Journey Complete!
Finisher #559 to complete the list
1089
Albums Rated
2.51
Average Rating
100%
Complete
Maggot Brain
Funkadelic
Favorite Album
Rating Distribution
Rating Timeline
Taste Profile
1950s
Favorite Decade
Funk
Favorite Genre
other
Top Origin
Critic
Rater Style ?
62
5-Star Albums
215
1-Star Albums
Breakdown
By Genre
By Decade
By Origin
Albums
You Love More Than Most
| Album | You | Global | Diff |
|---|---|---|---|
| Kollaps | 5 | 1.9 | +3.1 |
| Devotional Songs | 5 | 2.58 | +2.42 |
| Yank Crime | 5 | 2.7 | +2.3 |
| Atomizer | 5 | 2.72 | +2.28 |
| Tago Mago | 5 | 2.79 | +2.21 |
| Planet Rock: The Album | 5 | 2.79 | +2.21 |
| The Sounds Of India | 5 | 2.85 | +2.15 |
| Gris Gris | 5 | 2.88 | +2.12 |
| Kala | 5 | 2.91 | +2.09 |
| Kick Out The Jams (Live) | 5 | 2.91 | +2.09 |
You Love Less Than Most
| Album | You | Global | Diff |
|---|---|---|---|
| Wish You Were Here | 1 | 4.3 | -3.3 |
| Led Zeppelin III | 1 | 3.96 | -2.96 |
| Harvest | 1 | 3.83 | -2.83 |
| Brothers In Arms | 1 | 3.74 | -2.74 |
| Moondance | 1 | 3.71 | -2.71 |
| The Cars | 1 | 3.67 | -2.67 |
| The Joshua Tree | 1 | 3.67 | -2.67 |
| Highway to Hell | 1 | 3.66 | -2.66 |
| With The Beatles | 1 | 3.66 | -2.66 |
| Born To Run | 1 | 3.64 | -2.64 |
Artists
Favorites
| Artist | Albums | Average |
|---|---|---|
| Miles Davis | 4 | 4.5 |
| Nirvana | 3 | 4.67 |
| Jimi Hendrix | 3 | 4.67 |
| Stevie Wonder | 4 | 4.25 |
| Bob Marley & The Wailers | 3 | 4.33 |
| Prince | 3 | 4.33 |
| The Stooges | 3 | 4.33 |
Least Favorites
| Artist | Albums | Average |
|---|---|---|
| Bruce Springsteen | 5 | 1.4 |
| Morrissey | 4 | 1.25 |
| The Byrds | 5 | 1.6 |
| Pink Floyd | 4 | 1.5 |
| Elvis Costello & The Attractions | 4 | 1.5 |
| Neil Young | 4 | 1.5 |
| Joni Mitchell | 4 | 1.5 |
| The Smiths | 3 | 1.33 |
| Paul Simon | 3 | 1.33 |
| Beck | 3 | 1.33 |
| Deep Purple | 3 | 1.33 |
| Pavement | 2 | 1 |
| Def Leppard | 2 | 1 |
| Coldplay | 2 | 1 |
| Bee Gees | 2 | 1 |
| The Police | 2 | 1 |
| Taylor Swift | 2 | 1 |
| Elvis Costello | 2 | 1 |
| Rod Stewart | 2 | 1 |
| Everything But The Girl | 2 | 1 |
| The Divine Comedy | 2 | 1 |
| Happy Mondays | 2 | 1 |
| Beatles | 7 | 2 |
| The Rolling Stones | 6 | 2 |
| Frank Sinatra | 3 | 1.67 |
| Van Morrison | 3 | 1.67 |
| Nick Drake | 3 | 1.67 |
| Dexys Midnight Runners | 3 | 1.67 |
| Echo And The Bunnymen | 3 | 1.67 |
| Neil Young & Crazy Horse | 3 | 1.67 |
| Blur | 3 | 1.67 |
| Madonna | 3 | 1.67 |
| Kings of Leon | 3 | 1.67 |
| Roxy Music | 3 | 1.67 |
| Leonard Cohen | 5 | 2 |
| Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds | 5 | 2 |
| AC/DC | 2 | 1.5 |
| Gene Clark | 2 | 1.5 |
| Jane's Addiction | 2 | 1.5 |
| Iron Maiden | 2 | 1.5 |
| Massive Attack | 2 | 1.5 |
| ABBA | 2 | 1.5 |
| Pulp | 2 | 1.5 |
| Supergrass | 2 | 1.5 |
| Eagles | 2 | 1.5 |
| Wilco | 2 | 1.5 |
| Super Furry Animals | 2 | 1.5 |
| LCD Soundsystem | 2 | 1.5 |
| Belle & Sebastian | 2 | 1.5 |
| Dire Straits | 2 | 1.5 |
| Adele | 2 | 1.5 |
| Ryan Adams | 2 | 1.5 |
| Doves | 2 | 1.5 |
| Pere Ubu | 2 | 1.5 |
| Motörhead | 2 | 1.5 |
| John Lennon | 2 | 1.5 |
| Big Star | 2 | 1.5 |
| Oasis | 2 | 1.5 |
| k.d. lang | 2 | 1.5 |
| Slipknot | 2 | 1.5 |
| Björk | 4 | 2 |
| Steely Dan | 4 | 2 |
| Radiohead | 6 | 2.17 |
| Brian Eno | 5 | 2.2 |
| Led Zeppelin | 5 | 2.2 |
| The Cure | 3 | 2 |
| Elvis Presley | 3 | 2 |
| Queen | 3 | 2 |
| Pet Shop Boys | 3 | 2 |
| My Bloody Valentine | 3 | 2 |
| The Kinks | 4 | 2.25 |
| U2 | 4 | 2.25 |
| David Bowie | 9 | 2.44 |
Controversial
| Artist | Ratings |
|---|---|
| Tom Waits | 4, 1, 3, 4, 1 |
| U2 | 1, 4, 1, 3 |
| Arcade Fire | 2, 1, 4 |
| The Velvet Underground | 1, 3, 4 |
| Talking Heads | 1, 4, 3, 2 |
5-Star Albums (62)
View Album Wall
Popular Reviews
The Magnetic Fields
2/5
Are we really doing this? Yes, we're doing this.. let's go!
1. Absolutely Cuckoo - Lighthearted start, kinda jingly-jangly, but not really getting a love song vibe from this. Hopefully this is just like the prologue.
2. I Don't Believe in the Sun - Kinda depressing, quite a shift from the previous track, but much prettier and a more romantic vibe.
3. All My Little Words - Cheesy. I suppose with an assortment of 69 love songs, there's bound to be some cheese. But this is not good cheese, this is processed cheese left out in the sun too long and even ants don't want to touch it.
4. A Chicken With It's Head Cut Off - Adult contemporary with some country vibes. If you like your love songs with a healthy dose of cliches, this is the one.
5. Reno Dakota - OK, the genre shifts continue. We got a new singer, and a fun country/cabaret kinda vibe. Song was too short though.
6. I Don't Want to Get Over You - I guess depressing breakup songs also fall under the umbrella of "love songs". I'm not sure if this guy is just bad at writing poetry or is just trying to be really tongue in cheek but, damn, the song finished before I could finish my thought.. ok, next one, next one...
7. Come Back From San Francisco - I like the female singer's voice better from this group. Wistful, pretty song.
8. The Luckiest Guy on the Lower East Side - Meh, generic and kinda dated this one. Also cringy lyrics.
9. Let's Pretend We're Bunny Rabbits - Was worried this was gonna be some weird furry fetish thing, but this guy just meant "fuck like rabbits". Fair game.
10. The Cactus Where Your Heart Should Be - The sockets where my eyes should be sit empty, as my eyeballs have rolled too far back into my head.
11. I Think I Need a New Heart - Dude, what is with the wailing? Sounds like a poorly built shed trying not to fall apart during a wind storm.
12. The Book of Love - "The book of love is long is boring" Ah, I see we found the inspiration for this album.
13. Fido, Your Leash is Too Long - This song is kinda neat, but ruined by this guy's blaze vocals.
14. How Fucking Romantic - What the fuck was that?
15. The One You Really Love - I swear I heard this one already. Bring back the female singer please.
16. Punk Love - Uhmm... out of nowhere with this one. But my dudes, you can't just make a sloppy, shitty song and slap the word 'punk' on it and call it a day, that's not how this works.
17. Parades Go By - Song went by, barely noticed it was finished.
18. Boa Constrictor - These lyrics though. Damn. A five year olds idea of a love song.
19 A Pretty Girl Is Like - A violent crime is sublime if you do it right? What the fuck is this guy on about? A pretty girl is not like any of the things you said... hold on.. shit, the song's over.
20. My Sentimental Melody - I like the accordion.
21. Nothing Matters When We're Dancing - OK, I can deal with this one. Throw 69 turds at the wall, some are gonna stick.
22. Sweet-Lovin' Man - I finally realized what this album has been missing this whole time, and this song gave it to me! Cowbell! More cowbell! More cowbell!
23. The Things We Did and Didn't Do - Snooze-fest.
1/3 of the way in, gonna have to take a break here and recharge the ol' batteries.
24. I'm back. 28 seconds of roses weren't long enough to form an opinion.
25. Love Is Like Jazz - Thematically this is reminiscent of "A Pretty Girl is Like" and also "Punk Love". In that they somehow manage to completely miss the mark with ridiculous analogies, insult a genre of music they're woefully incompetent at and embarrass themselves with more lazy songwriting.
26. When My Boy Walks Down the Street - OK cool, a token gay love song, it's alright.
27. Time Enough for Rocking When Were Old - A decent Johnny Cash impersonation.
28. Very Funny - Sounds like something taken out of a Disney movie. Fine I suppose.
29. Grand Canyon - Back on the country western wagon. Predictable and bland.
30. No One Will Ever Love You - Very nice guitar tone on here. Vocals pretty good. Sounds like it could work well for a pre-climax portion of a movie.
31. If You Don't Cry - The genre parade continues with some new-wave type electronica. Real jack-of-all-trades master of none vibes from this band. "If you don't cry, you don't feel it deep enough", I hear ya sister!
32. You're My Only Home - If the kid who always slept in class being forced to read from the class novel in 5th grade English class had a sound...
33. Crazy for You But Not That Crazy - BARF
34. My Only Friend - Now THIS is a love song. Why dilute a gem like this, with so much shit?
35. Promises of Eternity - After a very decent song, we get back into the slog. A microcosm of this entire 1001 album project. And yet, we soldier on, in search of the next rose growing out of a pile of manure.
36. World Love - I guess they incorporated a generic "world music" type beat to round out the genre hodgepodge. Lame.
37. Washington, D.C. - Every city has a song that immortalizes it. Don't know if Washington, D.C. has one, but this certainly ain't it.
38. Long-Forgotten Fairytale - I tuned it out. Forgive me. We're 38 songs deep here. I'm trying.
39. Kiss Me Like You Mean It - Sounds like she's singing to Jesus. I'll take a kiss from Jesus. But he better mean it.
40. Papa Was a Rodeo - Faux Johnny Cash is back. I'd rather have the real thing, thank you very much.
41. Epitaph for My Heart - Exactly the kind of lyrics you would expect from someone who thinks a love song album consisting of 69 disjointed, unfinished songs is a good idea.
42. Asleep and Dreaming - Nice, a lullaby. It almost worked too.
43. The Sun Goes Down and the World Goes Dancing - Lazy, lazy electro-pop.
44. The Way You Say Good-Night - This is one for the B-sides compilation guys.
45. Abigail, Belle of Kilronan - Holy smokes, headphone alert!!! The panning on here is really painful to listen to. You've been warned.
46. I Shatter - An attempt at a Kraftwerk type of love song this time? Find something you're good at and stick to that boys.
47. Underwear - Eeeh.. could have been something.. worthwhile, just sounds unfinished and unpolished, like much of this collection.
48. It's a Crime - The electronic bend continues. Maybe these songs should have been arranged by genre. Anyway, I've already put in more effort into this review than these guys did into writing this song.
49. Busby Berkeley Dreams - Not bad. If you do decide to run the gauntlet on this album, this track is one of a few worth your time.
50. I'm Sorry I Love You - Nice guitar riff to start, but it lacks a much needed change up or some sort of variation. All these songs are just so one-dimensional.
51. Acoustic Guitar - Y'all are really running out of ideas huh?
52. The Death of Ferdinand de Saussure - He'll be missed I'm sure. "I don't know anything about love". 52 love songs in, this is the most honest thing you've said.
53. Love in the Shadows - Another one I tuned out.
54. Bitter Tears - Generic country is back on the menu.
55. Wi' Nae Wee Bairn Ye'll Me Beget - When I saw the title, it had me worried, and my instinct was right. After murdering punk, jazz, electronica, krautrock, and country, these maniacs set their sights on more obscure victims, this time being Irish folk. R.I.P. Irish folk.
56. Yeah! Oh, Yeah! - Very, very bad song. Like one of the worst so far. And that's saying something.
57. Experimental Music Love - Yep, this is what phoning it in sounds like.
58. Meaningless - These guys are having as hard a time finishing making this album as I am finishing listening to it. Hang in there guys, we're in the home stretch.
59. Love is Like a Bottle of Gin - Oh, so it's not like jazz anymore? Or is it both? It's like a bottle of gin and jazz? Maybe a lit cigar too? Leonard Cohen called, he wants his corny shtick back.
60. Queen of the Savages - This is just filler to get to 69, isn't it? Y'all must have really been regretting this idea by this point. But you can't stop now. I can't stop now. What's next?
61. Blue You - This is probably the groups best sound. If they stick to just this aesthetic, there'd be a decent album underneath all this.
62. I Can't Touch You Anymore - Another one-note song. Would it kill y'all to write some melodic variations once in a while?
63. Two Kinds of People - A mercifully brief psalm.
64. How to Say Goodbye - I wonder if they play all 69 songs live at their concerts. I wonder if the singer's monotonous voice is his way of conserving his stamina to go 69 songs deep. Ahh fuck it, who cares? Not the singer of this song, that's for sure.
65. The Night You Can't Remember - OK, kind of a clever concept for a song. Or a pub shanty. Whatever, the song works, the singer sucks. Let's move on.
66. For We Are the King of the Boudoir - It's the royal we, you see.
67. Strange Eyes - I wonder how many people made it this far.
68. Xylophone Track - No self-respecting collection of love songs should be without at least one track, highlighting the most romantic instruments of them all. Although I'm not sure I can even hear the xylophone on here. The mental image of the singer playing his rib-cage like a xylophone partially makes up for it.
69. Zebra - Here it is, the final song. The finish line. Should I have been expecting this to be some redeeming finale, a reward for having endured this herculean endeavor? No, we end the same way the album has been going all along, with a solid, emphatic, "meh"!
These guys clearly decided to try and achieve fame by way of quantity over quality. Is there a good collection of love songs in here? Yes, there is. Are there 69 songs worth? Most certainly not. Would an album of say 13 of the best of these songs earn these guys any notoriety? Most likely not. As for me, I'll chalk this up to a worthy but misguided attempt, and award myself two ice cubes, not to cool down my loins, but my wrists, much needed after typing up this summary and hopefully avoiding carpo-tunnel in the process.
🧊🧊
58 likes
Sigur Rós
2/5
The most demanding album I've come across so far on this generator.
1. It demands to be listened to with headphones.
2. It demands to have your undivided attention, while doing very little to grab it and hold on to it.
3. It demands you stay awake throughout the album, which too is no easy feat.
4. It demands you look up the English translations and make an attempt to decipher it's cryptic lyrics to follow the themes and stories.
5. It demands that you be in a certain type of melancholic, vegetative mood, but again, do not drift off to sleep!
I'm sure for the listeners able to meet the above 5 demands, it would be a very rewarding listen. Unfortunately for me, I could only really meet 2/5 on any given day.
33 likes
Koffi Olomide
3/5
People giving this a 1 while criticizing the artist's past transgressions, at the same time handing out 5s to albums with Lennon, Paige, Bowie or James Brown, I see you....
If we manage to separate the art from the artist, we get a lively, upbeat, infectious, dance-able record that serves as the de facto representative of soukous music on the list. I don't know enough about the genre to judge weather it serves as a fair representation, but I do know that Congolese music as a whole is very much worth in depth exploration.
32 likes
LCD Soundsystem
2/5
Listening to this album feels like being poked gently with a dull object for 55 minutes and 55 seconds. At first it's just kinda irritating. Then as you get used to it, it's not so bad, you start to tune it out. Then there are actually moments where the poking feels invigorating, almost like a massage, but not quite as pleasant. And you almost feel sad and empty when the poking finally stops, like an integral part of you just disappeared. And then it hits you - you were sitting there letting someone poke you for almost an hour, when doing just about anything else would have been more enjoyable.
2 gentle pokes out of 5
👉👉
28 likes
4-Star Albums (154)
1-Star Albums (215)
All Ratings
Lou Reed
2/5
My first Lou Reed album. Really enjoyed the guitars and piano, vocals a bit bland, and overly ordinary, though with interesting and poetic lyrics. Production reminiscent of Stooges meet Bowie, but lacking the edge. Really feel like I'm missing some edge here. Vicious and Satellite of Love are possibly the best tracks. Would be rated higher, but gets significantly weaker towards the back-end.
Beatles
2/5
Not a Beatles fan, but if forced to choose, would say I prefer their later work. This one however is way too long and with too much filler and an abundance of the usual Beatle corny-ness. Stylistically inconsistent, soulless attempts at blues, rockabilly, surf rock are particularly jarring. Second disk better than first, overall a work with potential if only was more focused and trimmed of the fat. Best tracks; While My Guitar Gently Weeps, Helter Skelter.
Queens of the Stone Age
4/5
These queens don't miss, I tell ya hwat boy!
Brian Wilson
2/5
Whimsical, self-assured, undeniably ambitious, features elaborate harmony and melodies. Unfortunately too often grating and irritating. Feels like it's trying to bite early Zappa, but comes up woefully short.
A VERY generous 2/5, only for the ambition and the relatively unique sound.
Best tracks; Mrs. O'Leary's Cow and I want to say Good Vibrations, but the original Beach Boys version is better.
Foo Fighters
3/5
Solid debut album, catchy, enjoyable post-grunge songs, nothing revolutionary or ground-breaking, but impressive how Dave Grohl played every instrument on this, probably the peak of his post-Nirvana career. Best songs; Big Me, Alone, Weenie Beenie.
Aerosmith
3/5
If you were to make a movie set in the 70's about a mid-western stripper and her dysfunctional guitar playing, whiskey drinking boyfriend looking to strike it big as a pro darts player, while being on the run from her trucker stepfather, and also dodging the law along the way, breaking up, getting back together, finally riding off into the sunset together, this might be the soundtrack for you.
John Coltrane
5/5
AC/DC
2/5
AC/DC isn't really an album band for me, as every song sounds essentially the same, power chords, basic lyrics screeched loudly, intense guitar solo, back to the chorus with some back up harmony this time. It's fun and it's energetic, but I could easily play "You Shook Me.." 10 times on repeat, and get more or less the same experience.
The Byrds
1/5
An OK psych folk album, but there is just no reason to have 5 (!) The Byrds albums on this lyst, considering the criminal number of omissions.
The Everly Brothers
2/5
For when the ol' man lets you borrow the Cadillac to take your sweetheart out to the malt shop for a cherry cola, then the local dance (as the cover states, this is suitable for listening AND dancing) and maybe she'll let you get to second base, cause girls were made to love after all.
James Taylor
1/5
James Taylor is that guy who brings his guitar to a camp fire, and starts playing just when you're in a middle of a really lively conversation. And of course everyone has to stop talking and listen politely, cause he's pretty good after all, better than any one of us that's for sure, but what we really want to do is drink and talk shit, not feel all sad and nostalgic over cliches like empty country roads and lush green pastures and sunny skies.
The Killers
3/5
Fake British accent aside, a fun collection of catchy pop-rock singles. All These Things that I've Done is the standout.
Saint Etienne
2/5
Starts off really meandering, then picks up for a moment, only to plunge back in to some sort of wistful, breezy cacophony of stupor. And just when I'm ready to write it off completely, seems to pick back up again with a catchy sample or neat melody, only to then throw me back into it's lazy, hazy swamp of synthesizer goop.
Teenage Fanclub
1/5
They sound like a local garage rock band that you might find entertaining 30 some odd college stoners in a run down bar on a Tuesday night. Which is an awesome and important role to have, but doesn't mean this poorly produced and entirely forgettable album belongs anywhere near a list like this.
TLC
2/5
Some solid singles interspersed with mediocre filler material and extremely cringy interludes. Red Light Special is the stand-out. Andre 3000 feature on the last song an unexpected surprise.
Orange Juice
1/5
They call themselves Orange Juice, but this aged like milk.
R.E.M.
3/5
Excellent production all around.
Drive, Man on the Moon - 5/5
The Sidewinder, Ignoreland, Nightswimming - 0/5
The rest 3/5
Depeche Mode
4/5
My first discovery that I've really liked on the generator. Incredibly well-composed synth-pop with passionate vocals and intriguing lyrics, and catchy as hell.
Frank Sinatra
1/5
Ai meu deus, this is not good. This may have been the first fusion album, but it does not work nor hold up well. Sinatra and Jobim sound like they were recorded in different studios. The most basic of bossa nova rhythms arranged with outdated (in 1967) strings do not fit, Sinatra's voice does not fit the faux bossa nova vibe. Overall sounds like an attempt at Brazilian music for gringos.
SZA
1/5
Ambitious work, but after multiple listens it's just not clicking, maybe it's the overuse of auto-tune or the weak lyrics.
Donovan
2/5
Early psychedelia tinged with sitars and tablas. You can practically smell the daffodils, marigolds, weed, and unwashed hippy feet.
The White Stripes
2/5
The musical equivalent of supermarket sushi.
Ladysmith Black Mambazo
3/5
Beautiful vocal harmonies. Enjoyed the seemingly random (probably wouldn't seem random if I could understand the lyrics) interjections of laughter, exclamations, rolling r's, small shouts, etc. Wish there were more of that to break up some of the monotony. Interesting, esoteric, unique.
Koffi Olomide
3/5
People giving this a 1 while criticizing the artist's past transgressions, at the same time handing out 5s to albums with Lennon, Paige, Bowie or James Brown, I see you....
If we manage to separate the art from the artist, we get a lively, upbeat, infectious, dance-able record that serves as the de facto representative of soukous music on the list. I don't know enough about the genre to judge weather it serves as a fair representation, but I do know that Congolese music as a whole is very much worth in depth exploration.
System Of A Down
4/5
There's so much going on here musically, I feel this would be perfect for listeners with shorter attention spans. So many different ideas all held together with some epic, aggressive metal riffage. In all, a fun, testosterone fueled, scattered record, though I don't think this is SOAD's best.
Standouts: Know, Sugar, Peephole
Gillian Welch
1/5
+2 stars for curing my insomnia, -1 cause I woke up flaccid and depressed.
Radiohead
2/5
As the title suggests; completely forgettable.
The Band
3/5
Had low expectations going into this one, based off the terrible artist name, and the even more terrible album cover, but was pleasantly surprised. Highlights include Across the Great Divide, which plunges you right into this 44 minute jambouree, Up on Cripple Creek is a funky jam ahead of it's time, and the album finishes off strong with the fun and lighthearted King Harvest. The rest of the material is solid and varied enough to keep this hoedown rollin'.
Sly & The Family Stone
5/5
This is arguably the strongest lineup the Family Stone has featured, including but not limited to such big names as Bobby Womack, Ike Turner and Larry Graham.
The sound of this album hangs in the air, like a cloud of weed smoke on a hot, humid evening. It oozes soul. It massages your nerve endings. It'll sweep you away into it's abstract vision of a concrete jungle, down alleyways filled with stoners, mothers with infants, children playing, couples making out, hustlers hustling, and all the while demand nothing but a slight bop of your head along the journey.
Julian Cope
2/5
Not sure what this behemoth of an album is trying to be or what to make of it. It seems to be pulling a bunch of influences from the past, but doesn't do much to move the sound forward. There isn't much coherence or consistency, aside from Julian's lackluster vocals and instrumentation that can best be described as adequate. The end result is an OK album, nothing to be irritated about, but also nothing to get truly excited about. Never heard of Julian Cope prior to today, and I suspect will never hear of him henceforth.
Screaming Trees
2/5
For listeners of 90's alternative radio (already a limited demographic), Screaming Trees would have been a palette cleanser between the songs you actually wanted to hear.
Metallica
3/5
Metallica at their youthful, angry, energetic best. But as others have said this album could definitely use a remaster/re-mix. Guitars have the signature Metallica sound, but the drums are so flat and the bass is m.i.a.
The Kinks
3/5
What a strange work this is. Blues inspired pop-rock meets occasional bursts of flamenco, folk, country, surf, and more, spliced with a healthy dose of Monty Pythonesque sense of absurdity and quirkiness that the British love so.
Best songs are title track and Wicked Annabella. 2.5/5 rounded up cause it's a Sunday.
The Afghan Whigs
1/5
Cringy lyrics, annoying vocals, not worth your time.
Leonard Cohen
2/5
I think the author of the book took the "before you die" part of the assignment a little too literally.
Gene Clark
2/5
Generic country music but with some nice orchestral arrangements.
Arcade Fire
2/5
The muffled, whiny vocals are so irritating. Instrumentals are kinda ambitious with the accordions and and violins spliced in, but it feels like they're just there for the sake of some novelty, rather than being a solid part of the ensemble.
I'm probably not hip enough for this hipster orgy.
Genesis
2/5
Like listening to a musical mad-libs.
Public Enemy
3/5
Amazing energy, Chuck D has the flow and the lyrics. Some dope beats and samples. The influence of this album must also be acknowledged. On the downside, it does sound a bit dated 30+ years later, some of the cuts are redundant, and Flav doesn't always carry his weight alongside Chuck D.
I would have liked to see a KRS-One album included on the list instead of 2 Public Enemy albums.
Alanis Morissette
2/5
Been a while since I heard this. Voice is still nasal and shrill. The singles are pretty catchy though.
Van Morrison
2/5
Sleepy folksy ballads, although performed passionately. The musicianship is good, but suffers from a lack of direction and arrangement. Found myself tuning out most of the album, with the exception of "The Way Young Lovers Do" which was a much needed pick me up.
Bruce Springsteen
2/5
I think Sylvester Stallone would love this.
Fleet Foxes
2/5
Keep my BRUEGEL off your FUCKING album cover!
Jane's Addiction
2/5
A decent assortment of musical ideas ("Stop!" and "Then She Did.." are pleasantly grand and bombastic) performed admirably by a capable band, unfortunately soiled by the steaming pile of doodoo that are some of the laziest lyrics ever sung by what sounds like Screetch from Saved by the Bell.
Sonic Youth
3/5
Rough around the edges (in a good way), an enjoyable listen, although no real standout tracks.
Bob Marley & The Wailers
4/5
I'm as big a Bob Marley fan as they come. But even I can't justify including 3 of his albums on this list, when so many reggae greats were snubbed. And as wonderful as this album is, of the 3 on this list (Catch a Fire and Exodus being the others), it is probably the weakest one, though still a great intro to the man's music.
Prefab Sprout
2/5
A perfectly fine album of perfectly good songs, plenty of originality too, but.. it just doesn't get me excited in any way.
2/5
First time listening to PJ Harvey. "Big Exit" was a promising start and had me excited for what was to come, unfortunately, with the exception of "The Whores Hustle..", the rest of the album was a letdown. The songs were either too poppy for my taste, or lacked the energy of the two aforementioned tracks. Not bad overall, but two good songs do not an essential album make.
The Cure
1/5
My mascara started running, I think I got too much hair spray in my eye.
Iron Maiden
2/5
Iron Maiden album covers remind me of the ol' Goosebumps books series, both using the same formulaic palette of not-too-scary cartoonish skeletons and occult imagery that appeals to pre-teen boys (12 year old me would have loved this cover too). The music is predictably formulaic too, but it's a formula that works for them. Still, the guitar riffs and solos are bitchin', and the songs are performed with enough vigor and aggression to keep the 39 minute run time fairly enjoyable.
Pink Floyd
2/5
Can one truly know despair if one has never known happiness?
This is my first time listening to The Wall in it's entirety, having only heard snippets before. It is a gargantuan, ambitious work, a rock opera following the story of a young man (rock star?) who proceeds to whine to us about all the struggles in his life. Listening to this album felt like being a shrink with a clipboard, listening to a patient tell their miserable life story. Daddy left me to fight in the war. Teachers at school were mean. Mommy was overbearing and overprotective. My wife cheated on me, while I was out trying to shag groupies. On \"One of My Turns\" the protagonist sings \"Nothing is very much fun anymore\", which made me do a head turn. At which point so far in the album has anything been fun?
And so it goes, through suicide attempts, drug induced hysteria, depression, flashbacks of war, flirtations with fascism. Each of these are a brick that get added to the proverbial wall that the protagonist erects around himself to protect himself from the cruel world. Eventually the protagonist is put on trial and forced to take down the wall for the crime of showing human emotion. This must be some sort of commentary on British stoicism. I dunno.
Musically, it's a well produced, painstakingly made album. There are some great moments, especially with the heavier guitars on "In the Flesh" which I wish were present more throughout the album, some very nice, emotive guitar solos throughout, and dramatic climaxes like at the end of "Waiting for the Worms". The harmonized ooohs and aaahs really got on my nerves though, and in general the vocals were very hit and miss (mostly miss).
Lyrically, we got edgy jams like; "If you wanna find out what's behind these cold eyes, You'll just have to claw your way through this disguise", the ever so seductive "Ooooh, I need a dirty woman. Ooooh, I need a dirty girl.", and lets not forget the incredibly deep "When I was a child I had a fever, My hands felt just like two balloons", followed later by "I can't explain, you wouldn't understand." How could we? A child with a fever? The poor soul!
Conclusion. There are 2 songs I enjoyed, "In the Flesh" (including the redux) and "Hey You". The album would easily get a 3 for those 2 songs alone, along with the generally excellent instrumentation and production, but there are too many annoying, self-indulgent, boring or at best forgettable songs, and they do bring the score down. For those who want to enjoy a good rock opera, I recommend Zappa's Joe's Garage, released just a month before this, it has a more humorous story, wider range of emotions, much more scathing social commentary, and yes, better guitar solos.
Robert Wyatt
3/5
Tracks 1&2 Is he crushing on a mermaid?
Track 3 Seems backwards looping tracks were all the rage in the 70s. Oh blimey, mercy me, woe are we. Dig the jazzy horns and bass though.
Tracks 4&5 When he said "Nit nit folley baloley", I felt that. Dig the jazzy piano and drums though.
Track 6 Is this what the English call 'taking the piss'? Dig the strings, etc.
I like the jazzy soundscapes. Lyrically, I can see the influence on modern wordsmiths like Daft Punk and Lil' Pump. Still can't see the dead moles, but I'll try again in a few months.
Pixies
2/5
Good album, not a must hear, not the top of the Pixies discography.
Best songs; Cecilia Ann, All Over the World, The Happening
Never heard of Faces, nice album title, shit cover, let's go!
Seems this band has two lead singers, the raspy-voiced simpleton sounding Rod Stewart, who strikes me as an asshole by his lyrics (the part about kicking a poodle on the first track didn't go down well, and he never recovered). The second is a mellowed-out dollar store Dylan sounding Ronnie Lane, who honestly should have been featured on more of the songs. The music is (surprise, surprise!) bluesy rock played by a British band. Pretty average overall. Most of the songs needlessly accelerate the tempo towards the end that just turns them into a sloppy mess.
Noticed that Memphis is a Chuck Berry cover (who inexplicably is missing from this list, and not for being a sex offender and pedophile, as there are plenty of those on here). Gave the original a spin. My god, they managed to take ALL of the nostalgia out of the song!
Tried hard to find a redeeming aspect, but couldn't. Into the 1-star pile you go.
The Clash
3/5
It has now been 8 out of 9 albums in a row from the UK. I'll explain below exactly why that's a problem.
First, as far this album goes, we have the anthemic title track the album and indeed The Clash are so known for, that sounds VERY different from the rest of the album. What follows are two disks worth of second-wave ska and rockabilly. As others have said, the songs feel samey and different at the same time. For me they range from very good (Jimmy Jazz, The Guns of Brixton) to the skippable (Spanish Bombs, Koka Kola, Lover's Rock). There is enough quality here for an easy 4, but I think this may be a case of too much of a good thing. The second disk just drags a bit too much.
Now for the UK problem, I really dig 2-nd wave ska, and indeed 3-rd wave too, but how is it possible that this list completely ignores ANY and ALL 1-st wave? Don't go searching for The Skatalites, they're not featured. Jimmy Cliff? I checked, not here. Toots & the Maytals? Prince Buster? Desmond Dekker? Forget it! A shame, a downright shame.
Sarah Vaughan
3/5
Now THIS is a great album cover. Sets the mood perfectly for what's about to come. Let's go!
After listening, it's a very nice live performance, the couple of blunders that were kept on the final cut where a refreshing touch, something you won't likely see on a modern live album. Particularly liked the slower, smoother numbers like September in the Rain and Stairway to the Stars. Wish there was one or two more emotional songs thrown in, but I guess it would have ruined the mood. Also would have liked the trio to be louder in the mix, especially during the instrumental solos.
Prince
5/5
A candidate for the best album of the 80's. Instead of writing out superfluous praise, I want to list some of my favorite moments from the album.
- The moment Prince sings "It's silly no? When a rocket ship explodes.." on the title track gives me goosebumps
- Prince describing being seduced by Dorothy Parker
- The opening of "Starfish and Coffee"
- The tasteful brass flourishes on "Slow Love"
- The canned synths on "Hot Thing" is pure sex
- The duet with Sheena Easton on "U Got the Look" is hilarious, especially the "Let's get to rammin'" line
- When the kick drum comes in on "The Cross"
The Only Ones
2/5
Occasionally lush instrumentals with the vocals of a bored crow and the excitement of a lukewarm glass of water.
