Journey Complete!
Finisher #267 to complete the list
1089
Albums Rated
2.92
Average Rating
100%
Complete
The Holy Bible
Manic Street Preachers
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Rating Timeline
Average rating over time
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When do you listen?
Taste Profile
2000s
Favorite Decade
Indie
Favorite Genre
UK
Top Origin
Wordsmith
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90
5-Star Albums
95
1-Star Albums
Taste Analysis
Genre Preferences
Ratings by genre
Origin Preferences
Ratings by country
Rating Style
You Love More Than Most
Albums you rated higher than global average
| Album | You | Global | Diff |
|---|---|---|---|
| Duck Stab/Buster & Glen | 5 | 2.02 | +2.98 |
| They Were Wrong, So We Drowned | 5 | 2.11 | +2.89 |
| Yeezus | 5 | 2.77 | +2.23 |
| Roots | 5 | 2.78 | +2.22 |
| Tago Mago | 5 | 2.79 | +2.21 |
| Goodbye And Hello | 5 | 2.83 | +2.17 |
| 69 Love Songs | 5 | 2.85 | +2.15 |
| Kollaps | 4 | 1.9 | +2.1 |
| Music Has The Right To Children | 5 | 2.91 | +2.09 |
| O.G. Original Gangster | 5 | 2.97 | +2.03 |
You Love Less Than Most
Albums you rated lower than global average
| Album | You | Global | Diff |
|---|---|---|---|
| Kind Of Blue | 1 | 4.06 | -3.06 |
| The Freewheelin' Bob Dylan | 1 | 3.63 | -2.63 |
| Hotel California | 1 | 3.6 | -2.6 |
| Definitely Maybe | 1 | 3.52 | -2.52 |
| Fear Of Music | 1 | 3.47 | -2.47 |
| Tusk | 1 | 3.46 | -2.46 |
| Imagine | 1 | 3.45 | -2.45 |
| Sign 'O' The Times | 1 | 3.45 | -2.45 |
| Coat Of Many Colors | 1 | 3.42 | -2.42 |
| Green Onions | 1 | 3.4 | -2.4 |
Artist Analysis
Favorite Artists
Artists with 2+ albums
| Artist | Albums | Average |
|---|---|---|
| Radiohead | 6 | 4.5 |
| Led Zeppelin | 5 | 4.6 |
| Sonic Youth | 5 | 4.4 |
| Pink Floyd | 4 | 4.5 |
| Johnny Cash | 3 | 4.67 |
| Nirvana | 3 | 4.67 |
| Nick Drake | 3 | 4.67 |
| Supergrass | 2 | 5 |
| Cocteau Twins | 2 | 5 |
| Manic Street Preachers | 2 | 5 |
| Elliott Smith | 2 | 5 |
| King Crimson | 2 | 5 |
| Black Sabbath | 3 | 4.33 |
| Arcade Fire | 3 | 4.33 |
| The Smiths | 3 | 4.33 |
| The Cure | 3 | 4.33 |
| Kanye West | 3 | 4.33 |
| Tim Buckley | 3 | 4.33 |
| Blur | 3 | 4.33 |
Least Favorite Artists
Artists with 2+ albums
| Artist | Albums | Average |
|---|---|---|
| Miles Davis | 4 | 1.5 |
| Barry Adamson | 2 | 1 |
| Def Leppard | 2 | 1 |
| Ryan Adams | 2 | 1 |
| Public Enemy | 3 | 1.67 |
| Dexys Midnight Runners | 3 | 1.67 |
| Frank Sinatra | 3 | 1.67 |
| Bruce Springsteen | 5 | 2 |
| Bob Dylan | 7 | 2.14 |
| Gene Clark | 2 | 1.5 |
| Dolly Parton | 2 | 1.5 |
| Oasis | 2 | 1.5 |
| Bee Gees | 2 | 1.5 |
| Pere Ubu | 2 | 1.5 |
| Rod Stewart | 2 | 1.5 |
| Stephen Stills | 2 | 1.5 |
| Grateful Dead | 2 | 1.5 |
| Christina Aguilera | 2 | 1.5 |
| Billy Bragg | 2 | 1.5 |
| The Byrds | 5 | 2.2 |
| Van Morrison | 3 | 2 |
| Elvis Presley | 3 | 2 |
| The White Stripes | 3 | 2 |
| Neil Young & Crazy Horse | 3 | 2 |
| Prince | 3 | 2 |
| Kings of Leon | 3 | 2 |
| Talking Heads | 4 | 2.25 |
| Morrissey | 4 | 2.25 |
| Björk | 4 | 2.25 |
| Elvis Costello & The Attractions | 4 | 2.25 |
Controversial Artists
Artists you rate inconsistently
| Artist | Ratings |
|---|---|
| Orbital | 1, 4 |
| Air | 5, 2 |
| Eagles | 4, 1 |
| Fleetwood Mac | 1, 4 |
| The Prodigy | 5, 2 |
5-Star Albums (90)
View Album Wall
Popular Reviews
Einstürzende Neubauten
4/5
Oh fuck yeah, now we're talking. Wait no, I swear I'm not being pretentious.
This is the lowest rated album on this site because I guess mostly people aren't very fond of German people smashing metal plates together - who would have guessed.
But halle-fucking-lujah, this is something this list needs more of. Albums that make you go "well, that was an experience and now I'm a changed man". Nobody is lying on their deathbed wishing they heard more crappy 80s post-punk or late 60s psychedelic rock. THIS is what we all deserve to be listening to as we embrace eternal oblivion.
I'm giving this a high rating not only because I genuinely really love it, but also to help Kid Rock move to his rightful place as the actual worst album on this list.
Together we can make a difference. Save the turtles.
252 likes
5/5
1001albumsgenerator.com users when they have to listen to something more mentally stimulating than 60s pop rock: 🤮😡😭🤬
I jest, I goof - love you guys - but come on, you gotta admit that this is pretty damn cool. Give it a fair shot. Imagine a bunch of nasty ass green witches having a dance party while listening to this for proper enjoyment.
Incredibly pretentious, but I think that makes it more fun. I really appreciate how every song sounds like a completely distinct assault on my ears (in a good way), I never felt bored listening to this.
"If Your a Wizard Then Why Do You Wear Glasses?" uses the wrong form of Your/You're though. See me after class.
Fuck it, 5/5. I don't remember the last time I had this much fun listening to an album from this list.
78 likes
Adam & The Ants
4/5
This is fucking horrible - I love it. I'm not sure why I actually like this. The lyrics are stupid, the music is stupid, the name and album art are stupid.. there's even a completely random pirate song for absolutely no reason. The band's not even "Adam & The Ants", there's one guy named "Adam Ant". It makes no sense - that's like The Beatles calling themselves "John & The Lennons".
This is what the kids like to call "penis music" and I'm here for it.
Yeah I gave this a 4/5 and The White Album a 2/5, what are you going to do about it. I am aware that my brain is completely rotten and that I have tiny goblins building aqueducts in my cerebral cortex.
74 likes
Finley Quaye
2/5
Bro who even is this guy. I google his name and the first result is "Finley Quaye found guilty for headbutting terminally ill friend over Game of Thrones" and the image is some black-and-white Gilbert Gottfried lookalike (rest in peace by the way) and Peter Dinklage. Then the literal next result is "Finley Quaye admits criminal damage after he threw metal road sign through glass bus door". The third result is "Finley Quaye threatened to stab cop and 'get a grenade' for bar manager he vowed to shoot".
This guy is just smashing everything in his path, pulverizing innocent citizens with his laser beam eyes, and I'm supposed to listen to his album?
I listened to his album and it was pretty alright. Not a huge fan of reggae or obliterating people with metal rods, but I enjoyed "Sunday Shining". Hope he doesn't throw a comically large piano down a flight of stairs at me for giving his album a 2/5.
68 likes
Stephen Stills
2/5
Music for people who clap when an airplane lands.
Neil Young is Mario, David Crosby is Luigi, and Stephen Stills is Toad. I will not elaborate further, but there are mountains of factual evidence to support my claim.
Four albums featuring this guy on a list like this is insanity. That's like four crusty phone videos by your drunk neighbor Ted on a "1001 Movies You Must See Before You Die" list.
53 likes
1-Star Albums (95)
All Ratings
Black Sabbath
3/5
Just really average. Nothing really stands out, but nothing is bad per se, except for "FX" which is basically a meme track (they said it themselves, apparently).
Spiritualized
3/5
A lot of noise. I like chaotic and experimental music, but I was starting to get a bit annoyed after the third warbly noisy song in a row.
The title track is genuinely amazing, so is the 17-minute long finale "Cop Shoot Cop". Not the biggest fan of the middle, but songs like "I Think I'm In Love" and "Broken Heart" nicely break up the tinnitus.
The Yardbirds
4/5
Really solid psychedelic rock. Not one song I would label as bad. The worst thing I can say about it is that it's a bit "generic music your dad plays" at times.
Siouxsie And The Banshees
5/5
Side one of this album is amazing, genuinely a 10/10 - exactly my type of music.
Side two does get a bit fillery and I'm not a fan of the final track.
The entire album would probably be like a 8.5/10 at worst. Really great.
Various Artists
1/5
I hate Christmas music so much. No words can describe the hate I have for every single sound associated with Christmas - jingle bells, sleigh bells, glockenspiels, the choirs. I hate it all. Just like Phil Spector hates being a decent human being.
David Bowie
4/5
Not a Bowie fan in the slightest, but this slaps, not gonna lie. Better than Ziggy Stardust, the only other full album of his that I've heard.
I would imagine that the more experimental instrumental break during tracks 7, 8 and 9 is a bit controversial, but I personally enjoyed it.
The Doors
2/5
Whatever. Too blues-y and monotonous. Never was a huge fan of Morrison's voice.
Riders of the Storm is the definitive highlight, that song's great.
Motörhead
3/5
It's Ace of Spades, the song everyone knows, but 18 times in a row and lasting an hour.
Good thing that Ace of Spades is a good song, otherwise this would have been unbearable. Can't give this anything higher than 3 stars - these songs probably work better in a random heavy metal playlist than an album. I'm sure being at the concert was hype though.
Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds
4/5
The instrumentals are beautiful. I sort of wish that this album was fully instrumental, and that the lyrics were just some poems to be read at your own pace while listening or something.
At the beginning I was like "Ugh, I don't want to listen to this slow boring music for an hour", but it really won me over.
Steve Winwood
3/5
This is the most generic 80s album I've ever heard. It's like they trained an AI to generate the most inoffensive, boring 80s synth music imaginable.
It's the perfect 3/5. There is nothing wrong with this album, it's just nothing special.
Crowded House
4/5
Never heard of this band before. Really close to being a 5/5, but it does get a bit filler-y near the end. There's a lot of great songs here though, "Four Seasons in One Day" is my personal favorite.
1/5
It's a feat to be as consistently obnoxious as this album. Judging people by their music taste is a stupid thing to do, but I genuinely don't understand why this would ever be on a list of "albums you must hear before you die".
The Velvet Underground
5/5
Love this album, always have. Not much else to say, I'm sure there's a 4-hour long documentary on Youtube that analyzes every single note of every song on this album.
Cheap Trick
3/5
I love the sound of Japanese people losing their shit over a band I've never heard of.
Oh yeah and the music was pretty good too.
Neneh Cherry
4/5
Funky and catchy. Absolutely not a genre for me, but this album somehow won me over - so a 4/5 from me is probably a strong 5/5 for somebody who's generally a fan of hip hop.
Heart's my favorite track because it sounds like a Phineas and Ferb song.
Orbital
1/5
This album sounds how I imagine a tofu + dragonfruit salad would taste. It's literally nothing. This is a toddler playing with FL Studio presets for an hour. I think listening to white noise is a more thrilling experience than this.
Joan Armatrading
2/5
I feel bad giving this such a low score because there is nothing wrong with this, it's just simply not for me.
Give this a listen if you like folky and mellow songs, but a 2/5 from me, somebody who finds this kind of music really boring.
Fleet Foxes
2/5
More folk. I had basically the same thing yesterday. It all just blends together into a forgettable glob of acoustic guitar.
Enjoyed it slightly more than yesterday's Joan Armatrading, but please give me an actual face-melter obliteration hyper mega-satan metal tomorrow. I don't even like metal but please, I need something more exciting.
Public Enemy
1/5
I don't even hate rap but this just sucks, sorry.
Horrible beats - seriously, what's up with the wacky boing instruments in every song? They're a kazoo away from being actual meme music.
"Security of the First World" sounds like video game pause music.
An hour of my life that I'll never get back.
PJ Harvey
4/5
Really good actually, despite being the 3rd folk rock album I've had in the past 4 days.
I liked the weirder and darker-sounding tracks a lot.
"On Battleship Hill" and the title track are certified bangers.
Metallica
3/5
Final Fantasy final boss sounding ass.
Only some songs work like this (No Leaf Clover, Ecstasy of Gold, Master of Puppets...), other ones sound like Metallica trying to play with a rampant orchestral goblin on the stage floor (Fuel sounds like a terrible Youtube remix).
Disc 2 was generally better than disc 1, but at that point I was hoping it would just finally end since this is over 2 hours long.
Amy Winehouse
2/5
Forgettable instrumentals, great voice.
The first few songs are good but they grow more and more forgettable as they go on.
Not something I'd return to, but I didn't hate it so let's just say that this is a really strong 2/5.
Simply Red
2/5
This is an actual enigma. It's so bland that I completely forgot every song, every word sung and every note played the second the album ended.
I didn't gain or lose anything. Can't decide if this is a 1/5 or a 2/5 - probably like a 1.75, so I'll be generous and round it up.
The xx
3/5
Pleasantly surprised. Very nice and easy to listen to. Despite being generally chill and relaxing, it doesn't put me to sleep like some other soft pop albums on this list. Not something I expected from the ominous album art.
Very strong 3/5.
David Bowie
3/5
I really don't like Bowie's voice, but I think his music is starting to grow on me more. There's some good songs here.
The worst one for me is definitely the title track - that's a headache and a half.
Nothing caught my attention though like "Heroes" did and I imagine this won't be the last Bowie album on here.
Man's considered one of rock's greatest after all. Still trying to see why that is though. (Not bad, good even, but not even close to being on the same level as The Beatles or Pink Floyd from what I've heard).
Richard Thompson
2/5
"1001 Albums Generator doesn't give me a Folk Rock album for 3 days" challenge (IMPOSSIBLE)
Nothing to be said. It's folk rock. Boring. Next.
Green Day
5/5
Incredible rock opera. I always admire this album for still being extremely good even if you don't pay attention to the plot - the songs are all great when isolated, something I, a Pink Floyd fanboy, can't even say about The Wall (let's be honest, nobody is putting "Bring The Boys Back Home" in their playlists).
Punk doesn't get better than this from what I've heard, easy 5/5.
Manu Chao
4/5
Why is this actually really good? I seriously thought that I would hate this, but I was vibing. It's really fun, even if there's a language barrier. Speaking of languages, it's really impressive - guy sings in over 9 languages according to Wikipedia.
Terence Trent D'Arby
3/5
It's alright.
His voice is enjoyable and some of the tracks like "Dance Little Sister" and "If All You Get To Heaven" are some undoubtedly funky tunes.
Overall not very memorable though, seems like a fairly above-average 80s album, not something you "must hear before dying".
Femi Kuti
2/5
Not for me. The songs are just way too long and repetitive to be enjoyable.
Nice that it's on the list though, it's important to have some world music, just not my kind of music.
Wire
3/5
All over the place. From certified bangers™, to weird 30-second gibberish that can hardly be classified as music.
Really not sure about this one - I thought I would enjoy it more than I did.
Gary Numan
4/5
Thought I would hate this but it won me over. Fun and unique, didn't overstay its welcome.
"Cars" is the only thing here that I've heard before. Hell, I didn't even know that Gary Numan was a musician before today. I always associated his name with acting (I am aware of Gary Oldman, not mixing the two up).
Also the red prism on the album art looks mad tasty for some reason.
Beatles
2/5
Time for my hottest take yet.
I've listened to this entire album like 4 times now and every time it's the same thing: I start really enjoying it but by the time the second disc starts I'm so insanely over it.
The best songs (Back in the USSR, Glass Onion, While My Guitar Gently Weeps, Blackbird) are all around the beginning of the first disc and the rest just feels like bland filler.
Come on, I know that nobody reading this has "Cry Baby Cry" in their "Favorites" playlist on Spotify.
Revolution 9 is unironically one of my favorite disc 2 songs because at least it makes me feel something (existential dread), but still something.
I like the Beatles but I genuinely believe that this is one of their worst records.
The Black Crowes
1/5
I don't own a combine harvester, so this album is not for me.
There is no passion or originality here. Proof that being boring is often worse than being straight up bad. I had more fun listening to the Spotify ads in between.
Queens of the Stone Age
3/5
I like QOTSA, but I don't fully get why this album was chosen for this list instead of "Songs for the Deaf".
This album is just mostly them trying to find their footing. You can still hear the iconic "QOTSA sound", but it's not as refined as their later works.
Still pretty good, but I'd rather be listening to Songs for the Deaf or Era Vulgaris.
Barry Adamson
1/5
What an insanely stupid idea. Is there seriously anyone out there who actively listens to this?
I can't imagine willingly devoting an hour of your life listening to a soundtrack to a movie that does not exist.
Waste of time, space and energy. The most baffling addition to this list so far. The only good song is "The Man With The Golden Arm" and it's just a bonus cover.
Gene Clark
2/5
Not a fan of folk, not a fan of country.. there's two tracks here that I kind of enjoyed ("No Other" and "Lady of the North"). Other than that, mostly just boring background music.
Frank Black
3/5
Starts out really strong, gets boring and samey in the middle. An hour long, but the songs are all only around 2 minutes, so a lot of them feel like throwaways.
Didn't pay attention to the lyrics at all, but I feel like I didn't miss out on anything.
That being said, I didn't dislike this, probably like a 6/10 - I enjoyed the grungier songs.
Belle & Sebastian
3/5
It's good, I think.. not actually sure how much I enjoyed it, I just know I didn't dislike it.
There's a lot of diversity here and some catchy tunes. Vocals were pretty meh, not really my taste, but good enough to be bearable.
Also that album cover, huh? It sure is an album cover.
Doves
4/5
Obligatory "Hey, this sounds like Radiohead/Coldplay/Muse".
Pretty good. Highlights for me include "N.Y.", "Caught by the River" and the kind of strange King Crimson cover(?) "M62 Song".
More chill than I expected from the ominous album cover and title, both of which are awesome by the way. However, my favorite parts were when they slightly dipped their toes into a more grungy sound.
Nightmares On Wax
2/5
This is music your Nintendo Wii plays while it's loading the Weather Channel.
Yeah Yeah Yeahs
5/5
Wow, this is awesome! I was not expecting that from the cover.
There's just so much energy, the screechy guitars, the crazy yelling vocals and lyrics.
Favorite tracks are: "Pin", "Date With The Night", "Y Control".
Very strong 4/5, maybe even a 5/5.. depends how I'm feeling tomorrow morning.
Nine Inch Nails
2/5
Really wasn't in the mood for this. Mostly just boring edgelord music that I couldn't connect with.
Johnny Cash did "Hurt" better, but I think even Trent Reznor agrees with that. Still can't believe they named the Mario rhino that spits fire after that guy. Seriously, the rhino from Super Mario World that spins on a windmill and spits fire at you is officially called Reznor in the Mario canon. I get naming the turtle with Beethoven hair "Ludwig", but who in the Nintendo localization team looked at a fire rhino and said "This gives me Trent Reznor vibes".
Beatles
5/5
Yeah the Beatles were pretty good, not gonna lie. Eleanor Rigby is probably my favorite song of theirs, but this album also has some other bangers like "Taxman", "Love You To", "Tomorrow Never Knows" and basically every other song (except Yellow Submarine). Gotta love that sitar.
I'd be the first one to jump on the "Beatles are overrated" train (or submarine?), but that doesn't mean they weren't amazingly talented musicians. I have to give this a 5/5 or I'm being too strict with these ratings.
Dexys Midnight Runners
2/5
Not a fan. Sounds like pub music, but the lead singer was castrated before singing. "Keep It" has to be one of the most annoying songs I've ever heard and the fact that it's 4 minutes long is painful.
My favorite track was probably either "Geno" or the instrumental "The Teams that Meet in Caffs", but I still wouldn't call them good, just above-average.
Screaming Trees
4/5
Enjoyed it a lot. Bunch of different sounds that make the songs stand out. There's some grunge, some psychedelic rock, some experimental. My favorite songs were the ones that went like "bwowowow". The instrumental on Dime Western is great.
Not for everyone, but it's a yes from me.
Flamin' Groovies
1/5
What is this Old MacDonald Had a Farm sounding crap and why do I need to hear it before I die? Seems like some random rockabilly album you find for a dollar at a flea market. So insanely boring and average that I don't have anything to say about it.
"Teenage Head" was my favorite track.. I think. Hard to choose a favorite shade of gray.
Shuggie Otis
2/5
Basically nothing. This genre of music is just white noise to me.
"Rainy Day" really sounds like a rainy day somehow, I'll give him that. Sounds like a song I would listen to while I'm having a headache. Nothing else caught my attention.
R.E.M.
5/5
Absolutely loved it. The first album to melt my emotionless heart and give me goosebumps.
I never really looked into R.E.M. despite really liking "Losing my Religion", but now I want to go and listen to their entire discography.
Favorite songs: "Drive", "Try Not To Breathe", "Everybody Hurts", "Man on the Moon", "Find the River". I think the worst one would be the instrumental, but I can still appreciate it.
Dr. John
4/5
Well that was a religious experience. It's extremely weird, but I think that's part of the charm.
I like the strange chanting in "Danse Kalinda Ba Doom" and "Croker Courtbullion".
Very pleasantly surprised. The first song was confusing and I wasn't sure where the album was going, but I got it after the second song and thoroughly enjoyed the rest.
Röyksopp
2/5
Boring beep boop music. I'm never going to think about listening to this album again.
I wish the entire album sounded like the first two songs - they generally get more and more boring as time goes on. I don't know if that's just my ears going numb or actually the music's fault but I don't give enough crap to go and listen again to make sure.
The Pretty Things
4/5
I wasn't following the story too much, the only thing I got out of it was that "Girl died in a balloon, guy gets depressed", but I still enjoyed it a lot.
It's very obviously inspired by the Beatles, but it's from 1968 so that's basically a given. Don't know if this is Spotify's fault, but some of the songs were a bit wonky quality with some fuzziness in the background.
Favorite songs: S.F. Sorrow is Born, Balloon Burning, Baron Saturday, Loneliest Person
Genesis
4/5
Some great songs like "Dancing with the Moonlit Knight" and "Firth of Fifth" (god damn, that guitar solo is so good).
"The Battle Of Epping Forest" is whatever. I liked the synthesizer sounds but the lyrics are just kind of too wacky for me and it's too long for what it is. Nothing against long songs, Supper's Ready is one of my favorite songs of all time.
Speaking of Supper's Ready, it's sad that there's no Foxtrot on this list.
Fats Domino
2/5
The full album is not on Spotify, but I'm absolutely not a fan of this kind of music and I don't think the 6 missing tracks would have made a difference.
Weather Report
1/5
I don't like jazz, sorry bee from Bee Movie.
Johnny Cash
5/5
Man, this album makes me remember that we're all human. This guy is over here singing songs about "shooting a bad bitch down" while all the inmates cheer. He cracks some jokes, laughs, asks for water - Johnny Cash just seems like such a down to earth guy.
I don't even like country but the book was right for once.. I think my ghost would have been a bit upset if I died without listening to this.
Also, I never knew that this album is from 1968. I always thought it was from the late 50s or so.
The Young Gods
1/5
Fucking garbage Mongolian throat singing sounding ass yelling broken French while the most repetitive and horrible instrumentals play in the background.
Now I feel bad for all the albums that I already rated a 1/5, because this is miles worse than all of them. Probably the worst thing I've ever heard in my entire life, no exaggeration.
Nitty Gritty Dirt Band
2/5
Jesus Christ, is this being procedurally generated as I'm listening? It just never ends. Every time I'm like "That was a pretty good song, wonder how much there's left" and I'm not even halfway there. This is just way too long for what it is - a generic hillbilly country album. Nothing wrong with the songs, some are good, some are pretty boring but as an album experience, this is a 2/5.
