Journey in Progress
Discovering music one album at a time
1066
Albums Rated
2.75
Avg Rating
68
5-Star Albums
98%
Complete
23 albums remaining
Rating Speed
4.2
Per Week
1768
Days Active
Reviews
1065
Written
100%
Review Rate
vs Global
-0.44
Avg Diff
2.75
Avg Rating
Rating Distribution
How you rate albums
Rating Timeline
Average rating over time
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Which era do you prefer?
Activity by Day
When do you listen?
Taste Profile
1990s
Favorite Decade
Britpop
Favorite Genre
UK
Top Origin
Harsh
Rater Style
122
1-Star Albums
Taste Analysis
Genre Preferences
Ratings by genre
Origin Preferences
Ratings by country
Rating Style
You Love More Than Most
Albums you rated higher than global average
| Album | You | Global | Diff |
|---|---|---|---|
| Chocolate Starfish And The Hot Dog Flavored Water | 5 | 2.47 | +2.53 |
| White Light / White Heat | 5 | 2.88 | +2.12 |
| Picture Book | 5 | 2.88 | +2.12 |
| Psychocandy | 5 | 2.93 | +2.07 |
| Let Love Rule | 5 | 3 | +2 |
| The Libertines | 5 | 3.01 | +1.99 |
| Sister | 5 | 3.02 | +1.98 |
| Duck Stab/Buster & Glen | 4 | 2.03 | +1.97 |
| Music For The Jilted Generation | 5 | 3.07 | +1.93 |
| Suede | 5 | 3.1 | +1.9 |
You Love Less Than Most
Albums you rated lower than global average
| Album | You | Global | Diff |
|---|---|---|---|
| The Wall | 1 | 4.15 | -3.15 |
| Goodbye Yellow Brick Road | 1 | 3.93 | -2.93 |
| Time Out | 1 | 3.84 | -2.84 |
| Hotel California | 1 | 3.6 | -2.6 |
| 3 + 3 | 1 | 3.59 | -2.59 |
| Licensed To Ill | 1 | 3.56 | -2.56 |
| War | 1 | 3.47 | -2.47 |
| Rumours | 2 | 4.46 | -2.46 |
| Bat Out Of Hell | 1 | 3.45 | -2.45 |
| Reggatta De Blanc | 1 | 3.45 | -2.45 |
Artist Analysis
Favorite Artists
Artists with 2+ albums and high weighted score
| Artist | Albums | Avg | Score |
|---|---|---|---|
| Sonic Youth | 5 | 4.8 | 4.13 |
| Beatles | 7 | 4.57 | 4.1 |
| Blur | 3 | 5 | 4 |
| Nirvana | 3 | 5 | 4 |
| The Velvet Underground | 3 | 5 | 4 |
| Radiohead | 6 | 4.33 | 3.89 |
| Pixies | 3 | 4.67 | 3.83 |
| The Cure | 3 | 4.67 | 3.83 |
| Arcade Fire | 3 | 4.67 | 3.83 |
| Oasis | 2 | 5 | 3.8 |
| Joy Division | 2 | 5 | 3.8 |
| Iggy Pop | 2 | 5 | 3.8 |
| The Clash | 2 | 5 | 3.8 |
| David Bowie | 9 | 4 | 3.75 |
| My Bloody Valentine | 3 | 4.33 | 3.67 |
| The Stooges | 3 | 4.33 | 3.67 |
Least Favorite Artists
Artists with 2+ albums and low weighted score
| Artist | Albums | Avg | Score |
|---|---|---|---|
| U2 | 4 | 1.25 | 2 |
| Yes | 3 | 1.33 | 2.17 |
| Kanye West | 3 | 1.33 | 2.17 |
| Madonna | 3 | 1.33 | 2.17 |
| George Michael | 2 | 1 | 2.2 |
| Everything But The Girl | 2 | 1 | 2.2 |
| Dolly Parton | 2 | 1 | 2.2 |
| Taylor Swift | 2 | 1 | 2.2 |
| Eagles | 2 | 1 | 2.2 |
| Willie Nelson | 2 | 1 | 2.2 |
| Baaba Maal | 2 | 1 | 2.2 |
| k.d. lang | 2 | 1 | 2.2 |
| Christina Aguilera | 2 | 1 | 2.2 |
| Elton John | 2 | 1.5 | 2.4 |
| Gene Clark | 2 | 1.5 | 2.4 |
| Fiona Apple | 2 | 1.5 | 2.4 |
| Emerson, Lake & Palmer | 2 | 1.5 | 2.4 |
| Common | 2 | 1.5 | 2.4 |
| Missy Elliott | 2 | 1.5 | 2.4 |
| Robert Wyatt | 2 | 1.5 | 2.4 |
| The Police | 2 | 1.5 | 2.4 |
| Fairport Convention | 2 | 1.5 | 2.4 |
| Slipknot | 2 | 1.5 | 2.4 |
| Rufus Wainwright | 2 | 1.5 | 2.4 |
| XTC | 2 | 1.5 | 2.4 |
| The Byrds | 5 | 2.2 | 2.5 |
| Deep Purple | 3 | 2 | 2.5 |
| Beastie Boys | 3 | 2 | 2.5 |
| Van Morrison | 3 | 2 | 2.5 |
| Tim Buckley | 3 | 2 | 2.5 |
| Prince | 3 | 2 | 2.5 |
| Kate Bush | 3 | 2 | 2.5 |
| Pink Floyd | 4 | 2.25 | 2.57 |
| Neil Young | 4 | 2.25 | 2.57 |
| Elvis Costello & The Attractions | 4 | 2.25 | 2.57 |
| Miles Davis | 4 | 2.25 | 2.57 |
5-Star Albums (68)
View Album Wall
Popular Reviews
The Black Keys
3/5
This is an an album by The Black Keys. The rating for the album is 3 stars.
108 likes
The Incredible String Band
1/5
Really enjoyed this. Of course by enjoyed, I mean I tolerated it. By tolerated it, I mean I'd rather smother by body in chilli and get fucked by all members of The Incredible String Band wearing condoms laced with razor blades, whilst my Internet search history is read to everyone I've ever met, than ever listen to this ever again.
106 likes
John Lennon
2/5
I mean, it's Imagine by Julian Lennon's dad, it's a bit 'meh'. Jealous Guy is a good song....towards the end it made me punch a wall...but at least it wasn't my wife, eh John?
60 likes
The Replacements
4/5
After the discord of The Beatles, the group sought to get back to basics with a rock LP and a film about its creation. This was the eventual result.
As the 1960s wound down, so did the Beatles. The symmetry was perfect: youthful energy, optimism, and camaraderie had given over to cynicism, discord, and looking out for number one. As the decade's final year began, the White Album was still riding high on the charts and the Yellow Submarine soundtrack was days away from release. But the Beatles were in serious trouble. Nothing about being in the band was enjoyable or easy. The power vacuum left by the death of manager Brian Epstein a year and a half earlier had never been satisfactorily filled; Apple Corps, the multi-media company started by the band a year earlier, was bleeding money; and toughest of all, the once-Fab Four didn't generally enjoy being in the same room together. All were either married or close to it, closing in on 30, and tremendously weary of all they'd been through.
Paul McCartney, the most devoted of the gang to the notion of the Beatles (Ringo Starr called him the "Beatleaholic"), thought that the group needed a special project to bring it together. Another White Album-style scenario, with the songwriters in the band working alone in separate studios, enlisting each other to serve as a de facto backup band, was bound to fail. Too much good will and trust had been lost. They needed something big they could all submit to. Several ideas were proposed, most involving a return of some kind to live performance: perhaps a live album of new songs or a huge show in a remote place; maybe the band would charter an ocean liner and make an album on it. Ultimately, it was decided that the band would be filmed on a soundstage rehearsing for a show and developing material for a new album-- a document of the Beatles at work. The theme for the project would be back-to-basics, a return of the group as a performing unit, sans overdubs, emphasizing their inherent musicality. Working title: Get Back.
It was an awful idea. First, no one was sure exactly what he was supposed to be doing. Glyn Johns was there, a new presence behind the boards, but he never quite figured out if he was producing or just engineering. Regular producer George Martin was technically on board, but his participation was minimal. While Let It Be was initially meant to be a return to simplicity, Phil Spector's later involvement (he was brought in to "reproduce" the tracks, adding extra voices and instruments to thicken arrangements and remix the record, a decision made without McCartney's input) killed that angle.
Organizational chaos aside, the sessions were painful. We all know what it feels like to be around people we don't like for days on end; if reality television has taught us anything, it's that a camera crew in a room full of such people does nothing to ease tension. The time the Beatles spent recording and filming was described by all as supremely unpleasant, despite a later uptick when they'd returned to finish up at Abbey Road. And when they finished, no one really liked what they'd laid down on tape. So not surprisingly, the essential nature of Let It Be is that it feels incomplete and fragmented; it's a difficult album to peg because the Beatles were never sure themselves what they wanted it to be. So the best way to approach it is as a collection of songs by guys who still were churning out classics with some regularity. It may not succeed on the level of the Beatles' previous albums, but there's enough good material to make it a worthy entry in their canon.
Outside of the title track, there's little here that feels consequential to the Beatles' legacy. The easy acoustic shuffle of the John Lennon and Paul McCartney duet "Two of Us" has appeal, though, as do the prickly rhythmic drive of George Harrison's "For You Blue" and the bubbling Booker T-isms of McCartney's "Get Back". The swampy "I've Got a Feeling", possibly reflecting McCartney's recent interest in Canned Heat, is intriguing because it sounds so classic rock 70s. And Lennon's "Across the Universe", recorded during the White Album sessions and sounding like it was beamed in from somewhere else, has a certain ringing brilliance. For balance, there's "Dig a Pony" and the boogieing "One After 909", the latter actually written by Lennon and McCartney as kids in the fifties. Still, for plenty of good bands, the best of these would be career highlights.
Recorded without joy, set aside for months while a better album was assembled, and finally remixed in a way that enraged one of the band's principals, Let It Be finally saw release in May 1970. But by that point, the Beatles break-up had been official for several weeks. There's since been a live album, compilations, digitization, trolls through the archives, and an ocean of ink spilled about this little band that made it very big. And now there are these CD issues, done beautifully. But there never was a proper reunion, and we can assume that there will never be another Beatles.
Ahh fuck, this is the wrong Let it Be, isn't it?
53 likes
Buena Vista Social Club
3/5
I felt like a sexy latino on a sun drenched beach in a quiet fishing town in Cuba sipping pina coladas and smiling at the world. Then I got angry that I wasn't on a beach in the sun, drinking and punched a wall.
47 likes
1-Star Albums (122)
All Ratings
Ghostface Killah
2/5
Was wonderful. I danced and danced and danced... then broke down and punched a wall. It reminded me of Otis Redding's early work. I did find 'Ghostface' very upsetting though #wlm
Buena Vista Social Club
3/5
I felt like a sexy latino on a sun drenched beach in a quiet fishing town in Cuba sipping pina coladas and smiling at the world. Then I got angry that I wasn't on a beach in the sun, drinking and punched a wall.
John Lennon
2/5
I mean, it's Imagine by Julian Lennon's dad, it's a bit 'meh'. Jealous Guy is a good song....towards the end it made me punch a wall...but at least it wasn't my wife, eh John?
The Byrds
2/5
It probably did sound like the 5th dimension in 1966 with elements of experimental chamber psych, but in 2021, it sounds very 2D. Pleasant enough...you can hear the lads have had some lsd and are trying something different here, but it wasn't anything that piqued my interest for too long.
Dusty Springfield
3/5
Yeah, it was fine, wasn't it? I had a lovely relaxing first hour at work feeling soothed by her tones.
Would you SHACK?
Electric Light Orchestra
2/5
Kind of thing SHACK's mum likes as she watches him swish his hair.
Paul McCartney and Wings
3/5
Wings? They're only the band The Beatles could've been!
............. Someone else will write this.
The Slits
2/5
I just didn't give a fuck about this at all. Sorry Scott. I can barely remember it.
Spiritualized
3/5
I felt like a humanised piece of sperm floating in eternity.
David Bowie
4/5
⛷🦴🤟🏿
Creedence Clearwater Revival
3/5
Green River always has a warm place in our hearts. The way Fogerty and the boys created the album was loads of work to get it all together.
Green River is the first Creedence Clearwater Revival album that follows an awesome formula that made them such hitmakers in the history of rock.
CCR’s Green River was indeed one of the bands who paved the way for psychedelic music, and this is why the band kicks ass.
John Fogerty, in this album, showcased his vocals and made damn sure that his voice was one of the best in rock n’ roll ever.
And as a whole, Green River shows the band moving forward from some of their extended jam sessions of previous albums and focusing on greatness and more direct radio-friendly without having to lose their rock roots.
Final thought: Green River is the first Creedence Clearwater Revival album still wholly listenable to this day.
Buddy Holly & The Crickets
3/5
Fucking hell. I listened to the first song and couldn't be arsed. I will rate anyway, just for the numbers.
Frank Sinatra
2/5
Like a limp dick dipped in cold custard.
N.W.A.
4/5
Laden with the N word and tales from the hood, you can see how this album became the inspiration for bands like Coldplay and Glasvegas. NWA walked so Elbow could fly.
.
I could have said 'so Doves could fly', which would be better, but I don't mind Doves and Elbow can go suck a dick.
M.I.A.
2/5
Overrated.
Traffic
1/5
Wow. This made me want to have lamb chops for breakfast. I can't remember a thing about it.
Radiohead
5/5
We're supposed to all agree that this is perfect, aren't we? It was the first of the 'groundbreaking' Radiohead albums after their early indie efforts. Exit Music is my favourite Radiohead song. Still think The Bends is better though.
Talking Heads
4/5
⭐⭐⭐⭐
Morrissey
4/5
For someone who hates meat, he's very gammon. He would hate SHACK's breakfast choices.
Suicide
2/5
Derivitive of Sexy Breakfast's early demos
Pink Floyd
1/5
Comfortably shit
George Michael
1/5
Erm... Yeah, George Michael, the least talented one from Wham! Andrew Ridgeley's post-Wham! albums were so, so much better. The world just hasn't realised yet.
The The
2/5
This hit me like a blunderbuss to the face. I was expecting something entirely different. I'm still not sure how I feel about it. Large parts of it were like the Monster Mash.
Crowded House
3/5
Hated the first song. Won me over by Take the Weather. Been on repeat since. Looking for a signed vinyl collection if anyone knows of any. Looking forward to the Castlefield Bowl gig in July.
Sade
2/5
Nah, fuck this.
David Bowie
4/5
Examples of heroes are:- Our Lord Jesus Christ, Kris Akabusi, Jade Goody, Michael Barrymore, Purple Aki, Captain Sir Tom, Jesse Lingard, SHACK, Rosie from Rosie and Jim, Jo Wiley's sister, Harvey Price and Sunshine.
Bob Dylan
4/5
I've long suspected that, not unlike most of the Liverpool team, Bob Dylan is a souped up mega-nonce. This boy-hungry predator who can't sing or play harmonica, still manages to knock out a decent LP...presumably simply to lure in innocent children. For them, Highway 61 should never be revisited, for us it's fine.
Napalm Death
2/5
What a bunch of cowardly pussies these lads are. Trying to act all tough, but we know you just crave your mother's loving teet.
Doves
3/5
Yeah, good.
Teenage Fanclub
3/5
It"s fine, if not unremarkable. I'd use some of the songs in a coming of age indie movie set in Wisconsin.
Neil Young
2/5
Some good, lots whiny.
Led Zeppelin
3/5
Robert Plant is a bit of a 'nob with vocals akin to Pat Sharp scraping his mullet down a blackboard. Overblown in places. Wanky guitar solos at times, but fine I suppose.
Randy Newman
2/5
More politically complex versions of the songs from Toy Story 2. The worst one. Actually, 4 is the worst one, but I don't consider that to be in the proper film in the series, as it falls outside of Andy's character arch.
Fugazi
4/5
Utterly shit. Like a poor man's Papa Roach
Butthole Surfers
3/5
A thundering volley of whingeing fuck knuckles.
Elton John
1/5
Ergh. I expected this is actually be alright, but it was absolutely fucking shit and really irritated me.
Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young
2/5
I went out for a walk this afternoon and regretfully put this on to accompany me. Starts off okay, then quickly becomes a limping foetus, then gains friction again, before firmly face planting into the forgettable friend zone.
Turbonegro
3/5
Made me want to have non-consensual sex with myself.
Deep Purple
2/5
🤘🤘🤘🤘🤘🤘🤘🤘🤘🤘🤘🤘🤘🤘🤘🤘🤘🤘🤘🏿🤘🏿🤘🏿🤘🏿🤘🏿🤘🏿🤘🏿🤘🏿🤘🏿🤘🏿🤘🏿🤘🏿🤘🏿🤘🏿🤘🏿🤘🏾🤘🏾🤘🏾🤘🏾🤘🏾🤘🏾🤘🏾🤘🏾🤘🏾🤘🏾🤘🏾🤘🏾🤘🏽🤘🏽🤘🏽🤘🏽🤘🏽🤘🏽🤘🏽🤘🏽🤘🏽🤘🏽🤘🏽🤘🏽🤘🏽🤘🏽🤘🏽🤘🏽🤘🏼🤘🏼🤘🏼🤘🏼🤘🏼🤘🏼🤘🏼🤘🏼🤘🏼🤘🏼🤘🏼🤘🏼🤘🏼🤘🏼🤘🏻🤘🏻🤘🏻🤘🏻🤘🏻🤘🏻🤘🏻🤘🏻🤘🏻🤘🏻🤘🏻🤘🏻🤘🏻🤘🏻🤘🏻
Deep Purple? I prefer Pink.