Nick Drake
2/5
A depressed man sings 7 in-differentiable sounding melancholic, nostalgic songs (plus 3 instrumentals) while strumming an acoustic guitar to a pretty but generic easy-listening background.
The Rolling Stones
2/5
A highly flawed album with redeemable qualities. I'll go through it song by song.
Brown Sugar - They are really walking the tightrope here between celebrating rape and slavery, and simply commenting on it. The diehard fans might side with the latter argument, but I fail to see it. A shameful, tone-deaf song that sounds annoying even without the controversial subject matter. (-2)
Sway - Straddles a middle ground of mediocrity, a commercially produced, radio friendly amalgamation that can't decide if it wants to go full on soulful blues, or full on edgy hard rock, so does a bit of both half assed, though finishes with a very nice crescendo. (±0)
Wild Horses - A very pretty ballad. Nice guitar work. (+1)
Can't You Hear Me Knocking - A lively tune about what sounds like a drug addict trying to break into someone's house. Would be a forgettable song on it's own, but the saxophone and guitar solos that follow make it easily the high point of the album. Not a coincidence that it's also the longest stretch we have without hearing Jagger's voice. (+1)
You Gotta Move - Mick Jagger is back attempting a molasses paced traditional gospel blues number. Not the worst thing we'll hear today, but not exactly memorable. Props for crediting the original author *cough* Led Zeppelin *cough*. (±0)
Bitch - The brass backing on this track is fantastic and lively enough to make this worth listening to, despite Mick Jagger's struggles to stay in tune. Harmonies are annoying. (+1)
I Got the Blues - Slower numbers seem to suit Jagger much better. Nice horn flourishes. Organ solo was dope. (+1)
Sister Morphine - Once again Jagger proves that laid-back numbers are more up his alley. Beautiful guitar playing, overall an atmospheric song. (+1)
Dead Flowers - Thought the album was over, and YouTube auto-play algorithm shifted me onto some generic country. Nope, still the Stones. The worst of them in fact. Fake southern drawls, out of tune harmonies and uninspired crooning. (-1)
Moonlight Mile - Shoulda ended the album with Sister Morphine. (±0)
Final tally +2
Brian Eno
2/5
Never properly listened to Brian Eno. Minimalistic cover seems to suggest some minimalistic music, but after another stretch of mediocre UK based boomer rock, I'm just hoping for something different. Let's go!
Well this was an assortment of unfinished musical ideas, some more interesting than others. Meh.. on to the next one.
Bon Jovi
2/5
Seems unlike most of the reviewers on here, I haven't heard most of these songs. Fairly boring and almost painfully redundant, like a more glammy AC/DC, but I guess I can see the reason for it's inclusion as a token hair metal album.
Leonard Cohen
1/5
Sigh, another Leonard Cohen spoken word album. This time with shitty synth loops. I swear I remember most of these beats from the drum presets on my 80's Casio toy keyboard. I'm your Man was #7. Wanted to give this a 2 for having the ambition to attempt a song in 3/4, but then Jazz Police came on, and it was a wrap.
They sentenced LC to 20 years of boredom, and he tried to do the same to us.
Bobby Womack
4/5
I might have gone with Understanding instead of this album, but this here's a tight, solid work, the grooves are fantastic, without a single weak track.
Stereo MC's
2/5
It's alright, decent for a mid-tempo workout, could do without the rapping. Decidedly not a must hear album, but not a bad hour spent if you relegate it to the background.
Nightmares On Wax
2/5
Delightfully smokey.
Meat Loaf
3/5
If you name your album "Bat out of Hell", then put a naked Fabio on a flying motorcycle decorated with a dead horse head, bursting out of a haunted cemetery, you're not going for subtlety, and your music better reflect that. Luckily, from the opening moment to the final note, the music here goes aptly balls to the wall. No compromises and no disappointments.
Best song is the epic Paradise by the Dashboard Light suite
Nina Simone
4/5
No one brings a song to a climax quite like Nina.
Fun fact, she attended the Juiliard for piano NOT singing!
Mj Cole
2/5
A bit inconsistent and yet redundant at the same time. Songs are all over the place. Not a must listen, but I guess it's ok as a UK garage token album.
Best tracks: Rough Out Here and Slum King
Eels
2/5
A completely inconsequential album. The musicians are fine, and there are even some nice moments, but the lyrics are almost painfully vapid, cliche and shallow, and the singers voice is fine for a song or 2, but too monotonous to carry a whole album. This was gonna be another 1-star, until Mental came on, if they had only pursued the sound they had on this song and maybe pushed it even more, this would have been a much more memorable album.
Funkadelic
5/5
Everybody is rightfully enamored over the guitar solo on the title track (the best ever post Hendrix), but it must be mentioned how Eddie Hazel absolutely rips it
again on Hit It and Quit It and then again on Super Stupid. Just an incredibly talented group of musicians, amazing production and a timeless sound all packaged together perfectly by Dr. Fukenstein, the only physician who could pull off such a creation.
More power to the pussy!
More pussy to the people!
Pavement
1/5
When I was a kid, I was riding a bike when I got caught in a crooked rain, I ended up slipping and ripping my knee open on the pavement, blood and shredded skin everywhere.
Anyway, I'd rather relive that experience than listen to this snoozefest of an album again.
"I need to sleep" sings the vocalis on the last song, boy do I have an album for him!
Sex Pistols
5/5
The punkiest of all punk albums. What other band could have this much influence and make this much noise with just a 39 min discography?
Elvis Costello & The Attractions
2/5
A well-crafted pop album, good production, expertly composed, but somehow, the whole thing feels.. toothless.
Lyrics are interesting, but need an annotated companion to decipher. Won't be coming back to this one.
Daft Punk
2/5
Take it for what it is, a collection of club singles to be spun, mixed and danced to, not a coherent album to listen to with undivided attention. Not a bad piece of music, but maybe it's a bit misplaced on this list.
B.B. King
3/5
Mr. King brings the blues, the purples, the yellows, the magentas and the salmon pinks. How Blue Can You Get alone is worth the price of admission. Which was probably 20 cents at the time.
Only complaints are how they splice two separate concerts together and it impacts the continuity a bit, and also the ending is much too lackluster for an album that kicked off this hype.
Arcade Fire
1/5
Arcade Fire again? Why? WHY? Well I'll give them credit, their music does capture the malaise of suburban life. This album reaffirmed a few things for me.
1) I don't like the suburbs.
2) I don't like music about the suburbs.
3) I sure as hell don't like Arcade Fire
The Smiths
1/5
Why does he sing like he's getting his balls stepped on at random intervals?
X-Ray Spex
4/5
Talk about a cover and name that don't inspire any confidence or anticipation for what's inside. As most people here I suspect, I haven't heard of this band before, let's go!
Track 1 - What in the Eliza Doolittle? We doing satire music now? Have a feeling this is heading straight for the 1-star pile.
2. Identity - OK, this is kinda lively, no idea what she's saying, but there's some kinda toy wind instrument in the background, and at least the adolescents are having fun with this one. Already this is miles better than The Smiths.
3. The Day the World Turned Dayglo - Still no idea what Eliza Doolittle is shouting about, but appreciate the vigor. And the toy wind instrument turned out to be a saxophone - go figure!
4. Genetic Engineering - I think I picked up a bit of German at the beginning there? The sax player (Steve "Rudi" Thomson) is starting to establish himself a bit more, go on then!
5. Art-I-Ficial - This is my second listenthrough, and I JUST realized that the name of the band is X-Ray Spex, and the album title is Germfree Adolescents, thought it was the other way around. Anyway, this song slaps! This is by no means a 1 star album.
6. Plastic Bag - "My mind is like a plastic bag" declares Poly Styrene, the lead singer. OK, I finally pulled up the lyrics, not as dreadful as I expected, this band keeps surprising me. They seem to be complaining about the over-saturation of media and advertising in 1977, are they in for a surprise when they cross into this millennium.
7. I Am a Poseur - Another bop. Maybe the best so far. Wow, this band just keeps racking up stars.
8. I Live off You - He might be closer to a random high school band member than Sonny Rollins, but this song is evidence that a sax makes a great addition to any punk band (see also The Stooges).
9. Lets Submerge - Just when I mentioned The Stooges, Miss Styrene goes all out channeling her inner Iggy. Another star earned? Another star earned!
10. Obsessed With You - This is actually supposed to be the 2nd track on the album, but YouTube seems to have messed up the order, or following a different release version. Oh well, this album will be getting plenty more rotation, in the correct order next time.
11. Warrior in Woolworths - Woolworths is a clothing store? Seems like there's something deeper here than just the surface lyrics.
12. I Can Do Anything - 12 songs deeps and the energy is still high. Not getting tired of this at all. Dig those rolling rrrs, and I think I'm finally starting to understand what Eliza Dool.. I mean... Poly Styrene is saying.
13. Age - Bonus track? Why not!
14. Highly Inflammable - Another bonus track, nice change of pace from the rest of the songs so far.
Conclusion - MASSIVELY surprised and impressed by this one. Make sure you find the version that starts with Art-I-Ficial, as that is the original and imo best album opener.
Rush
2/5
Another artist I've never listened to before.
The intro was absolutely awful, just all over place, a smattering of scattered musical ideas. Then the shrill vocals came in. We're treated to a multi-part opus about a dystopian world where the citizens are forced to listen to Rush by their religious zealot overlords (or that's how I understood it).
With the despotic torture over, we move on to Thailand Express, where the lads demonstrate their acute knowledge of geography as they reminisce about the best cities to light one up.
The rest of the songs are mercifully brief (relatively speaking), but no less torturous. Tears being the only exception (see what happens when your singer actually tries to sing instead of doing a shitty Plant impersonation?), just barely salvaging a second star for this slog rock mess.
3/5
First time with this album. Some thoughts.
Best listened to with a few pints of room temperature English ale and a basketful of gooseberry tarts.
Major points for the scathing social and political commentary, that is still very much applicable today, and not just in Britain.
Musically a bit too jangle pop for most of the time, I know The Kinks are capable of rocking a bit harder, and I would have liked to see them do that here more.
Overall a good album that I don't see myself returning to all too often.
Massive Attack
1/5
This must be the precursor for those generic 6 hour ambient electronic atmospheric early afternoon morning coffee while you study while you code while you spark a j while you take a shit chill out vibes for late autumn strolling cold winter afternoon at home by the fire meditation yoga contemplating the meaning of life outer space traveling the universe zoning out and finding inner peace mixes.
ABBA
1/5
Here we have a concept disco album by the Swedish band Abba. We follow a tale of a promiscuous high school girl who gets kicked out of school for sexually assaulting her math teacher. She becomes a stripper and is fairly popular with the guys, she tries to have a romantic relationship, but just ends up getting her heart broken, realizing that no one wants a stripper girlfriend. Devastated she quits dancing, but now she is struggling with her bills, alone and broke she spirals into a pit of depression. One night as she's being followed home by a stalker in a tiger outfit (probably a furry), she realizes she's had enough, so she packs her bags and moves to Hawaii, where she meets a man named Fernando, and they live happily ever after.
Musically this album is annoying as hell, the repetitive saccharine melodies are particularly painful. The lyrics are stupid. The story is stupid. I hate everything about this. This needs to remain in 70's Sweden. You know those people who use phrases like "someone's got a case of the Mondays"? They're the only ones who listen to this. And only in the presence of others. Because they want to torture you. Abba is shitty torture music. Stay away unless you have masochistic tendencies.
Bob Dylan
3/5
Don't let the absolutely horrible album cover deceive you, the music here is prime Dylan, that is to say, top notch Americana folk-rock.
Considering there are 7 total Bob Dylan albums in this book, the fairest way to rate this, is relative to all of the other Dylan albums. Which makes it a solid, middle of the road 3. Best song; Memphis Blues.
Tim Buckley
3/5
Songs are excellent, Tim Buckley's voice is.. well... I was hoping the back up singers would be more prominent.
This record is like a buffet, seems to offer a little bit of everything, but nothing that's unique to it. Might come back to it if the mood is right.
Dexys Midnight Runners
1/5
An album from a one-hit wonder, and it doesn't even have the hit. Apparently this is the first of 3 Dexys albums on this list! Overkill much?
Anyways, the music is alright, kinda upbeat, it's nice that they went with a horn section, but the horns just sound so flat on most of the songs, like, they're missing that spunk. And the vocals, I realize the whiny crying type voice was all the rage in the 80's (ala The Cure, Soft Cell, etc.), it just, one or two songs are fine, but do you have to fucking weep over every song? Even the upbeat ones?
I'll wait for one of their other albums where the band comes into their own a bit more to properly appraise them, I really struggle to see what makes this a must listen.
Neil Young
2/5
I'd choose Joe Rogan too over this.
Def Leppard
1/5
To call this dad rock would be an insult to dad rock everywhere.
To call this suburban mom who used to be quite wild back in the day rock would be an insult to Queen.
Public Enemy
3/5
Two thousand twenty two the number, another summer,
sound of Public Enemy to kill your slumber,
Music hitting half as hard, cause you know it got old,
Once dangerous, hey, hey!
Now a critics darling y'all,
Flav's yappin' while Chuck's rappin',
Saying like he mean it,
Meanin' when he say it,
While Terminator X spinnin',
These beats he be killin',
Insert generic line here,
Insert generic line there,
A true relic of hip hop history,
But no one's bumping this recently.
Otis Redding
4/5
If Otis Redding covers your song, there is a real risk that it'll become an "Otis Redding song" for all of history ¹, and you'll need the likes of Aretha Franklin if you want to get it back ².
¹ "Ole Man Trouble", "Respect" and "I've Been Loving You Too Long" are the only Otis Redding compositions on here, the rest are covers.
² "Respect" was infamously covered by Aretha Franklin, and her version is now considered to be the definitive one.
Manic Street Preachers
2/5
It's as if an AI was tasked to listen to some 90's alternative/brit-pop radio, and then make an album based on what it heard.
Björk
3/5
Well, well, looks like this album features none other than ol' Robert Wyatt (of the ''nit nit folley balloley'' fame), on 'Submarine' and 'Oceania' no less, still looking for that mermaid you old sea dog? I should have known our paths would cross again, after all, it may be a list of 1001 albums, but it's only like 50 artists.
But enough about falsetto Bob, let's get to the star of the show, also known as the human beatbox - Rahzel. Ok, maybe not the star, but on a mostly acapella album, his beatboxing provides some indispensable grounding. The tracks that don't feature him suffer for it. I actually think just an album with just him and the Icelandic choir would have been interesting. Bjork could play the triangle or something. Half kidding.
Speaking of the Bjorkster. I've had the occasional pleasure and occasional misfortune to hear her music before, but this album is a first for me. And for the most part it's a combination of pleasure and only occasional uncomfortable squirming (Ancestors stands out in particular). But for 45 minutes of Bjork, it is pretty damn tolerable.
I feel compelled to comment on the lyrics. Some are in English, some Icelandic, still others appear to be just gibberish. As I don't speak Icelandic, and Bjork's English prose is of the a million monkeys on a million typewriters variety, it's all equally incomprehensible to me.
I'm not sure how to appraise it, I respect the artistry of it, but giving it a 4 would not be consistent with my rating system so far. So a 3 it is, leaving plenty of room for her to impress me with her other work.
Best songs: everything with Rahzel (But especially ''Where is the line'', also featuring Mike Patton and the human trombone Gregory Purnhagen).
The Doors
3/5
Some iconic hits, but also plenty of filler.
The poetry is indeed stupid, but only noticeably so on The End.
Jane's Addiction
1/5
Not this shitty band again. I gave them a generous 2 stars last time, but my generosity has run out.
Yeah, they don't sound like any other band of that time, maybe there is a reason for that?
Erykah Badu
5/5
A marvelous sophomore release, on which Badu explores a wide swath of emotions and themes, from closing yourself off to outside ideas on "Penitentiary Philosophy", to self-acceptance in the face of the prevalence of superficiality in society on "Cleva", infidelity on "Booty", police violence and racial profiling on "A.D. 2000", the weight of emotional baggage on "Bag Lady", from pure unadulterated romance on "I'm in Love with You" to jealousy with a touch of self depreciating humor on "Green Eyes".
An album that is consistent in it's musicality, well written and understated lyrics and excellent production. Speaking of production, it serves as a good introduction to the producer J Dilla, whose classic "Donuts" is (surprise, surprise!) missing from the list.
This one may be a grower if neo-soul isn't your bag, but give it a few spins, it's one of those records that not only has a timeless quality, but also infinite replay-ability.
Portishead
2/5
Lulls you to sleep. Wakes you up with a sudden beat change. Rinse and repeat.
Lots of Dust Brothers vibes.
"Machine Gun" the only standout.
The Flaming Lips
2/5
Whats with the WB logo? Thought this was a movie soundtrack at first. Turns out just more indie pop-rock. Let's see...
Wimpy vocalist singing through too much reverb ✅
Ambiguous or irreverent lyrics that purposely lack any emotional depth other than melancholy ✅
Everything awash in reverby synths ✅
Music that's just catchy enough to be accessible, and just creative enough to be called artsy (but only minimally so on both ends) ✅
Yep, this is your good ol' generic indie pop-rock. The only redeeming aspect of this album is some very interesting musical passages and melodies ("The Gash" is best I'd say), but unfortunately the singer really ruins every song. And the lyrics don't help none.
Isaac Hayes
5/5
Smoother than Chef's bald head.
4 epic songs that embody the peak of 60's soul.
To those complaining about the length, you can't build up to a proper crescendo without putting in the time. And Isaac Hayes crescendos are in a class of their own. Expand your short attention having, Tik-Tok binging minds a little, and just let the music wash over you. Get comfortable. Maybe have a drink. Let the music settle in and seduce you. Think of it as foreplay. You wouldn't cut your foreplay short, would you?
Hot take, these songs could have been even longer if it wasn't for the format limitations of the time, and I would have been all for it.
Final thoughts, the piano solo on the second half of "Hyperbolicsyllabicsesquedalymistic" gets me every time.
Throwing Muses
2/5
bleat [bleet]
noun
1. the cry of a sheep, goat, or calf.
2. any similar sound (the bleat of distant horns).
3. foolish, complaining talk; babble (I listened to their inane bleat all evening).
Franz Ferdinand
2/5
A band that demands to be heard, but ultimately has nothing to say.
David Gray
1/5
"Dad! I want an R.E.M. cd!''
''We've got R.E.M. at home.''
R.E.M. at home:
The Smiths
2/5
Without being superfluous, "Never Had No One Ever" is one of the worst songs I've ever heard.
UPDATE, OK, we have a new contender with "There Is a Light That Never Goes Out".
The rest of the album, well, it started off better than Meat is Murder, but nosedived pretty quickly after that.
A reluctant 2 stars, for the clearly evident attempts at musical variety, and deviation from standard pop formulas. No standout songs though.
George Harrison
2/5
A tale of two albums.
The first - two disks of roughly 90 minutes of demo material (i.e. songs that weren't good enough for John and Paul, but in actuality would have been improvements over some of the dribble and filler they routinely pushed out) on which George mostly tries to recreate the sound and success of either "While My Guitar Gently Weeps" or "Something". 3 Stars because at times he makes you feel like he just might pull it off.
The second (titled Apple Jam) - roughly 30 minutes of bluesy acoustic studio jamming and a truly annoying birthday song. If the first album is full of b-sides, than these are equivalent to f sides. 1 star deducted.
Overall, very listenable but hard to make a case for essential.
The 13th Floor Elevators
4/5
Well this was a really cool discovery. Nice blend of melodic tunes balanced well with some grit and trippiness.
Sounds bit dated sure, but for 1966 very much ahead of it's time, and certainly predates many similar sounding yet much higher acclaimed artists.
Jethro Tull
2/5
This album made me question my comprehension of the English language. These are all words I know, I recognize them, I use them regularly, but strung together by Mr. Tull, what the hell are they supposed to mean?
I don't like it when I need Genius to figure out what every song is about. OK, I might make an exception for Bob Dylan and Mars Volta, but these guys are not on that level.
They open each side pretty well ("Aqualung" and "My God" respectively), then it's as if they gradually run out of steam, and the music just declines, steadily, linearly, unmistakably.
The Mars Volta
5/5
Just yesterday I typed in my Aqualung review how Mars Volta is one of my exceptions where I can ignore the obscurity and abstrusity of the lyrics. And here they are on my doorstep.
What makes them different then? Maybe it's the conviction with which Cedric belts out his cryptic lyrics. Perhaps it's Omar's beautiful guitar work that accompanies the whole thing. Or the fact that they really just throw you into the deep end of their fucked up fantasy world with no life preserver, while other prog bands offer you the occasional respite in the kiddie pool. You either learn to swim and love it, or drown, but you're never going to find yourself surrounded by a bunch of kids with pool noodles splashing and peeing in the water (peeing in the water is my analogy for prog bands that get a little too sybaritic). In other words, I appreciate that Mars Volta have their vision, and go all the way with it, holding nothing back, no subtlety, no pandering, this music is theirs and on their terms. And damn if it doesn't sound great!
As much as I dislike this ugly cover, and don't want to see it muck up my flawless summary page, I can't deny that this is as good as prog-rock gets in my book. 5 stars!
Pulp
1/5
Between the cringy lyrics and the sex doll looking woman on the cover, this might be the ultimate incel album. Well, at least my skip button got plenty of action.
A Tribe Called Quest
3/5
A solid debut from an all time great hip hop group. They would come into their own more later on in their career, so I would argue this album is more for the heads than the average fan or first time listener. Still, some very good material on here and no real weakness, other than the absence of Busta Rhymes, who should really be considered an honorary member by this point.
Odd to have this album included instead of \"Midnight Marauders\" or \"We've Got It From Here...\". I guess the author has a propensity for listing debut albums when possible, I can understand that. If either of the aforementioned albums were on the list though, that would have pushed my rating down to a 2, but as it stands, a 3 is a fair score for the groups 4th best work.
Eminem
2/5
Love him or hate him, Eminem is honest almost to a fault, and seems to have no qualms about bearing his soul, his trauma, his perversions, thoughts, feelings, fears, humor, no matter how corny or juvenile or primitive, he doesn't hold back, and I can respect that.
How does the end product hold up? This is music for angsty adolescents by a man who isn't very far removed from being an angsty adolescent himself. And a man who has clearly been through some shit, but hasn't had a chance to fully mature yet. A lot of the references are very time specific and hence aged poorly. A lot of the humor is corny and redundant. But the classic cuts are iconic enough to validate the entire jumbled mess. And as much as I hate Em's hooks, his flow and lyricism on here are undeniably original and unique. Belongs on the list but doesn't warrant repeat listens.
Hole
2/5
It puts the lotion on its skin, or else it gets the hole again.
The Triffids
1/5
Mr. Mediocre and Ms. Monotonous had a baby and gave it a mullet.
Earth, Wind & Fire
3/5
Elementary school dance vibes. Had a sudden urge to ask my wife to dance, but inexplicably was too shy and nervous to go through with it. Oh well, maybe next album.
Black Sabbath
3/5
Historic, influential, inventive. Meanders at times but finishes strong.
Merle Haggard
2/5
The tone of his voice is almost the same on every song, regardless of the subject matter. Makes the whole thing sound unconvincing and uneventful. I will give Merle a second star however, because apparently he's an ex-con who actually lived through most of what he sings about, unlike many other artists who talk the talk, but never walked the walk.
Jungle Brothers
3/5
Nirvana
5/5
We could plant a house, we could build a tree.
Ministry
3/5
This was a fun listen.
Mudhoney
2/5
Alright, another artist I've never heard of before, let's go!
2 songs in. OK, this is some 90's Seattle grunge scene stuff. Like Nirvana but twice as goofy and a quarter as talented. A quarter of Nirvana is still worth a couple stars though.
Joni Mitchell
1/5
Look, writing a song is hard. You need to make a catchy or compelling melody to hook the listener in, or at least grab their attention. Compile some interesting lyrics that fit with the melody, and hopefully have something worthwhile to say. Consider rhyming schemes and syllable counts and all that to make the song flow in a pleasing or interesting way. Well Joni Mitchell does away with all that nonsense here.
I sincerely hope that this entire album was one big improvised jamming session, because that's the only excuse for the complete lack of thought put into the "writing" part of any of these disjointed, lazy, messy songs. I mean, the band was solid enough, and most of the instrumental passages were fine, but Joni sounds as if she's making the songs up as she goes along. What's more, her voice has all the excitement and range of day old cold oatmeal.
Dusty Springfield
2/5
On here Dusty does adequate justice to 12 cover songs. I have nothing negative to say, her voice is good, the arrangements are fine, there's just nothing extraordinary about the album as a whole, and even the book doesn't really clarify what about this is essential listening.
Also, Harry and Lloyd's version of "Mockingbird" is superior. Fight me!
The Charlatans
1/5
A few nice riffs, some decent production. Singer's voice barely tolerable. Managed to make it to the end only by tuning out most of the songs.
Carpenters
2/5
I was ready to write this album off, but "Mr Guder" caught my attention. The backstory is it is aimed at a certain Vic Guder who was their supervisor at Disneyland and would scald them for playing requests from the park visitors (including "Light My Fire" of all things! Can you imagine?) instead of "Disney approved" material, eventually firing them.
The result is hilariously the softest, fluffiest diss track ever, and though it doesn't have the ferocity and rebellious spirit of say MC5 or even CCR, never would I have imagined something like this coming from The Carpenters, and just for trying to stick it to Disney and corporate cow-towing culture, I have to give them a certain amount of credit.
Because we've all had to deal with a Mr. Guder at one time in our lives.
Nick Drake
1/5
There's not enough coffee in the world to keep me awake through this unhappy, meandering, arpeggiated bullshit.
Elvis Presley
1/5
I get that Elvis was highly influential and popular back in his day, but not in 1969. Take a look at the list of albums released in 69, 68, 67.. Surely there are other, earlier works from him that are more essential. These songs are fine, but 1001 albums you must listen to should set the bar a bit higher than 'fine'.
In 1969 Moondog released his highly acclaimed self-titled album of experimental jazz/classical and minimalist fusion. It's avant-garde, spacey, yet strangely accessible. More importantly it's significantly different from anything else on this list. Moondog is not on this list. Go listen to Moondog instead. There are 2 other better Elvis albums on here anyway.
Abdullah Ibrahim
4/5
Although it was a little behind the times for the year this was released, it's an excellent assortment of original cool-jazz compositions. Ibrahim's piano is surprisingly sparse on here, but he sounds like a composed and stern father, who speaks up only when needed, and only as much as needed, to keep his somewhat wild, ambitious (and incredibly talented) children (the other musicians) in line.
Speaking of the other musicians, dig the crazy bass on Manenberg Revisited, the unusual drum rhythms on Tuang Guru, the silky smooth saxophones on the title track and Song for Sathima, the wistful trombone on Sameeda, the self-assured flute on The Mountain.
Only 2 slight critiques, the recording isn't as crisp as I'd like, and sounds more 50's than 80's, and the way all the songs finish with the same flourish is anticlimatic.
OverallI, I'm really glad to have heard this and will be listening to more Abdullah Ibrahim in the future.
Coldplay
1/5
Really Robert? Coldplay? Really?
This is the equivalent of when Apple automatically included that U2 album with every copy of itunes. Like, thanks for the generic recommendation of this shitty band that already gets a disproportionate amount of airplay.
Radiohead
2/5
Radiohead - the act of giving a blowjob while humming a song as illustrated by a recipient of "radiohead" on the cover.
Radiohead - a band which makes dreary music for millions of pretentious, humorless college kids, who think discovering this band somehow elevates their music tastes above the rest.
The latter are unlikely to experience the former.
Jokes aside, My Iron Lung was a good song. The rest? The way the singer moans he might as well have a dick in his mouth.
Nirvana
4/5
Has a rock band with a more flawless catalogue ever existed?
This is an excellent album, but you already knew that.
Not so fun fact. Frances Farmer is the most famous of at least 5 well-known songs by various artists dedicated to the ill-fated actress from Seattle. Fed up with media frenzy and the excesses of commercialism that surrounded her as a result of her fame (sound familiar?), she behaved erratically, was eventually committed to a psychiatric institution where she was allegedly raped, drugged and tortured. The experience led to her struggle with addiction and caused a severe worsening of her mental health. Kurt and Courtney supposedly had a strong fascination with her, and unsurprisingly connected with her story on a personal level.
Can
3/5
A lot more musically subtle than Can's previous releases and a lost less reliant on vocals. Overall an excellent piece of music, filled with countless moments of beauty, as is the rest of their catalog, and though this maybe a controversial opinion, but I'd put Tago Mago and Ege Bamyasi above this album.
Dolly Parton
1/5
This is one of those 1-star albums that isn't inherently bad, but it's just not clicking for me, and try as I may, I can't find anything that would earn it a second star. Also, I can't quite explain it, but Dolly's voice sounds weak and fragile here, and not in a good way.
Pretenders
2/5
Appreciate the energy, but.. whose idea was it to write whole songs entirely out of ad-libs?
Missy Elliott
2/5
Gonna track by track this bad girl.
1. Busta's Intro - One of the most underrated rappers out there. The Coming deserves a spot on this list. The verse he delivers here unfortunately isn't his best. Still, he sets the tone nicely by rhyming Missy with 'pissy', 'sissy' and 'kissy²'.
2. Hit Em With Da Hee - Lil' Kim contributes maybe the best verse on the album on which she rhymes Missy with 'pissy', after which Missy Elliott comes in with a softly sung bridge, and after 2+ minutes she finally delivers her first short verse.
3. Sock It 2 Me - Beats remain solid. Chorus is the catchiest on the album, Da Brat fails to come up with a solid Missy rhyme.
4. The Rain - Trippy, futuristic vibes. Too bad the lyrics are kinda lame. Still a classic, nice use of the Ann Peebles sample too.
5. Beep Me 911 - A nothingburger of a song.
6. The Don't Wanna Fuck Wit Me - An off character song compared to what's come so far, not really vibing with this one. Timbaland rhymes Mis' with diss, while Missy chocked an opportunity to come up with a rhyme while referring to herself in 3rd person.
7. Pass Da Blunt - Weak ass Musical Youth remake and weak ass verses. Well all the verses have been weak so far, although Missy drops some surprisingly agile holorhymes with kissin' and piss (me off).
8. Byte our Style - Interlude. Missy and Timbaland's style so superb. Have you heard?
9. Friendly Skies - A super laid back, stoned out slow jam. All singing on this one. One of the better cuts on the album.
10. Best Friends - Kinda dull despite Aaliyah contributing vocals. I'd say Aaliyah is more deserving of an album on this list than a lot of the mediocre shit included. This is another no rapping slow jam.
11. Don't Be Comin' In My Face - Double entendre? Cringey song, skip this.
12. Izzy Izzy Ahh - Another stoned out weak ass bragging track. Filler at best. Missy is woefully bad at boastful rapping.
13. Why You Hurt Me - Loosie Bootie is the protagonist of a story warning young women about the danger of promiscuity. TLC did it better with "Waterfalls".
14. I'm Talkin' - "I'm such a good rapper". LOL. Embarrassing.
15. Gettaway - Haven't had a good 'Missy' rhyme in a second. Space Nine saves the day with 'pissy'. Then Missy drops a 'sissy', but forgets the 3rd person reference. Another missed opportunity.
16. Busta's Outro - Busta Rhymes thanks us for taking the time to listen to this particular LP.
17. Missy's Finale - Short shout out from Missy.
Final Missy rhyme count (including variants):
pissy - 4
kissy - 3
sissy - 1
diss - 1
Busta Rhymes wins with 4 total instances of 'Missy' rhymes.
As for the album, a few dope songs, lots of filler, chill vibes, not a must hear, but far from the worst thing on this list.
Shuggie Otis
4/5
What a sweet, smooth little funk/soul album! So chill, I could listen to this over and over. Might have been a 5 with a human drummer.
https://www.reviler.org/wp-content/uploads/2011/03/shuggie-otis-dog.jpg
Spiritualized
4/5
This is the second pleasant surprise in two days. Very unique album with some 80's new wave/proto-industrial vibes mixed with some jazz, noise and ambient. Not the most groundbreaking material, and not without some weak moments, but overall this is good shit. Come Together and Cop Shoot Cop are my favs here.
The generator is on fire! Can we make it 3 in a row? Here... we.... go....
Fred Neil
2/5
All the songs are kinda samey, singer has a decent voice though. Some songs I knew from hearing their covers. Nothing I'd get excited about.
Skunk Anansie
3/5
Epic songs but not particularly memorable.
Talking Heads
1/5
Singer's voice is annoying, songs are lame and dorky. People are calling this funky? This is as funky as Weezer is heavy metal. FOH.
Kelela
2/5
Inoffensive laid back r&b that instantly fades into the background and does it's best to stay there.
Production is solid, but Kelela's vocals are on the bland side.
Sinead O'Connor
1/5
Feel so Different - It kinda sets a moody tone, but just drags on too damn long.
I am Stretched on Your Grave - That break beat isn't working with Sinead's voice and this song. At all.
Three Babies - The video of triple headed Sinead reminded me of The Real Slim Shady, and now I can't unsee it.
The Emperor's New Clothes - A new wave type beat coming out of nowhere. Sinead must have learned her dance moves from Michael Stipe. Or the other way around.
Black Boys on Mopeds - Back to another slow ballad. I don't know if it's just YouTube, but the mix is all over the place on this album, and has absolutely no consistency. Another meh song.
Nothing Compares 2 U - Sinead is decent, but Prince's version is better. I'll die on this hill.
Jump in the River - Another jarring transition, but actually the best song so far. If only the guitar riff was less repetitive, and the punk vibe was taken up a notch, this could have been a banger.