Also what's up with the confederate flags on the cover.
Pink Floyd
5/5
This is one of my all time favorite albums. One of the very few I would consider to be perfect 10/10s. I can't say a single bad word about this. There are no dull moments, no bad songs.
It's honestly kind of scary how absolutely amazing this entire album is, and it just gets better the more you read about it. The story behind this is incredible and I can't believe there hasn't been a huge Syd Barrett movie yet. Shine on.
The Jam
3/5
Fairly good. Not something I'll ever revisit, but I thought it was enjoyable enough. Some of the songs are pretty samey, but at least they're not annoying. Wikipedia says this is punk, but I don't hear it (except for the last song) - it's actually pretty poppy. Reminded me of The Who and weirdly enough Weezer on certain occasions.
Favorite songs: David Watts, Billy Hunt
Pretty strong 3/5.
Fugees
4/5
Crazy in a good way. Some great songs like "Ready or Not", "Fu-Gee-La" and "No Woman, No Cry" which I've heard more times on the radio than I've heard my father's voice.
Would be a contender for the best hip hop album of all time, but it's a tad bit too long and dragged down by meaningless skits (what the hell is that Chinese restaurant skit?). Still a big fan, Lauryn Hill is unmatched.
Steely Dan
5/5
Now this was a great album, wasn't expecting that from whatever the album cover is. I've never heard of Steely Dan, which is kind of strange to me from how big they seem. I think I'm a fan now.
Some huge bangers - "Rikki Don't Lose that Number", "East St. Louis Toodle-Oo" (I love those wah-wahs), "With a Gun", "Charlie Freak".
Doesn't overstay its welcome and ends on a good song streak - the last three songs slap back-to-back.
Bob Dylan
1/5
Kind of boring music until he hits you with that harmonica and gives you lifelong tinnitus. Jesus Christ, why is the harmonica so loud? I had to turn my volume down on "Girl From The North Country" when he started doing his best crying baby impression.
This is a horror album. You're just trying to chill but there's jumpscares at every corner. You never know when he's going to start blowing into that rusty piece of metal, permanently destroying your hearing.
Man I get the lyrics, being scared of WWIII and all, but the only thing scarier than the existential dread of living in the middle of the Cold War is the existential dread that Bob Dylan could start playing the harmonica AT ANY MOMENT.
1/5 - looking forward to the Bob Dylan kazoo album and the Bob Dylan cowbell album.
The Youngbloods
3/5
Background music with nothing special. Why is this list like 50% folk rock and 50% all other genres?
Also that mountain looks nothing like an elephant.
Slayer
3/5
Somehow manages to not be very exciting, despite them absolutely obliterating that poor poor guitar and yelling 30 words a second.
There's not enough diversity. Most songs are just: SATAN SUMMONS BLOOD, DEATH COMES AND HELL WILL KILL US ALL *10 second guitar solo*.
There were some moments when I didn't even catch that one song ended and another had begun. The best song is definitely "Raining Blood". It's so cool when that iconic riff kicks in.
Jefferson Airplane
3/5
None of the songs other than the famous singles ("White Rabbit" and "Somebody to Love") and also "Plastic Fantastic Lover" really stick the landing.
Psychedelic rock > folk rock. There's really only like 3 psychedelic rock songs here and the rest is boring farm music.
Bruce Springsteen
1/5
Ugh, fuck off. I just had "The Freewheelin' Bob Dylan" three days ago and this is literally the same thing. Boring mumbly folk rock until the harmonica starts and your entire auditory system shuts down, leaving you with lifelong tinnitus. Thanks for the headache. Harmonicas are more annoying than kazoos.
Bruce Springsteen at least has a bearable voice when compared to Bob Dylan, but that doesn't make this album anything higher than a 1/5 for me.
Alanis Morissette
4/5
It's good, I enjoyed it. I found the first few tracks to be not that great (the first song was my least favorite one - not great for my prejudicial brain) but it generally got better as the album progressed.
Great songs like "Hand in my Pocket", "Head Over Feet", "Wake Up" and of course "Ironic".
Lana Del Rey
2/5
I didn't hate it, but why is this on the list? It's not even been a year since this album's released.
This is just a regular folk album (my 5th folk album in the past 7 days, please stop giving me folk albums) that will inevitably be forgotten by the test of time. Nothing stood out, everything was very average, almost to the point where it seemed like they were trying to be average.
Beatles
4/5
I've never listened to the really early Beatles apart from a few singles, so I was happy to learn that this album was very enjoyable.
It's a bit cheesy, some of the lyrics are laughable when compared to their later work, but it's extremely catchy and easy to listen to (a gigantic contributing factor to their success). There's also a lot of covers on this album and they're all very nice. "Roll Over Beethoven" is probably my favorite track on the album despite not being much of a Chuck Berry fan.
Jean-Michel Jarre
4/5
Impossible not to imagine a video game loading screen while listening to this. Dude, they should put the "Minecraft: Volume Alpha Soundtrack" in the next edition of this book. Think about it. Video game music is still music and the Minecraft OST is better than like 80% of the music on this list anyways.
Did you know that the Minecraft soundtrack takes some inspiration from Jean-Michel Jarre? Me neither, but apparently it does. Listen to the Minecraft soundtrack if you haven't yet, you won't regret it. It's genuinely beautiful.
Oh yeah. This album. It's surprisingly really good. Maybe the songs go on for a bit too long. I recognize "Oxygène, Pt. 4" from Limmy's Show.
Can
3/5
They really said "Looney Tunes sound effects" during the third song. Brave, I respect that.
Okay, this is definitely music to scare the hoes. Play this at a party and they'll take you to a mental institute after two minutes.
But this is exactly why I'm here doing this challenge. Never in a million years would I know that this album exists without the existence of this book and this site. I'm glad I listened to this, because this is a damn ritual. That final song takes you to Jupiter.
Did I like it? Hard to say.
Did I enjoy the experience? Yeah.
Paul Simon
2/5
Incredibly boring except for like two songs (Allergies and Cars are Cars) which break up the monotonous snoozefest.
I was in a complete zero distraction zone while listening to this and I still don't remember a single note from the entire album, except for that cool instrumental section at the end of Allergies.
Somewhere between a 1 and a 2. Depends how I'm feeling tomorrow morning.
Dolly Parton
1/5
This was 27 minutes long? Because it felt like an eternity.
I don't like this type of music and I don't like Dolly Parton's voice, so definitely not for me.
Air
5/5
That was genuinely amazing. It's like Pink Floyd Daft Punk, which sounds like the stupidest thing ever, but actually works really well.
I found that the weakest track for me was yet again the first one. Maybe my ears needed some warming up, I don't know. After that it's great song after great song.
The biggest highlights for me were "Sexy Boy", "You Make it Easy", "New Star in the Sky". Turns out French electronic elevator music goes HARD. This and Oxygene, which I just had four days ago.
Suede
3/5
Pretty weird production. Can't really put my finger on it, but it sounds a bit off.
Clearly EXTREMELY influenced by David Bowie. The lead singer is basically doing a Bowie impression.
This seemed like something I would generally enjoy a lot, but nothing really caught my attention other than "We are the Pigs", "Heroine" and "The 2 Of Us". It wasn't bad though, actually pretty above average, like a 6.5/10.
ABBA
4/5
A weird pick for ABBA. This is one of their less popular ones with none of the big hits. But of course it's still good. My own mother would disown me if I spoke ill of this band. "Head Over Heels" and "One Of Us" are the standout tracks for me.
The lyrics are darker than your usual happy poppy ABBA - both of the couples making up the band broke up, they were getting tired of working together and it's the Cold War. It made sense as their swan song. Until 2021. Haven't heard that new album yet. Heard it's nothing special.
Neil Young
3/5
Enjoyable. I don't care for Neil Young or this type of music generally, but it was good enough to keep my attention.
"Revolution Blues" was good, "On The Beach" was very chill. On the other hand, "For the Turnstiles" was genuinely awful. That's the only bad song though, the rest is just fine. Nothing I would willingly listen to, but I wouldn't turn it off if it started playing on Spotify shuffle. OH WAIT
The Stooges
3/5
I literally know nothing about The Stooges so I was expecting unremarkable dad rock.
It's more punky and psychedelic. There's that 10 minute long full-on psychedelic track "We Will Fall". I'm a fan of that kind of music, but I felt like like it was missing something.
All the other songs were fairly unremarkable and unmemorable. "1969" was my favorite one, I think. "I Wanna Be Your Dog" was pretty unexciting despite apparently being the big famous hit.
A 2.5/5 probably. I'll round it up.
Brian Eno
2/5
I'm pretty sure I heard this in a public sauna once. Actually feels really weird listening to this from the comfort of my home with pants on. I need to be relaxed, dripping with sweat, balls sticking to the wood.
I don't know how to rate this. It's an entirely different art form from every other album I've ranked so far. This is not something that's supposed to be listen to. It was specifically designed to be background noise that loops endlessly and can't just be put in the same basket as The Beatles, David Bowie, Pink Floyd, or even Nickleback and Justin Bieber.
Def Leppard
1/5
These songs don't need to be 5-6 minutes long. This album doesn't need to be an hour long.
An hour of glam rock gets so repetitive that it becomes genuine torture and every flaw becomes more pronounced (The cheesy lyrics, weird song structures, overproduction..)
Def Leppard, KISS, AC/DC, Mötley Crue, Bon Jovi... it's all the same, really. This is what people who exclusively listen to pop and hip-hop (nothing wrong with that) think all rock is like, because they heard it in their dad's car once. Glam rock is such an odd genre. Insert arm joke here.
Ladysmith Black Mambazo
3/5
I'm not a fan of acapella. I was really dreading listening to this 40-minute album in a language I don't speak and in a genre I don't care for. That being said, this is probably the best acapella album I've ever heard and I didn't hate it.
Very chill, surprisingly doesn't get that repetitive and annoying. Made me feel something that isn't on the general list of emotions. Some bizzaro emotion like dorcelessness.
Primal Scream
4/5
Guys really named their psychedelic rock band "Primal Scream". That's like naming a death metal band "Lollipop Wizards".
Loved the songs that sounded like video game [MISSION LOADING] music (Get Duffy, If They Move Kill 'Em). I appreciate when an album doesn't sound the same all the way through. There's a lot of genres and sounds here - psychedelic rock, electronica, regular pop and something I can only describe as "Thom Yorke Goblin Music".
Led Zeppelin
5/5
10/10 and not even the best Led Zeppelin album.
How the hell do you even manage to fill an 80 minute album with all killer and no filler? "Kashmir" is a contender for my favorite song of all time, "In My Time of Dying" is not far behind, and I can't pick a single song that I dislike.
Orchestral Manoeuvres In The Dark
2/5
Sounds like Depeche Mode but boring. Didn't see anything special in this, just more 80s synth music. I think my ghost would have been pretty apathetic if I never heard this before I died.
Pulp
3/5
Aw bloody crumpets, god save the queen.
Some of the lyrics aren't really winners. Too much pervy stalky sex stuff. It was pretty good overall, but this must be the most uncomfortable album to play on your speakers around other people.
When "Feeling Called Love" ended, I was like "Well that was pretty uncomfortable. Surely the next song won't be that creepy!" And then I saw the next song was titled "Underwear".
Neu!
2/5
Why is the singer doing a G-Man from Half-Life impression.
First half was very chill and inoffensive (almost boring at times).
Second half was punk before punk was even a thing.
Clearly very influential and ahead of its time. Not something I would willingly listen to though. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy I listened to this, but I think one time's enough.
Missy Elliott
4/5
This review is a Missy Elliott exclusive.
I thought this would be a fairly unremarkable hip hop album thrown here just to balance out all the rock and folk, but damn okay. I like this a lot.
Alice Cooper
2/5
Honestly not that good as an album. There's some good songs here, but there's far more filler than big hits. "No More Mr. Nice Guy" is a banger, but then you have songs like "Raped and Freezin'" and "Sick Things" which I instantly forgot once the album ended.
Alice Cooper goes for that creepy macabre schtick, so I was expecting this to be a lot heavier than it is. It's pretty mild actually. Almost glam rock, but not quite. I appreciated when they dipped one singular toe into a more proggy sound during "Unfinished Sweet".
Depeche Mode
3/5
Good, but Violator is just this album but better in every single way so I don't really see the need to have this on the list. I still enjoyed it though. "Strangelove" slaps so much god damn, that's a song that gets stuck in your head in the middle of the night while you're trying to fall sleep.
I had "Architecture & Morality", a very similar album, just a few days ago. What's up with albums from this era having an album cover of a random .jpeg and some text on a plain background?
Gorillaz
3/5
I only know like two songs by these guys.
You know an album is going to be interesting when Wikipedia doesn't know what genre it is. "Alternative rock / art pop / hip-hop / lo-fi"? What the hell does that even mean?
Okay, this is pretty good overall. "Clint Eastwood" is the one song I heard before and I think it's also the best one. There's some pretty unremarkable ones here as well, like "Man Research (Clapper)" and "New Genius (Brother)". Those songs aren't bad, just kind of boring. Pretty sure that's the lo-fi part.
Lenny Kravitz
3/5
It's okay. Not great or a must listen, but good enough to be enjoyable background music. It's a bit too long though and some songs don't have much substance. "Freedom Train" is lyrically on the same level as "Around the World" by Daft Punk.
"I Build This Garden for Us" and "Mr. Cab Driver" were my favorites. I'm pretty sure I've heard the latter one before. Learning about the penis flop incident was also great.
Moby Grape
2/5
Really really really average 60s rock. I didn't hear anything particularly memorable or genre-defining. The best song is 55 seconds long.
Spotify doesn't even have the full album, had to scour Youtube for the rest.
Sigur Rós
5/5
Holy shit. 10/10
I know an album is good when my first impressions of it are "Wait.. this could be the best album I've ever heard in my life"
Van Morrison
2/5
This whole list made me realize that there's too much folk rock in the world and that it all sounds exactly the same. I'm on album 95. This is my 12th folk rock album.. that's around 13% of everything so far and I literally don't remember any song, any word spoken, any note played from any of the boring "acoustic guitar + guy singing" combos I've had to endure (Except for PJ Harvey - Let England Shake, I quite liked that one).
One good song ("The Way Young Lovers Do"). "Madame George" was also pretty enjoyable, but then it just kept going and going for 9 whole minutes. The rest is just more forgettable folk.
Frank Sinatra
2/5
Of course this belongs on this list, there is no doubt about that. Sinatra was one of the most influential people in musical history after all.
That being said, it hasn't aged the best. A full 50-minute album of songs about heartbreak? It starts to get pretty annoying after the third song of him singing about a girl leaving him. My brother in Christ, chill.
I'm sure this would sound better at a cocktail party in the 50s. I don't think Frank anticipated people listening to this album through headphones, in front of their computer, working and drinking hot cocoa.
David Bowie
3/5
Is literally every single Bowie album on this list? The writers of this book must be huge fans. Why do I have to listen to THIS album when I should also listen to the vastly superior and vastly more influential Bowie albums like Ziggy Stardust and Hunky Dory?
It's fine. The songs are listenable. Nothing particularly memorable or exciting. The best song was probably "Stay".
Frank Zappa
4/5
Zappa was the absolute man. Unironically one of the most talented musicians ever, but sadly underrated because.. uh.. I guess people don't want to listen to a guy singing about how he can take an hour on the tower of power as long as he gets a little golden shower.
Those people are weak.
This album is some proggy psychedelic jazz mix. "Peaches En Regalia" is a classic, "Son Of Mr. Green Genes" was probably my favorite of the three long songs on the album and "Little Umbrellas" is also really good. Not the biggest fan of "The Gumbo Variations", which goes completely into jazz hell territory. Overall a very solid album.
Pulp
3/5
This is my second Pulp album in two weeks and what I've gathered is that they're the horniest band on Earth. These guys LOVE singing about sticking their penis into female orifices (too often nonconsensually as well). I'm too asexual for this, sorry.
I think I liked this a bit more than Different Class and I gave that a 3/5, so same for this one. Favorite track was probably "Help The Aged".
[Insert Bowie comparison here]
[Insert "Suede is better" here]
[Insert complaint about whispering here]
Sinead O'Connor
3/5
It's okay, I have a headache so I kind of needed slower and more mellow music today. Not particularly exciting or memorable. She's clearly talented but this kind of music isn't for me.
Also this is my 100th rated album, nice.
AC/DC
2/5
For all intents and purposes, this entire album is just one 43 minutes long song. It works for some people, just like some people's favorite ice-cream flavor is vanilla.
Somebody like me who likes to listen to Radiohead and Pink Floyd is not the target demographic. I like the occasional "Back in Black" or "Thunderstruck" in a rock playlist, but an entire album? Give me a nice scoop of lobster flavored ice cream. That's a real thing by the way.
Supergrass
5/5
Sick. I had a really good time with this - there was no song that I didn't enjoy. "In It For The Money", "Richard III", "Sun Hits the Sky" and "You Can See Me" were the best of the best for me. Very pleasantly surprised, it's always the albums with the most garbage covers that I seem to enjoy the most in the end. I mean, the cover's not bad, but it (together with the band name) made me think I was going to be listening to bluegrass.
(I only listened to what Spotify considers to be "disc 1", since disc 2 is for the bonus tracks according to Wikipedia)
Iron Butterfly
2/5
Sounds like The Doors and I'm not the biggest Doors fan. The first 5 songs are basically just filler. There is nothing memorable about them and they are absolutely eclipsed into the shadow realm by the title track "In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida".
Jamiroquai
2/5
I liked the first song, but then I remembered that I viciously despise jazz. When they started doing the "doo do-do-do doo", it was all downhill from there. I have to say though, that album art and their logo in general is really cool. "Music of the Mind" was a pretty alright instrumental [PLEASE WAIT.. CONNECTING TO THE SERVER]-type track.
Can't believe this is a white British guy. I'm going to throw up.
Elvis Presley
3/5
Elvis just kind of exists in a "of course he's good, but it's not my kind of music" place for me along with people like Frank Sinatra and Buddy Holly. That being said, this was pleasant and enjoyable. There were some weaker songs, but the highs were pretty high.
Missy Elliott
2/5
I wasn't feeling it as much as the first Missy Elliott album I had not too long ago.
Just chill background music, lacking the energy and catchiness of "Under Construction".
Tortoise
3/5
"Thank you for calling, please wait while we connect your call" [this album starts playing]
It's fine, chill, kind of boring at times. I don't have a problem with long songs, but Djed doesn't need to be 21 minutes long when all the cool things happen in the last 8 or so minutes (I really liked that glitchy part). "Dear Grandma and Grandpa" was my favorite song on the album because it reminds me of some ambiance you would hear in an indie horror game - really cool with the weird German(?) voices in the background (obscure reference, but it reminds me of the song "Numbers" from the OMORI soundtrack, which also contains ominous German voices).
a-ha
2/5
One hit wonder. What's next? The Mambo No. 5 album?
I like Take on Me, but starting off an album with your best song is usually a pretty bad idea. It goes downhill after that and the rest is unmemorable boring new wave - meaningless mumbly lyrics, repetitive synths and uninteresting melodies. The worst offender is "I Dream Myself Alive" where the singer repeats the title phrase like 50 times. I don't know, I wasn't counting. Or paying attention, really. Maybe I just dreamed that up.
Bill Evans Trio
1/5
I hate jazz so much.
Megadeth
4/5
I still prefer Metallica. Something about Mustaine's vocals just seems a bit off to me, but there is no denying that this is a fun record and that the guitar could disintegrate a young child off the mortal plane.
The album art is really funny to me for some reason. Gently stroke the alien tube.
Ice T
5/5
Bangers and the guy is really funny as well. I'm not a big fan of skits in albums, but "First Impression" made me exhale through my nose. Very long. "Body Count" is a straight up rock song, "The Tower" samples the Halloween theme song?! This album just goes everywhere at once.. in a good way.
I always thought that ICE-T was garbage, probably because Vanilla Ice soiled every ice-based rapper for me by association. The best rap album I've had so far - 5/5.
Dr. Dre
5/5
This is my second gangsta rap album in a row. Yesterday, I gave ICE-T's "O.G. Original Gangster" a 5/5 and I actually enjoyed this one even more. Stop giving me good rap albums or I'll have to go down a rabbit hole I never envisioned myself peeking my head into.
The only thing I didn't like were the cheesy skits. I've also noticed that hip hop albums in general happen to be really long. This one, at around 63 minutes, was one of the shorter ones.
Shack
2/5
Completely unremarkable. Not bad, but also not particularly good or notable. Just a completely regular album that definitely exists. They play the instruments, they sing some lyrics - that's about it. Good for them.
The earlier songs were better than the ones near the end. My favorite song was probably "Beautiful". It's a pretty standard feel-good pop track, but I enjoyed it.
Moby
3/5
I knew the good songs. "Natural Blues", "Porcelain", "Why Does My Heart Feel So Bad?" - all great.
Not a fan of the whispering in songs like "The Sky Is Broken" near the end. Speaking of the end, Jesus Christ this album never ends.
Moby looks like the villain from Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs 2.
Steely Dan
3/5
Alright. Not as good as Pretzel Logic. None of the songs are bad, but there's not some huge hit that will blow your mind here. It's all quite safe dad rock you hear on the radio.
I mean I guess I can't complain, the title only mentioned a countdown. Maybe the ecstasy in question is their next project, which just happens to be Pretzel Logic. I really like Pretzel Logic, have I mentioned that already.
The Stooges
2/5
Not as fun or as house as I expected. The first few songs were pretty good rock tracks, but then they let Helen Keller play the saxophone and it was all downhill from there.
Definitely influential though and worth listening to, just skip "L.A. Blues" if you don't want the Guantanamo Bay experience in musical form.
Finley Quaye
2/5
Bro who even is this guy. I google his name and the first result is "Finley Quaye found guilty for headbutting terminally ill friend over Game of Thrones" and the image is some black-and-white Gilbert Gottfried lookalike (rest in peace by the way) and Peter Dinklage. Then the literal next result is "Finley Quaye admits criminal damage after he threw metal road sign through glass bus door". The third result is "Finley Quaye threatened to stab cop and 'get a grenade' for bar manager he vowed to shoot".
This guy is just smashing everything in his path, pulverizing innocent citizens with his laser beam eyes, and I'm supposed to listen to his album?
I listened to his album and it was pretty alright. Not a huge fan of reggae or obliterating people with metal rods, but I enjoyed "Sunday Shining". Hope he doesn't throw a comically large piano down a flight of stairs at me for giving his album a 2/5.
The Kinks
4/5
I am a sucker for stupid British songs about goblins, clowns, toy soldiers, gnomes and such (think "The Piper at the Gates of Dawn" by Pink Floyd).
I had fun with this. "David Watts" was funny, "Waterloo Sunset" made me feel good and "Death of a Clown" is so stupid that I love it. Something about the image of a clown being lowered into a coffin is hilarious to me.
Fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa. That'll be stuck in my head for the entire week.
Solomon Burke
2/5
Another really old one. Sorry, all the music from this era and genre sounds the same to me. I'll just copy-paste the thing I always write for these: "Clearly influential and talented, but not for me"
D'Angelo
1/5
About as musically interesting as listening to a bubbling pot.
TLC
1/5
I forgot I was listening to this while I was listening to this. I had a split second thought like "Damn, kinda quiet here. I should put some music on." and then I remembered this was playing.
Not a fan at all. A chore to get through. "Waterfalls" was supposed to be the big hit but I didn't even register when the song started or ended.
Alice In Chains
3/5
Pretty good. I still prefer Nirvana and Pearl Jam, but I can respect this album a lot. I'll have to listen to it again to form a stronger opinion, but a 3/5 for now.
Eagles
4/5
The Eagles are probably the band that most people think of when they hear "dad rock" but man.. I kinda really like this album.
I was expecting to loathe this since I don't particularly care for country music but I even enjoyed the song called "Earlybird" which is the most stereotypical farm music I've ever heard in my life.
It's corny (like.. actual corn, yeehaw), easy to hate on, and not the most musically impressive thing ever made, but I like it.
Jimi Hendrix
3/5
Nice. I listened to this while insanely drunk and it enhanced my experience. I'm still not sober, so I don't even know what I'm writing right now. Man's got a lot of arms. They should call him Slimmy Jimi.
