‍🦽

Big Attack would suffice. No need to be arrogant. An example of a massive attack is Andy Carroll and SHACK.

☠💌🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🦐

Kind of thing Dave would rate as 5 stars.

Don't believe the hype. Scott scores this 5 stars...as he does with every hip hop/rap album...because he's so punk.

Where the hell were Pat Sharp and the twins?

2nd time in two days? Give us a break. I'm just going to assume it was similar to the other one. Fine, I'll listen to a bit.... ... It's similar to the other one. Fun fact: Robert Plant's favourites from this are Rebirth and Lost at Birth.

How the fuck are there two Wilco albums in this list? It's alright, but hardly noteworthy. Christ, what if there's more? Fun fact: Wilco sleeps upside down.

Oh shit.

Hallelujah

Brilliant, breathtaking, beautiful. A truly life affirming, life changing journey of music. One for the ages. I've just been to get a Hawkwind tattoo on my chest...and neck...and penis. Just incredible.

Was only able to listen to two of the four songs, so can't fully judge. The other two were probably excellent.

I enjoyed a lot of it. No need for the deluxe edition again, guys. I've not got 2 and a half hours in me. Felt like the Man Utd Villareal penalty shoot out.

Like a ship sailing into lava. What a weird, touchy, rapey, gothy creep.

Haha Queen Latifah though. I don't throw the term 'anal chaos' out often, but today it seems right.

😶 < Michael Stipe.

🐼

Maccaroni and beef. Fun fact: oh baby is Robert Plant's favourite from this album.

Fuck off Bono. Fun Fact: Led Zeppelin's Robert Plant chose this album title from a shortlist of 16 including Achtung Adult and Achtung Teenager.

Delighted to see this here.🌐🌐🌐🌐🌐🌐🌐🌐🌐🌐🌐🌐🌐🌐🌐🌐🌐

💧 trying too hard

Fuelled my 5g mania.

I mostly couldn't be bothered. Didn't have any of the hits. At least have the hits! Deaddie Mercury.

💚💛🖤

The name screams "prog-rock"... let's find out.... Haha it was confirmed after the first note. Rock n Roll pussy. A colourful clusterfuck.

As someone who has started a mosh pit watching Metallica, I feel like I'm very qualified to judge this. It's not very good. They were also not very good live, which is why we started a mosh pit to liven it up. I think they're incredibly uncool. 🤟🤘🤟🤘

Go on, Southampton. I thoroughly enjoyed this.

Suppose

Bob Dylan innit.

🎄

Look, we all know Robert Plant's favourite from this is "baby"...that's a given. I thought it was pretty cool.

American slacker fun.

Nah, not having this. Music for nonces.

Erm... well, it was good. I listened to it this morning, but my day has been rather broccoli heavy to be honest. Everything else has taken a backseat. 🥦🥦🥦🥦🥦🥦🥦

👾

Like swinging a pig's dick in the wind on a Wednesday afternoon in April.

Dead good innit.

Get these guys a statue. 2nd best band from the Isle of Man... Sexy Breakfast if you're wondering...

An intergalactic fuck party. Meow. Meow. Meow. Get your tits out and jiggle.

Sexy motherfucker

What a fucking tune Victoria is.

Dogshit. Better then Bono though.

J'aime. The Strokes love it.

🍆💦

'You're just a baby' is Robert Plant's favourite from this. The guy loves babies. Not in a good way.

It didn't inspire me to dance in the office at 10am on a Monday morning. Top funk would have. The whole office would be up off their seats, with every demographic represented, in a rainbow-coalition of dancing.

Patrick Vieira's round head

Baby Lee is Robert Plant's favourite. Fancies babies. Nonce.

Thom Yorke's weird little talented face. Not as up its own ass as OK Computer and not as revered...but it's better, isn't it? Tweek my nipples.

It's like eating, and then shitting out a metal belt.

Prefer the old order

Fine, but a bit boring. Hardly a jamboree of joy. I used to always turn over when they came up on the music channels in the early 00s.

Miles likes jazz.

I was voted teenager of the year in 1997. Incredible that I won it really, having only been a teenager for 14 days, but there you go. I remember Scott Kelly being particularly upset by this as he'd been a teenager for longer. He now goes by the username of spackers, so that's the kind of guy he is and shows you that he never stood a chance. Spackers. I mean, come on. Anyway, this album was good.

Harry seems happy here. Strong album name.

Music has the right to children. SHACK also has the right to children.

AND IT'S LIVE! I actually think it's pretty cool. Mister Kelly is a bit of a nonce though.

🕺Tastes like rusty cum.

Little Mark with a C with his flowing hair.

SHACK is absolutely loving it. Tops off and knee slides everywhere. Windmilling in a toddler's face. You can't deny the impact this had on a generation...especially on SHACK in that song where they discuss fucking a 15 year old.

Erm...it was okay. 👌

 Regarded by many as Simone's greatest artistic triumph, Wild is the Wind his a collection of very different songs that work together on multiple levels. They work as social commentary, the singer voicing her frustration with the limited opportunities of African American women in a ways both overt and subtle. They also work as a showcase for the artist's versatility, as she tackles everything from sexy soul to soothing pop, from traditional folk to angry blues. Simone was not just capable of playing in these varied mediums; she could turn each into mesmerizing performance art, powerful self-expression composed of elegance and drama simultaneously.

Fuck me, what an assault on every one of my senses this is. I guess you aren't supposed to take it seriously, so I won't. A helter-skelter of magic, colour and bonin' in the boneyard. One of those 80s albums where they just threw everything at it and hoped for the best. Freddie's dead. Wild. Truth and Soul.

As smooth as a snake wearing a condom as a coat.

Oh my

🤶🏿🍒🚕🌪💧🐫

🚪🚪🚪🚪🚪🚪

Ergh. Nah, not having this. Only interested in Nimrod and Dookie.

If you're into that sorta thing. I bet I could beat that deaf dumb and blind kid at pinball.

Eddie's an absolute lad isn't he? I enjoyed this way more than I was expecting to, I thought we were in for much more guitar wankery. It's a lot more classic hard rock, as opposed to metal, than I was anticipating. Very good.

Avant garde

YES! Finally we can all let our hair down and have a boogie to some 80s power pop. What a day!

I think Stone Cold Steve Austin would beat these three in a handicap match.

It made me so soft, my cock ring fell off in the supermarket.

The rest of the album doesn't hold up to Time to Pretend, Kids and Electric Feel, but those three are fucking huge tunes...although were played to death a bit at the time. Let's shoot some heroin and fuck with the stars, I suppose.

Did you know? Mayfield was paralyzed from the neck down after lighting equipment fell on him during a live performance at Wingate Field in Flatbush, Brooklyn, New York, on August 13, 1990.

But, the Queen still isn't dead. It's still very good, isn't it? Despite Morrissey being Morrissey. Did you know? Harry Enfield and Bob the Builder were in the original line up for The Smiths.

Didn't expect this. It was really good. I do want it darker, Leonard. You should have done this years ago. Dead now though, eh. You silly bollocks.

TWIST HIS DICK!

Unleash the ravens

Pleasant I suppose. Fun fact: Robert Plant's favourite tune from this album is 'Good to my Baby. He also LOVES 'Kiss me, Baby'. Huge, huge fan of babies is Bobby.