Lenny Kravitz
5/5
This is shit, but I'm going to rank it above Lennon just for bantz.
Ice T
2/5
Pimpin' ain't easy indeed.
Happy Mondays
4/5
MAD-chester. Has anyone used that before? Haven't listened to this for a long time. It was very enjoyable...especially juxtaposed with some of the shit we've had on here this week. Well done lads.
Arctic Monkeys
5/5
The band were fuckin' wank and I'm not having a nice time.
Led Zeppelin
2/5
BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY. You simply have to conclude that Robert Plant fucks babies.
The Teardrop Explodes
3/5
Some of it sounded like The Jam, with a hint of The Smiths and even Madness. Got a bit too 80s and keyboardy at times. What I'm trying to say is, they're like a shit Keane.
Yes
1/5
No.
Pavement
4/5
It's actually 'Sidewalk'.
Mott The Hoople
2/5
This doesn't have All the Young Dudes on it, so what's the point? It's such a shame Nigel has left us and we won't get a tale about when he motted someone's mum's hoople.
Meat Loaf
1/5
It's fucking Meatloaf! Of course it gets 5 stars.
That was my review before actually listening to it. My God, what a colossal heap of shit this is. Music for jockeys who've had too much cocaine.
Air
4/5
Blissfully drifted away on a sunny Friday morning. The mellow sounds made be want to swim in a tranquil sea...with a group of people, in order to stop the tyranny of our Hollywood paedophile overlords.
Travis
3/5
The man who what, Travis? The man who what? It's been 22 years and we still don't fucking know, damn it.
Stephen Stills
2/5
Hmm well...
Coldplay
3/5
I prefer beige Coldplay to technicolour rainbow ft. Rhianna Coldplay. This is going to get hammered on here, but it's alright. Unspectacular and uninspiring, but alright.
Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds
4/5
Oooh you're hard, Nick, talking about murder and death and dark stuff.
Bad Company
1/5
😒 Not for me, Clive.
Bill Evans Trio
1/5
Nice. What a avant garde way of doing things, stick the same song on twice in a row and see if you can drive your audience insane. Spaz jazz.
Wilco
3/5
I suppose you had to be there.
The Everly Brothers
2/5
Not as good as 90s WWF tag team The Beverly Brothers... but frankly, what is?
Beastie Boys
3/5
I know, right? I just don't like it that much.
The Pogues
4/5
Jaunty
Aretha Franklin
3/5
Good I suppose. I bet 'Baby, Baby, Baby' is Robert Plant's favourite song from this. The creepy nonce.
Haircut 100
3/5
Beige cable knit jumpers and tucked in, short sleeve shirts with ties suggested this would be fun. It was....mostly. Sean Lock in the bottom corner there too.
The Triffids
2/5
What a load of shite. It's like they were 6th form students asked to do an impression of an 80s Christian rock band at Eurovision. I started finding it funny though due to how bad it was, like they can't have been serious. I suppose I can't give it 1 star, because I did take some enjoyment from it, but absolutely not in the way they intended.
The Rolling Stones
3/5
Out of the blocks fast, before belly flopping. They should steer clear of the ballads. Hey, you hear that, Mick? It's probably too late. Yeah, just checked it out, The Rolling Stones have had loads more songs since this. How can you have an album with Sympathy for the Devil as the opener and the follow it up with such filler crap? It picks up again a bit, but I was angry after tracks 2 and 3.... well not angry, but disappointed.
Black Sabbath
5/5
It's the album Prince Philip will have blaring out as he's lowered into his grave. As if we're not getting a bank holiday. That is most upsetting.
Lou Reed
4/5
Remember in the mid 90s when a bunch of singers covered Perfect Day? Like Heather from M People smashing the granny out of it. David Bowie, The Lightning Seeds and bloody Boyzone!!! What a time.
New Order
2/5
It's fine, but it's hardly "OH MY GOD HAVE YOU HEARD THE NEW NEW ORDER RECORD", is it?
Don McLean
1/5
More 70s gold. I bet Robert Plant's favourite is 'Everybody Loves me, Baby'. Absolute baby botherer.
Lauryn Hill
2/5
Went on for too long.
Morrissey
4/5
Yeah, I thought it was pretty good.
People always ask who's your Arsenal. For me it's not the invincibles, it's not "it's up for grabs now" Michael Thomas Fever Pitch et al Arsenal, it's not record breaking FA Cup winning Arsenal or Xhaka getting sent off or Jack Wilshere getting injured. No, it's Carl Jenkinson and co getting beaten 8-2 at Old Trafford with "with a packet of sweets and a cheeky smile, Arsene Wenger is a paedophile " playing in the background.
Belle & Sebastian
3/5
🦀 Just songs that are on in indie movies about heartbreak and finding yourself. Maybe a guy is in love, with the quirky new girl, but you later find out he was touched by the P.E teacher when he was 6 and the quirky girl is his daughter. I might write that actually.
Orchestral Manoeuvres In The Dark
2/5
Right okay, what's this?
Joan Baez
2/5
Dennis Bergkamp
Soft Cell
2/5
Helicopters on Mars vs European Super League IV: Sex Dwarf.
T. Rex
2/5
Less fun than I thought it would be. Fun Fact: Robert Plant's favourite tracks off this are Baby Boomerang and Baby Strange. I think we know why.
Gene Clark
2/5
Go wank over a spreadsheet, you nonce.
Fiona Apple
2/5
Erm... alright
Pet Shop Boys
2/5
Couldn't care less. Where's his big hat at? A pair of crunchy truncheons.
Elton John
2/5
Second Elton John album we've had. Second Elton John album we've had that's not very good.
Donald Fagen
2/5
Where the fuck are they finding these albums? (I know it's from that book).
Robert Plant's favourite from this is Ruby Baby. He likes fucking babies...even ruby ones.
The Undertones
3/5
John Peel's wet dream. I could only just about muster a semi.
5/5
Modern life IS rubbish. It was a lot better in 1993 with Mr. Blobby, Blind Date and Man Utd about to dominate. The only good thing about life now is online pornography and West Bromwich Albion's mascot, Boilerman. And we haven't been able to even see him for over a year now....apart from in online pornography.
Neu!
3/5
Go on the Krautrocks. Thomas Tuchel loves it. He's tops off on the autobahn.
Simon & Garfunkel
3/5
Gentle, pleasant and soothing are just three ways to describe this soft, warm caress that Simon and Garfunkel provide on this album. It also describes the way your mum sucks off your dad and his mates from the pub. Yes, YOUR mum. 🍆
My Bloody Valentine
4/5
Very enjoyable. Thank you.
Talking Heads
4/5
Headddddds
The Young Rascals
2/5
It had several songs which were unavailable to play in my country. It wasn't a great shame. It was alright. Standard 60s shiz. Like SHACK shagging the chippy tranny.
Led Zeppelin
2/5
More warbelling about babies from the Plantmeister. Not nearly as many on this one, but I'm sick to death of Led Zeppelin coming up on here. Three times already. At least that means only one to go.
The Monks
4/5
How many times have I told you guys it's black monk time? Now, finally, here we are. It was the most fun I've ever had.
David Bowie
5/5
Even by David Bowie's standards this is Low.
David Bowie
4/5
Turn and face the strange. Bowie Wednesday and Thursday, what a treat. What a shape shifter. What a great set of hits. Phwoar!!! 🦀🐓🦄🦓🦏🦇🐧🦈🕷
John Grant
1/5
Not arsed.
TLC
2/5
🍆
Hugh Masekela
2/5
Miles likes jazz.
Black Sabbath
4/5
But, what's Kelly Osbourne up to these days?
The Style Council
1/5
The piano was annoying at the start. I thought that that was just going to be an intro, but the shit show just continued. Sorry Weller, but it's just a big pile of wank. Utter horse shit. Unacceptable.
Ray Price
3/5
Probably says 'honky' a few too many times.
The Verve
3/5
I suppose so. Not as popular as Urban Hymns, so I suppose it's cooler, right? It's not better.
Lou Reed
2/5
Ahhh it's not great, is it? 🧑🦽
Massive Attack
4/5
Big Attack would suffice. No need to be arrogant. An example of a massive attack is Andy Carroll and SHACK.
Portishead
4/5
☠💌🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🦐
Japan
2/5
Kind of thing Dave would rate as 5 stars.
Public Enemy
3/5
Don't believe the hype.
Scott scores this 5 stars...as he does with every hip hop/rap album...because he's so punk.
The Stooges
4/5
Where the hell were Pat Sharp and the twins?
Public Enemy
3/5
2nd time in two days? Give us a break. I'm just going to assume it was similar to the other one.
Fine, I'll listen to a bit....
... It's similar to the other one.
Fun fact: Robert Plant's favourites from this are Rebirth and Lost at Birth.
Wilco
3/5
How the fuck are there two Wilco albums in this list?
It's alright, but hardly noteworthy. Christ, what if there's more?
Fun fact: Wilco sleeps upside down.
The Pharcyde
2/5
Oh shit.
Leonard Cohen
3/5
Hallelujah
Hawkwind
2/5
Brilliant, breathtaking, beautiful. A truly life affirming, life changing journey of music. One for the ages. I've just been to get a Hawkwind tattoo on my chest...and neck...and penis. Just incredible.
Tangerine Dream
3/5
Was only able to listen to two of the four songs, so can't fully judge. The other two were probably excellent.
Julian Cope
4/5
I enjoyed a lot of it. No need for the deluxe edition again, guys. I've not got 2 and a half hours in me. Felt like the Man Utd Villareal penalty shoot out.
Marilyn Manson
2/5
Like a ship sailing into lava. What a weird, touchy, rapey, gothy creep.
Queen Latifah
2/5
Haha Queen Latifah though. I don't throw the term 'anal chaos' out often, but today it seems right.
R.E.M.
3/5
😶 < Michael Stipe.
Bauhaus
3/5
🐼
LCD Soundsystem
4/5
Maccaroni and beef.
Fun fact: oh baby is Robert Plant's favourite from this album.
U2
1/5
Fuck off Bono.
Fun Fact: Led Zeppelin's Robert Plant chose this album title from a shortlist of 16 including Achtung Adult and Achtung Teenager.
The Flaming Lips
4/5
Delighted to see this here.🌐🌐🌐🌐🌐🌐🌐🌐🌐🌐🌐🌐🌐🌐🌐🌐🌐
Fever Ray
3/5
💧 trying too hard
Jorge Ben Jor
3/5
Fuelled my 5g mania.
Queen
2/5
I mostly couldn't be bothered. Didn't have any of the hits. At least have the hits! Deaddie Mercury.
Bob Marley & The Wailers
4/5
💚💛🖤
Todd Rundgren
3/5
The name screams "prog-rock"... let's find out....
Haha it was confirmed after the first note.
Rock n Roll pussy.
A colourful clusterfuck.
Metallica
2/5
As someone who has started a mosh pit watching Metallica, I feel like I'm very qualified to judge this.
It's not very good. They were also not very good live, which is why we started a mosh pit to liven it up.
I think they're incredibly uncool. 🤟🤘🤟🤘
The Saints
4/5
Go on, Southampton.
I thoroughly enjoyed this.
Sisters Of Mercy
3/5
Suppose
Bob Dylan
4/5
Bob Dylan innit.
TV On The Radio
4/5
🎄
Os Mutantes
4/5
Look, we all know Robert Plant's favourite from this is "baby"...that's a given.
I thought it was pretty cool.
The Lemonheads
3/5
American slacker fun.
Van Morrison
2/5
Nah, not having this. Music for nonces.
Wire
4/5
Erm... well, it was good. I listened to it this morning, but my day has been rather broccoli heavy to be honest. Everything else has taken a backseat. 🥦🥦🥦🥦🥦🥦🥦
Sebadoh
4/5
👾
The Divine Comedy
2/5
Like swinging a pig's dick in the wind on a Wednesday afternoon in April.
Sonic Youth
5/5
Dead good innit.
Bee Gees
2/5
Get these guys a statue. 2nd best band from the Isle of Man...
Sexy Breakfast if you're wondering...
Thundercat
2/5
An intergalactic fuck party. Meow. Meow. Meow. Get your tits out and jiggle.
Isaac Hayes
3/5
Sexy motherfucker
4/5
What a fucking tune Victoria is.
The Go-Betweens
2/5
Dogshit. Better then Bono though.
Television
5/5
J'aime.
The Strokes love it.
Marvin Gaye
3/5
🍆💦
Belle & Sebastian
3/5
'You're just a baby' is Robert Plant's favourite from this. The guy loves babies. Not in a good way.
Funkadelic
3/5
It didn't inspire me to dance in the office at 10am on a Monday morning. Top funk would have. The whole office would be up off their seats, with every demographic represented, in a rainbow-coalition of dancing.
Pet Shop Boys
3/5
Patrick Vieira's round head
John Lee Hooker
2/5
Baby Lee is Robert Plant's favourite. Fancies babies. Nonce.
Radiohead
5/5
Thom Yorke's weird little talented face. Not as up its own ass as OK Computer and not as revered...but it's better, isn't it? Tweek my nipples.
Oasis
5/5
It's like eating, and then shitting out a metal belt.
New Order
3/5
Prefer the old order
Depeche Mode
3/5
Fine, but a bit boring. Hardly a jamboree of joy. I used to always turn over when they came up on the music channels in the early 00s.
John Coltrane
2/5
Miles likes jazz.
Frank Black
4/5
I was voted teenager of the year in 1997. Incredible that I won it really, having only been a teenager for 14 days, but there you go. I remember Scott Kelly being particularly upset by this as he'd been a teenager for longer. He now goes by the username of spackers, so that's the kind of guy he is and shows you that he never stood a chance. Spackers. I mean, come on. Anyway, this album was good.
Harry Nilsson
3/5
Harry seems happy here. Strong album name.
Boards of Canada
4/5
Music has the right to children. SHACK also has the right to children.
Sarah Vaughan
4/5
AND IT'S LIVE!
I actually think it's pretty cool.
Mister Kelly is a bit of a nonce though.
Sister Sledge
3/5
🕺Tastes like rusty cum.
The Doors
3/5
Little Mark with a C with his flowing hair.
Eminem
4/5
SHACK is absolutely loving it. Tops off and knee slides everywhere. Windmilling in a toddler's face.
You can't deny the impact this had on a generation...especially on SHACK in that song where they discuss fucking a 15 year old.
fIREHOSE
2/5
Erm...it was okay. 👌
Nina Simone
3/5
Regarded by many as Simone's greatest artistic triumph, Wild is the Wind his a collection of very different songs that work together on multiple levels. They work as social commentary, the singer voicing her frustration with the limited opportunities of African American women in a ways both overt and subtle. They also work as a showcase for the artist's versatility, as she tackles everything from sexy soul to soothing pop, from traditional folk to angry blues. Simone was not just capable of playing in these varied mediums; she could turn each into mesmerizing performance art, powerful self-expression composed of elegance and drama simultaneously.
Fishbone
4/5
Fuck me, what an assault on every one of my senses this is. I guess you aren't supposed to take it seriously, so I won't. A helter-skelter of magic, colour and bonin' in the boneyard. One of those 80s albums where they just threw everything at it and hoped for the best. Freddie's dead. Wild. Truth and Soul.
Frank Sinatra
3/5
As smooth as a snake wearing a condom as a coat.
PJ Harvey
4/5
Oh my
Gillian Welch
2/5
🤶🏿🍒🚕🌪💧🐫
The Doors
4/5
🚪🚪🚪🚪🚪🚪
Green Day
2/5
Ergh. Nah, not having this. Only interested in Nimrod and Dookie.
The Who
2/5
If you're into that sorta thing.
I bet I could beat that deaf dumb and blind kid at pinball.
Iron Maiden
4/5
Eddie's an absolute lad isn't he? I enjoyed this way more than I was expecting to, I thought we were in for much more guitar wankery. It's a lot more classic hard rock, as opposed to metal, than I was anticipating. Very good.
Brian Eno
3/5
Avant garde
Cyndi Lauper
3/5
YES! Finally we can all let our hair down and have a boogie to some 80s power pop. What a day!
Emerson, Lake & Palmer
2/5
I think Stone Cold Steve Austin would beat these three in a handicap match.
A Tribe Called Quest
2/5
It made me so soft, my cock ring fell off in the supermarket.
MGMT
3/5
The rest of the album doesn't hold up to Time to Pretend, Kids and Electric Feel, but those three are fucking huge tunes...although were played to death a bit at the time. Let's shoot some heroin and fuck with the stars, I suppose.
Curtis Mayfield
3/5
Did you know?