I don't remember it that well, but I don't think it's exactly the album's fault.
Marianne Faithfull
2/5
Awesome guitar but the vocals are unbearable. I think this would work better as an instrumental album, but I get that's not what she was going for. This is about her struggles and damn, reading her Wikipedia article for the first time, how is this woman still alive.
Michael Jackson
4/5
A good album, a great album even, but one of the best ever? Ehh... seems like a 4/5 to me. There's the huge hits like "Beat It", "Billie Jean" and the title track, and then there's songs that are just kind of there (not bad, but not quite memorable and overshadowed by the huge hits) like "Human Nature" and "The Lady In My Life".
Also isn't Paul McCartney like 30 years older than MJ? Why are they fighting for the same girl? I'm sure nobody has made that observation before.
Hanoi Rocks
2/5
Dude whatever. This is absolutely not something you need to listen to before you die. This is something you find in your dad's CD rack and even he would be like "I don't remember this one".
A 2/5 since I don't actually hate the songs here, they're really simple and kind of boring, but I can still listen to them. I'm mostly just baffled at why this was included.
The Who
2/5
Mostly just generic rock. I really like Who's Next, but this one didn't quite click with me. The first few songs were completely forgettable. "My Generation" was good, I also enjoyed the instrumental "The Ox". I'm not the biggest fan of Daltrey's vocals. Keith Moon killing it on the drums as usual, but maybe they rely on him a bit too much?
I'll give this a 2/5 from an enjoyment factor, but I respect this album a thousand times more than the albums I usually give 2s to.
Adam & The Ants
4/5
This is fucking horrible - I love it. I'm not sure why I actually like this. The lyrics are stupid, the music is stupid, the name and album art are stupid.. there's even a completely random pirate song for absolutely no reason. The band's not even "Adam & The Ants", there's one guy named "Adam Ant". It makes no sense - that's like The Beatles calling themselves "John & The Lennons".
This is what the kids like to call "penis music" and I'm here for it.
Yeah I gave this a 4/5 and The White Album a 2/5, what are you going to do about it. I am aware that my brain is completely rotten and that I have tiny goblins building aqueducts in my cerebral cortex.
Oasis
1/5
Couldn't get into it. Just insanely boring and uninteresting. All the songs sound the same.. guess Oasis isn't for me because I always found Wonderwall to be very boring as well.
Blur wins. Actually Suede wins but they were too busy doing crack cocaine during the whole feud. Can't believe these guys used to be labeled as "the next Beatles".
John Cale
3/5
Pretty good. Not groundbreaking, but I enjoyed it as chill morning music. One of those albums where I have nothing to say. It's always the ones where the cover is some guy looking at you. The ones where you think "Okay, i'll listen to this and I'll even probably enjoy it, but this isn't going to be the next Dark Side of the Moon". 3/5
Basement Jaxx
2/5
Background music. This kind of album is always hard to review because you're not supposed to be listening to it from the comfort of your home with breakfast in hand.
I hated the song with the random moaning woman. What an annoying sample.
Paul Simon
3/5
I always thought this was an album from the early 70s, not the late 80s.. damn. Kind of a weird combination of synths and African singing.
I've had the "Ladysmith Black Mambazo" album on here before and I quite enjoyed that one, but I think the song with them on this album was my least favorite one.
Cultural appropriation? I don't know, I haven't read enough about the production of this album to know how he treated them and hell, I'm not the one to decide if this is or isn't cultural appropriation. I'm just happy to be exposed to South African music because I would never seek music like this on my own.
Overall nice to hear something different because I've been in an uninteresting meh music limbo the past two weeks. A strong 3/5 I think.
Tina Turner
3/5
It's exactly what one would expect. Good voice. Also there's a cat on the album cover, just noticed that while writing this sentence.
T. Rex
2/5
I don't get it. Seems like generic glam rock.
Nothing is bad, nothing really stands out.. I never know how to rate these, because they are immediately removed from my memory within a minute of the album ending.
"Metal Guru" was probably my favorite song, "Ballroom of Mars" was oingy-boingy. I don't know what that means either but that's what I wrote down.
Bob Marley & The Wailers
3/5
Yup. It's definitely reggae.
Black Sabbath
5/5
I love evil music! I want to listen to music that would get me burned at the stake in the 15th century!
The spooky Halloween atmosphere is awesome, too bad it's May right now. Full of bangers - the title track is a contender for best metal song of all time. "N.I.B." was sick, so was "The Wizard". I gotta say, thanks for using the harmonica in its intended form - a horror instrument. Take notes, Bob Dylan - I don't want to hear your screeching piece of rusty metal in an otherwise beautiful song. The harmonica is a demonic instrument that summons demons.
The Avalanches
4/5
I kinda wish more songs on this album sounded like "Frontier Psychiatrist", since that's undoubtedly the best song here.
I've been really harsh on these dance albums (and holy shit there's a lot of them on this list), but I really enjoyed this one. It was fun, funky and criminally insane.
A bit too long though. None of the songs after "Frontier Psychiatrist" hit particularly hard.
Hawkwind
4/5
Jesse play "the 2 hour long psychedelic space rock album about accumulators and simultaneous orgasms, featuring Lemmy from Motörhead on bass with the naked woman on the cover" even if we scare the hoes.
Yo Mr White that's a great idea. I love that album. My favorite song is "Brainstorm", which goes on for 14 minutes and roughly 12 minutes of that is a guitar solo.
The Black Keys
2/5
INTRODUCING THE ALL NEW FORD MUSTANG
[Camera shows car on a highway with almost no traffic]
ZERO PERCENT FINANCING
[Camera shows timelapse of the Milky Way galaxy]
(A song from this album is playing in the background the entire time)
Some songs sounded like Imagine Dragons which instantly activated my fight-or-flight response.
Leonard Cohen
4/5
Never heard of him, but seeing a dapper guy eating a banana at a warehouse is always a great first impression.
Actually really like this. Enjoyed the vocals, the slight 80s cheesiness was endearing (I love stupid songs. "Jazz Police" was great). My favorite song though was probably "First We Take Manhattan" - sounded like a Bond villain speech and I'm always a sucker for that kind of evil sound.
Bee Gees
2/5
Not good. Boring and an hour long, the worst combination.
False advertising. This is absolutely not a concept album. There's one song about the "lost ship of Veronica" that's supposed to be the main motif, and then it's just random Beatlesesque love songs and the occasional yeehaw farm music for some reason. (And no, "Seven Seas Symphony" doesn't count. You can name that song "Fartdingle" and it loses any semblance of a connection to the concept).
Very close to being a 1/5, but there's like two songs here that I genuinely really liked. "Suddenly" and "Seven Seas Symphony". These guys found their place in music later on. I can't take that one 8-minute long epic progressive pop track on this album seriously because I keep hearing the falsetto "STAYIN' ALIVE, STAYIN' ALIVE" in the back of my mind.
Sorry, I don't know why I wrote an entire college essay about this one. I should have just said "Meh, not for me" and moved on with my day.
CHIC
2/5
Well.. it sure is disco. Can't deny that.
The songs are too long for their own good. It gets really samey near the end.
Pavement
2/5
I've only heard "Cut Your Hair" before and I don't know anything about Pavement. Just some regular 90s alt rock. Nothing particularly memorable and kind of gets annoying near the end. That last song just goes on forever, man.
There's something "unfinished" about this album and I can't put my finger on it. Nothing really grabbed me and I blame the lack of polish.
Willie Nelson
3/5
Best country album so far, but still a 3/5 since I'm not a fan of this genre at all. Willie Nelson seems like a great guy though. He's almost 90 and still kicking ass apparently. 5 albums in the last 3 years, damn.
Lambchop
1/5
Wow. This sucked.
Like genuinely, this is absolutely atrocious and borderline unlistenable. I found nothing redeeming in this and was relieved when it finally ended after 50 minutes. Too long, too repetitive, the music sucks and the vocals are horrible. Good god, the vocals are so bad. How can you make a song like "You Masculine You" and think you've created art.
I'm almost 150 albums deep and this is was the hardest thing to finish save for maybe L'Eau Rouge by The Young Gods.
Watergate.
Super Furry Animals
4/5
Britpop + psychedelia + punk rock? Was this album made specifically for me?
Fun and the right amount of stupid. Some songs were a bit forgettable. This band is very much up my alley though, gotta check their other work as well. Shit, they made an entire neo-psychedelic album in Welsh?
Jane's Addiction
3/5
Incredibly influential, of course, but kind of suffers from "Seinfeld is unfunny" syndrome. Just seems like average alt rock by today's standards and I found the guy's voice a bit annoying after a while.
"Mountain Song" was good, "Jane Says" and "Pigs in Zen" as well. Not a huge fan of "Ted, Just Admit it.." which is 7 minutes long but doesn't do anything special with the time it's given.
The album art is absolute nightmare fuel and the boobs don't help.
Emmylou Harris
2/5
Nice voice, but no way this is something you need to hear before you die. The NINETEENTH album by her? Was this seriously such a huge step up from the first eighteen? Always eyebrow-raising when you check the Legacy section on Wikipedia and the only sentence is "The album was included in the book 1001 Albums You Must Hear Before You Die." Also not a big fan of country or folk.
Mercury Rev
5/5
Very chill, beautiful and an easy listen. I really liked this. Some of the songs here make me feel emotions that don't exist. "Goddess on a Hiway" was amazing, so were all the songs after it, finishing off with "Delta Sun Bottleneck Stomp". "I Collect Coins" reminds me of something and I can't put my finger on it.. really, there were no bad songs here. I don't have anything to complain about.
The Rolling Stones
4/5
The Rolling Stones are one of the biggest bands of all time but I always keep forgetting they exist for some reason. I really only listen to two songs by them ("Gimme Shelter" and "Paint It Black") over and over again. This was my first full Rolling Stones album, and it was pretty damn good. The songs are all solid, with "Sympathy for the Devil" being the standout track. The worst ones are not bad, just kind of forgettable. I don't really remember what "Dear Doctor" or "Prodigal Son" were about.
Supertramp
3/5
Very average 70s prog rock with 2 standout tracks ("School" and "Asylum"). The finale of the last track ("Crime of the Century") was also nice. I'm kind of done with prog rock at the moment. Would have loved this two years ago.
Dire Straits
3/5
Dire Straits is sort of like Queen for me, in that I would much rather just listen to their singles thrown in a random rock playlist than an entire album. "Sultans of Swing", "Money for Nothing", "Romeo and Juliet".. some of my favorite songs of all time.
"Setting Me Up", "Wild West End", "Lovely Ride", "Lions"? I listened to this album three hours ago and I have no idea what any of these are. Tell me to name any word sung or any note played and I'd tell you to shoot me in the head, man. You probably didn't even notice that I made the third song up.
So basically what I'm saying is that I have crippling ADHD and "Sultans of Swing" is the only memorable song on this album. Cool album cover though.
Curtis Mayfield
2/5
Probably one of the better choices for a soundtrack addition to the list, but it's no "Minecraft - Volume Alpha" by C418, let's be honest. "Saturday Night Fever"? Never heard of her. This is strictly a "Minecraft - Volume Alpha" household.
This album seems like mostly average soul to me, sorry. Not a huge fan of soul, although I did enjoy "Give Me Your Love".
Sisters Of Mercy
4/5
Cool. I used to listen to this band before going to sleep a lot for some reason and I kind of Pavlov dogged myself. I could feel my eyes closing on their own even though it was only 2 PM while I was listening to this.
Gothic rock is up my alley, but I prefer Siouxsie and the Banshees, Joy Division, Nick Cave and the background music for Big Boo's Haunt in Super Mario 64. Still very good though - a 3.5/5
John Prine
2/5
Undoubtedly the greatest country album named "John Prine" released in 1971.
Jimmy Smith
1/5
I can't listen to jazz. I don't understand it. It's the musical equivalent of a foreign language to me. I'm sure the saxophonist is spitting straight facts, but it just sounds like random annoying dooting to me.
Meat Loaf
3/5
Kind of dated, kind of dumb, kind of cliché... but also kind of fun. Kept my attention for longer than I thought it would. The title track is a proper banger, so is "Paradise by the Dashboard Light". Not a fan of the last track, which always sucks, because it leaves you with a sour taste even if the rest of the album was great.
Has some lows, has some highs, probably wouldn't listen to the entire thing again, a 3/5.
New Order
4/5
Awesome. A mix of the gothic Joy Division sound and something poppier. I really like Joy Division so I don't know why I never bothered listening to this band before.
He's doing the Megamind "No bitches?" angle on the cover by the way.
k.d. lang
3/5
Spongebob title card music. I like it.
Bob Marley & The Wailers
3/5
I liked this more than the first Bob Marley album I had (Exodus), but it's still reggae.. and I'm not the biggest fan of reggae.
That being said, it was pretty chill background noise and it helped me focus in a particularly stressful situation.
Radiohead
5/5
This is undoubtedly one of the best albums of all time. I was going to list my favorite songs, but then I realized I was just typing all the tracks on here in order. Even "Fitter Happier", which is a text to speech program coldly reading words from a list manages to make me emotional.
Seriously can't name a single thing I dislike about this album. Not only is this a 5/5, it's also a 10/10. Love these little British music goblins. Looking forward to giving The Bends the same score as well. Maybe Kid A as well.
Sepultura
5/5
This is so fucking sick. Makes me want to bench press a blue whale.
Heavy, but not in that annoying "SATAN BLOOD DEATH! MY PARENTS ARE GETTING A DIVORCE" kind of way (Looking at you, Slayer). Mixing the screaming and insane guitars with Brazilian tribal music somehow works incredibly well.
Favorite track was either "Ratamahatta", "Endangered Species" or "Roots Bloody Roots". Honorable mention goes to the 13-minute bonus track "Canyon Jam".
A 2.76 global rating? Made me think I was going to be listening to Poundland Megadeth or something.
Digital Underground
3/5
I thought I would enjoy this, but the songs are just too long. It's still pretty good, but I don't see myself ever going back to it and listening to the entire album again. "The Humpty Dance" is a classic, no doubt. Most songs are really good even, but for some reason all of them are over 5 minutes long (up to 9 minutes). They lose their steam halfway through - "Doowutchyalike" should have really just ended on that fake fade-out gag.
Loved the concept of "sex packets". It's like they made a whole album based on some random Family Guy cutaway joke. Also "MC Blowfish"? How the fuck do you come up with that. How do you drag that concept out of your head. I love it.
Eels
3/5
Let's talk about that album cover. Actually, let's not.
A few good songs, but mostly forgettable. "Novacaine for the Soul", "Susan's House" and "Mental" were my favorites. Not a huge fan of the singer's voice - he sings like he's just going through the motions most of the time.
Small Faces
4/5
The first disc was forgettable. Nothing special, just regular psychedelic-ish rock. The only good song on that half was "Lazy Sunday".
The second disc absolutely saves the entire album and carries it to a 4/5 for me. I love stupid concepts and a guy riding a giant fly to locate the other half of the moon is something I can get behind. It was strangely nostalgic and reminded me of old fairy tales (something they were probably going for).
Best songs: "Lazy Sunday", "Happiness Stan", "Mad John", "HappyDaysToyTown".
LL Cool J
2/5
Meh. Wasn't feeling it. I couldn't connect with this one as much as the other rap albums I've had so far, so this ended up being mostly just background noise.
Keith Jarrett
3/5
Actually pretty lovely background music. Has its charm in a "monkeys with typewriters" kind of way. Most of the time it's regular piano playing, but then he'll randomly use some kind of black magic piano cheat code that makes me feel emotions, and I'll be like "God damn okay. Please continue, Keith Jarrett at the Opera House in Cologne".
Beatles
3/5
Never got the hype around this one to be honest. It's still good, but I'd take Revolver or Sgt Pepper over it any day of the week.
My favorite songs on this album are "Come Together", "I Want You (She's So Heavy)" and "Here Comes The Sun". I don't care for any of the songs after "Because" - the medley doesn't work for me and never has, don't know why. I really hope I don't come off as a contrarian, because I see that this is one of the highest rated albums on the site. The problem is clearly on my receiving end, I fully get that.
Although Rango "Sir Richard Starkley MBE" Starr really carries the Beatles to greatness as always with his beautiful song "Octopus's Garden", which is a metaphor for pubic hair or some shit. Peace and love, peace and love 😎✌️🌟🌟❤️🎶💕☮️
Shivkumar Sharma
3/5
I really like when the generator throws me a curveball of an album like this - something obscure from a genre I barely even know exists. Even if I don't necessarily love it, it's always a treat to explore musical depths.
Spotify has the wrong album, but the version on Youtube I listened to was fantastic. The vinyl crackling really added to the mystical atmosphere. Like I just uncovered some lost buried disc in the middle of the Kashmir mountains.
Atmospherically a 5/5, current enjoyment-wise a strong 3/5 but I'm definitely listening to some of this again once I'm in the right mood (probably not the full 40 minutes though, not counting bonus tracks).
Talking Heads
1/5
"Fear Of Music"? Yeah, these guys were deathly afraid of making good music.
I don't get this genre at all. They're just talking... with their heads. Almost like they're The Talking Heads™ (Credits roll)
There's like 5 Talking Heads albums on this list. Maybe I'll enjoy one of them, since I actually think Psycho Killer's quite a banger.
Buffalo Springfield
3/5
Some great songs like "Expecting to Fly" and "Broken Arrow", but more filler than killer. The second half is completely forgettable except for the final track.
Jurassic 5
4/5
Really great. Guy with the deep voice (Charli 2na I think?) steals the show, but they're all great and work well together.
The last 5 tracks are pretty meh, but other than that it's great beats and great flows all around. Favorite track was "Thin Line".
Earth, Wind & Fire
2/5
Listening to Earth, Wind & Fire gives me the same vibes as watching UFO sightings on Youtube.
Kendrick Lamar
3/5
I rarely pay attention to lyrics in music and that's like 50% of Kendrick's appeal. His fans treat his music like the Pepe Silvia scene from It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia.
This album isn't for me (I'm Slavic. So white that I'm basically translucent), but I have to admit that King Kunta is fucking incredible - probably my favorite hip hop track of all time.
4/5
This and Origin of Symmetry are my favorite Muse albums. Too bad they get worse and worse with every album they put out.
It's music that was probably made in a lab and if I were to sniff the album I would get glitter in my nose, but it's still really damn good.
The best song on the album, also the best song of the entire Muse discography is without a doubt "Knights of Cydonia". Other great songs: "Starlight", "City of Delusion", "Glorious" and "Supermassive Black Hole".
The Gun Club
1/5
Is this.. country punk? Whatever this abomination is, I don't like it.
Every song is the same. They say the N-word more times than the amount of chords they can play.
Songhoy Blues
4/5
Pretty sure I've heard this before while looking into African music on Spotify. I also recommend Mdou Moctar to anyone who enjoyed this.
Language barrier? I don't care! I just like the way their voices and guitars sound. The singer could be hexing my entire family for all I know.
Look at that cover. These guys are better than you and they know it. Four outta five.
The Hives
1/5
I'm too dead inside for this kind of energy. Also the music fucking sucks.
Suicide
1/5
My Spotify friends probably think I'm a serial killer. All of them are out here vibing to their "summer vibes" playlist - Avril Lavigne, Harry Styles, whatever, and I've been on a 30 minute long binge of SUICIDE - SUICIDE.
Look man, I understand that music taste is subjective but I seriously can't imagine anyone willingly listening to this in their free time. What enjoyment can you get from a guy mumbling random words from the bottom of a well over the Pac-Man theme song.
"Frankie Teardrop" is the worst song I've ever heard in my life. I bet they really felt like they made art with that one. Yeah, let's sing about a guy killing his wife and then make goat sex noises for 3 minutes. It was supposed to be unnerving, but the only emotion I felt was annoyance. I think a Youtube comment I saw put it the best:
"It’s like a bad horror movie that has a trash story and only relies on jumpscares lol"
Do not check the Wikipedia page for "Johnny (Suicide song)". Currently listening to "10 hours of nails on chalkboard" to cleanse my ears.
Robbie Williams
4/5
This is just straight up good music. Nothing groundbreaking or special, but still good and sometimes that's everything you need. Tickles my brain and makes me feel nice. This man has never played a genie in a Disney movie.
The Who
5/5
Who's best. The songs here are so iconic that I'm pretty sure you're just born into this world with the knowledge of their existence. "Baba O'Riley", "Behind Blue Eyes", "Won't Get Fooled Again" - some of the biggest songs ever. I'm also a big fan of "Bargain" and "My Wife".
One of the most iconic album covers of all time. They really pissed all over that monolith. Good for them.
Nitin Sawhney
4/5
This was pretty damn good honestly.
It goes in every direction at once. Trip-Hop? Tired of that, this is an electronic album now. Actually, this is a Hindi classical album now. Just kidding, back to trip-hop. Actually let's do a lo-fi song. Okay, back to Hindi classical... with a tinge of jazz.
The second half drags on a bit, despite still having some great songs. "The Conference" is so silly, I love it. It's like two Animal Crossing characters arguing.
Can't choose one favorite track. Either "Broken Skin", "Homelands", "Pilgrim" or "Nostalgia".
MC Solaar
2/5
Whatever. French rap that's too long and too forgettable. I'm sure he's spitting straight facts though.
X-Ray Spex
5/5
Absolutely loved all of it. I've never heard of this band and this album is now one of my favorites. When it ended, I even listened to all the bonus tracks and then wanted to listen to their entire discography back to back... turns out they only made two albums.. and this is their only one on Spotify. That's the first time I've ever done that from what I remember.
Whoever's that saxophonist, I hope he's alive and healthy. What a legend.
Crosby, Stills & Nash
2/5
Music for people who clap when an airplane lands.
Too many albums from the Neil Young Extended Universe (CSN, CSNY, Buffalo Springfield, all of the members' solo albums) on this list and they all sound the same.
The Byrds
2/5
CTA-102 guest starring the Minions? What the hell was that?
I just had a Crosby, Stills & Nash album yesterday. This is exactly the same thing. I guess I should see who the guitarist for The Byrds is. Oh, it's fucking David Crosby again. The most important man in musical history according to this book. Is he the guy who looks like Patrick Bateman cosplaying as Heisenberg on the album cover? There's 5 Byrds albums on this list for some reason. Who the hell are The Byrds? Who the hell is David Crosby? Where is my wife?
Oh yeah, the music. It was boring 60s folk rock. Not horrible, but not for me.
Kacey Musgraves
2/5
Disney movie credits music. But not like Lion King. I'm talking like Wreck it Ralph 7: The Ralphening, which has 23% on Rotten Tomatoes.
"A country pop record, Golden Hour also contains elements of disco" Basically the antithesis of my music taste.
Louis Prima
3/5
Pretty wild, but "The Wildest"? I don't think so, bucko.
Good background music, but this genre is nothing more than that for me.
Talking Heads
2/5
I don't know why, but this kind of music makes me incredibly angry. "Psycho Killer" is the only song saving this from a 1/5 for me.
The instrumentation is so incredibly bland. Every song these guys make is the same thing over and over again - what makes this album different from "Fear of Music" other than David Byrne mumbling slightly different nonsense?
None of my complaints apply to "Remain in Light". That album is, dare I say it, funky as fuck.
Arcade Fire
5/5
I honestly don't know how they captured the feeling of drinking a cold Fanta while watching the sunset during the first day of summer break in musical form, but they did.
I'm a sucker for this kind of "sad nostalgia". Sure worked on me, and I'm not even from the suburbs.
Lightning Bolt
4/5
Sounds like my brain is getting completely disintegrated in an atomic blast... in a good way.
You know how people say that metal music makes them feel strong, like they could punch an elephant? This makes me feel like I should go to the nearest gym and ask to get punched in the face by the buffest guy there (again, in a good way).
Air
2/5
Sadly not even close to Moon Safari.. or anything else by Air for that matter. Definitely an outlier in their discography. An interesting listen, but when I think Air I definitely don't think "psychological drama about child suicide".
The Rolling Stones
4/5
Listened to the US version (the one with Paint It Black (the superior version)). A lot of the lyrics seem like they haven't aged the best. Also could have gone without that 11-minute track. Other than that, it's very enjoyable.
The Smiths
5/5
36 years later and she still ain't dead. False advertising.