You Cause as Much Sorrow - Back to a slow ballad. Pretty but dull. The drum machine is really distracting.
Last Day of Our Acquaintance - zzz
I Do Not Want What I Haven't Got - Like listening to grass grow.
Night Nurse (bonus) - Had to look this up, as I love the original version. TBF, Sinead's rendition is passable.
Final verdict. She has a very good voice and some solid ideas for songs poorly executed. With a more well defined direction, more dynamic instrumentation (human drummer), better mixing and more fleshed out musical ideas, this would be something I'd actually enjoy listening to, but as it stands, I remain a distant and completely indifferent observer.
Queen
1/5
Never heard this album before, but knew Queen from their stadium anthems and obviously Bohemian Rhapsody, which I always thought was a kind of tongue in cheek novelty type of song. Well this album is like one big Bohemian Rhapsody, only less polished, less proficient, less fun, less in every way. Since Night at the Opera is already on the list, including this album as well is redundant. My rating reflects that redundancy, not necessarily the quality of the music (which if it did, I'm not sure would change much).
Frank Ocean
2/5
Frank Ocean frustrates me. Sure he has a great voice with a knack for melody and expressiveness, but he also seems to have an allergy to rhyming and flow and catchyness in his lyrics. Hence I find his songs challenging to enjoy fully. It's either labored listening, or background listening for me. "White" and "Pink Matter" are the stand-outs.
Marvin Gaye
3/5
I never got the appeal of 'break-up albums'. I get that it may be a therapeutic release for the artist, but it's really a toss-up as to whether it will translate to the listener, since every relationship and hence every break-up is a unique and personal thing. In this case, as in many others, I believe it doesn't work. So we're stuck listening to Marvin airing his grievances and pitying himself and whatnot. Do his smooth, sultry vocals and subtle, groovy instrumentation rescue the work? Somewhat. But there are already 2 excellent albums by him on this list, I think this one sorta taints the man's legacy.
Lorde
1/5
That's two break-up albums in a row from the generator. This one is some generic pop. I paid nothing to hear this album, but still I feel I got ripped off for my time.
Björk
2/5
Second Bjork album for me from the generator, and I must say.. Bjork blue-balled me. The Bjorkster blue-balled me big time. The opening couple of tracks were so fire, and then she just had to go and turn into.. well.. quirky dorky Bjork I guess.
I give this 2 swollen, aching love spuds.
Soft Cell
3/5
More than just a one hit wonder, the rest of the album has some solid 80's new wave songs, and sticks to a fairly consistent vibe. Interesting juxtaposition of depressing themes and upbeat music.
I give this 3 adult VHS tapes out of 5.
📼 📼 📼
The Velvet Underground
1/5
Mellow, bland, dull, boring. I guess I'm just not hearing what everyone else is hearing. But reading the reviews, and the book entry, I still haven't found anyone who was able to articulate exactly what makes this essential listening.
One confused shoulder shrug.
🤷♂️
Boston
2/5
The backstory behind the album is a lot more interesting than the music within.
2 cut-off arm sleeves turned into headbands out of 5.
Led Zeppelin
2/5
The debut album from the infamous music thieves. For posterity's sake, I decided to listen to every song on here, followed by the original version where applicable. Let's goooohoohooohooohoooowoowbabybabybabyooohowowoo..oo...o...0o....0....0.........o..........
1. Good Times Bad Times - Whaddayaknow, an original Zep tune, not really feeling this one.
2. Babe I'm Gonna Leave You (original by Anne Bredon, Led Zeppelin covered the Joan Baez version) - Bredon's version has a cold, detached immediacy, she's leaving you and she doesn't care, Baez is more emotionally invested, bearing her soul, Plant sounds like he's parroting Baez but singing like what he thinks an emotionally distraught person is supposed to sound like, while injecting about 100 too many "baby"s. Be forewarned, this is going to be a recurring theme on this album. Flamenco guitar is kinda nice though. Personally the Baez version is best.
3. You Shook Me (original written by Willie Dixon, performed by Muddy Waters) - So they slowed the original waaay down. Like almost absurdly slow. And added some unnecessarily long solos. Another L for the Zep.
4. Dazed and Confused (original by Jake Holmes) - This is the best song on the album hands down. As with all the songs so far, Jake Holmes has more raw emotion and feeling and the better lyrics, while the Zep cover relies a bit more on production gimmicks and effects, but they do some pretty interesting stuff with their version, so I'll call this a draw.
5. Your Time is Gonna Come - Side B opens with another Zep original. And it shows. Stick to doing covers lads.
6. Black Mountain Side ("inspired" by Bert Jansch) - Listened to both and.. Zep just took the guitar riff and played it over some tablas (?) in a different key without the vocals. Neither version is worth much more discussion or bandwidth.
7. Communication Breakdown - 3rd and last original composition on this album. They're starting to formulate their own sound a bit. Plant's vocals are annoying though.
8. I Can't Quit You Baby (original by Willie Dixon) - This might have the biggest gap between the original and the cover. Seriously. Go listen to Willie Dixon's version. Robert Plant is not in that man's league.
9. How Many More Times (hodgepodge of blues inspired bits and pieces) - I'll actually give LZ a break on this one, anything they may have "borrowed" to make this song has been transformed sufficiently and legitimately made their own. And as a song, it's actually pretty damn good, that is if you manage to ignore the "school girl" line.
Final verdict; can't be too hard on the lads, it's a debut album after all, and they did introduce me to Jake Holmes, so major props for that. I rate this 2 court orders - one to pay all royalties to deserving musicians, and one to stay at least 500 m away from all schools.
🧾 🧾
Elliott Smith
2/5
It was ok, inoffensive guitar driven sad-boy songs with some nice production and interesting melodies popping in and out. Not for me though.
I award this two tissues to be used for wiping tears, snot, or the residue of a lonely wank.
Pixies
4/5
Guitar riffs as catchy as chlamydia. Bass lines as solid as a teenager's first time at a strip club. Swirling, mad, intense vocals. And most importantly - the whole thing is fun. Even when it's manic and bizarre and a bit nasty, it's still fun.
I give this 4 cheeky sexual innuendos out of 5.
🍑🍆🍌🌮
Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds
1/5
There are at least a dozen guys outside at least a dozen subway stations in at least a dozen cities that sound just like this. In many cases at least a dozen times better.
I give Nick Cave a single dollar in his upturned hat and move on.
💸
Sigur Rós
2/5
The most demanding album I've come across so far on this generator.
1. It demands to be listened to with headphones.
2. It demands to have your undivided attention, while doing very little to grab it and hold on to it.
3. It demands you stay awake throughout the album, which too is no easy feat.
4. It demands you look up the English translations and make an attempt to decipher it's cryptic lyrics to follow the themes and stories.
5. It demands that you be in a certain type of melancholic, vegetative mood, but again, do not drift off to sleep!
I'm sure for the listeners able to meet the above 5 demands, it would be a very rewarding listen. Unfortunately for me, I could only really meet 2/5 on any given day.
Echo And The Bunnymen
1/5
I guess he's called Echo because he likes repeating the same melody and the same shitty lyrics ad nauseum. He should also get that stutter checked out. I guess he's called Echo because he likes repeating the same melody and the same shitty lyrics ad nauseum. He should also get that stutter checked out.I guess he's called Echo because he likes repeating the same melody and the same shitty lyrics ad nauseum. He should also get that stutter checked out.I guess he's called Echo because he likes repeating the same melody and the same shitty lyrics ad nauseum. He should also get that stutter checked out.
I give them one broken, skipping record out of five.
Run-D.M.C.
3/5
The way these dudes finish each other's sentences is adorable and demonstrates real chemistry. Reminds me of my grandparents.
I give them 3 pairs of fresh Adidas kicks.
👟👟👟
Lana Del Rey
1/5
If "1001 albums" is still being published in 2026, 5 years after this album's release, will it still make the cut? I doubt it.
I award this album 1 well watered plant, courtesy of your friendly local music exec.
🪴
The Replacements
3/5
I jumped up and down to "Favorite Thing", I laughed to "Tommy Gets His Tonsils Out", I cried to "Black Diamond", I rubbed one out to "Gary's Got a Boner".
I give this album three teenage emotional roller-coaster rides out of five.
🎢🎢🎢
Paul Simon
2/5
https://open.spotify.com/album/1DIr8JMRBnm1cZMYIGKb8t
This is the link to the compilation album that inspired Paul Simon to make Graceland. Give it a listen, it's quite good.
As for Graceland, there are some very strong arrangements, but Simon's wishy-washy vocals and 'poetry' don't add much, and in most cases detract from the music.
2 metaphorical blood diamonds plucked from the shoes of a South African musician.
💎💎
Bob Dylan
3/5
As with all 7 Bob Dylan albums on this list, I'm rating this relative to the other Dylan albums on here only. As such, this work has some of his best poetry, and the acoustic side in particular has some very impactful songs, but musically there are much better Dylan albums out there, and of course much worse.
3 lamp posts with folded arms out of 5.
808 State
2/5
It's alright as a historical record. 2 glow sticks out of 5.
Thelonious Monk
4/5
Brilliant indeed, also challenging and cerebral. Monk's playing is sublime, and the contributions by the rest of the musicians are solid too. Pannonica and I Surrender, Dear are personal favs.
I award this four mirrors, to help reflect Monk's radiant smile to the four corners of the world.
🪞🪞🪞🪞
The Band
2/5
Big Pink is what I call my willy. It doesn't make music though. So I guess The Band's Big Pink has me beat.
Two pumps for these chumps.
✊✊
The Young Rascals
3/5
Surprisingly not bad at all. Instrumentation, harmonies, all consistently solid and a sound that perfectly encapsulates the infatuation of young romance, in all it's glorious cheesiness and over-the-top adoration.
3 cupid arrows out of 5.
💘 💘 💘
The Auteurs
1/5
Whispery vocals and identical sounding songs and completely ordinary and forgettable melodies and what makes this one of 1001 albums I need to listen to? Oh that's right, it made a small and brief splash in UK in the early 90's.
I give it one pebble tossed into a pond with the utmost indifference.
💦
Haircut 100
2/5
Some fun and funky parts, but the mediocrity.. lord the mediocrity. Won't be listening to this again.
2/5 horns
🎺🎷
Def Leppard
1/5
Second album for me from the auditory impaired felines.
Hair metal was at it's peak in 1987 when this album was released. However, only a short 3 years later the genre would be swept off with derision into irrelevancy, to never re-appear or be resurrected in any significant way, except on a list of 1001 must listen albums. Other genres that similarly died out after over-saturating pop culture such as disco, new wave and punk, did eventually see somewhat of a resurgence in recent years, and continue to exert a viable influence on today's music, but not hair metal. That's not to say the genre didn't produce some legit and worthwhile music (mostly limited to G 'n R though), but I believe a list curated by professional music critics should do a better job of separating out chaff like this that may have topped the charts in it's time, but now is little more than nostalgia for those who once enjoyed it in their youth. Chart topper =/= quality.
I'm too young to have lived through the hysteria of Def Leppard, and for that, I'm infinitely grateful.
1 glass of water to wash down the sugar rush.
🥛
M.I.A.
5/5
There are certain songs that hit you so hard, that you'll never forget when and where you were the first time you heard them. Despite already being well familiar with M.I.A., "Bamboo Banga" was one of those songs for me. And as if that wasn't enough, she follows it up with 40+ minutes of the freshest, hardest beats that anyone was making at the time. The lyrics are equally hard hitting and shine a light on the injustices of the world that we in the west often turn a blind eye to. Her flow may be simplistic, but it suits her style and her beats so damn well. 15 years later, and this album has not lost it's freshness, nor unfortunately, the relevance of it's message.
5 burner phones out of 5
📱📱📱📱📱
Orbital
2/5
For when you find yourself having to DJ a Pacman themed party. Choice cut - Are We Here?
2/5 dots
🟡🟡
OutKast
5/5
Bangers On Bangers
Bet On Big Boy
Bosses Of Bounce
Better Off Blazed
Bump On your Boombox
Bass On Board
Bring Out the Booties
Broadcast Over Borders
Big Ol' Beats
Best Of the Best
5 drop top 'lacs
🚗🚗🚗🚗🚗
David Bowie
2/5
Just like Bob Dylan, David Bowie has 7 albums on this list. So just like with Bob Dylan, I'm going to evaluate every Bowie album relative to the other Bowie albums only.
This particular album started off strong with the title track, the band is on point, the instrumentals are tight and exciting, Roy Bittan on the piano in particular is outstanding throughout. Bowie's lyrics and vocal melodies however are kinda lazy and seem overly self-indulgent. As the album progresses, it feels like Bowie becomes complacent, as the energy of the first song is not only never matched again, but is often diluted by songs that sound similar but just not as good. The band remains solid, but the funk grooves don't compensate for the middling songwriting. The cover of Wild is the Wind is adequate at best considering who he's covering.
Overall, I'd say this album is more for diehard Bowie fans.
Two lines of nose candy out of five.
🏔🏔
The Beach Boys
3/5
Was sorely disappointed with the lack of woofs, purrs, chirps, growls, barks, bleets and hisses on here. Meow the Jewels remains the superior Pet Sounds album.
Three disgruntled kitties out of five.
😾😾😾
Fela Kuti
5/5
I don't use the word 'iconic' lightly. The opening guitar riff on here, then the saxophone line and of course Fela himself are all the epitomy of iconic. And countless iconic moments abound.
This is easily one of my most frequently played albums.
The two bonus live tracks on the deluxe edition are not to be missed.
Rate it 5/5 soldiers, knowing not what or who they fight for, knowing not they're already as good as dead.
🧟♂️🧟♂️🧟♂️🧟♂️🧟♂️
Supergrass
2/5
More like Averagegrass
Eminem
2/5
On the one hand, this was revolutionary at the time, the concepts, the flow, the persona, all sent shock-waves throughout the music industry. But as a comprehensive work, it's long and daunting, and the jokes get stale, and the filler is bloaty.
I give it 2 farts out of 5
💨💨
The Prodigy
5/5
The lesson here is, whether you're making music or starting fires, be terrific at what you do.
5 terrific brachyuras out of 5
🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀
Pink Floyd
1/5
So here's the deal. I'm gonna do what the editors of this book failed to do, and trim some of the fat. What we got here in this book is 4 Pink Floyd albums. Not as over-done as some of the other artists, but still a bit much. Something has got to go, and this album is the one, as it's just bog standard psychedelia that probably 100 bands were making at the time. And listening to this while not on drugs, is like being completely sober and watching a bunch of strangers tripping out, you feel sad for them, and awkward for yourself.
Now for the question of what I would replace this with. The late 60's and the psychedelic rock genre are already absurdly over-represented in this book, but I think a good replacement would be Gal Costa. Let's go with her self-titled sophomore album from 1969. You still get a heavy dose of psychedelia with a lot more mellowness, a lot less self-indulgence, a sweet Brazilian vibe, and infinitely better vocals. And you don't need drugs to enjoy it.
As for this wank-fest, I give it one absentminded garden gnome warbling obnoxiously while being panned too aggressively from left speaker to right and back again.
🧙🏼
Eagles
1/5
Ohhh... Witch-ay Woman...
Neil Young & Crazy Horse
1/5
This album was heading for a 2, for being mostly inoffensive, laid-back, if overly boring folk. But then Welfare Mothers came on, and I could no longer claim this album to be inoffensive or laid-back. I don't know if it's the live recording or the band just sucks, but their half-assed attempts at 'rocking' on the next track Sedan Delivery were downright embarrassing. The redux of Hey Hey My My has a weird conflict of guitars that are trying to sound rough and rugged, but with Neil Young's wishy-washy, dainty vocals the whole thing becomes unconvincing and farcical.
I award Neil 1 dumbell, so he might lift it to get his testosterone up a bit, or maybe tie it around his nutsack, so that his balls might finally drop.
🔩
Alice In Chains
3/5
With each of their albums AiC seemed to slip further and further in to darkness and depression. Dirt finds them beyond their catchiest and most accessible, but not quite at their darkest yet, as that would come on the self-titled third (and imho their best) album.
Still, there is plenty of top notch content here, and I could see the reason for choosing Dirt for this list, for nothing else than being their most critically and commercially successful work. A different album selection would have garnered a higher rating from me though.
3 empty, bottomless pits of despair out of 5
Beatles
2/5
Started off well enough. I would even go so far as to say that if you swap out the obnoxious "Oh, Darling" and the monotonous "I Want You" for the slightly more dynamic "Because", you'd have a superior A-side. But alas, starting from "You Never Give Me Your Money" onwards, the album devolves into utter nonsense, most of it bordering on unlistenable.
The Beatles are a grossly overrated band, and the unfinished, thrown together mish-mash of songs on the B side here is perfect evidence of that.
I award this album two pairs of silver hammers, to knock the pomposity out of each of the member's heads.
⚒⚒
Wilco
2/5
Some very creative melodies and well done instrumental parts, but the singer really sounds like he doesn't want to be there.
I give Tweedy 2 tickets to somewhere warm and sunny, so he can refresh and cheer up a bit, and hopefully come back sounding a bit more... alive.
🎫🎫
The Doors
2/5
Good music, but there's better and more iconic stuff out there from The Doors, which is already found on this list.
A better psychedelic option from the same year that should REALLY be on this list is the self-titled album from Exuma, an enigmatic artist from the Bahamas, combining some wild elements from junkanoo, calypso, blues, rock, New Orleans jazz and more into a wonderful and exciting cacophony of trippiness and mystique.
Won't be crashing at the Morrison again, unless out of necessity.
2 pillow mints out of 5
The Specials
4/5
Love the bass on here. Fun shit.
4 nicely tanned nudists out of 5
Steely Dan
2/5
Music for people who like white bread sandwiches, consider mayonnaise spicy and view mac and cheese as exotic international cuisine.
I give this 2/5 old crackly speakers playing this at an inoffensive volume at an empty mid-western Greyhound bus stop.
David Bowie
3/5
The A side was a complete throwaway for me, but the B side was decently redemptive. No idea what Bowie was trying to do, some sort of space spiritual mumbo-jumbo I imagine, but it sounded pretty good. Makes sense as this was a sort of a post-drug redemption arc point of Bowie's career.
3 sets of prayer beads out of 5
📿📿📿
The Flying Burrito Brothers
2/5
Apparently these guys are a spin-off from the relatively unremarkable group The Byrds, because of course they are. The latter have 5 albums on here, so what's one more? Anyways, it's fine for what it is, they did manage to get me to sit through a country album until the end, but they certainly didn't have me pining for more.
Unlike real burritos, of which one can never get enough.
2/5 avocados
🥑🥑
David Bowie
1/5
Much like "Low" from 2 days ago, but decisively less interesting. I did not enjoy Dave's unmelodic crooning, nor his flimsy attempts at saxophone. The title track is not in the top 10 of Bowie songs, and personally I wouldn't put it in his top 20 either. So what are we doing here?
God this list really could use some variety.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HasaQvHCv4w
AC/DC
1/5
Things from Australia I'd sooner experience than listening to this mediocre paint by numbers band and their nails on a chalkboard voice having lead singer again:
- a kick to the balls from a kangaroo
- a Vegemite enema
- being a practice dummy for the national rugby team
- sharing a small bathtub with five Tasmanian devils during mating season
- giving Robert Murdoch a food massage while listening to him talk about ethics in media
One broken electric plug out of five
🔌
The Teardrop Explodes
2/5
Better then expected new wave pop. Went Crazy was the best song.
Now where is my keytar?
Tom Waits
4/5
This is exactly the kind of album this project should have more of. From the opening song, it sets a certain mood, makes you feel a certain way, and then sticks to that mood throughout. It was a refreshing change from all the filler augmented one hit wonder albums I've been getting lately. Also of note, it doesn't sound like every other album made around it's time.
Four glasses of whiskey out of five!
🥃🥃🥃🥃
Mercury Rev
2/5
This album has some very nice moments, but it struggles to really maintain or develop them. Like a joke without a punchline. Like a firefly without a light. Like a ship without a rudder.
Two sad dogs without a bone.
🐕🐕
Can
5/5
I'm gonna do something I haven't done before and cast a spite vote. At the time of reviewing, this Krautrock gem is sitting at an average score of 2.86, below such piles of steaming crap as "Gentlemen" by the Afghan Whigs, Def Leppard's "Hysteria", that awful collab by Sinatra and Jobim, and sooo many others.
5 spiteful middle fingers to all you shitty music taste having plebs.
🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕
Fatboy Slim
1/5
Not an album but rather a collection of repetitive singles and half-cooked club tracks, some of which capture a short moment in music history when Fatboy Slim was relevant.
I award this one jump rope. You figure out why.
𓀪
The Roots
3/5
Some absolutely monster beats on here. But unfortunately not free of filler, and lacking consistency. Not bad, but a perplexing choice from The Roots discography.
Standouts: !!!!!!, Thought@Work, The Seed2.0
Liked the cerebral lyrics and the moments of experimentation.
Three brains out of five
🧠🧠🧠
The Sonics
3/5
Respect the garage rock vibes and the energy. Many of the songs are covers, and though they're done justice, they aren't really improved upon. Skip the bonus tracks - those are awful.
3/5 gold rings
💫💫💫
Elton John
2/5
Not a fan of the stretched out ceremonial good-byes, and this one just would not end.
Two ruby slippers for the nice arrangements.
👠👠
Buffalo Springfield
3/5
I feel like this was psych-folk done right. Although the vocals weren't that great, the instrumentals were engaging and atmospheric.
3/5 daffodils
🌼🌼🌼
Lucinda Williams
2/5
I'm not a country listener, so I'll try to approach this with an open mind.
Some of the arrangements are surprisingly pleasant, and Lucinda's voice is certainly capable and soothing, when she doesn't try to put on an exaggerated twang like she does on "Concrete and Barbed Wire".
The lyrics read like a geography lesson of southern U.S. (I counted 21 locations referenced, but there may have been more).
Songs like "Kool 2 Be Forgotten", "Joy" and "Can't Let Go" are good enough to make me want to explore modern country more, but then the rest of the songs push me in the opposite direction.
I give this 2 maps so I can look up where all these places she sings about are.
🗺️🗺️
The Clash
3/5
Solid debut from the great-uncles of punk. But I feel they're holding back somewhat on the record. Live versions of the songs sound more convincing, more alive, more exciting.
I award them 3 safety pins to be used as piercings, for attaching patches to a leather jacket, or pinning a necktie to a shirt when interviewing for the next career opportunity.
🧷🧷🧷
The Who
2/5
The Good - Ambitious approach to album making for it's time. A thoroughly thought out plot that is worthwhile and original. Some very catchy and musically interesting moments. Clearly influential.
The Bad - Overly long, struggled to pay attention, especially during the instrumental passages. The lack of musical interest made the plot difficult to follow. Not a fan of the singer's falsetto.
The Ugly - Controversial opinion time. I HATED the drumming on here. Understand that Keith Moon is regarded as a legendary drummer and whatnot, and maybe on another album he sounds better, but here the drums just sounded flat yet excessive and at times disruptive to the work as a whole.
Summary - Respectable and important work, that alas is not for me, and I have no interest in revisiting. 2 pinball machines out of 5.
🕹️🕹️
Solomon Burke
3/5
The passionate "Can't Nobody Love You" and humorous "You Can't Love em All" stand out from the batch of good but slightly bland songs. Specifically, Solomon's voice is exceptional, but the back-up singers did nothing for me on most of the songs.
I award Solomon three sweethearts to love, hopefully they'll last him the length of this album.
🧍♀️🧍♀️🧍♀️
Radiohead
2/5
One star for putting this out as a pay what you want album.
One star for 15 Step, one of the band's best songs.
Half star for Bodysnatchers.
I'm out of stars to give, and I'm rounding down because there are too many Radiohead albums on this damn list.
Harry Nilsson
3/5
Some bops (Early in the Morning, Down, Let the Good Times Roll) mixed in with some duds (Gotta Get Up, Coconut). Overall very deserving of a listen.
3 cups of coffee out of 5
☕☕☕
Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers
2/5
Kinda underwhelmed with this one. Also a candidate for one of the worst album covers ever.
Two broken hearts.. I guess...
💔💔
John Martyn
4/5
The singer's mumbling doesn't always work, but I'm gonna give him the benefit of the doubt and let it grow on me. The reason I want to do that, is the band on this album is superb and the arrangements are lively, interesting and diverse. The double bass, the organ, so tasteful, so subtle yet effective. This all coming from someone who is not a fan of this kind of mellow folk-rock, but John and the band won me over. Dreams By the Sea in particular is just a wonderful song.
I award John 4 devils to help him get his woman back!
😈😈😈😈
Television
3/5
The glittery guitars where pretty. I wish there were some heavier moments to to add some tonal and timbral variety, but far be it for me to dictate to artists how to make their art. The singer's whiny speak-singing was middling at best, normally this kind of vocal affliction would irritate me, but he wasn't too bad.
Overall it's good, but lacking that "wow" factor for me.
Three shiny, glimmering moons
🌕🌕🌕
2/5
Rock and Roll if it was made by spastic drama club rejects.
2 hands cause at least this is something different.
✋✋
Dusty Springfield
2/5
"Son of a Preacher Man" is an all time classic. The rest of the songs are fine but aren't particularly memorable. This should have been the only Dusty album included on the list, and the other one should have been cut.
2 dust bunnies out of 5
Pink Floyd
1/5
Feel like I'm going crazy here. THIS is the 6th highest rated album on this site?!? Had high expectations going in as a result, but to say it was a disappointment.. this was like biting into a twinkie and finding a turd inside. No words.
Between this shit and Radiohead you people must really love droning synths. At this point I should just record myself taking a shit and layer it over some synths and it'd probably break the top 100 on here.
So the album starts with some guitar noodling that doesn't go anywhere, which leads to incessantly vapid lyrics sung as if by a teenager who's afraid of being heard through the walls of their room, as they should be, because these songs are embarrassing. Then we're treated to a Kenny G saxophone solo. Great! The shit storm just keeps coming. Transition to the next song. More cringy lyrics with gratuitous sound effects this time.
Make it to the title track. More guitar noodling. More eye-rolling lyrics. More lazy compositions. Whoever is playing the synths on here sounds like me when I first got to touch a keyboard as a kid and just wanted to try out every effect and modulator.
Last track. More guitar & synth wanking over 70's porn bgm. Appropriate I guess. Redux of the opening theme, complete with another Kenny G. solo of course. And. It. Just. Would. Not. End. One of the most obnoxious things I've ever heard.
1 steaming turd out of 5
💩
Various Artists
2/5
I thought we weren't doing compilation albums on here?
1/5
Apparently this was removed from the most recent edition of the list - good call that.
Pavement
1/5
Melvins, Car Seat Headrest, Yo La Tengo, The Shins are just some of the slacker-rock/stoner-rock bands that deserve a spot on the list over this shitty band, with their allergic to melody singer. Instead Pavement gets TWO FUCKING albums? Another lazy entry from the editors.
Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds
2/5
Another album from the underwhelming Nick Cave. To give credit where it's due, this one has an interesting theme running throughout, although executed rather haphazardly. He really sounds like a tryhard here.
Two very generous bloody knives for you Nick.
🔪🔪
Frankie Goes To Hollywood
3/5
This was a fun listen, full of grandiose excess and catchy rhythms. Some parts got a bit redundant, but overall I enjoyed it.
3 Hollywood stars out of 5
⭐⭐⭐
Marvin Gaye
4/5
I put this on, an my computer started to overheat.
4 blushing cheeks out of 5.
R.E.M.
2/5
Music for staring absentmindedly at a blank wall.
Aerosmith
2/5
Steven Tyler looks like a giant grouper.
A Tribe Called Quest
4/5
Chock full of classics. Didn't care for the android tour guide though.
Four sticks of butter.
🧈🧈🧈🧈
3/5
Not the wildest thing I've ever heard, I'd say too restrained for my liking, but still good fun. Singers were a bit amateurish sounding even for punk.
3 savagely wrapped presents out of 5
🎁🎁🎁
The The
2/5
Here's the the thing, some of the the musical ideas and riffs here are very catchy and inventive. The the horns and synths are a nice touch and the the piano solos were fun. Overall reminds me of a poor man's Mr. Bungle. It's just that the the execution is lacking and the the overall sound is unexceptional, also the the weak music videos don't help.
2 the's out of 5
Pearl Jam
3/5
I buried Jeremy alive in a deep hole under my porch. Blood didn't even flow from his black eyes once I removed them with my garden shears. Why go through such oceans of trouble, just to release some tension?
Listen to this album to find out.
Dexys Midnight Runners
3/5
Although I shit all over the first Runners' album I got, this one was a pleasant surprise and went a long way towards redeeming and legitimizing the band in my eyes (ears). To note, it's upbeat, raucous, fun and creative.
3 wailing fiddles out of 5
🎻🎻🎻
The Byrds
1/5
Nyce album cover, but unfortunately, Y'm not gyvyng out stars for album covers. The fyrst song was good enough, but what followed was medyocre and contryved attempts at country musyc. How many rodeos have these cyty slyckers been to anyway?
One brand new, shyny, never broken yn cowboy boot out of fyve.
👢
Super Furry Animals
1/5
Another low quality, low effort Soundcloud level project recorded in some random rural British basement. I'm thinking the same people who did the Teenage Fanclub album cover did this one as well. Makes all my other one star reviews seem almost unfair.
One thumbs down is all I can give this.
👎
Lou Reed
3/5
Lou Reed seems to be one of the go-to's from the predictable and annoyingly limited roster of musicians this list repeatedly pulls from. Hence this is already the 3rd album with him that I've received, but admittedly it's the best one so far. Very impressive musical arrangements and performances, the jazz influences seeping through here and there, the proto-punk vibes, the dramatic rock-opera theatrics all contribute to the listening experience, even if thrown together somewhat haphazardly. Unfortunately Lou's monotone speak-singing does less than nothing for me.
I award this 3 meters of Berlin wall for Lou to sit and listen to guitars by..
🧱🧱🧱
Jorge Ben Jor
5/5
The cuíca is a type of friction drum where the pitch is changed by adjusting the tension on the head of the drum. It has a high pitched squeaky sound and is often compared to a laughing monkey.
This instrument is ubiquitous in samba music and is featured heavily on this album. It's sound is unique and instantly recognizable, so keep an ear out for the cuíca player on here!
Overall, a great assortment of songs, that instantly invoke the feeling of chilling out around Lapa, drowning in caipirinhas while having not a care in the world.
5 Taj Mahals out of 5
🕌🕌🕌🕌🕌
The Byrds
2/5
Another week.
Another album from The Byrds.
Another box checked.
Dizzee Rascal
4/5
I've been known to be a bit of a dizzee rascal myself after a drink or 7, so I def vibe with the kid.
I'M YOUR FITNESS INSTRACTAH...
LCD Soundsystem
2/5
Listening to this album feels like being poked gently with a dull object for 55 minutes and 55 seconds. At first it's just kinda irritating. Then as you get used to it, it's not so bad, you start to tune it out. Then there are actually moments where the poking feels invigorating, almost like a massage, but not quite as pleasant. And you almost feel sad and empty when the poking finally stops, like an integral part of you just disappeared. And then it hits you - you were sitting there letting someone poke you for almost an hour, when doing just about anything else would have been more enjoyable.
2 gentle pokes out of 5
👉👉
Rush
3/5
I approached my second Rush album on here with trepidation, after all 2112 didn't leave me feeling very optimistic. My overall verdict is that they are an incredibly talented band (minus the singer), that too often make unfortunate choices with their music. Most of this album is decently listenable, and then YYZ just goes way harder than it has any business doing, that song single-handedly earns these Canucks 3 maple leaves.
If only all their songs were instrumentals...
🍁🍁🍁
Iggy Pop
4/5
This album smells like stale urine and tastes like a sweaty prostitute's armpit and sounds like despair and feels like coming off a heroin high.
And I mean that in the best way possible.
4 assaults on the senses out of 5
David Bowie
3/5
This has some good songs, but I'm really getting Bowied out.
🎀🏹🙇
I swear if I get Ziggy Stardust tomorrow...
Curtis Mayfield
4/5
Curtis Mayfield may not be the flashiest singer out there, he may not be the most memorable, or the most awe-inspiring, or the most emotional. But what he brings to the table, is consistently great music. You know what you're getting with a CM record, it's gonna be groovy, it's gonna be chill, and it's gonna have an insightful and honest sociopolitical message, but it'll never be heavy-handed or sanctimonious.
Curtis Mayfield is reliable. He's the Toyota Corolla of music. He's the Nokia phone of music. He's gravity personified.
4 rolls of duct tape out of 5
Laibach
3/5
Unfortunately the CD bonus tracks on here performed in the band's native Slovenian were the best part for me. The opening was strong, but most of the middle tracks didn't impress. The English version of "Leben heißt Leben" was especially unnecessary.
The bonus tracks come from another Laibach album titled "Krst pod Triglavom: Baptism", so moving forward I'm going to listen to that album instead, but since it's not on the list, I'll credit those tracks to this album anyway.
Drei Stahlhämmer von fünf
🔨🔨🔨
Big Brother & The Holding Company
2/5
The only worthwhile songs here happen to be covers. In such cases, I always try to listen to the original and any other notable versions. So let's break these down.
"Summertime" from Gershwin's "Porgy and Bess" has no shortage of memorable versions. Amongst them, Nina Simone, Sam Cooke, and most notably Ella Fitzgerald and Louis Armstrong (how is he NOT on this list??) all surpass the BB&THC rendition.
"Piece of My Heart" originally by Erma Franklin. Not much between the two versions, in such cases I'd go with the original. Erma's voice is a little more palatable too.
"Ball and Chain" by another absolutely criminally excluded artist, Big Mama Thornton. No contest with this one, Big Mama's is the definitive version.
And there we have it, there rest of the songs are alright, the band is alright, the singer is a bit of a tryhard though.