I've never given a flying fuck about Jimi Hendrix. It was fine.

🦍🐷🐫🐗🐮🐻🦨🐸

Young Neil is back and this time with a horse...and by the looks of it, a dog too...and a tree. This summer, from the producers of Neil Young's other work, Neil Young is Neil Young in: "Everyone Knows This is Nowhere". In cinemas soon.

It's incredible that a bunch of kids with learning difficulties can deliver music of this quality.

Before Iggy was a big wrinkly bag of skin. Hurtles towards you like a firework in a skip.

Album title says it all, right?

The sound of a jug of thick cream lashing against the pert behind of an Argentinian tango dancer...probably.

Big Curtis is back again so soon. Super Fly Jimmy Snuka rates this amongst his favourite albums of 1972.

Sweet Dreams is obviously a great song, I just couldn't be bothered with the rest of it. I know that's very lazy of me, but what are you gonna do?

I too have shot billiards with a midget until the rain stopped. What are you waiting for, Tom? Just do it!

Dripping with fanny

Honestly, it was all just research for a book.

Pffffffft. Thought it was going to be better than it was.

I know I should care more, but I just can't even

Pretending to be good at music, right? Am I right? Like they're not actually good at music, they're only pretending...because they're The Pretenders...they pretend to do stuff. In this instance, they're pretending to make music, but fail to... It's all Pretend. They're The Prenenders. I'm not sure if you're getting it.

I did not like this very much.

196 albums in and finally The Beatles. They sound like an overweight pig on a skateboard, wheezing in the Autumn sun...in a good way.

Bit Shit.

https://youtu.be/OaqxIXs_mn4 ^sums it up

Up The Talilads

"...Nah, was much sicker than that. It involved a midget in a nappy, a life size model of SHACK and a sex swing."

Three points:- Kid A is probably actually Kid D in terms of Radiohead album rankings. Kid A is number one son Chris McCormick. This album is too old for Robert Plant's taste.

Scott and Bort once went to see these guys play at a Lost Prophets exhibition or something. On display they had the cover of Nevermind by Nirvana. The baby from that cover was in Laibach and also featured heavily in several Lost Prophets videos. I think that's how that story goes.

Benjamin Mendy

Bob Dyldo.

Not arsed

🤧

Ergh. Stop me if you think that you've heard this one before. Again it's quite good...he's makes good music. Just a shame he's such a bad crab.

These guys have no rhythm.

This really isn't me.

Probably amongst the worst things from the house of darkness malarkey. I might need to get some drugs in.

Shite. Like, really shite.

Prefer apple juice

Jaw-droppingly average.

It's crazy that these four guys all jizzed into the Queen's hole and 9 months later produced a royal, sweat-free, pizza hut dwelling definite non-nonce.

Like wanking in a wheelbarrow. Uncomfortable and perverse.

Enjoyable fudge packing. If I was to describe this as a footballer, it would be Marco Reus.

No thanks, Sabres of Paradise. If this was a footballer, it'd be Jason Puncheon.

Probably stomached enough of Leonard by this point. If this was a footballer, it'd be Phil Neville.

If this was a footballer, it'd be Dimitar Berbatov during his career wind down at Fulham.

Footballer = Zlatan

Uber blues. Couldn't be arsed with the whole thing. It's probably unfair to judge this because everyone has heard the blues been done so, so, so many times that it all just sounds the same. Maybe this was pioneering at the time...but who gives a fuck? If it was a footballer, it'd be Michael Ballack. Not due to ability, but because he played for Chelsea, a team in blue and also, more importantly because like Eric Clapton, who features in this, his son died. Yeah, sue me.

Sounds like a half melted bin lid bravely battling against a ferocious inferno. It doesn't really, but that's what I'm going with. If it was a footballer, it'd be Dwight Yorke.

Like a slice of slightly burnt, dry toast. Edible, but not very satisfying. If it was a footballer, it'd be James Tarkowski.

Maybe you just had to be there and I'm being over-critical, but then again maybe Hitler wouldn't have been so grumpy if people weren't ignoring his high 5s all the time. If it was a footballer, it'd be Dominic Solanke. SHACK loves lamb chops

She was surprisingly dull when I saw her live. Big costume, but just didn't do anything for me on the day. I was hot and hungover in Barcelona though. Much better here. If it was a footballer, it'd be Jack Grealish. Pretty good, but I'd imagine very annoying. Incredible calves.

What happened, Air? What happened to 'Sexy Boy'? Things got a little dark here. 'Dead bodies'? ,'Suicide Underground'? jeez. If it was a footballer, it'd be Justin Fashanu...

Pffft ermm...ergh..yeah... If it was a footballer, it'd be Tony Hibbert.

Well...this is fun, isn't it? A thunderbolt right up the bum. A pop triumph. If it was a footballer, it'd be Jay Jay Okocha.

Hairy growlers filtered through fish guts. Jane's Addiction is clearly to not shave the old muff. If it was a footballer, it'd be Keith Gillespie. His promising early career was ruined by his gambling addiction. Plus, he never once shaved his pubes.

Hahaha he looks like such a dickhead. If it was a snooker player, it'd be Paul Hunter (RIP).

I really liked this. Well, by liked, I mean tolerated it. Well, by tolerated it, I mean I would rather have my eyeballs injected with spider eggs, whilst having by pubes yanked out by an aggressive Bulgarian dinner lady, all the while a parrot is screeching "Jordan Henderson is the best in the world" down my ear, with every woman I've ever fancied and my family and friends all watching on; than ever listen to a single second of this ever again.

Good. If this was a natural disaster, it'd be an avalanche.

The kids are alright, but only because this is The Who's generation and not mine. No, had it been mine, the kids would be in the back of SHACK's van and definitely not alright. Footballer = Leighton Baines

Really enjoyed this. Of course by enjoyed, I mean I tolerated it. By tolerated it, I mean I'd rather smother by body in chilli and get fucked by all members of The Incredible String Band wearing condoms laced with razor blades, whilst my Internet search history is read to everyone I've ever met, than ever listen to this ever again.

Not garbage. 🦧 A ferocious album that's both brutal and beautiful. If it was a footballer, it'd be Franck Ribery. SHACK has a cervix.

Another hard-fought, highly entertaining thriller. If this was a 90's TV personality, it'd be Mr Motivator.

The first song is called 'Ole Man Trouble' and it made me think of Ole's Man Utd trouble. Really needs a result against Villareal tonight. Robert Plant's favourite from this is 'Rock Me Baby'. He nonces babies. Otis Redding is pretty good.

The Worst Band in the World. (It's the name of one of the songs, lads) It was okay I think, wasn't paying attention really. Remember a couple of interesting parts. I'm confused about the while thing. Let's say, if it was a footballer, it'd be, I don't know, Lewis Dunk? Yeah, Lewis Dunk.

I know this is a music zeitgeist, but it's actually the first time I've listened to it. I bet cornrow SHACK was all over it. Not for me, Clive.

Nah, fuck off mate.

Well better than Kanye West. That was a tough two days listening to that ass sandwich. That's all I have to say.

Stuck this on and settled down to read the Pandora Papers. Top morning. If this album was a politician using an offshore account to buy a property, it'd be Tony Blair. If only it had Paint it Black in it, which Scott thinks it did.