One of my favorite albums of all time. Too bad Morrissey is kind of a dickhead, but let's separate the art from the artist. Best track is probably "Bigmouth Strikes Again" although it's so hard to choose when there's also "The Queen Is Dead", "Frankly, Mr. Shankly", "Cemetry Gates", "The Boy With A Thorn In His Side" and "There Is A Light That Never Goes Out".
Do you think Lizzy listens to this in her free time cackling as she absorbs the life force of another virgin sacrifice? She'll outlive us all.
Isaac Hayes
4/5
Four long songs - the first two are fantastic, the latter two are nothing special. The spoken word segment from "By The Time I Get To Phoenix" was weird and straight-up not enjoyable (musically speaking).
Minus 4 stars for being a Scientologist, plus 4 stars for being Chef from South Park.
Led Zeppelin
4/5
I was lucky enough to never listen to classic rock radio stations, so literally no song was "overplayed" for me before I really got into music. Not even "Stairway to Heaven" - I overplayed that one for me myself. I discovered these songs like a caveman discovering fire.
I wrote that previous paragraph like 5 hours ago and forgot where I was going with it so let me just say that this isn't my favorite Loop Zoop album (IV all the way, then Physical Graffiti and II tied for second place) but it's still incredibly good. These guys just randomly spawned from the mist in 1969 and decided to change musical history forever while dedicating 30 seconds of every song to Robert Plant having an orgasm.
With songs like "Good Times Bad Times" and "Dazed and Confused", how can this be anything but a 5/5? That's why I'm giving this a 4/5. For any inquiry please contact me at: sexbreasts.gov
Do not click that link if it somehow exists, I don't know where it goes.
Astrud Gilberto
2/5
There is nothing wrong with this. I'm just a cynical asshole that finds this kind of music incredibly boring.
I like that the two Brazilian reps on this list are bossa nova Astrud Gilberto and death metal Sepultura.
The The
4/5
Weird, cool, funky, fun. Production is a bit jarring at first (it's the 80s), but quickly grew on me.
Standout tracks: "Infected", "Heartland" and "Sweet Bird of Paradise". Obscure post-punk keeps on giving. Probably my favorite genre at the moment. Good good work work The The!
Hole
3/5
(My 200th album!)
It's OK. Nothing special but enjoyable enough. Kind of strikes me as worse Nirvana, which makes sense since this is Courtney Love - the wife of Kurt Cobain. She probably didn't murder him, but I've seen her making crop circles and building pyramids in my backyard so there might be some supernatural properties to her. I'll let the FBI handle that one. Maybe she also got Tupac and Elvis.
Kraftwerk
2/5
Oxygène by Jean-Michel Jarre was released 2 years earlier and sounds more impressive in my opinion. Däften Pünken over here are very keen on stretching a 2 minute song to 8 minutes for no particular reason.
"Neon Lights" is some CIA torture shit. I felt like I'd just ran a marathon after it finally ended.
The robot voices are incredibly cheesy as well. Somehow a snoozefest and a headache at the same time. "The Model" saves this from a 1/5 - I don't know why, but I enjoyed that one.
Beastie Boys
3/5
Some good songs, some meh songs. "B-Boy Bouillabaisse" especially was just a massive waste of time.
"Looking Down The Barrel Of a Gun" was probably my favorite song, although it was really scary hearing these white boys rhyming with the words "bigger" and "trigger". Second half of that science song had some cool energy as well.
Aerosmith
4/5
Truly gone fishing.
My only other Aerosmith experience was playing that truck sex album and saying "this fucking sucks", so pleasantly surprised with this one.
A fun record. Has those two songs everybody's heard before, has a song about the singer's massive schlong and having a metric ton of sex, has a song that makes you go "Wait hold on, who turned on Led Zeppelin?"
Am I talking about this album or literally any other rock album from 1975? Who cares. I still enjoyed it.
The Kinks
3/5
Not my go-to Kinks album. The few famous songs, "Party Line" and "Sunny Afternoon" are really great (nuclear opinion, but I always thought that the best Kinks songs were better than the best Beatles songs, even if the Beatles had better albums over all). The rest of the album is pretty unremarkable.. a good song here and there, but mostly forgettable generic pop rock.
Destiny's Child
2/5
Boring R&B for people whose only personality trait is saying "I'm not like the other girls" and then failing chemistry class.
Did they sample Toad from Mario Kart 64 hitting a banana peel at around 3:50 in the song "Happy Face"?
Simon & Garfunkel
2/5
I've never heard any song from this album, but seeing the words "folk rock" is enough for me to know that I probably won't like it.
Yeah, after listening, not a huge fan. There were some good moments - I'm a sucker for the flute so I enjoyed "El Condor Pasa". The "la la la" part of The Boxer also tickled my brain in a fancy way. That's it though. The rest was really generic, uninteresting folk music. I can definitely see this being enjoyable if you like this type of music though.
CHIC
3/5
Disco and R&B are not for me. Probably the best album from those genres so far, but it's just so samey and inoffensive that I can't give it anything higher than a 3/5.
Big Star
2/5
A few songs were missing from Spotify but I definitely got the jist.
Completely unfocused and all over the place. Some pretty cool moments, but still a mess overall. Also not a fan of the vocals.
Sister Sledge
3/5
What the hell dude, I just had a Chic album two days ago. No one man should have all that disco. I'm gonna get disco poisoning.
It's disco all right. I don't think they intended this to be played while driving a car but it's funky enough to be enjoyable background music. Nothing mind-blowing though.
The Cure
4/5
Depressing, dark, evil, with the obligatory song about animals having sex. Yup, this is classic gothic rock. Honestly, it's kind of incredible how something so off-putting and dark can be made actually listenable and enjoyable. (At least for certain people. I definitely don't blame anyone who dislikes this sort of sound)
Led Zeppelin
4/5
Always considered this one to be the weakest of the four self-titled albums. It still has the absolute bangers that are "Immigrant Song", "Tangerine" and "Since I've Been Loving You" and none of the songs are bad, so that really just speaks on how good the other self-titled albums are.
These guys are truly legends in the citrus rock genre. Lemons, tangerines.. should have done a song about limes as well to complete the holy trifecta.
Radiohead
5/5
Radiohead in 2000: "Ice Age coming, Ice Age coming"
The year 2002: A movie titled Ice Age comes out.
How did they know? 5/5.
The music was good as well.
Simple Minds
2/5
This has to be the worst album name and artwork combination I've ever seen. I thought I was going to be listening to gospel garbage.
It's... kind of whatever honestly. Like most of this 80s synth-heavy stuff, it hasn't aged the best. There's something missing here. The mixing is very weird. I couldn't pay attention to the lyrics at all because the guy's vocals sound like they're coming from the bottom of a well. There's better and more influential synthpop out there. I don't really get this album's inclusion, but meh who cares. It was listenable.
Echo And The Bunnymen
3/5
Fluctuates between really good and forgettable. I was only familiar with "The Killing Moon", and that's probably the best track on the album as well.
I had a similar album, "Pornography" by the Cure, a few days ago and I definitely enjoyed that one more.
Brian Griffin did the photography for this album apparently. Didn't know they were hiring dogs. Thank you, thank you. I'll be here all week.
The Mars Volta
5/5
Thematically and musically reminded me of "The Black Parade" by My Chemical Romance (one of the most baffling exclusions from this list, by the way). You could tell me the singer is Gerard Way's older brother and I would honestly believe you.
I really love it. The completely batshit lyrics, the guitars, vocals, drumming.. it all works so well together.
"Track-marked amoeba lands craft, cartwheel of scratches, dress the tapeworm as pet, tentacles smirk please" I have absolutely no idea what you're saying my guy, but it sounds cool so I'll let it slide.
The Beach Boys
2/5
Meh. I don't get The Beach Boys. The best part is that kickass album cover and the contrast it creates with the simple "Surf's Up" title, and their previous work.
The title track was pretty cool though.
Thin Lizzy
1/5
Generic rock? Live album? Goes on for 90 minutes? Oh boy, now we're really cooking with gas.
The only people capable of making good live albums are Johnny Cash, Frank Zappa and Kurt Cobain. I don't care for this type of rock, and I especially don't care for this type of rock but in worse audio quality, with people yelling in between songs.
Abdullah Ibrahim
2/5
I am the biggest jazz hater this side of the galaxy, but even I have to admit that this album has some alright sounds. Two outta five, probably the highest rating I've given to a jazz album so far.
B.B. King
3/5
It's honestly pretty good. Doesn't change my opinion about live albums being doodoo feces, but this B.B. King guy can play some nice tunes. The writers just kind of threw random live albums into the book to show that those exist as well - like seriously, Thin Lizzy's "Live and Dangerous? Cheap Trick's "Live at Budokan"? This album is probably one of the few that actually deserve a spot.
I'm usually not a fan of blues, so a live blues album getting a 3/5 from me would most likely be a shiny sparkly 5/5 for fans of this kind of music.
Kanye West
5/5
Thank you Kanye, very cool!
Kanye's best album, it's all downhill from here - musically and mentally! Before the man lost his mind and developed a god complex.
Bangers like "Jesus Walks", skits that don't completely ruin the momentum of the entire album, some of the best beats ever.. yeah I think it's pretty good.
The Isley Brothers
4/5
I'm usually too dead inside for these funky, fresh albums, but this actually got me grooving. The guitar work is fucking incredible. Like Hendrix or Gilmour levels of incredible. Some songs are kind of repetitive, but "That Lady" and "Summer Breeze" are certified giga-bangers.
Shame because I was looking forward to making a 6/10 joke (haha get it? 3+3 is 6. That is literally the funniest thing anybody has ever come up with), but it's more like an 8/10.. so a very strong 4/5 on this scale I guess.
Incubus
3/5
Reminds me of early YouTube tutorials where some kid would write in the Windows XP notepad on how to get infinite gold in Runescape or something, while blasting a song like this in the background.
I have to admit that I thought the more popular songs from this album were sort of unbearable. "Drive" especially. What an insanely boring tune - already seemed overplayed and I've never heard it before in my entire life. The more obscure songs with less Spotify streams were my jam though - "When It Comes" and "Battlestar Scralatchtica" especially.
Peter Tosh
2/5
Dude. Weed.
Music that makes you forget you're currently listening to music.
Belle & Sebastian
3/5
Feels a bit like The Kinks if they were a 90s band.
I can only enjoy this type of music for like 20 minutes before it turns into background noise. The songs I heard while my attention was max were pretty good - nothing groundbreaking, but I enjoyed it. Strong 3/5, might have to come back to this one once I'm in a mood more adjacent with this album.
4/5
The Kinks were on fire in the late 60s, god damn. An album criticizing Britain from the most British band to ever exist? That's my kink.
Almost like a really really early "Let England Shake" by PJ Harvey (also really good and also on this list, by the way).
Best songs: "Australia", "Shangri-La", "Victoria".
Bonnie Raitt
2/5
This is a fake album. I refuse to believe this existed yesterday. The project known as "1001 Albums Generator" is a rogue AI that has altered the fabric of existence to add this album into our timeline. There is nobody by the name of "Bonnie Raitt", it's the Berenstoin Bears and Mandela is actually still alive.
Two out of five. "Love Letter" was cool.
The Damned
2/5
Could this be classified as.. "Prog-Punk"? That technically makes no sense on paper, but then you listen to songs like "Plan 9 Channel 7" and "Smash It Up" which have a pretty distinct Pink Floyd inspired sound (they also had Nick Mason produce one of their albums). It works well in those two songs, but the rest is just a glob of very weird, yet extremely forgettable punk that doesn't know what it wants to do with itself.
Okay so that's my opinion on the album, let's talk about what the hell that guy on the right is wearing.
Stevie Wonder
5/5
I almost convinced myself this isn't a 5/5 because it's too long but nah, fuck that. This is 104 minutes of straight up good vibes. That might be an intimidating length, but once you get into the zone, it'll be the shortest 104 minutes of your life.
Stevie's the man.
The B-52's
4/5
Great music for a montage of me hiding from a team of detectives with a dollar sign-marked burlap sack on my back.
I love stupid goblin music and this album doesn't even slightly try to hide that it's stupid goblin music. Very strong 4/5! Please put this back on Spotify so I can add "Rock Lobster" to my shower playlist and feel like the baddest motherfucker around.
Aphex Twin
1/5
I am aware that this is insanely influential and a sacred cow among music nerds, but today it just sounds like somebody messing around with FL Studio presets.
Ambient music is really hit or miss for me. I can't tell you with I loved Jean-Michel Jarre's "Oxygéne" and why this album completely flew over my head.
Best part was when he used the goofy ass Looney Tunes "BOING!" sound effect in "Green Calx".
Fleetwood Mac
1/5
Stevie Nicks is cool as hell, but even the few songs where she sings can't save this album from being a boring slog. It's honestly kind of impressive how many songs on this thing are completely forgettable and uninteresting, and that's a huge issue when it's 20 songs (74 minutes) long.
If you told me this was a collection of Fleetwood Mac demos I would believe you because some of the songs here are about as interesting as a house brick.
The Doors
3/5
It's pretty good, but I've always been more of a "Strange Days" kind of guy. I like when they go more psychedelic, like "Waiting For The Sun". The bluesier songs were sort of generic (still enjoyable though).
The Band
2/5
Wow this is bland. Must have used up all their creativity on the band name.
Fun Lovin' Criminals
3/5
More white boys rapping about being gangsta or whatever. It's pretty fun, honestly but kind of a strange addition, considering the fact that the Wikipedia article for this is shorter than the article for the Uzbek village of Qirqqiz (population: 1,200). However, I should probably not be one to speak on Wikipedia article lengths, as my article is 0 words long because they keep unfairly deleting it. Apparently being the owner of the biggest PEZ dispenser collection is "not something of encyclopedic value". Fuck you, Jimmy Wales.
I award this album a 3/5, one point for each "Breaking Bad extra"-looking guy in the album art.
Sly & The Family Stone
2/5
Background music. Couldn't get into it - probably something to listen to again when I'm in a funkier mood.
Also, I hate talking about "production and mixing" because it makes me look like this emoji -> 🤓, but the production on the Spotify version is kind of outdated I think - a remaster would be nice!
Adele
4/5
So many big hits on one album. "Rolling In The Deep", "Someone Like You", "Set Fire To The Rain", "Rumour Has It", "Turning Tables"..
This is popular music that is popular for good reasons. Adele's voice is really one of a kind.
Wish she chose a different Cure song to cover though. Can you imagine a random "The Hanging Garden" cover in the middle of this album? Comedy gold.
Buck Owens
3/5
Before listening: Man could inhale a car with that schnoz.
After listening: Man could inhale a car with that schnoz and also this album is pretty good.
Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers
2/5
'Murican rock. This has some Springsteen vibes and I'm not a Springsteen fan in the slightest. Mostly really uninteresting. There was one part where I thought it kind of sounded like CAN, but I'm pretty sure that was a hallucination. I am the first person in the history of mankind to compare Tom Petty to the German experimental rock band CAN.
He kind of looks like my middle school math teacher on the album cover. A female math teacher, I might add.
Butthole Surfers
3/5
An absolutely batshit insane experience. Reminded me a bit of "The Pod" by Ween (Turns out this is actually one of Deaner's favorite bands, so that makes sense!).
Noise rock has always been a fascinating genre to me, in a "should I seek medical attention for enjoying this?" kind of way. So yeah, pretty good. Strong 3/5.
Iron Maiden
3/5
It was alright. I'm only slightly familiar with Iron Maiden, so I always thought they were a bit heavier.
The album cover is hilarious though. It was probably cool in the 80s, but now I look at it and I think that the creature is something that would chase Shaggy and Scooby only to slip on a banana peel and fall into a fridge, comically turning into a big ice cube, just in time for Velma to identify the rambunctious rascal as Jeff Jungly, the lovable goof that the gang met outside the haunted hotel, posing as a donut-loving security guard. Fred takes out a large hair dryer and melts the ice around the evil scoundrel's face, as Jeff Jungly utters his famous line: "And I would have gotten away with it too, if it weren't for you meddling kids!" The episode ends with Scooby's iconic "rehehehe" laugh.
So in summary, this album is a 3/5.
Elvis Presley
2/5
Ignoring the huge influence this had on music and culture in general, this is not really that enjoyable today. It's from the 50s so of course it hasn't aged the best. I don't want to give it any pity points for being super old or something - just completely going off my enjoyment, it's a 2/5. Some songs were fine. "Tutti Frutti" was probably my favorite if I had to pick one.
Al Green
2/5
I'm sorry, but nah. This album activates my fight-or-flight response.
Cream
4/5
Disraeli rocks. Some of the best 60s psychedelic rock I've heard so far and that's a big compliment because Jesus Christ, there's a lot of that on this list. "Sunshine Of Your Love" is an undisputed classic, same with "Strange Brew". The second half is a bit weaker and "Mother's Lament" is completely pointless, but still a very solid record over all.
Obligatory "Fuck Eric Clapton" though.
Daft Punk
4/5
As it turns out, this is great music to listen to while playing Risk of Rain 2.
Those French robots sure know how to make some catchy beats! They also sure know how to make the worst song ever created ("Rock'n Roll")! I say that with love, because the three duds on this album (that song, "Teachers" and "Oh Yeah") are so bad that they're funny as fuck, and I enjoy that.
"Da Funk" is super funky, "Around The World" is my sleep paralysis demon and "Burnin'" was playing while I won the aforementioned game of Risk of Rain 2, and I couldn't have done it without that.
(Insert a whole paragraph of "Around the World" here)
T. Rex
2/5
I had no idea this album was so soft. Almost.. too soft. Meh. Enjoyed "The Slider" more.
Brian Eno
3/5
This felt like listening to a playlist on shuffle. A nice mix of some of the best and some of the worst songs ever created.
Eno's music always gives me vibes like I should be listening to it in one of those sensory deprivation tanks to get the full experience, because I kind of have trouble focusing on the more ambient tracks.
Bob Dylan
3/5
I appreciate the fact that the harmonica isn't on EVERY song, Bob you fucking crusty-lipped dickhead.
This is a hard album to rate, because I have to take many factors into consideration, both good and bad. The singing, the lyrics, the rusty ass harmonica, the headache I had once the album ended (something about causation and correlation, no clue) and also Bob's magnificent hair.
I usually really don't like folk rock, but songs like "Visions of Johanna", "Stuck Inside Of Mobile" and "Just Like A Woman" tickle me fancy. On the other hand, there's also shit like "Pledging My Time", which is the world's first noise rock song. Imitating the sound of the white bellbird usually does not make for good music, Robert.
System Of A Down
5/5
I refuse to elaborate.
Television
2/5
I wish more songs on this album sounded like that final song - something like gothic Talking Heads. The rest of the album is very generic punky new wave. Not bad, but there's so many better albums in that genre.
Neil Young
2/5
I keep forgetting Neil Young is a real guy. He's the most forgettable "big artist" I can think of. This music just isn't my cup of tea. A mix of folk, blues and country - three genres I don't particularly care for.
The title track was pretty good though.
Also notice how he looks like a lion monster on the album cover. Look at the area under his nose and above his mouth. There is no way this guy is human. Once you see it, you can't unsee it.
Buddy Holly & The Crickets
4/5
"Ooo wee ooo I look just like Rivers Cuomo. In 2020, a virus known as COVID-19 will cause a global pandemic" - Buddy Holly, 1957
How did he know? Who took a bite out of the second guy's haircut? So many questions! The music is good though. I've been really harsh on these 50s albums - this is probably my favorite one so far. "Oh Boy!" is a classic.
Run-D.M.C.
3/5
A cool part of hip hop history, but saying that this hasn't aged the best is an understatement. The beats don't really hold up and some of the songs go on for way too long ("Wake Up" is the biggest offender, god damn that one got very annoying very fast). It's still pretty fun though. Just two guys being dudes.
Baaba Maal
2/5
This was extremely cool for about 10 minutes, then it started getting kind of old, then I looked and saw I was still in the middle of the second song with about an hour and 2 minutes left to go.
Around the fourth song, everything started turning into a blur of African singing and drumming with nothing that could keep my ADHD-ridden brain focused.. and there were still about 50 minutes of music left. The whole stretch from "Salminam" to "Kettodee" is blank in my brain. It does pick itself back up after that though - "Ko Wone Mayo" was probably my favorite song on the album.
I respect the fuck out of this album though, despite everything I said. This deserves to be on a list like this way more than "Robert Dimery threw a dart into a pile of britpop albums he found in a dumpster behind his local music store, so let's add the one it landed on into the book"
Steely Dan
4/5
The production on this is actual black magic. This sounds like it came out yesterday.
At first I thought this was pretty standard and inoffensive music, but after listening to it again.. yeah, it's really good. The vocals, drumming, saxophone and everything work so well together.
Also this is easily in the Top 5 best album covers. No question.
Beatles
5/5
"Drive My Car", "Norwegian Wood", "Michelle", "In My Life"? Come on. This is on par with Revolver and Sgt Pepper and I will not be taking questions.
Rango "Sir Richard Starkley MBE" Starr yet again proves to be the best and most talented Beatle with some amazing cowbell playing on "In My Life". Peace and love, peace and love. I'm warning you with peace and love! 😎✌️🌟❤️🎶🎶🍒🥦👍🌈☮️
Thelonious Monk
1/5
Y'all would give an album of somebody throwing pianos down stairs for an hour a global rating of 3.3 if it was released in the 50s and had some dapper looking gentlemen on the cover. And yet "Germ Free Adolescents" sits at a 2.97 global rating. We truly live in a society.
Actually, I like Trout Mask Replica so I can't complain too much. Enjoy whatever. It's a free country. 1/5 from me.
Miles Davis
1/5
Committing arson would have been a better way to spend my time than making myself listen to this garbage for 2 hours.
Nirvana
4/5
It sure is Nirvana. I think Nevermind is more consistent, since there are a few meh tracks on this album (most notably "Tourette's") while the worst Nevermind song is probably still in the Top 30 best grunge songs of all time.
Strooong 4/5.
Steely Dan
4/5
Makes me feel middle-aged, but in a cool way. I think I like this slightly more than Aja, but still prefer Pretzel Logic although I gotta say that "Do It Again" might be the best Steely Dan song I've heard so far.
Album cover is a big "graphic design is my passion" moment.
Frank Ocean
3/5
I like the overall vibe of this. It really sounds like orange music. Like music you would listen to while sipping on a Fanta in a pure orange room.
It's a bit too long and bloated though. Songs like "Pyramids" are awesome, but there's also a lot of fairly boring, long songs that overstay their welcome.
Nina Simone
3/5
One of the best vocal performances of all time, just wish there were more big hits like "Four Women" and "Lilac Wine" because the slower songs weren't really my jam. Strong 3/5.
Morrissey
2/5
In this album, Morrissey asks the brave question "What if the Smiths were boring?" Nice one Steven, you fucking dickhead.
The singles are genuinely good ("Everyday is Like Sunday" and "Suedehead") but this is, without a doubt, not an essential album. Just listen to the Smiths - all four albums are miles better than this.
9 hours later update: The Queen is dead, holy shit. On the day I get a Morrissey album. This is your fault, 1001 Albums Generator.
Count Basie & His Orchestra
4/5
Oh, I love Cuphead. Good day for a swell battle!
Turns out that the only time I can enjoy jazz is if I can imagine a rubber hose animation dancing to it.
Wow, okay. I actually really liked this. Made me feel many things: Like I'm in a Tom and Jerry chase sequence, a cooking montage and a video game boss fight at the same time.
Justice
5/5
Music that could kill a Victorian era child.
Ute Lemper
2/5
What the hell is this, man. Just listen to Nico's "Desertshore" if you want sorta-gothic avantgarde German music. How did the guy making this list even dig something like this up?
It kind of has a weird charm I guess. Songs like "The Case Continues" and "Split" were sort of nice, but the longer it went on, the more I was filled with an unbridled rage, and that final 10 minute long track felt like a time warlock's curse.
I'm not saying I hated this, I'm just never going to think about this album's existence ever again.
Little Richard
2/5
I have officially ran out of things to say about 50s albums and I won't pretend to enjoy this in an attempt to appear more cultured or something. It's just kind of boring, right?
1/5
Well that was painful. I thought this was unlistenably dull and boring. For a 28 minute album, it sure felt like being trapped in a time vortex for 60 years. Hopefully there's not too many country albums left on this list. Does anybody outside 'Murica even enjoy this genre?