Mayfield was paralyzed from the neck down after lighting equipment fell on him during a live performance at Wingate Field in Flatbush, Brooklyn, New York, on August 13, 1990.
The Smiths
5/5
But, the Queen still isn't dead.
It's still very good, isn't it? Despite Morrissey being Morrissey.
Did you know?
Harry Enfield and Bob the Builder were in the original line up for The Smiths.
Leonard Cohen
4/5
Didn't expect this. It was really good. I do want it darker, Leonard. You should have done this years ago. Dead now though, eh. You silly bollocks.
Common
2/5
TWIST HIS DICK!
LCD Soundsystem
4/5
Unleash the ravens
The Beach Boys
2/5
Pleasant I suppose.
Fun fact: Robert Plant's favourite tune from this album is 'Good to my Baby. He also LOVES 'Kiss me, Baby'. Huge, huge fan of babies is Bobby.
Jimi Hendrix
3/5
I've never given a flying fuck about Jimi Hendrix.
It was fine.
Soul II Soul
3/5
🦍🐷🐫🐗🐮🐻🦨🐸
Neil Young & Crazy Horse
3/5
Young Neil is back and this time with a horse...and by the looks of it, a dog too...and a tree.
This summer, from the producers of Neil Young's other work, Neil Young is Neil Young in: "Everyone Knows This is Nowhere". In cinemas soon.
The Specials
4/5
It's incredible that a bunch of kids with learning difficulties can deliver music of this quality.
The Stooges
4/5
Before Iggy was a big wrinkly bag of skin.
Hurtles towards you like a firework in a skip.
Derek & The Dominos
2/5
Album title says it all, right?
Jeru The Damaja
3/5
The sound of a jug of thick cream lashing against the pert behind of an Argentinian tango dancer...probably.
Curtis Mayfield
3/5
Big Curtis is back again so soon. Super Fly Jimmy Snuka rates this amongst his favourite albums of 1972.
Eurythmics
3/5
Sweet Dreams is obviously a great song, I just couldn't be bothered with the rest of it. I know that's very lazy of me, but what are you gonna do?
Tom Waits
3/5
I too have shot billiards with a midget until the rain stopped.
What are you waiting for, Tom? Just do it!
The Roots
3/5
Dripping with fanny
The Who
3/5
Honestly, it was all just research for a book.
Screaming Trees
3/5
Pffffffft. Thought it was going to be better than it was.
Bob Marley & The Wailers
3/5
I know I should care more, but I just can't even
Pretenders
3/5
Pretending to be good at music, right? Am I right? Like they're not actually good at music, they're only pretending...because they're The Pretenders...they pretend to do stuff. In this instance, they're pretending to make music, but fail to... It's all Pretend. They're The Prenenders. I'm not sure if you're getting it.
Aimee Mann
2/5
I did not like this very much.
Beatles
5/5
196 albums in and finally The Beatles.
They sound like an overweight pig on a skateboard, wheezing in the Autumn sun...in a good way.
Buffalo Springfield
2/5
Bit Shit.
Van Morrison
2/5
https://youtu.be/OaqxIXs_mn4
^sums it up
The Afghan Whigs
4/5
Up The Talilads
Tom Waits
4/5
"...Nah, was much sicker than that. It involved a midget in a nappy, a life size model of SHACK and a sex swing."
Radiohead
4/5
Three points:-
Kid A is probably actually Kid D in terms of Radiohead album rankings.
Kid A is number one son Chris McCormick.
This album is too old for Robert Plant's taste.
Laibach
2/5
Scott and Bort once went to see these guys play at a Lost Prophets exhibition or something. On display they had the cover of Nevermind by Nirvana. The baby from that cover was in Laibach and also featured heavily in several Lost Prophets videos. I think that's how that story goes.
Mekons
3/5
Benjamin Mendy
Bob Dylan
5/5
Bob Dyldo.
The Sugarcubes
2/5
Not arsed
The Only Ones
3/5
🤧
Morrissey
3/5
Ergh. Stop me if you think that you've heard this one before. Again it's quite good...he's makes good music. Just a shame he's such a bad crab.
CHIC
4/5
These guys have no rhythm.
Kelela
1/5
This really isn't me.
Roni Size
3/5
Probably amongst the worst things from the house of darkness malarkey.
I might need to get some drugs in.
Peter Frampton
1/5
Shite. Like, really shite.
Orange Juice
3/5
Prefer apple juice
Santana
2/5
Jaw-droppingly average.
Queen
3/5
It's crazy that these four guys all jizzed into the Queen's hole and 9 months later produced a royal, sweat-free, pizza hut dwelling definite non-nonce.
Elbow
2/5
Like wanking in a wheelbarrow. Uncomfortable and perverse.
Mudhoney
4/5
Enjoyable fudge packing.
If I was to describe this as a footballer, it would be Marco Reus.
The Sabres Of Paradise
1/5
No thanks, Sabres of Paradise.
If this was a footballer, it'd be Jason Puncheon.
Leonard Cohen
3/5
Probably stomached enough of Leonard by this point.
If this was a footballer, it'd be Phil Neville.
Keith Jarrett
3/5
If this was a footballer, it'd be Dimitar Berbatov during his career wind down at Fulham.
Joy Division
5/5
Footballer = Zlatan
John Mayall & The Bluesbreakers
1/5
Uber blues. Couldn't be arsed with the whole thing. It's probably unfair to judge this because everyone has heard the blues been done so, so, so many times that it all just sounds the same. Maybe this was pioneering at the time...but who gives a fuck?
If it was a footballer, it'd be Michael Ballack. Not due to ability, but because he played for Chelsea, a team in blue and also, more importantly because like Eric Clapton, who features in this, his son died. Yeah, sue me.
Muddy Waters
3/5
Sounds like a half melted bin lid bravely battling against a ferocious inferno. It doesn't really, but that's what I'm going with.
If it was a footballer, it'd be Dwight Yorke.
Elvis Costello & The Attractions
2/5
Like a slice of slightly burnt, dry toast. Edible, but not very satisfying.
If it was a footballer, it'd be James Tarkowski.
Everything But The Girl
1/5
Maybe you just had to be there and I'm being over-critical, but then again maybe Hitler wouldn't have been so grumpy if people weren't ignoring his high 5s all the time.
If it was a footballer, it'd be Dominic Solanke.
SHACK loves lamb chops
Björk
4/5
She was surprisingly dull when I saw her live. Big costume, but just didn't do anything for me on the day. I was hot and hungover in Barcelona though. Much better here.
If it was a footballer, it'd be Jack Grealish. Pretty good, but I'd imagine very annoying. Incredible calves.
Air
4/5
What happened, Air? What happened to 'Sexy Boy'? Things got a little dark here. 'Dead bodies'? ,'Suicide Underground'? jeez.
If it was a footballer, it'd be Justin Fashanu...
Tricky
2/5
Pffft ermm...ergh..yeah...
If it was a footballer, it'd be Tony Hibbert.
Dexys Midnight Runners
3/5
Well...this is fun, isn't it? A thunderbolt right up the bum. A pop triumph.
If it was a footballer, it'd be Jay Jay Okocha.
Jane's Addiction
3/5
Hairy growlers filtered through fish guts. Jane's Addiction is clearly to not shave the old muff.
If it was a footballer, it'd be Keith Gillespie. His promising early career was ruined by his gambling addiction. Plus, he never once shaved his pubes.
Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers
3/5
Hahaha he looks like such a dickhead.
If it was a snooker player, it'd be Paul Hunter (RIP).
Miles Davis
2/5
I really liked this. Well, by liked, I mean tolerated it. Well, by tolerated it, I mean I would rather have my eyeballs injected with spider eggs, whilst having by pubes yanked out by an aggressive Bulgarian dinner lady, all the while a parrot is screeching "Jordan Henderson is the best in the world" down my ear, with every woman I've ever fancied and my family and friends all watching on; than ever listen to a single second of this ever again.
The Avalanches
4/5
Good.
If this was a natural disaster, it'd be an avalanche.
The Who
4/5
The kids are alright, but only because this is The Who's generation and not mine. No, had it been mine, the kids would be in the back of SHACK's van and definitely not alright.
Footballer = Leighton Baines
The Incredible String Band
1/5
Really enjoyed this. Of course by enjoyed, I mean I tolerated it. By tolerated it, I mean I'd rather smother by body in chilli and get fucked by all members of The Incredible String Band wearing condoms laced with razor blades, whilst my Internet search history is read to everyone I've ever met, than ever listen to this ever again.
Garbage
4/5
Not garbage. 🦧
A ferocious album that's both brutal and beautiful.
If it was a footballer, it'd be Franck Ribery.
SHACK has a cervix.
Parliament
3/5
Another hard-fought, highly entertaining thriller.
If this was a 90's TV personality, it'd be Mr Motivator.
Otis Redding
4/5
The first song is called 'Ole Man Trouble' and it made me think of Ole's Man Utd trouble. Really needs a result against Villareal tonight.
Robert Plant's favourite from this is 'Rock Me Baby'. He nonces babies.
Otis Redding is pretty good.
10cc
3/5
The Worst Band in the World. (It's the name of one of the songs, lads)
It was okay I think, wasn't paying attention really. Remember a couple of interesting parts. I'm confused about the while thing.
Let's say, if it was a footballer, it'd be, I don't know, Lewis Dunk? Yeah, Lewis Dunk.
Kanye West
1/5
I know this is a music zeitgeist, but it's actually the first time I've listened to it. I bet cornrow SHACK was all over it. Not for me, Clive.
Kanye West
1/5
Nah, fuck off mate.
Cypress Hill
3/5
Well better than Kanye West. That was a tough two days listening to that ass sandwich. That's all I have to say.
The Rolling Stones
3/5
Stuck this on and settled down to read the Pandora Papers. Top morning.
If this album was a politician using an offshore account to buy a property, it'd be Tony Blair.
If only it had Paint it Black in it, which Scott thinks it did.
Ravi Shankar
3/5
Really fucking excellent. Ravi shagged the shit out of it, didn't he?
If it was a TV show, it'd be Big Break and Jim Davidson would be livid.
Manu Chao
2/5
Mostly background music in a bar on holiday. Bongo Bong was massive though.
If it was a footballer, it'd be Lee Hendrie strawpedoing a tropical Reef, then pissing his pants a couple of hours later.
Everything But The Girl
1/5
Everything but the fucking will to live after listening to this God awful piece of shit.
I don't understand how they're on this list twice...at least. I recognised track 2, so good for them.
If this was a footballer, itd be Emiliano Sala.
Madonna
2/5
Hmm can I bring myself to listen to Madonna?
I guess I have to. Mostly unmemorable pop songs. If it was wall to wall hits, I'd let her off, but it wasn't. I suppose she does offer some artistic merit, it's not all mindless cheese, but it's just not very interesting.
If it was a footballer, it'd be someone who's inexplicably popular, like I don't know...Eden Hazard? Nah, he's just overrated and was wildly inconsistent but, probably still too good...Mario Balotelli! Popular and played for good teams despite his startling lack of talent.
Big Star
2/5
I want to feel you deep inside.
Given the names of some of the songs (Holocaust), I was expecting more than soft rock pop.
If it was a sexual experience, it'd be premature ejaculation followed by uncontrollable weeping and deep shame.
Genesis
2/5
I was too tired to pay any attention to this, but Scott says it was hard work and who am I to argue?
Jude Law looks increasingly like Phil Collins. They both have hot daughters. Goodbye. 🧊
Yes
2/5
More Yes - fantastic.
I don't hate it, but it's just a bit wank, isn't it? All very dated and just and uncool. What a bunch of keyboard shagging geeks.
I bet Iris Law isn't remotely interested in this. 🍄
Kraftwerk
5/5
Now this is an album that I think would really pique the interest of both Jude and Iris Law. 🍤
Pretty revolutionary, wasn't it? The past masters of the future. Haunting and echoing, the album glides effortlessly into the future that has now long since arrived. Yeah
Again, Thomas Tuchel would be tops off on the u bahn with a traffic cone up his ass.
Speaking of The Man Machine... and cones up the ass, I wonder when SHACK will ever do a review again.
Nico
2/5
Needs an injection of The Velvet Underground.
It's nice, but a bit boring. The kind of thing Iris Law listens to on the tube I'd imagine. 🦢
Chelsea rent girl, Chelsea rent girl, whoooaaa whooooaaa
Bert Jansch
2/5
Bargain Bin Bob Dylan? Certainly looks like it in the photo....and yep, sounds like it too...Good.
Bert Jansch is the kind of guy that, had Iris Law been alive in the 60s, she would have dated. 🌼 And by alive in the 60s, I mean in her infancy. And by dated, I mean nonced to within an inch of her life by.
Sly & The Family Stone
2/5
This is shite. Yeah, I'm bored.
Robert Plant's favourite from this is Just Like a Baby.
He eats placentas.
Siouxsie And The Banshees
3/5
Fun Fact: Jar Jar Binks was in the original line up.
808 State
2/5
Get me some party powder immediately.
🍭🤪🙆♂️
Talking Heads
4/5
A spooked ostrich in a house of mirrors.
Aerosmith
2/5
I kind of hate this Hard Rock Cafe shit. It just always seems to lack authenticity. I know that this was sort of a second coming for Aerosmith and they were rock n roll in the 70s🤘🤘🤘🤘, and well done from them for coming back from the abyss, but it on the surface it all seems very cliché. Like someone has thrown up a cocktail of leather, big hair, motorcycles, Jack Daniels and guitar solos. About as cool as the Hell's Angels with all the edges polished.
Having said that, this was actually alright musically. Energetic and pulsating at times, but whimsical and tongue in cheek in moments.
Maybe they are completely aware that they're this caricature, uber glam rock behemoth and are happy to live up to it, without believing it themselves....but then again, maybe they aren't and believe they are bodafide rock gods here to save us all from a grey, lifeless world. I haven't quite decided.
Supergrass
4/5
Didn't expect to see this here.
Fair enough, it's pretty enjoyable for someone who likes Britpop.
Better than Aerosmith anyway.
Fun Fact: I went to see Gaz Coombes live in New York, but got so drunk before the gig that I passed out and pissed myself.
Fun Fact 2: I went to see Supergrass in Amsterdam, but the day before I eat half a space cake and pissed myself.
The Smashing Pumpkins
4/5
Pumpkin fuckers. Just in time for Halloween.
Dolly Parton
1/5
"And people say she's just a big pair of tits".
Red Hot Chili Peppers
2/5
Erm...Under The Bridge is good. Never liked this socks on cocks version of RHCP.
Imagine Steve Bruce scoring 19 goals in the season when this was released. What a superstar.
The Gun Club
4/5
What does SHACK eat for breakfast?
Lamb chops.
Carole King
3/5
I'd imagine it's the kind of album Paul Scholes sucks on his family member's toes to. A glass of scotch and chewing your own daughter's toenails and Carole King, what a perfect evening.
Madonna
1/5
Fuck sake. Madonna. An ageing cockwomble struggling for a sense of relevance in the strange modern world.
Stumbling around like a drunk auntie at a wedding, Madonna seems to be both uninterested and entirely up for it all in one.
I felt nothing listening to this.
Run-D.M.C.
3/5
Ahh it's pretty good for what it is, isn't it? I'd never stick it on at home, but yeah, sound.
If it was an item of furniture, it'd be a diamond encrusted lamp shade that screams "Tricky" every time you turn it on.
Fred Neil
2/5
Kind of boring.
I listened to it about half an hour ago and can't really remember it, but hey maybe that's my memory failing me. Nearly 37, so pretty much on my last legs.
My top 5 Freds are:
Fred (Man Utd)
Fred West
Fred the Weatherman
Fred Flintstone
Fred the Red (Man Utd)
My top 5 Neils are:
Neil Morrissey
Neil Armstrong
Neil Diamond
Neil Morrissey (again)
Neil Morrissey (a 3rd time)
Nirvana
5/5
Grunge goes mainstream. What a sell out.
I heard a very strong rumour that the person holding the dollar bill on the hook was Robert Plant. He lured that baby into his lair and, well, you know the rest.
SHACK was wanking to this at breakfast this morning. He also ate lamb chops.
Dizzee Rascal
2/5
Anton Newcombe has listened to this a lot.
Yeah, fuck you Stormzy, this is real UK grime.
I can appreciate that this started off a scene, but it's not something I care for.
Blur
5/5
This album tastes like sunshine. It perfectly encapsulates the energy and colour of the 90s. Even the more reflective, melancholic moments, it glimmers with light and hope. A bright spark in an already illuminating decade.
Vorsprung durch technik.
Echo And The Bunnymen
4/5
The prefect cocktail of mystery and magic, haunting lyrics and an exquisite score underpinning it all expertly.
I think if that boat was sinking, Big Sam would keep them up.
5/5
I read the news today, oh boy...
Well, it's iconic to say the least. I can't say I've listened to it for about 15 years and was expecting it to actually be a bit shit in reality, but I still enjoyed it. See you again in another 15 years.
2/5
I still haven't found what I'm looking for, but I know it's definitely not U2.
AC/DC
3/5
I suppose some aspects of it are very good. I'm just never really going to be into something that is just so 'rock'. Although I love several sub genres, all out, blue jeans - black t shirt- rock like this just doesn't do anything for me. It's just alright.