Really fucking excellent. Ravi shagged the shit out of it, didn't he? If it was a TV show, it'd be Big Break and Jim Davidson would be livid.

Mostly background music in a bar on holiday. Bongo Bong was massive though. If it was a footballer, it'd be Lee Hendrie strawpedoing a tropical Reef, then pissing his pants a couple of hours later.

Everything but the fucking will to live after listening to this God awful piece of shit. I don't understand how they're on this list twice...at least. I recognised track 2, so good for them. If this was a footballer, itd be Emiliano Sala.

Hmm can I bring myself to listen to Madonna? I guess I have to. Mostly unmemorable pop songs. If it was wall to wall hits, I'd let her off, but it wasn't. I suppose she does offer some artistic merit, it's not all mindless cheese, but it's just not very interesting. If it was a footballer, it'd be someone who's inexplicably popular, like I don't know...Eden Hazard? Nah, he's just overrated and was wildly inconsistent but, probably still too good...Mario Balotelli! Popular and played for good teams despite his startling lack of talent.

I want to feel you deep inside. Given the names of some of the songs (Holocaust), I was expecting more than soft rock pop. If it was a sexual experience, it'd be premature ejaculation followed by uncontrollable weeping and deep shame.

I was too tired to pay any attention to this, but Scott says it was hard work and who am I to argue? Jude Law looks increasingly like Phil Collins. They both have hot daughters. Goodbye. 🧊

More Yes - fantastic. I don't hate it, but it's just a bit wank, isn't it? All very dated and just and uncool. What a bunch of keyboard shagging geeks. I bet Iris Law isn't remotely interested in this. 🍄

Now this is an album that I think would really pique the interest of both Jude and Iris Law. 🍤 Pretty revolutionary, wasn't it? The past masters of the future. Haunting and echoing, the album glides effortlessly into the future that has now long since arrived. Yeah Again, Thomas Tuchel would be tops off on the u bahn with a traffic cone up his ass. Speaking of The Man Machine... and cones up the ass, I wonder when SHACK will ever do a review again.

Needs an injection of The Velvet Underground. It's nice, but a bit boring. The kind of thing Iris Law listens to on the tube I'd imagine. 🦢 Chelsea rent girl, Chelsea rent girl, whoooaaa whooooaaa

Bargain Bin Bob Dylan? Certainly looks like it in the photo....and yep, sounds like it too...Good. Bert Jansch is the kind of guy that, had Iris Law been alive in the 60s, she would have dated. 🌼 And by alive in the 60s, I mean in her infancy. And by dated, I mean nonced to within an inch of her life by.

This is shite. Yeah, I'm bored. Robert Plant's favourite from this is Just Like a Baby. He eats placentas.

Fun Fact: Jar Jar Binks was in the original line up.

Get me some party powder immediately. 🍭🤪🙆‍♂️

A spooked ostrich in a house of mirrors.

I kind of hate this Hard Rock Cafe shit. It just always seems to lack authenticity. I know that this was sort of a second coming for Aerosmith and they were rock n roll in the 70s🤘🤘🤘🤘, and well done from them for coming back from the abyss, but it on the surface it all seems very cliché. Like someone has thrown up a cocktail of leather, big hair, motorcycles, Jack Daniels and guitar solos. About as cool as the Hell's Angels with all the edges polished. Having said that, this was actually alright musically. Energetic and pulsating at times, but whimsical and tongue in cheek in moments. Maybe they are completely aware that they're this caricature, uber glam rock behemoth and are happy to live up to it, without believing it themselves....but then again, maybe they aren't and believe they are bodafide rock gods here to save us all from a grey, lifeless world. I haven't quite decided.

Didn't expect to see this here. Fair enough, it's pretty enjoyable for someone who likes Britpop. Better than Aerosmith anyway. Fun Fact: I went to see Gaz Coombes live in New York, but got so drunk before the gig that I passed out and pissed myself. Fun Fact 2: I went to see Supergrass in Amsterdam, but the day before I eat half a space cake and pissed myself.

Pumpkin fuckers. Just in time for Halloween.

"And people say she's just a big pair of tits".

Erm...Under The Bridge is good. Never liked this socks on cocks version of RHCP. Imagine Steve Bruce scoring 19 goals in the season when this was released. What a superstar.

What does SHACK eat for breakfast? Lamb chops.

I'd imagine it's the kind of album Paul Scholes sucks on his family member's toes to. A glass of scotch and chewing your own daughter's toenails and Carole King, what a perfect evening.

Fuck sake. Madonna. An ageing cockwomble struggling for a sense of relevance in the strange modern world. Stumbling around like a drunk auntie at a wedding, Madonna seems to be both uninterested and entirely up for it all in one. I felt nothing listening to this.

Ahh it's pretty good for what it is, isn't it? I'd never stick it on at home, but yeah, sound. If it was an item of furniture, it'd be a diamond encrusted lamp shade that screams "Tricky" every time you turn it on.

Kind of boring. I listened to it about half an hour ago and can't really remember it, but hey maybe that's my memory failing me. Nearly 37, so pretty much on my last legs. My top 5 Freds are: Fred (Man Utd) Fred West Fred the Weatherman Fred Flintstone Fred the Red (Man Utd) My top 5 Neils are: Neil Morrissey Neil Armstrong Neil Diamond Neil Morrissey (again) Neil Morrissey (a 3rd time)

Grunge goes mainstream. What a sell out. I heard a very strong rumour that the person holding the dollar bill on the hook was Robert Plant. He lured that baby into his lair and, well, you know the rest. SHACK was wanking to this at breakfast this morning. He also ate lamb chops.

Anton Newcombe has listened to this a lot. Yeah, fuck you Stormzy, this is real UK grime. I can appreciate that this started off a scene, but it's not something I care for.

This album tastes like sunshine. It perfectly encapsulates the energy and colour of the 90s. Even the more reflective, melancholic moments, it glimmers with light and hope. A bright spark in an already illuminating decade. Vorsprung durch technik.

The prefect cocktail of mystery and magic, haunting lyrics and an exquisite score underpinning it all expertly. I think if that boat was sinking, Big Sam would keep them up.

I read the news today, oh boy... Well, it's iconic to say the least. I can't say I've listened to it for about 15 years and was expecting it to actually be a bit shit in reality, but I still enjoyed it. See you again in another 15 years.

I still haven't found what I'm looking for, but I know it's definitely not U2.

I suppose some aspects of it are very good. I'm just never really going to be into something that is just so 'rock'. Although I love several sub genres, all out, blue jeans - black t shirt- rock like this just doesn't do anything for me. It's just alright.

Not arsed. This didn't light up the sky with fireworks on bonfire night.

Groovy Captain Planet-based fun.

A limping foetus of an album.

Like Fearne Fotton screaming into pillow.

Like watching a snuff movie....in a good way.

I'm struggling to see how a band called Funkadelic releases an album called Maggot Brain. That's like a pop punk album name. Anyway, yeah, alright.

A cult hero. Like Steven Gerrard is soon to be at Villa. Absolute cum goblin.

But do I care?

They sound like a lovely couple who moved to the suburbs and started experimenting with swinging out of sheer boredom. I might do the same after this.

Like licking cum off the back of a tortoise. Like sucking on a corpse's cliterous. Not very nice.

