1984

i don't love this album or even like Van Halen. I did listen though, the guitar is no joke here. With that being said i give 2.5/10

Best track was the opening 1.07 min intro. Jump has been overplayed for the last 40 years. Didn’t like them in the 80’s and nothing has changed since. Luckily it was only 33 minutes long. Wont be listening to this again.

One track out of nine is pretty poor. Having said that, the one is a massive classic. 80s, misogynistic. The cover artwork screams all sorts of wrong, white angel smoking, rebel without a cause. That was the evolving 80s for you, some of it better dead and buried.

When I listen to this album I feel nothing. Nothing happens. Nobody cares. Very much of-its-era and not a great era to be of. Lyrics don't mean anything in this era. Emotion? No. No emotion. Progression? No. No progression. Passion? To some, maybe, but this legitimately just sounds like some white guy who can't sing trying to sound cool. Basically equivalent of bad pop punk. I kinda like jump because it's the only one which feels kinda fun. Side note: Not sure if I'm committed to this idea yet, but I might try to do an exact normal distribution of albums. I usually have a hard time with the lower end of a normal distribution, but right out of the gate I have two 1/5s so it might be TOO downskewed. So far the worst album I've listened to on thsi list, but to be fair it's only the second.

Wet, microwaved, cardboard crust. Way too much red sauce. Chunky, high-moisture mozzarella. They might say, "Hey, at least it's still pizza." But is it? The culinary abomination you're putting in your mouth, because you have to eat something, right? Is it? Is it even pizza...?

File under Frat Boy nonsense.

Boring crap album for shit dads

D.N.L.

Horrible, dated rock. I particularly dislike the drumming and bass guitar, as well as the singing and the stupid lyrics.

I know you’ll hate me for this. But it’s really bad, it’s fart rock, it’s the worst front man of all time and a guy shredding. It’s a band I never understood, I hate the songs Jump and Hot for teacher so fucking much. It’s 1980s USA capitalism and cocaine rock, 4th of July BBQ-core. Pls don’t leave me.

Cannot stand Van Halen. Boring, predictable hair rock. Awful period in music.

Not good

We should never speak of this album again. Awful! And yet, as I write this (on my hols, in a local cafe), you'll never guess what's just come on the radio. Go ahead and jump!!

Ох як же мене бісить ван хален 80х, особливо трек Джамп. Я просто ненавиджу це клавішне інтро, а ще більше ненавиджу кліп.

I skipped most of it tbh hot for teacher: I don’t get the point of this long ass intro I’ll wait : the best atp hate these long intros 😑 house of pain : the best I would’ve put 1,5 stars but I can’t so 1 it is

This does nothing for me at all Can imagine them being a fun time live, but it's not interesting listening to this at home. Also grown men saying they're "hot for teacher" is just weird

I hated this.

Rock is not my vibe

stinks. jump is good.

Nah

I can still recall when this record launched. I listened to it a few times and remember being disappointed more at each listen. I feel they were departing from the "heavier" rock sound into more of a lighter hair band sound like Poison and the rest. Panama is the only song on this record worth listening to. I think I ended up throwing it in the trash.

You can’t argue this album made lots of people rich, and so epic in one way. But essential?

From the sublime to the ridiculous. Spent the day listening to Cyndi Lauper's She's So Unusual instead.

a mild foot tap to Jump & then I lost interest.

Awful. I find it funny that this used to be considered metal

Makes me think of those fathers day compilation CDs from the early 2000s

I respect EVH as a guitarist and Diamond Dave as a great rock n roll front man. But man I've never understood the fascination and lauding of this steaming pile of shit of a band. Michael Anthony can fuck right off as a bass player and a human. Alex is the product of a weird sibling nepotism. Cool! you can make your bass drum sound like a motorcycle for a minute before your brother comes in and rips that shine away from you once more. Fuck I hate this band...Jump is ok

Had to check repeatedly that this album was in fact different to the abomination I had early on in the Project. It is, but it's also absolutely identical. The man is talented. The man has no soul. It gains a very marginal uptick for the fact that Jump is a little bit hard to resist. You can do it, but it's a bit hard.

well its very bad, didnt enjoy a second of it, but not as bad as the other albums ive given one star. however people on this website like it too much, so i just have to do this

80er als Album. Laut und nervig. Kaum Abwechslung. Wenigstens schnell vorbei absolut nix für mich. Jump und panama sind wenigstens für ein dummes grinsen gut, aber als ersten 2 Lieder das Highlight. 1/5

Hey they made that song you hear at basketball games…

Oh. The only redeeming feature of this album is its brevity. Though I suppose the cover is vaguely amusing.