Herbie Hancock
2/5
Not arsed. This didn't light up the sky with fireworks on bonfire night.
Earth, Wind & Fire
3/5
Groovy Captain Planet-based fun.
Crosby, Stills & Nash
2/5
A limping foetus of an album.
Taylor Swift
1/5
Like Fearne Fotton screaming into pillow.
Jethro Tull
3/5
Like watching a snuff movie....in a good way.
Funkadelic
3/5
I'm struggling to see how a band called Funkadelic releases an album called Maggot Brain. That's like a pop punk album name.
Anyway, yeah, alright.
Ian Dury
2/5
A cult hero. Like Steven Gerrard is soon to be at Villa. Absolute cum goblin.
Fugees
4/5
But do I care?
Richard Thompson
2/5
They sound like a lovely couple who moved to the suburbs and started experimenting with swinging out of sheer boredom. I might do the same after this.
Missy Elliott
2/5
Like licking cum off the back of a tortoise. Like sucking on a corpse's cliterous. Not very nice.
Dire Straits
2/5
Brave, pioneering, spectacular, explosive and groundbreaking are just five words that do not describe this fairly dull album. 🥂
Simple Minds
2/5
Background music for a Jesus-based circle jerk.
Paul Simon
2/5
Just a bunch of pleasant, unremarkable songs. Bring back Garfunkel!
Muddy Waters
3/5
I'm glad that Mr. Waters is able to get it up again. He must be pumped full of viagra.
Hole
3/5
Didn't mind it actually.
Courtney Love has always struck me as the kind of person who you would catch flash frying roadkill and raw dog food on the floor of your dad's garage at 4am in an attempt to woo him into sucking on her nipples for half an hour.
The Auteurs
3/5
Okay britpop from Suede's ugly younger brother.
Jamiroquai
3/5
Jay Kay and his silly big hats, eh? What a wild time 1993 was.
Ramones
5/5
Good enough that a 15 year old girl can wear one of their t shirts without knowing who they are I suppose. Rock n Roll High-school.
Soundgarden
2/5
Their garden has too many weeds
FKA twigs
3/5
I found some of it irritating and some of it decent. So, here we are in the middle.
The Prodigy
5/5
RIP Keef. If this was a footballer it'd be Razor Ruddock. (Not for his football ability).
Frank Ocean
2/5
Squeaky Usher. Like R Kelly, but without all the noncing (probably).... I mean, we don't know the real reason Ocean's 11 was called that. Still,
...better than Ocean's 8. Both in terms of the film and the connotations that I'm trying to imply, which are, that Frank Ocean nonces 8 and 11 year olds.
Lambchop
3/5
Q. What does SHACK eat for breakfast?
A. Lamb chops.
Amy Winehouse
5/5
More like Amy Whine-house, right?
Probably should have gone to rehab.
Miles Davis
2/5
Miles like jazz.
Aphex Twin
3/5
RIP Paul Walker
Miles Davis
2/5
Fucking Miles Davis. 4 times now. Can't be arsed with it.
The Verve
5/5
What a silly walk.
I didn't actually listen to it because I have many times before and I'm not really in the mood to.
Thin Lizzy
3/5
Fine. Glam rock.
Dr. Dre
2/5
Just a another mother fuckin'...
Milton Nascimento
2/5
Lamb chops
Cat Stevens
3/5
Yusuf innit. I can play Wild World on guitar, so there you go.
The B-52's
3/5
Not as revered as the B51's, but okay
SZA
2/5
What an absolute fuck monster.
If Shakin' Stevens got Parkinson's, would it still be acceptable to call him Shakin' Stevens?
The Yardbirds
3/5
Alright
Iggy Pop
5/5
Energetic bag of skin does tunes.
Lana Del Rey
2/5
This is a complete knee jerk inclusion that does not merit being anywhere near this list.
Bob Dylan
4/5
Little Robert Zimmerman, eh. Definitely sounds like a duck farting in a spacesuit.
Nirvana
5/5
You can hear in his voice that he's considering shooting himself in the head.
It's fucking great really. Not the shooting bit, the music.
Pixies
5/5
Two 5s in a row is a rare treat and a third this week to boot. Christmas has come early.
I wonder what we'll get on Christmas day. It better be fitting for the occasion. I don't want to be sat around with my family listening to Sinead O'Connor, crying into my Christmas Pudding.
R.E.M.
3/5
👌
Roxy Music
4/5
Nevrr listened to this before. I just don't know. Was it good? Was it bad? I think it kind of was good, but I'm scared. Let's say it was.
Antony and the Johnsons
3/5
I don't think you're supposed to call him Antony anymore.
Who knew that 'I am a bird now' would take on such significance?
Lightning Bolt
3/5
Alright, but that's enough of that.
4/5
Q. What does SHACK eat for breakfast?
A. Lamb chops.
Def Leppard
2/5
Hahaha it's like a piss take. I know it wouldn't be at the time, but now? Sheesh. Very much of its era. 80s movie montage.
Rockin'. Yeah.
Penguin Cafe Orchestra
3/5
What the fuck is this? P-p-p pick up a penguin. Erm...it was actually decent. 🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧 Up the penguins.
Just fuck off. Nauseating. Worse than Benjamin Mendy.
James Brown
4/5
🐞 vivid sound. The 10 minute freeview of an album
My Bloody Valentine
5/5
Merrrrrry Christmas
Various Artists
3/5
Bad, bad Christmas nonce...but that's okay, because he shot a woman.
Steely Dan
3/5
It's technically perfect....Just not that thrilling.
1/5
Still no
Fleetwood Mac
2/5
I know everyone creams their knickers about this, but I'm just not hearing it to be honest. It's alright, nothing more. It's getting marked down because it's currently 2nd overall and that is fucking mental.
3/5
Better than Rumours by Fleetwood Mac.
Sonic Youth
5/5
I have this album cover on a t shirt, so I'd better give it 5 stars.
3/5
I've heard from some very reliable sources that seeing Bob Dylan live is one of the greatest experiences you can ever have. Some prefer Bob Dylan dead.
Robert Wyatt
2/5
Another toothy danger
Franz Ferdinand
4/5
If I transport myself back to 2004, then it's probably edging a 4, but probably more a 3 now. I'll be kind to it for the memories.
Jurassic 5
3/5
Better than The Jackson 5....well, fewer nonces anyway.
The Velvet Underground
5/5
Imagine being one of those reviewers that painstakingly deconstructs every song and writes 15 paragraphs like they're auditioning for Q Magazine, when you can sum some albums up in one emoji. 🍌
Joni Mitchell
3/5
Who cares?
The Flying Burrito Brothers
2/5
I was expecting more given the name. Wank farmer music. 🐓🐖🐎🐂
Suede
5/5
She's not dead...yet.
I like Suede. That's as in depth as you're getting from me today.
The Cure
5/5
Disintegration sustains an atmosphere that is gloomy, yet thoroughly gorgeous. It somehow manages to feel both claustrophobic and seductive. Thirty years after its release, Disintegration still holds up. The songs are written and produced excellently, with a clear direction to preserve the general moodiness.
Incubus
2/5
Oh yeah, I haven't written anything, have I? Ah well, probably no need to.
5/5
The brothers' Gallagher just got everything right on this one. The full spirit of the 90s....including the nod to Gary Glitter in 'Hello'. Whatever happened to him?
It was an exciting time and this album chewed up all that youthful spirt and hope and spat it out I our faces with a curled lip and million dollar snarl. This Britpop-tinged monster reminds us of a world that no longer exists.
There will be loads of people reviewing this saying they only know Wonderwall and honestly, it's the worst track on it.
Circle Jerks
4/5
Circle Jerks: Group Sex. What's not to like?
The Stooges
5/5
Look at him though. He doesn't have any raw power. Absolute weakling. Pussy.
The Smashing Pumpkins
3/5
😔
Steely Dan
3/5
Certainly more palatable than the other Steely Dan one we had. Yeah, it was fine.
Solange
1/5
Scott Kelly's wet dream
Talking Heads
4/5
Bowen's on fire and he's shagging Dani Dyer
Grandmaster Flash & The Furious Five
2/5
Fresh
Simon & Garfunkel
2/5
Nice but bland
Faith No More
3/5
Not a patch on Mr. Bungle. Some of it was fine, but ergh, some of it was so Guns 'n' Roses I almost vomited.
Run-D.M.C.
4/5
Oh, I don't know. SHACK'S reviews didn't last very long, did they?
What would CRUTE score this? 3? I'll go somewhere around that then.
RIP Meatloaf
Eric Clapton
1/5
The first track on this is called 'Motherless Children'....well, shouldn't it be the other way round? You know, since Clapton's son did a dead.
I couldn't get beyond that. Childless Mother.
Probably loads of guitar wanking.
The Velvet Underground
5/5
Mellow and reflective with the aggression dialled down from their other efforts. A sobering soundtrack for that inevitable moment when all tomorrow’s parties turn to morning-after, makeup-smeared, self-loathing introspection.
Jefferson Airplane
2/5
In one ear and out the other. Probably a bunch of nonces.
Elastica
4/5
Simultaneously edgy and catchy. Swagger, sneer and energy. Top brit-popping. Roy Hodgson on cocaine.
Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds
4/5
Moody. Direct, yet has many textures, from blues to jazz, which offer a revealing and sympathetic bed for the best, most affecting songs. The Boatman's Call is one of Cave's finest albums and arguably the masterpiece he had been promising throughout his career. Great face too.
Boston
3/5
Just 70s shit isn't it? Fine, not awful, not good. What do you want from me? Slam poetry?
Tom Waits
3/5
Apparently we need to put more effort into this. Nice one Nigel.
Can't be arsed today though.
Michael Kiwanuka
3/5
Why don't you microwave a little bowl of this and serve it to someone who cares?
Ella Fitzgerald
4/5
An album that in many ways embodies that time when Bort had spunk all over his face.
Joan Armatrading
2/5
Chips, cheese and gravy
Foo Fighters
4/5
Can't say I've ever listened to a Foo Fighters album. Can't be as bad as they are live, but that's not down to the music, it's just the fact that Dave Grohl talks for 95% of the set. They play about 1 song every 4 hours.
This was better than expected actually. Good for them.
Paul Simon
3/5
Better than Ed Sheeran.
Manic Street Preachers
4/5
Better than the real bible. New wave, industrial, art rock goth. There's a wonderful seething fury about absolutely everything. #whereisrichie?
Beach House
3/5
I can only imagine what Nigel is going to say about Teen Dreams.
Yeah, this was fine. You might say it's a stirring reminder that good things can happen when you step out of your comfort zone. But I wouldn't. Would make a good support band for The Chuckle Brothers if one of them hadn't died.
Kendrick Lamar
2/5
Bitch, don't kill my vibe.
I have actually seen Kendrick Lamar live around the time this came out, but he was upstaged by a Tupac hologram...as we all are sometimes.
Fleet Foxes
2/5
Save it for a coming of age indie movie. It's alright, not offensive, but you're just never going to blow your load whilst it's on, are you? Or am I...?
I did.
The Young Gods
3/5
Industrial cabaret....in French. How novel. It was interesting at least. Not sure of it'll catch on though. You kids and your music.
The thing about faces is every one is unique. The fact that Rod Stewart decorated his with an expensive mullet is his perogative and should be celebrated for the majestic beast it is. He has a great voice too and should get drunk and do cup draws more often.
Better than Kurt Zouma kicking a cat.
a-ha
3/5
Was always going downhill after Take On Me. Insert some sort of metaphor about Michael Owen's football career and/or Alan Partridge.
The Cars
3/5
You might say -
The Cars remind me of the guy who begins a fuck with lots of promise but then pulls back at exactly the wrong moment, forcing you to resort to your fingers to finish the job.
-but I wouldn't.
Pavement
4/5
Slanted and Enchated, my God Pavement, you are really spoiling us. You usually expect one, but both is really quite special. What a day.
Songhoy Blues
3/5
I didn't hate it you know.
A bit like that Chesterfield Middlesbrough Fa Cup semi final in 1997.
Missy Elliott
1/5
Fuck off with this. Wasn't interested then and I'm not interested now.
Count Basie & His Orchestra
2/5
The juxtaposition of the music to the album cover is confusing. A bit like an owl doing the splits, I'm afraid. Must do better. Declan Rice's girlfriend.
The Replacements
4/5
After the discord of The Beatles, the group sought to get back to basics with a rock LP and a film about its creation. This was the eventual result.
As the 1960s wound down, so did the Beatles. The symmetry was perfect: youthful energy, optimism, and camaraderie had given over to cynicism, discord, and looking out for number one. As the decade's final year began, the White Album was still riding high on the charts and the Yellow Submarine soundtrack was days away from release. But the Beatles were in serious trouble. Nothing about being in the band was enjoyable or easy. The power vacuum left by the death of manager Brian Epstein a year and a half earlier had never been satisfactorily filled; Apple Corps, the multi-media company started by the band a year earlier, was bleeding money; and toughest of all, the once-Fab Four didn't generally enjoy being in the same room together. All were either married or close to it, closing in on 30, and tremendously weary of all they'd been through.
Paul McCartney, the most devoted of the gang to the notion of the Beatles (Ringo Starr called him the "Beatleaholic"), thought that the group needed a special project to bring it together. Another White Album-style scenario, with the songwriters in the band working alone in separate studios, enlisting each other to serve as a de facto backup band, was bound to fail. Too much good will and trust had been lost. They needed something big they could all submit to. Several ideas were proposed, most involving a return of some kind to live performance: perhaps a live album of new songs or a huge show in a remote place; maybe the band would charter an ocean liner and make an album on it. Ultimately, it was decided that the band would be filmed on a soundstage rehearsing for a show and developing material for a new album-- a document of the Beatles at work. The theme for the project would be back-to-basics, a return of the group as a performing unit, sans overdubs, emphasizing their inherent musicality. Working title: Get Back.
It was an awful idea. First, no one was sure exactly what he was supposed to be doing. Glyn Johns was there, a new presence behind the boards, but he never quite figured out if he was producing or just engineering. Regular producer George Martin was technically on board, but his participation was minimal. While Let It Be was initially meant to be a return to simplicity, Phil Spector's later involvement (he was brought in to "reproduce" the tracks, adding extra voices and instruments to thicken arrangements and remix the record, a decision made without McCartney's input) killed that angle.
Organizational chaos aside, the sessions were painful. We all know what it feels like to be around people we don't like for days on end; if reality television has taught us anything, it's that a camera crew in a room full of such people does nothing to ease tension. The time the Beatles spent recording and filming was described by all as supremely unpleasant, despite a later uptick when they'd returned to finish up at Abbey Road. And when they finished, no one really liked what they'd laid down on tape. So not surprisingly, the essential nature of Let It Be is that it feels incomplete and fragmented; it's a difficult album to peg because the Beatles were never sure themselves what they wanted it to be. So the best way to approach it is as a collection of songs by guys who still were churning out classics with some regularity. It may not succeed on the level of the Beatles' previous albums, but there's enough good material to make it a worthy entry in their canon.
Outside of the title track, there's little here that feels consequential to the Beatles' legacy. The easy acoustic shuffle of the John Lennon and Paul McCartney duet "Two of Us" has appeal, though, as do the prickly rhythmic drive of George Harrison's "For You Blue" and the bubbling Booker T-isms of McCartney's "Get Back". The swampy "I've Got a Feeling", possibly reflecting McCartney's recent interest in Canned Heat, is intriguing because it sounds so classic rock 70s. And Lennon's "Across the Universe", recorded during the White Album sessions and sounding like it was beamed in from somewhere else, has a certain ringing brilliance. For balance, there's "Dig a Pony" and the boogieing "One After 909", the latter actually written by Lennon and McCartney as kids in the fifties. Still, for plenty of good bands, the best of these would be career highlights.
Recorded without joy, set aside for months while a better album was assembled, and finally remixed in a way that enraged one of the band's principals, Let It Be finally saw release in May 1970. But by that point, the Beatles break-up had been official for several weeks. There's since been a live album, compilations, digitization, trolls through the archives, and an ocean of ink spilled about this little band that made it very big. And now there are these CD issues, done beautifully. But there never was a proper reunion, and we can assume that there will never be another Beatles.
Ahh fuck, this is the wrong Let it Be, isn't it?
Buzzcocks
4/5
Juveline
The Velvet Underground
5/5
Tits on a stick.
Koffi Olomide
3/5
It sounds like we're in Nandos...apparently.
The Beach Boys
5/5
Wouldn't it be nice?
Brian Wilson’s evolutionary compositional masterpiece, eh? Painstakingly put together in an effort to outdo The Beatles, this album was certainly ahead of the curve in terms of production. Some of the lyrics are a bit shit, but I guess that's what you got at the time. Dennis Wilson should have hung out with Charles Manson a bit more for some darker themes.
Ray Charles
2/5
You don't get this in Nandos.
What a fucking arrogant album title.
I don't think this one was great.
Incredible Bongo Band
3/5
The bongos leave a lasting impression, like fingerprints on an abandoned handrail.
The Strokes
5/5
Ahhh the saviour of music. Back in 2001, when we were swiftly sinking into a bland quicksand of Travis, Coldplay and Osama Bin Laden, in stepped a deliberately scuffed pair of Converse high tops to save the day.