John Martyn
3/5
I didn't hate it and it maybe even kind of won me over by the end, but this is another one of those "random albums to add onto the list because we ran out of ideas". Inoffensive, pretty good even, but not an essential listen.
The album cover is really cool though. Made me think this was going to be artsier.
Tim Buckley
5/5
Thank you Tim Buckley. When I think "folk", this is exactly what I think of. Guy's like a little bard with an oversized hat that follows our chivalrous knight into the dragon's den. You can call it kitschy, I call it fuckin' art.
"Pleasant Street" blew my socks off. His vocal range is insane and his songs give various buffs to his party members.
Screw it, 5/5. Any album that thaws my black emotionless heart deserves such a rating.
5/5
I've always thought this album was just kind of good but nothing special, but then I had a big Bowie binge back in May where I listened to most of his discography and I left with a newfound respect for the man that I previously never had. Yeah, it's a classic and I'm a fool for not realizing it sooner!
"Five Years", "Moonage Daydream", "Starman", "Ziggy Stardust", "Rock 'n' Roll Suicide" - the Bowster was on fire. I apologize for calling him the Bowster, alas my backspace key is broken.
I also want to lay down some facts. This is a concept album about a singer who becomes famous and overdoses on his own ego. On the cover, we see Bowie standing under a sign that says "K. West". The first track on this album is called "Five Years". You want to know what happened 5 years, almost to the day, after this album was released? Kanye West was born. I rest my case, your honor.
2/5
Who put all this yeehaw into my punk rock. Get that shit out and put more soul into those vocals. I've heard gospel with more edge than this.
Common
3/5
I really liked the first half of this album. It's super catchy and funky. Sadly, yet again, this is way too long. I don't know what's with rappers and their need to make albums that are 70+ minutes long. It loses focus near the halfway point and the last few songs are just kind of forgettable.
3/5. Cut out some songs and it's a 5/5.
The Rolling Stones
3/5
Makes me feel like that guy with balls in his mouth on the cover.
Why are these British gentlemen singing about Virginias, owning slaves, doing the yeehaws and putting lipstick on the pig. I don't know what that last one means, I just searched "stupid American slang".
Rufus Wainwright
4/5
Slaps, not gonna lie. I really liked all the variety on this, even if some songs (like that first one) fell kind of flat.
Thank you, gay Thom Yorke.
The The
2/5
Second album from this band. I liked "Infected" way more. It was catchier and less "every 80s trope put together". Still pretty cool, but I don't see myself returning to it in the near future.
XTC
4/5
Ethereal. Makes me feel like I'm floating on clouds, maaaaaan. "Dear God" is one of the best songs of all time. So good in fact, that it has a two paragraph long "Controversy" section on Wikipedia - that's how you know a song is bangin'.
Radiohead
4/5
Basically a collection of B sides, but a collection of B sides from one of the best albums of all time so you can't be too flabbergasted by its inclusion on the list, I guess.
Not my favorite Radiohead album, but songs like "Pyramid Song" and "Knives Out" are among the band's best. Then you have the song "Pulk/Pull Revolving Doors" though, which could very well be the worst song ever created in the history of mankind.
Four outta five.
Elis Regina
2/5
People who say that Portuguese sounds Slavic were right. I'm Slavic myself, and this felt like listening to a bizarro version of my language.
It was cool at first, but I was so fucking done with it by the fifth song and then it just kept going and going. I assume that understanding the lyrics would make this better, but then again, I barely pay attention to lyrics anyways.
The Who
3/5
How many live albums are on this list? The songs are good, but what's the point of listening to music in worse audio quality with people yelling in between songs?
I was content with the 40 minute version of the album. If that one 240 minute long version was the official one, I think I would have shot myself - no one man should have all that Who.
Parliament
2/5
Too funky. I can't take this much funk at this hour of the lord. Listening to funk while you have a cold is just rubbing it in. Sorry man, I can't funk, I'm dyin' over here. Maybe next time.
Jah Wobble's Invaders Of The Heart
3/5
Oh wow, world music.. I wonder what country this is from... oh, England. I wonder if the singer has some African roots, maybe Jamaican? Latin American?... oh, no he doesn't. As white as clapping when an airplane lands. Mate was with the Sex Pistols, even. Ever heard of Vantablack? Well this dude, Jah Wobble, appears to be the complete opposite of it.
Of course, I am merely joking, jesting, pulling your leg even. The music is good. I like the variety - every song sounded wildly different. There's funkier songs, then there's stuff that sounds like post-punk. Solid strong 3/5.
The Clash
4/5
It's a classic. Great album, one of the very few double albums that manage to be entertaining all the way through. I'm not the biggest fan of the reggae-ska-whatever songs, like "Jimmy Jazz" and "Wrong 'Em Boyo", but then you have songs like "London Calling" and "Train in Vain" which are some of the best and most influential songs in punk history.
Essential listen, not exactly a 5/5, but really damn close.
Cocteau Twins
5/5
My kind of music! I'm an absolute slut for both shoegaze/dream pop and goth. Love the ethereal vibes, angelic voice and nonsensical lyrics (or is it Scottish?). I have no idea why I never bothered to check out Cocteau Twins before.
Incredible. People who don't like this are weak. Sorry, I don't make the rules.
Bruce Springsteen
2/5
Gonna be honest, this album made me feel absolutely nothing. I have no connection to Bruce Springsteen. He's a completely unknown figure in my part of the world and prior to this, the only music of his I've heard was his "Nebraska" album, courtesy of this generator (and I hated that one, by the way. One of my 1/5s).
Cornershop
2/5
I heard the word cock in one of the songs and that snapped me awake in the middle of this strange-ass snoozefest that was probably procedurally generated by an AI.
So damn weird. It's like seven different albums mashed into eachother.
Peter Gabriel
4/5
I like Peter Gabriel. He's such a little musical gremlin making music for small toadstool-dwelling gnomes. I'm basically saying that if Papa Smurf was real, he would listen to Peter Gabriel.
Cool mix of pop and prog rock. I'm a fan. Going to blow smoke rings from my comically oversized pipe now.
The Notorious B.I.G.
3/5
It's cool but I really didn't need to hear Biggie getting his dick sucked. Fellatio doesn't make for the best musical experience in my honest opinion - it's kind of droopy, drizzly, maybe a tinge yoinky, too sploinky and icky, truly hacky, smacky, very acky, creepy and kooky, mysterious and spooky and all together ooky.
Oh yeah the music. It's pretty good. Not my favorite rap album or anything, but Biggie is an undeniable legend in the genre. Strong three out of five.
The Sugarcubes
3/5
I have mixed thoughts on Björk (Vespertine is great though). This album was kind of all over the place - good songs, forgettable songs, goofy songs.. for something that only lasts 30 minutes, that's pretty impressive.
Deee-Lite
1/5
Struggling to come up with a less essential album than this. Imagine being 95 years old and listening to this on your death bed. I'm pretty sure you would melt like the guy from Raiders of the Lost Ark.
4/5
British They Might Be Giants for people who somehow have even less sex. Yeah, I like it. The ranking still stands:
Suede > Blur > Pulp > Oasis
Tom Waits
3/5
Music from the fucking upside down dimension or something. Tom Waits is a scary individual, wouldn't want to meet him in a dark alley.
There's a lot of good songs in here - "Clap Hands" is great because it sounds like Breaking Bad music. "Downtown Train" is like Bob Dylan if he was good.
Nevertheless, I found myself exhausted by the end. While not a particularly long album, it's 19 songs long (a lot of songs - more than 6 songs, for example) and a big chunk of it didn't stick in my brain at all. I'll probably return to this.. needs about two or three more listens, but a strong 3/5 for now.
Fishbone
3/5
I really wasn't expecting to hear funky ska from that album cover.
I don't know if this really works as an album, but it's a cool-enough collection of tunes ranging from the aforementioned ska and funk to glam metal and punk. Maybe just focus on one thing though, boys. Take some adderall.
ABBA
4/5
It's ABBA, I don't need to write four paragraphs about ABBA because people are born into this world with the innate knowledge of this band and the lyrics of at least 3 of their songs.
Huge hits ("Dancing Queen" and "Money Money Money" of course), the less known songs are good as well, even listened to the two bonus tracks ("Fernando" is another classic, "Happy Hawaii" is fine I guess).
Gotta be a 4/5, and not just because my own mother and girl friend would kill me for giving this anything lower, but also because it's really damn good music.
Fourth paragraph.
The White Stripes
2/5
That sure was White Blood Cells by The White Stripes. I'll just stick to "Seven Nation Army", thanks.
Van Halen
2/5
Literally 1984. Hair metal is just Gen X's version of nu metal - cool at the time, mostly completely embarrassing today, some people still swear it aged well.
Van Halen, Bon Jovi, Mötley Crüe, Def Leppard, KISS.. who the hell cares dude. Eddie was an insanely talented guitarist though, can't deny that. Should have played better songs, sorry.
Korn
2/5
A true endurance run that has aged like milk. What the hell is "All in the Family"? A contestant for the title of the worst song ever made, I guess. Fred Durst is like King Midas, except instead of turning shit to gold, he turns gold to shit. Not to imply this album would be gold without Durst.
Two out of five because there are still some undeniably good songs here - "Freak on a Leash" especially.
My favorite part was when they used the goofy-ass Final Fantasy IX Black Mage Village "hoo" MIDI instrument in the song "Children of the Korn".
Green Day
4/5
Great fun. This album sounds exactly like how it felt to be an angsty teenager in the 90s. "Basket Case" and "Welcome to Paradise" are bangers, of course.
Elbow
3/5
For a band that apparently makes indie rock, this feels like the most calculated, by-the-books art rock album you could make. It's like they went on Youtube and watched a 30 minute tutorial on "How to make an art rock album (not clickbait)". It's all very safe and I didn't hear any new, cool ideas that would warrant putting this on the list.
I really liked "One Day Like This", even despite them unironically using the phrase "Holy cow" in an otherwise emotional song. Imagine that your lover makes a song about you and includes the lyric "Gadzooks! I am enchanted by your looks!"
Goldfrapp
4/5
Reminds me of Cocteau Twins and I'm a big fan of this genre in general. Dreamy, chill.. a great album to listen to on a cold and rainy Saturday morning.
"Happiness" was beautiful. One of the best new songs I've found through this so far (300 albums in, time flies dude!)
Jimi Hendrix
3/5
'SCUSE ME WHILE I KISS THIS GUY! WOOOO
Oh and there's 10 more songs on this album that I have almost no recollection of. "Third Stone From The Sun" had a kick-ass instrumental, I'll give it that. I like Jimi Hendrix when we fully embraces that he's the best guitar player in history and goes full ham (so the entirety of Electric Ladyland). This album mostly seemed kind of empty. Probably just me.
Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young
4/5
Wait, this is actually really good. I wasn't expecting that because I've listened to about 4 Neil Young-related albums so far and disliked all of them.
But nah, this album is a load of fun with some big and catchy hits. A cool surprise.
Happy Mondays
2/5
The musical equivalent of licking doorknobs.
Sonic Youth
4/5
The more I listen to Sonic Youth, the more I don't understand what Sonic Youth is. Are they a band? Is this all just a figment of my imagination? Did the Moon landing happen or was it all just gremlinoid CGI?
Some songs on this album sound like Slowdive's Souvlaki, some remind me of crazy-ass post rock like GY!BE or Swans (Sidenote, I'm not a big fan of post-rock, but there's a serious lack of it on this list in general.. like, not even "Soundtracks for the Blind", really?) and then there's some random pop punk songs thrown in for good measure.
It's crazy, it's kooky, dare I say it, it even may be a little bit bonkers. Four stars out of five. One star for each gremlin.
Prefab Sprout
4/5
This is ADVANCED elevator music. This is elevator music for that elevator that takes you to the elevator dimension, where people speak in riddles and the sky is green and it rains sideways. Just to be clear, those are words of praise.
The Verve
2/5
You can't open an album with your biggest hit straight out the gate because then it's just all downhill from there. And this is one big-ass hill. 76 minutes of the most boring, radio-friendly pop imaginable.
Uh.. they're better than Oasis at least. Man's got big boots. Look at those boots.
Funkadelic
3/5
Funkadelic is Pink Floyd for people who are really tired of the fact that Pink Floyd has only like two songs you can actually dance to.
I know it's the most divisive track on the album, but I absolutely love "Wars of Armageddon". It's such an absolute trainwreck of a song, that only a genius could have pulled it off. Singing "Power of the pussy" followed by a solid minute of fart sound effects? Genius. Without a single shred of irony.
The title track "Maggot Brain" is crazy as well. That guitar solo could bring a skeleton back to life. That being said, I'm not the biggest fan of songs 2 through 6, they're clearly very well made but just not for me. Lacking in the fart sound effect department.
Britney Spears
1/5
If someone came to my room while I was listening to this album, I'd just switch to porn because that would be easier to explain.
Bad music! The Goblin King awakens from his slumber!
The Chemical Brothers
4/5
I prefer The Prodigy, but this still bangs though.
Some big beats, some chill beats, some nasty evil beats. One beat, two beat, red beat, blue beat. I'm drunk again, dude. I don't know what I'm saying. It's a good album and let's leave it at that.
Roxy Music
3/5
I like it, but it's nothing groundbreaking or anything. Just some cool glam-ish rock that sort of sounds like Talking Heads but with a slightly less annoying vocalist (sorry David Byrne).
OutKast
2/5
Wow, two albums for the price of one. What a steal.
I envy people who can somehow focus on a 2+ hour long album without having it turn into a mush of background noise. André 3000's "The Love Below" was generally more of my cup of tea, but even then.. the final 6 tracks or so were just an endurance test. Remember in school when we would all think "Ah, 30 more minutes of class left.. just gotta get through 10 minutes three times. I can do that" This album is the musical form of that.
Speakerboxxx: 2/5
The Love Below: 3/5
Together as a front-to-back album experience, I'll stick with a 2/5.
I'm 311 albums in at this point and this has to be the blandest thing I've ever heard. I have absolutely nothing to say about it. I don't even know if this is a real album or just a figment of my imagination.
N.W.A.
4/5
Too long, dated lyrics, but still a load of fun. Put me in such a good mood in the morning, honestly. The first few tracks are unmatched with my favorite song being FUCK THA POLICE STRAIGHT FROM THE UNDERGROUND - man these young gentlemen sure have a way with words.
Gang Of Four
4/5
Classic. One of post-punk's greats. Like Wire but catchier and funkier.
Also, I've never heard anyone pronounce migraine as "mee-grain". Might have to give this a 1/5 because of that. Smh
Electric Light Orchestra
4/5
This is an album that can put even the most heartless scumbag (me) in a good mood. It's magic. It's what Queen tried so hard to be.
Wish it was less bloated though. The first half is much better than the second one (excluding "Mr Blue Sky" of course) with its crazy over-the-top theatrics and mixing of various genres. It truly sounds like something they would play in a space orchestra.
Harry Nilsson
2/5
(Happy Halloween)
You put da lime in da coconut. Don't care. It's boring and I didn't win the Binding of Isaac run I was doing while this was playing in the background. More like Nilsson Smellshit. Ha. Great album commentary as usual.
On a more serious note: I don't know about this one. Nothing caught my attention here except for the "Coconut" song, which is a delightful level of stupid that I'm a sucker for. I don't even get the Beatles comparisons.. just because it's pop from the late 60s - early 70s doesn't immediately make this guy the "American Beatles".
Also as a sidenote: I wish I got something spookier for Halloween. Y'know? Give me "Tinderbox" by Siouxsie & The Banshees, any Joy Division album.. Or Crazy Frog's 2009 cult-classic "Everybody Dance Now". Now that's a terrifying one.
Curtis Mayfield
2/5
Boring, sorry.
This genre is the epitome of background music for me. I couldn't focus on it even if you locked me in one of those sensory deprivation tanks.
Aretha Franklin
2/5
It insists upon itself.
Grandmaster Flash & The Furious Five
4/5
A Hip Hop album that's under an hour long?! I am immediately erect.
Cheesy, but a good kind of cheese. The fun and funky fresh kind. I enjoyed most of the tracks here, especially the title track. I also liked the complete curveball that "Scorpio" was.
Derek & The Dominos
3/5
This is not just dad rock. This is advanced dad rock. This is father stone.
It's not bad or anything, but I can feel my beer belly growing as I slowly morph into a British guy called Barry (age 63) while listening to this.
"Layla" and "Bell Bottom Blues" are the clear winners here. A lot of this album is dedicated to Eric Clapton jerking himself off with a guitar, and while that can sound fantastic in short bursts, it kind of gets old after a while.
And let's not even mention the backstory of this one. Imagine your best friend makes an hour long album about how much he wants to fuck your wife. Clapton's kind of a dickhead, isn't he?
Beatles
3/5
A completely generic pop album, but with brand recognition. It's good music, but nobody would care about it if it was released by "The Pimples" or something.
Do not visit Ringo Starr's Twitter page! The man keeps posting his 80-year old feet!
Stevie Wonder
3/5
I agree with the top review. Stevie Wonder's real name truly is Stevland Morris.
James Taylor
3/5
Man's got some tunes in him. This is not my kind of genre or anything, but I found it to be pretty chill background music to study to. Nothing to complain about, but nothing to write home about either. The perfect 3/5 in my book.
Metallica
4/5
It's no "Ride The Lightning" or "Master Of Puppets", but it's still in the better half of Metallica albums. Sad that's it only downhill from here.
"Enter Sandman", "Sad But True", "The Unforgiven" and "Nothing Else Matters" though? Can't go wrong with that. Big hits. Large hits, even.
Overrated yet overhated at the same time. Four outta five.
Elvis Presley
1/5
Elvis? More like Pelvis, because this album is ass. Sorry bozo, don't like the music plus banana sandwiches aren't even that good.
Sparks
3/5
Thought the singer was a Japanese woman, but it's just some guy California! Fooled me, the dude has a very unique voice and he uses it well.
I remember liking the first two and last two tracks a lot, but the middle is kind of muddy. I'll probably listen to this again when I'm in the correct mood. Strong 3 out of five.
Grizzly Bear
2/5
Here's my extended thoughts on this album. Can't fit them all into text, might crash the site: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XKuhv9OKN4I
The Rolling Stones
3/5
Opens with "Gimme Shelter", so immediately we have a case of blowing your load way too soon, as no song could ever hold a candle to that one. Easily the best song on the album and probably the entire Stones discography.
The Stones then decide that making weird faux-country bullshit would be more commercially successful in the US, so their manager got Mick Jagger, well known for never stepping foot in a 30 meter radius of a cow, to put on a cowboy hat and pretends he's a yeehaw gunslinger rootin-tootin' American or something.
My source for the previous paragraph is that I made everything up. I don't know jack shit about this band. I didn't even know Jagger was the vocalist until today. Thought he played bass. Three out of five.
Johnny Cash
5/5
Love this guy so much. Talented, charismatic, genuine and incredibly funny. I don't like country at all, but I could listen to Johnny Cash singing and asking for water for an entire day without it getting stale.
Let the man say "son of a bitch" though! No need for those ear-piercing bleeps.
One of the best live albums of all time. Only slightly below "At Folsom Prison" for me. Gotta be a 5/5.
The War On Drugs
3/5
It's like if you put Bob Dylan in a blender. I don't like Bob Dylan, but Dob Bylan right here has some nice production (and no harmonica) at least. First three songs were lovely, then it all got kind of samey and went on for far too long.
I also really like the album cover. Gives me Dog Man Star vibes. I wish the music gave me those vibes as well, because you can never go wrong with some Dog Man Star vibes.
Cypress Hill
3/5
Sure, why not. It's pretty fun. I don't have anything to say about this one.
The Auteurs
2/5
This sounds nothing like Suede or Richey era Manic Street Preachers. The other reviews and Spotify description got me excited for nothing. It's just some completely unremarkable and boring britpop record with the most unenthusiastic singer I've ever heard. Doesn't hold a candle to Brett Anderson's vocals.
Wilco
1/5
These guys have to learn that singing about greedy goblins stealing your gold stash is way more interesting than whining about leaving your girlfriend back in Tennessee or some shit.
What I'm trying to say is, that this is boring and goes on for an insanely long time. Almost 80 minutes with next to no diversity. Pain.
The Smashing Pumpkins
3/5
Unpopular opinion, but I always thought that Billy Corgan's kind of a horrible lead singer. He's got that "yelling, but also trying to not wake your mom up" voice going on. Also he's an asshole but that's neither here nor there.
The big songs like "Cherub Rock" and "Disarm" are great, but there's also a lot of bloat (but I guess that's part of the Pumpkins brand, ain't that right Mellon Collie). I like how shoegazey the production is. Works very well with the fact that Corgan should have his microphone taken away from him.
Queen
3/5
Queen is the kind of band you put on while eating grilled cheese.
Ryan Adams
1/5
Trash music, trash person.
You can't end a song with a fade out harmonica and then immediately open the next song with a fade in harmonica. That's like album sequencing 101, bozo.
This is the third faux-Bob Dylan album I've had this week and I don't know how many I have left in me, especially since all of them were at least 50 minutes long.
Best song was the argument concerning Morrissey. One outta five = get outta here.
Lauryn Hill
4/5
Classic. Very enjoyable, maybe a bit too long. Sorry I am currently running away from a bear and can't elaborate.
Sebadoh
4/5
That was awesome. It's noisy, sludgy, gloopy and yucky. It's like somebody took a regular grunge band, trapped them in a steel shack in the middle of the desert and recorded them through a Speak&Spell toy.
The musical equivalent of CCTV footage.
Wild Beasts
4/5
My cerebral cortex has been properly tickled. A very nice listening experience.
Just when I've been getting kind of tired of falling asleep to either "Souvlaki" or "Heaven or Las Vegas" every night! A fine addition to my Sleepyhead playlist.
The Temptations
3/5
"Papa Was A Rollin' Stone" is so good that I can almost forgive the other songs for being so forgettable.
Neil Young & Crazy Horse
2/5
Daily Neil Young Fun Fact #837: While the "Neil" part of his name might be true, he's actually quite old (not visible on the cover)
Daily Crazy Horse Fun Fact #489: While the "Crazy" part of his name might be true, he's actually a dog (blatantly visible on the cover)
Daily Everybody Knows This Is Nowhere #035: Contrary to the title of the album, it was actually recorded "somewhere", as recording an album "nowhere" proved to be too difficult, especially after Neil Young's guitar pick got stolen by the Interdimensional Terror Lord X'nthp'thurgh.
Also the music sucks. Put it back on Spotify, Neil. The jig is up. 2/5
The Kinks
4/5
The Kinks don't miss.
Franz Ferdinand
4/5
Now this is a blast from the past. This was one of the first albums I ever listened to and I'm happy to report that it stills rocks. I've heard these songs more times than the amount of oppressed minorities in the Austro-Hungarian Empire. Especially the big hits like "Take Me Out", "Jacqueline", "This Fire" and "The Dark of the Matinée".
Great album to listen to on a trip to Sarajevo.
Carole King
2/5
This is boring as hell. I get why people like it, but I don't listen to this genre in general because I'm an emotionless bastard. Maybe it'll click one day.
2/5 because I like the cat on the cover.
Faust
3/5
I've heard this like 3 times now and I just think it's worse Can. The generator is just teasing me. I know Tago Mago is on the list - I haven't given a 5/5 in a long time! Give me Can so I can listen to the superior hour-long album of German people summoning demons and speaking in fart sound effects.
Germany's got some of the coolest music ever, man. When you think "American music" you think of your typical yeehaws and Alabamas. When you think "British music" you think of the Beatles. When you think "German music" you think you're going to need an exorcist. My point here is that more American bands should put dead fetuses on their album covers.
DJ Shadow
3/5
I liked when it got spooky. More of a Portishead guy myself, but this was very solid.
Is that Nardwuar on the cover?
The Cure
5/5
Musical perfection. I have no funny quip for this one, it's just genuinely one of the best albums of all time.
Pixies
3/5
Pixies don't sound the same once you learn that their lead singer is a fat balding man with the fashion sense of a guy who sells corn on the cob behind your local Tesco.
Sorry that was mean. You gotta admit that he's up there with some of the least "lead singery"-looking lead singers of all time though.