2 sore throat lozenges out of 5
🍬🍬
Jurassic 5
3/5
Superb beats, mid flows.
3 dinosaurs
🦖🦖🦖
Boards of Canada
2/5
I prefer the broads of Canada
Neil Young & Crazy Horse
1/5
What a liar Neil Young is, not only is he not young, but his song Round & Round (It Won't Be Long) was the longest 6 minutes of my life.
1 pair of pants, burned to a crisp.
👖
Parliament
5/5
There are often discussions about what music from Earth we should broadcast out into space, to share with any intelligent life that might be out there. Well the intelligent life out there that shared this masterpiece with us, certainly made the right choice.
5 UFOs out of 5
🛸🛸🛸🛸🛸
Dr. Octagon
3/5
Solid indie nerd rap, but I'd rather have DOOM on here.
3 octagons out of 5
🛑🛑🛑
David Bowie
2/5
On his deathbed, Dave fulfills his bucket list of all the things he wanted to do musically, including dropping a few bars apparently. Some of it is interesting, most of it is for the hardcore fans.
2 black stars out of 5
★★
The Cardigans
2/5
◼️◼️◼️◼️◼️◼️◼️◼️◼️◼️◼️◼️◼️
◼️ ◼️
◼️ ~ W A N T E D ~ ◼️
◼️ 🛡️ DEAD or ALIVE 🛡️ ◼️
◼️ _____________________ ◼️
◼️ ◼️
◼️ 👨🦱🧔🏻👩🎤👱🏼♂️🧔 ◼️
◼️ ◼️
◼️ ✴ The Cardigans ✴ ◼️
◼️ ◼️
◼️ For the crime of butchering ◼️
◼️ the song "Iron Man" ◼️
◼️ ♢ ◼️
◼️ Last seen on VH1s ◼️
◼️ One-Hit Wonder show ◼️
◼️ ◼️
◼️ REWARD: 2 Gold Bullions ◼️
◼️ 🧈 🧈 ◼️
◼️ ◼️
◼️◼️◼️◼️◼️◼️◼️◼️◼️◼️◼️◼️◼️
Johnny Cash
3/5
We've had the Leonard Cohen offering, we've had the David Bowie offering just days ago, and now the tour of death-bed, making peace with the life I've lived albums concludes with the one the former two were clearly inspired by.
It can not be understated how exceptional Rick Rubin's production is here. Johnny Cash's performance is dignified, solemn, and honest. The songs are all covers. Some hit the mark (Hurt, First Time Ever..), some miss it (Personal Jesus, Give My Love to Rose).
A worthwhile listen, but not one for the regular rotation.
Three grim reapers out of five
Blur
2/5
First two songs were bangers, the rest of the album was kind of a... blur...
Killing Joke
5/5
Finally, a band I've never heard of before.. let's go!
Half way through the album. This is EXACTLY the type of album that makes this project worth it. Top notch discovery incoming!
After two full listens. This is easily the best discovery I have made so far on the generator. In other people's reviews, everyone has a different opinion on who this band sounds like, or who they've clearly influenced. Obviously, the extent of their influence stretches pretty wide. But beyond that, this is a very solid, exciting assortment of songs. The album is well balanced, well paced, there are no weak tracks, there are no weak links within the band, just great music all around.
5/5 defiant fists in the air
✊✊✊✊✊
Bob Dylan
2/5
Ask yourself this, if you were to introduce someone to Bob Dylan, would this be the first album you'd go with? The second? The THIRD? No? Me neither. It's not bad, but kinda generic blues, and most importantly it's not a good representation of it's time period, of it's genre or it's creator.
I gives it two dusty old jukebox spins out of five
Bonnie "Prince" Billy
1/5
There is a fine line between wistful melancholy and apathetic boredom. BPB straddles that line pretty intently, but too often leans towards the latter.
Scratch that. BPB dives head first into a giant tank populated with I-couldn't-give-a-flying-fuck-fish, don't-care-a-damnselfish, shut-the-fugguppies and a great trite shark.
This album has all the excitement of sitting next to your filled up bathtub with a fishing rod, trying to catch any floating hair for an hour. And it's equally pointless. One useless, flaccid fishing rod out of five.
🎣
Raekwon
2/5
I'm a Wu fan, but Raekwon while good has never been among my favorite. On this album he is consistently outshined by the features. RZA's beats are solid but not among his best.
2 plates of pasta for the Mafioso wannabe.
🍝🍝
Miles Davis
4/5
Wonderful tension build ups and releases. Miles shines while the rest of the group hold their own. The music meanders seamlessly between themes and moods, along a winding, peaceful road, never straying too far from the way, but not restricting itself to a straight and narrow path. We are taken on a playful adventure, where we're invited to dream, where we can explore in a fantastical world, in all it's glory and intricacies, in a meditative state of mind, in a silent way.
🤫🤫🤫🤫
Aretha Franklin
3/5
Personally I prefer her album "Aretha Now" from the same year, but there are no faults to find with this work, except that the original mix isn't that great, even with the remastered version, some of the hard panning is a little hard on the ears when listening on headphones. Aretha kills it as always though.
3 foolish chain links out of 5
⛓️⛓️⛓️
Nitty Gritty Dirt Band
3/5
This really plays more as an anthology of traditional music, rather than a cohesive artistic statement. It does a good job of what it intends to do, which is document bluegrass music and feature some of it's most prominent performers.
The Rolling Stones
3/5
Starts off strong with the opening song, then takes a serious plunge, as if any and all creativity was flushed down the toilet on the cover. Occasionally there are flashes of quality throughout such as on Jigsaw Puzzle which is a worthy ode to Bob Dylan, or Street Fighting Man, a worthy ode to MC5, then there are also some very very unworthy odes to various country and blues artists. A messy and inconsistent album of odes is all it is.
3 toilets out of 5
🚽🚽🚽
Van Halen
2/5
Despite the obvious cheesiness, excess and appeal to the LCD, I have to give Van Halen credit here for at least adding SOME musical variety and attempting to have a semblance of self-aware humor, something sorely lacking from their contemporaries.
By no means does that make the music enjoyable, and make no mistake, it does not hold up almost 40 years later, and I would never consider including it in a time capsule of 1984's music, so consider my rating of 2 stacks of textbooks as extremely generous, and an acknowledgement that hey, maybe they did earn that D- in high school chemistry after all, without sleeping with the teacher.
📚📚
Beck
1/5
Who took a shit in this man's coffee?
💩
Emerson, Lake & Palmer
2/5
All skill no soul, the epitome of left-brain music.
I award them 2 abaci, cause doing math is all this is good for.
🧮🧮
Madonna
1/5
Once cutting edge, now past her prime superstar hops on a trend and rides the wave to a minor resurgence in popularity, a resurgence that wouldn't leave much of a lasting impact.
Material girl all day over this.
1 seated lotus out of 5.
🧘
Living Colour
2/5
T'was alright, nothing exceptional, but also nothing bad to say. The colors were certainly vivid, but the tones lacked subtlety.
Two buckets of paint out of 5
🪣🪣
Sly & The Family Stone
4/5
Classic after classic after classic.
4 rocket ships to take us higher, higher, higher...
🚀🚀🚀🚀
Les Rythmes Digitales
1/5
Early 90's video game music layered with some 80's exerts and samples. In 1999. Come the fuck on...
👾
50 Cent
2/5
Production is mostly bland and repetitive, and when it's decent it leans way too bubblegum to compliment the tough guy image. 50's flow is alright, but when he sings on the hooks, it's just painful. A few punchlines and quotables ("I love you like a fat kid love cake" is an all-timer), but not enough to counter the barrage of lame, childish rhymes.
Eminem in true Eminem fashion had the best verse on the album (Patiently Waiting) and also the worst (Don't Push Me).
The frustrating thing is 50 completely lost his sense of humor since "How to Rob".
Busta Rhymes, DMX, Mobb Deep, Wayne are all more worthy of inclusion here than 50.
I'll still give him 2 Jesus pieces, because at the very least most of his boasting is based on real shit that he went through. Won't be listening to this again though.
♱♱
FKA twigs
3/5
The soundtrack to sex robots performing gentle bondage on their human slaves in the back of a cathedral converted into a charging station/sex dungeon.
🪢🪢🪢
John Cale
2/5
Was a complete daze of an album, until Macbeth kicked it up a much needed notch. Then it fizzles out again towards the end.
I'll give this 2 crowns for Macbeth being decent, and the rest being not awful to listen to.
👑👑
Radiohead
2/5
What did the young, hip tablet say to it's aging out-of-touch neighbor?
Arctic Monkeys
3/5
Good guitar work. Makes me wanna run naked across a football pitch.
🙈🙉🙊
Travis
1/5
"The radio is playing all the usual
And what's a wonder wall anyway?"
Hey fuckface, that's YOU, you're as 'usual' as it gets.
"Just driftwood, hollow and of no use
Waterfalls will find you, bind you, grind you."
Yep, this describes your music pretty well.
"Why does it always rain on me?
Is it because I lied when I was seventeen?"
No, it's because you get back what you put out into the universe, you miserable, self-pitying cream puff.
"So what's so wrong
Why the face so long, are you changing"
She heard your latest song.
"There is not a wonderwall to climb
To climb or step around"
What is your obsession with that song, you sorry, sad sack of soiled serviettes?
"So you'd better hold on
Cos it's Saturday night
And your friends are all out
And you feel like shit
Cos they never call you
No they never call you"
Oh for fucks sake...
David Crosby
1/5
Sounds like the death throes of the hippie dream.
R.I.P.
🪦
Elvis Presley
2/5
Elvis the real one minute man with these short songs. Blink twice and the song is finished. Blue Suede Shoes is great, and I'll credit the fantastic Heartbreak Hotel to this album too. The rest is alright.
I give this two ticks of the clock, c'mon Presley, get your stamina up!
⏰⏰
The Rolling Stones
2/5
Some very nice moments (Love in Vain, Midnight Rambler stand out), but very inconsistent. Country Honk in particular is unnecessary. Teetering between 2 drops of blood or 3, but rounding down, because there's enough material from the Stones already on here.
🩸🩸
Elvis Costello & The Attractions
1/5
Tedious. I feel I aged 20 years just listening to this insipidity.
1 head of gray hair out of 5.
👴
Electric Light Orchestra
2/5
Like a lite version of Meat Loaf. A Tofu Loaf if you will.
Red Hot Chili Peppers
3/5
Some fun, funky songs by a very talented band. The lead singer/rapper wasn't great, but good enough to not derail the whole thing.
I award them 3 tube socks, someone is gonna have to go without.
🧦🧦🧦
The Disposable Heroes Of Hiphoprisy
2/5
I'm all for socially conscious music, but the music part of it has to be good. Some of the production is nice, but this guy's spoken word musings lack the necessary passion and the coherence of message for me to connect to him, and also kinda shallow and repetitive.
I give it 2/5 dollars cause you can't eat money, but you can choke on it, because consumerism is evil and poverty and blah blah blah....
🤑🤑
Le Tigre
4/5
A band that punches way above their weight, great album, giving this 4 TKOs.
🥊🥊🥊🥊
Muddy Waters
3/5
At 64 years young, Muddy Waters is clearly still loving life, chasing pussy, getting into trouble. Really paints a stark contrast to the other senior citizen offerings listed here from the likes of Leonard Cohen, Johnny Cash and Bowie. All I know is, when my time comes, I'd rather go out like Mr. Waters, than all sad and depressed like the former 3.
3 fountains of youth out of 5
⛲⛲⛲
Beach House
1/5
I shoe-gazed so hard, I saw my toes through my unlaced combat boots that I got at a local thrift shop for $650. Or maybe I need new shoes.
Best song: the one with the airy synths.
Worst song: the one with the airy synths.
👟
Judas Priest
2/5
I say, decent for a mid-tempo workout this. Went for a jog, ended up jay-walking during "Breaking the Law". Felt like a real tough nut, I did.
2 bobbys out of 5
👮🏼👮🏼
Yeah Yeah Yeahs
2/5
Yeah, it's kinda chill, the singer giving me some Santigold vibes at the start, but yeah, just doesn't hold yeah attention for the whole thing, yeah know? So yeah, a good listen if yeah in the right mood.
2/5 yeahs
Aphex Twin
2/5
It's ambient music. I'm not sure what made these works worthy of selection over others. Set a nice, if not bland ambience.
2 beeps out of 5 boops
〰️〰️
Fiona Apple
3/5
I appreciate the powerful voice and the virtuostic piano. But damn, sullen girl is an understatement.
3 pouting faces out of 5
😡😡😡
The Magnetic Fields
2/5
Are we really doing this? Yes, we're doing this.. let's go!
1. Absolutely Cuckoo - Lighthearted start, kinda jingly-jangly, but not really getting a love song vibe from this. Hopefully this is just like the prologue.
2. I Don't Believe in the Sun - Kinda depressing, quite a shift from the previous track, but much prettier and a more romantic vibe.
3. All My Little Words - Cheesy. I suppose with an assortment of 69 love songs, there's bound to be some cheese. But this is not good cheese, this is processed cheese left out in the sun too long and even ants don't want to touch it.
4. A Chicken With It's Head Cut Off - Adult contemporary with some country vibes. If you like your love songs with a healthy dose of cliches, this is the one.
5. Reno Dakota - OK, the genre shifts continue. We got a new singer, and a fun country/cabaret kinda vibe. Song was too short though.
6. I Don't Want to Get Over You - I guess depressing breakup songs also fall under the umbrella of "love songs". I'm not sure if this guy is just bad at writing poetry or is just trying to be really tongue in cheek but, damn, the song finished before I could finish my thought.. ok, next one, next one...
7. Come Back From San Francisco - I like the female singer's voice better from this group. Wistful, pretty song.
8. The Luckiest Guy on the Lower East Side - Meh, generic and kinda dated this one. Also cringy lyrics.
9. Let's Pretend We're Bunny Rabbits - Was worried this was gonna be some weird furry fetish thing, but this guy just meant "fuck like rabbits". Fair game.
10. The Cactus Where Your Heart Should Be - The sockets where my eyes should be sit empty, as my eyeballs have rolled too far back into my head.
11. I Think I Need a New Heart - Dude, what is with the wailing? Sounds like a poorly built shed trying not to fall apart during a wind storm.
12. The Book of Love - "The book of love is long is boring" Ah, I see we found the inspiration for this album.
13. Fido, Your Leash is Too Long - This song is kinda neat, but ruined by this guy's blaze vocals.
14. How Fucking Romantic - What the fuck was that?
15. The One You Really Love - I swear I heard this one already. Bring back the female singer please.
16. Punk Love - Uhmm... out of nowhere with this one. But my dudes, you can't just make a sloppy, shitty song and slap the word 'punk' on it and call it a day, that's not how this works.
17. Parades Go By - Song went by, barely noticed it was finished.
18. Boa Constrictor - These lyrics though. Damn. A five year olds idea of a love song.
19 A Pretty Girl Is Like - A violent crime is sublime if you do it right? What the fuck is this guy on about? A pretty girl is not like any of the things you said... hold on.. shit, the song's over.
20. My Sentimental Melody - I like the accordion.
21. Nothing Matters When We're Dancing - OK, I can deal with this one. Throw 69 turds at the wall, some are gonna stick.
22. Sweet-Lovin' Man - I finally realized what this album has been missing this whole time, and this song gave it to me! Cowbell! More cowbell! More cowbell!
23. The Things We Did and Didn't Do - Snooze-fest.
1/3 of the way in, gonna have to take a break here and recharge the ol' batteries.
24. I'm back. 28 seconds of roses weren't long enough to form an opinion.
25. Love Is Like Jazz - Thematically this is reminiscent of "A Pretty Girl is Like" and also "Punk Love". In that they somehow manage to completely miss the mark with ridiculous analogies, insult a genre of music they're woefully incompetent at and embarrass themselves with more lazy songwriting.
26. When My Boy Walks Down the Street - OK cool, a token gay love song, it's alright.
27. Time Enough for Rocking When Were Old - A decent Johnny Cash impersonation.
28. Very Funny - Sounds like something taken out of a Disney movie. Fine I suppose.
29. Grand Canyon - Back on the country western wagon. Predictable and bland.
30. No One Will Ever Love You - Very nice guitar tone on here. Vocals pretty good. Sounds like it could work well for a pre-climax portion of a movie.
31. If You Don't Cry - The genre parade continues with some new-wave type electronica. Real jack-of-all-trades master of none vibes from this band. "If you don't cry, you don't feel it deep enough", I hear ya sister!
32. You're My Only Home - If the kid who always slept in class being forced to read from the class novel in 5th grade English class had a sound...
33. Crazy for You But Not That Crazy - BARF
34. My Only Friend - Now THIS is a love song. Why dilute a gem like this, with so much shit?
35. Promises of Eternity - After a very decent song, we get back into the slog. A microcosm of this entire 1001 album project. And yet, we soldier on, in search of the next rose growing out of a pile of manure.
36. World Love - I guess they incorporated a generic "world music" type beat to round out the genre hodgepodge. Lame.
37. Washington, D.C. - Every city has a song that immortalizes it. Don't know if Washington, D.C. has one, but this certainly ain't it.
38. Long-Forgotten Fairytale - I tuned it out. Forgive me. We're 38 songs deep here. I'm trying.
39. Kiss Me Like You Mean It - Sounds like she's singing to Jesus. I'll take a kiss from Jesus. But he better mean it.
40. Papa Was a Rodeo - Faux Johnny Cash is back. I'd rather have the real thing, thank you very much.
41. Epitaph for My Heart - Exactly the kind of lyrics you would expect from someone who thinks a love song album consisting of 69 disjointed, unfinished songs is a good idea.
42. Asleep and Dreaming - Nice, a lullaby. It almost worked too.
43. The Sun Goes Down and the World Goes Dancing - Lazy, lazy electro-pop.
44. The Way You Say Good-Night - This is one for the B-sides compilation guys.
45. Abigail, Belle of Kilronan - Holy smokes, headphone alert!!! The panning on here is really painful to listen to. You've been warned.
46. I Shatter - An attempt at a Kraftwerk type of love song this time? Find something you're good at and stick to that boys.
47. Underwear - Eeeh.. could have been something.. worthwhile, just sounds unfinished and unpolished, like much of this collection.
48. It's a Crime - The electronic bend continues. Maybe these songs should have been arranged by genre. Anyway, I've already put in more effort into this review than these guys did into writing this song.
49. Busby Berkeley Dreams - Not bad. If you do decide to run the gauntlet on this album, this track is one of a few worth your time.
50. I'm Sorry I Love You - Nice guitar riff to start, but it lacks a much needed change up or some sort of variation. All these songs are just so one-dimensional.
51. Acoustic Guitar - Y'all are really running out of ideas huh?
52. The Death of Ferdinand de Saussure - He'll be missed I'm sure. "I don't know anything about love". 52 love songs in, this is the most honest thing you've said.
53. Love in the Shadows - Another one I tuned out.
54. Bitter Tears - Generic country is back on the menu.
55. Wi' Nae Wee Bairn Ye'll Me Beget - When I saw the title, it had me worried, and my instinct was right. After murdering punk, jazz, electronica, krautrock, and country, these maniacs set their sights on more obscure victims, this time being Irish folk. R.I.P. Irish folk.
56. Yeah! Oh, Yeah! - Very, very bad song. Like one of the worst so far. And that's saying something.
57. Experimental Music Love - Yep, this is what phoning it in sounds like.
58. Meaningless - These guys are having as hard a time finishing making this album as I am finishing listening to it. Hang in there guys, we're in the home stretch.
59. Love is Like a Bottle of Gin - Oh, so it's not like jazz anymore? Or is it both? It's like a bottle of gin and jazz? Maybe a lit cigar too? Leonard Cohen called, he wants his corny shtick back.
60. Queen of the Savages - This is just filler to get to 69, isn't it? Y'all must have really been regretting this idea by this point. But you can't stop now. I can't stop now. What's next?
61. Blue You - This is probably the groups best sound. If they stick to just this aesthetic, there'd be a decent album underneath all this.
62. I Can't Touch You Anymore - Another one-note song. Would it kill y'all to write some melodic variations once in a while?
63. Two Kinds of People - A mercifully brief psalm.
64. How to Say Goodbye - I wonder if they play all 69 songs live at their concerts. I wonder if the singer's monotonous voice is his way of conserving his stamina to go 69 songs deep. Ahh fuck it, who cares? Not the singer of this song, that's for sure.
65. The Night You Can't Remember - OK, kind of a clever concept for a song. Or a pub shanty. Whatever, the song works, the singer sucks. Let's move on.
66. For We Are the King of the Boudoir - It's the royal we, you see.
67. Strange Eyes - I wonder how many people made it this far.
68. Xylophone Track - No self-respecting collection of love songs should be without at least one track, highlighting the most romantic instruments of them all. Although I'm not sure I can even hear the xylophone on here. The mental image of the singer playing his rib-cage like a xylophone partially makes up for it.
69. Zebra - Here it is, the final song. The finish line. Should I have been expecting this to be some redeeming finale, a reward for having endured this herculean endeavor? No, we end the same way the album has been going all along, with a solid, emphatic, "meh"!
These guys clearly decided to try and achieve fame by way of quantity over quality. Is there a good collection of love songs in here? Yes, there is. Are there 69 songs worth? Most certainly not. Would an album of say 13 of the best of these songs earn these guys any notoriety? Most likely not. As for me, I'll chalk this up to a worthy but misguided attempt, and award myself two ice cubes, not to cool down my loins, but my wrists, much needed after typing up this summary and hopefully avoiding carpo-tunnel in the process.
🧊🧊
Leonard Cohen
3/5
Really didn't like the first two LC albums I got, but this one was surprisingly not that bad. The band in particular were very solid. Unfortunately the quality of the recording left a lot to be desired.
3 stakes ablaze out of 5
🔥🔥🔥
Peter Tosh
4/5
Outlawing a plant that grows freely in nature is an absurd and outdated concept.
Legalize it.
🌿 🌿 🌿 🌿
Sonic Youth
3/5
Someone on RYM described this band perfectly as "masters of finely sculpted cacophony." But these masters have better masterpieces.
Bob Marley & The Wailers
5/5
The zenith of a brilliant career. While any number of Bob Marley's albums could stake a claim as his best, the artistic heights achieved here (Natural Mystic, Three Little Birds), supported by a number of talented musicians also at their best, combined with the accessibility brought by some of his biggest hits (Jammin', One Love), and his usual strong political messaging (Exodus, Guiltiness), culminate in what is in my opinion one of the most epic and complete albums ever made.
5 heavenly trumpets out of 5
🎺🎺🎺🎺🎺
The Smashing Pumpkins
3/5
Some bangers, but also a bit too long and bloated. Cello tinged crescendos are rather majestic though.
🎃🎃🎃
Willie Colón & Rubén Blades
4/5
Colon & Blades sounds like the name of a terrible gastrointestinal surgeon clinic in English, but in Spanish, it's the recipe for some amazing music.
I award this album 4 dancing babies.
Nitin Sawhney
1/5
Another confusing entry from the editors. Here we have some Indian pop songs that have been watered down heavily with bland new age electronica. The samples the artist uses aren't bad at all, and it's an ok attempt at cross-cultural fusion, but at best this is suited as background music at one of those trendy chains that sell 100 varieties of not so freshly roasted coffee beans and overpriced little spice packets for suburban moms who want to experiment with a little ethnic cooking. It does not however, belong on any list attempting to curate an assortment of music that could even remotely be consider essential listening.
1 hard pass.
🙅
The Go-Go's
2/5
They really 'beat' you over the head with the repetitiveness of these melodies.
2 advils out of 5
💊 💊
Pet Shop Boys
2/5
Not much to say about this bore. I award it two ears. One for where the music went in, and one for where it went out.
👂👂
Tom Waits
1/5
While I like and appreciate Tom Waits in general, I have to remain consistent in my review system on the generator. I am principally opposed to having multiple albums by the same artist on a list such as this, especially when the artist does not undergo significant stylistic changes between albums. Of course, there are some artists who are worthy of more than one inclusion, and Mr. Waits could certainly fall into that category as well, but 5 albums from the man is entirely too much.
This is one of the five works that should have been cut. It's not a bad album per se, but his shtick of posturing as a drunken slob is over done and gets tired by the middle part of the album.
Speaking of shticks and posturing, I recommend replacing this album with At Home With Screamin' Jay Hawkins, who is a magnificent blues singer, and much like Tom Waits has a penchant for portraying himself as an over-the-top dramatic degenerate. Screamin' Jay also has an excellent cover of the title song from here, but being Tom's senior by several decades, he is also clearly influential to the former.
Sorry Tom, one skull out of five.
💀
PJ Harvey
2/5
At almost 300 albums I'm starting to feel the well of musical discovery running dry (not unlike the well between PJ Harveys legs). A lot of these albums from the same repeat artists feel like sitting down to watch reruns. Of course that's hardly PJ's fault, nor is it her fault that sucking cock doesn't make her wet. Is that really worth making a song about though? Almost makes me wanna put on W.A.P. just to balance things out. I said almost..
Anyway, what can I say about this forceful flourish of feminine frustration? There are some very interesting arrangements of course, but PJ's delivery leaves me underwhelmed. Most importantly, the album is missing that one great song that might really pull me in.
I acknowledge PJ's art, and award her two man-sized leather boots. May she use them to stomp out patriarchy, or for tap dancing to the sound of her excellent band.
👢👢
Ella Fitzgerald
3/5
Ella's voice is fantastic, the sound quality on the recording is seriously impressive considering the time period, and the songs are well composed and varied.
To be honest, it's a lot to take in at once, especially for a modern listener, but for someone approaching this project from an academic/historic perspective, this record is a must.
"Slap That Bass" was my favorite here.
Three potatoes, or is it potatohs out of 5.
🥔🥔🥔
Nanci Griffith
2/5
Is this the chick that tried to steal Homer away from Marge?
It's worth it to read up on Woolworth's and Five & Dime while listening to this to give it some grounding, as the music on it's own isn't that interesting.
https://la.eater.com/2018/4/11/17225594/woolworth-bakersfield-luncheonette-history-antique-mall-open
Two artery clogging cheeseburgers out of five. Mmmm... cheeeeeseeebuuuurgeerrr... agghhh...
🍔🍔
The White Stripes
3/5
Pretentious but fun pop-rock. "In the Cold, Cold Night" was a good song. 3 lollypops out of 5.
🍭🍭🍭
Simon & Garfunkel
2/5
Punky's Dilemma and Mrs. Robinson are worthwhile listens, the rest I could do without.
Belle & Sebastian
2/5
The dynamic duo of Belle & Sebastian! Battling the sinister Dr. Insomnia weekly, the villain who tries to keep the world from sleeping. They're not the superheroes we deserve, but sometimes we just need a sound night of sleep, and when that's the case, call the dynamic duo, and allow them to tuck you in. Dr. Insomnia, you have been vanquished once again!
Two REM waves out of five.
💤💤
Cornershop
3/5
Wow.. who woulda thought that brit-pop indie DOESN'T have to sound like wimpy, whiny, washed out in synths, pretentious wankery. I give these guys credit for some well placed folk and Indian elements in their music, and an overall ambitious and diverse approach. Unfortunately the album is a bit too unpolished and the songwriting doesn't quite have the maturity to garner a higher rating, but today I was very pleased with the generator. Very very pleased.
For those wondering what "Brimful of Asha" means, here is an excellent write-up. https://www.cornershop.com/2012/01/brimful-explained
3 45's out of 5
🎥🎥🎥
Green Day
4/5
Most teenage angst driven albums tend to burn out pretty quick, on top of being shallow and cliched. Not dookie though. Besides stuffing this thing with bangers, without overextending the runtime, GD manage to pull off a rare triumph of a fun energetic and listenable pop-punk album!
4 slices of pizza, for the reminding me of my teenage years.
🍕🍕🍕🍕
Bob Dylan
4/5
Not much to say beyond what has already been said. Classic Bob, the best of his surreal imagery, solid backing band and vivid storytelling.
🂻🂻🂻🂻
De La Soul
3/5
This is a certified classic of the genre, but it is bloated with too much unnecessary skits and just plain awful songs. I think the sample usage was revolutionary for it's day, but I prefer less recognizable, more deep cut samples personally. Still, plenty of fantastic music.
🦶🦶🦶
Jeff Beck
2/5
An album of I think mostly covers. They're well done, good guitar work, but this is more of a historical interest as far as evolution of rock music.
Santana
3/5
Clearly inspired by Bitches Brew, Santana takes us on a short druggy trip infused with Latin rhythms. It's a shame that there are so many artists in the 60's and 70's who were making this kind of psychedelic Latin rock (Los Jaivas come to mind), in many cases much better, but never achieved the same cross-over success.
Still good for what it is, and a very nice cover. 3 crystal balls out of 5.
🔮🔮🔮
Pet Shop Boys
1/5
Pet Shop Boys AGAIN??? "What Have I Done To Deserve This" as well as the guy on the right sum up my feeling perfectly here.
🥱
Creedence Clearwater Revival
2/5
It was OK, songs are kinda samey. Didn't peak my interest.
Yes
2/5
Clap was the only song that stood out to me, everything else was just too ordinary.
Two rounds of applause out of five.
👏👏
Little Richard
4/5
I got a gal, named Sue...
Sure you do!
I got a gal, named Daisy...
Stop talking crazy!
Despite his obviosuly false claims of prolific womanizing, Lil' Rich knocks out a fabulous collection of fun, groovy songs. I'd surely be blasting this if I was alive in 1957. And to think of how amazing his music could have
been if he wasn't bound by the puritanical chains of his era.
I award Mr. Richard what he's really after, 4 big, long, hard eggplants.
🍆🍆🍆🍆
Cyndi Lauper
3/5
Boys wanna have fun too! This boy had a moderate but not an extreme amount of fun listening to these 80's gems.
💎💎💎
Beastie Boys
4/5
A rare example of a hip-hop album that works better as a whole, rather than having stand-out hits that are often diluted with filler.
Great synergy too!
Donald Fagen
1/5
This is one of those rare albums, where the music is so bland that I would rather eat the CD than listen to it again. I'm sure the plastic crunching between my teeth will sound better too.
I give this the only possible score it can get, one slice of plain white bread out of 5.
🍞
T. Rex
3/5
Never heard T. Rex before, but quite enjoyed this. "The Slider" was great, but plenty of other good songs too.
🦖🦖🦖
The Zombies
2/5
Started off really bad, but picked up towards the latter half, and finished on their one big hit, so this is certainly one that requires some patience.
I give it two blunts out of five.
🚬🚬
Marvin Gaye
5/5
A beautifully arranged and produced album with a powerful message that unfortunately never seizes to be relevant despite being over 50 years old. The way Marvin harmonizes with his own voice on the layered vocals is sublime and I've yet to hear another artist being able to do it in the way he does here.
I give it 5 broken unsynchronized clocks, because it is timeless!
🕣🕜🕛🕖🕐
Elton John
2/5
On here Elton tries really really hard to make his accent sound American, with over the top theatrics and exaggerated attempts at evoking nostalgia and cinematic grandiosity.
In the words of Lisa Simpson, the whole thing smacks of effort, man!
If I were awarding this work for authenticity, it would get a 0, but for being an inoffensive though try-hard assortment of songs, some of which (Madman, Sunset) do shine, I award it 2 gleeful madmen.
🤪🤪
The Who
2/5
I listened. Who's next?
❓❓
Talk Talk
4/5
Sadly I really wasn't in the mood for what this album brought the first time I got, but I'm glad I decided to come back to it. It's a bit of a grower this one, but well worth the effort. The instrumentation and orchestration were what won me over in the end.
🦎🦎🦎🦎
Brian Eno
2/5
A perfect example of why Brian Eno is best known as a producer. The tracks have interesting compositions and nice melodies, but his singing voice sounds like a koala on qualudes.
🐨🐨
Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds
3/5
Not terrible for a Nick Cave album. What the absurd excess of Nick Cave albums on this list has taught me, is that Nick Cave spans the range from awful and generic to not so bad after all.
3 lyres out of 5
𓏢𓏢𓏢
Minutemen
4/5
Finally the list gets something right. This album might be all over the place, but the pacing works because of how frantic and disjointed the very nature of the music is.
Anthrax
3/5
My blood pressure went up, my ear drums started bleeding, I had whiplash from headbanging too hard, and my erection still won't subside after 6 hours.
3 doctor visits out of 5.
👩⚕️👩⚕️👩⚕️
Elliott Smith
2/5
What happens when you fail to outgrow your angsty teenager phase.
2 tear drops, but not for the reasons you think.
😢😢
Radiohead
2/5
The 4th attempt by the generator to turn be on to Radiohead. The first 3 made inroads with the occasional decent song, but ultimately failed unspectacularly.
There are really creative instrumentals on this album. National Anthem in particular was cool with it's modern jazz vibes. But Thom Yorke's voice ruins everything. Just the anticipation of his whiny modulated moans coming in every time I start getting into a good beat or melody fills me with dread and revulsion.
Go suck a lemon Yorke. Go suck two.
🍋🍋
Christina Aguilera
2/5
A bit too formulaic for my taste, but Dirty is a certified banger, and the Redman appearance doesn't hurt.
2 stripper poles out of 5
Cat Stevens
2/5
I guess the talent is there, but the whole thing leaves my emotionally empty.
Two hard headed women out of five.
Kendrick Lamar
5/5
The album is not without it's shortcomings, but the highs are high enough, as is the overall listening experience from start to finish, to offset any misguided moments.
🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋
Meat Puppets
4/5
The variety on display here is really intriguing, as is the range of quality. How good would this have been with a decent production team behind it?
Giving this 4 slabs of meat, mainly because I really want to come back to this.