The landmark album of our generation. It's knowingly nonchalant, but somehow through that apathy, true brilliance manifests. With youthful exuberance and effervescent energy the album quakes with more stompers than an elephant stampede through an unsuspecting african village.
It's my favourite album.
Radiohead
5/5
Bungle was my favourite
Black Sabbath
3/5
Fine. Bit annoying after a while. Should have eaten a bat or something.
Brian Eno
2/5
A wonderfully sumptuous, impressionistic dream world.🍭
Supergrass
3/5
Alright
The Shamen
2/5
Really putting the shame into shamen
Elliott Smith
3/5
I've got nothing to say
Ray Charles
2/5
Better than I was expecting based on the title. Well sort of. I'm losing confidence now. Bored. It's gone.
James Taylor
1/5
Sweet baby Jesus, this is wank.
Motörhead
4/5
I actually quite it enjoyed it which is surprising. What I was expecting was a clusterfuck of black t shirts and stonewashed jeans doing rock n roll by numbers, what I got was...well I was that...but the live element made it better, which doesn't usually happen.
The White Stripes
3/5
Some of it is very, very good and some of it is a bit shit.
So, are they brother and sister or husband and wife? Both?
3/5
I've never liked Muse. Too polished for me.
It's okay, but it's rock for an IT consultant with a tribal tattoo under his shirt. Not remotely cool.
The Clash
5/5
Suppose
George Michael
1/5
I listened without prejudice, but still thought it was shit. Sorry George lad.
Johnny Cash
2/5
Oh I'm just not arsed, Johnny. Just well known songs that aren't really improved. I know it was just before he kicked the bucket and Hurt was all very poignant and that, but...yeah whatever. Sue me.
Tim Buckley
2/5
Just a bit shit in the end
Cocteau Twins
4/5
Lovely. Lots of cooing and squawking like a mother bird trying to tell its baby that now isn't the right time to be flying a kite, because it's not windy enough, but the baby bird doesn't believe its mother, then gets frustrated when she's right.
Eagles
1/5
Ergh. I don't know. Shit. Hotel California is massive I guess. Got bored instantly.
If it was a footballer it would be Romelu Lukaku trying to escape Chelsea, but way less interesting.
Shuggie Otis
2/5
SHACK loves lamb chops
Norah Jones
2/5
Hauntingly beautiful...probably.
Jimi Hendrix
3/5
Class banter that lad
The Cardigans
1/5
Ergh.
Ergh, all a bit repetitive.
Ergh, all a bit repetitive.
Lovefool - rejoice!
Ergh, all a bit repetitive.
Fuck me this is terrible. Really annoying.
Primal Scream
4/5
Ricky Spong loves the album. He puts it on when he and Dominic Calvert-Lewin hit Chester's blue light district.
The Go-Go's
2/5
Bread shed
Depeche Mode
3/5
3
The Doors
2/5
Am I supposed to like this?
The Jam
4/5
In the USA they're known as The Jelly.
What's the difference between jam and jelly? Well, I can't jelly my cock up your ass...
CHIC
4/5
Good times
Red Hot Chili Peppers
4/5
I liked it at the time and still like it now. There's some filler of course, but generally pretty good. Incredible video for Californication too.
I think since the success of this, they've tried to make this same album over and over again, without much success. By the Way is good too to be fair.
3/5
AND IT'S LIVE!!!!
The Cure
4/5
If this is the cure, what was the disease?
Blur
5/5
Blur innit.
WOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! ST PAULI! ST PAULI! ST PAULI! ST PAULI!
Spiritualized
3/5
Yeah, whatever
Khaled
1/5
Oh fuck off.
The Temptations
3/5
Hits like Will Smith at the Oscars
The Kinks
4/5
Started strong. I kind of wasn't really listening towards the end though.
Just get yourself a 'best of The Kinks' album instead.
Bruce Springsteen
3/5
Nowhere near as good as Steve Bruce. I guess not being born in the USA has been really detrimental to the listening experience.
I have seen him live though...for one song. I was watching the Gaslight Anthem (remember them?) and Brucey joined them for a song for some reason. It was fairly unremarkable.
Willie Nelson
1/5
I really enjoyed this album. Of course, by enjoyed, I mean tolerated it. By tolerated I mean I'd rather be waxed from head to toe by an angry Glaswegian smack head, then dipped into a bath of lemon juice, all the while Clive Tyldesley screams Gael Clichy's name down my ear and the sound of the England football band limply plays the theme tune from The Great Escape, than ever listen to it again.
Finley Quaye
2/5
I remember the name from the 90s, because it's a bit like mine. Didn't listen to it then and that was a pretty good decision based on how much I wanted to punch myself in the face whilst listening to it today.
Grizzly Bear
4/5
A cool summer breeze
AC/DC
3/5
A right squelchy minge
Carpenters
2/5
Best carpenters since Jesus
Miriam Makeba
1/5
Loud opening shriek. Erm.... what to say...?
WOOHOO ST PAULI, ST PAULI, ST PAULI!
All of the songs are about SHACK eating lamb chops
Justice
3/5
For the 96.
*97
Mj Cole
1/5
My ears just threw up
Drive-By Truckers
2/5
You what mate?
Motörhead
4/5
Lemmy is a nonce
Fela Kuti
2/5
A bit annoying. Not as good as Skrillex.
Ryan Adams
2/5
I loved that song he did for Robin Hood Prince of Thieves. It was number 1 for 16 weeks. And what a 16 weeks they were. This doesn't stand up to that monster.
Megadeth
3/5
MEGADETH!!!!! ☠💀☠💀💀☠💀☠☠💀☠☠💀
This album was more intense than the Liverpool Man City rivalry....and that's saying something.
Maxwell
2/5
Sounds like George Michael having a stroke
The Dave Brubeck Quartet
1/5
How delightfully wicked.
The perfect soundtrack for eating lamb chops.
Iris Law listens to it in the bath.
Stevie Wonder
3/5
Well blind this lad. Doesn't stop him though does it? Maybe he's faking it and he can actually see.
Van Halen
2/5
Awooga
My Bloody Valentine
4/5
Easter lamb chops
X-Ray Spex
2/5
A bit shit fro what i actually bothered with
The Rolling Stones
4/5
Like an overused toilet brush going in for one more dunk and somehow, against all odds clearing out the bowl.
Killing Joke
4/5
A bit of an ordeal
Sufjan Stevens
2/5
Sounds like a wet combination of Vampire Weekend and Badly Drawn Boy. Not sure if that's the best thing in the world if I'm honest.
Neil Young
2/5
As Neil Young removed his music from Spotify, due to Joe Rogan(whoever the fuck that is) there were only 2 songs available to listen to. Im not upset about this.
Bruce Springsteen
2/5
Fine, if you like this kind of thing. I don't massively, but I doubt Bruce Springsteen is too upset about that. He should be though.
Charles Mingus
2/5
Where's Maddie, SHACK?
Eminem
5/5
@SHACK #bingo
The Modern Lovers
3/5
3
Arcade Fire
5/5
Probably my favourite of their albums. They performed it brilliantly live. SHACK'S wet dream....but with fewer kids obviously. ...the big silly nonce.
Sonic Youth
4/5
Wow.
This album has almost as many high points as SHACK has nonced kids today. He has a different meaning for sonic youth.
The Magnetic Fields
3/5
69 songs? Nah, 3 is enough
The Stone Roses
5/5
Lemon
Kendrick Lamar
2/5
Fuck off you cunts
Death In Vegas
4/5
Like a donkey punch to the back of the neck
Alice Cooper
2/5
Fetch me some Jack Daniels and some ass-less leather chaps, we're rock and rolling all night.
The Band
2/5
They should change names to The Banned, so nobody ever has to hear of them again. Right? Right?
Or The Bland, because of how dull it is, yeah?
Nah...but, honestly, it wasn't very good really. 😕
Siouxsie And The Banshees
3/5
Nothing to piss your pants about, but fine.
The Smiths
3/5
SHACK strangling Scott in album form.
The Byrds
2/5
Bukkake for the soul
Paul Weller
3/5
Yeah, it's alright. Not exactly mind blowing or wild
Beatles
3/5
Not exactly 'The Best of The Beatles' is it?
System Of A Down
4/5
This was System Of A Down’s explosive introduction to the world at large: crunching riffs, sinuous shapes, kombucha mushroom people and all.
Play 'Sugar' as the first dance song at your wedding.
David Crosby
2/5
Forgettable
Prince
2/5
Prince has always been a complete bildspot for me. I know barely any of his songs, despite him being this pint-size, purple, megastar. So, being forced to listen to this album, what have I discovered?
Well...it's just a load of generic, cheesy 80s nonsense and has filled my heart with nothing. I'm sure at the time it was this exciting, innovative, sexy behemoth, but I couldn't give a fuck about it.
And all of the songs are too long. Hit the editing suite, Prince, you little purple nonce.
Deerhunter
3/5
I'm not convinced that anyone in the world considers this to be their all time favourite album, but it's alright I suppose.
I feel like there was a lot of this kind of music 10/12 years ago and it doesn't particularly stick out like a sore thumb, or like SHACK in Tokyo. (He's there for the school girls).
Fatboy Slim
4/5
Who'd have thought we all be sat here in 2022 listening to Fatboy Slim and actually enjoying it? We have come a long way, but also we've barely moved at all, baby.
I did enjoy him at Glastonbury 2019 too, but there may have been other reasons for that.
Get me to Ayia Napa.
The Kinks
3/5
Better than most of Eurovision and Scott Kelly's cat.
Ute Lemper
1/5
Fuck
Adele
3/5
The contrast between her speaking voice and her singing voice is insane.
Fun fact: Four of the songs on this album are about ham.
The Dictators
3/5
Who the fuck is this? Some sort of Ramones knock off.
Creedence Clearwater Revival
4/5
I bet this is full of that 70s singing that Bort hates.
Actually, it wasn't and was pretty good. Weird.
Elvis Costello
3/5
Reminds me of Cliff Richard's dick. Soft.
The Chemical Brothers
4/5
Suck my vulva
Neil Young & Crazy Horse
2/5
Can't listen to it as Neil Young took his music off Spotify. Don't care.
Simon & Garfunkel
3/5
Alvin, Simon, GARFUNKEL! Do, do, do, do, do, do
Bob Marley & The Wailers
2/5
Zzz
Leonard Cohen
3/5
Fun fact: Leonard Cohen ate 6 packs of sliced ham during every recording session.
Janis Joplin
3/5
Like an American high school massacre
Mike Ladd
3/5
Ladds ladds ladds
Prince
2/5
Purple nonce.
It's better than the other Prince one we've heard, but I'm still not arsed about this violet violator.
Nanci Griffith
1/5
Would you @SHACK?
Sigur Rós
3/5
😫
Aretha Franklin
3/5
Probably not an intergalactic paedo
Afrika Bambaataa
3/5
Great outer space noncing. Textbook.
Billy Joel
2/5
"ACK, ACK, ACK, ACK, ACK".
Living Colour
3/5
Not as good as ham.
Rod Stewart
2/5
Slit eyed lady, eh Roddders? Bold.
There's a lot of shit on here. Maggie Mae is good though, eh?
The White Stripes
3/5
Duh duh duh duh duh duh duh...
19 years on and that hook still lives and breathes in popular culture.
I never really cared for The White Stripes. Maybe it was the ambiguous incest/marriage thing, maybe it was because the blues doesn't do it for me...in the same way incest does. I'm into incest.
Duh duh duh duh duh duh duh forever
Yeah Yeah Yeahs
4/5
Yeah yeah yeah?
Beatles
5/5
I could write a massive 8 paragraph review of each song if you like, but i think people have heard this album before and there's loads of reviews out there, so why waste everyone's time?
The Police
2/5
A lone man in a hotel going down a slide with nobody to wave him off and nobody to greet him at the bottom.
John Martyn
2/5
The best thing about this was learning that...
Temperature would not be a factor in creating solid air, although I suppose if you chilled air to absolute zero, or minus 459.67 degrees Fahrenheit, it might solidify. If the sun were made of air instead of hydrogen and helium—and if you compressed all that air into the size of an office building—you would have solid air. This would be no mean feat, because the sun is bigger than a million Earths. Most atoms are 99.9999999999996% empty space. If you took out all the space that exists in atoms the entire human race could fit into the volume of a sugar cube. There’s a major problem with compressing atoms. They constrain enough energy to flatten a major city. This is how the sun has blazed so brightly for billions of years without ever decreasing in size. The compression of hydrogen atoms in its core—in synergistic coordination with heat expansion—produces nuclear fusion. This process unleashes energy in the forms of heat, light, photosynthesis, vitamin D etc. The compression would need to be so powerful it overwhelmed the atom’s energy. Something of like a black hole where not even light can escape, and everything is crushed. The solid air you’d get would be denser than a neutron star. And it would probably look opaque, although it remains to be seen how light would refract off mashed together subatomic particles.
The Jesus And Mary Chain
5/5
Distorted dreampop done dirty
Johnny Cash
3/5
Was definitely on the nonce wing
Prefab Sprout
2/5
No hotdog jumping frog, so...erm, no.
Little Simz
3/5
Seems a little premature to have this as one of the 1001 greatest albums ever. Big simz is better
4/5
Ahh Pajamas Harvey you've done it again 🍾
Deee-Lite
1/5
Deee lete
Kid Rock
1/5
Wow. I feel like I've just licked a toad and fallen into another dimension. It's a fascinating clusterfuck. A total shitstorm of juvenile lyrics and lazy riffs. It reeks of somebody who's heard about a bunch of things that were cool in high-school, but never actually did them and now, approaching 30, is sat around with a blunt, telling 15 year olds how to be a rockstar just like him. A try-hard fuckwit. Banged Pamela Anderson though, eh?
Sex Pistols
5/5
Ooooh you're hard
Violent Femmes
4/5
Not remotely violent
Amy Winehouse
3/5
\"Fraaaaannnnkkk!\" Pat Butcher, 1998.
OutKast
2/5
Oh yeah, this separate double album thing they did. I'm not listening to 2 hours' worth. Andre 3000s was better.
Pink Floyd
3/5
It's much better than the other one. I was sat in the sun reading, so my good mood may have affected this.
Nick Drake
2/5
It's a little bit dull and lifeless. Doesn't exactly evoke any emotions in me. The odd track is fine on the soundtrack to a film, but a full album plodding along like thing is a bit uninteresting.
The Byrds
3/5
It's like the dead handshake of a used car salesman. He's at your BBQ because he's your wife's friend's husband. The small talk is forced and he doesn't even like football, but it's pleasant enough.
Throbbing Gristle
1/5
All I can say is - literally oh my days blud.
Johnny Cash
2/5
BBC One- 8pm - Cash in the Attic. Johnny Cash hides in the attic of an unsuspecting celebrity, spying on their every move. This week Johnny observes Pat Sharp have an argument with a plumber and then maturbating furiously to a old polaroid photo of the Fun House twins.
The Black Keys
3/5
This is an an album by The Black Keys. The rating for the album is 3 stars.
Pet Shop Boys
2/5
Poor effort from the Pet Shop Men.
Pixies
4/5
Mmmm those are some tasty, tasty lamb chops
The Youngbloods
1/5
I'm 50 seconds into the first song and i fucking hate it. I'm not going to continue.
Fun fact - The Youngbloods once broke the 100m World record
Animal Collective
2/5
🐵🦍🐶🦄🐯🦓🐷🐃🦙🐏🐀🐿🦔🐰🐓🦘🐧🐸🐊🦚🐙🦋🐍
Peter Tosh
2/5
Well tosh me off. ✊💦
Stan Getz
2/5
Remember Christopher Samba?
R.E.M.
3/5
Like crying at a funfair.
Fun fact: Michael Stipe uses elephant dung to exfoliate his skin.
Elvis Costello & The Attractions
3/5
Ain't nothing but a hound dog
Stevie Wonder
2/5
Not actually blind.
I didn't really enjoy this at all. Does that make me a bad person? It was pretty shit.
Baaba Maal
1/5
Did you know?
Djam Leelii was named after an ancient ham merchant. Ham became known as Djam after during the Great Ham Wars of 1033, during which many great ham warriors were killed and eaten by pigs.
Megadeth
3/5
Whoa!!!!! It's MEGADEATH! Holy shit!
Timeless metal nonces making a right old racket.
Elis Regina
2/5
Roxy Music
3/5
A bewildered man shouting at a cloud
Dinosaur Jr.
4/5
Dinosaur Sr did it better
Tracy Chapman
3/5
Grumpy jumper
Cheap Trick
3/5
Alright. Not the best thing in the world, but better than being a raging nonce like SHACK
Sinead O'Connor
3/5
Nothing compares 2 it
Lucinda Williams
1/5
No thanks
Grant Lee Buffalo
3/5
Fuzzy duck, does he fuck
Pixies
5/5
Instantly makes me think of SHARK ruthlessly pulverising a group of small children in a paddling pool. He's having a good time and so am I listening to this. Go on, SHARK, you big noncy menace.
Aerosmith
2/5
Stop fucking putting Aerosmith on the list.