This is the 118th album I’m rating. I've always been a bit of a Van Halen hater but I've never listened to an album before so maybe they'll prove me wrong. Adding to my Playlist - Nothing. Not Adding to my Playlist - 1984, Jump, Panama, Top Jimmy, Drop Dead Legs, Hot for Teacher, I'll Wait, Girl Gone Bad, and House of Pain. All in all I liked 0/9 songs. Somehow worse than Elvis Costello.

Everything that’s not Jump, Panama, or Hot for Teacher is cock rock bullshit.

not for me, lowk boring 🥱

Did not like this at all. Very repetitive and all the guitar solos sound the same. Lyrics like “Dig that steam, giant butt / Makes me scream, I get nuh-nuh-nothing” on Drop Dead Legs are awful, and the lyrics overall are pretty bland.

Cover very cool. Songs very bad.

Heard all these songs so many times. I really don’t like this album at all.

Found this album hard to get through. There was a few songs that gave me nostalgia —possibly in a commercial in the early 90s or something but beyond that it’s just not really my vibe. “Panama” is a nice energetic anthem, “Hot Teacher” has some cool riffs, but beyond that I guess I’m just not into this gym-locker-frat-rock 80s vibe.

kind of baffling to call this an "album" you must hear considering the only things even arguably worth hearing here are the singles, which almost every english speaker (ie the primary audience for this book) has probably already heard. no one's gonna get anything out of these album tracks, and even the singles are big dumb meatballs that aren't remotely appealing to me after a first listen and at this point I've heard them all about 300,000 times. bonus points for the cover art being just laughably stupid

80s (and earlier) bands were horny in a way that I frankly don't really get. Like half of these songs are this way. Anyway this wasn't very good. On occasion I might listen to Jump but honestly not really. Everything else is corny guitar that, while probably technically impressive, doesn't really move me.

Look, it's not a decent album when you find yourself thinking, "You know, I think I prefer the Glee cover of this song to the original." several times while listening to it.

Still to this day. I have to explain to so many people that Eddie Van Halen was not my son! A remarkably similar playing style on the guitar but that’s not Ken Chutney’s genes. It’s just plagiarism! 1.2

Annoying. Boring.

Trash

The 80s dripping out of every orifice. I was tired of it less than 5 minutes into the album.

Nah bro

Just not my thing. Overrated and over played.

Sehr Synthesizer-lastig, verstehe nicht was das Album mit 1984 zutun hat (nehme an der Titel ist auf das Buch bezogen) hat insgesamt eine euphorische Stimmung die manchmal Gegensätzlich zum Text steht (jump?)-> Oberflächlich Eine autofahr Platte finde ich Lieder sind melodisch ähnlich meiner Meinung nach und der Bass ist eher monoton im Vordergrund sind Gesang und sinthesizer?

Van Halen probably wouldn't have been for me in the 80s and it certainly isn't today. A couple hits, but nothing I'll be coming back to.

Awful

We don’t need this. We have steel panther who can imitate the guitar explosions and spandex wearing idiocy, but they do it with a huge sense of irony that is missing from this slab of cheesy bollocks.

Just awful

Being forced to listen to hair metal against my will? Literally 1984.

What a disgusting album cover - That alone would have meant I'd never of listened to this album otherwise. Not a fan of this glam rock trash. Album is carried by 3 songs: Jump, Panama, and Hot for teacher. Jump is too crisp and overplayed. Panama is okay, if a little 'basic'. Hot for teacher - starts strong (Daft Punk link) and has a pulsating rythym but the lyrics are pathetic. The rest is average and forgettable.

baaaaaaddddd

pairing guitar virtuosos with a Front Man™ instead of a journeyman always ends in disaster. I cannot stand Roth's vocals or antics. there's some good stuff here but it's all of a time and the dated sounds don't really hit for me

Well that was tedious.

First time listen. Highlights: I’ll wait

bad

Mercifully short. Can't stand DLR's voice. Eddie Van Halen is technically amazing but it does nothing for me. And this album cover is terrible.

1 star! I particularly dislike hard rock and this one was just not it.

I just don't like the singer. If the album was purely instrumental it would be amazing and 5 stars. Smoke on the Water is great though.