Kind of all over the place. Pixies' production never really clicked with me. It sounds like these songs were recorded inside a whale's stomach or something. It's pretty jarring. "Where Is My Mind" is a masterpiece though.
Bob Dylan
4/5
The man did it. He finally learned how to properly mix an album so your ears don't immediately explode the very second he starts blowing into a harmonica. I can finally listen to a Bob Dylan album without having to constantly fumble with the volume controls (except for the final song, god damn it Bob).
"Like A Rolling Stone" and "Ballad Of A Thin Man"? Bangers. Sorry for doubting you, Robert.
Throbbing Gristle
3/5
Throbbing Gristle is funny as hell.
Oooo look at this ART. Do you see how ARTSY we are? Let's mumble incoherent nonsense over a track of somebody having sex with a tuning fork - truly the MODERN Mona Lisa. Let's dedicate a track to a young kid speaking about god knows what for 4 minutes because that's what BEETHOVEN did.
Man, fuck these guys.
...
Strong 3/5. Has some cool ideas, I'll definitely return to this one in the future.
Frank Sinatra
2/5
I'm not a swingin' lover. I'm an underachieving college student.
The La's
2/5
This is absolutely an album that exists. They sure played their instruments. There were lyrics as well I think. Can't remember, but I'm sure they were about some deep stuff like how their balls hang or something.
Frankie Goes To Hollywood
2/5
Frankie should rather go to the "Learn When To End An Album Academy", because this shit refuses to wrap up. You could cut out 90% of this album and it would improve as an experience. The first four or so tracks were great, then it kept going and going and I just couldn't make myself care.
The Offspring
5/5
Goes incredibly hard. The best 90s punk album - Dookie can eat a dick. Too bad it's the only good Offspring album.
I have to give this a 5/5 or else "The Skeleton" shall deem me unworthy of my skin.
LCD Soundsystem
3/5
A mixed bag. I liked the catchy beats, but I wasn't a fan of the weird wannabe David Byrne vocals.
LCD Soundsystem is such a fake band name though. If you fed every single thought of humanity into an AI and asked it to spit out a band name, that's what it would come up with and then enslave you to create weird ass Talking Heads electronic beats to fulfill its sick and twisted robot fantasies. You know how words like "Velcro" and "Band-Aid" are actually copyrighted brand names but nobody even knows the actual generic terms for these objects so we just substitute the brand names? That's what LCD Soundsystem sounds to the concept of music itself. Fake music. Who is the lead singer of LCD Soundsystem? Bet you don't know. I don't know either. Why? Because he never existed. This is all just a figment of your imagination and you, the person currently reading this review for "Sound of Silver by LCD Soundsystem", has been in a coma for the past 7 years and need to wake up.
- "Oh what are you listening to?"
- "I AM CATCHING THE SOUNDWAVES OF LCD SOUNDSYSTEM, FELLOW HUMAN"
- "God damn it, Carl"
Sorry forgot my meds. I just wrote that previous paragraph in a stream of consciousness. Not even gonna spellcheck. Call me Ulysses or whatever. So in conclusion, this is a weak 3/5.
Muddy Waters
2/5
Nope, still flaccid. Sorry Muddy Waters.
The Cure
4/5
The Cure is so good, man. This album is dark, gloomy, atmospheric, but not as "evil" as Pornography. It's like the musical equivalent of a horror film.
"The Forest" might be their best song of all time, or at the very least in the top 3.
Primal Scream
2/5
What a bunch of nothing. How can you have a 60 minute long album without a single cool or interesting idea? All the songs sound like loading screen music and, most definitely, do not include any primal screams. Seriously, this shit is softer than a baby's kneecaps.
I like the album cover though. It's such a silly little guy.
Björk
3/5
I mean, I don't ~fully~ get the hype, but it's still beautiful and magical. She put her entire Bjöobs, Bjüssy and Bjëart into these songs, so you go girl. Don't listen to the haters - keep singing about tiny mushroom elves lighting campfires inside your vagina or whatever.
Best song's either "Hidden Place" or "Pagan Poetry".
The Fall
2/5
I don't know how many random British punk albums from the late 70s - early 80s I have left in me. At least it wasn't a live album and the album cover is pretty cool.
These guys made 31 albums and 3 of them are on this list? I respect the grind. I'm sure one of them is good.
The Jam
2/5
Copy-pasting yesterday's review because it's still relevant:
I don't know how many random British punk albums from the late 70s - early 80s I have left in me.
Nothing grabbed me and I will sleep soundly at night knowing that I can't recall a single song, lyric or word spoken in The Jam's "Sound Affects".
Motörhead
3/5
Motörhead can only make one song, but it's a good song so who cares. Look at these guys, dressed as cowboy bikers (or biker cowboys), they are cooler than you and they know it.
The Smashing Pumpkins
3/5
This album is very long. The Pope is Catholic.
It's good music, but my ADHD brain absolutely refuses to pay attention to a single piece of media (music or otherwise) for 2 hours straight. You could cut this album down so much, because it's so insanely bloated that even The White Album is quaking in its boots.
The entire second disc is just the first disc again with different lyrics. Good thing the first disc is so great, otherwise this would have been completely unbearable. Quick! Name any lyric from the song "Stumbleine"! Okay what about "The Two Of Us"? ... Jokes on you, that's a Suede song and not on this album!
"Tonight, Tonight", "Bullet With Butterfly Wings", "Jellybelly" and "Zero" are the obvious highlights and they're all in the first 20 minutes. Then Billy Corgan rambles about dropping his sandwich into a sewer drain for an hour or something while doing his iconic "yelling but also trying to not wake up your parents" voice and the next big hit is "1979" and you can officially turn the album off, because no new ideas occur after that point.
Has anybody ever said that this album is really long before? I feel like an innovator here, truly full of new ideas and funny quips. My body is ready for "69 Love Songs". Lay it on me.
George Jones
1/5
Psychopath music. Ruined my day.
Yes
4/5
I still stand by the theory that Yes were just making shit up as they went along and they only made great albums through sheer cosmic luck. Kind of like somehow always picking the right answer on a test you didn't study for.
That is the only explanation as to why their output is like a random number generator of quality. They're probably the only band that has an album in their catalog for every possible score from 0/10 to 10/10.
This particular album is very green. Not their greenest though. 7/10.
Elton John
4/5
To be honest, I've always cared about Elton John's music about as much as the current economic situation of the Marshall Islands. This is a really good album though, so maybe I should look into the Marshall Islands more. As it turns out, 77% of their exports are passenger and cargo ships.
Also this is my 365th album. Thanks for a great year! This site really made each day a bit brighter and I look forward to roughly 2 more years of great (or at least interesting) music! :)
Manic Street Preachers
5/5
It's no "The Holy Bible", but then again.. nothing is. You can't really follow up the greatest album of all time. It's hard to put into words how much that album and Richey Edwards' story speak to me, so I'm not going to. Maybe once the generator spits out The Holy Bible.
God damn it, this is a pretty heavy one. You can tell the studio was haunted by the ghost of Richey Edwards. It's like the music is trying its hardest to be triumphant, but the melancholy and bittersweetness keeps seeping in. And despite that, it's not a challenging listen. You could give this to a random guy on the street and he would be like "Huh this is a pretty good britpop album".
I'm gonna give this a 5/5, but if we expanded the scale, then this is like an 8.5/10 and the Holy Bible is a 10/10.
Lucinda Williams
3/5
Pretty good, honestly. Chill morning album but not something I would ever listen to in my spare time.
The White Stripes
2/5
"If you study the picture carefully, Meg and I are elephant ears in a head-on elephant. But it's a side view of an elephant, too, with the tusks leading off either side." - Jack White
This guy was smoking some fucking insane kush, because I've been staring at the cover for the past 30 minutes and I don't see anything that even slightly resembles an elephant.
I'm not a fan of The White Stripes. Their only good song is "Seven Nation Army" and putting it as the first song of the album only meant that it was downhill all the way.
Willie Nelson
4/5
Merry Christmas! This was a surprisingly really fitting album for this day. It was a very nice, chill experience. Willie Nelson's one of the few country artists that I can listen to.
One of the best cover albums of all time - also coincidentally one of the best album covers of all time. Funny how that works out. I'm a master wordsmith.
The Police
3/5
A clusterfuck of some true bangers and the worst songs you've ever heard in your life.
Synchronicity I & II are great fun, probably the best two songs on the album. There's also "Every Breath You Take", which is also fantastic but I can't take it seriously anymore.
"Mother" definitely exists. It somehow manages to be the stupidest song on an album with a song dedicated to dinosaurs.
"Hey, mighty brontosaurus, don't you have a lesson for us?" is an actual lyric on this album that they wanted you to take seriously. Sounds like some Blue's Clues shit. Sting was 32 years old when he wrote that.
Pink Floyd
5/5
This is honestly up there with "Wish You Were Here" and "Animals" for me. I absolutely love the stupid goblin music aesthetic (you know exactly what I'm talking about) and this album gives me so much joy.
I like how the songs are blatantly and unashamedly about stupid shit. "Lucifer Sam" is about Syd's cat. People in the 60s thought it was a metaphor for cheating or something, but then Syd literally just said "No, it's about how cool my cat is".
"The Gnome" is about a gnome and how cool it is to be a gnome. "Scarecrow" is about a scarecrow and how cool it is to be a scarecrow. "Bike" is about a bike and how cool it is to ride a bike and about a mice named Gerald.
Don't look into the lyrics because every "analysis" of this album is wrong. This album is about Syd Barrett writing about things he finds cool. There's no deep message about the plights of humanity and the gnome is not a metaphor for Jesus. Just enjoy the man's lovely voice and the psychedelic effects.
Also I can't not mention "Interstellar Overdrive". What a song. Listen to it with headphones - that finale is probably how it would feel to have an eargasm if ears could have orgasms.
Roger Waters looks like a horse.
A Tribe Called Quest
3/5
Fun, but didn't really hold my attention. Something to come back to later, probably. 3/5 for now.
Charles Mingus
4/5
Wow this was pretty damn cool. I did not expect the man to throw in a flamenco guitar into a jazz medley, but he pulled it off very well.
I still lack any understanding of jazz music - if you utter the word "polyrhythmic" in my house, I am calling the exorcist - but this was one of the few jazz albums where I just sat back and genuinely enjoyed the experience.
Miles Davis
2/5
Load of nothing. This is like the uncanny valley of music. I still fail to grasp how blowing random notes into a trumpet for 40 minutes is high art. Why yes, I am proud of being ignorant.
This is a Charles Mingus household.
The Prodigy
5/5
If you don't like this album, the crabs will find you.
To say "this music goes hard" would be an understatement, because I don't think anything has ever gone or will ever go "harder" than this. This is the hardest shit ever. Nintendo Ninja Turtles hard. Insert dick joke here.
Madonna
3/5
I've heard a grand total of one Madonna album and I gotta say, this was definitely the best one so far.
3/5 - more enjoyable than I thought it would be, but I'm probably never going to listen to this entire album ever again, unless my life would depend on it, at which point I'd say "What a contrived situation I've gotten myself into!".
Waylon Jennings
1/5
How much fucking Country is on this list.
The National
2/5
I don't know what this genre is - "guy talking about how his wife left him while strumming two chords but occasionally the entire orchestra starts playing behind him" - but I'm so done with it at the moment.
After this album ended, I was probably hit by one of those Men In Black memory wipe devices, because I can't recall a single song. I think he sounded kind of like an even more pretentious Michael Gira in one.
Pere Ubu
1/5
Irritating.
I can't listen to Devo without getting irrationally angry (this type of music just awakens some primal rage inside of me), so listening to Devo: Deluxe Edition over here is not something I enjoyed very much.
I will now proceed to live the rest of my life without ever thinking about this album's existence for even a second.
Germs
4/5
This was very cool. My favorite part was when the official Spotify lyrics said [Incomprehensible].
Kate Bush
3/5
Kate Bush does a very good impression of Adam Sandler doing a horrible old person impression.
My opinion on this is the same as my opinion on Björk - I get it, I even like it, but one of the best of all time? Ehhh...
"Sat In Your Lap" and "Night Of The Swallow" are clearly the best songs here. Not even close.
Cocteau Twins
5/5
This is my go-to sleep album along with "Souvlaki" by Slowdive. It makes me feel like I'm levitating. Absolute ethereal perfection. Once the last part of "I Wear Your Ring" hits, I'm instantly teleported into the eighth dimension.
Ten out of ten, you already know it.
Stereolab
4/5
Love me some French Krautrock. Makes me want to furiously organize Excel spreadsheets.
That first song was absolutely fantastic. The album kind of lost steam in the second half, but it's not a big deal - still a great experience. I'll definitely return to this. I've also had "Dots and Loops" by this band on my "Music to check out" list for about a year.
Spacemen 3
3/5
I feel like I'm being blasted with subliminal messages. I really don't know what happened during "Suicide", but it was pretty cool. Certainly better than the band it's named after.
I'm out of ideas for funny quips, so I'm just going to steal a joke from somebody in the reviews for Kid A: "This album has more drones than the Obama administration".
3/5, one point for each spaceman.
The Replacements
2/5
I think the idea of "Androgynous" is really cool, especially for 1984, so it really sucks that I don't like it from a musical perspective.
Actually, most of this album is full of "cool ideas" that just don't work on my ears, so I'll leave it at that - 2/5 not for me.
Is this truly post-punk though? Seems like just regular punk to me.
Rod Stewart
2/5
Rod Stewart is the most boring guy ever.
If you put any old guy with blonde scraggly hair in front of me and told me it's Rod Stewart, I wouldn't even ask any questions. One of the best-selling artists of all time (250 million records sold!), but ask any person on the street to name a Rod Stewart album at gunpoint and 9 times out of 10 they'd tell you to shoot them in the head.
He's the type of guy to talk to his wife about "the weather we're having" while eating dry spaghetti. The man's Wikipedia page is longer than the constitution, but when I googled "Rod Stewart fun facts", the first thing that came up was that "He was car-jacked once". Wow. Incredible.
2/5. Better than that fucking god awful Faces album I had about a month ago.
Iggy Pop
4/5
The album cover is probably the first time I've seen Iggy Pop wearing a shirt.
A cool little album from a really interesting period in musical history. I'm a big fan of German music and the influences are very clear here. "China Girl" and "Mass Production" were especially fantastic.
I really don't like The Stooges, so I was pleasantly surprised by this. Don't do heroin, kids.
Dusty Springfield
2/5
Incredibly generic early 60s cover album. I have no strong feelings one way or the other.
Miles Davis
1/5
God damn it Miles Davis! Does this place look like a fucking coffee shop?
What do you mean "Kind Of Blue"? Is this supposed to be "blue" as in "sad"? Am I supposed to feel any emotion while listening to this? Because the only thing I'm thinking about while listening to this is "That guy sure loves to blow into that saxophone" and also "Where's my damn coffee".
I used to think that I hate jazz, but then I got into people like Charles Mingus and Frank Zappa (thanks to this site!), and that's when I realized that jazz is a huge genre full of great music, and that I just hate this specific subgenre of boring elevator music made by a random music generator AI that Miles Davis falls into. Throw in some god damn flamenco guitars like a real man, Miles.
You will never convince me that this is one of the greatest artistic statements of the 20th century or whatever. Call me ignorant.
More like "Kind of Shit", bozo! This is a Charles Mingus household! Next album!
Billy Joel
3/5
"Movin' Out" and "Vienna" are huge, but I kind of lost interest half way through.
I have nothing else to say about this album, so I'll just casually mention that I've never heard the song "Piano Man" before.
Metallica
5/5
Metallica's second best album after "Ride the Lightning" which is excluded from the list for some reason, even though "S&M" is on here! Fuck you Robert Dimery!!
This album is nonstop energy - banger after banger. "Battery" is one of the best opening tracks of all time. "Master of Puppets" is a song that I tried to beat on Expert+ difficulty in Beat Saber once and almost died. "Welcome Home (Sanitarium)" is my personal favorite on the album.
The only "meh" song is probably "Leper Messiah", but it's still three times better than any Metallica song post-Black Album.
Fela Kuti
4/5
Badass. For an album with such a shocking backstory, this was a great amount of fun!
This is exactly why "The Great Curve" is the best song on Talking Heads' "Remain in Light". Might have to look into African jazz.
George Harrison
2/5
The crown jewel of bloated albums. This could have been a great 30-minute album, but good old George decided that not only was a double album not enough, he was gonna do a TRIPLE album.
The instrumental jam session is completely devoid of any cool ideas. It's just a random rockabilly jam session... and it takes up an entire disc.
He's still the most talented Beatle.
Eagles
1/5
This album asks the brave question "What if Steely Dan sucked ass?"
Hotel California is my sleep paralysis demon.
Jeff Beck
1/5
How much Rod Stewart is on this list, and why is every album with the guy from a different band? It took me a few moments to realize that the vocals are not this titular "Jeff Beck" character (rest in peace by the way) and that I was yet again tricked into listening to Rod Stewart.
The world's most generic album.
This man was cursed by an evil witch and now he has to say the phrase "rock me baby" every 5 minutes or else he'll turn into a frog. I didn't count how many times the word "baby" is said on this album, but it could probably fill an orphanage.
One outta five, baby. Beck's guitar was fine though.
George Michael
2/5
Some generic 80s pop that's aged worse than a fruit fly. I mean... I don't hate it, but you wouldn't catch me listening to any George Michael in my spare time. Especially not the 9 minute long sex theme song.
The Zombies
4/5
Cute. Enjoyable. Good even.
Surprisingly very varied. There's your classic psychedelic pop of course, but then there are also some almost gothic-sounding tracks which is pretty damn impressive for '68. "Butcher's Tale" is a super eerie song that wouldn't be out of place on a Nico album and it's sandwiched between two happy poppy love songs.
I like when albums do that. Certainly better than having to hear one guy strumming three chords on his acoustic guitar and singing about "lovin' in Tennessee, ridin' on a horse with my missus" in the same tone for 50 minutes. Ain't that right Wilco.
I might have gotten a bit sidetracked.
Mylo
2/5
This sounds like music you would hear in a crappy 2000s racing game you downloaded from a freeware site. I can almost hear the stock engine sound effects in the background while listening to this.
It's not bad, but this is at least 5 parsecs away from being an essential listen. Nobody has ever laid on their death bed with their final words being: "I just wish I got to hear that Mylo album from 2004 titled "Destroy Rock an-(FLAT LINE)
Erykah Badu
3/5
Yet another R&B album that could have been amazing if not for the crazy length. Great voice and lyrics, but.. 80 minutes, man. Everything started blurring together after 30 or so minutes, and that's not even halfway through.
JAY Z
4/5
(Album number 400!)
Certainly in the better half of things to happen on September 11th 2001. A tad too bloated for a 5/5, though.
Everything But The Girl
2/5
I'm not the target audience for this one. I get what it's trying to do, but it's just boring whining to my ears.
I'm sorry bootleg Poly Styrene and bootleg Morrissey, may you live a happy life together.
Aerosmith
3/5
This is like a Dr. Suess book but about sex.
"I'd fuck on a boat, I'd fuck with a goat, I'd fuck in the rain, in the dark and on a train"
Steven Tyler is a TRUE 'MURICAN FUCK MACHINE just like the trucks on the cover!
In conclusion, this album is a bit lacking in the diversity department. Maybe one more song about sex would have fixed that.
Isaac Hayes
2/5
"Superfly" is on this list as well - did we really need two progressive soul funk soundtracks released like 6 months apart on this list?
This doesn't work as well without the context of the movie as the other soundtracks on this list do (or at least I assume as I haven't seen the movie).
Too many songs here are just little background tracks that no sane being would ever listen to in their spare time. Uhh.. something something coffee shop music, something something Scientology is a cult, something something South Park.
And again, I have to mention the fact that C418's "Minecraft: Volume Alpha" is not on this list despite being not only the best soundtrack album of all time but also the best ambient album of all time in general! Curse you Robert Dimery, yet again!
Sonic Youth
4/5
This is what dying feels like 👍 They really weren't lying. This is dirty alright. Fucking disgusting even, I love it. I'm not even the biggest noise rock fan, but a nice old assault on the ears once in a while never killed anyone I think.
The funny little creature on the album cover is a very jolly fella and I hope he continues causing rambunctious hijinks in the near future.
New York Dolls
2/5
More generic punk. Just kind of boring. I get it's super influential and my favorite bands probably wouldn't exist without it, but I MAKE THE RULES HERE. Two outta fiiive
Ray Charles
3/5
This is exactly what I expected. Nothing more, nothing less. Kind of disappointing, honestly.
Hole
3/5
More radio-friendly version of "Garbage" (the band, not the waste material usually discarded by humans). I thought the beginning was pretty boring, but the final few tracks were really cool. "Northern Star" and "Petals" especially.
Courtney Love is such a weird person though. She probably didn't kill Kurt Cobain, but she MIGHT be behind the building of the pyramids and "The Spring-Heeled Jack sightings of '37". The truth is out there, people. Stay vigilant.
The Only Ones
3/5
Ah yes. Some more late 70s British punk from a band only the writers of this book and like three construction workers from London are really passionate about.
Despite having the worst album cover I've ever seen in my entire life it's not that bad. It's completely unremarkable in the grand scheme of things, but then again, so am I. Glad to have some company. Plus I'm a sucker for this kind of music vaguely stuck between real punk and post-punk (RIP Tom Verlaine).
Genuinely though - do the writers of this book believe this album is more influential than "In The Aeroplane Over The Sea" or "The Black Parade"? Revise your god damn list, Robert Dimery. It's 2023 my guy! The kids want to listen to more albums of German guys smashing metal plates together.
Fairport Convention
3/5
Appeals to the male fantasy of being a 13th century knight and visiting the local pub with your squire after a hard day of hunting the village goblin.
Hoity fucking toity, sire.
Eurythmics
2/5
Another one hit wonder album. The only reason this is on the list is because of the title track. It's a really good song, don't get me wrong, but you have to remember that this same publisher also has a "1001 Songs You Must Hear Before You Die" book. Why not just include that song there?
Rant aside, actual album thoughts: Let's just say that there's a reason why nobody in the world can name TWO Eurythmics songs. It's some of the most boring and by-the-books 80s synthpop I've ever heard. Like they were doing the any% "All 80s Clichés" speedrun category.
Songs like "This Is the House" is what plays on loop in Tartarus.
A Tribe Called Quest
4/5
Damn is this better than The Low End Theory or am I losing my mind? Why do I never hear people talking about this album and Low End Theory gets all the glory?
Awesome. Insane samples - these guys could turn the MeowMix ad into straight fire. Yet again too bloated for a 5/5 though. What's up with hip hop artists and their inability to release albums shorter than 60 minutes?
Aerosmith
2/5
Rocks. This is truly just "the rocks" of music. I'm talking like those regular grey rocks you find in your backyard. That's how unique and interesting this album is.
If I gotta give Aerosmith one thing though, it's that they've mastered the album length formula. None of their albums overstay their welcome or feel too short. The 30-40 minute range is perfection.
ZZ Top
2/5
One of the least interesting albums of all time by one of the least interesting bands of all time. Google "10 Hours of Intense Snoring" to get my extended thoughts.
Stephen Stills
1/5
Double album. Oh no.
Stephen Stills. Oh no.
Country rock. Oh no.
Early 70s. Oh no.
A fuckular concoction of elements most foul. My man ass did not enjoy this and I will certainly not be "spreading them cheeks".
Grant Lee Buffalo
4/5
The album name, cover and everything made me think this was going to be another boring country album, and then that first song hit me with Puzzle Plank Galaxy from hell and I'm like "wait, this might actually be good".
And good it was. I had no idea "gay melodramatic alt-country music" was a genre, but turns out I'm a fan. Makes me want to put on black mascara and watch my fuckin' carrots grow, pardner.
Billie Holiday
2/5
Every time I get one of these 50s albums I feel like the biggest, most heartless douchebag for not enjoying any of them at all. All of them feel like listening to one monotonous 40 minute long song and this one is probably the biggest offender so far. I didn't even notice the songs beginning or ending most of the time. It all blended together way too much.
Santana
4/5
Elevator music for a drug house. Listening to this album on shrooms would probably make me write a new constitution.
Big boy Carlos and his guitar are amazing of course, but why does nobody talk about that drummer as well?!