Brave, pioneering, spectacular, explosive and groundbreaking are just five words that do not describe this fairly dull album. 🥂

Background music for a Jesus-based circle jerk.

Just a bunch of pleasant, unremarkable songs. Bring back Garfunkel!

I'm glad that Mr. Waters is able to get it up again. He must be pumped full of viagra.

Didn't mind it actually. Courtney Love has always struck me as the kind of person who you would catch flash frying roadkill and raw dog food on the floor of your dad's garage at 4am in an attempt to woo him into sucking on her nipples for half an hour.

Okay britpop from Suede's ugly younger brother.

Jay Kay and his silly big hats, eh? What a wild time 1993 was.

Good enough that a 15 year old girl can wear one of their t shirts without knowing who they are I suppose. Rock n Roll High-school.

Their garden has too many weeds

I found some of it irritating and some of it decent. So, here we are in the middle.

RIP Keef. If this was a footballer it'd be Razor Ruddock. (Not for his football ability).

Squeaky Usher. Like R Kelly, but without all the noncing (probably).... I mean, we don't know the real reason Ocean's 11 was called that. Still, ...better than Ocean's 8. Both in terms of the film and the connotations that I'm trying to imply, which are, that Frank Ocean nonces 8 and 11 year olds.

Q. What does SHACK eat for breakfast? A. Lamb chops.

More like Amy Whine-house, right? Probably should have gone to rehab.

Miles like jazz.

RIP Paul Walker

Fucking Miles Davis. 4 times now. Can't be arsed with it.

What a silly walk. I didn't actually listen to it because I have many times before and I'm not really in the mood to.

Fine. Glam rock.

Just a another mother fuckin'...

Lamb chops

Yusuf innit. I can play Wild World on guitar, so there you go.

Not as revered as the B51's, but okay

What an absolute fuck monster. If Shakin' Stevens got Parkinson's, would it still be acceptable to call him Shakin' Stevens?

Alright

Energetic bag of skin does tunes.

This is a complete knee jerk inclusion that does not merit being anywhere near this list.

Little Robert Zimmerman, eh. Definitely sounds like a duck farting in a spacesuit.

You can hear in his voice that he's considering shooting himself in the head. It's fucking great really. Not the shooting bit, the music.

Two 5s in a row is a rare treat and a third this week to boot. Christmas has come early. I wonder what we'll get on Christmas day. It better be fitting for the occasion. I don't want to be sat around with my family listening to Sinead O'Connor, crying into my Christmas Pudding.

👌

Nevrr listened to this before. I just don't know. Was it good? Was it bad? I think it kind of was good, but I'm scared. Let's say it was.

I don't think you're supposed to call him Antony anymore. Who knew that 'I am a bird now' would take on such significance?

Alright, but that's enough of that.

Q. What does SHACK eat for breakfast? A. Lamb chops.

Hahaha it's like a piss take. I know it wouldn't be at the time, but now? Sheesh. Very much of its era. 80s movie montage. Rockin'. Yeah.

What the fuck is this? P-p-p pick up a penguin. Erm...it was actually decent. 🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧 Up the penguins.

Just fuck off. Nauseating. Worse than Benjamin Mendy.

🐞 vivid sound. The 10 minute freeview of an album

Merrrrrry Christmas

Bad, bad Christmas nonce...but that's okay, because he shot a woman.

It's technically perfect....Just not that thrilling.

Still no

I know everyone creams their knickers about this, but I'm just not hearing it to be honest. It's alright, nothing more. It's getting marked down because it's currently 2nd overall and that is fucking mental.

Better than Rumours by Fleetwood Mac.

I have this album cover on a t shirt, so I'd better give it 5 stars.

I've heard from some very reliable sources that seeing Bob Dylan live is one of the greatest experiences you can ever have. Some prefer Bob Dylan dead.

Another toothy danger

If I transport myself back to 2004, then it's probably edging a 4, but probably more a 3 now. I'll be kind to it for the memories.

Better than The Jackson 5....well, fewer nonces anyway.

Imagine being one of those reviewers that painstakingly deconstructs every song and writes 15 paragraphs like they're auditioning for Q Magazine, when you can sum some albums up in one emoji. 🍌

Who cares?

I was expecting more given the name. Wank farmer music. 🐓🐖🐎🐂

She's not dead...yet. I like Suede. That's as in depth as you're getting from me today.

Disintegration sustains an atmosphere that is gloomy, yet thoroughly gorgeous. It somehow manages to feel both claustrophobic and seductive. Thirty years after its release, Disintegration still holds up. The songs are written and produced excellently, with a clear direction to preserve the general moodiness.

Oh yeah, I haven't written anything, have I? Ah well, probably no need to.

The brothers' Gallagher just got everything right on this one. The full spirit of the 90s....including the nod to Gary Glitter in 'Hello'. Whatever happened to him? It was an exciting time and this album chewed up all that youthful spirt and hope and spat it out I our faces with a curled lip and million dollar snarl. This Britpop-tinged monster reminds us of a world that no longer exists. There will be loads of people reviewing this saying they only know Wonderwall and honestly, it's the worst track on it.

Circle Jerks: Group Sex. What's not to like?

Look at him though. He doesn't have any raw power. Absolute weakling. Pussy.

😔

Certainly more palatable than the other Steely Dan one we had. Yeah, it was fine.

Scott Kelly's wet dream

Bowen's on fire and he's shagging Dani Dyer

Fresh

Nice but bland

Not a patch on Mr. Bungle. Some of it was fine, but ergh, some of it was so Guns 'n' Roses I almost vomited.

Oh, I don't know. SHACK'S reviews didn't last very long, did they? What would CRUTE score this? 3? I'll go somewhere around that then. RIP Meatloaf

The first track on this is called 'Motherless Children'....well, shouldn't it be the other way round? You know, since Clapton's son did a dead. I couldn't get beyond that. Childless Mother. Probably loads of guitar wanking.

Mellow and reflective with the aggression dialled down from their other efforts. A sobering soundtrack for that inevitable moment when all tomorrow’s parties turn to morning-after, makeup-smeared, self-loathing introspection.

In one ear and out the other. Probably a bunch of nonces.

Simultaneously edgy and catchy. Swagger, sneer and energy. Top brit-popping. Roy Hodgson on cocaine.

Moody. Direct, yet has many textures, from blues to jazz, which offer a revealing and sympathetic bed for the best, most affecting songs. The Boatman's Call is one of Cave's finest albums and arguably the masterpiece he had been promising throughout his career. Great face too.

Just 70s shit isn't it? Fine, not awful, not good. What do you want from me? Slam poetry?

Apparently we need to put more effort into this. Nice one Nigel. Can't be arsed today though.

Why don't you microwave a little bowl of this and serve it to someone who cares?

An album that in many ways embodies that time when Bort had spunk all over his face.

Chips, cheese and gravy

Can't say I've ever listened to a Foo Fighters album. Can't be as bad as they are live, but that's not down to the music, it's just the fact that Dave Grohl talks for 95% of the set. They play about 1 song every 4 hours. This was better than expected actually. Good for them.

Better than Ed Sheeran.

Better than the real bible. New wave, industrial, art rock goth. There's a wonderful seething fury about absolutely everything. #whereisrichie?