🥩🥩🥩🥩
Youssou N'Dour
3/5
From RYM
Mbalax is a popular genre of Wolof Music that was developed in Senegal in the 1970s. It was rooted in njuup, a Serer ritual tradition. In addition, it incorporated influences from Cuban, Congolese and American popular musics, and soon became the predominant style in Senegal and the neighbouring Gambia. In the following decades it has grown to be one of the most popular styles of West African Music, aided by the global popularity of Youssou N'Dour (leader of Étoile de Dakar and later Super Étoile de Dakar) and Thione Seck (ex-member of Orchestra Baobab and leader of Raam Daan), as well as a younger generation of successful artists such as Alioune Kassé and Alioune Mbaye Nder. The group Super Diamono, featuring Ismaël Lô, also played a significant role in the development and popularization of the genre. Mbalax is traditionally characterised by the rhythms played on sabar drums, although this traditional drum is occasionally replaced by a trap set or even a drum machine. In the 1990s, a keyboard-driven style of mbalax dubbed "marimbalax" was pioneered by the band Lemzo Diamono.
The Pharcyde
3/5
Can't fault anyone for having as much fun as these guys are! And plenty of bangers and top notch samples too.
3 party hats out of 5.
🎉🎉🎉
The Jam
2/5
Is it good music? Yes
Is it exceptional? No
Do I need alcohol to enjoy this? Almost certainly
🍺🍺
Hüsker Dü
3/5
Husker Du (without the dots over the u) seems to mean "do you remember?" in Danish or Norwegian. This is the most interesting thing I have to say about this band. The album was a monster, but the music was solid.
Ja, det gjør jeg, jeg husker det.
🇩🇰🇳🇴🇬🇱
4/5
I like John Zorn, but why this album? Why not Naked City or Bar Kokhba?
Anyway, it was delightfully chaotic and pleasantly unpredictable. "Good Old Days", "Enfant", the playful "Ecars", the romping "Feet Music" and the epic finale of "Mob Job" are my favs here.
4 Oh's out of 5 Yeah's
Wu-Tang Clan
4/5
For the children....
Barry Adamson
3/5
Liked the instrumental jazz parts, but not much else. As a complete work it's kinda lacking too, but I'll still give it 3 swollen feet out of 5.
🦶🦶🦶
Sisters Of Mercy
2/5
Just what I've been looking for, a mid tear goth concept album about flooding.
2 Noah's arks out of 5
⛵⛵
Belle & Sebastian
1/5
More like kitten milk. This cotton soft woe-is-me brand of hipster wimpiness does nothing but irritate me. Go purr yourselves.
😾
Ravi Shankar
5/5
Come for the great tunes, stay for the music theory lesson!
✒️✒️✒️✒️✒️
Isaac Hayes
4/5
1. Reservoir Dogs by Jay-Z +79 more.
2. Bag Lady by Erykah Badu +23 more.
3. The Sounds of Science by Beastie Boys +16 more.
4. Easy Days by Pointer Sisters +37 more.
5. The Great Expedition by The Eight +1 more.
6. ∅
7. Même Les Meufs Escroquent by X-Men +1 more.
8. ∅
9. Loop Exec by Flying Lotus +3 more.
10. ∅
11. Soulja's Story by 2Pac +25 more.
12. ∅
13. Rollercoaster by October London
14. Smooth Operator by Big Daddy Kane +33 more.
15. ∅
Above is a list of just some of the songs that pulled samples from the various tracks on this album. In other words, a crate diggers gold mine!
4 giant bags of royalty checks out of 5.
💰💰💰💰
The La's
1/5
This guy has the voice of a dirty dish rag and the charisma of a squished gnat.
🦟
Buddy Holly & The Crickets
2/5
The epitome of formulaic music isn't it? And don't give me it's 1957, Gabe Vincent made better rockabilly in the same year.
Two math textbooks out of five.
📔📔
Iggy Pop
3/5
Iggy's lust for life seemed to wane as the album went on, as did my enthusiasm.
Three downward trends out of five
📉📉📉
Björk
1/5
Too many Bjorrrrk albums on herrrre. This isn't one of the betterrrrr ones.
🏴☠️
Dinosaur Jr.
4/5
Crunchy guitars and feedback and relentless drumming and all the shit I like.
🎸🎸🎸🎸
Dire Straits
1/5
Rare that an album has this many skips. The whole thing sounds cheap, like a band of middle aged dads that would play your local watering hole during Sunday happy hour in exchange for a few free beers.
I give em 1.
🍺
Wire
4/5
Fantastic discovery! Probably one of the best produced, thoughtful and artistic punk albums I've ever heard, certainly from the 1st wave.
Well done generator, well done...
Ash
2/5
Never heard of this band before. Was drawn in my the heavy guitars, but the singer whining about his failed love life or whatever was a real turn off.
Two broken hearts out of five
💔💔
Circle Jerks
2/5
At 15 minutes long, an argument could be made that it's more of an LP than an album. I understand that punk songs should be short and sweet, but I guess I just wanted to savor the circle jerk a little longer.
2 bottles of lube out of 5
🧴🧴
The Strokes
2/5
Album title sums up my thoughts here. My commute finished before the album did, but I doubt I missed anything by not listening to the end, cause you know... generic, samey songs and all.
Two telescopes so they might uncover a new sound.
🔭🔭
The Dictators
1/5
The music's just not very good nor particularly original. The band name and aesthetic reminds me of that Sasha Baron Cohen movie, and honestly, they bring to music what he does to the art of cinematography.
One mankini out of five
🩱
The Smiths
1/5
\"Oh FUCK! Not this shit again!\" Was my thought when I saw ANOTHER album by the Smiths pop up today.
Song number 5 is called \"Stop me if you think that you've heard this one before\", so I did.
I award this 1 spoiled, unfinished cake.
🥮
The Jam
2/5
I'm running out of things to say about all these generic albums.
Two prolonged sighs out of five.
OutKast
4/5
A monumental work, a unique concept ahead of it's time (as with everything Outkast did), a smattering of iconic tracks, bangers, deep cuts and future classics.
Bee Gees
1/5
Thought I liked the Bee Gees, but this album did a great job at changing that. Honestly, what the fuck? First time on the generator an album actually lessened my opinion of an artist.
Somebody stop the music indeed.
⏹️
Creedence Clearwater Revival
3/5
Fake southern accents and the whole Bayou schtick aside, there are some nice, cool, atmosheric songs on here. That, plus it's an album that gave us Proud Mary.
Givin it that 3 ol timey steam boats outta 5 y'all..
Amy Winehouse
3/5
Knew the big hits from Amy before this, but the other songs on this album are quite good too. Major props to the producers and the Dap Kings.
3 elegant martinis out of 5
🍸🍸🍸
John Mayall & The Bluesbreakers
1/5
Blues, but waaay watered down. The cover of "What'd I Say" was the weakest, most limp dicked shit I've ever heard.
Since they like blues so much, I award them one, much needed blue pill.
💊
The Soft Boys
3/5
Between the group name, album cover, title and wiki description, this album did ont inspire any confidence. But surprisingly, the music was not at all bad and actually managed to get better as it went along. Goes to show how appearances can be misleading.
3 pairs of deceptive masks out of 5
🎭🎭🎭
George Michael
2/5
Wham! better. I'll die on this hill.
🌟🌟
Fleetwood Mac
2/5
I guess there was bound to be some token adult contemporary on the list. For what it's worth, the musicianship is good, but man was I bored to tears.
Two tears.
😢😢
New Order
2/5
The order of the day is a mellow, wisful and not entirely unpleasant 9 course meal. Synths for appetizers, synths for the entree, and for desert, you guessed it.. more synths.
Two menus out of five.
📖📖
The Fall
4/5
I dug it. I dug alls of it.
4 new houses out of 5
🏠🏠🏠🏠
Bruce Springsteen
1/5
The musical equivalent of a root canal, complete with a voice that sounds like a dentists drill.
🦷
Mike Ladd
2/5
What an odd pick for the list. Good beats, but Ladds flows aren't exactly awe-inspiring. Should just have Company Flow on here instead, or better yet, RTJ!
👉🤛
5/5
Fuck you! This is the high society, this is the real high society!!!
🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕
Megadeth
2/5
Stan Getz
3/5
Like being gently caressed by a warm spring breeze, while bathed in gentle sunlight.
Recommend by 3/5 physicians for lowering your blood pressure.
👩⚕️👩⚕️👩⚕️
KISS
1/5
If ever there was a band that relied on gimmicks and the flamboyancy of their live performances, it is KISS. So here I am, raised on the music several decades removed from these monochromatic maniacs, trying my best to unearth any signs that would validate the inclusion of this album on this list.
I guess the question comes down to, are stage theatrics and live performances that accompany an album, a valid part of how that album should be appraised. Since I'm undecided on the answer, I'll split the difference and blow two half-hearted kisses in the general direction of these attention starved mascots.
😘😘
STOP... time out...
YouTube autoplay just threw a wrench in to the works. Here I am seconds away from giving TWO STARS to a goddam KISS album, when the YT algorithm serves me a Motorhead song to remind me what 70's metal is supposed to sound like. Fuck that was close...
Praise the algorithm once again! Perspective is everything!
Stevie Wonder
4/5
Stevie Wonder is the only artist who can pull off naming his album "Songs In The Key Of Life" and not have it come off as pretentious or cheezy. A masterpiece for all time.
🎼🎼🎼🎼
Curtis Mayfield
5/5
With a voice smoother than a baby dolphin's belly, orchestration that's subtle enough to not be overbearing, but still unmistakable in it's distinct sound, Curtis Mayfield manages to craft an album that is both timeless, and distinctly of it's time.
CM could sing the phone book here, and it would be a masterpiece.
He could sing 5.
📙📙📙📙📙
Robbie Williams
1/5
No matter how bad an album may be, there's bound to be a scenario where it could serve some purpose. The CIA used Springsteen for torture music, Backstreet Boys could be serviceable work-out music in a pinch, and even a shitty band like Coldplay could seamlessly fade to the background of a shopping mall's ambience. But THIS. I can't think of any viable scenario where this would be of any use to anyone whatsoever. If for some reason you still have some old AOL discs hanging around, take them along with this Robbie Williams mess, and hang 'em up in your background to scare crows away.
🐦⬛
Talking Heads
4/5
After the first TH album left me underwhelmed, this was a pleasant surprise. Although they bite P-Funk quite egregiously, the grooves are legit, no faking the funk here. A charismatic lead singer would put this over the top, but alas, we can't always have it all.
4 talking heads out of 5, mostly for the consistency of the songs.
👹👹
👹👹
Madonna
1/5
Just what I always wanted, an electro-country album from THE material girl trying to act like she rejects materialism.
Despite the production team's best efforts at making a solid and interesting accompaniment to the music, Madonna manages to completely stink up the joint. This has all the worst aspects of that bland, saccharine techno that in many ways seemed to define Y2K.
It's a shame, because Madonna does have good songs, but none of them are on here.
I disappointed parent out of 5
😞
Prince
4/5
So epic. Prince can do it all. Sure he sometimes misses, but you wouldn't know it from this album.
Four lady cab drivers out of five.
🚕🚕🚕🚕
Dire Straits
2/5
This is not terrible, but just go to the source and put Django Reinhardt on the list.
2 imposters out of 5
🥸🥸
Fats Domino
3/5
Puts the 'roll' into 'rock 'n' roll'.
🁋
4/5
The infamous queer glam pop masterpiece on which Bowie out-Eltons the John.
🕷️🕷️🕷️🕷️
Fun Lovin' Criminals
2/5
Despite the weak lyricsm, there are some fun instrumentals, and the overall vibe is pretty chill. Think late afternoon summer BBQ music.
🍖🍖
Nas
5/5
Fun fact, Nas' father Olu Dara plays cornet on "Life's a Bitch", they would later go on to collaborate on another hit "Bridging the Gap".
🎺🎺🎺🎺🎺
Steely Dan
2/5
Less singing more guitars than the previous Steely Dan album I got makes this the less sucky Steely Dan album of the two.
🥨🥨
Bauhaus
3/5
Some serious powerhouse songs to kick this off, too bad they couldn't sustain the momentum.
🐶🐶🐶
UB40
3/5
Not too bad at all. Started off very strong with the first track, then cooled off a bit due to lack of variety. The sax player in particular needs to learn some different riffs.
3 glasses of red red wine out of 5
🍷🍷🍷
Pulp
2/5
Ughhh... ugh.. aghh...
This sucks. But it's infinitely better than the first Pulp album I got, which is a testament to how bad the music they make can actually be. When they do hit upon a good melody, they drag it out for way longer than it deserves.
The most recluctant two I've given yet.
😣😣
Kanye West
2/5
Kanye is a solid producer, although when you use super famous samples, and don't alter them much, you can't count yourself among the greats.
He is an ok rapper, but has some seriously cringy lines.
He is a horrible singer, and his hooks are annoying.
The features are the best parts here.
2 monsters out of 5
👹👹
The Who
1/5
What the hell did I just listen to, and why the hell did I Iisten to it?
⁉️
Louis Prima
3/5
Makes me wanna throw my dame up in the air, and swing, jive and wail the night away.
👄👄👄
Adele
2/5
The singles hit hard,
The rest is filler,
At best this album,
Is a boredom killer.
Dirty Projectors
2/5
What do the orcas have to be bitter about? Is it that dolphins are more popular? Go, orca, go!
Blondie
3/5
Although this isn't something I'd listen to willingly, I can respect what they did here. The variety of musical ideas on display is impressive too.
This is what Abba would have sounded like had they been capable of making good music.
🐱🐱🐱
Jimmy Smith
4/5
A rare instance where, while listening to this during my commute to work,I wanted neither the album nor the commute to finish.
🐓🐓🐓🐓
Peter Gabriel
2/5
The musical ideas are there, but the execution isn't.
Bad Company
1/5
More like BlAnD COMPANY
🍞
Adele
1/5
I put off listening to this, because 2 Adele albums in a week is a bit much, but it turns out 2 Adele albums in one month is a bit much too.
Million Years Ago could have been a good song, if only she kept the mellow mood from the start, and refrained from bursting into the obligatory crescendo, like she does on. Every. Single. Song.
1 song formula = 1 star
Goodnight from the other side
2/5
‘I used to be cruel to my woman, I beat her and kept her apart from the things that she loved’
But hey! It's getting better you see, better all the time!
Anyway, Beatles make poppy music, they beat you over the head with it, they pop you in the mouth with it, and you'll come back to it, cause you like the abuse, don't you? Don't you? You dirty little whore!
Two pops to the nose out of five
🥊🥊
The Kinks
1/5
I like The Kinks, but this work just doesn't merit inclusion, when they have much better albums. A swing and a miss with this one.
Brian Eno
3/5
I think I'm starting to warm up to this Brian Eno character. Though most of the music here is the polar opposite of what most would consider "cool", there is still something there. Something just unique and quirky enough, something that warrants an equally quirky drink.
Three Moscow Mules served in a boot.
👢👢👢
The Police
1/5
The poster child for the salvation army dollar record bin.
Any positives this album might have had, were instantly erased with that painful attempt at reggae.
1 bee sting out of 5
🐝
Van Morrison
2/5
90 minutes of a really good blues/jazz band being yelled over by a stuttering imbecile.
OK, that was a bit harsh, but the degree to which this album is so incredibly NOT essential listening brought out the worst in me.
2 zippers to zip Van's mouth and just let the goddamn band play.
🤐🤐
Spiritualized
2/5
Sleep inducing but in a pleasant way. Would work miracles on a long haul flight with some noise cancelling headphones.
🎧🎧
2/5
Not the limp-dicked whinefest I feared this was going to be. So for exceeding my exceedingly low expectations, I award them two participation trophies.
🏆🏆
CHVRCHES
1/5
Tries to be poppy without being catchy, tries to be experimental without pushing the envelopes. In other words, it doesn't know what it's trying to be, and it still fails at it.
Good night.
🦴
Ray Charles
3/5
Oozing humanity and positive vibes, while keeping the themes simple and straight forward.
Artists today could benefit from going back to the basics, instead of trying to reinvent the wheel.
3 textbooks out of 5
📖📖📖
Sufjan Stevens
2/5
Makes Illinois sound like the whimsicallest place in the world. Somehow, I doubt it is.
The B-52's
2/5
Hey b-52's, leave some staccato for the rest of us!
🦞🦞
Jamiroquai
2/5
Poor man's Stevie Wonder, but let's be honest, there are worse artists out there to bite.
Two copy cats out of five.
🐱🐱
Flamin' Groovies
2/5
Sounds like a cover or tribute band that hasn't quite found their sound yet. Fitting that the covers on the bonus disc are the best songs here. Anyway, there are some good songs, but not a complete album. There's just that bit of originality missing.
Two donut holes out of five.
🍩🍩
Air
2/5
A soundtrack that sounds very muck like a sountrack. Makes me want to watch the movie, but not necessarily listen to the whole album again.
Two movie reels out five.
📽️📽️
Madness
2/5
One sing-a-long after another. I think the kindergarten listener demographic is sufficiently accounted for with this album.
2 juice boxes out of 5
🧃🧃
Metallica
4/5
Deerhunter
2/5
Halcyon - denoting a period of time in the past that was idyllically happy and peaceful.
If nothing else, thank you Deerhunter for expanding my vocabulary, best of luck in your spooring endeavours.
2 lexicomane dictionaries out of 5
📙📙
Elis Regina
4/5
A varied and interesting album, dynamic rhythm changes, playful melodies, and a very clear influence on modern samba artists.
4 carnivals out of 5
💃💃💃💃
Taylor Swift
1/5
"Shake it Off" is great to play when your wet dog comes in from the rain. But the album on the whole is about as timeless and perseverant as 1989's horoscope.
🌌
Ice Cube
2/5
Oh Ice Cube, what would my drink be without you?
2 royalty checks made out to George Clinton out of 5
💵💵
The Specials
2/5
I like The Specials, but I didn't need more Specials on here. Somehow, makes them seem less special too.
2 rich girls out of 5
👩👩
Slade
1/5
Couldn't get past the low quality. Feels like a cheaper version of every generic 70's rock radio trope combined into one.
1 "no thank you" out of 5
🚫
The The
3/5
Surprised me, as the the other album I got by them them was a dud. Now, if only they could only dig up an actual band name, we might get somewhere.
3 pick axes out of 5
⛏⛏⛏
Klaxons
3/5
Interesting, never heard of this band before, but dug the chaotic vibes. Kinda like an early black midi.
XTC
2/5
I was really annoyed by this album. I'll acknowledge their uniqueness and creativity, but I could rest in peace without having to hear XTC ever again.
I can certainly leave this musty sack of moldy, wrinkly potatoes behind.
🥔
Justice
3/5
Good strutting music. One always needs a fitting soundtrack to accompany a good strut, and this fits the bill.
3 confidence boosters out of 5
😎😎😎
Fairport Convention
2/5
Matty Groves was an excellent song, especially the psychedelic jam to close it out. The rest of the album was a little too Renaissance fair for me.
2 quill pens out of 5, for writing bards and tales of yore.
🪶🪶
Bill Evans Trio
5/5
Complex and cerebral. Beautiful in it's simplicity. Always something new to discover even after multiple listens.
5 cool autumn afternoon breezes out of 5
🍂🍂🍂🍂🍂
Ryan Adams
2/5
I never heard of Ryan Adams, but according to the reviews on here, he's not a very nice fellow. Whatever, I don't have any desire or time to read up on him. His music was a competent but unexceptional immitation of some classic blues and americana singer-songwriter ballads from the 50's and 60's.
2 yawns out of 5
🥱🥱
Van Morrison
1/5
Enough Van Morrison already. I'm gonna instead review an album from an artist that deserves this spot much more, and has a similar sounding name - Ennio Morricone.
For my chosen album I'll go with Once Upon a Time in the West (C'Era Una Volta Il West) from 1968. Morricone's compositions shift between wistful and mellow to playful to intense and sometimes downright evil, conjuring up a wide array of emotions and atmospheres, that are equally as evocative without the cinematic images they were meant to accompany.
There is another common thread here. Both Morrison and Morricone are Europeans producing work inspired heavily by America, but only one of them manages push past inspiration into actual innovation.
As for Moondance, I award it one lasso for Van to go and play cowboy pretend.
𓍯
Neil Young
1/5
Sounds like the precursor to every generic modern country and easy listening artist ever. Thanks Neil, thank you for ruining music.
🖕
Echo And The Bunnymen
2/5
Indeed Echo sings like someone shoved a porcupine up his ass. The Bunnymen (barf!) hold up their side of the bargain with reasonable musicianship .
🐰🐰
Elvis Costello
1/5
"My Aim is True" is what I always say to myself when I manage to hit the toilet bowl dead center despite being drunk out of my mind. And wouldn't you believe it, listening to this album feels like an inebriated Elvis Costello is wizzing into my ear from a meter away, with impeccable aim. Impressive as it may be, watersports aren't really my cup of tea, so Elvis, go make yourself useful and urinate on some forest fires or something, leave people's ears be.
One toilet bowl out of five
🚽
Public Enemy
1/5
It has now been 5 days in a row that the generator has given me an album from an over-represented artist (3+ albums on a list when 1 at most should be satisfactory).
Of course, the history of hip hop, the history of modern music even can not be told without mentioning Public Enemy, but in mentioning them, do we really need to mention this past their prime release where they demonstrate just how quickly they ran out of fresh ideas, and just how reliant they are on a sound that is best exhibited in their earler works anyway?
One glass of expired milk out of five
🥛
Beck
2/5
How in god's sacred secretion's name, does BECK have a SECOND album on here?
And what in the most insidious of infernos is Beckerton trying to do here? This album has less direction than Columbus with a broken compass.
Hold this sympathy 2, and may I NEVER have to listen to this confused man ever attempt to rap or speak Spanish ever again.
Yeah Yeah Yeahs
2/5
Fuck! This unexceptional band again? Complete with an excess of non-lexical vocables bordering on absurd (band name checks out I guess), and a lasciviousness bordering on desperate and incestuous (we could do it to each other, like a sister and a brother...?).
Would have turned it off sooner, but the guitars were admittedly kinda nice, especially on Maps.
🗺️🗺️
Lupe Fiasco
3/5
Bit of a left-field choice for this list, but it's certainly more enjoyable than many of the albums I've had to power through to get here.
3 skateboards out of 5
🛹🛹🛹
Queen
2/5
Unequivocally singular.
Peculiarly unmemorable.
Just because you can hit every note there is, doesn't mean you have to.
One flick of the wrist for the guitar work.
One more for the steamy album cover, sugar.
🤚🤚
Doves
1/5
"The Last Broadcast"
I sure hope it is.
Peter Gabriel
2/5
Getting the song "Red Rain" back to back with "Purple Rain" is just not fair. Oh well, Peter Gabriel did his best, but he does sound like an imposter on this list of musical titans.
2 sympathy sledgehammers out of 5
🔨🔨
Prince
4/5
How iconic do you have to be that people think of you when a COLOR is mentioned?
Paul McCartney
1/5
A demo tape full of outtakes and drafts, that wouldn't even sniff this list had it been released under any other name.
Bob Marley & The Wailers
4/5
🔥🔥🔥🔥
The Zutons
3/5
An unexpected treasure trove of potential playlist and soundtrack gems.
3 zebra futons out of 5
🦓🦓🦓
The Stranglers
2/5
Punk but with a bit more melody and experimentation, and some of that new-wave whininess creeping in.
🍑🍑
My Bloody Valentine
2/5
Michael Jackson
3/5
Quite an emotional roller coaster. After repeatedly getting called a vegetable, being scared out of mind, getting instructed to rub one out, and finally receiving a dissertation on human behavioral psychology, I felt overwhelmed, exhausted and strangely disoriented, probably much like that baby tiger that Michael used for the cover photo-shoot. Oh well, in the vain of so many lazy reviewers on this site; "I mean, it's MJ".
🐯🐯🐯
Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds
2/5
This was a real downer at my Halloween party.
Hey Nick... Boo!
👻👻
Richard Hawley
1/5
A primitive, underwhelming effort (or absence thereof), that's as rife with cliches, as it is with it's lack of ambition.
This album sounds more like a phoned in contractual obligation to a record label than an output of creative expression.
F
Sugar
1/5
Uhh, I understand there is a whole slew of questionable albums that somehow slipped through the cracks and made it onto this list, so I guess once again it's up to me to pull out the broom, and sweep the junk away.
🧹
Taylor Swift
1/5
Fuck no, not sitting through another Taylor Swift album. Nevermore...
Hole
4/5
Goes way hard. Although Cobain's fingerprints are all over this, the band definitely find a way to make the album their own.
4 nostalgia trips out of 5
Dolly Parton
3/5
Very relaxing without ever being annoying. Solid country music.
3 stars for the 3 voices.
📣📣📣
Miles Davis
5/5
I see a lot of negative comments directed towards this genre defining masterpiece. To be honest, I too didn't quite ''get it'' after the first listen, but after subsequent revisits, allowing me to familiarize myself with the music, the brilliance of the album gradually revealed itself to me. So if you're reading this and found that it didn't quite ''click'' the first time around, try coming back to it later, perhaps in a different state of mind.
For those enlightened enough to recognize this masterpiece for what it is, I invite you to give Miles' Jack Johnson album a listen, on which he takes the ideas on here to arguably even greater heights.
🧉🧉🧉🧉🧉
The Jon Spencer Blues Explosion
2/5
For the first time during this project, I thought that I too could possibly put out an album worthy of the list.
2 lowered bars out of 5
New Order
2/5
Sounds like a watered down Depeche Mode, some songs were good, others aged like a sandwich left in your high school locker over summer break.
🥪🥪
The Chemical Brothers
3/5
Felt like I was chained up and pelted with auricular whips and loved every moment of it.
3 lashes to the primary auditory cortex out of 5
➰➰➰
Gorillaz
2/5
Plastic Beach is sufficient for this list, but they're from UK, so of course they get extra recognition.
2 nepotisms out of 5
🦍🦍
Jah Wobble's Invaders Of The Heart
2/5
On the one hand, the trend of mindlessly incorporating traditional music from around the world with dub and electronic music probably deserves to be represented. On the other, this is one of the most heavyhanded and poorly executed examples of the above.
Two hands, clapping unenthusiastically.
👏👏
Kraftwerk
2/5
Kraftwerk is German for power plant.
Autobahn is German for apathetic.
🏭🏭
Iron Maiden
1/5
Multiple Iron Maiden on this list? I can abide by one, but MULTIPLE?
How do you name yourself after a medieval torture device, than go on to make the pillowy-softest metal music known to man?
One soft serve cone out out of five
🍦
T. Rex
5/5
After just 1 listen, I'm fairly certain glam rock peaked here.
5 love at first listens out of 5
💋💋💋💋💋
Madonna
3/5
Confiteor Deo omnipoténti, beátæ Mariæ semper Vírgini, beáto Michaéli Archángelo, beáto Ioánni Baptístæ, sanctis Apóstolis Petro et Paulo, ómnibus Sanctis, et vobis, fratres: quia peccávi nimis cogitatióne, verbo et ópere:
mea culpa....
mea culpa....
mea máxima culpa..........
✝️✝️✝️
Crowded House
2/5
Another band that hasn't got a sound of their own, each song sounds like they're taking turns knocking off random mediocre 90's alt-rock bands. From REM to U2, no one is safe.
2 parrots out of 5
🦜🦜
Run-D.M.C.
3/5
Now Dr. Seuss and Mother Goose both did their thing
But Jam Master's getting loose and D.M.C.'s the king.
👑👑👑
Janelle Monáe
5/5
A rare instance where talent and mainstream pop appeal intersect in a once-in-a-generational phenomena.
5 unicorns out of 5
🦄🦄🦄🦄🦄
Ryan Adams
1/5
A country song about New York just sounds weird. Everything else is generic and dull.
🇺🇸
Dexys Midnight Runners
1/5
The kind of album you find while cleaning out the dusty attic of your recently departed great aunt, who stuck it up there because it reminded her of that one fling she had in the 80's with the self-absorbed yuppie stock broker, who bought it on 8-track because he was expecting a decent follow up to C'mon Eileen, but the disappointment of the music could only be superseded by the companionship of your aunt, leading him to ditch both and relapse into his coke habit.
🤧
Led Zeppelin
2/5
Baby...baby...baby...baby...babyyy...
👶👶
Ramones
4/5
Shout out Anthony Bourdain!
🍽️🍽️🍽️🍽️
The Louvin Brothers
2/5
Interesting stories, distinctive sound, instantly transports you to a unique place and time, but not necessarily a place you wanna hang out at. There's a darkness about the album, and it's not a cool one like Black Sabbath!
Two newlywed cousins out of five
🤵👰
The Stone Roses
2/5
Veni, audivi, oblitus sum
Steve Earle
2/5
More twang than a tornado in a banjo shop.
🌪️🌪️
Shivkumar Sharma
4/5
Finally found my sheep herding soundtrack!
🐑🐑🐑🐑
Buck Owens
2/5
I didn't hate the Bakersfield sound, but I sure as sugar won't be craving it any time soon.
My Bloody Valentine
3/5
Couldn't understand a word of the lyrics, but dug the wall of sound. Felt like drudging through thick mud.
Pere Ubu
2/5
It's highly admirable that the list is inclusive of special needs musicians.
Bill Callahan
2/5
My first experience with spoken word country (no, what he's doing here can't be counted as singing). Hopefully it's the last one too.
The drummer phoned it in, the strings are ample, and the poetry is so intentionally ambiguous, it makes us wish we were a cormorant. See what us did there?
Two cormorants out of five
Lambchop
1/5
THIS is what happens when someone decides to make music for reasons other than to get laid, you get a bland, nonsensical, auditory circle jerk of comatose mumble singing and the only 10-piece band in history that DIDN'T disturb their neighbors.
Get your priorities straight, and maybe your songs will sound better.
Goldfrapp
3/5
"What the heck does a goldfrapp sound like?" Thought I when this came up.
Well, it turns out it sounds like Ennio Morricone blended with Portishead, albeit with a less annoying singer, and touches of James Bond inspired instrumentals.
Sounds like a winning recipe, which it is, but it does start to meander at the half way point.
Let's go with 3 fraps out of 5
🧋🧋🧋
Black Flag
3/5
I realize TV Party is meant to be satire, but dammit if it doesn't make me wanna go out and buy a TV just so I can play it while I pregame my favorite TV show with some brews.
3 mosh pits out of 5
Tori Amos
2/5
The correct seismologic term is "low magnitude earthquakes".
I know she only repeats the chorus 3 times per song, but somehow it feels like 7.
Best song is "Precious Things", the rest are saved with skilled piano.
2 fascist panties out of 5
🩲🩲
Kate Bush
3/5
Love songs over cheesy synths Bush >>> murdering millions of innocent people in the Middle East Bush
Gene Clark
1/5
Find yourself someone who loves you, as much FIFA loves oil money, as much as Facebook loves your data, and as much as 1001 Albums loves all things The Byrds.
ZZ Top
2/5
I laid back so far, the back of my head rested on my ass.
Rod Stewart
1/5
You know what this list really doesn't have enough of? British men from the 70's doing shitty blues impersonations. Nope, that's really just the one genre that we really seemed to have overlooked here.
Rod sounded like he was really struggling singing these songs, like he was gonna lose his voice at any minute. I struggled equally as much listening to him, and the entire time was hoping that he'd finally lose his voice and put both of us out of our miseries.
1 cough drop out of 5
🍬
The Fall
2/5
This Nation's Saving Grace was one of the better discoveries I made on the generator so far, but despite that I was still a little surprised to see a second album from The Fall, especially one released in the 90's.
As I had feared, this work failed to live up to what I had heard from them thus far. To put it into even more context, this album came out the same year as In Utero and 36 Chambers.
That said, despite sounding dated, tired, and dare I say complacent, there are enough interesting melodies and riffs and bass lines to keep me from writing it off completely.
2 bald-headed men out of 5
👨🦲👨🦲
Talvin Singh
2/5
How is this on the list, and A. R. Rahman not?
As for the album, it's not bad, but it's not good, I'd say it's just...
Mudhoney
2/5
Superfuzz Bigmuff = When I haven't shaved for a few days, and your mom hasn't shaved for a month. The resulting friction is simply electric!
🧔🧔
Small Faces
3/5
If you're gonna do British music, do British music, and this was the Britishest music of them all.
3 union jacks out of 5
🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧
The Allman Brothers Band
3/5
More noodling than a ramen shop, but damn that 22 minute version of Whipping Post goes hard.
🍜🍜🍜
Caetano Veloso
3/5
Psychedelic saudade.
Beatles
2/5
You know, before I heard this album, I thought love was a wonderful thing - but this album is seriously making me reconsider that premonition.
It's like the 13 songs on here are competing for which one can annoy me the most. With the exception of "And I Love Her", which was actually kinda decent.
2 broken hearts out of 5
💔💔
Frank Sinatra
2/5
So there's this girl in my class that I like but I've been kinda nervous to talk to her. Frank sounds like a real lady killer, so getting this album today has really given me the motivation I needed. Tomorrow, I'm going to go to school in my finest fedora, and gonna ask that girl in my class if she'd like to make whoopee.
Wish me luck boys!
🤞🤞
Air
3/5
Lazy background music with just a touch of personality.
Lenny Kravitz
2/5
I'm sure Lenny means well, but he really struggles to overcome his limitations as a songwriter and vocalist.
Best song "My Precious Love"
Lady Cab Driver > Mr. Cab Driver
🚕🚕
Kings of Leon
3/5
This one kinda grew on me as it went on. Good for a long, long drive through the South.
Best songs; Spiral Staircase and Genius.
3 cacti out of 5
🌵🌵🌵
The Stooges
5/5
Sometimes an album comes along that transcends time and place. Sometimes an album lays down the blueprint for 100s of artists to follow and build an entire career from. Sometimes an album really, really DOES need to be listened to before you die. Countless times over.