It wasn’t 1984 lolz

Nom nom nom

Не слушал

1984 - Spaceshippy; instrumental; not much to say - I guess it works as a decent opener? -3/5 mostly for its inoffensiveness Jump -Familiar refrain; very 80s synthy -Again, a distinctly 80s guitar solo -I'm convinced I've heard this before in a movie or a commercial, but the closest I can think is that it might've been in the 2016 Sing trailer? Because I haven't watched Ready Player One or Glee, and Wikipedia says that, a McDonald's commercial, and Herbie: Fully Loaded are the only places its been featured. -3/5 just for the feeling that I know this, even though probably don't Panama -I'm getting the vibe that this is gonna be a distinctly 80s dad rock album, but not one that I personally will like. -Sprechgesang, mostly, which I like to think I'm not really a fan of (seems to be popularized especially now these days in pop) but I do like some Nick Cave songs, so I don't know -Yeah, I'm not really a fan of this. Just realized I've not been listening to lyrics as much as the guitar line. Says a lot about the fact that I prefer melody. Also, apparently this is about a car? Panama Express? According to Wikipedia -"The Toronto Maple Leafs began to use the song when scoring at home against Original Six teams in the 2023–24 season" SICKENING. -Apparently the US played this when trying to psychologically torture Noriega into coming out. Well. I think it would've worked on me -1/5. Would've been a 2/5 if not for the Leafs part Top Jimmy -I do have to kind of appreciate the sparkly synthy bits of the guitar, which kind of makes me think this must've inspired whoever inspired who inspired etc etc. Radiohead for bits of Let Down -Dad rock guitar solo -Hate the overaffected feminine moaning of "Oh Jimmy" at the end. Knocks this down to a 1/5 probably will not listen to again Drop Dead Legs -I don't hate this much as much as I've disliked the previous couple of songs. Just read about Van Halen and the "brown sound" Described at roland.com as "Van Halen’s guitar tone had distortion. A lot of distortion. Distorted guitar tones were of course par for the course in the 1970’s, but this was something else entirely. The sheer amount of overdrive gain was immense. Also, rather than the sometimes “raggedy” or “harsh” tone that often comes out of heavily overdriven tube amps, this sound was somehow liquid, organic and warm," I don't know much about guitars or the sounds that they should produce, but it does have a sort of liquidy smooth sonic quality. Well I don't hate it. The outro is probably the best part of this -I might include it on a playlist, but I'm not sure I'd listen to it by itself. 3.5/5 Hot For Teacher -Well. I've made jokes about this one, so let's see where/how it goes. I'll Wait -Synthy opening, menacing bassline. Wikipedia says that the Doobie Brothers' Michael McDonald involved. Okay. I think I might be inclined to feel a little less sus of him because Genevieve Oliver put him on a playlist -Sonically, I think it's nothing really intriguing, but the textures of the synths and the distortion and the amps are kind of interesting. Especially when you get that warm brown sound coming back in. -Probably shouldn't have read the part where this is apparently addressed to a rl underwear model who the band didn't know. Feels a little. Not great. -If I wrote Supernatural fanfiction, I'd probably make Dean Winchester like this album. Seems like what he'd like -3/5. Might put it on a playlist one day if it fit. Wouldn't listen to it voluntarily Girl Gone Bad -Moved to car backseat; wasn’t really paying attention. Um it’s just kind of inoffensive and noisy I guess. Didn’t hold my attention so best I can give it is a 2/5 House of Pain -Again, noisy. Last half is just instrumental. It seems a little too hair metal for me. I should probably research why this band connects with people and what the impact of this album is, because it doesn’t do much for me -Also I find the “na na’s” during the instrumental kinda trite 2/5 1.5/2 stars for me overall

Cheesy 80- tals "hair metal". Låter jätte eighties och har allmänt inte förändrats särskilt bra.

Just a genuinely annoying fucking album. I would bet money on every song here being featured prominently in some shlocky Happy Madison production or something of that ilk. Highlights (AKA Things I hated the least) Jump: *** I'll Wait: *** House of Pain: ** 1/2

“Hair Metal” is the worst genre of music

Dogshit except for 3 things and they are not enough: 1) Occasional pyrotechnics from Ed. His influential style has become the norm by this point, but he's still great at it. 2) 'Jump' is a great pop single. 3) That thing where Dave sounds like he was out in the garden by the barbecue and someone calls him inside and he's like: "wuh, aaaaaaaaah. hey oh, yeah!" These songs are bad, ZZ Top want their riffs back and the rest is hair metal with surprisingly dull sounding guitar and dodgy song subjects and lyrics. The band do have a driving AC/DC style chug, but so do AC/DC so listen to them. This did not even make me want to buy a Camaro IROC with the bumper hanging off or get a mullet like 'Eliminator' does. Pan-a-ma! Panama-hah! Pan-a-ma! It's on the street! The heat is (doof doof doof doof) on.

Not for me 1/5

God I hated this. Listening once was too much - I refuse to listen again.

Rubbish. Music as pretentious as the album cover.

This is unpleasant

Utterly uninspiring with a healthy dose of childish misogyny. Was going to get a 2 for the fun guitar playing but, nah.

Nothing jumped out at me.

"To summarise...this album and the genre it belongs too should be sealed in a large container and buried in a secret location...never to be found and/or opened again. 0 Stars!" Couldn't have said it better

80s hair metal just doesn't hold up at all today. From someone with no nostalgic attachment to this kind of music, there's nothing positive or enjoyable I can pull from it aside from a few cool instrumental parts.