I can only imagine what Nigel is going to say about Teen Dreams. Yeah, this was fine. You might say it's a stirring reminder that good things can happen when you step out of your comfort zone. But I wouldn't. Would make a good support band for The Chuckle Brothers if one of them hadn't died.

Bitch, don't kill my vibe. I have actually seen Kendrick Lamar live around the time this came out, but he was upstaged by a Tupac hologram...as we all are sometimes.

Save it for a coming of age indie movie. It's alright, not offensive, but you're just never going to blow your load whilst it's on, are you? Or am I...? I did.

Industrial cabaret....in French. How novel. It was interesting at least. Not sure of it'll catch on though. You kids and your music.

The thing about faces is every one is unique. The fact that Rod Stewart decorated his with an expensive mullet is his perogative and should be celebrated for the majestic beast it is. He has a great voice too and should get drunk and do cup draws more often. Better than Kurt Zouma kicking a cat.

Was always going downhill after Take On Me. Insert some sort of metaphor about Michael Owen's football career and/or Alan Partridge.

You might say - The Cars remind me of the guy who begins a fuck with lots of promise but then pulls back at exactly the wrong moment, forcing you to resort to your fingers to finish the job. -but I wouldn't.

Slanted and Enchated, my God Pavement, you are really spoiling us. You usually expect one, but both is really quite special. What a day.

I didn't hate it you know. A bit like that Chesterfield Middlesbrough Fa Cup semi final in 1997.

Fuck off with this. Wasn't interested then and I'm not interested now.

The juxtaposition of the music to the album cover is confusing. A bit like an owl doing the splits, I'm afraid. Must do better. Declan Rice's girlfriend.

After the discord of The Beatles, the group sought to get back to basics with a rock LP and a film about its creation. This was the eventual result. As the 1960s wound down, so did the Beatles. The symmetry was perfect: youthful energy, optimism, and camaraderie had given over to cynicism, discord, and looking out for number one. As the decade's final year began, the White Album was still riding high on the charts and the Yellow Submarine soundtrack was days away from release. But the Beatles were in serious trouble. Nothing about being in the band was enjoyable or easy. The power vacuum left by the death of manager Brian Epstein a year and a half earlier had never been satisfactorily filled; Apple Corps, the multi-media company started by the band a year earlier, was bleeding money; and toughest of all, the once-Fab Four didn't generally enjoy being in the same room together. All were either married or close to it, closing in on 30, and tremendously weary of all they'd been through. Paul McCartney, the most devoted of the gang to the notion of the Beatles (Ringo Starr called him the "Beatleaholic"), thought that the group needed a special project to bring it together. Another White Album-style scenario, with the songwriters in the band working alone in separate studios, enlisting each other to serve as a de facto backup band, was bound to fail. Too much good will and trust had been lost. They needed something big they could all submit to. Several ideas were proposed, most involving a return of some kind to live performance: perhaps a live album of new songs or a huge show in a remote place; maybe the band would charter an ocean liner and make an album on it. Ultimately, it was decided that the band would be filmed on a soundstage rehearsing for a show and developing material for a new album-- a document of the Beatles at work. The theme for the project would be back-to-basics, a return of the group as a performing unit, sans overdubs, emphasizing their inherent musicality. Working title: Get Back. It was an awful idea. First, no one was sure exactly what he was supposed to be doing. Glyn Johns was there, a new presence behind the boards, but he never quite figured out if he was producing or just engineering. Regular producer George Martin was technically on board, but his participation was minimal. While Let It Be was initially meant to be a return to simplicity, Phil Spector's later involvement (he was brought in to "reproduce" the tracks, adding extra voices and instruments to thicken arrangements and remix the record, a decision made without McCartney's input) killed that angle. Organizational chaos aside, the sessions were painful. We all know what it feels like to be around people we don't like for days on end; if reality television has taught us anything, it's that a camera crew in a room full of such people does nothing to ease tension. The time the Beatles spent recording and filming was described by all as supremely unpleasant, despite a later uptick when they'd returned to finish up at Abbey Road. And when they finished, no one really liked what they'd laid down on tape. So not surprisingly, the essential nature of Let It Be is that it feels incomplete and fragmented; it's a difficult album to peg because the Beatles were never sure themselves what they wanted it to be. So the best way to approach it is as a collection of songs by guys who still were churning out classics with some regularity. It may not succeed on the level of the Beatles' previous albums, but there's enough good material to make it a worthy entry in their canon. Outside of the title track, there's little here that feels consequential to the Beatles' legacy. The easy acoustic shuffle of the John Lennon and Paul McCartney duet "Two of Us" has appeal, though, as do the prickly rhythmic drive of George Harrison's "For You Blue" and the bubbling Booker T-isms of McCartney's "Get Back". The swampy "I've Got a Feeling", possibly reflecting McCartney's recent interest in Canned Heat, is intriguing because it sounds so classic rock 70s. And Lennon's "Across the Universe", recorded during the White Album sessions and sounding like it was beamed in from somewhere else, has a certain ringing brilliance. For balance, there's "Dig a Pony" and the boogieing "One After 909", the latter actually written by Lennon and McCartney as kids in the fifties. Still, for plenty of good bands, the best of these would be career highlights. Recorded without joy, set aside for months while a better album was assembled, and finally remixed in a way that enraged one of the band's principals, Let It Be finally saw release in May 1970. But by that point, the Beatles break-up had been official for several weeks. There's since been a live album, compilations, digitization, trolls through the archives, and an ocean of ink spilled about this little band that made it very big. And now there are these CD issues, done beautifully. But there never was a proper reunion, and we can assume that there will never be another Beatles. Ahh fuck, this is the wrong Let it Be, isn't it?

Juveline

Tits on a stick.

It sounds like we're in Nandos...apparently.

Wouldn't it be nice? Brian Wilson’s evolutionary compositional masterpiece, eh? Painstakingly put together in an effort to outdo The Beatles, this album was certainly ahead of the curve in terms of production. Some of the lyrics are a bit shit, but I guess that's what you got at the time. Dennis Wilson should have hung out with Charles Manson a bit more for some darker themes.

You don't get this in Nandos. What a fucking arrogant album title. I don't think this one was great.

The bongos leave a lasting impression, like fingerprints on an abandoned handrail.

Ahhh the saviour of music. Back in 2001, when we were swiftly sinking into a bland quicksand of Travis, Coldplay and Osama Bin Laden, in stepped a deliberately scuffed pair of Converse high tops to save the day. The landmark album of our generation. It's knowingly nonchalant, but somehow through that apathy, true brilliance manifests. With youthful exuberance and effervescent energy the album quakes with more stompers than an elephant stampede through an unsuspecting african village. It's my favourite album.

Bungle was my favourite

Fine. Bit annoying after a while. Should have eaten a bat or something.

A wonderfully sumptuous, impressionistic dream world.🍭

Alright

Really putting the shame into shamen

I've got nothing to say

Better than I was expecting based on the title. Well sort of. I'm losing confidence now. Bored. It's gone.

Sweet baby Jesus, this is wank.

I actually quite it enjoyed it which is surprising. What I was expecting was a clusterfuck of black t shirts and stonewashed jeans doing rock n roll by numbers, what I got was...well I was that...but the live element made it better, which doesn't usually happen.