5 lightnings caught in 5 bottles
⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡
MGMT
2/5
Making Giddy Meaningless Tunes
My Bloody Valentine
1/5
You can't convince me that every MBV song doesn't sound EXACTLY like every other MBV song.
1 cookie cutter out of 5
🍪
Fugees
4/5
You know if you overdub The Godfather with this album, it syncs up perfectly!
4 severed horse heads out of 5
🐴🐴🐴🐴
Mike Oldfield
3/5
The theme music to theme music.
Glockenspiel!
🔫🔫🔫
The Stooges
4/5
All our pretty faces are going to hell, Iggy, and when they do, hopefully they'll play your songs...
👹👹👹👹
3/5
Listening to this album feels like masturbating while being crushed by two washing machines filled with rocks on low setting while the neighbor is having a paintball tournament with some stray cats inside his closet.
So yeah, it's pretty great.
🧹🧹🧹
Joanna Newsom
2/5
Joanna sounds like a 9 year old trying to sound like a 90 year old imitating a 9 year old.
If you think reading Ulysses is a good use of your time, you'd have a blast trying to decipher the meaning of the gibberish coming out of her mouth. But the ambition is admirable.
2 spiders’ ghosts hanging, soaked and dangling silently from all the blooming cherry trees out of 5
🕷🕷
Red Snapper
2/5
Red snappers can grow to about 1 meter, weigh up to 23 kilograms and live more than 50 years. Red snappers begin to reproduce when they are about two years old, spawning from May to October along rocky ledges or coral reefs. Bigger, older red snappers produce many more eggs than young ones. One 60-cm female red snapper (about 8 years old) produces as many fish as 212 40-cm females (about 5 years old).
Click here to subscribe to more red snapper facts.
Joan Baez
3/5
Music how it must have sounded 500 years ago, how it'll lilely sound 500 years from now. The Spanish song at the end goes way hard! Joni Mitchell could never...
3 campfires out of 5
🔥🔥🔥
The Mothers Of Invention
4/5
The man standing way at the back on the album cover is Jimmy Carl Black, and he's the Indian in the group.
Coldplay
1/5
I'm a simple man, I see Coldplay, I give it one star without listening and move on. Life's too short...
Goldie
2/5
Bog standard BGM. Sea of Tears was not sad, nor did A Sense of Rage inspire any rage.
Put this on if you need some non-distracting study music or something, but don't expect it to keep you awake.
Hanoi Rocks
2/5
These guys sound like they'd be fun to party with. Songs range from decent to woefully bad, but nothing exceptional. If I'm not mistaken, this is the only Finnish album on the list. A missed opportunity to include some viking metal instead. Damned shame that.
2 mascara sticks out of 5
Pixies
4/5
Great. Fuckin' great. Every song sounds different. Every song rocks.
🐵🙈🙉🙊
Roxy Music
3/5
Haven't heard anything like this before. Needed 2 listens to fully absorb this one. Despite being extremely corny at times, the musicianship and originality are certainly there.
3 pairs of panties out 5
🩲🩲🩲
New York Dolls
4/5
It's a shame that saxophone and piano aren't more prominent in rock music nowadays. As for this album, it easily renders most other glam rock obsolete.
🎷🎷🎷🎷
Doves
2/5
Decently atmospheric background music. As with most of these early 2000's indie bands, the singer adds almost nothing.
Q-Tip
3/5
Phat beats
LCD Soundsystem
1/5
the american dream is dead
Metallica
4/5
Metallica's Red Square concert is an all time great performance that few could ever match. That said, the collaboration they pulled off here is impressive for completely different reasons. The biggest criticism I can lay on this work is (aside from James' lame banter), there are many moments where the symphony adds little to nothing to the original songs. But never does it feel like it interferes, and when the collaboration works, it works!
4 headbanging violinists out of 5
🎻🎻🎻🎻
Super Furry Animals
2/5
Fuzzy shit
💩💩
The Doors
2/5
Is it just me, or is the title track a blatant rip-off of Johnny B. Goode and Mona? A bastard love child if you will?
The rest of the songs are decent.
🌪🌪
The Avalanches
5/5
I was transformed to a wonderful world filled with a collage of the familiar and the strange. And I want to go again.
And again.
And again.
Maybe I need therapy.
5 horses out of 5
🐴🐴🐴🐴🐴
Spacemen 3
3/5
First time hearing of this band, going in with zero expectations. It was surprisingly decent for nursing my hangover. The lack of consistency was glaring, but for being exactly what I wanted to hear this Sunday morning, I give it 3 dog hairs out of 5.
🐕🐕🐕
Frank Black
3/5
This album is like life - it peaks early
This album is like life - it has it's moments, which only exacerbate the disappointments
This album is like life - it's too long for it's own good
Three lifetimes out of five
👶👨👴
Beyoncé
2/5
Oh fuck.. OK, let's get this over with..
Pretty Hurts - Beyonce laments the superficiality of society. The next time I see Beyonce court-side at the Lakers game without makeup and her hair immaculately done, I'll take her message seriously.
Haunted - Beyonce laments the soul crushing effect of 9 to 5 work culture through the prism of a worker turned ghost, or something like that. The producers did a good job of creating a "ghostly" effect.
Drunk in Love - Beyonce turns herself into a drunken "I have sex" meme, Jay-Z contributes a cringy verse.
Blow - Beyonce is asking you to eat her out. Was one of the better songs so far, catchy and groovy, but there were too many beat switches, the bridge completely ruined the mood for me.
No Angel - Beyonce laments her and her lover's imperfections. This song was painful.
Partition - TBF, "I sneezed on the beat and the beat got sicker" is a dope line. Then a continuation of the "I have sex" meme. Refer to Prince on how to make a sexy song about sex. This ain't it.
Jealous - Beyonce laments her role in her relationship. The lyrics seem to be deliberately vague and obscure. Probably for the best.
Rocket - After lamenting her jealousy, Beyonce is back at attempting another sexy song. Doing her worst to knock off every Prince technique and still coming up woefully short.
Mine - God this song is too long.
XO - No idea what this song is supposed to be about. Random generic lines strung together over a generic pop beat.
***Flawless - Beyonce laments the role of women in society. The exert from Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie is the best part.
Superpower - Admittedly Beyonce and Frank harmonizing sounds pretty good.
Heaven - According to Genius, Beyonce laments the loss of her first child due to miscarriage. A legitimately sad and personal song.
Blue - Beyonce writes the most generic song possible for her daughter, repeating the phrase "hold on" countless times in multiple ways.
There.. I listened.. two laments out of five
Stereolab
2/5
I suppose this album is good at what it does, which mostly consists nonsensical electro-gibberish. There were even moments when I found myself nodding along. And for that alone, I give it two nods of the head out of five, and not a single nod more.
William Orbit
2/5
A hazy shade of random is a good way to describe the entire album. Yoga background music.
🧘🧘
Violent Femmes
4/5
First time listening to this band.. let's go!
Teenage angst and inceldom have never been this catchy, raw and honest. The contrast of the DIY vibe of the recording, the untrained vocals and the seriously impressive pop sensibilities, and groovy bass and guitar lines are both disorienting and mesmerizing at the same time.
Best songs: Blister in the Sun, Add it Up, Gone Daddy Gone, Good Feeling is a great closer too.
4 prom rejections out of 5
Motörhead
2/5
Getting strong "old man yelling at clouds" vibes from this, but in an almost endearing sort of way. The lead singer has no business being a lead singer - none, but dammit if he ain't doing his darnedest. And after all, that's all any of us can really ask for ain't it?
Best song "The Road Crew"
Worst song "Jailbait"
♠️♠️
Tim Buckley
2/5
If you're looking for some frolicking through a meadow music, I've got an album for you!
2 grasshoppers out of 5
🦗🦗
Public Image Ltd.
3/5
In the right whiskey fueled stupor, I could see this being the greatest thing ever. In all other situations, it's still quite decent.
🥃🥃🥃
Rahul Dev Burman
4/5
Funk, jazz, cabaret, salsa, spaghetti westerns, all filtered through a Bollywood prism, and served up with no compromises. We NEED more Indian music on this list.
4 masala chutneys out of 5
Simple Minds
3/5
One mullet for the solid production, one mullet for the bass lines, and one for the title song.
3 mullets out of 5
💇💇💇
Goldfrapp
3/5
Took me by surprise seeing a second Goldfrapp album. Are they really on that level? It's equally inoffensive as the first. I'll keep this group in mind the next time I need some swanky dinner music.
🍷🍷🍷
2Pac
2/5
2Pac is a style over substance type of rapper. Why this over All Eyez on Me? Listen to Dear Mama and skip the rest.
David Holmes
1/5
While this is technically an album, and the contents of this album can technically be categorized as music, it is certainly not the type of music one listens to, much less needs to listen to. At best it's the type of music that plays in the background of a shitty racing game. Bland, boring, generic beats interspersed with pointless conversation samples. Having this on the list is a massive insult to all the great music that was left off.
Thin Lizzy
3/5
Disjointed, not a proper live album, not a studio album either. But there are some good songs, good solos, overall a good listen.
Massacre was my favorite
☘️☘️☘️
Massive Attack
2/5
The music is fine, but having a different singer on each track makes it sound like a v.a. compilation, Massive Attack's production is too bland to have a strong unifying force.
Led Zeppelin
3/5
Coulda sworn I've heard some of these songs before somewhere...
Fishbone
4/5
Fun, fun, fun!
These guys are the band that you see on a whim at a festival playing one of the middle slots in the early afternoon, and they somehow end up being your favorite performance of the whole day.
🐟🐟🐟🐟
Jacques Brel
3/5
I knew Brel from his famous and superb Ne Me Quitte Pas. Although none of the songs here can match that masterpiece, at least Amsterdam comes close, if by nothing but the power of sheer will, of which Jacques seems to have no shortage of. Seriously, check the lyrics and the translation, the song hits different, as I'm sure all of his songs do.
3 drunken sailors out of 5
🚣🚣🚣
Emmylou Harris
3/5
Country music with some very interesting, almost cinematic, modern production. There are times when it doesn't work (Michelangelo), but other times it's stunning (J'ai fait tout). Good listen overall.
Bonnie Raitt
1/5
The 80's have been a bit of a musical blind spot for me before starting this project. Fortunately, I was able to discover some splendid, ear-opening post-punk and new wave from the decade.
Unfortunately, I've also gotten the occasional soulless, drab, cliched snoozefest albums, like Nick of Time.
Imagine going to your favorite pasta restaurant, bringing home a take out container of their specialty - fettuccine alfredo, then washing off all the sauce, and eating just the plain noodles, with but a slight hint remaining of what was once a rich, creamy sauce. On this album that's exactly what Bonnie does to country music, and on one song - reggae.
One plate of cold pasta out five.
🍝
Kraftwerk
2/5
The background music to an endless montage of a dildo factory production line.
Ali Farka Touré
4/5
If they had audio dictionaries (which they should), then the entry for "gorgeous" would be the guitar on the title track.
Thank you Mr. Toure, you made my evening.
🐫🐫🐫🐫
Cocteau Twins
3/5
Precisely the kind of insular music a pair of twins would make.
I rate it snake eyes plus one.
🎲🎲🎲
Pet Shop Boys
3/5
The best of the 3 (Yes, 3!) Pet Shop Boys albums so far. Though there are still many dull songs, it seems they've come into their own on this one. Now, for the question of why the Pet Shop Boys get 3 albums, and Village People get none...
👮🏽♂️👷🏻♂️🤠
Scissor Sisters
4/5
Unpopular opinion incoming. Comfortably Numb is a shit song, and no amount of disco beats and synth-pop arrangements can make it better.
But the original tracks on here are all bangers. The lyrics lean a little too much into cryptic inside info, but it's still so undeniably fun.
🌈🌈🌈🌈
Everything But The Girl
1/5
It's not music, it's muzak.
Richard Thompson
2/5
Blander than a boloney sandwich at a baseball game, but I'll give it 2 fax machines for the decent production.
📠📠
David Bowie
2/5
This is indeed a David Bowie album, performed by David Bowie, full of David Bowie songs, written and sung by David Bowie.
Two David Bowies out of five
Beastie Boys
3/5
Brass Monkey is still a bop all these years later, Paul Revere is also on point. Plenty of filler and songs that haven't aged well, but overall a fun look into 80's frat music.
🐒🐒🐒
Heaven 17
3/5
New wave synth-pop with a touch of funk. It's pretty decent, despite most songs going on for far too long. Title track is the best.
3 neon suits with oversized shoulder pads out of 5
Nirvana
5/5
From the timeless opener, to the gutwrenching finale, this performance is packed to the brim with heart, soul, and it's as touching with it's beauty, as it is mesmerizing with it's simplicity.
5 camomiles out of 5
🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼
Laura Nyro
4/5
First listen - completely disoriented by this work, found myself unable to formulate a clear opinion.
On this list, overwhelmingly populated with bland and predictable albums, finding myself disoriented and perplexed is a good thing.
Second listen - the show tunes-y motifs are a bit more familiar now, and the song structures reveal themselves to be quite original. Based on my admiration of this work, it's a 5, based on my enjoyment, it's a weak 3, let's split the difference and say 4 circus tents out of 5, because I haven't heard anything like it before.
🎪🎪🎪🎪
Joe Ely
2/5
Ya gotcherself two kindsa country music. There's yer moonshine swigging, pork 'n beans, bare-knuckle boxin', rootin' tootin' country, and there's yer studded cowboy boots, F1 cars and fried food at the rodeo country. I tend to lean towards the former myself, but ol' Joe here makes country of the latter variety. He does do some interesting things with it, "Boxcars" is a nice example of pushing the boundaries of commercial country, and his guitar playing is decent, but for the most part the misses outnumber the hits.
2 cornbread moons out of 5
🌕🌕
Basement Jaxx
3/5
I gleefully burned off a Chinese buffet worth of calories while listening to this album.
Recommended by 3 out 5 personal trainers.
🏃🏃🏃
John Lennon
2/5
John's singing sounds weak and lacks any kind of edge unless he filters his voice through a distorter. His supposed poetry is primitive and shallow. The songs themselves are repetitive and basic. So why the second star? I respect the production and contributions from the backing musicians on here, who rescue John's mediocrity.
Oh no, I..
don't wanna be a baker mama, I don't wanna rye.
Oh no, I..
don't wanna be a cleaner mama, I don't wanna lye.
Oh no, I..
don't wanna be a farmer mama, I don't wanna sty.
Antony and the Johnsons
3/5
The Johnsons provide some absolutely beautiful melodies and gorgeous arrangements, too often marred by the singer's warbling. Decent bird impersonation, but the voice doesn't hold up during the crescendos, which is unfortunate, because they're great crescendos.
Next time try a different type of bird, a sparrow maybe.
🐓🐓🐓
Metallica
3/5
Though many will accuse them of selling out with this album, I'd argue it was more of a gradual decline, not an overnight drop. Fortunately, on Black Album they were still able to give us a decent few classics. Enjoyable, but hardly essential.
Three bells out of five tolling for you
🔔🔔🔔
Dead Kennedys
5/5
Take a solid, groovy, surf rock inspired bass line.
Combine with energetic, enthusiastic drumming, while being careful not to overpower the dish.
Add equal parts of guitars played at breakneck speed, with precision and fun.
Blend in loud, snarling, passionate vocals.
Finally, sprinkle on top a smattering of sharp, witty, politically charged and often sarcastic lyrics.
Mix it all together and bake in a 700 degree oven for 35 min.
What do you get?
The perfect punk album is what.
The Mamas & The Papas
3/5
California Dreamin' is a certified banger. That song alone earns these poster children for swinging 3 bottles of lube out of 5.
💦💦💦
The Cramps
3/5
Two consecutive albums featuring "Fever" (Elvis being the other). As long as you don't take this work too seriously and recognize it for the novelty project that it is, it is great fun!
3 dancing zombies out of 5.
🧟🧟🧟
Elvis Presley
3/5
The sound quality, musician quality, Presley's singing are all top notch. He especially shines on "Fever". 3 yellow Post-it's out of 5.
🟨🟨🟨
Solange
3/5
Very chill, reminds me of The Internet. Also, much better than the Beyonce album.
3 mmHg of blood pressure lowered out of 5
💗💗💗
DJ Shadow
3/5
The crowning achievement of a massive crate digging undertaking. 3 vinyl discs out of 5
📀📀📀
Weather Report
4/5
If only all weather reports were as mild and pleasant as this album. Believe me, there is nothing "heavy" about it. Good intro into jazz fusion. Four thunderstorms out of five.
⛈️⛈️⛈️⛈️
Red Hot Chili Peppers
2/5
A gator bit your arm, you got an amputation,
Politicians fighting hard against immigration,
And Mickey's high on crack, it's Floridafication.
Strip malls and highways, miles of traffic and congestion,
What once was a park for kids to play, is now a new gas station,
Fake cowboys in pickups, pushing for Texasification.
Rent keeps going up, propelled by speculation,
Icebergs melting fast, causing wildlife devastation,
Forget it all and smoke a bowl, it's Canadafication.
These lyrics write themselves, just like masturbation,
And sometimes they are painful, like anal penetration,
But anyway you look at it, it's all just fornica--tion...
Stevie Wonder
4/5
This album is brought you by Audible, with over a million titles of every talking book imaginable, you don't need to be able to see to enjoy all of the world's finest literature.
🎧🎧🎧🎧
Talking Heads
3/5
Started off so good, and then....
What do these guys have against animals anyway?
Three nosedives out of five
👃👃👃
The Jesus And Mary Chain
2/5
Thought this was gonna be Christian rock... glad it wasn't.
✝️✝️
The Monkees
2/5
No "Daydream Believer"? No "I'm a Believer"? No "Opening Theme"? Oh, hey, at least they made this album by themselves...!
Two participation trophies out of five
🏆🏆
Giant Sand
1/5
On the 1976 release "Zoot Allures", Frank Zappa delivered all the songs in a whispery voice to create a creepy, sleazy vibe, and did it to great effect.
On the 2000 release "Chore", Mr. Sand delivered all the songs in a whispery voice because he can't fucking sing worth a damn.
Some nice moments of experimental instrumentation do not compensate for this man's absolutely painful mumbling and half-assed lyrics.
One chore (to listen to this) out of five.
JAY Z
1/5
One vial of ether out of five
🧪
Michael Jackson
5/5
You can keep Thriller, this is easily Michael's best album, and arguably the greatest disco album ever.
🕺🕺🕺🕺🕺
Black Sabbath
3/5
A+ for the guitars.
F for the vocals and lyrics.
If only this band could find a competent singer... someone with a short, catchy last name... someone American perhaps... I bet they'd move heaven and hell to find someone like that. Ah well, best not get hung up on "what if's". Take these three devil's horns for your efforts.
🤘🤘🤘
Björk
2/5
On Vespertine (which means something that occurs in the evening - think just prior to nocturnal) someone locked a sexually frustrated Bjork in a tool shed, where she proceeds to make typical Bjork noises while banging and clacking every tool she can find. Towards the end it feels as if all the noise was cathartic for her, and there is a certain sense of satisfaction and completion as the album draws to a close. The producers took the resulting recording and accented it nicely with some atmospheric strings. The album does have an 'evening' vibe to it I suppose.
Two vespertine bats out of five.
🦇🦇
MC Solaar
3/5
Funky Francophone Flows
Dug the jazzy samples, will listen to more of him.
🎷🎷🎷
Eric Clapton
1/5
Other comments mention racist that and anti-vax that, I couldn't care enough to read up on all that, all I know is the music is duller than a bag of burnt out light bulbs.
Slint
2/5
One of the most frustrating albums I've gotten yet. The instrumentation and arrangements were fantastic, but... the lead singer mumble talking on every track was a poor decision. It didn't help that his voice was so low in the mix I could barely make out what he was saying. The few times he did try to sing or scream, the results were not impressive.
2 wasted potentials out of 5
Primal Scream
3/5
The definition of middle of the road.
This album doesn't really play it safe, but there is no sense of pushing boundaries.
It's unlikely to offend anyone, while being a tiny step above mall music.
It's not uptempo, nor is it relaxing, it's not background music, nor does it encourage active listening.
In short....
...it's fine
ABBA
2/5
Tiresome.
That is my one word to describe the music of ABBA. It makes me mentally, and by proxy physically exhausted. While this album is a small improvement on the pop dirge I've come to expect from this group, it still left me somewhat drained towards the end of it's short run time. I will however award this a second star, as one reviewer pointed out the political and social themes within the music, which I can't help but respect.
Two sighs of relief out of five.
😫😫
The Icarus Line
2/5
It's fine, but there's better noise rock out there.
Christina Aguilera
2/5
While Christina has doubtless talent, the music here is mostly formulaic pop, that takes as many risks as a rat in a house full of underfed cats. So despite flashes of creativity, it's still way too predictable, generic and safe.
2 safety vests out of 5
🦺🦺
Manu Chao
5/5
As cool as it is for Manu Chao to be seen as the patron saint of run down hostel and hippie backpacker bar background music, for anyone who sees his music as little more than a fun amalgamation of styles and languages, I recommend reading up a little about his career and political stances, and digging slightly more into his discography. For instance, the same songs that sound chill and laid back on here, are completely transformed in a live setting.
5 bongs out of 5
⚗️⚗️⚗️⚗️⚗️
2/5
At best, in the right hands this has some meme potential a la Rick Astley, at worst it's cheezy and completely forgettable 80's synth pop from... you've guessed it... UK!
2 tacky tacks out of 5
📌📌
The Libertines
1/5
Is all English indie rock this precious?
1 wilted flower out of 5
🥀
The Temptations
3/5
Money, sex, pride, envy, lust.
These are the 5 temptations Satan uses to conquer man.
Money / Drugs (Cloud Nine)
Envy (Through the Grapevine) and most other songs...
Lust (I Need Your Lovin')
The other two are missing here. Unfortunately none of these songs have an ounce of sexiness, and as for pride.. well considering how every song is about simping for a girl they lost, or begging a girl not to leave them, leads me to think having too much pride is not a problem for these boys.
Three temptations out of five.
⛧⛧⛧
Willie Nelson
4/5
If we ignore the silly Bach Minuet, this is a very solid country album. Country music seems like the perfect vessel for concept albums, yet so few artists seem to make use of the album-long narrative possibility of the genre.
4 guns out of 5
🔫🔫🔫🔫
The Who
3/5
Better than their later stuff.
3 long-eared owls out of 5
🦉🦉🦉
Grateful Dead
2/5
How many Grateful Dead does it take to turn on the light bulb?
I don't know, but do I know it takes them 15 minutes.
💡💡
Paul Weller
1/5
Anytime a song fades out in the middle of a gentle saxophone solo, you know you're in laundromat music territory. Has Paul's fire really gone out? Yes, yes it has. If he had any to begin with.
1 laundry basket out of 5
🧺
The Undertones
3/5
For most of the album this was looking like a mediocre off-brand Clash knock-off, but it was actually the bonus tracks that got my ears to finally perk up, in particular Mars Bars was a great song.
3 male models out of 5
🏋️🏋️🏋️
Tim Buckley
2/5
Admittedly this type of music is not in my wheelhouse, as I generally tend to be familiar with music that is more.. well.. good.
But what lil' Timmy lacks in "good", he seems to make up for in "not so bad", and enough people seem to like that, so I'll just chalk this up to my own need to branch out beyond "good" music and start exploring more "not so bad" music.
Two mood swings out of five.
Morrissey
2/5
I'd listen the hell out of an instrumental version of this, but Morris' lyrics and vocals make me wish I didn't understand English.
PJ Harvey
3/5
I liked the Manu Chao sample. That was the best part.
Beatles
3/5
The stereo version is completely unlistenable. Find the mono version. Tomorrow Never Knows is the Beatles' best song. For No One is one of the better ones too. Taxman and Doctor Robert are skips.
3 seagulls out of 5
🕊️🕊️🕊️
Elvis Costello
1/5
This album is hell
I'm sorry to tell you
It never gets better
Only worse
👿
Minor Threat
4/5
Much appreciated for helping me get the foul stench of yet another Elvis Costello album out of my ears (yes, it stunk so badly, I could smell it with my ears).
4 gracious thank you's
🙏🙏🙏🙏
The Cult
1/5
What is this middling no-hit unwonder?
Dinosaur Jr.
3/5
Wish they had spread the energy of "Don't" to the rest of the album. Still quite good.
🐞🐞🐞
Randy Newman
2/5
Meh.. tried to do some parody music but the music part fell flat.
2 naked men out of 5
Sleater-Kinney
2/5
Very shouty, but not of the kick my heels up variety, more of the shut the fuck up, you're annoying me variety.
Public Image Ltd.
3/5
There is only one way to describe this glorious mess of an album:
"Music to bask in your own filth by"
Love it!
Janet Jackson
4/5
Very ahead of it's time for an album released in the early 1800's.
⏩⏩⏩⏩
Johnny Cash
4/5
Would have been an iconic recording, had it not already been done and done slightly better by... the same Johnny Cash. But it's still worth a listen, cause even if the energy is similar, the songs are different.
4 broken curfews out of 5
🚔🚔🚔🚔
Guns N' Roses
4/5
True to their name, like a rose growing from a pile of manure, this band grew out of the detritus that is 80's hair metal, to create a surprisingly strong, genre-redeeming, nay, genre-defining album. The only hair metal worth listening to, and it is worth listening to.
4 roses out of 5
🌹🌹🌹🌹
Lloyd Cole And The Commotions
1/5
Not worth the commotion.
Leftfield
2/5
I wanna say this album had flashes of brilliance among a sea of dullness, but if we're being honest they were more like flickers of fineness.
Inspection was the best song.
💥💥
Tangerine Dream
2/5
Giving this a 2 only because it came out in 1974, so historical relevance and all that.
The Cure
3/5
Cured my vivacity and lust for life.
Title track was quite good.
Three nooses out of five.
R.E.M.
2/5
Compared to Automatic for the People, the highs aren't as high, but the lows aren't as low. Orange Crush is the best song if you make it that far. Props for the environmentalist message too.
🌱🌱
Big Star
2/5
A smorgasbord of musical ideas from the late 60's and early 70's, good, but not original. Really just aping what a bunch of the big groups were doing at the time, but even cover bands choose one artist to emulate, not all of them.
🐒🐒
Rufus Wainwright
3/5
It's different, and different is good. Makes me want to dress up in a clown/sailor hybrid costume and walk around doing jazz hands at people. So if you happen to be in my vicinity at the time, don't me alarmed, I'm just lettin' loose, listenin' to some Rufus.
3 jazz hands out of 5
🤗🤗🤗
Mariah Carey
2/5
At least the album cover is nice
🦋🦋
Fleetwood Mac
2/5
This is to music what Applebee's is to fine dining. Last two songs were pretty good though.
Award this two balls.
Johnny Cash
5/5
It's hard to imagine how an album can define an entire genre, but you tell me, what aspect of country music, and especially outlaw country are we missing here? From the songwriting, to the performances, to the tight band, to the freewheeling stick it to the man spirit, to the iconic live setting, At Folsom Prison has it all!
Five glasses of Folsom water out of five
🥛🥛🥛🥛🥛
The Notorious B.I.G.
4/5
Psychopathic Phunk
Quicksilver Messenger Service
4/5
Reminds of my first job in high school, working for the Cheyenne Messenger Service. Used to deliver daily telegrams to ol' Tracy McCraken at the Wyoming Tribune Eagle. He'd sometimes scold me for being late, other times he'd buy me a beer from the Railspur across the street. Then me and the fellas would roll up a joint and listen to Happy Trails behind the rail yard. I dreamed of better days, not realizing I was living them all along.
Happy trails my friends, happy trails.
Joni Mitchell
2/5
You just don't do it for me Joni, you just don't.
2 sympathy pats on the back out of 5
The Yardbirds
3/5
My nazz are blue too
Stephen Stills
3/5
Plays it a little too safe for most of the album, but finishes strong, and of course featuring Jimi on "Old Times Good Times" is always worth an extra star.
Might be the best of the massive CSNY record heap this list gives us.
Hookworms
2/5
Not sure if it's saying much, but I'd rather listen to this than have a hookworm infection. I've listened to the album 3 times now, and each time it feels like I'm listening to it for the first time. That's how unmemorable these songs are.
2 mehs out of 5
😑😑
The xx
2/5
For when shoegaze is too stimulating...
❌❌
Emerson, Lake & Palmer
2/5
Silly, silly, silly.
I can hear the early precursors of industrial rock in some parts, guitar hero style games in others. It's in good fun I suppose. The encore calls after only 36 minutes were not expected.
2 midi keyboards out of 5
🎹🎹
Tito Puente
4/5
Fuego! Mucho fuego!
🔥🔥🔥🔥
Sparks
3/5
First song: Hmm, nice... this is fun and different and kinda interesting.
Second song: Hmm, this sounds much like the first song.
Third song: Hmm.. this sounds much like the first two songs.
And so it goes.
A solid formula for some positive vibes. 3 out of 5 on the campy scale
🏕🏕🏕
Rufus Wainwright
2/5
The musicianship is there, but Rufus just keeps wailing and wailing and wailing on every track, and it dragged on forever. When the wailing switched to French, I had to throw in the towel.
😫😫
Jeru The Damaja
2/5
Appreciate the attempts at positivity and consciousness, but he just doesn't have the lyrical chops.
Tortoise
2/5
Click "play".
Waiting for something interesting to happen.
Around 14 minutes into the first song I thought my speakers were broken. They were not.
30 minutes into the album, did it start yet? Have I missed something?
40 minutes in. Someone is softly playing the guitar. VEEERRRYYY softly.
And just like that it's over. It's over? It's over..
It was nice though.
Common
2/5
The only rapper whose concert is packed with more suburban moms than teens.
👩👩
Jean-Michel Jarre
2/5
I get that this was technically influential, but musically, it goes nowhere.
2 very bored Space Invaders out of 5
👾👾
Ride
1/5
If a Ride album is playing in the woods, and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?
Doesn't matter, this album is of no consequence to anyone or anything.
1 falling tree out of 5
🌳
The Rolling Stones
1/5
Bobby Troup
Willie Dixon
Jimmy Reed
Ellas McDaniel
James Moore
Chuck Berry
Brian and Eddie Holland
Ted Jarrett
Rufus Thomas
Above is a list of the artists the Stones cover on this album, NONE of whom feature on the list. Let's give some credit to the originators, shall we?
PS. The 3 original Stones compositions are trash by comparison.
Fever Ray
2/5
Budget Bjork
The Flaming Lips
3/5
Mellow.. kinda pretty..
I'm in a mellow mood so here ya go.. 3 stars
The Hives
3/5
Maybe not new favorite, but pretty decent, no standout songs, but dig the overall vibes.
3 enthusiastic foot taps out of 5
🦶🦶🦶
The Cars
1/5
The repetitiveness and mediocrity of the music was a massive let down, and proved a waste of an otherwise excellent album cover.
John Grant
1/5
Bittersweet strawberry marshmallow bullshit
The Jesus And Mary Chain
3/5
This is one you gotta ease into, but once you let the noise wash over you it's not so bad. Don't really need the underlying poppy elements though.
Inside Me was the best song.
3 sticks of mascara out of 5
Steve Winwood
1/5
When trying to convince people that the 80's were not musically terrible, one might preface with "Look.. it's not all Duran Duran and Steve Winwood and Vanilla Ice"
1 case of not helping your case out of 5
American Music Club
1/5
Nah, we can do without this one.
One unexceptional guitar strum out of five
Beck
1/5
The guy facepalming on the left side of the cover is me when I saw this pop up. I warned you not to give me any more Beck, 1001 albums, I fucking warned you didn't I?
Alternative album time. Go listen to Rossz csillag alatt született by Venetian Snares from the same year. A timeless masterpiece of drill and bass and breakcore.
I award this album 1 knife to throats of the editors of this book, just try to give me one more Beck album, just fucking try it!
🔪
The White Stripes
3/5
A solid album from a solid band.
R.E.M.
3/5
The most consistent R.E.M. album, although without the heights of Automatic.
3 apocalypses out of 5
☣️☣️☣️
The Divine Comedy
1/5
Why must you waste my time with this nonsense?
Duke Ellington
5/5
That's Sir Duke to you!
Motörhead
1/5
Motorhead is a fine band, but I've already had an album full of the best of these songs on here, these live versions not only fail to add anything to the music, but are also poorly recorded and mixed.
I gave them two spades last time, only one this time.
Led Zeppelin
1/5
You know, you don't have to put EVERY Led Zeppelin album on here...
1 album too many by these guys = 1 star, sorry but them's the rules
Marianne Faithfull
1/5
A music major flunkee doing a shitty Prince impersonation.
1 WTF out of 5
The Electric Prunes
4/5
Too many people hating on the Prunes, the opener is such a fucking vibe, and sure the rest of the album never manages to match that energy, but these songs really aren't as bad as people on here make them out to be.
A 3 star album bumped up to a 4 to spite the haters.
The Beach Boys
2/5
Interesting start, not what I expected, but fell apart towards the end for me.
2 completely flat oceans out of 5
Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan
5/5
I don't know what he's saying, but this man can take a single phrase, and spin infinite variations out of it. Splendid! Consider me devoted.
5 prayers up to the heavens out of 5
Buena Vista Social Club
4/5
Make no mistake, these octogenarians will steal your girl.
4 mojitos out of 5
Deee-Lite
2/5
Deee-lightfully OK
Nick Drake
2/5
It's a Nick Drake album. It's sad. It's minimal. Exactly like the 2 other Nick Drake albums on here.
Charles Mingus
5/5
After countless listens, this album never seizes to amaze me. The way the seemingly chaotic and disparate parts weave in an out of the melody, while always remaining in precisely the right place, no instrument is ever lacking, no instrument is ever overbearing. The whole thing is a perfect cacophony of seamlessly arranged unpredictability, complete with an immaculately timed flamenco interjection.
To say I adore this album would be a gross understatement.