Neil Young
2/5
Jesus Christ. This old miserable geezer just refuses to shut up. This is the sixth Neil Young album I've had the displeasure of listening to and, according to Wikipedia, there's still 3 more on the list. Ugh.
If I could ask the writer of this book one question, it would be why they chose Neil Young to be the most represented artist. As far as I know, he didn't invent music. Barely anybody knows of his existence outside the US and Canada. Worst of all, all of his albums sound the same.
2/5. Also put your music back on Spotify, Neil. You're ruining my "One Song From Every Album I've Listened To" playlist, Neil.
The Killers
3/5
Wait a second, this is actually pretty good. I thought The Killers were a sort of Imagine Dragons-ish band, but this is just some solid 00s rock. It's nothing mindblowing and "Mr Brightside" is still the best song here, but I still enjoyed this.
Arcade Fire
5/5
This album sounds like the final week of summer break before your first year of college - the time is about 8PM, the sun is setting, you're lying on a hammock in your backyard, thinking about all the fun stuff you did with your friends and how nervous you are about the future. The atmospheric pressure is about 1035.2456 hPa and the ozone level is about 339.19 AQ.
You know what I mean. How did they do it? I don't have it in me to rate this anything but a 5/5.
Tori Amos
3/5
I am too drunk to write a coherent review of this album, so I'll just say that thsi was pretty long and kind of boring by the end, but enjoyable enough.
Genesis
3/5
So apparently this was a concept album, but I was too busy vibing with the music to discern any semblance of a story. I like progressive rock a lot, so I don't have a problem with overblown lyrics, but I was getting pretty tired of everything after the first disc.
If they ended the album then and there, this could have been a 5/5, but they just kept going. You could probably get married and have three children during this album's runtime.
Basically the same issue that I have with Pink Floyd's "The Wall". Prog rock works best when it's on an album with like five 10-minute songs. You can't do these gigantic lyrics and crazy instrumentation that well when your average song length is 2 minutes.
So in summary, my thoughts on this album are that The Wall is easily the worst 70s Pink Floyd album, including Atom Heart Mother.
Laura Nyro
2/5
Whatever. Kind of just background noise. Not the biggest fan of her vocals.
Yeah Yeah Yeahs
3/5
Y'know, looking back at all the 5/5s I've given over this past year and something, there's only a few I would consider downgrading on subsequent relistens. One of them would be Yeah Yeah Yeah's "Fever to Tell", which I gave a 5/5 back in February 2022 (If you're wondering the other two would be Dr. Dre's "The Chronic" and Black Sabbath's debut).
It's still a really fun album, but not something I would consider an essential listen. I was really hoping this album could fill that spot since it's apparently their best one, but it didn't really do anything for me.
The best song, and the only song I've heard beforehand, is "Heads With Roll". The other songs range from completely forgettable to fine dance music you would faintly hear while sitting on the toilet at a party. 3/5. Don't do that egg thing with my balls, that would suck.
Nas
4/5
This is the sacred cow of hip hop, but I think I need to be American to get the full experience. I get what the guy's saying, but the only thing I know about New York is that they speak with funny accents and there's a billion dead rats everywhere.
But despite that, the beats go hard, the rhyming schemes make my amoeba brain hurt and the album length is perfect. 4/5, I'll definitely return to this one, and I'm sure it will grow on me a lot and then I'll regret not giving this a 5.
The Last Shadow Puppets
4/5
Wait, this sounds like Alex Tu-oh. It's Alex Turner. I enjoy me a bit of Arctic Monkeys, by that I mean that I listen to the singles from their first two albums and AM sometimes.
This sounds nothing like the Arctic Monkeys I know though. It's almost like an orchestrated spy movie soundtrack with some early 60s pop influences. That sounds like an absolute trainwreck, but I'm a sucker for stupid shit so it tickled my fancy.
Alex Turner should stop making boring lounge music and do more interesting stuff like this. I went in with no expectations, but I'm a fan.
Eric Clapton
2/5
Boohoo, my name is Eric Clapton and I'm scared of vaccines, waaaah!!
Clapton is an old dickhead and his music is boring. 2/5
The Prodigy
2/5
My biggest takeaway from this is how quickly electronic music advanced from 1994 to 1997, because this sounds at least a decade older than "The Fat of the Land". It's almost primitive in comparison, the songs are way longer but also way more repetitive. It lacks the cool vocals and samples that make the crab album so fun to listen to.
In conclusion, just listen to "The Fat of the Land" instead. It even has a funny crab on the cover.
OutKast
3/5
♪ I'm sorry Miss Jackson ♪
♪ I am four eels ♪
♪ Never meant to make your daughter cry ♪
♪ I am several fish and not a guy ♪
I like these gentlemen, but I think they skipped the "how to not make your album insanely bloated" class, because both this and "Speakerboxx/The Love Below" are like 3x longer than they should be.
Has some crazy catchy songs though.
John Coltrane
4/5
Jazz is only good when I feel like I'm being assaulted with a crowbar in musical form, and this fits the bill.
Reading this guy's Wikipedia article was a trip. One day I aspire to also do so much heroin that people in San Francisco begin worshiping me as God incarnate.
John Coltrane has officially joined my expansive list of a whopping four good jazz artists along with Charles Mingus, Frank Zappa and Fela Kuti.
Michael Jackson
4/5
My asscheeks were vibrating gleefully to this album. Not better than "Thriller" though.. but then again, not many albums are.
The title track was my favorite song because it starts with witch sounds, but the entire first half is pretty much nonstop bangers.
Man was truly off the wall. Bonkers. Unhinged even.
Frank Sinatra
1/5
Well that was a massive waste of my time. I got nothing from this album and listening to it was the longest half an hour of my life. Halfway through I just put it on as background noise and started playing Civ 6.
Adele
3/5
I respect Adele, because I think she's one of the few modern artists who are popular for actually being talented (genuinely what is the deal with people like Ed Sheeran?). She's got some pipes, man.
That being said, this is not as consistent as "21" and way simpler. Too many songs here feel like throwaways and nothing reaches the same highs as "Hello" and "When We Were Young".
Good album, not an essential listen though. I can see why they removed this from newer editions of the book.
Garbage
5/5
Now we're talking. This is one of my favorite albums of all time. A full 51 minutes of nonstop bangers. There's so many different genres thrown into this thing that you'd think the end product would be an unfocused mess, but every single song lands, is distinct from one another and nothing feels out of place or boring.
Okay, maybe a part of that is my nostalgia talking, but this album is definitely not garbage (world's most original joke). The best songs are "Supervixen", "Queer", "Only Happy When It Rains", "Stupid Girl", "Milk". Can't narrow it down more than that.
Rod Stewart
1/5
Damn, this generator REALLY wants me to listen to Rod Stewart. This guy was absolutely made in a lab or something.
I don't believe it's humanly possible to be a more boring person than Rod Stewart. Man had to go out of his way to create an album that has literally no interesting qualities whatsoever.
Can's Tago Mago released in the same year as this, there are no excuses. Essential listen my ass. My crackhead neighbor yelling out of the window at 3AM is a more essential listen than this album. The Hampster Dance probably had a bigger impact on the history of music than this.
Fairport Convention
3/5
Man who cares.
The Sabres Of Paradise
2/5
The first 5 songs (almost half an hour of the album) is genuinely some of the worst music I've ever heard in my life. I'm convinced that I could make a better song than "Bubble and Slide" and I can barely play "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" on a piano.
After this half an hour of the worst shit my ears have ever heard and me debating whether I should smash my head through a brick wall, the album suddenly realizes that "Wait, we're supposed to be doing music here" and chases away the sneaky goblins pressing random buttons on a synthesizer out of the recording room.
Listening to the four songs starting from "Wilmot" and ending with "Theme 4" felt like divine intervention. My ears couldn't believe that they were actually being stimulated in a good way. It was like the musical equivalent of having a pizza after being stranded on an island eating nothing but bugs for a month.
Sadly this "actual music" streak didn't last very long and with "Return to Planet D", the goblins returned (with a bubble gun or something? What the fuck is that instrument?) They go out with a bang in what I genuinely think is the worst song I have ever heard in my entire life ("Chapel Street Market 9am") and then let my sleep paralysis demon finish the album off with whatever that final track was.
My overall opinion on this album is a 2/5 - I'm pretty glad I got to hear this, even if a significant part of it was about as listenable as "Woodpecker No. 1" by Merzbow (check that out if you haven't heard of it before - I promise it'll kill you instantly).
Sorry for writing an entire college essay about this, but this album is a fascinating mess.
The Clash
4/5
The Clash are excellent and it's great to listen to an album of theirs that has no filler, because both "London Calling" and especially "Sandanista!" suffer greatly from that. However, the highs on this album aren't nearly as high as the two aforementioned albums and I can't even really name a least or most favorite song because they were all consistently like a 7.5/10.
Pixies
4/5
Unhinged music for crazy people (term of endearment).
Favorite Pixies album that I've heard (not gotten around to Doolittle yet - a felony in 197 countries - I know, I'm aware). Songs like "Velouria", "Is She Weird" and "Dig For Fire" are the type of music that would randomly start playing in your brain at 3AM when you're trying to fall asleep. (again, term of endearment).
Also "Rock Music" goes hard. Don't trust people who say it sucks. It's what separates the boys from the men. Factual information.
The Disposable Heroes Of Hiphoprisy
2/5
I like how the Television song has turned from a huge progressive left-wing statement to something you'd hear from your racist 80-year old grandpa's Facebook page.
"Television is bad! Books are good! Kids these days don't know where Panama is! Media makes kids violent!" - This shit is completely embarrassing today.
I'm very much not interested in hearing about America's political issues in 1992 for a whopping 70 minutes. I'm Eastern European. I don't know or care about who Pete Wilson is. I don't know what's a Pell Grant. I only know about potatoes and sauerkraut.
George Michael
2/5
Fine. Nothing special, just fine. I have no strong feelings one way or the other, although I can probably say that I enjoyed this more than "Faith".
Julian Cope
2/5
This is a mess. I have no idea what I just listened to, but I'm pretty sure I didn't enjoy it. It's almost like every song is from a different album. There is no cohesion and it all felt like listening to some mad man's Spotify playlist on shuffle.
And despite that, every song was completely unmemorable. The only lyric I remember was when he mentioned Donkey Kong for some reason - that was also when I realized that this album isn't from the late 70s, but from 1991.
Also Jesus Christ, that album cover is hideous.
Pearl Jam
4/5
EEEEEVEN FLOW
I suddenly have an urge to buy a skateboard and steal a kid's lunch money. Goes hard. Definitely one of the biggest albums of the 90s.
The Pharcyde
3/5
Contains a 4 minute long song of yo mama jokes. Truly the peak of human achievement.
As far as 90s hip hop albums go.. yeah, this is definitely a 90s hip hop album. I didn't hear anything that blew me away, but it was fun enough. Essentially an ascended shitpost in musical form.
"Yo mama got the wooden legs with real feet" - Shakespeare could never.
Amy Winehouse
3/5
Let me be frank, this album is pretty good. I gave "Back to Black" a 2/5 back in January 2022 because my goals are far beyond the mortal understanding. I now consider that album to be a 4/5 and formally apologize for my sins.
This one is weaker than that one. It really feels like the beta version. The performances are a bit blinder and the lyrics.. well actually, I didn't mind the lyrics that much.
Three outta five.
Nirvana
5/5
Fucking incredible. If this live album isn't a 5/5, then no live album is a 5/5. One of the greatest live performances of all time and if you disagree, I WILL be in your walls.
Notice how there's only two "big hits" on this ("Come As You Are" and "All Apologies") and the rest is pretty obscure songs from their discography and a bunch of non-mainstream covers. They even brought in the fucking Meat Puppets as guests. The album concludes with a cover of the traditional song "In The Pines" which probably ends up being one the best Nirvana songs. Kurt's performance could give goosebumps to a goldfish.
Everything But The Girl
4/5
Downtempo? Trip-Hop? Nah. This genre of music is called Mushroom music. Proper Fungus funk. Mycelium madness. Toad from Mario? He loves this shit. Listens to it every day.
It's like Portishead but slightly less toadstoolish than that. Whereas "Dummy" sounds like being lost in an underground mushroom cavern, this sounds more like frolicking in a whimsical fungal forest.
Hugh Masekela
1/5
I'm sorry, but this was a gigantic waste of my time. I've been slowly warming up to jazz music throughout this musical journey, but this subgenre of boring elevator music that is essentially just one guy playing random piano notes for 76(!!!) minutes, is something I will probably never understand.
I can't give this anything but a 1/5. I apologize for my ignorance, but this was basically the musical equivalent of watching paint dry.
Duke Ellington
3/5
⚠️ WARNING! If you search for this album on Spotify, the first thing that comes up is the 2 hour version. You don't have to listen to all that jazz (ha), because the original 1956 LP was only 40 minutes long. Look for the playlist by the user "josesanzgc" instead.
TL;DR: If the version you're listening to starts with the Star Spangled Banner, that's the wrong version.
Man, I kinda hate the fact that this album is actually pretty good, because now I can't make my review: "Duke Ellington? More like Duke Smellington".
Steve Earle
3/5
It's fine. One of the best country albums I've ever heard, so let this 3/5 be an indication of how low the bar has been set so far (except for my man Johnny Cash).
Nice one, Steve.
Maxwell
2/5
This is probably objectively pretty good, but trying to focus on R&B for an hour feels like being trapped in a time vortex for 300 years.
I will now proceed to live the rest of my life without ever thinking about this album's existence again.
Badly Drawn Boy
4/5
You could throw the world's worst indie rock album at me, and I'd probably still give it like a 3/5. I'm a slut for whiny virgin music. I assume this guy is as well, because this album feels like somebody putting every single popular indie artist in a blender.
It works better than I expected. I'd still much rather listen to actual Elliott Smith and Neutral Milk Hotel than the tracks on this album inspired by them, but it's a very pleasant collection of tunes. Some songs are huge. "Cause a Rockslide" especially sounded like the ADHD-ridden brain of somebody who's been trapped in the Shadow Indie Dimension for 7 years.
I will now remind everybody that "In The Aeroplane Over The Sea" is not on this list.
Red Hot Chili Peppers
2/5
Angelfire-ass music. I can see the rotating gifs and bright links as I listen to this.
Masterful lyricism: "Ugh yeah. Blowjobs are awesome!" - repeat for an hour and 13 minutes. Jesus, this album is long for absolutely no reason.
Anthony Kiedis can sing pretty well, so I don't understand why he's so insistent on rapping. I get second-hand embarrassment every time he tries to rap-sing about a "creamy beaver hotter than a fever" (that's an actual lyric from this album. You can doublecheck).
"Under the Bridge", overplayed as it may be, is the best song here.
2/5. Come on man.
Black Sabbath
5/5
GENERALS GATHERED IN THEIR MASSEEEEEEES
JACQUELINE KENNEDY ONASSIIIIIIIIIS
This album is flawless. Every song bangs, every idea works, no second is wasted.
Here's a fun one for the zoomers in the audience: Notice how the song "Rat Salad" sounds like the "Among Us Drip" song. People who know what I'm talking about are now crying into their pillows.
Yes
3/5
This album is a trap. It lures you in with "Roundabout" - oh boy! An entire album of songs like that famous classic! - Guess again fuckface!! All you're getting is an album full of scrapped Super Mario 64 music and weird experimental jams! YOU FELL FOR IT FOOL! THUNDER CROSS SPLIT ATTACK!
You know what the kids love? Random minute long instrumentals. Let's make an album that has like 3 actual songs and the rest is weird goofy noises.
It's like they were trying to create the greatest album of all time but their studio got hijacked by goblins.
3/5, because "Roundabout" and "South Side of the Sky" are that good. "Heart of the Sunrise" is pretty good as well, but Yes has better prog medleys. The rest is goblin slop.
Alice Cooper
3/5
Fun little album, but nothing to write home about. Alice Cooper just sort of exists. They wanted to make hard rock and they sure made hard rock.
I spent about 10 minutes trying to figure out what the end of "Alma Mater" reminds me of. It's the iconic Ink Spots intro. I'd also really want to know why "Street Fight", the 50 second interlude that's barely music, is the second most streamed song on this album.
Depeche Mode
5/5
One of my favorite albums of all time. What a great time to generate this record as well, with "Memento Mori" releasing in 2 days.
The formula to make a good album is actually very simple - a lot of funny noises that make me go ha ha. This album has a lot of funny noises. I especially like when "Policy of Truth" goes BEEP BOOP BABABAPWOOP. Or when "Personal Jesus" goes BUM BABA BUMBUM.
Thank you for reading my deep analysis of this album.
The Libertines
3/5
You already know an album is going to be a 3/5 at best when you see that the Wikipedia article for it is like 8 sentences long. One of those sentences being: "The Libertines was voted the third-most overrated album ever made in a 2005 BBC public poll."
This sounds a bit like The Cla-oh, it was produced by Mick Jones. That makes sense. Yeah, it's exactly what I expected. More British punk - the most important genre in musical history according to this book. Kind of goofy. Yup, it's a 3/5.
Joni Mitchell
5/5
This album is ethereal and heavenly. Please put it back on Spotify. You're ruining my playlists. Do not trust people who think her voice is annoying - they might be skinwalkers.
5/5. Really good music this week! Should I be worried?
Dizzee Rascal
1/5
Goofiest album of all time.
This feels like an internet shitpost. Something you'd hear on an ironic Youtube video about the "Top 10 Hottest Anime Characters" that's just a Windows Movie Maker slideshow with really blurry images.
Cockney rappers are the funniest shit ever. I think I understood like 3 words this guy said.
My ears feel sore now.
Paul McCartney and Wings
3/5
Fucking incredible opening and closing tracks, but the middle is mostly unmemorable. Cool rock tunes, but nothing special.
David Bowie
4/5
David Bowie does so much crack cocaine that he accidentally ends up writing Final Fantasy dungeon music.
That's truly what being German is all about.
Blood, Sweat & Tears
2/5
I was reading up on this album, and it apparently beat Abbey Road for the Grammy in 1970?! I'm not even the biggest Abbey Road fan, but that's a snub and a crime.
This album is really weird. Starts with a cover of a classical piece, then goes into a Traffic cover, there's an 11 minute full-on jazz jam and it all ends with another classical piece.
Overall an interesting enough listen, but definitely not my kind of music.
Fela Kuti
4/5
Fela's a big fella, large even. This album goes way harder than it should. Probably one of the funkiest albums of all time and that's not an exaggeration - there's just something about Afrobeat/African jazz that makes me want to hit up some Johnny Bravo poses and smile for the camera. That's also probably why "Remain in Light" is the only Talking Heads album I can tolerate.
Strong 4/5. Now I'm off to listen to "Zombie" again.
Country Joe & The Fish
2/5
Wow. A psychedelic rock album from 1967? These guys were truly innovators. There were definitely no other psychedelic rock albums from this time period! I'm sure this album belongs on the list and is not just a footnote in one of the most oversaturated music genres of all time!
Country Joe should shut up and let THE FISH speak for a moment. I want to hear some blubs.
Truly one of the albums ever. 2/5.
Soundgarden
2/5
Soundgarden never clicked for me. This entire album sounds like generic hard rock and every song (except for "Black Hole Sun") follows basically the same formula.
I've had one album from each one of the Big 4 of Grunge, and this was almost definitely my least favorite.
"Black Hole Sun" is awesome though.
Coldplay
4/5
From what I've seen and heard, there are apparently two rules to music:
• Pretend to hate Coldplay
• Pretend to enjoy jazz
This album is very cool and I enjoyed it quite a lot.
I'm not super familiar with Coldplay apart from the big hits (holy shit, these songs have a lot of Spotify plays). I get the "bootleg Radiohead" comparisons and all that, but hey, gay British alt rock has always been one of my favorite genres so the more the merrier.
I don't get how people can call this album soulless with songs like "Clocks" and "The Scientist". The Goblin King is pleased. He will not awaken today.
Van Halen
3/5
"Eruption" is absolutely disgusting. Top 3 guitar solos of all time, no contest.
I love the sound of the guitar. It's a very crunchy, ghastly (in a good way) sound.
Van Halen should have gone the Buckethead route and made a fully instrumental album, because the weakest part of this are the kitschy lyrics and vocals. I want to hear that awesome guitar but there's this guy who keeps screaming about all the women he's fucked.
So in conclusion: If this didn't have any lyrics it could be one of the best instrumental albums of all time. With lyrics, it's just a pretty good "dad rock" album.
Iggy Pop
3/5
Not better than "The Idiot". Still has some really good songs like "The Passenger" (even if I prefer the Siouxsie version more) and the title track, but then there's also stuff like the song "Turn Blue" which is... something. I appreciate the strangeness at least, even if the song sucks ass.
The moral of the story: Don't do drugs or you'll randomly wake up in Germany one day.
Also stop smiling at me.
Ice Cube
2/5
I really liked N.W.A.'s debut album, so I'm kind of disappointed with this. Every song sounded the same. Ice Cube's an angry dude, I get it, but screaming in my ear for 50 minutes got pretty tiring half way through.
Second half also falls apart in the beat department. Not to mention the weird misogyny (although that's sadly to be expected in 90s gangsta rap).
2/5. Better ice type rapper than Vanilla Ice, because Ice Cube learns Ice Beam at level 29, which is super effective against dragon types.
Caetano Veloso
4/5
This sounds like something they'd play in Better Call Saul for a montage of Mike Ehrmantraut making a Looney Tunes-tier trap to fuck over the cartel.
A really cool record. I'm always happy to see something non-western. I don't understand a word of Portuguese, but I'm sure he's spitting straight facts. "Tropicália" is truly the perfect name for this genre.
PJ Harvey
4/5
PJ Harvey has that "goblin guarding a stash of gold" vibe. A true icon. You go girl.
This album sounds like Björk if she actually made music. Or maybe like Patti Smith if you dipped her into hydrochloric acid.
I don't like how I can see her nose hairs on the album cover though. That's not funky fresh, I'm afraid to say.
Ella Fitzgerald
2/5
I only listened to the "Very Best Of The Gershwin Songbook", because that's where this site links and because I'd rather eat a full family-sized bag of unseasoned dicks than listen to jazz for 3 hours.
(Note: If you want the full version, search for "Ella Fitgerald Sings The George and Ira Gershwin Song Book" on Spotify)
Alright, first of all, why is a box set on this list? This is essentially just a compilation and those are supposed to be excluded, right?
I'm very glad I decided to listen to the abridged version, because even the "best hits" started getting old 5 songs in. Listening to 59(!!!) variations of "woman crooning about how she's sad while Tom & Jerry background music is playing" would have been my Tantalus punishment.
Underworld
2/5
Weaponized printer music.
Crazy how this is probably the shortest techno album I've had so far.
It starts out pretty interesting and ends up on a cool note (that final song sounds a whole lot like Depeche Mode), but the middle is like an hour and a half of weird forgettable beep boops. Not for me, sorry.
U2
2/5
Nobody actually cares about U2. Everybody claiming to be a "U2 fan" is a government plant. Bono isn't even real. His voice was made using speech synthesis and the guy on stage is a Serbian chap named Stanislav Jebović. Look it up.
I know for a fact that the album cover was created after the guy who makes the artwork came to Bono with 16 concepts and told Bono to pick one, and Bono was like "I don't fucking know man. I don't work here. Just put them all on there somehow."
Best U2 album I've heard so far. 2/5
David Bowie
4/5
Ah yes. Crippling depression.
Public Enemy
1/5
Something about this album feels claustrophobic. All the songs have the same flow. All the beats are barely 2 second long loops.
The songs that aren't boring are downright annoying. Hype men are pointless and Flav's voice is grating.
Gonna be a no from me.
The Who
2/5
The Who were so preoccupied with whether they could, they didn’t stop to think if they should.
This is the kitschiest album of all time with the stupidest and most annoying concept of all time. Maybe if they fully committed to the bit it would have worked, but this is essentially just a boring psychedelic pop album with fart sound effects before and after every song.
Hide those nipples. 2/5
The Dictators
3/5
Go go gadget painful erection.
Absolutely discombobulated at the fact that I actually enjoyed this. It's stupid music for dumb people and I am dumb people, so I approve.
Grateful Dead
1/5
I can't believe so many people in the 70s made this band their entire personality.