Some of it is very, very good and some of it is a bit shit. So, are they brother and sister or husband and wife? Both?

I've never liked Muse. Too polished for me. It's okay, but it's rock for an IT consultant with a tribal tattoo under his shirt. Not remotely cool.

Suppose

I listened without prejudice, but still thought it was shit. Sorry George lad.

Oh I'm just not arsed, Johnny. Just well known songs that aren't really improved. I know it was just before he kicked the bucket and Hurt was all very poignant and that, but...yeah whatever. Sue me.

Just a bit shit in the end

Lovely. Lots of cooing and squawking like a mother bird trying to tell its baby that now isn't the right time to be flying a kite, because it's not windy enough, but the baby bird doesn't believe its mother, then gets frustrated when she's right.

Ergh. I don't know. Shit. Hotel California is massive I guess. Got bored instantly. If it was a footballer it would be Romelu Lukaku trying to escape Chelsea, but way less interesting.

SHACK loves lamb chops

Hauntingly beautiful...probably.

Class banter that lad

Ergh. Ergh, all a bit repetitive. Ergh, all a bit repetitive. Lovefool - rejoice! Ergh, all a bit repetitive. Fuck me this is terrible. Really annoying.

Ricky Spong loves the album. He puts it on when he and Dominic Calvert-Lewin hit Chester's blue light district.

Bread shed

3

Am I supposed to like this?

In the USA they're known as The Jelly. What's the difference between jam and jelly? Well, I can't jelly my cock up your ass...

Good times

I liked it at the time and still like it now. There's some filler of course, but generally pretty good. Incredible video for Californication too. I think since the success of this, they've tried to make this same album over and over again, without much success. By the Way is good too to be fair.

AND IT'S LIVE!!!!

If this is the cure, what was the disease?

Blur innit. WOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! ST PAULI! ST PAULI! ST PAULI! ST PAULI!

Yeah, whatever

Oh fuck off.

Hits like Will Smith at the Oscars

Started strong. I kind of wasn't really listening towards the end though. Just get yourself a 'best of The Kinks' album instead.

Nowhere near as good as Steve Bruce. I guess not being born in the USA has been really detrimental to the listening experience. I have seen him live though...for one song. I was watching the Gaslight Anthem (remember them?) and Brucey joined them for a song for some reason. It was fairly unremarkable.

I really enjoyed this album. Of course, by enjoyed, I mean tolerated it. By tolerated I mean I'd rather be waxed from head to toe by an angry Glaswegian smack head, then dipped into a bath of lemon juice, all the while Clive Tyldesley screams Gael Clichy's name down my ear and the sound of the England football band limply plays the theme tune from The Great Escape, than ever listen to it again.

I remember the name from the 90s, because it's a bit like mine. Didn't listen to it then and that was a pretty good decision based on how much I wanted to punch myself in the face whilst listening to it today.

A cool summer breeze

A right squelchy minge

Best carpenters since Jesus

Loud opening shriek. Erm.... what to say...? WOOHOO ST PAULI, ST PAULI, ST PAULI! All of the songs are about SHACK eating lamb chops

For the 96. *97

My ears just threw up

You what mate?

Lemmy is a nonce

A bit annoying. Not as good as Skrillex.

I loved that song he did for Robin Hood Prince of Thieves. It was number 1 for 16 weeks. And what a 16 weeks they were. This doesn't stand up to that monster.

MEGADETH!!!!! ☠💀☠💀💀☠💀☠☠💀☠☠💀 This album was more intense than the Liverpool Man City rivalry....and that's saying something.

Sounds like George Michael having a stroke

How delightfully wicked. The perfect soundtrack for eating lamb chops. Iris Law listens to it in the bath.

Well blind this lad. Doesn't stop him though does it? Maybe he's faking it and he can actually see.

Awooga

Easter lamb chops

A bit shit fro what i actually bothered with

Like an overused toilet brush going in for one more dunk and somehow, against all odds clearing out the bowl.

A bit of an ordeal

Sounds like a wet combination of Vampire Weekend and Badly Drawn Boy. Not sure if that's the best thing in the world if I'm honest.

As Neil Young removed his music from Spotify, due to Joe Rogan(whoever the fuck that is) there were only 2 songs available to listen to. Im not upset about this.

Fine, if you like this kind of thing. I don't massively, but I doubt Bruce Springsteen is too upset about that. He should be though.

Where's Maddie, SHACK?

@SHACK #bingo

3

Probably my favourite of their albums. They performed it brilliantly live. SHACK'S wet dream....but with fewer kids obviously. ...the big silly nonce.

Wow. This album has almost as many high points as SHACK has nonced kids today. He has a different meaning for sonic youth.

69 songs? Nah, 3 is enough

Lemon

Fuck off you cunts

Like a donkey punch to the back of the neck

Fetch me some Jack Daniels and some ass-less leather chaps, we're rock and rolling all night.

They should change names to The Banned, so nobody ever has to hear of them again. Right? Right? Or The Bland, because of how dull it is, yeah? Nah...but, honestly, it wasn't very good really. 😕

Nothing to piss your pants about, but fine.

SHACK strangling Scott in album form.

Bukkake for the soul

Yeah, it's alright. Not exactly mind blowing or wild

Not exactly 'The Best of The Beatles' is it?

This was System Of A Down’s explosive introduction to the world at large: crunching riffs, sinuous shapes, kombucha mushroom people and all. Play 'Sugar' as the first dance song at your wedding.

Forgettable

Prince has always been a complete bildspot for me. I know barely any of his songs, despite him being this pint-size, purple, megastar. So, being forced to listen to this album, what have I discovered? Well...it's just a load of generic, cheesy 80s nonsense and has filled my heart with nothing. I'm sure at the time it was this exciting, innovative, sexy behemoth, but I couldn't give a fuck about it. And all of the songs are too long. Hit the editing suite, Prince, you little purple nonce.

I'm not convinced that anyone in the world considers this to be their all time favourite album, but it's alright I suppose. I feel like there was a lot of this kind of music 10/12 years ago and it doesn't particularly stick out like a sore thumb, or like SHACK in Tokyo. (He's there for the school girls).

Who'd have thought we all be sat here in 2022 listening to Fatboy Slim and actually enjoying it? We have come a long way, but also we've barely moved at all, baby. I did enjoy him at Glastonbury 2019 too, but there may have been other reasons for that. Get me to Ayia Napa.

Better than most of Eurovision and Scott Kelly's cat.

Fuck

The contrast between her speaking voice and her singing voice is insane. Fun fact: Four of the songs on this album are about ham.

Who the fuck is this? Some sort of Ramones knock off.

I bet this is full of that 70s singing that Bort hates. Actually, it wasn't and was pretty good. Weird.

Reminds me of Cliff Richard's dick. Soft.

Suck my vulva

Can't listen to it as Neil Young took his music off Spotify. Don't care.

Alvin, Simon, GARFUNKEL! Do, do, do, do, do, do

Zzz

Fun fact: Leonard Cohen ate 6 packs of sliced ham during every recording session.

Like an American high school massacre

Ladds ladds ladds

Purple nonce. It's better than the other Prince one we've heard, but I'm still not arsed about this violet violator.

Would you @SHACK?

😫

Probably not an intergalactic paedo

Great outer space noncing. Textbook.