Inject these sounds into my veins. When I die, I hope they take my ashes, mix them with vinyl and press them into a copy of this album. The entirety of the human experience can be summed up in these short 39 minutes. If the world were to end tomorrow, I hope somewhere there is a concrete bunker with a copy of this album and a record player to play it, so that future interstellar explorers may stumble upon the remains of our civilization, and know that once, a species lived here, that was capable of great art.
Pink Floyd
2/5
I first came across this album after hearing that it syncs up perfectly with The Wizard of Oz (spoiler alert: it doesn't! Stop lying to yourself, it really fucking doesn't).
So now, after hearing 646 supposedly essential albums, how does this one, separated from the pointless gimmicks fabricated by stoned, and obviously bored Floyd fans, stack up against the rest?
Well, within it's 10 track, 42 minute run time, there are only like 4 actual songs, the rest is fillered with obnoxious noodling, pointless synth oscillations and the same crappy Kenny G style saxophone playing that made Wish You Were Here so vomit inducing.
Shout out to Doris Troy, Lesley Duncan and Lisa Strike for providing the backing vocals on some of the songs, and being the only reason this album (barely) earns a second star.
Patti Smith
4/5
Yo, this goes way hard. I've been sleeping on Patti.
4 boys sipping tea in the hallway out of 5
☕☕☕☕
Supertramp
1/5
The crime of the century is making me listen to this nonsense.
I'm issuing a restraining order to the members of Supertramp to remain at a distance of no less than 500 m from any and all musical instruments. Especially saxophones.
📑
Carole King
2/5
Music to quilt to
The Cure
2/5
Too upbeat for me. If I'm not contemplating suicide, it's not a proper The Cure record.
Buzzcocks
2/5
Sexless Pistols
🔫🔫
The Crusaders
3/5
Light instrumental jazz funk with a killer opening track. Independent coffee shop owners - take note!
3 cups of java out of 5
☕️☕️☕️
Brian Eno
3/5
For those who like their music interspersed with hella vocal samples and soundbites - this is your jam.
Snoop Dogg
2/5
If you didn't expect this kid to grow up to make cheesy Corona commercials and reality shows, you weren't paying attention.
🍺🍺
Faust
4/5
Dieses Album ist gut. Sie sollten sich dieses Album anhören. Wenn Sie sich dieses Album anhören, werden Sie ein Übermensch sein.
Christine and the Queens
3/5
French version >>>> English version
Ute Lemper
1/5
3 songs by Elvis Costello (6 albums on this list)
2 songs by Nick Cave (4 albums on this list)
1 song by Tom Waits (5 albums on this list)
I suspect Ute Lemper is really behind this book, and she sneakily inserted her own mediocre album in to the list. I WILL get to the bottom of this. The case continues...
🔎
LTJ Bukem
3/5
Unsure what to make of the album, I turned to the wikipedia entry and the user reviews...
The Independent deemed the album a "spring-heeled, summer's-coming drum'n'bass selection."
"Wow, that was a whole lot of nothing."
"Sublime mix of the blippy and briskly paced with the atmospheric and dreamy."
"This might be the best dnd album I have ever heard in my life. Granted, I only dance to dnd and never actually listen to it. "
"This is what the cool spas play. "
"This is mayonnaise. "
"It truly sounded like I was listening to an album of royalty-free music for media usage."
"Omg it’s atmospheric liquid drum and bass! One of my absolute favorite genres of music."
Glad to see I'm not the only clueless one...
3 spring/summer, blippy, d'n'd, mayonnaise covered, whole lotta nothings in a spa out of 5
Os Mutantes
5/5
Your favorite has been rendered irrelevant within the first 5 minutes of this album, and your girlfriend got salmonella, now DANCE! bitch...
Frank Zappa
5/5
Hot dog! 661albums in and I finally get two 5's in a row! I know I'm pushing my luck, but let's go for 3 generator! You can do it!!
Here we go!
U2
4/5
2024/04/19
News just came that Israel launched missiles at Iran.
Gazans and Ukranians getting slaughtered and bombed daily.
It's a good album, just wish it wasn't so... timely.
The Blue Nile
1/5
Ever say to yourself, "Gee.. I want to listen to music that sounds like David Bowie, but only less... good"?
Me neither, hence why I've never heard of The Blue Nile, and if there's a god, never will again.
1 lethargic llama out of 5
🦙
Japan
2/5
Disco music. But not the "get the party started" kind of disco, rather the "it's 3:30 in the morning, party's almost over, people are starting to head home and the janitors are getting ready to mop the sticky floor" kinda disco. Still solid for what it is.
Steely Dan
2/5
This album SOUNDS like it's out of my price range.
2 yacht club membership rejections out of 5
⛵⛵
Brian Eno
1/5
As if people needed another reason to hate airports...
The Dandy Warhols
3/5
Surprisingly decent and diverse for an album with such a terrible cover, by a band with such a lame name.
I may even revisit.
Ramblin' Jack Elliott
2/5
Slide guitar was the best part.
2 scoops of vanilla ice cream out of 5
🍦🍦
Kraftwerk
3/5
01001001 01110100 00100111 01110011 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 00100000 01101101 01101111 01110011 01110100 00100000 01100001 01100011 01100011 01101111 01101101 01110000 01101100 01101001 01110011 01101000 01100101 01100100 00100000 01101111 01100110 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 00100000 01101101 01100001 01101110 01111001 00100000 01001011 01110010 01100001 01100110 01110100 01110111 01101111 01110010 01101011 00100000 01100001 01101100 01100010 01110101 01101101 01110011 00100000 01101111 01101110 00100000 01101000 01100101 01110010 01100101 00101110
3/5
Norah Jones
2/5
I'll come away with you anywhere you wanna go Norah, just don't sing when we get there!
🤐🤐
Bert Jansch
3/5
What can I say? The music is as honest as it gets, and the guitar playing is really interesting. For a bare bones folk record, it's hard to expect much more.
3 bastard babies out of 5
👶👶👶
Al Green
4/5
I played this for my 2 cats, I now have 4 cats.
🐱🐱🐱🐱
2/5
The slide guitar was the best part.
2 scoops of vanilla out of 5
🍦🍦
Turbonegro
1/5
Meritless mediocrity.
Waylon Jennings
3/5
It's solid, down to earth, well composed, with a touch of fun. Although it's not really my bag, I can at least respect what Waylon is doing here. This should serve as a blueprint for country music.
Tom Waits
3/5
My dear late great auntie Dolores used to play this album for me at bed time to help me fall asleep. It just doesn't hit the same without the smell of her cheap lavender perfume and stale cigarette smoke. When she took out her dentures and sang along, I could have sworn Tom was there in the room with me.
Sometimes I wish I hadn't pawned her stand up bass all those years ago, but it was really doing a number on her spine, lugging it to the gigs at the Cameron House every Sunday night. Spending all that money on pogs was the real kick in the balls though. Auntie always said that the electric bass was for pussies. I wouldn't go that far, but the double bass on Soldier's Things and on the title track sure sounds good.
Miss you Auntie. Rest in Pudding.
The Stooges
4/5
So long ''My Sharona'', I found a new song to masturbate to!
4 tissues out of 5
Jefferson Airplane
4/5
Peace and love, man!
✌️☮️🌻🌈
Morrissey
1/5
Unforgivably stupid lyrics. A middle aged man trying to channel his inner angsty teenage girl. Who also happens to be really bad at poetry.
🤮
James Brown
4/5
Talk about putting a venue on the map...
Calexico
3/5
The soundtrack to a movie based on a Steinbeck novel adopted to the new millennium.
Adam & The Ants
3/5
The lesson from this album is - if you're gonna do something, go all out and do it! And The Ants sure are doing it!
What "it" is, exactly is unclear, but it's sure is being done!
🐜🐜🐜
Gram Parsons
2/5
Love Hurts is a certified gem, everything else is cousin bangin' music.
Are 5 Byrds albums not enough ? We really need every member's solo albums too?
Stevie Wonder
5/5
While most would (rightfully) point to Songs in the Key of Life as the crowning achievement of Stevie's career, I would instead offer up this slimmed down release, which in it's small package delivers everything you could ever want from a Stevie Wonder album. You got the insatiable opening bop that is "Too High", the toe-tapping funk of "Higher Ground", the epic, socially-conscious jam of "Living for the City", the smooth, sweet ballad in "All in Love is Fair", and let's not forget the countless other timeless masterpieces. Stevie was truly a master of his art.
5 visions out of 5
Primal Scream
3/5
Oooh, look at us, how random and unusual we are!
Try-hardedness aside, some of the songs are pretty drecent, just missing that something intangible.. .
D'Angelo
4/5
An evening spent with D'angelo is an evening spent well.
The Fall
2/5
I've listened to Saving Grace-ah, and I listened to Infotainment Scan-ah, and they were all pretty good-ah, and the Fall are a fine band-ah, but they're starting to wear out their welcome-ah...
John Prine
3/5
I suppose this sort folksy style of country music has to be understated and restrained by it's very nature, it wouldn't be what it is if it wasn't. So it's hard for me to blame ol' John for not writing songs that stick my head or leave a strong lasting impression. At the same time, he does what he does well, and the songs don't overstay their welcome. So I'll give him an understated and reserved score I think he deserves, with an underlying nod of respect and appreciation.
Billy Bragg
3/5
There was a song I really liked, but I won't say which song.
10cc
2/5
The musical equivalent of that kid who goes a little too hard in every class, especially dodgeball, and really just needs to tone it down a little.
2 donuts out of 5
🍩🍩
Terence Trent D'Arby
2/5
On the one hand, TTD is very talented, and knows how to compose a bop. On the other hand, the overly formulaic approach he takes wrings all the soul out of his songs. At the end of the day, I'ma sleep on this one.
Scott Walker
3/5
That opening track was a beast! The rest of the songs are decent, but a bit warbly. Like he's singing through a fan.
3 trumpets out of 5
Duran Duran
1/5
You've heard of backpack rap? I present to you fannypack pop!
Suicide
3/5
I would have rated this higher had the vocals been more imaginative, but at the end of the day, I'm glad to have listened to this album. The hate it seems to get on here is both unwarranted and misplaced, especially considering how many CRAP albums get ranked much higher!
3 combs brushing against the grain out of 5
Radiohead
3/5
Maybe it's the rainy weather today, but this Radiohead album did not annoy me as much as the 28 other Radiohead albums on here.
The Associates
3/5
At the time of reviewing, this is the 15th lowest rated album on this site, so I went in with low expectations, in fact being in a lugubrious mood, I was prepared to sulk, but contrary to the artist's name, this is not sulking music, nor is it sucky music, and most certainly not deserving of it's low rating.
A few things off the bat, the cover of Gloomy Sunday absolutely does not do justice to the song, the overall content of the album does not justify it's length, but there are enough unique melodies, lines and ideas here to make it a very worthwhile listen. In the right setting, it might even be enjoyable. Also, Bap De La Bap is a bop!
Hot Chip
2/5
It's exactly this kind of bland, middle of the road indietronica that made the 2010's so musically forgettable.
Manic Street Preachers
3/5
Teenage edginess never sounded so groovy.
Three walking abortions out of five.
👶🏻👶🏻👶🏻
Tom Waits
4/5
Tom walked into the kitchen, started banging a bunch of pans and spatulas and ladles and screaming like a toddler who smokes 5 packs a day, and somehow made it sound good!
4 irritated mothers out of 5
😠😠😠😠
Neneh Cherry
1/5
Like sushi that's been left out too long.
1 case of musical diarrhea out of 5
💩
Ghostface Killah
3/5
Me: ChatGPT, write a positive review of the Ghostface Killah album "Fishscale" in the narrative style of Ghostface Killah's raps.
ChatGPT:
Yo, yo, yo, check it, check it, yo,
This is Ghostface Killah, comin' straight at ya
With that Fishscale vibe, yo, listen up!
Picture this, yo, it's a cold winter night
Streets lit with neon lights, everything's right
I pop in Fishscale, let it spin, let it ignite
Ghostface on the mic, yo, it's outta sight
From track one to the end, it's a lyrical thrill
Flow so smooth, it's like I'm movin' in silk
Each verse like a story, each beat like a thrill
Got me nodding my head, can't stand still
"Shakey Dog" got me gripped, like I'm in the flicks
Riding shotgun with Ghost, dodging all them hits
Then "Kilo" comes in, with that smooth-ass mix
Talking 'bout the streets, the hustle, the tricks
"Underwater" got me diving deep in the zone
Ghostface paintin' pictures with words, on his throne
And "Back Like That"? Damn, that beat's so prone
To make you move, to make you groove, on your own
Don't even get me started on "Be Easy"
That track's like a masterpiece, making it look breezy
Ghostface Killah, man, he's never sleazy
Just droppin' truth bombs, making it look easy
So if you're looking for a ride, a lyrical thrill
Ghostface's Fishscale is the pill
To take you on a journey, to give you the chills
Yo, Ghostface Killah, he's the real deal!
Okay then...
Everything But The Girl
1/5
The music is bland and unimaginative, but what REALLY puts this over the top are the pretentious, vomit inducing videos. Since they seem to think putting Japanese on their album cover is somehow hip, I'm issuing them 1 ban from my laptop.
🈲
Kate Bush
3/5
Very sensual indeed.
David Bowie
2/5
A string of mid songs, closed out by one quite good song (Fame), does not an essential album make.
Billy Bragg
1/5
If you think the cover art looks cheap, wait until you hear the music. Nothing to bragg about!
The Psychedelic Furs
2/5
Mediocre music to play in that one store in the mall that sells "punk" paraphernalia, sandwiched conveniently between H&M and The Gap.
Korn
1/5
The singing was whiny and the rapping embarrassing.
The Isley Brothers
4/5
The guitar playing alone on this album can easily replace a dozen or so of the psych/prog rock albums that needlessly litter this list, and that's before we even get to the singing!
4 jack of all trades out of 5
Dr. Dre
2/5
Nothin' But a "G" Thang is the only song on this album worth your time, and it is worth your time. But grown men writing 4th grade level poetry about being killers, while making gun noises is cringe.
Knowing George Clinton probably got hella paid off of this makes me feel better about the whole thing.
Jazmine Sullivan
2/5
For something that dropped just 3 years ago, it already sounds dated and tired. The track with Paak on it was one of the few redeeming areas.
2 forgettable footnotes out of 5
The Dave Brubeck Quartet
5/5
We're groovin' with the Dave Brubeck Quartet tonight boys, break out the champagne and caviar and tuxedos, it's gonna be a swanky time.
🥂🥂🥂🥂🥂
The Rolling Stones
2/5
Coincidentally, I used to work at an office right outside Flushing-Main street station. There was a busker at the entrance who used to play Rolling Stones covers. One day I decided to stop and observe - not the busker, but the reactions of the passer-bys to his music. Well, not surprisingly, he drew about as much attention as the salad bar at a Chinese buffet.
I asked him if he knew any Taylor Swift songs. He did, and they seemed to be a bit more of a hit, and he even got some change thrown his way. From that day, I never did see him outside the station anymore, but a year later, while watching Jimmy Kimmel late one night (Scarlett Jo was on, sue me!), the musical guest came on, and wouldn't you know it, it was the busker from Main street, Ed they called him, Ed Sheeran.
2 completely irrelevant anecdotes, made up by me out of pure boredom induced by this album, out of 5
Led Zeppelin
3/5
They did and overdid their thing on this one. Remember: all good things in moderation!
LL Cool J
4/5
Didn't realize this album had this many bangers, the beats are also consistently solid, and LL is able to switch it up just enough to keep the interest and energy going.
4 TKOs out of 5
Keith Jarrett
5/5
I consider this Robert Dimery's apology. For making me sit through countless mediocre Britpop albums. For making me explore the entire discographies of artists that I don't care for. For recommending some extremely tone deaf choices for genres he is woefully ignorant about. Thank you for turning me on to this masterpiece. Apology accepted. All is forgiven Bobby. All is forgiven.
M.I.A.
4/5
Fuck the haters, everyone who gave this a 1, y'all are a bunch of boring, knownothing, crusty dorks, who probably think music peaked with Pink Floyd. Either loosen up and get with the program, or go suck a tube of toothpaste.
Alexander 'Skip' Spence
2/5
I see they don't call him 'skip' for nothing.
The Monks
2/5
Just that tiniest little bit of psychedelia to make the rockabilly stand out from the bunch.
Lauryn Hill
5/5
This one is worth the hype!
Tom Tom Club
3/5
Quirky but a bit too self indulgent at times. Like Sly and Robbie for white people.
Jimi Hendrix
5/5
Listen to 1001 albums, or listen to this one 1001 times. Now put up the vinyl cover you cowards!
5 rainy days out of 5
🌂🌂🌂🌂🌂
Bad Brains
4/5
This entry partially makes up for the criminal omission of Sublime on the list.
4 amends out of 5
The Last Shadow Puppets
2/5
An immaculatly produced self-indulgent bore.
Beastie Boys
3/5
Rick Rubin: How many megaphones did you say you need for your new album?
Beastie Boys: ALL OF THEM!
GZA
4/5
Can easily go head to head with anything in the Wu catalogue.
4 king's gambits out of 5
♟️♟️♟️♟️
Count Basie & His Orchestra
4/5
The name is misleading. By all accounts, he wasn't an actual count (like Dracula), he was a jazz musician who was great at counting. Some say could count in a song even if a nuclear armageddon was going down. And you can count this, as one of the greatest big band albums ever!
Chicago
2/5
I have no qualms with the Chicago Transit Authority, for of course they're also responsible for getting the iconic L train running on time. And I totally support them taking up music in their spare time, but, uhmm, we gotta listen to the whole thing? Ah well, at least it's better than Boston and Kansas.
2 fare dodgers out of 5
Bob Dylan
5/5
One of the biggest discrepancies between album artwork and music quality. Can we get some kinda re-issue with a less phoned in cover?
Dwight Yoakam
1/5
I'll save you the trouble, Dwight got dumped, and he wasted that no-good lyin' cheatin' whore. This seemed to perk him up.
Some reviewers mention they like the Mexican influence in this album, I say, if you want Tejano, go listen to proper Tejano.
🤠
Grateful Dead
2/5
Pretty chill, nothing bad to say, but nothing stood out.
Van Halen
2/5
Some music stands the test of time, and some serves as a reminder of the cringey tastes you had in high school. Guess which one this falls under? Coulda been worse though, coulda been Def Leppard.
Cream
3/5
The lows are low, the highs are high, but not as high as these guys surely were when they recorded this.
3 trees out my window out of 5
🌳🌳🌳
Traffic
3/5
That instrumental jam at the end was very much up my alley.
Peter Frampton
1/5
Shoulda stayed dead
2/5
Goofy lyrics, but some interesting melodies. Belongs on the "1001 albums it wouldn't kill you to listen to" list
Booker T. & The MG's
4/5
Who needs lyrics when you got the groove?
More songs should be titled after vegetables.
The organ is overdue for a revival in popular music.
4 head nods out of 5
The Beau Brummels
1/5
Mary, Mary, quite contrary, playing this album is unnecessary.
Joni Mitchell
1/5
She had an "intense relationship with James Taylor" at the time. That explains a lot about the music. I can just see them trying to outdo each other with ever increasingly witty and broody love poems, with Nick Drake watching from the side, bitter and depressed about his own solitude. Meanwhile Graham Nash is cracking beers with Crosby and the boys, glad to finally be free of that looney case.
Frank Sinatra
2/5
Never heard anyone croone so hard before, I think me and Franky boy are both crooned out after this.
2 croons out of 5, purely for the historical significance
Grandmaster Flash & The Furious Five
4/5
Was familiar with the title track, and was expecting more of that type of early hip hop, but The Five came out of nowhere with a surprisingly varied mix of funky disco grooves.
4 pairs of platform boots with goldfish in them.
Suzanne Vega
1/5
A noble effort, but it doesn't belong on this list. It just doesn't.
Girls Against Boys
2/5
Like Kyuss with about 1/10 of their talent.
Kendrick Lamar
4/5
Talent + attention to detail makes great work.
Take notes
Ray Price
2/5
The backing band is great, but you can't tell me the singer didn't get this job through nepotism.
Amy Winehouse
3/5
It's cool that she names all her albums after The Pixies frontman, but their influence seems to be missing...
Fly in paradise little birdy, fly... fly...
Funkadelic
4/5
Middle of the pack as far as 70's P-Funk projects go, but that just shows you how amazing they were.
4 fried ice creams out of 5
Einstürzende Neubauten
5/5
Anyone giving this a 5 is probably heavy into BDSM, owns the entire catalogue of Nietzsche's writings, and survives off of the roaches they find in their basement.
Common
3/5
A rap album written by a focus group of "nice guys", but with some pretty solid production.
3 self aggrandizing pats on the back out of 5
Talking Heads
2/5
More spazz-rock I could have done without. I really struggle to understand what would lead someone to make an album of these songs? A hate of music? Over-intellectualizing music? Autism? Whatever it was, it's not worth agonizing over. I listen and I move on.
Bebel Gilberto
3/5
Got a hornets nest you need removed? Play them this album first, they'll be so sedated, they won't even think of attacking you.
Recommended by 3/5 hive removal specialists.
Alice Cooper
3/5
That ending was impressive. Don't forget the Coop everyone!
Three overworked teachers out of five
Don McLean
3/5
Don is a swell guy, he's a good substitute for Bob Dylan for people who like the cadence, but hate the vocal timbre. Just don't get him started on baked deserts, or he'll sing your ears off for over 8 minutes.
Venom
1/5
Somewhere... Dante Alighieri is rolling over in his grave.
N.E.R.D
4/5
It's like their 3rd best album. N.E.R.D tells us that you can make even the cringiest lyrics tolerable if you sing them with enough conviction.
Roxy Music
1/5
The singer sounds like a part time high school drama teacher who just got off a 12 hour flight, drunk, ears clogged, and the airline lost his suitcase where he packed his inhibition and sense of melody.
Sam Cooke
3/5
Poor recording quality and samey songs, only the energy saves it.
Queen Latifah
3/5
I can understand why MCs of the era talk so much about others biting their style, there are basically 3 flow patterns and maybe 10 rhyme schemes shared by everyone. That's why when someone like QL does manage to distinguish herself even a little, it becomes a big deal. I like the dancehall vibes too. Although there are no bad songs here, there's nothing I'd throw into my rotation either.
3 crowns out of 5
🤴🤴🤴
Muddy Waters
3/5
There goes ol' man Waters, singing about his libido again. Although he was still only 47 at the time, so it wasn't really the flex it would become later on in his career.
3 blue pills out of 5
Deep Purple
2/5
Smoke on the wah-tah
The Smashing Pumpkins
3/5
No idea what he's singing about half the time, but it SOUNDS deep.
Gary Numan
2/5
Gary Numan is the FOSS version of electronic music.
Nine Inch Nails
5/5
Hey kids, do you like violence?
Stevie Wonder
4/5
Fantastically festive, fun feels
Fairport Convention
2/5
Renaissance fair blues
Elastica
2/5
At least they chose a good band to rip off, but man does this album nosedive hard in the second half.
Jack White
3/5
JW knows how to write a catchy melody, and though the album starts and finishes on a shaky note, there are some real bangers in the middle part. Weep Themselves in particular stands out. Most other songs sound like blues rock written for a Disney movie. Take that as you will.
3 Mickey Mouse ear hats out of 5
Roxy Music
1/5
This was most exceedingly unpleasant.
Blood, Sweat & Tears
2/5
An above average jazz band decides to, for some inexplicable reason, to infuse low effort pop into their music.
2 wasted potentials out of 5
Sheryl Crow
1/5
Overproduced waste of bandwidth. This album has all the edge of a billiard ball. The vocals have the grit of a piece of wax paper. The lyrics have the depth of a kiddie pool.
1 totally rebellious beer at noon on a Tuesday out of 5
🍺
Jimi Hendrix
4/5
Jimi can do no wrong, but it would behoove this list to include one of his Band of Gypsies albums instead.
Peter Gabriel
3/5
Interesting how he made an English and a German version of the album. Personally I liked the German one better.
3 dictionaries out of 5
Interessant, dass er eine englische und eine deutsche Version des Albums gemacht hat. Mir persönlich hat die deutsche besser gefallen.
3 Wörterbücher von 5
Echo And The Bunnymen
2/5
3!
That's how many albums this band has on this list. Are you as shocked as me? You should be. It would have been a 1 from me, if it wasn't for "Pride", which had a cool proto-grunge sound. How many shitty Echo songs did I have to sift through to find this one gem?
2 needles in a haystack out of 5
Grizzly Bear
1/5
Makes Radiohead seem absolutely exuberant by comparison.
1 sedative outta fi....
The Pretty Things
2/5
Baron Saturday was a fantastic song. Everything else was middling at best, but nothing particularly bad. If Narduar actually made music, I'd imagine it would sound something like this.
toot-tu-tah loo-too
Penguin Cafe Orchestra
3/5
In the course of listening to this album, I ran through a wide gamut of emotions ranging from partially relaxed, to ambivalent, to bored, and back to relaxed.
3 penguins out of 5
🐧🐧🐧
Captain Beefheart & His Magic Band
3/5
For when the dinner guests have overstayed their welcome...
Drive-By Truckers
2/5
Lucky for them, I've been on a bit of an alt-country bend recently, so this came at the right time.
Unlucky for them, I've been on a bit of an alt-country bend recently, and heard much better.
Listen to Sixteen Horsepower if you want that good shit.
Dagmar Krause
3/5
I'm giving this a 3 because this list could use more variety of genres, but this couldn't be the best Brechtian cabaret album you could dig up, could it?
Syd Barrett
1/5
One of the more egregious, unnecessary inclusions on the list. To the rubbish bin with ya...
Kanye West
3/5
Should be called Kanye and the Chipmunks, but seriously, the features on here are insane.
Hot take: Workout Plan is still the GOAT Kanye song.
Culture Club
1/5
I threw in the towel so fast on this one, you'd think I was working in a laundromat.
1 precious hour of my life saved by not listening to this album out of 5
Kid Rock
1/5
How is this the 7th worst rated album on this list, and not the 1st?
Bruce Springsteen
1/5
If this album is any indication of life in Nebraska, then Nebraska is not a place I want to visit.
Herbie Hancock
5/5
This was a much needed respite after a particularly brutal week of Bruce Sprinsteen, Syd Barrett, Culture Club and Kid Rock. Sometimes the generator taketh, but today it giveth.
Baaba Maal
3/5
I leelii enjoyed djaming out to this.
Incubus
1/5
The whiny death throes of an angsty 20-something who failed to grow out of his edgelord teenage phase, set to misguided guitar riffs.
Digital Underground
3/5
Thought these guys were a one hit wonder, but the deep cuts on here kinda slap.
Fair play digital underground, do ya thang!
Sepultura
2/5
For when you need a woman repellent
Ali Farka Touré
4/5
Talk to me Ali!
Paul Revere & The Raiders
3/5
OK 1001 albums, I see you coming in with the deep cut, you thought I'd let my guard down after the 10th Bowie and 8th Beatles albums didn't you? Well, I kinda did, but nevertheless, this unearthed little gem is much appreciated.
Anita Baker
2/5
What did the helpless cookie dough say to the oven?
Jimi Hendrix
5/5
Hot take: "Manic Depression" is the greatest waltz of all time.
Tina Turner
2/5
For better or worse, Tina's best songs came from her Ike & Tina period. Is this really the album we're gonna go with here? It's mostly subpar covers, and poorly aged 80's ballads. A far cry from Nutbush City Limits.
John Lee Hooker
2/5
A collaboration on which a past his prime blues legend is supported by a cast of radio friendly, easily recognizable names whose purpose seems to be mostly restricted to helping move units.
Of course Santana would go on to replicate the formula years later on Supernatural.
Though the music ain't bad, this ain't the one.
Gotan Project
4/5
A surprisingly fresh and dynamic entry point into tango music for the modern listener not familiar with the genre. I appreciate this group and this album for helping to broaden my musical tastes all those years back when it came out.
🌹🌹🌹🌹
Randy Newman
2/5
In a parallel universe, where Randy Newman was never born, people never kept their hats on when having sex. The "hat" section of PornHub remained empty. The hat fetishists suffered greatly. It was, by all accounts, a miserable way to wank.
Two permissions to wear a hat out of five
🎩🎩
The Kinks
2/5
Released in 1966, Face to Face is a seminal album by the British rock band The Kinks, mostly noted for missing a golden opportunity to release a cleverly titled follow up 3 years later.
Death In Vegas
1/5
It's bad when the singer sings, and it's boring when he doesn't.
Linkin Park
1/5
Edgelord anthems
Devendra Banhart
3/5
Like Nick Drake with really stepped up production. Seriously, shout out to the sound engineers. As for the music, it actually kinda grew on me somewhat towards the end, I might end up regretting this later, but what the hell, have a 3 Devendra!
Baaba Maal
3/5
I learned 3 things from this album.
1 'Lalala' is universal as a non-lexical vocable.
2 Baaba loves him some reverb.
3 Pulaar is one of 14 official languages in Senegal, and is the most a laaden.
Crosby, Stills & Nash
3/5
Surprisingly not as dull as I expected from these three. Maybe the absence of Young is the ticket.
The Sensational Alex Harvey Band
1/5
I'll gladly stick two used tampons from two Vegas hookers in my ears and hope the subsequent infection renders me deaf, if it means I can avoid listening to anymore of this talentless 'sensation'.
The Chemical Brothers
2/5
Solid background music, nothing more, nothing less.
4/5
Underrated gem from a criminally underrated band.
George Jones
2/5
George Jones makes an ode to country artists better than him.
Silver Jews
1/5
Mediocre honky tonk, painfully cliche puns, and a vocalist (I refuse to call him a singer, mumbler maybe) who sounds like he would commit suicide, if only he could muster up the energy to pull the trigger.
The Who
4/5
Out of the 75 The Who albums on this list, this one is the best. Heavy guitars, restrained (somewhat vocals), and good selection of jams that blend seamlessly into each other.
Ice T
3/5
Starts off real hard, but runs out of steam in the second half.
The Modern Lovers
2/5
Roadrunner saves this album from middom
2 beeps out of 5
Faith No More
2/5
Mike Patton ABSOLUTELY deserves to be represented on this list, but for Mr. Bungle!!! For Mr. Bungle people! Not for this!
2 fumbles outta 5
🏈🏈
Stan Getz
4/5
Incredibly accessible, groovy, functions equally well for background music as for active listening.
4 repeat loops out of 5
🔃🔃🔃🔃
Milton Nascimento
4/5
There is a timeliness about it that's hard to pinpoint, but you just feel that it's there.
Ice Cube
2/5
Ice Cube spends most of the album doing his best Chuck D impersonation, then Chuck D shows up and blows him out of the water.
The Residents
2/5
A grating, highly irritating album. Don't listen in your car if you're prone to road rage. Second star because at least it's unique.
The Pogues
4/5
Any god that doesn't grace this band, is no god of mine.
4 rounds out of 5
The Good, The Bad & The Queen
1/5
Not good, not bad, sounds nothing like Queen, more like a watered down Gorillaz.
Magazine
4/5
Catchy, well written tunes. These guys surely deserve more recognition.
Bruce Springsteen
1/5
Putting a Springsteen album from 2002 on here is... a choice.
2/5
Whiny Brit-pop with the personality of a plate of mushed peas.
Simon & Garfunkel
3/5
These two sure knew how to write a pop tune.
Simon & Garfunkel
2/5
Two Garfunkel and Simon albums in a row. The other one was better though.
Cee Lo Green
3/5
Many great songs, but the album is just a bit too long.
3 overstayed welcomes out of 5
Eurythmics
3/5
Strong use of synths, maybe not every song has aged that well, but the importance and influence are undeniable.
Ananda Shankar
2/5
Covers of familiar songs with a touch of sitar. About as essential as a recording of me on the toilet after overestimating my ability to finish off the extra spicy plate of curry and the 7 beers that I washed it down with.
Drive Like Jehu
5/5
Oh yeah, pump that feedback into my veins!
Thundercat
3/5
Such great, groovy bass playing, if only the lyrics weren't absolute doo-doo.
Alice Cooper
2/5
There's already a good Alice Cooper album on here, why include a mediocre one?
The Lemonheads
1/5
It's a shame about this album
Lemon is synonymous with dud, and that's what this is, one lemon out of five
🍋
Eagles
2/5
Ooooh, Witch-ay Woman!
k.d. lang
1/5
K. D. Lang was about 30 years too late with her sound.
This is like when archaeologists find an artifact and are confused by the date. No, you didn't make a mistake with your carbon dating, the person who made that vase was just trying some sort of revivalist technique, but ended up confusing everyone.
The Youngbloods
3/5
Darkness Darkness is a monster song, the rest of the album doesn't really maintain that high standard, but has enough interesting moments to make worthwhile listen.
3 pairs of hiking boots out of 5
Blue Cheer
3/5
Well that was unexpected, can't believe I haven't heard of this album before. These guys could easily hold their own with MC5.
4/5
Second side is waaaay heavier than I expected. Well done Bob, you never disappoint!
Sonic Youth
4/5
More of this please!
Elvis Costello & The Attractions
2/5
This is phychopath music. I'd rather listen to a banana ripening. Or the last beat of a dying person's heart. Or the sound of a million horse hooves stepping on a million broken bottles. Sounds grim? You did this to me Costello! You fucking did this to me!
Nico
1/5
A deaf woman attempts to learn English by singing meaningless AI generated lyrics that she clearly doesn't understand. Nor do I for that matter.
Coldcut
4/5
These guys held up a record store, and while getting away they threw on every record they got their hands on, and it sounded like...
Paul McCartney and Wings
2/5
Hey lads, let's start our album with a couple of Beatlesesque pop tunes for old times sake, then move to some slow rumba, what do you say?
Yeah, then we can transition to a circus type jingle, follow that up with an Elvis-y ballad.