A blitzkrieg of shit, although better than the almost comical later stuff.
🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈
Quicksilver Messenger Service
2/5
Background music from Woodstock
David Bowie
3/5
Leroy Sane is better.
Stereolab
2/5
Like a caterpillar turning into a butterfly, but then quickly back into a caterpillar and dying.
Beatles
5/5
Put some bloody shoes on, Paul! You damn hippy.
Eagles
1/5
These guys need to watch out. A wayward Darwin Nunez shot could kill them at any point.
Bon Jovi
1/5
I know some very uncool people live for this shit, but I'm better than them and better than this.
Merle Haggard
1/5
Oh, it's country. Fuck off then
Ice Cube
2/5
Too big to fail
Deep Purple
2/5
Let me see, am I going to listen to over 2 hours of Deep Purple Live?
Ergh, I listened to a bit. It's entirely what you'd expect it to be.
Alice In Chains
2/5
Not nearly dirty enough for me
The Jesus And Mary Chain
4/5
Needs to be included in the next season of Stranger Things, so Gen Z can all wet the bed about it and discuss the pronouns used by Jesus and Mary. They/them
Judas Priest
3/5
Probably at least one pervert amongst them. Check the hard drives.
Booker T. & The MG's
3/5
Onions
Duran Duran
3/5
Reminds me of Los Sapos 2022. Up the toads
Rush
2/5
Fun fact:
The band was named after professional moustache and occasional goal scorer Ian Rush.
Willie Colón & Rubén Blades
2/5
Album cover SHARK would be all over, the big nonce.
It was just a bit annoying to be honest. Did not make me cum.
Jungle Brothers
2/5
Wasn't paying that much attention, but that's on them, not me.
Faust
3/5
I quite enjoyed this, but some of the songs were too long. Ergh, who cares? We're all going to die soon anyway.
Jizz Hornkamp better join Nottingham Forest.
Fairport Convention
1/5
Shite
The Temptations
3/5
Jesus is irrelevant
Elvis Presley
2/5
All very lovely and that, but I don't think I'd lose my mind and faint at his gigs.
It didn't make any sparks fly out of my willy.
Dr. John
3/5
Dr Bloody Congo!
A deafening, painful, shameful roar.
Hole
4/5
It's neither as good as Scott says, or, as bad as Bort says.
She did bang Alan Partridge in her hole though, so that's worth an extra mark.
Coldplay
2/5
Not really a rush of blood to the head, more a slow, weak, limp battle against an incurable illness.
Venom
3/5
Black Metal Matters
Bruce Springsteen
3/5
Preposterous voice. The dude is obsessed with Streets, isn't he?
Sounds like a spiked nipple piercing a tank top as a cool breeze rolls in on a summer evening.
The Allman Brothers Band
1/5
Live generic blues, is it? CBA
Robbie Williams
2/5
Pffft okay.
Barry Adamson
4/5
Started strong, but lost me in the middle. Good nonsense overall.
Fela Kuti
2/5
Live! Better to be live than dead I suppose.
Iron Butterfly
2/5
🐙😰🔥❤️😬😪🦈💔🧊🐧🐊🐓🦋🐷🐿🦙🐀✊️🏆🎀🏆🏀🥇🥇⚾️🥉🎫🎍🎐
Willie Nelson
1/5
Shite
Marvin Gaye
3/5
Q. What does SHARK eat for breakfast?
A. Children
Fats Domino
3/5
"Crab mentality" also known as crab theory, crabs in a bucket, is a way of thinking best described by the phrase "if I can't have it, neither can you".
Arcade Fire
5/5
BEST. FUNERAL. EVER!!!
Moby
4/5
Go on, Moby lad.
Guns N' Roses
3/5
Ergh...so like am I supposed to listen to this seriously? It does have 3 absolute monsters on there. Whether that's good or bad, I don't know.
Pearl Jam
2/5
I just don't care guys.
Heaven 17
2/5
Hopeless bunch of preening synth-poppers create a swirling vortex of ennui.
Korn
2/5
Porn
Jeff Buckley
3/5
Cry baby
The La's
3/5
If this was released in 2000, it wouldn't be on the list. They got there first though. There she goes
Slint
3/5
I thought it was going to be better than what it turned out to be
Peter Gabriel
3/5
Bit of a scattergun of ideas. Not terrible, but not much better than mediocre.
Fun fact: Peter Gabriel is 103 years old and keeps his youthful look by bathing in bull semen 12 times a week.
Underworld
3/5
16 minute songs - behave.
ABBA
3/5
Bangers
k.d. lang
1/5
Utterly shit lesbo non-music. Made me sick. Did not listen.
The Zombies
4/5
It's the musical equivalent of SHACK in trousers.
Jah Wobble's Invaders Of The Heart
4/5
SHACK getting attacked by 3 wasps for 2 hours in album form
The The
3/5
Probably fine
The National
2/5
There was a lot of hype about this. It's kind of okay, but it doesn't exactly get you so excited that you have to publicly shit in a bin, does it?
Gang Of Four
4/5
The musical equivalent of someone scared of wasps doing that half run/walk, flapping and turning their back up as they cower in public, nonsense. It looks so silly and brings me great joy.
Gary Numan
3/5
Gary Numan vs Gary Oldman is a battle that has captured the imagination of the world for decades. Finally a winner has been declared.
Youssou N'Dour
2/5
The Queen's dead, mate
The Mars Volta
4/5
Even Scott Davidson likes this
Rahul Dev Burman
2/5
The over-emotional shrieking grief of twats
1/5
A dribble of piss down your fat girlfriend's chin.
Bruce Springsteen
3/5
You were born. We get it, Bruce. Jeez. Everyone was born, stop banging on about it. Wanker.
The Louvin Brothers
1/5
...erm...fuck off.
The Electric Prunes
3/5
Like waiting for a boner to go down
1/5
I really enjoyed this! Of course, by enjoyed, I mean I tolerated it. By tolerated it, I mean I'd rather have all of my skin chipped off with a cheese grater, whilst my dad mixes lemon juice with his own urine and pours it onto my raw, skinless body. All the while piranhas bite away at my feet, the piercing shrill of a whistle is blown in my face relentlessly and a montage of my worst ever erection moments is broadcast on giant TV screens to every major city in the world, than ever listen to this ever again.
Radiohead
4/5
Angry, bitter and mesmerising. A clandestine club which you're not invited to.
Linkin Park
3/5
The distant future, the year 2000. The thinking man's Limp Bizkit.
Arrested Development
2/5
Michael Cera swinging a mop around like a lightsaber
The Offspring
3/5
Pretty fly
Tortoise
3/5
Tortoise innit 🐢
Fun Lovin' Criminals
4/5
What fun
5/5
A moonage daydream.
The fractured, paranoid lyrics are evocative of a decadent, decaying future, and the music echoes an apocalyptic, nuclear dread. A dread that we're oh so keen to be suffocated by.
Beastie Boys
1/5
Yeah, I know yall are gonna have lazy lobs on for this, but I don't care.
Dion
2/5
This would be a lot better if it was Dion Dublin playing his dube.
Tim Buckley
2/5
Not arsed, Tim. Try harder. Nonce.
Stevie Wonder
3/5
Blind nonce.
Bonnie "Prince" Billy
1/5
Fucking dreary piece of shit
The War On Drugs
3/5
I need to take more drugs
Gang Starr
3/5
Class rapping
The Clash
5/5
A choppy, snarling snapshot of the frustrations of working class kids. Nervy, vital energy and charging, relentless rhythms.
Country Joe & The Fish
2/5
Fuzzy psych blues. Been done a million times since.
If it was a footballer, it'd be Kieron Dyer - decent enough, but nobody really remembers.
George Jones
1/5
One word review:
SHIIIIIIIIIT
The Pogues
3/5
Ahhh rum sodomy, my favourite past time.
Wu-Tang Clan
4/5
^ look at Scott's proper review up there. I'm just going to call them a rag tag bunch of nonces and give it 4 stars.
What a rag tag bunch of nonces. 4 stars.
Pere Ubu
4/5
Much better than dub step.
Raekwon
2/5
Where's @BORT?
Elvis Costello
2/5
Died on a toilet
Billy Bragg
3/5
Booo
Stereo MC's
3/5
🎳
Grateful Dead
2/5
Heard it was shit
The Mamas & The Papas
3/5
Mummy
Manic Street Preachers
5/5
Tempting to give it a 1 star review just to piss Scott off.
UB40
2/5
Tits
Prince
2/5
Look, I just don't get Prince. Leave me alone.
Morrissey
3/5
He's still a horrible xenophobe. Viva Hate, eh Steven?
Nitin Sawhney
2/5
If Indian Chill is your idea of a good time, then you need to have a long hard look in the mirror and punch it in the face.
Elvis Presley
3/5
I heard a girl did step on his blue suede shoes and Elvis lost his mind and beat her to death. The guilt caught up with him, he ate himself to death and died on the toilet having a wank into a massive sandwich.
Dusty Springfield
5/5
Fucking incredible
Tom Waits
3/5
Still waiting
Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds
4/5
Good seeds
Billie Holiday
2/5
Good voice and that, but it's just a bit grating by the end.
Lynyrd Skynyrd
2/5
Generic 70's guitar riffs, etc...
BUT WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN?
Talvin Singh
2/5
OK
Fleetwood Mac
2/5
The 'live, laugh, love' of music.
John Prine
1/5
A fucking hay bail. This is going to be country shit, isn't it? Ergh. No thanks.
Christine and the Queens
2/5
Looks like Johnny Depp on the cover photo. No further notes.
Deep Purple
2/5
🤘
ZZ Top
2/5
Pfffft. I don't know man.
Emmylou Harris
2/5
Bad/okay
Devendra Banhart
3/5
👾
Little Richard
3/5
Small Richard
Elliott Smith
4/5
😔 Cheer up, mate. It might never happen. Oh!...😬
Dr. Octagon
4/5
Strong
The Who
3/5
Who was next? Was it @SHACK?
Tina Turner
2/5
Simply the worst
The Cramps
4/5
Gave me period pains
Queen
2/5
Queen's dead mate
Blondie
4/5
I enjoyed it Debbie
Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds
3/5
Goddddd. Would you stop banging on about your dead son? Jeez
Massive Attack
4/5
Large scuffle
The Sonics
5/5
Much better than Nick Cave banging on about his dead son.
Gorillaz
4/5
Better than I remember
T. Rex
3/5
I can't remember. Was probably okay .
Sabu
2/5
Wah wah wah
MC Solaar
4/5
Surprising
Simply Red
5/5
There's 2 or 3 pretty good songs dotted amongst a load of absolute drivel. I preferred The Frantic Elevators, but who doesn't? Mick Hucknall though innit, so he deserves 10 stars, never mind 5.
Jeff Beck
1/5
The opening few notes were good, then he started singing and I threw myself off a cliff
Silver Jews
2/5
Like flying into the twin towers
Neil Young & Crazy Horse
2/5
I'd rather listen to The Princes of Bolton, AKA Kay, Kay, Nolan, McGuinness and Ainsworth belt out some Boyzone in a pub.
Michael Jackson
4/5
Bad. Nonce. Dead. These are just 3 words that describe this monster. What the fuck was he hahaha? Strangest creature to have ever existed
The Kinks
4/5
Wow, this was something else!
Billy Bragg
2/5
If this was a team competing at the controversial 2022 FIFA World Cup in Qatar, it'd be Cameroon.
Big Brother & The Holding Company
2/5
The vocals were grating, like Robert Plant scraping a dying budgie down a blackboard.
Dire Straits
2/5
If this was a team in the controversial FIFA 2022 World Cup in Qatar, it'd be Costa Rica.
Skunk Anansie
2/5
This has 5 stars from Scott Kelly written all over it.
It was a lot more nu metal than I had an appetite for.
Led Zeppelin
3/5
The best Led Zeppelin album. I can't really do Robert Plant, but this one is alright. Not sure what the "baby" count is on this one, but he's still an enormous nonce. Loves babies.
Baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, Baby, baby, baby, baby, Baby, baby, baby, baby, Baby, baby, baby, baby, Baby, baby, baby, baby,.
Nonce.
Flamin' Groovies
4/5
Fun fact: High Flyin' Baby is Robert Plant's favourite track from this album. He bangs babies.
He also LOVES Have you seen my Baby? The man loves touching babies.
The Who
3/5
If this was a team in the controversial 2022 FIFA World Cup in Qatar, it'd be Belgium.
Nine Inch Nails
5/5
Nine inch dildos
Barry Adamson
4/5
If this was a team competing at the controversial FIFA World Cup 2022 in Qatar, it'd be Netherlands. Cody Gakpo is the GOAT.
Sam Cooke
5/5
Good this.
Hahahaha when he just goes "I ain't got leukaemia". 5 stars for that alone.
Burning Spear
2/5
Shit reggae that I don't give a shit about. No references to leukaemia
Badly Drawn Boy
4/5
Well Bort this. No references to leukaemia though, which, as we now know, is essential.
Doesn't need to be over an hour long. I know people who have recovered from leukaemia in that time.
B.B. King
3/5
No references to leukaemia
Van Halen
2/5
Im going to go to the Hard Rock Cafe, order a steak and drink some Jack Daniels like the coolest man in the world.
Sly & The Family Stone
3/5
Can't believe this is Sylvester Stallone.
ADRIAN!!!!
Beck
2/5
Is that Michael Cera?
Q. What does SHACK eat for breakfast?
A. Lamb chops
Small Faces
3/5
Lamb chops for breakfast.
Gil Scott-Heron
3/5
Better than The 1975
Janelle Monáe
2/5
Don't know. 2? Yeah, 2
Beck
3/5
Mikkel Venge Beck (born 12 May 1973) is a Danish former professional football who played as a forward. He scored three goals in 19 games for the Denmark national team, and represented Denmark at the international Euro 1996 and Euro 2000 tournaments.
The Human League
2/5
What Bort said
Queens of the Stone Age
4/5
Yeah, sound.
Captain Beefheart & His Magic Band
2/5
Trout Mask
The Undertones
3/5
Where the fuck is Teenage Kicks?
The Beach Boys
3/5
Bet they can't even surf. Landsharks
Marty Robbins
1/5
Nonce
Solomon Burke
2/5
Lamb chops
Slipknot
1/5
Perfect
ABBA
1/5
Absolute Bloody Big Awfulness
Jean-Michel Jarre
1/5
Not as good as The Specials
Dennis Wilson
3/5
Sounds like the kind of dude that hangs around with Charles Manson and LANDSHARK, getting up to no good.
The Jon Spencer Blues Explosion
3/5
Poor man's East 17
Gene Clark
1/5
Not very christmassy
Jerry Lee Lewis
4/5
Married his 13 year old cousin, so gets marked up for that
Kacey Musgraves
1/5
What the fuck, Santa? Not what I asked for
Pink Floyd
2/5
It strikes me that if Pink Floyd was made up of Ben Doak, Darwin Nunez and Cody Gapko then this album would be the best in the world.
Rod Stewart
2/5
Fucking Rod Stewart
k.d. lang
1/5
A festival of shit
Suzanne Vega
1/5
Like a coked up Sinead O'Connor without the coke or personality
Beatles
4/5
Okay. Not as good as Fat Man Scoop though, is it? Who fucking tonight? Who fucking tonight? Who fucking tonight? Oh, oh
Can
2/5
Wasn't listening
Abdullah Ibrahim
2/5
🫠
The Chemical Brothers
3/5
Beats
Cornershop
3/5
Fatboyslim made them
Brian Wilson
3/5
More of a smirk
Les Rythmes Digitales
2/5
Well this looks like it'll be fucking terrible....
It was a dark and stormy night on the Isle of Man, and I, Hunter S. Thompson, was holed up in my dingy hotel room, trying to escape the howling winds and lashing rain. Just when I thought things couldn't get any worse, I heard a knock on my door.
I stumbled over to answer it, and was confronted by a giant of a man, easily six and a half feet tall, with a wild, unkempt beard and piercing blue eyes. His name, he told me, was Shack, and he had a story to share.
I invited him in, and as he settled onto the threadbare couch, I poured us each a stiff drink. And then, in his deep, gravelly voice, he began to speak.
Shack was from the remote, windswept hills of the Isle of Man, a place known for its rugged beauty and fierce, independent people. He had lived there all his life, surviving on a diet of fish and potatoes and the occasional sheep that strayed too close to his homestead.
But despite his size and strength, Shack was a gentle giant, and he had always yearned for something more. And so, one day, he decided to leave the Isle of Man and see the world.
He set off on his journey, traveling through fields and forests, over mountains and valleys, until he arrived in a bustling city full of bright lights and tall buildings.
At first, Shack was overwhelmed by the sights and sounds of the city, and he spent his days wandering the streets in a daze, marveling at the endless crowds of people and the endless possibilities that seemed to lie before him.
But as the weeks turned into months, Shack began to grow tired of the city's endless distractions, and he longed for the simple, peaceful life he had left behind on the Isle of Man.
And so, with a heavy heart, he packed up his bags and set off for home. As he journeyed back across the hills and valleys, he couldn't help but wonder what the future held for him.