"ACK, ACK, ACK, ACK, ACK".

Not as good as ham.

Slit eyed lady, eh Roddders? Bold. There's a lot of shit on here. Maggie Mae is good though, eh?

Duh duh duh duh duh duh duh... 19 years on and that hook still lives and breathes in popular culture. I never really cared for The White Stripes. Maybe it was the ambiguous incest/marriage thing, maybe it was because the blues doesn't do it for me...in the same way incest does. I'm into incest. Duh duh duh duh duh duh duh forever

Yeah yeah yeah?

I could write a massive 8 paragraph review of each song if you like, but i think people have heard this album before and there's loads of reviews out there, so why waste everyone's time?

A lone man in a hotel going down a slide with nobody to wave him off and nobody to greet him at the bottom.

The best thing about this was learning that... Temperature would not be a factor in creating solid air, although I suppose if you chilled air to absolute zero, or minus 459.67 degrees Fahrenheit, it might solidify. If the sun were made of air instead of hydrogen and helium—and if you compressed all that air into the size of an office building—you would have solid air. This would be no mean feat, because the sun is bigger than a million Earths. Most atoms are 99.9999999999996% empty space. If you took out all the space that exists in atoms the entire human race could fit into the volume of a sugar cube. There’s a major problem with compressing atoms. They constrain enough energy to flatten a major city. This is how the sun has blazed so brightly for billions of years without ever decreasing in size. The compression of hydrogen atoms in its core—in synergistic coordination with heat expansion—produces nuclear fusion. This process unleashes energy in the forms of heat, light, photosynthesis, vitamin D etc. The compression would need to be so powerful it overwhelmed the atom’s energy. Something of like a black hole where not even light can escape, and everything is crushed. The solid air you’d get would be denser than a neutron star. And it would probably look opaque, although it remains to be seen how light would refract off mashed together subatomic particles.

Distorted dreampop done dirty

Was definitely on the nonce wing

No hotdog jumping frog, so...erm, no.

Seems a little premature to have this as one of the 1001 greatest albums ever. Big simz is better

Ahh Pajamas Harvey you've done it again 🍾

Deee lete

Wow. I feel like I've just licked a toad and fallen into another dimension. It's a fascinating clusterfuck. A total shitstorm of juvenile lyrics and lazy riffs. It reeks of somebody who's heard about a bunch of things that were cool in high-school, but never actually did them and now, approaching 30, is sat around with a blunt, telling 15 year olds how to be a rockstar just like him. A try-hard fuckwit. Banged Pamela Anderson though, eh?

Ooooh you're hard

Not remotely violent

\"Fraaaaannnnkkk!\" Pat Butcher, 1998.

Oh yeah, this separate double album thing they did. I'm not listening to 2 hours' worth. Andre 3000s was better.

It's much better than the other one. I was sat in the sun reading, so my good mood may have affected this.

It's a little bit dull and lifeless. Doesn't exactly evoke any emotions in me. The odd track is fine on the soundtrack to a film, but a full album plodding along like thing is a bit uninteresting.

It's like the dead handshake of a used car salesman. He's at your BBQ because he's your wife's friend's husband. The small talk is forced and he doesn't even like football, but it's pleasant enough.

All I can say is - literally oh my days blud.

BBC One- 8pm - Cash in the Attic. Johnny Cash hides in the attic of an unsuspecting celebrity, spying on their every move. This week Johnny observes Pat Sharp have an argument with a plumber and then maturbating furiously to a old polaroid photo of the Fun House twins.

This is an an album by The Black Keys. The rating for the album is 3 stars.

Poor effort from the Pet Shop Men.

Mmmm those are some tasty, tasty lamb chops

I'm 50 seconds into the first song and i fucking hate it. I'm not going to continue. Fun fact - The Youngbloods once broke the 100m World record

🐵🦍🐶🦄🐯🦓🐷🐃🦙🐏🐀🐿🦔🐰🐓🦘🐧🐸🐊🦚🐙🦋🐍

Well tosh me off. ✊💦

Remember Christopher Samba?

Like crying at a funfair. Fun fact: Michael Stipe uses elephant dung to exfoliate his skin.

Ain't nothing but a hound dog

Not actually blind. I didn't really enjoy this at all. Does that make me a bad person? It was pretty shit.

Did you know? Djam Leelii was named after an ancient ham merchant. Ham became known as Djam after during the Great Ham Wars of 1033, during which many great ham warriors were killed and eaten by pigs.

Whoa!!!!! It's MEGADEATH! Holy shit! Timeless metal nonces making a right old racket.

A bewildered man shouting at a cloud

Dinosaur Sr did it better

Grumpy jumper

Alright. Not the best thing in the world, but better than being a raging nonce like SHACK

Nothing compares 2 it

No thanks

Fuzzy duck, does he fuck

Instantly makes me think of SHARK ruthlessly pulverising a group of small children in a paddling pool. He's having a good time and so am I listening to this. Go on, SHARK, you big noncy menace.

Stop fucking putting Aerosmith on the list. A blitzkrieg of shit, although better than the almost comical later stuff. 🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈

Background music from Woodstock

Leroy Sane is better.

Like a caterpillar turning into a butterfly, but then quickly back into a caterpillar and dying.

Put some bloody shoes on, Paul! You damn hippy.

These guys need to watch out. A wayward Darwin Nunez shot could kill them at any point.

I know some very uncool people live for this shit, but I'm better than them and better than this.

Oh, it's country. Fuck off then

Too big to fail

Let me see, am I going to listen to over 2 hours of Deep Purple Live? Ergh, I listened to a bit. It's entirely what you'd expect it to be.

Not nearly dirty enough for me

Needs to be included in the next season of Stranger Things, so Gen Z can all wet the bed about it and discuss the pronouns used by Jesus and Mary. They/them

Probably at least one pervert amongst them. Check the hard drives.

Onions

Reminds me of Los Sapos 2022. Up the toads

Fun fact: The band was named after professional moustache and occasional goal scorer Ian Rush.

Album cover SHARK would be all over, the big nonce. It was just a bit annoying to be honest. Did not make me cum.

Wasn't paying that much attention, but that's on them, not me.

I quite enjoyed this, but some of the songs were too long. Ergh, who cares? We're all going to die soon anyway. Jizz Hornkamp better join Nottingham Forest.

Shite

Jesus is irrelevant

All very lovely and that, but I don't think I'd lose my mind and faint at his gigs. It didn't make any sparks fly out of my willy.

Dr Bloody Congo! A deafening, painful, shameful roar.

It's neither as good as Scott says, or, as bad as Bort says. She did bang Alan Partridge in her hole though, so that's worth an extra mark.

Not really a rush of blood to the head, more a slow, weak, limp battle against an incurable illness.

Black Metal Matters

Preposterous voice. The dude is obsessed with Streets, isn't he? Sounds like a spiked nipple piercing a tank top as a cool breeze rolls in on a summer evening.

Live generic blues, is it? CBA

Pffft okay.

Started strong, but lost me in the middle. Good nonsense overall.

Live! Better to be live than dead I suppose.