I wonder if we could nab some of that Paul Simon Graceland sound at some point?
Certainly! Then a dramatic Clapton type bluesy number, then a drunkenly sing-a-long, then...
How about a rambunctious piano toe tapper to close it out? Paul can even do his redneck hillbilly voice that he's so good at!
Top notch ideas lads! The key here is to keep the listener on their toes. What's the use of worrying about consistency, throw everything we got at them.
Two kitchen sinks out of five.
Deep Purple
1/5
The most masturbatory album I've heard yet. Between the singing and the guitar solos... just rock wankery all around.
Marty Robbins
2/5
Buster Scruggs the musical.
The Prodigy
3/5
Good for a cardio workout.
Slipknot
1/5
So edgy I took a knife and cut myself because the world is dark and everything is violence and no one understands me...
Happy Mondays
1/5
Seeing the artist name, album title and cover, I excitedly prepared a night's worth of ex, a full bottle of lube and my favorite bum plug. Waited for Monday to roll around, called in sick to work, threw on "Country Song", and... this isn't bumming music... no one is getting bummed to this... it sure as hell isn't happy.. Song after song after song, the realization started to set in, that I grossly misinterpreted the theme of this album. I switched to Lady Gaga, Depeche Mode, Madonna, even Prince, anything to save the mood. But it was too late. The room stunk of limp synthesizer chords, winy British inflections and self-pity.
My day was ruined. Dejected, I headed off to work. On my way, I lubed up the stairs in front of the old lady's house down the street, gave my happy pills to some school children, and left my bum plug on a drinking fountain in front of the center for the blind.
This album ruined my day, and I was determined to ruin someone else's. Listen to it, and it will ruin yours.
Ozomatli
1/5
Lame ass attempts to fuse Latin music with whatever flavor of pop/hip-hop was trending at the time. While there are some fun grooves, this is one you most certainly do NOT need to listen to you before you die.
The Thrills
1/5
Another non-de-script indie band, not from UK, but from Ireland this time! Whoop di fucking whoo!
Creedence Clearwater Revival
2/5
The singer is trying too hard. Dude with the bicycle is rad as fuck though, so extra star for him.
Fiona Apple
3/5
Your incredibly talented, but highly obnoxious, overly emotional little sister just went through a break up and decided to come over to let off some steam.
Green Day
3/5
As good as you can expect from a middle aged punk band.
Pentangle
3/5
Great bass playing, Train Song was the highlight.
3 butter churning maidens out of 5
Janis Joplin
4/5
One of the better classic rock albums on here.
The Byrds
2/5
Thirstier than a fish in a desert.
Happy Mondays
1/5
Two Happy Mondays albums in a week? Is this some sort of a prank? Why not have something good on here instead?
Hey you, you reading this, skip this shit and go listen to Foetus instead.
Happy Mondays my ass...
Marilyn Manson
2/5
Beautiful People is a fun song, but the constant whisper singing through clenched teeth gets a little repetitive.
For dark, depressing music with Antichrist vibes but without the cliches and formulas, go listen to Diamanda Galas.
Traffic
2/5
It's OK, but what is the essential element I'm missing here?
Beatles
1/5
It's just not very good is it? On top of being long and obnoxious.
Neil Young
1/5
I just can't handle anymore Neil Young y'all, I just can't.
Blur
1/5
Feels like I've listened to a soundtrack to a shitty British sitcom, where the characters are all unrelateable posh wankers.
Joy Division
3/5
Nice ending. Reminded me of The Stooges a little.
1/5
Music for people who buy insurance for their sofa, cosider salt a spice, and 'stay up' till 10:30 on weekends to watch re-runs of Frasier.
The Boo Radleys
1/5
Right album, wrong artist.
Songhoy Blues
4/5
May I interest you in some good music?
The Temptations
5/5
Like the first breath of spring after a long winter, this is an album that whispers to the heart, caresses the soul, and takes you on a journey in every direction, the healing power of which will linger with you long after the music fades.
Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds
2/5
First song was pretty good, the rest is just melodramatic and unnecessary.
The United States Of America
3/5
There are like 10 artists on this albums, each with their own musical ideas, some good, some unfortunate. A little something for everyone.
Miriam Makeba
5/5
Great songs and a brilliant voice!
Garbage
3/5
Chock full of essential bangers that no 90's revival party should be without.
Tricky
3/5
Pretty good, but this really slaps if you play it at 1.25x speed on YT
Paul Simon
1/5
When not being carried by Garfinkel, Simon is reduced to making white-washed reggae and bland guitar ballads. Album is a snoozefest.
1 ZZZZ out of 5
Rod Stewart
1/5
I dislike this adamantly. It's just blues without the soul, infused with a cheap poppiness, yet still lacking any catchiness.
Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young
2/5
2nd star for the line "Let my freak flag fly".
The Velvet Underground
3/5
Heroin was a great song. Can't stand Nico.
The Mothers Of Invention
4/5
ASMR started here. Sure it's mostly nonsense, but it's catchy nonsense goddamit, and I just.. I just kinda dig it ya know?
Black Sabbath
3/5
Ozzy's voice and lyrics remind me of Stimpy from Ren & Stimpy. He just sounds like someone who got dropped on his head as a child. Multiple times. Luckily the rest of the band carries... HARD!
3 bashes to the noggin with a wooden log out of 5
Emmylou Harris
3/5
Overproduced, overly sappy, but great voice, and decent band.
3 loves lost out of 5
Tears For Fears
2/5
Once a one hit wonder,
Now an entry blunder
2 shouts you can do without out of 5
Napalm Death
2/5
Music is alright, but I don't speak Napalmi, so couldn't understand the lyrics.
The Offspring
3/5
Dookie Lite
The Pogues
5/5
Rum, sodomy and the lash, my 3 favorite things! How could I not give this a 5?
Mylo
1/5
As I've hit the home stretch of this 1001 album endeavor, the generator has resorted to spewing forth all of the shitty, generic British electronica albums that I've largely been spared thus far. Majority of them are mostly bland and fade into the background. But THIS, THIS alternates between bland background music, and highly irritating spoken word passages that make me want to pull my hair out. Under no circumstances does anything by Mylo need to be listened to before you die.
If this was a list of 1,000,001 albums you needed to hear, and there were a total of 1,000,000 albums in existence, THIS would still need to be left off the list.
Soft Machine
1/5
Pre-bloody-tentious
Moby
3/5
This was surprisingly better then what I remember from Moby.
3 whales outta 5
🐳🐳🐳
Butthole Surfers
4/5
Thus the Lord God showed me, and behold, He was forming a locust-swarm when the spring crop began to sprout. And behold, Jeremiah the technician prayed to Lord, and verily the Lord's wrath and pestilence was aborted.
And thus sayeth Jeremiah unto the Lord...
SATAN SATAN SATAN
And replieth the Lord God...
KUNT KUNT KUNT
Sepultura
3/5
I like when they sing in Portuguese better.
Stephen Stills
2/5
Thoroughly disappointed with the lack of man asses.
Dr. John
5/5
Gris gris is a voodoo amulet that acts as a kind of medicine that protects one from evil. Well this doctor has the right prescription.
May this album be your medicine, and may no misfortune infiltrate your life, and may no evil grab a hold in your soul, jock-a-mo fi na dey.
Michael Jackson
3/5
The finale of Smooth Criminal and Dirty Diana is untouchable, but were some weak tracks to get there.
Hawkwind
3/5
Space is the place
Joy Division
3/5
Sounds like punk for people afraid to get their hands dirty or their jeans ripped.
Miles Davis
4/5
Miles always had the best album names.
Suede
2/5
Melancholy britpop of the bland variety.
Jerry Lee Lewis
3/5
Non-stop, balls to the wall, piano destroying energy. Minus points for an over-reliance on other musicians' material.
Thrrrrrree rrrrrroling arrrrrrrs out of five.
The Vines
3/5
Was ready to write this off as another generic 2000's indie band after the first few songs, but there are a handful decent songs in here. It's too bad there tucked in between some real dirge.
For the patient amongst you.
Kacey Musgraves
1/5
Rural Taylor Swift
Scritti Politti
1/5
They all sound incredibly embarrassed to be making this music, as well they should be. A lot of commenters mentioned what this sounds like. To me, it's the rehearsal tape of an 80's high school band preparing for their first high school talent show, 24 hours before they get unceremoniously heckled off stage.
Soul II Soul
1/5
What's most mind-boggling to me, is that this had a 10th anniversary edition. It implies someone still wanted to listen to this watered down and cliched amalgamation of soul and electronic music in 1999. Although looking at what was popular in 1999, maybe it's not so surprising.
1 unceremonious thumb down out of 5
Joni Mitchell
2/5
Normally I'd rather to a chalkboard being scratched for an hour than a Joni Mitchell album, but this one was an unexpected surprise, mostly thanks to the superb bass playing. Of course it was Jaco Pastorius!
Best song is Black Crow.
Todd Rundgren
3/5
For when you've heard everything, and want to hear it all again, within a short 50 minute span.
Django Django
2/5
Inoffensive and completely forgettable django pop.
Country Joe & The Fish
3/5
Honestly, this album doesn't do much for me, but what it does do it does pretty well. For a moment there I felt myself transported to the sixties, hair past my shoulders, wearing nothing but a pair of ripped bellbottoms, just smokin' and orgying my days away.
ZZ Top
2/5
Did I just hear an ode to TV dinners?
The xx
2/5
At best it's a budget Weeknd, at BEST!
At worst it's meddling, forgettable dirge.
John Martyn
2/5
Just a decent John Martyn album.
Paul Simon
1/5
Pointless, uninspired, cheesy lyrics over dull and equally cheesy orchestration. This is another one of those filling out the numbers with a familiar name entries.
The Style Council
1/5
Attempt to do every style of music, none of them competently.
Underworld
2/5
Sigh...
British electronica...
Can you tell I'm over 900 albums in?
At least it's better than Mylo.
Roni Size
2/5
Music for watching grass grow.
2 bags of fertilizer out of 5
🌱🌱
Grant Lee Buffalo
2/5
There were some good moments, but they were too few and far between. I'd love to tell you what they were, but my memory is a little...
Leonard Cohen
3/5
Some excellent guitar playing on teacher!
Cypress Hill
4/5
Cuddlin' with my shortie, hand on the rump,
Left hand on a tittie, THINK I FELT A LUMP!
Finger in her pussy, DIDN'T MAKE HER JUMP!
La la la la la la la la
Jeff Buckley
4/5
If 'majestic' had a soundtrack.
The Streets
1/5
Irrelevant, banal lyrics under the guise of a "concept album" delivered with the rapping skill of a drunken chav trying to teach his bastard child to talk, and the charisma of a soggy biscuit.
Astrud Gilberto
2/5
Of all the great samba music out there, you had to pick the most gringo washed one. Where is Tom Ze? Gal Costa? Where is Chico Buarque??!?
The genre deserves better. Brazil deserves better.
Barry Adamson
2/5
A soundtrack to movie that was never made.
A menu for a meal that was never cooked.
Soil for a seed that was never sowed.
A name for a child that was never born.
Rage Against The Machine
5/5
Finally, some much needed adrenaline in this bitch!
Scott Walker
3/5
Scott Walker had a peculiar and meandering career. On this album, among many other things, we can hear the precursor to the typical "James Bond" sound. Scott would of course go on to record a track for the World is Not Enough in the 90's.
However, it is this listener's opinion, that the real essential Scott Walker albums came during his resurgence in the early 2000's, those albums are of course missing from the list. Start with 2006's "The Drift", and work your way from there. It's just... way more interesting.
The Slits
2/5
I'm gonna take a wild guess, and say that The Slits were probably exponentially better as a live band than an album band.
Bee Gees
1/5
First thoughts... huh, an iconic disco group attempted to make their own "Pet Sounds", and failed terribly.
Upon checking the release year... huh, this predates disco by a decade, makes the history of the Bee Gees that much more peculiar, but the album no more interesting or listenable.
The Beach Boys
2/5
Smells like hair tonic, milk and a hint of horny teenage desperation.
Neil Young & Crazy Horse
3/5
Not a Neil Young fan, but Fuckin Up is such a relatable song, and the guitars on here are really solid. Maybe after 20 Neil Young albums I've finally found the gateway?
The Waterboys
2/5
Johnny! Stop fiddling yourself!
Megadeth
3/5
Lightning Bolt
3/5
Some great tunes on here, I particularly liked the noisy, screechy one with the singing through the busted megaphone.
The Divine Comedy
1/5
Rank Sinatra
Bruce Springsteen
2/5
What will become of this album, when the last few trucks become self driving?
Beatles
2/5
The transition album from the bubblegum Beatles to the drugged out Beatles. Cheap music, tacky lyrics, and although John hadn't reached his full sanctimony just yet, the hints of domestic abuse are already present.
Sonic Youth
4/5
This album was badly needed in 1988, and it's badly needed now. Especially on this list.
N.W.A.
2/5
I get that at the time it probably sounded tough or whatever, but in the post DMX, post Biggie world lines like "I'ma kick your ass" just sound silly. Production is on point though.
Gang Of Four
3/5
Haven't heard of them before, not bad, better than the majority of Brit-post-punk on here.
The Verve
3/5
Never knew The Verve had more to offer than their one violin laden hit. Turns out they're a much better band than that song suggests. Live and learn.
Billy Joel
3/5
It's as cheesy as I expected, but also surprisingly good, in the first half at least. On the fence between a 2 and a 3, but will bump it up to a 3, because let's face it, this is good as you'll get for this brand of adult contemporary soft rock.
David Bowie
3/5
Felt like Bowie was trying a bunch of new things, some of which worked, some not so much.
Burning Spear
4/5
An indisputably classic reggae album you need to hear.
Kate Bush
4/5
This is the best Kate Bush album on here, and also the best of what I like to call the overly dramatic shouting broad genre, standing head and shoulders above the likes of Bjork and Fiona Apple.
Sebadoh
1/5
Aggressively amateurish, at times comically bad, at best hopelessly generic.
David Ackles
2/5
At least it's an interesting listen, but like most narrative based showtune type songs, it's only interesting for a single listen.
Dion
2/5
A little country, a little gospel, a lotta tediousness.
The Shamen
1/5
It might have been listenable otherwise, were it not for the 'MC'. Surely you could have found a better acid house album to put on here?
The KLF
2/5
OK, getting this back-to-back with En-Tact from The Shamen is just rubbing salt into a wound. If you want good sample heavy electronic music, how about some Amon Tobin instead?
The Go-Betweens
1/5
So like one catchy song followed by an album of low effort filler? Is this what we're doing now?
Michael Kiwanuka
5/5
Is this man even capable of making a bad song?
The Young Gods
4/5
Fantastic! This is the kind of music I've been waiting for from the generator for far too long. A heavy metal Francophone Tom Waits? Yes please!
Finley Quaye
1/5
Yep, invocing ''the rule'' on this one.
Hugh Masekela
4/5
Personally I would have gone with Hedzolleh Sounds, but you can't really miss with any Hugh album.
Sabu
4/5
Some unnecessary hate for this one, not everything needs the Buena Vista Social Club tourist friendly sheen.
Robert Wyatt
1/5
If you're a fan of Robert's demure mumble crooning, you're gonna love this one, the rest of us have little to hang our hats on.
Derek & The Dominos
2/5
Pretty much what the title of the album says, one hit song and assorted filler.
Cowboy Junkies
3/5
Talented band and great recording. If only they had better original material and relied less on covers, it would have made this a much better album.
Serge Gainsbourg
2/5
Shhh.... don't fight it little girl, it'll be over before you know it.
The Sugarcubes
3/5
You don't need to hear everything Bjork has ever put to wax, but this actually slaps. Like seriously, could be up there with her best work.
Love
3/5
The remnants of a hippie dream, lost but not forgotten.
Queen
3/5
Harmony - thy art a delight and a nuisance.
Skepta
2/5
Bruv, man's just listened to Skepta’s Konnichiwa and man’s disappointed still.
Dis album is a joke ting, yeah, it’s so moist man can’t even be mad, I’m actually in tears. Recommend if you enjoy cringe lyrics and wasteman energy. Man’s vexed I’ve gotta rate it.
Absolute violation, still.
King Crimson
5/5
Everything Pink Floyd fans claim PF to be, but isn't.
Ray Charles
2/5
I used to think labels such as "post-rock" and "post-punk" were pretentious and uncreative. But if these sounds are modern, then the need for "post-modern" becomes self-evident. Or does it? What even is "modern" in the context of history?
I went off topic. The music itself is fine. Ray Charles has better albums.
Genesis
2/5
Maybe it's not fair that I should get this just 2 days after Crimson King, but this prog rock novicepiece seriously lacks some much needed epicness. If there is one thing a prog rock album needs to have - it is epicness. The singer's warbly voice and cringy lyrics don't help their cause.
Oasis
1/5
I despise this
Aimee Mann
1/5
Bland cookie cutter pop. Makes me wanna change the station.
The Adverts
4/5
British punk strikes again! Maybe it's the bottle of wine I just downed, or the Stilton cheese, but this is some grade A bougie punk that I can get down with!
Moby Grape
2/5
On the forgettable side of the hippy tidal wave.
fIREHOSE
2/5
Snappy guitar playing, bland everything else.
Soundgarden
3/5
How the hell do you "wash away the rain"? Isn't it the rain that washes away things? Why does a black hole sun wash the rain away? I bet this song Neil Degrasse Tyson crazy.
The Beta Band
2/5
The background music to an ambivalent stupor.
Leonard Cohen
1/5
I don't think melancholy Leonard would appreciate all the enthusiasm he's getting here
Pere Ubu
1/5
Would expect nothing less from a Jehova's Witness
PJ Harvey
3/5
PJ's voice compliments the hard guitars well. Not much else to say, an overall enjoyable listen.
2/5
Maybe
Deep Purple
1/5
How about some actual Japanese music on this list instead? Like Ground Zero, that's the kind of thing I wanna hear!
Afrika Bambaataa
5/5
It's Kraftwerk that you can dance to!
The Rolling Stones
2/5
Some interesting ideas, but so far from a coherent, complete album. The country tunes in partictlar were ill advised.
Tom Waits
1/5
I like Tom, but this is low effort Tom that I'm not sure even Tom completists would vouch for. The back up band is solid, but Tom's ramblings add nothing. Don't let this album turn you off Tom though. This just happens to be in the bottom tier of Tom's discography.
U2
3/5
Much heavier (read better) than I expected from this reverb laden band and their stuffy nosed singer.
Method Man
3/5
1994, what a year for hip hop music!
Throbbing Gristle
2/5
As far as fax machine noises interspersed with random conversation clips goes, this is the cream of the crop, but as far as gristles go, this one is more flaccid than throbbing.
2 viagra pills out of 5
The National
1/5
A clearly fatigued man with an unpleasant baritone struggles to get through torturous and cliched lyrics while the band struggles to build up to a cinematic crescendo, but seems to give up half way through when they just can't seem to muster up the necessary energy.
No, it's not subdued, it's musical myalgic encephalomyelitis.
Tracy Chapman
3/5
Subdued socially conscious music with lots of variety, not always for the best though. Shout out to Larry Klein, who kills it on the bass!
The Damned
3/5
Yeah, I can listen to this.
CHIC
3/5
They don't make 'em like CHIC anymore, everyone's too cool these days, too image conscious.
Need more freaks in the music biz.
Arcade Fire
4/5
Hated the other Arcade Fire albums, but this one proved to be an engaging, cinematic, vibrant masterpiece.
Todd Rundgren
1/5
Todd Rundgren has the distinguished talent of making an absurdely long album where every song sucks, but sucks in a completely unique way.
SAULT
4/5
I dug it, chill vibes with catchy melodies and some subtle but poignant social commentary.
The Bees
2/5
3 for enjoyability
1 for importance
Averages to a 2
Black midi would have been a better inclusion
Guided By Voices
1/5
These songs aren't unfinished, they're barely started.
Lynyrd Skynyrd
3/5
Whole lotta guitar noodling, and some surprisingly groovy redneck funk. Much respect to the bassist too!
Fugazi
4/5
Finally something I can vibe to!
Love
2/5
It's like a summary of all the psychedelic tropes that were big in the 60's, but done just poorly enough to be forgetten by everyone, except the compilers of this list apparently.
The Undertones
3/5
Youtube's autoplay followed this seamlessly with early Beastie Boys, and the transition worked perfectly. Nothing groundbreaking here, but a decent album to get the blood pumping.
The Police
1/5
Only thing worse than this album is the awful take about 'true black reggae' that somehow made it into the top 3 reviews, but looking at the user's summary page, it's either a troll account or a deeply traumatized individual or both.
Destiny's Child
2/5
Me at the all you can eat:
"I don't think you're ready for this belly!"
Suede
3/5
I am a dog
I am a man
I am a star
The world is my stage
And Suede is my soundtrack
Siouxsie And The Banshees
5/5
Every song left me soaked in eargasmic juices. By Voodoo Dolly the euphoria had reached levels not experienced since Fun House. What juju is this, and where can I get more?
Elvis Costello & The Attractions
1/5
This album made me vomit blood and shit chocolate.
Pantera
2/5
What are they so angry about?
3/5
It's good, but how about some Baile Funk too?
Cocteau Twins
2/5
The thing about dream pop, is you're never quite sure if you've actually listened to it, or it was all just a dream.
2 snooze button taps out of 5
Cheap Trick
2/5
The "If You're Happy and You Know It" of hard rock.
Maxwell
4/5
The opposite of birth control.
Jane Weaver
3/5
A fun and interesting listen with some catchy melodies. Architect was the best song.
The Beta Band
2/5
It's OK for a lazy Sunday morning, beyond that, temper your expectations.l
The Verve
2/5
A northern bore
Shack
1/5
Lullabies to agonize
Billie Holiday
4/5
Simple, beautiful, to the point.
Kanye West
2/5
While I appreciate a tasteful sample or reworking of a song, there are certain songs you DO NOT TOUCH unless you have the integrity to preserve their gravity, Strange Fruit is one such song.
Otherwise, most of the production on here is pretty decent, if only someone else could rap over these beats.
John Lennon
1/5
Oh God, I got this back to back with Yeezus, my IQ dropped by 20 points over two days.
Orchestral Manoeuvres In The Dark
2/5
A rather tedious mix of Britpop/new wave and some experimental noise and ambient sounds.
If you're like me and have already surpassed the 1000 album mark, you've hear this type of "sound" 100s of times already.
2 "whatevers" out of 5
Aerosmith
3/5
Aerosmith is simultaneously the most overachieving and the most underachieving band in history, depending on which song you're listening to.
Fatboy Slim
3/5
The soundtrack to an endless chase scene in a modestly budgeted 90s movie.
Mott The Hoople
2/5
Went right over my head, left me underwhelmed
Badly Drawn Boy
2/5
Badly sung songs
Simply Red
4/5
Simply Red’s Picture Book is immaculate—sleek, airbrushed soul dressed immaculately in an Armani suit. Hucknall’s voice is desperate but controlled, like someone begging for mercy while you adjust your tie in the mirror. The horns on “Money’s Too Tight (to Mention)” cut clean, surgical, almost erotic in their sharpness. It’s not revolutionary, but it doesn’t have to be; it radiates style, a perfect veneer. Listening to it, I imagine blood on polished marble, perfectly symmetrical, drying quietly while the chorus plays. It’s beautiful, really.
Animal Collective
3/5
I can't distinguish between all these indie rock bands, but this one has a cool cover and opening song.
The Coral
4/5
When the wine soaked jambouree has wound down, and you wipe that improv actresses' make up off your cheek, pick up your sweat soaked shirt from off the chandelier, and stumble into the street, as you stagger between the dawn lit garbage collectors, stray cats and early morning joggers whose presence evokes both guilt and pity, and struggle as you may to stay up on your feet, the sound of Shadows Fall still ringing in your ears, of all the poor decisions you'll be questioning from that night, including The Coral on the list of 1001 must listen albums won't be one of them, cause you gotta do what you can when you're a bad man!
Depeche Mode
4/5
The masses approve
Sister Sledge
3/5
The way she sings "Viarucci"... oohhh lord... gives me a tingle in places.. y'know?
a-ha
3/5
I gotta applaud 80s musicians - they laid it all out there, took risks that would be ridiculed today.
3 hearts on a sleeve out of 5
🧡🧡🧡
The Saints
2/5
Guy on the cover looks tired. He sounds tired too. Punk without the oomph. At least it's not the British pop girl group The Saints, which is what I feared for from this list when the name came up.
Willie Nelson
2/5
Willie Nelson does show tunes. Does them well enough, but why? Why you gotta do Willie dirty like that?
Britney Spears
2/5
Britney may not have the voice of an angel...
That's... that's all I got.
👼👼
Arrested Development
4/5
Fun and creative, with great beats and most importantly - no cringey skits, a rarity in 90s hip hop!
Sade
4/5
Smoother than a cashmere codpiece, and just as satisfying.
Incredible Bongo Band
3/5
Bongofied covers of your favorite 70s hits. Way better than you'd expect honestly!
Portishead
3/5
If 3 AM had a sound.
TV On The Radio
4/5
Holy mother of Scott Walker and the 7 heavenly Bjorks... an indie rock album that doesn't gargle balls, but gargles melodies instead! Sign me the fuck up, and keep the engine running!
Femi Kuti
4/5
No nepotism here, this man holds up his father's legacy brilliantly!
Missy Elliott
2/5
When you need a badly articulated monologue to explain why your pussy is the most interesting thing you have to talk about... it's not a good sign. Also, too many ripped off classic verses. Good beats though.
Yes
3/5
If you want a whimsy, wimpy King Crimson
Sonic Youth
4/5
Further evidence that rock music peaked in the early 90s.
3/5
The kind of goofy, irreverent goodness that makes 60's psychedelia not only tolerable, but thoroughly enjoyable.
Morrissey
1/5
Hey Morris, here's one more thing for you to complain about...
The Velvet Underground
4/5
About 100x better than that banana album everybody drools over.
Sister Ray is a showstopper!
White Denim
2/5
It's good but just so damn ordinary
Neu!
3/5
It was meandering and indecisive, until the German Jonny Rotten came in on 'Hero' and rescued the day!
George Michael
4/5
Some might say GM is cheezy or whatever, but here's the key - he leans into it, HARD. And when an artist does it so wholeheartedly, so earnestly, it kinda just works. So go on and slay George!
4 hearts on 4 sleeves out of 5
The Black Keys
4/5
This is mostly catchy, simple, straight forward blues rock that is mostly about the vibes. It seems a lot of reviewers on here have made the mistake of overthinking and over-intellectualizing it, don't make the same mistake.
The Gun Club
4/5
Top notch discovery! Every song is sock removing, mind exploding revelation!
Big Star
1/5
If you're gonna do something, do it well, or shut the fuck up. Big Star failed to do either.
It's people like this that give a bad name to incest.
Rocket From The Crypt
4/5
Music to pierce your nipples to.
Kings of Leon
1/5
They heard Queens of the Stoneage and decided to be the opposite, by making shitty unmemorable music.
Miles Davis
5/5
If selecting one recording to send to aliens to represent the human race, this would be a valid choice.
Kings of Leon
1/5
Not even the band's mothers have listened to all three KOL albums, you don't need to either.
Captain Beefheart & His Magic Band
4/5
Abba Zaba is one of the greatest things ever committed to wax, the rest is pretty good too.
The Byrds
2/5
Chyrp chyrp
Siouxsie And The Banshees
4/5
This band has been one of my favorite recent discoveries from the list, so imagine my excitement when I saw another album of theirs pop up today. And it did not disappoint! Ready for a Banshee binge!
The Darkness
1/5
Once the novelty wore off 30 seconds in, I was stuck listening to a very unpleasant high pitched squealing man for the remainder of the album. An experience I do not wish on anyone.
Machito
2/5
Kenya? More like an uneventful trip through the safer parts of Miami.
Ms. Dynamite
2/5
The good songs are good but run too long and lack variety, there are no bad songs per se, but plenty of filler.
The Incredible String Band
1/5
An unfunny and untalented Monty Python impersonation.
The War On Drugs
1/5
Hmmm.. maybe some drugs would make your music better...
Ian Dury
1/5
A weird cockney pervert with the most unsexy voice in the world unleashes the pent up sexual frustrations from his teenage years onto the microphone, and all of us just suffer along with him.
Malcolm McLaren
2/5
Cultural appropriation the musical.
King Crimson
4/5
God the sound on here is an audiophile's wet dream. That cello, oh my!
The Sabres Of Paradise
1/5
Discount bin dancehall
1/5
Screetch from Saved by the Bell is all grown up, and not taking your shit anymore, so you better check yourself before you wreck yourself!
Slipknot
2/5
This came the day after Chocolate Starfish, the bar was basically embedded into the concrete, but they cleared it. With a push.
Gang Starr
3/5
Lyrics hit and miss, beats untouchable
Astor Piazzolla
4/5
Tango that goes harder than many a rock album.
Aretha Franklin
3/5
I never listened to an album the way I listened to you
Khaled
4/5
Like the arrival lounge at an international airport with one very cheerful cabbie.
The Black Crowes
2/5
Talk about being late to the party!
Wilco
1/5
So apparently indie country is a thing - wish it wasn't...
The Birthday Party
3/5
Doesn't deserve the low rating.
Oh, you don't want this at your birthday party? You'd rather have Neil Fucking Young or Radiohead, you sad sack of celebratory shortcomings?
G. Love & Special Sauce
2/5
Truly forgettable
Wild Beasts
2/5
Two dancers, two starts, get me more dancers, get more stars.
Bob Dylan
3/5
Sounds at times like Bob Dylan doing an impersonation of Norm MacDonald doing an impersonation of Bob Dylan.
Probably a 4/5 album, but only a 3/5 when compared to the rest of Bob's catalogue.
Little Simz
4/5
Finally, a British album that actually deserves this spot!
Morrissey
1/5
Argh, Jimmy Carr set out to destroy comedy, and his long lost brother set out to destroy music.
Gil Scott-Heron
4/5
Sho nuff groovy, now hit the lick one time stick!
k.d. lang
2/5
I get that the talent is there, but these songs are staler than the unsalted crackers in the back of your grandma's kitchen cabinet that she bought on sale in 2003, in case the guests wanted something with their tea. Well the only guest was the plumber, and grandma's crackers were not what he was after, if you catch my drift. So the crackers were left uneaten, just as k.d.'s talents were left unfulfilled. But not grandma's. When she seductively dropped her dentures into the saline solution, no amount of Lilth Fair fare would prevent our heroic plumber from plugging up grandma's leaky drain. And when the job was done, beaming satisfaction eminated from them them, while you, the poor grandson or granddaughter, sat in the basement miserable, listening to k.d. lang playing a game of grand theft genre that would make Paul Simon proud.
Beth Orton
2/5
Basically just a Joni Mitchell tribute band.
Justin Timberlake
2/5
Surprisingly decent, with some innovative production, but should have ended about 30 minutes sooner.
Steely Dan
2/5
Don't bother counting down, ecstasy is NOT happening!
The Human League
2/5
I've never realized how much I appreciate human drummers.
Supergrass
1/5
Can't sing? Run your voice through a distortion filter.
Can't play? Just bang out some basic staccato chords in a rhythmic pattern.
Can't write anything meaningful to say? Just string together some generic lyrics about young love and teenage angst or some such.
Now you got the recipe for Superass.
CHIC
4/5
The prophets CHIC told us of the good times, and thus they were, cares abandoned, disciples staying up all night, all was good, and all were happy. But something happened, and people got arrogant, they didn't protect the good times. By all accounts the intoduction of the drum machine was the beginning of the end. The good times slowly vanished.
But a prophecy tells of another, a second coming, one who will rise up and bring the good times back. Bring back back the groove and the platform shoes. But until that day, we sit, and wait, and reminisce, of the good times.
Iron Butterfly
1/5
One hit wonder and the one hit is a tedious, meandering slog that milks a catchy bassline for all it's worth.
Neil Young
2/5
Some good songs on here like Southern Man, and nice guitar work too, but Neil Young has the voice of an 80 year old shrew.
Orbital
2/5
As far as bleeps and ploops go, it's not the worst.
Dennis Wilson
3/5
Didgeridoos and horns and songs about rivers,
Whimsy guitars that give you the shivers,
Heavenly harmonies over ethereal strings,
These are a few of my tolerable things...
Liz Phair
2/5
''Can you believe she wrote all these songs by herself?''
''Yes''
Elbow
2/5
It had it's moments, I suppose...
Mekons
1/5
Ian Dury has some competition for the title of the worst vocalist on this list.
TV On The Radio
4/5
Delighted to see a second album from these guys on here!
Röyksopp
3/5
Works wonders after a stressful day.
Fela Kuti
4/5
If you just put 1001 Fela albums on here (and there probably are 1001 Fela albums out there), it wouldn't bother me one bit!
Joan Armatrading
2/5
A fistful of wistful.
Holger Czukay
1/5
Coula been good if it wasn't for the crap singing. No way this came from the leader of Can... I'm shocked and heartbroken...
Germs
4/5
Great tunes, too bad about the shit mix, but that's punk for ya!
Slayer
3/5
Basically early Metallica, sped up, sloppier, with a slightly worse singer, but certainly more testosterone.
Big Black
5/5
My journey of 1001+ albums started 3.5 years ago with Lou Reed's Transformer. Some albums along the way were revisits of old favorites. Some were etched in memory when coinciding with significant life events. I still remember where I was and what I was doing while listening to a few of them. Many faded into a cloud of indifference and obscurity. Some were brilliant discoveries that became parts of my regular rotation.
Today, the beautiful cacophony of Big Black's Atomizer completes my journey. Maybe it's a bit of sentimentality, or maybe it really is a brilliant piece of musicianship, after all, I've only given out 61 5's until now, but fuck it, for all the hate I've given this list, I don't think I could have asked for a better finale.
Here's to music, friends..