But no matter what the future held, Shack knew one thing for certain: he would always be a giant of a man, with a heart as big as the Isle of Man itself.
Eels
4/5
Eels up inside ya
Findin an entrance where they can
Eels up inside ya
Findin an entrance where they can
Boring through your mind, through your tummy, through your anus, eels!
Eels!
Eels (x14)
Isaac Hayes
3/5
Go on, Chef. Lamb chops for breakfast
Captain Beefheart & His Magic Band
2/5
Captain Beefdick
Röyksopp
3/5
Oh yeah remember when everyone had a right lob on for Eple?
Ramblin' Jack Elliott
1/5
Dogshit on toast
Steve Earle
1/5
What a shit album title
I'm 8 seconds in, it's country. Fuck my life.
Goldfrapp
2/5
Goldfrape
Steely Dan
2/5
Steely Dan sucks off dogs
Steve Winwood
3/5
🚷
Roxy Music
3/5
Yeah, it was some music.
Michael Jackson
4/5
The King of Nonces with some top noncing
Hanoi Rocks
2/5
Anyone giving this 5 stars needs to get off the smack and stop noncing monkeys in Belize
Lloyd Cole And The Commotions
2/5
Wout! Wout!
The Waterboys
3/5
Love water these lads
The Black Crowes
1/5
Bit shit
Nirvana
5/5
Can see these guys moving on from this, going a bit commercial and one of them blowing their brains out.
Destiny's Child
2/5
I've asked so many people to name 5 Beyoncé songs and almost everyone is unable to.
Definitely not as good as Little Man Tate. Either thr film or the band.
Joy Division
5/5
Known pleasures.
Better than Little Man Tate.
Liz Phair
2/5
Probably going to be shit.
Update: was pretty shit.
Elvis Costello & The Attractions
2/5
Lot of Elvis on this list.
Blood and Chocolate sounds like the other one dying on the toilet.
D'Angelo
1/5
How come you taste so shit?
Jane's Addiction
3/5
Megalolz
Tom Waits
2/5
We've had this one before, surely
Pulp
4/5
Different class
Patti Smith
3/5
A thunderclap of mediocrity
Emmylou Harris
2/5
Fuck me, lamb chops for breakfast
Frank Zappa
2/5
Hot rats. Yes, please.
Scott Walker
3/5
Better than Scott 1. Certainly better than Scott Kelly.
Chicago
2/5
Staff pie and chips
Stevie Wonder
3/5
Pretending to be blind. And black.
Nas
3/5
Sort of thing Scott wets his pants about
Kraftwerk
3/5
Are all Kraftwerk albums on the list?
It's fine.
50 Cent
1/5
50 Cent got shot 9 times and survived. Always take that tenth shot, kids.
The Isley Brothers
1/5
3 + 3 = shit
Anthrax
2/5
It's like when they briefly changed the name of Coco Pops to Choco Krispies. Nobody cared for it and it made them taste like betrayal.
A Tribe Called Quest
2/5
Not arsed mate
Bruce Springsteen
2/5
I CBA listening to this. Let's say 2 stars. It's not going to be better than that.
King Crimson
2/5
Scott's going to Belizian jail.
Love
3/5
Episode 6: Scott is deported from Belize and goes to New Jersey to attend a funeral of the grandmother of a girl he's coaxed into sleeping with him.
The Prodigy
4/5
Go on, Bort, you big raving crab.
Episode 7. Scott books flights to Thailand in a desperate attempt to try and find an animal sanctuary that he's still allowed to visit.
Marianne Faithfull
2/5
Episode 8: Scott takes mushrooms, freaks out and forgets he's at a funeral. He throws up all over the elderly woman's decaying corpse. It's a metaphor for this album.
The Rolling Stones
4/5
Episode 15: Scott meets up with Zeb in Thailand. The two of them go out hunting for lady boy fun.
Def Leppard
2/5
Never go full 80s rock
David Bowie
3/5
David Blowie
Beatles
5/5
Like winning the quadruple in album form
The Crusaders
2/5
Street death
The Disposable Heroes Of Hiphoprisy
2/5
Not really, no
The Monkees
2/5
Hey hey
Arcade Fire
4/5
Not the best of theirs, but a million miles better than anything The 1975, 50 Cent, Cilla Black or Scott Kelly have ever done.
The Stranglers
4/5
Scott Kelly's noncing World Cup winners 2023.
Bonnie Raitt
1/5
Raitt shit
Mudhoney
4/5
Just for the name alone
The Rolling Stones
4/5
Well old this lot
The United States Of America
4/5
Much better than the actual United States of America
The Icarus Line
2/5
Probably a big bunch of nonces
Dolly Parton
1/5
Shite
Metallica
3/5
Metal Lords suck dick
Bob Dylan
3/5
What a silly, silly voice
Black Flag
4/5
Scott Kelly's noncing World Cup reaches new heights
2Pac
3/5
Dead as fuck
ZZ Top
3/5
Beardsssssss
Kanye West
2/5
What an unbearable dickhead
Happy Mondays
3/5
Bummed
Dead Kennedys
3/5
Doesn't sound like Slash is guesting on an Ocean Colour Scene song.
The Fall
4/5
The Autumn
The xx
3/5
The hype on this shite in 2009 was unreal.
Tori Amos
1/5
Bad
Louis Prima
2/5
🧦
Cream
2/5
What the fuck, man
The Fall
4/5
I like kicking the golden brown leaves down the path
Alice Cooper
2/5
Q. What does Scott eat for breakfast?
A. Million Dollar Babies
The 13th Floor Elevators
4/5
54 year olds are not children #scottkellysnoncingworldcup
Erykah Badu
2/5
Bad. u
Public Enemy
2/5
I agree with not nigel. Scott is just trying to be openly racist
Pink Floyd
3/5
Wish You Were Lamb Chops
John Martyn
2/5
Arsed
Sonic Youth
5/5
Gud
The Police
1/5
Somebody call the police...to tell then this album is shit.
Ryan Adams
3/5
Always believe in your soooouuuuull.
Caetano Veloso
2/5
Not great.
Portishead
4/5
Fetch the lamb chops
Astrud Gilberto
2/5
Not as good as Christopher Samba
Kate Bush
3/5
Can't believe she covered The Futureheads. Thats so cool
The Flaming Lips
4/5
Suppose
David Ackles
2/5
David 'ACKLES
Tears For Fears
5/5
Such a banger. Dave Forrest, April 2023.
Joni Mitchell
2/5
Not available on Spotify. Not arsed
Lupe Fiasco
2/5
Nonce
The Birthday Party
3/5
Birthday
Taylor Swift
1/5
One of the 1001 greatest albums of all time? Erm.... nah, mate, it's shite.
Mercury Rev
3/5
🫠
Rush
3/5
Ian Fucking Rush
Q-Tip
1/5
Fucking shit
Björk
3/5
What about fisting?
The Rolling Stones
4/5
Get yourself a tampon. Don't just let it drip all over the carpet.
Led Zeppelin
3/5
Robert Plant fancies babies
John Cale
1/5
Noooooooot good.
Traffic
4/5
Traffic accident. No survivors.
The Killers
3/5
First 5 songs are big, then it completely nose dives into oblivion. I think they had about 3 more songs in the rest of the 20 career. I genuinely can't believe they're still considered MASSIVE. Just an 00s indie band, no better than Maximo Park or The View.
George Harrison
3/5
It's the kind of music you find playing over a highlights reel of Scott Kelly's Noncing World Cup 2023.
Björk
3/5
Probably average
Frank Sinatra
2/5
A weak wristed hand job in a loveless marriage.
Adele
2/5
Songs for heartbroken girls
Beyoncé
1/5
Considering she's the biggest recording artist in the world, nobody I've asked has ever been to name 5 Beyonce songs. I've asked a lot of people. I'll try to do it myself now...
Crazy in Love (from like two thousand and fucking three)
Erm...The put a ring on it one
Erm...Halo?
I can only think of Destiny's Child songs now.....
Nope
Donovan
3/5
Better than his later work with Kylie Minogue
Metallica
3/5
Puppet fuckers.
Ladysmith Black Mambazo
4/5
What does Shaka Zulu eat for breakfast?
Lamb chops
Wild Beasts
2/5
Ergh. This late 00s indie phase was not the best. I remember seeing these at Coachella in 2012 and mostly shrugging. I find it quite annoying really.
Kate Bush
2/5
A bit sick of her at this point. Trim that Bush
Metallica
2/5
What a load of wank.
R.E.M.
3/5
Alright
SAULT
3/5
6 stars out of 5 for Scott Kelly, as he continues his quest for a free pass for use of the the N word.
The Last Shadow Puppets
5/5
Inspired by tales from The House of Darkness.
3/5
Fuck
Spacemen 3
3/5
A robotic crab driven by a cat
Dwight Yoakam
3/5
Not as good as Dwight Yorke.
Emerson, Lake & Palmer
1/5
Boring
Ride
4/5
Rode
3/5
Mason Greenwood listens to this in the bath
Orbital
3/5
Where time becomes a loop Where time becomes a loop Where time becomes a loop Where time becomes a loop Where time becomes a loop Where time becomes a loop Where time becomes a loop Where time becomes a loop Where time becomes a loop Where time becomes a loop Where time becomes a loop Where time becomes a loop Where time becomes a loop Where time becomes a loop Where time becomes a loop Where time becomes a loop Where time becomes a loop Where time becomes a loop Where time becomes a loop Where time becomes a loop Where time becomes a loop
Björk
2/5
No
Nick Drake
3/5
Hotline bling and that
Tim Buckley
2/5
Just sad
Moby Grape
2/5
Less interesting than being g-raped by Moby
The Soft Boys
4/5
The reason The Viagra Boys exist.
Well, I did not expect that. Thought it was going to be some 80s soft nonce music, but there you go. Well done.
The Libertines
5/5
Obviously nowhere near as good as Up the Bracket, but I can't knock it.
Common
1/5
Scott Kelly's noncing World Cup participant.
Slayer
1/5
Almost certainly the best album on this list
Magazine
3/5
🪭
Snoop Dogg
3/5
Scott Kelly is definitely using his n word pass on this one
Orbital
3/5
Snorbital
Yeah Yeah Yeahs
4/5
Big drums and raging hormones.
Nightmares On Wax
3/5
It's the grandaddy of chill out albums. They were well ahead of the game on that whole Ibiza chill trend thing. It must have come out at least 3 or 4 years before Moon Safari.
Actually The Orb are the grandaddys of chill out aren’t they? Nightmares On Wax can be the daddys.
Perfect music for noncing round a castle with a ginger child
Scritti Politti
1/5
Sounds like a camp Michael Jackson, without the noncing...probably...maybe not.
Brian Eno
3/5
What does Brian Eno eat for breakfast?
Pork chops.
Slade
3/5
You slay, girl. 🔥🔥🔥🔥
The Byrds
1/5
SHACK is big and fairly racist. He also watches fairy racing. Hates Belgians. Eats lamb chops for breakfast.
Jazmine Sullivan
2/5
Minge music
Neil Young
3/5
Old Neil
White Denim
4/5
White denim? Check their hard drives.
The Blue Nile
3/5
🥶
De La Soul
3/5
3
Beck
4/5
Phenomenal
Shivkumar Sharma
3/5
I'm not arsed, Shivkumar. Sorry mate
Mike Oldfield
2/5
Like choosing between ham and lamb
Woah shack yeti,
Ham lamb man.
Woah shack yeti,
Ham lamb man.
Shack yeti loves lamb,
Lamb and ham.
Shack yetis from the land
of the isle of man.
Miles Davis
3/5
Kind of okay
The Jam
4/5
Marmalade
Throwing Muses
3/5
SHACK runs now
3/5
War. What is it good for? Absolutely okay funk.
Buck Owens
1/5
Nonce
Todd Rundgren
2/5
Shite
Kate Bush
1/5
HEATHCLIFF! IT'S ME, I'M CATHY. I'VE COME HOOOOMMME!
If that's not on this, I'm not interested.
PJ Harvey
4/5
Can't believe West Ham fans were fighting riot police
Astor Piazzolla
2/5
You know when you've been Tango'd
The Mothers Of Invention
3/5
Didn't freak out
Mariah Carey
1/5
Human Caviar
Femi Kuti
3/5
Minge
Iggy Pop
5/5
What a fucking idiot.
Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan
1/5
Devotional Schlongs
The Fall
4/5
Why aren't we burning witches anymore?
Pulp
5/5
Pulp better be The Churnups at Glastonbury. Fuck Dave Grohl banging on about his dead drummer for an hour. Save us Jarvis.
The Pretty Things
3/5
Like pulverising 47 ducks
Jack White
3/5
(Verse 1)
In a world where height is grand,
Two friends stand tall, hand in hand.
They share a home, they share a dream,
Living life together, quite the tall team.
(Chorus)
Tall and Tall, they reach for the sky,
Side by side, they're always high.
Through laughter and troubles, they'll never fall,
Watch the sitcom of "Tall and Tall."
(Verse 2)
Their apartment, a world of fun,
Furniture small, but friendship won.
Bumping heads on every door,
Tall mishaps leave them wanting more.
(Chorus)
Tall and Tall, they reach for the sky,
Side by side, they're always high.
Through laughter and troubles, they'll never fall,
Watch the sitcom of "Tall and Tall."
(Bridge)
With hearts of gold and humor bright,
They conquer life's challenges with all their might.
Together they stand, towering tall,
A friendship that's unbreakable, never to fall.
(Verse 3)
In the comedy of their daily grind,
Tall and Tall, laughter you will find.
From the basketball court to the comedy stage,
Their adventures bring joy, no matter the age.
(Chorus)
Tall and Tall, they reach for the sky,
Side by side, they're always high.
Through laughter and troubles, they'll never fall,
Watch the sitcom of "Tall and Tall."
(Outro)
So join their journey, come along,
With Tall and Tall, you can't go wrong.
A sitcom that's funny, heartwarming and tall,
Their friendship, the greatest gift of all.
Thelonious Monk
3/5
Why have abs when you can have kebabs?
Waylon Jennings
2/5
INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY
Shack and Casizzi are sitting on the couch, engrossed in a video game, their tall frames hunched over the controllers. The door bursts open, and in walks Adam Vinten, a flamboyant and overconfident neighbor.
ADAM VINTEN
(With a dramatic flair)
Well, well, well, if it isn't the dynamic duo of Tall and Tall. Prepare yourselves, gentlemen, for you will rue the day you fucked with Adam Vinten!
Shack and Casizzi pause the game, exchanging bewildered glances.
SHACK
(Chuckles)
Adam, what are you talking about? We haven't done anything to rue.
CASIZZI
Yeah, Adam, what's with the dramatic entrance?
ADAM VINTEN
(Striking a pose)
Oh, my dear friends, it's all part of my irresistible charm! I bring the drama wherever I go, and today is no exception.
Shack and Casizzi exchange another amused look.
SHACK
Alright, Adam, spill the beans. What's got you all fired up?
ADAM VINTEN
(Laughs)
You see, my fellow tall brethren, I have come across a most atrocious crime against fashion in this neighborhood. A fashion faux pas of epic proportions!
CASIZZI
A fashion faux pas? That sounds serious.
SHACK
What are we dealing with here, Adam?
ADAM VINTEN
(Putting a hand to his chest dramatically)
Behold! I saw someone wearing socks with sandals! Can you imagine the horror, the audacity? It's a tragedy I cannot ignore!
Shack and Casizzi burst into laughter.
SHACK
Adam, you never fail to entertain us.
CASIZZI
Yeah, we appreciate your dedication to fashion justice.
ADAM VINTEN
(With a mischievous grin)
Fear not, my tall companions! Adam Vinten, the sartorial superhero, is here to right the wrongs of fashion crimes. No one will escape my fashion police radar!
Shack and Casizzi chuckle, their laughter filling the room.
SHACK
Well, Adam, we're glad to have you fighting the good fight against fashion disasters.
CASIZZI
Just remember, you can always count on us for backup if things get too intense.
ADAM VINTEN
(With a theatrical bow)
Ah, my dear friends, your support means the world to me. Together, we shall conquer the world of fashion, one outrageous outfit at a time!
They all share a hearty laugh as the camera zooms out, capturing the camaraderie and humor that defines the friendship of Tall and Tall with their quirky neighbor, Adam Vinten.
FADE OUT.
Peter Gabriel
3/5
BANE
Bee Gees
3/5
BANE
Hot Chip
3/5
HOND
N.E.R.D
3/5
NERD
Ozomatli
3/5
HOND
Stan Getz
3/5
BANE
Supertramp
2/5
FIGHT MILK
Aerosmith
3/5
It was a bit like a tribal penis inversion
Bill Callahan
1/5
Oh piss off, Bill, you nonce
CHVRCHES
3/5
Do people still go to Chvrch?
Red Snapper
2/5
Did not satisfy
Einstürzende Neubauten
2/5
Where are the tunes though?
The Byrds
3/5
Darwin Nunez's favourite band
The Adverts
2/5
Drowning in the red sea
Jimi Hendrix
4/5
You're supposed to score this highly, aren't you? It's Jimi Bloody Hendrix!!!!