🐙😰🔥❤️😬😪🦈💔🧊🐧🐊🐓🦋🐷🐿🦙🐀✊️🏆🎀🏆🏀🥇🥇⚾️🥉🎫🎍🎐

Shite

Q. What does SHARK eat for breakfast? A. Children

"Crab mentality" also known as crab theory, crabs in a bucket, is a way of thinking best described by the phrase "if I can't have it, neither can you".

BEST. FUNERAL. EVER!!!

Go on, Moby lad.

Ergh...so like am I supposed to listen to this seriously? It does have 3 absolute monsters on there. Whether that's good or bad, I don't know.

I just don't care guys.

Hopeless bunch of preening synth-poppers create a swirling vortex of ennui.

Porn

Cry baby

If this was released in 2000, it wouldn't be on the list. They got there first though. There she goes

I thought it was going to be better than what it turned out to be

Bit of a scattergun of ideas. Not terrible, but not much better than mediocre. Fun fact: Peter Gabriel is 103 years old and keeps his youthful look by bathing in bull semen 12 times a week.

16 minute songs - behave.

Bangers

Utterly shit lesbo non-music. Made me sick. Did not listen.

It's the musical equivalent of SHACK in trousers.

SHACK getting attacked by 3 wasps for 2 hours in album form

Probably fine

There was a lot of hype about this. It's kind of okay, but it doesn't exactly get you so excited that you have to publicly shit in a bin, does it?

The musical equivalent of someone scared of wasps doing that half run/walk, flapping and turning their back up as they cower in public, nonsense. It looks so silly and brings me great joy.

Gary Numan vs Gary Oldman is a battle that has captured the imagination of the world for decades. Finally a winner has been declared.

The Queen's dead, mate

Even Scott Davidson likes this

The over-emotional shrieking grief of twats

A dribble of piss down your fat girlfriend's chin.

You were born. We get it, Bruce. Jeez. Everyone was born, stop banging on about it. Wanker.

...erm...fuck off.

Like waiting for a boner to go down

I really enjoyed this! Of course, by enjoyed, I mean I tolerated it. By tolerated it, I mean I'd rather have all of my skin chipped off with a cheese grater, whilst my dad mixes lemon juice with his own urine and pours it onto my raw, skinless body. All the while piranhas bite away at my feet, the piercing shrill of a whistle is blown in my face relentlessly and a montage of my worst ever erection moments is broadcast on giant TV screens to every major city in the world, than ever listen to this ever again.

Angry, bitter and mesmerising. A clandestine club which you're not invited to.

The distant future, the year 2000. The thinking man's Limp Bizkit.

Michael Cera swinging a mop around like a lightsaber

Pretty fly

Tortoise innit 🐢

What fun

A moonage daydream. The fractured, paranoid lyrics are evocative of a decadent, decaying future, and the music echoes an apocalyptic, nuclear dread. A dread that we're oh so keen to be suffocated by.

Yeah, I know yall are gonna have lazy lobs on for this, but I don't care.

This would be a lot better if it was Dion Dublin playing his dube.

Not arsed, Tim. Try harder. Nonce.

Blind nonce.

Fucking dreary piece of shit

I need to take more drugs

Class rapping

A choppy, snarling snapshot of the frustrations of working class kids. Nervy, vital energy and charging, relentless rhythms.

Fuzzy psych blues. Been done a million times since. If it was a footballer, it'd be Kieron Dyer - decent enough, but nobody really remembers.

One word review: SHIIIIIIIIIT

Ahhh rum sodomy, my favourite past time.

^ look at Scott's proper review up there. I'm just going to call them a rag tag bunch of nonces and give it 4 stars. What a rag tag bunch of nonces. 4 stars.

Much better than dub step.

Where's @BORT?

Died on a toilet

Booo

🎳

Heard it was shit

Mummy

Tempting to give it a 1 star review just to piss Scott off.

Tits

Look, I just don't get Prince. Leave me alone.

He's still a horrible xenophobe. Viva Hate, eh Steven?

If Indian Chill is your idea of a good time, then you need to have a long hard look in the mirror and punch it in the face.

I heard a girl did step on his blue suede shoes and Elvis lost his mind and beat her to death. The guilt caught up with him, he ate himself to death and died on the toilet having a wank into a massive sandwich.

Fucking incredible

Still waiting

Good seeds

Good voice and that, but it's just a bit grating by the end.

Generic 70's guitar riffs, etc... BUT WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN?

OK

The 'live, laugh, love' of music.

A fucking hay bail. This is going to be country shit, isn't it? Ergh. No thanks.

Looks like Johnny Depp on the cover photo. No further notes.

🤘

Pfffft. I don't know man.

Bad/okay

👾

Small Richard

😔 Cheer up, mate. It might never happen. Oh!...😬

Strong

Who was next? Was it @SHACK?

Simply the worst

Gave me period pains

Queen's dead mate

I enjoyed it Debbie

Goddddd. Would you stop banging on about your dead son? Jeez

Large scuffle

Much better than Nick Cave banging on about his dead son.

Better than I remember

I can't remember. Was probably okay .

Wah wah wah

Surprising

There's 2 or 3 pretty good songs dotted amongst a load of absolute drivel. I preferred The Frantic Elevators, but who doesn't? Mick Hucknall though innit, so he deserves 10 stars, never mind 5.

The opening few notes were good, then he started singing and I threw myself off a cliff

Like flying into the twin towers

I'd rather listen to The Princes of Bolton, AKA Kay, Kay, Nolan, McGuinness and Ainsworth belt out some Boyzone in a pub.

Bad. Nonce. Dead. These are just 3 words that describe this monster. What the fuck was he hahaha? Strangest creature to have ever existed

Wow, this was something else!

If this was a team competing at the controversial 2022 FIFA World Cup in Qatar, it'd be Cameroon.

The vocals were grating, like Robert Plant scraping a dying budgie down a blackboard.

If this was a team in the controversial FIFA 2022 World Cup in Qatar, it'd be Costa Rica.

This has 5 stars from Scott Kelly written all over it. It was a lot more nu metal than I had an appetite for.

The best Led Zeppelin album. I can't really do Robert Plant, but this one is alright. Not sure what the "baby" count is on this one, but he's still an enormous nonce. Loves babies. Baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, Baby, baby, baby, baby, Baby, baby, baby, baby, Baby, baby, baby, baby, Baby, baby, baby, baby,. Nonce.

Fun fact: High Flyin' Baby is Robert Plant's favourite track from this album. He bangs babies. He also LOVES Have you seen my Baby? The man loves touching babies.

If this was a team in the controversial 2022 FIFA World Cup in Qatar, it'd be Belgium.

Nine inch dildos

If this was a team competing at the controversial FIFA World Cup 2022 in Qatar, it'd be Netherlands. Cody Gakpo is the GOAT.

Good this. Hahahaha when he just goes "I ain't got leukaemia". 5 stars for that alone.

Shit reggae that I don't give a shit about. No references to leukaemia

Well Bort this. No references to leukaemia though, which, as we now know, is essential. Doesn't need to be over an hour long. I know people who have recovered from leukaemia in that time.

No references to leukaemia

Im going to go to the Hard Rock Cafe, order a steak and drink some Jack Daniels like the coolest man in the world.

Can't believe this is Sylvester Stallone. ADRIAN!!!!

Is that Michael Cera? Q. What does SHACK eat for breakfast? A. Lamb chops

Lamb chops for breakfast.