I admit it, I just loathe classic rock like this. So much of this is so cringe

Is this hard rock? Unmelodious songs and bad vocals that destroy the songs that sometimes start well. Maybe VH should have done more pop songs.

Juvenile.

no

It's a no from me, This album wasn't made for me, I'm sorry. Just no lyrics or rock elements that got me going. Rating: 1/5 Playlist Track: Drop Dead Legs? Date Listened: 10/01/2024

Terrible cover, terrible music.

22/100

Please go and bore someone else with your silly songs. If you wanna be macho make real macho songs.

Was kinda ass ngl

Yeah... no. This is of a time that I think is best forgotten. On the plus side, it's only 33 minutes long.

One word comes to mind: Clown-Metal.

Awful stuff. Please let me listen to something that isn't 80s American rock.

Jump, track 2, is a thing Nelson hates. We didn't like the album. :( No shade. Uninspiring and repetitive. Best tracks: Panama, I'll Wait

Dated synths, cheesy lyrics, blatant laziness musically and sonically, this record has everything in the shameful sellout checklist!

shit

Poor songwriting and a soulless frontman performance make this iconic ‘80s rock album just simply “rock music” to the barest of bones. The main selling point of Van Halen, being Eddie as the guitarist, displays him showing pure musicianship with little artistic merit, leaving me with a “nothing” taste in my mouth after this album ended.

Big haired shite.

Dreadful on so many levels.

Miserable Didn't listen

Yuck Fav track: Jump

It's Top Jimmy, HE'S the king You know, when Jump kicked this thing off I was like hey, maybe Eddie and the gang are just a bit of fun. We've all enjoyed some synth power-chords. A classic cheeseburger record! What followed was some of the most stupendously annoying cock-rock I have ever had the displeasure of hearing. I thought Drop Dead Legs was handily the worst song I had heard doing this project, but then Hot For Teacher comes along and wins it by a country mile! What I wouldn't have given to tear out this man's larynx after the fifteenth 'neeyyoww', a vocalisation that reminded me in spirit of a baby being sick onto its bib. Favourite track and only redeeming feature of the album is Jump.

‘Jump’ is a decent song… but the Glee version is superior. Other than that, this album was trash, 33 minutes that felt like an eternity in hellfire.

I did not listen to Jump as like the entire population of earth I have heard it a billion times. The rest of the album is somehow worse..Jump has at least a pop sensibility. The rest is hair metal with a touch of synth. An album with no redeeming features at all. As you listen you can hear how it was written for the videos.

Not familiar with Van Halen, but had an impression of them in my head... Jump came on... oh shit, I got Van Halen wrong. Rest of the album... I got Van Halen right. One good song, the rest was woeful, shit lyrics, boring. I am feeling shame listening to it. 1* despite Jump

ugh, sorry not my thing at all. can't listen to this whole thing.

1 for Jump being such a big hit. I’m being very generous here.

Eddie's a great player, and "Jump" was perfectly fine. But this band usually just bores me to tears.

Hair Rock has an age cap that expired decades ago. 1.0

The only thing worse than cheesy butt rock wankery is cheesy butt rock wankery with cheesier synths.

Coming in at 33 minutes, at least it's a short one..

I hate this.

Tää bändi/genre ei oo kyllä tarkoitettu mulle. Vielä huonompi kuin debyytti, 0/5.

not for me.

Liked the album but not much variance in beat / rhythms after 4th song

1 1/2, inte min kopp alls

Oh mein gott halts maul

nein

Not more hair rock. Awful

Fan ta detta album

Stopped listening halfway through Hot for Teacher. Genuinely awful

I hated it

Heb ik niet veel mee.

Aguanté hasta la quinta canción y lo quité. Menudo rollo.

Slucham pierwszy raz, choc sama nazwa obila mi sie o uszy po tym jak Van Halen od ktorego grupa bierze nazwa sie przekrecil na druga strone, przed tym znalem jedynie z kawalkow granych z radia, bo juz po drugim tracku wiem co to jest, bo kto nie zna jumpa, tak klasycznie syntezatorowy kawalek, a im dalej w albumik tym wiecej wyjcowania i ciezkiego walenia po instrumentach, czyli jak dla mnie najgorszego co moge uslyszec, zaraz po slunskich szlagierach, czare goryczny przelal kawalek girl gone bad, zwlaszcza jego druga polowa ktora zamiast wokali wykorzystuje rytmiczne wycie, no bo przeciez girl gone bad, wiec zaczelo sie jak jakis synth poipowy albumik rozkrecalo sie rock z elentami synthu, a konczylo jak metal dla boomerow hamerykanskich, a to wszystko w 33 minuty, na plejliste wrzucam kawalek ktory juz znalem, czyli jump, bo chyba byl on najbardziejsluchalnym elementem calego albumika

Kind of cool

nope