Germs
3/5
Germs
Laura Nyro
2/5
Fucking annoying
Serge Gainsbourg
3/5
Sexy bastard
Nick Drake
4/5
Better than Drake
Guided By Voices
4/5
4 lamb chops
Al Green
4/5
Simon Cowell has run out of Listerine
Jacques Brel
1/5
Nah
The Divine Comedy
3/5
Too long
Calexico
1/5
It's not as good as 'Is this it' by The Strokes, is it?
Ananda Shankar
2/5
Better than Lucas Levia
The Cure
5/5
Dave Forrest
Randy Newman
2/5
Toy Story 17
Sonic Youth
5/5
Perverts love this
5/5
Haha of course it's a 5. It's Limp Bizkit. Fuck it. I mean, it's not a 5, but there we go.
Echo And The Bunnymen
4/5
Put the bunny back in the box
Jimmy Smith
2/5
@SHACK
The Vines
4/5
Ahhh 2002
Alexander 'Skip' Spence
2/5
Skip
The Associates
1/5
Not as good as anything Blue have done
Fiona Apple
1/5
Also not as good as Blue.
RIP Chris Bart-Williams
Ms. Dynamite
3/5
Not as good as Little Miss Dynamite, a 70 year old woman who tweaks around the pubs of the Isle of Man every weekend.
Neil Young
2/5
Whoever decided this list loves Neil Young. I'm not arsed.
Steely Dan
2/5
I have no opinion
Pentangle
2/5
Basket of shit
Holger Czukay
2/5
Not as good as Holger Badstuber
Dexys Midnight Runners
2/5
Like taping a snorkel to your mouth and having music stand over it and shit into your throat.
2/5
Not as good as Busta Rhymes though, is it?
Skepta
2/5
Scott Kelly plays the N word card
The Smiths
4/5
Paedophiles have more in common with crabs than humans. That's scientific fact.
The Smiths are good. Morrissey is bad. Crabs.
Jane Weaver
3/5
Go on Jane, lad.
Anita Baker
2/5
Was probably 2 stars
Duke Ellington
2/5
🫎
The xx
2/5
Not as good as they think they are
The Cult
2/5
Not as good as anything by Dead Aggressive Wank. Especially Bloodfart.
The Residents
4/5
Drippin' in fanny
Frankie Goes To Hollywood
3/5
So gay
Christina Aguilera
1/5
SHACK AKA Andi McCormick LOVES this album. Wanks to it daily. Look him up on Facebook. He once posted a picture of his dick on there.
Giant Sand
1/5
Folk off
About as exciting as a Man City game.
Van Morrison
2/5
Should have stopped
TV On The Radio
4/5
I'm thirsty, babes. Get us some blood.
The White Stripes
2/5
Not quite the heights of White Blood Cells or Elephant, but an okay effort that has a bit of shit filler. Shouldn't be on this list.
Are they husband and wife or married though, the creepy incestuous weirdos.
Christina Aguilera
1/5
@SHACK AKA Andi McCormick LOVES this album.
He once posted a picture of his dick on Facebook. Look him up.
Hüsker Dü
2/5
Bit wet
Blood, Sweat & Tears
1/5
RIP Michael Parkinson. Bet he loved this.
The Beau Brummels
3/5
A gravy hangover
Primal Scream
3/5
Damien Duff
Big Black
3/5
Big black cock
Super Furry Animals
4/5
Someone give Nige a call on 07797098556. Tell him SFA are good.
Rufus Wainwright
2/5
Fun fact: 3 of the songs on this album are about the misuse of the word
"gaylord" in modern society.
KISS
2/5
Fun fact: Two of the members of the popular rock band KISS, are allergic to pork.
Method Man
3/5
Fun fact: Method Man once swam the English Channel naked.
Slipknot
2/5
Angry young men in masks making a racket
Minor Threat
3/5
Fun Fact: Scott Kelly lost his virginity to this album...when he was gang-raped by the band.
Echo And The Bunnymen
4/5
Fun fact: SHACK eats lamb chops for breakfast
The KLF
2/5
Fun fact: Ainsley Harriott listens to this in the bath.
Beastie Boys
2/5
I find the Beastie Boys fucking irritating. Whatcha gonna do about it?
LTJ Bukem
2/5
Basically sounds like if Missy Elliott worked behind the bar at The Rover's Return.
Michael Jackson
3/5
Top Nonce.
Fun fact: I got suspended from school in Year 8 for mooning the audience every time 'Thriller' was sang during a lip syncing performance. Good times.
Bebel Gilberto
2/5
Smells of dog food
Shack
2/5
SHACK
Ali Farka Touré
2/5
I'd pay £25 to see Macauley Culkin have sex with Jonah Lomu
The Beta Band
4/5
Lovely ear candy
Joanna Newsom
1/5
No
Le Tigre
4/5
It's grrrrrrrrrrrrrreat
The Dandy Warhols
3/5
at least its not some more folk nonce or neil fucking young
Janet Jackson
2/5
Brother's a nonce
Syd Barrett
2/5
Q. What does SHACK eat for breakfast?
A. Lamb chops
Marvin Gaye
3/5
So Gaye.
GZA
3/5
🥃
Daft Punk
3/5
Around the world, around the world
Around the world, around the world
Around the world, around the world
Around the world, around the world
Around the world, around the world
Around the world, around the world
Around the world, around the world
Around the world, around the world
Around the world, around the world
Around the world, around the world
Around the world, around the world
Around the world, around the world
Around the world, around the world
Around the world, around the world
Around the world, around the world
Around the world, around the world
Around the world, around the world
Around the world, around the world
Around the world, around the world
Around the world, around the world
Around the world, around the world
Around the world, around the world
Around the world, around the world
Around the world, around the world
Around the world, around the world
Around the world, around the world
Around the world, around the world
Around the world, around the world
Around the world, around the world
Around the world, around the world
Around the world, around the world
Around the world, around the world
Around the world, around the world
Around the world, around the world
Around the world, around the world
Around the world, around the world
Around the world, around the world
Around the world, around the world
Around the world, around the world
Around the world, around the world
Around the world, around the world
Around the world, around the world
Around the world, around the world
Around the world, around the world
Around the world, around the world
Around the world, around the world
Around the world, around the world
Around the world, around the world
Around the world, around the world
Around the world, around the world
Around the world, around the world
Around the world, around the world
Around the world, around the world
Around the world, around the world
Around the world, around the world
Around the world, around the world
Around the world, around the world
Around the world, around the world
Around the world, around the world
Around the world, around the world
Around the world, around the world
Around the world, around the world
Around the world, around the world
Around the world, around the world
Around the world, around the world
Around the world, around the world
Around the world, around the world
Around the world, around the world
Around the world, around the world
Around the world, around the world
Around the world, around the world
Around the world, around the world
Ali Farka Touré
3/5
Yaya, Yaya-Yaya, Yaya-Yaya, Yaya, Yaya Toure
Kolo, Kolo-Kolo, Kolo-Kolo, Kolo, Kolo Toure!
Yaya, Yaya-Yaya, Yaya-Yaya, Yaya, Yaya Toure
Kolo, Kolo-Kolo, Kolo-Kolo, Kolo, Kolo Toure!
Yaya, Yaya-Yaya, Yaya-Yaya, Yaya, Yaya Toure
Kolo, Kolo-Kolo, Kolo-Kolo, Kolo, Kolo Toure!
Yaya, Yaya-Yaya, Yaya-Yaya, Yaya, Yaya Toure
Kolo, Kolo-Kolo, Kolo-Kolo, Kolo, Kolo Toure!
Malcolm McLaren
2/5
👾
Justin Timberlake
1/5
Fun fact: Justin Timberlake is allergic to music.
Love
2/5
A binbag full of piss
The Psychedelic Furs
3/5
Very, very Michael Ricketts.
XTC
1/5
Fun fact: Skylarking is a colloquial term for bumming
Dirty Projectors
1/5
It's very 2009. The indie well had run dry. WTF.
King Crimson
2/5
Poor man's Russell Brand
The Good, The Bad & The Queen
3/5
The good, the bad and the okay.
Sugar
2/5
None of this makes sense
The Hives
4/5
My new favourite band.
Sparks
4/5
Two dudes bonding over having the same size erections.
The Notorious B.I.G.
3/5
Scott Kelly will be getting out his N word pass
Goldie
3/5
Always believe in your soulie
The Sensational Alex Harvey Band
2/5
shite
G. Love & Special Sauce
2/5
McSauce AKA Scott McTominay loves this one. I don't.
Digital Underground
1/5
Shower of shit
Sepultura
2/5
Definitely offside
Britney Spears
3/5
LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE!!! She's absolutely fine...definitely fine.
Soft Machine
2/5
Get a big plate of drugs in you and stick this on. They're playing it at RadioSHACK in La Paz. Half man/half fly Scott Kelly is being sick in there as we speak.
Joni Mitchell
3/5
Boooooo
U2
1/5
Fuck off U2
Leonard Cohen
1/5
#pogback
Richard Hawley
3/5
Aye
Super Furry Animals
4/5
Aye
Big Star
2/5
Fun fact: Robert Plant's favourite from this album is When My Baby's Beside me. He's a big baby noncer.
Gram Parsons
1/5
Fucking cuntry again. Fuck off and die, Gram. If you haven't already. Let me check....
Oh, he is dead...well great. Good.
Wait..he died in 1973 and this was released in 1974. Maybe it wasn't his fault. Maybe he never meant for this dogshit to be released. I take it all back, Gram.
Can
2/5
Can't
Suede
3/5
No trash, no party
The Mothers Of Invention
2/5
Probably not great
Leftfield
2/5
Not arsed
Iron Maiden
2/5
We're on a slow march to death with these recent albums. Begging for it to be over at this point. 19 to go...
Sepultura
2/5
Scotland to win Euro 2024. McTominay top scorer. Get all your money on it.
Tito Puente
1/5
Not as good as Hulkamania. Whatcha gonna do, brother?
Elvis Costello & The Attractions
2/5
They'd never play this at Nonge Park.
Madness
3/5
Absolute scenes
Bob Dylan
3/5
Blob
Brian Eno
3/5
Mo Salah plays shit again but scores 2 goals. Penalty and a tap in. Kids who only look at G/A stats think he's an incredible footballer. He is not.
Rattled.
Public Image Ltd.
3/5
🤌🤌🤌🤌
Peter Gabriel
3/5
So what?
PJ Harvey
4/5
SHACK in Malta
Drive Like Jehu
2/5
Wank Crime
Mylo
2/5
Objective achieved
Sleater-Kinney
3/5
I think I'd enjoy it more live.
Paul Simon
2/5
Nonce
Nitty Gritty Dirt Band
2/5
Nonces
Scott Walker
2/5
Better than Scott Kelly
New York Dolls
3/5
Probably would have got 5 stars from Scott Kelly if he wasn't fiddling monkeys.
3/5
Come on then Nigel, tell us who you are
Radiohead
3/5
Fuck off 1100 albums. I was done at 1001
Rocket From The Crypt
3/5
Full Scott Kelly
Bobby Womack
2/5
Bobby Onesmack
Paul Revere & The Raiders
2/5
1003rd album and I'm running on empty
Fairport Convention
2/5
CBA
Saint Etienne
2/5
CBA
David Bowie
4/5
Young Americans - Scott Kelly's Noncing World Cup 2023
Elvis Presley
2/5
Where was Nick Powell at the back post? Feels like a missed opportunity.
David Gray
2/5
The popularity of this basic singer songwriter album shows how bereft of guitar music 1998-2000 was. Shove it in the oven with Travis and Coldplay and serve us up some lukewarm pie.
The Zutons
4/5
SHACK killed The Zutons.
It was a decent 00s indie album. Wouldn't have put it on here like. Fuck it, it's better than all the country albums- have an extra star
Dinosaur Jr.
3/5
Big
Cee Lo Green
1/5
Shit
Joe Ely
1/5
Probably shit
Neneh Cherry
2/5
Shit like sushi
Doves
4/5
The musical equivalent of Scott Kelly morphing into a human fly.
Alanis Morissette
2/5
Jagged Little Phil Jagielka
The Thrills
4/5
Hahaha summer 2003 nostalgia
Talk Talk
2/5
Not as good as Alien Nosejob
Kings of Leon
1/5
You can fuck right off. This was the beginning of the end for KOL.
The first 2 albums were great. Even the 3rd was very good. This was a wet blanket. Became inexplicably popular because people found the lyrics Sex on Fire so damn wonderful. It was a rip off of Dakota by Stereophonics when you break it down.
Argh, I'm so full of hate for this album, because I used to love KOL and this was so shit. Use Somebody can fuck off and die.
I'm genuinely angry that this is on here.
Scissor Sisters
3/5
Tits on the radio
The Damned
3/5
Sex in a can
Sheryl Crow
2/5
A phenomenal amount of horse wank
Public Image Ltd.
2/5
Shit box
Kings of Leon
4/5
Good
Gotan Project
2/5
Jade Goody
Brian Eno
3/5
Sound
2/5
Premier League, corrupt as fuck
Cocteau Twins
2/5
Fucking VAR, man
Meat Puppets
3/5
Meat innit
The Darkness
3/5
Hahaha yeah I remember this. Didn't last, did it?
Girls Against Boys
2/5
The night was thick with tension as SHICK, a tall and imposing figure with a shadowed past, stood in the midst of the burning forest. The flames danced like malevolent spirits, casting eerie shadows on his face as he faced his bald sidekick, Pocononce. The air crackled with the palpable rivalry that had festered between them, reaching its boiling point.
In a moment of dark impulse, fueled by hatred and regret, SHICK's hands tightened around Pocononce's throat until life slipped away. The forest bore witness to the gruesome act, becoming a silent accomplice to the crime.
Three years later, SHICK had seemingly moved on, reveling in a life detached from his dark past. However, that night, a relentless knock echoed through the corridors of his newfound peace. As he opened the door, the air grew heavy with disbelief – there stood Pocononce, once thought dead, now deformed and bearing the scars of a twisted journey back.
Pocononce, having survived a bad carbonara and ridden a crocodile through treacherous waters, had returned, fueled by a thirst for revenge. His eyes glowed with a malevolent fire as he confronted SHICK, ready to unravel the facade of the new life that had flourished in his absence. The twisted reunion marked the beginning of a sinister chapter, where the sins of the past would demand a reckoning.
Weather Report
2/5
SHICK
Madonna
1/5
Presumably fucking shit
Goldfrapp
3/5
Gold- fap.
Django Django
4/5
Massive noncing coat of an album
Cowboy Junkies
1/5
Fuck off then. Let's just end this list.
Kraftwerk
3/5
Bring back Nigel Spackman
Ministry
1/5
Somebody just buy me a Turboman doll already.
JAY Z
3/5
Type 58008 into a calculator and turn it upside down.
Robert Wyatt
1/5
Shlit
William Orbit
3/5
You could say it orbits around what would be a good album, never quite being in range.
The Specials
4/5
Special Needs
Basement Jaxx
2/5
Josef Fritzl's favourite band
Paul McCartney
2/5
A wonderful christmastime
OutKast
2/5
Scott Kelly's wet dream
Rufus Wainwright
1/5
Fucking boring
David Bowie
4/5
Dead
The Bees
3/5
Did you know?
SHACK eats bees
Blue Cheer
2/5
SHACK eats bees
Minutemen
2/5
SHACK eats bees whilst watching Dennis Taylor play snooker.
DJ Shadow
2/5
He was good at duel on Gladiators
Fatboy Slim
2/5
Fatboy Slim really makes you think. Why would an overgrown man, who loves snooker, eat bees on a regular basis. @SHACK, what are you doing eating bees, mate?
Coldcut
2/5
That's the sound of a tool chest falling down the stairs.
Bad Brains
2/5
Q. What does Shack eat for breakfast?
A. LAMB CHOPS!
The Band
3/5
It's 2025 and we are back!
Fun fact: All of the members of The Band were so infested with head lice that they spent hours ripping eachother's pubes out whilst drinking whisky and chowing down on crisp butties. They later burned the pubes in a ceremonial bonfire whilst recording this album. If you listen carefully you can hear the squealing of the burning lice on tracks 4, 6 and 7.
Ash
3/5
Girls from Mars have too many tits.
Tom Tom Club
3/5
I don't want to break the first rule of Tom Tom Club.
The Streets
4/5
Sound
LL Cool J
1/5
YFGY
Culture Club
1/5
YFGY
The Charlatans
3/5
Yeah... obviously it's much better than Mo Salah.
The Boo Radleys
3/5
The Boo Radleys nuzzle into your ears like a rare spotless leopard being hunted by the original cast of Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.
The sheer cheek of them to try and pass this off as a piece of music is both terrifying and arrogant. The disregard for planet earth is deeply disturbing and frankly disgusting and I wish them nothing but pain.
Terence Trent D'Arby
1/5
Minge music
Baaba Maal
1/5
Shut the fuck up
The Beta Band
3/5
Is anyone representing the zeros more than Alexander Isak at the moment?
For 600 million, he really has been dog shit.
How about his 300 millon teammate Timo? He's at least ran around a bit though.
Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds
3/5
I once ate some bad seeds and had the shits for weeks. Had to go to hospital.
Pantera
2/5
Probably nonces.