I was promised psychedelic rock that cool hippies go mental over and all I got was 42 minutes of the most boring country I've ever heard.
I don't get it. Just do LSD in your garage like a proper gentleman, no need to chase these guys in a Scooby Doo-ass van or whatever.
Guess you just had to be there.
UB40
2/5
This is the most okay album of all time. UB40 are an actual enigma and you will never meet a person who considers them their favorite band, but they're not exactly on anyone's "worst bands of all time" lists either.
I liked the more ambient parts of this album. This is still a strictly "no reggae" household though.
Kraftwerk
4/5
This album feels like being stuck in a time vortex, but like... in a good way. It's like the musical equivalent of taking a wrong turn and now you're suddenly in a random Bulgarian village (population: 383).
The people yearn for more albums of German people making funny noises.
The Chemical Brothers
4/5
I don't know why I like this album of "looping electronic bleeps and bloops" more than the dozen other "looping electronic bleeps and bloops" albums this generator has thrown at me.
There's some black magic fuckery going on here. My brain has been properly tickled and I feel violated. 4/5
Killing Joke
3/5
This album is the musical equivalent of getting your head smashed into a concrete wall. Whether that's a good or bad thing is up to you.
I had no idea that Killing Joke's debut was this raw, as I mostly know them from their goth hits like "Love Like Blood" and "Eighties" (both amazing songs, by the way). The mixing is hard to get used to. Some songs sound like they were made by speaking into a fan and the vocal effect is kind of annoying. I'm sure it was really cool in 1980 though.
Bad Brains
3/5
This is what I would listen to if I were cooler. Alas, I am lame as fuck, so I must give this a 3/5.
Recording vocals over the phone from prison? That's crazy.
Roni Size
2/5
You know you're in for something fuckular when you check and see that the "short version" of the album is 78 minutes long.
Well yeah, this was definitely a lot of D&B. Way too much D&B for one man in one day, to be honest. Obviously very important historically and the hits slap, but... 140 minutes, man. That's insanity even for the late 90s (the era of the most bloated albums known to man).
Highlights: The first three songs, "Heroes", "Destination", "Trust Me", "Electricks". That might seem like a lot but remember that this album is 23 DAMN SONGS LONG and only 6 of those songs are under 6 minutes.
So basically in conclusion, this is awesome but I also fucking hate it.
Beck
4/5
Beck is such a word-saying guy. He's absolutely obsessed with saying words. Every time I've looked up the meaning to a Beck song, it's just that "this song is gibberish". Good for him and the maggot on his sleeve.
This guy could sample a giraffe farting and rap his grocery list over it and I would be like "ah, classic Beck".
Classic Beck. 4/5
Goldfrapp
4/5
This is like a James Bond soundtrack written by aliens. A good ol' trip-hop album is always a welcome sight.
Holy shit at "Utopia". It's been so long since I've heard a new song that instantly shot me into space. It's so beautiful.
Loved it. A strong 4/5 rating from me.
Stan Getz
2/5
Me, the heartless fuck, the absolute buffoon, found this album to be very boring. I'm very rarely in the mood to listen to some bossa nova, and this day was no different.
I can't even say this is "elevator music" as a gotcha, since "The Girl from Ipanema" is literally the cliché elevator music they use in movies. It's also the best song on the album and the only one that I can recall.
The Roots
4/5
One of the most creative hip hop albums I've had the pleasure of listening to. These guys didn't deserve the horrible fate of being known as "the Jimmy Fallon band". The last few songs drag on a bit, but the bangers outweigh the relatively boring tracks by a lot.
Really enjoyed this. Strong 4/5.
The Charlatans
2/5
I'm a big britpop apologist and some of my favorite albums of all time are britpop ("Dog Man Star", "Attack of the Grey Lantern", "The Bends", "In It For The Money" to name a few) , but this album was just completely inoffensive. Oasis is my least favorite of the big four and this band sounds like even more boring Oasis. More bands should have ripped off Suede instead.
Lupe Fiasco
3/5
Alright we're just making up albums now. You can't convince me this existed before this exact moment. This album generator is a psyop - wake up sheeple.
Objectively a "cool as fuck" record, but I am begging hip hop artists to shorten their albums. I will be returning to some of the songs here, like "Daydreamin'" (banger), but a big part of it is filler. Near the beginning especially - a rare phenomenon where the second half is better than the first.
Also very cool of him to personally give a shoutout to every single person who has ever existed on planet Earth in that final song, very cool. Very glad I listened to the entire 12 minutes of that.
Shoutouts to the western diamondback rattlesnake I ran over on the lunar eclipse of November 9th 2003 near Las Vegas strip. Rest in peace, bless his family.
Creedence Clearwater Revival
2/5
I'm not a middle-aged American father of five, so I sadly can't say that I enjoyed this. Somebody PLEASE get John Fogerty some cough drops.
Dr. Octagon
2/5
Pussy and farts and also dicks and balls. Truly a thinking man's album.
I recognize this guy from that one song on "Fat of the Land" by The Prodigy. While listening to this, my most prominent thought was that I should just go listen to the funny crab album instead.
I get why people would like this and the spooky atmosphere is cool, but overall, not an album for me.
John Grant
4/5
I've said it before, and I'll say it again - you can throw the world's worst indie album at me and I'd still probably give it at least a 3/5. I'm enamored by gay indie records and I don't know why.
John Grant has put a spell on me with his fabulous gayness and now my hand is forced to give this a 4/5 else I suffer the horrible fate of being deported to Denmark in a steel box.
My favorite song was the one I can't say the name of.
Also the piano melody from "Marz" is very familiar. I thought it was "Bloody Tears" from Castlevania, but nah. I'm 99% sure I've heard something that's note-for-note identical.
Einstürzende Neubauten
4/5
Oh fuck yeah, now we're talking. Wait no, I swear I'm not being pretentious.
This is the lowest rated album on this site because I guess mostly people aren't very fond of German people smashing metal plates together - who would have guessed.
But halle-fucking-lujah, this is something this list needs more of. Albums that make you go "well, that was an experience and now I'm a changed man". Nobody is lying on their deathbed wishing they heard more crappy 80s post-punk or late 60s psychedelic rock. THIS is what we all deserve to be listening to as we embrace eternal oblivion.
I'm giving this a high rating not only because I genuinely really love it, but also to help Kid Rock move to his rightful place as the actual worst album on this list.
Together we can make a difference. Save the turtles.
Slade
3/5
This album being actually pretty damn good feels like a glitch in the matrix. During multiple points I was like "yeah, I like it so far, but they'll DEFINITELY drop the ball on this next song!" ... and they never did. They did in fact slay.
Strong 3/5 in the music department, but horrible spelling. See me after class.
Bruce Springsteen
2/5
You just have to be American to enjoy Bruce Springsteen, I guess. Regular dad rock - nothing bad, nothing offensive, but nothing that would stick in my mind either.
ZZ Top
2/5
They call 'em ZZ Top because you'll be catching Zs after listening to their music.
Their best album by a metric fuckton. Still a 2/5 though because I suck.
David Holmes
2/5
The process for choosing electronica albums to add onto this list must have been throwing darts at a board, because I have no fucking clue how they managed to dig up the most obscure albums by DJs that exactly seven people in London have heard of.
This album is about as influential in the history of music as me singing in the shower. What going to NYC does to a motherfucker.
(Album number 500! Almost halfway done, who would have thought. I really thought I would get bored of this like two weeks in, but here I am and I'm not quitting until I listen to all 1001 of these things)
My Bloody Valentine
3/5
I'm very familiar with "Loveless" but never checked out the other albums by this band. This is their first one and it just kind of sounds like a bootleg Sonic Youth. Still good, but overshadowed into the nightmare dimension by their next album. I think it's pretty clear that they were still honing their craft here.
The Police
3/5
"Oh, I love Message in a Bottle, I hope the rest of this album sounds like that" I say as I am hit in the face with a bunch of songs that sound like alternate takes on the DuckTales theme song.
The Police and Queen are the royalty of having some of the best singles you've ever heard in your life, but the rest of their songs being silly lasagna music. I don't know what that means either, but you get what I'm saying.
Sadly this album doesn't contain any songs in which Sting has a conversation with a brontosaurus, so I can't go any higher than a 3/5. Glad they fixed that in their later albums.
Ian Dury
1/5
These albums keep spawning from the mist, man. What the hell is this.
Completely unenjoyable. The world's most British man yelling at me about how he wants to have sex, while using fiddly-diddly-shimmy-shammy-blimey-hokey-pokey slang.
Jerry Lee Lewis
4/5
What a cool album! I sure do hope this guy isn't a racist pedo psychopath with a god complex - boy would that suck!
Calexico
3/5
Judging by that album cover, you would never guess that this is actually an indie country album with mariachi influences.
Very unique. I don't think I've ever heard anything like this.
Miles Davis
2/5
Four albums by this fucker, my arch-nemesis, and this is the first one that I would call even barely listenable.
I don't get it. I know that he's probably in the top 3 most influential musicians of all time, but my brain rejects his music. This is strictly a Charles Mingus and John Coltrane household.
Little Simz
2/5
Objectively a good record, but I still haven't clicked with British rap. Blimey crumpets, god save the king or whatever. Feels weird to say that instead of "God save the queen". I have nothing to say about this, I'm just writing random words.
Bruce Springsteen
2/5
This is now the fourth Bruce Springsteen album I've heard, but if you pointed a gun at me and told me to sing any song by this guy I'd tell you to shoot me in the head.
Not being from the Anglosphere comes with the perk of never being forced to listen to Bruce Springsteen.
Boring white boy noodling with a bunch of thingamajigs. Get outta my face.
R.E.M.
4/5
It's like a warm hug in musical form. I want this album to tuck me into bed and tell me that everything's going to be alright.
Hookworms
3/5
Bribery is the only explanation as to why this is on the list. Notice how almost all the reviews for this album start with "Never heard of this band...". Seriously, who the fuck are these guys? Even you, currently reading this review, have never heard of this band before.
I thought Wikipedia would help me understand why this could be considered an essential listen, but 75% of their page is about sexual assault allegations and their official site is an uncustomized Blogspot blog.
Okay let's talk about the actual album now. It's nothing special. The first three songs are actually really good, but after that I think they forgot they were making an album.
No fucks were given by anyone after that point. "Boxing Day" could have been the best song on the album, but it just abruptly ends without any rhyme or reason.
3/5 from a musical enjoyment perspective, but who cares man.
The Magnetic Fields
5/5
Y'know, despite the fact that this is 69 songs long, I never got tired of it. The musical diversity, multiple singers and some completely batshit curveballs really helped keep my attention ("Experiment Music Love" for example). Even the duller moments weren't bad and just inoffensive background music at worst.
I think pulling that off takes a lot of talent. Shit, I guess making 3 hours of consistently great music deserves a 5/5... Although I absolutely understand people who give this a 1/5.
k.d. lang
2/5
Just had "69 Love Songs" yesterday, and this somehow felt longer than that.
Boring crooning for boring people. Obviously a talented singer or whatever, but I can't keep my eyes open listening to this.
The Birthday Party
4/5
A fucked piece of shit. A consensual curb stomping.
More proof that the "Lowest Rated Albums" on this site are generally more exciting and fun than the "Highest Rated Albums".
This was awesome. Haters will be turned into molten slag in the molten slag machine that comes free with every junkyard.
Sonic Youth
5/5
If they ever put me on trial for all my crimes and shove me in a cement mixer, this is what I want playing in the background as I leave all you mortals behind.
I want to go back in time to the 1600s and play "Silver Rocket" to the king of England so his face melts like Raiders of the Lost Ark.
Amazing album. Could be considered The Velvet Underground of the 80s influence-vise. Definitely a 5/5.
Venom
2/5
HELL. DEATH. PISS. I FUCK DEMONS. FIRE BURNS. SATAN RISES. I DON'T PAY MY TAXES ON TIME.
This sounds like a fake album that a kid in an 80s sitcom would listen to as a parody of "trying too hard to be edgy"-metal.
"Teacher caught me masturbating underneath the desk" - actual lyrics from this album. Also featuring the world's blandest production of all time.
Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds
4/5
Have they had Nick Cave voice a Disney villain yet? His voice was made for a role like that.
I still haven't heard a bad album from this guy. He has to be one of the most consistent people in music, even taking his other projects like The Birthday Party into consideration.
A very consistent double album that was never dull. Glad the album cover was a jape, because it's really unfitting and boring. It's also weird how I unabashedly hate crooning, but when you mix it with dark and gothic vibes, it's suddenly great.
Teenage Fanclub
3/5
Cute little album. Reminded me of a bunch of different bands like Weezer or Pavement. Although I can't say I agree with Spin magazine on this being better than Nirvana's Nevermind, but to each their own.
Bon Jovi
2/5
YOU'RE LISTENING TO FUCKLER ROCK FM RADIO *eagle sound effect* THE ONLY RADIO STATION WITH BALLS. THIS AIN'T YOUR GRANNY'S MUSIC *explosion sound effect* ROCK SO HARD, YOUR DICK WILL GET HARD AS WELL *Livin' On A Prayer starts playing*
Cheesy, fake, plastic, but also kind of endearing in a way. Can't say I'm not glad that Hair Metal is a thing of the distant past now, but it sure was a thing that happened.
Mike Oldfield
3/5
My favorite part was when he started calling in instruments like Pokémon.
This album contains about 10 minutes of eargasmic perfection and 40 more minutes of random goofing around with a bunch of stuff Mike Oldfield found in his garage.
Man ruined what could have been one of the best drops in prog history at 11 minutes into Pt. II by making horrible growling orc noises. I've heard people complaining about them before listening to this, and it's even worse than I could have ever imagined.
Special shoutouts to the short "Mike Oldfield's Single". It's not on the official release of the album, but it was on Spotify so I listened to it, and I liked it more than Pts. I and II.
Weak 3/5. It sucks how much better this could have been without the goofy noises.
Pet Shop Boys
3/5
Would be cooler if this was sped up by 50% and sung by an anime girl. That would make me want to smoke a fat blunt and pledge allegiance to the glorious UK of GB&NI.
Don't make any sudden movements, lest the Goblin King awakens.
Jungle Brothers
2/5
This is unflavored hip hop. Just a slab of tofu for the ears.
Way too simple to be 60 minutes long. I was so over it by the third song, but they just kept going and going with the same flows, same beats and same lyrics. Curses. Foiled again.
Talvin Singh
1/5
Electronic picks on this list are always something like: "Gooberology by DJ Shitass from Newhampfordworcestershireshire (Length: 182 minutes) (Global rating of 2.58/5)"
Imagine willingly listening to this in your spare time. Not OK. 1/5
Soft Cell
3/5
One of the bands that didn't deserve their cosmic punishment of only being known as a one hit wonder, because truth be told, there's at least three good songs on here. I wouldn't call it a "Non-Stop Erotic Cabaret", as there were some flaccid moments here and there, but over all an enjoyable experience.
The Velvet Underground
2/5
Lou Reed plays a cantaloupe on this one. "The Gift" to be specific. That's real, you can Google it.
IDK, I think this is their most boring album. It's noisy, but not in an exciting way. They play some regular 60s rock that's mixed so low you can barely make out the lyrics, and once in a while Lou Reed comes in with a very distorted guitar. Marvel at their genius.
Eh, it was cool in 1968 at least.
The Jesus And Mary Chain
2/5
Sounds like more distorted Pulp. Eh. Not a very exciting or memorable shoegaze record, if you can even classify this as shoegaze.
Maybe something to come back to later because I barely remember any song from it.
Magazine
5/5
One of my favorite albums from one of my favorite genres. You love to see it.
Only 9 songs and 40 minutes and no dull moment to be found. "Definitive Gaze", "Motorcade", "Parade", and of course "Shot By Both Sides" and "The Light Pours Out Of Me". It makes me want to clap my feet together like a baby. Nutbuster Ultimate.
The better proggy post-punk 70s album between this and Marquee Moon, although I owe Marquee Moon an apology for giving it a 2/5 and calling it "generic" - I was a stupid ass.
New Order
3/5
I guess the natural evolution of Joy Division would have been something like this even with Ian Curtis on board.
A cute synthpop album. No longer any goth energy to be found, and you're left with something even the hoes can dance to.
I don't fully get why this is on the list instead of "Power Corruption and Lies" though. Strong 3/5.
Malcolm McLaren
1/5
Bozo ass music. I want to shove this album in a locker and force it to do my homework.
Oh, Eminem sampled this? Alright cool, guess that makes it worthy of being one of the 1001 albums you have to hear before you die. Thanks Robert Dimery.
John Lee Hooker
2/5
He ain't the healer!! Man casted a slow yet deadly Poison spell on me that costs 30 mana points, be wary!!
Big Brother & The Holding Company
4/5
Janis Joplin's vocals are a "you either love it or you hate it" kind of deal. I personally love them, but I won't blame anyone who thinks they're ear-grating.
In my opinion, this is up there with Led Zeppelin's debut as one of the best blues rock albums of all time.
Lovely listen.
Pet Shop Boys
2/5
"What if Depeche Mode was really really boring"
My reaction to this album is the right guy's face. Why do these guys have 3 whole albums on this list?
Sufjan Stevens
5/5
There is no such thing as "the best album of all time", because of how subjective music is. That being said, I don't know why, but this album feels like if there ever was an "objectively best album", this is the closest we've come to it so far.
I wouldn't even call this my favorite album of all time, because I don't really share a deep emotional bond with it as opposed to albums like "The Holy Bible" by Manic Street Preachers or "Animals" by Pink Floyd, but I can't find a single flaw in it.
All songs are beautiful and heartfelt both musically and lyrically, there are exactly 0 filler moments, Sufjan, the Illinoismaker Choir and all the backing vocalists have voices of angels.
There's songs that will make you cry, there's songs that will make you dance, there's songs with song titles longer than the Constitution.
Man. Sorry for gushing so much.
I could probably go to an uncontacted Amazon tribe, play "Chicago" to them, and they would love it.
Gonna have to give this album the rare 6/5. I'm 532 albums in and this is the best one so far, save for maybe "Wish You Were Here".
Morrissey
2/5
Last time this generator gave me a Morrissey record, the Queen died the very same day. I'm interested to see what huge historical event happens today.
The Smiths slap, but Morrissey's solo career is bland as rice cakes.
Historical Event Update: Okay, so the Russians blew up a Ukrainian dam and caused "the largest European man-made disaster in decades". This is your fault, Morrissey.
The Jon Spencer Blues Explosion
4/5
Wait a second, this actually sort of slaps.
Completely distorted guitars? Screaming vocals? Random "glitches" where the audio goes 500% louder for a millisecond and blows your eardrums? Rooster sounds effects?!
Sign me the fuck up. A global rating of 2.55/5? Come on now, y'all just hate fun.
Never heard of Jon Spencer before, so this was a very cool find.
Rage Against The Machine
3/5
Sorry, but every Rage Against The Machine song sounds the exact same to me. It's all different variations on "Killing In The Name", "Bombtrack" or "Bulls on Parade" with slightly different words being said.
I don't care about American politics, so to me the lyrics just sound like edgy teen "fuck the system!!" shit written by somebody who's all words and no actions. A spoiled college student angry that his part-time job at McDonalds doesn't earn him enough money to buy a Nintendo Switch.
War is bad. Police brutality is bad. No shit. Want a cookie?
Now write an album about dinosaurs and cool laser swords. That's never been done before.
John Lennon
3/5
On this album, John Smellon goes monkey mode. Just full on primal vine-swinging Donkey Kong Barrel Blast™ monkey mode. Guest starring the Cookie Monster.
"I was the Walrus, but now I'm John" - Factually untrue, the Official Lore clearly states that the Walrus was Paul.
His best post-Beatles album, but that's not a very high bar, innit. Extra marks for no "Imagine" at least.
Also obligatory: https://i.imgur.com/XoPXrdJ.jpeg
What a silly guy, I bet his domestic life was completely uncontroversial.
Tim Buckley
4/5
Love me some Buckley (both of 'em).
A really beautiful record and a nice stepping stone between the medieval folky "Goodbye and Hello" and the avantgarde skullfuck that is "Starsailor".
Weird how instead of finishing one of the most interesting artistic evolutions in musical history, the writers of this book picked "Greetings From L.A." as the third Tim Buckley pick instead of the aforementioned "Starsailor" (or "Lorca", I guess).
Sorry for the tangent. This album is a strong 4/5. One of the best voices in folk rock.
Sam Cooke
4/5
Bumps in the whip.
Janet Jackson
4/5
I have come to the horrifying realization that I really like Janet Jackson's music.
This is what the manliest man in the gym is listening to on his headphones. Eat raw steak with your bare hands, chug the nastiest, bitterest beer and put on "Rhythm Nation" like a real man, pussy.
Ghostface Killah
3/5
Pretty fun, but I want to fight the evil wizard forcing hip hop artists to stretch their albums to 70 minutes and break his hex.
Stop with the skits, my guy. Please.
Leonard Cohen
3/5
Leonard Cohen is just Bob Dylan but without the horrible harmonica and a better voice.
Not the best album of his that I've heard, but it's still nice and chill.
Meat Puppets
2/5
I know these guys from Nirvana's MTV Unplugged show.
Jesus, this is crazy. A bit too crazy. Not a fan of the vocals at all. Too many throwaway songs, but I enjoyed the ones that Nirvana covered.
Sorry to report that I didn't like this. I was going in with high hopes and generally like noise, but I just didn't click with it, I guess. Maybe something to return to later.
R.E.M.
2/5
False advertising. Wasn't very green.
Randy Newman
3/5
The people calling "Rednecks" a racist song failed first-grade listening comprehension.
Pretty funny little album. Not something I would personally ever return to, but it's definitely in the best quarter of country albums I've heard.
I keep expecting him to start singing "You Got a Friend In Me".
Duran Duran
4/5
Okay so maybe some cheesy 80s synthpop is good. I especially really like the last two songs that go for a darker song. "The Chauffeur" might be one of the best songs of the 80s.
The Byrds
1/5
There are so many things I'd rather be doing than listening to the Byrds' country album, including but not limited to committing arson and getting a prostate exam.
Dogwater.
I can't think of a more boring and vanilla band than The Byrds. They might be influential in pioneering the folk rock genre or whatever, but they're the ultimate "product of its time" band that has zero appeal to modern ears. They just didn't stick in the same way that The Beatles, The Beach Boys or even The Kinks did. Have you ever met a hardcore Byrds fan younger than 50?
I don't get why these guys have 5 albums on this list - "Mr. Tambourine Man" is understandable at least, but anything else is mega overkill.
Wilco
3/5
How to trick people into thinking your album is a masterpiece:
1. Record a generic alt-country album;
2. Add glitchy distortion and cool spaceship sound effects to some songs;
3. Watch as music critics laud you as the second coming of Jesus Christ himself.
It's a cute album with some great songs ("Jesus, Etc." my beloved), but one of the best albums of all time? I don't think so, buster. More of a 7/10 in my book.
Jeff Tweedy is a really boring singer.
Scott Walker
4/5
This is great. As a fellow annoying whiner, I can always enjoy a nice old whiny album.
Leonard Cohen but by a guy that looks like Han Solo. Gotta love it.
My Bloody Valentine
5/5
Not beating the pretentious allegations with this one.
808 State
3/5
This sounds like that one Spongebob episode where Squidward goes to the future and everything is shiny and chrome.
It's cheesy and parts of it remind me of intros for old nature documentaries about fish with really bad CGI, but I actually liked it quite a bit.
The Band
2/5
Boring old people music. I come here solely for albums of German people smashing metal plates together, not this "country rock" stuff or whatever.
"The Weight" in question is the weight of my fucking balls, get fucked idiot, more like Music From Big Ass. 2/5
Bill Callahan
4/5
Sad cowboy folk? A much more interesting take on the country genre than the fifty "yeehaw pardner we don't like yer kind in Tennessee (banjo solo)" albums I've had to listen to.
Reminds me of Nick Cave's "Ghosteen". They both even have a horse in an ethereal environment on the cover.
Yeah, I really like this. 4/5
Slipknot
3/5
The whole thing, I think, is sick.
Eh. It's fine. This type of nu metal works best in short bursts (40 minutes max for an album - System of a Down are perfect at this), because after a while everything starts blending together and you're left with a bunch of songs of being yelled at about pussy warts or whatever, and it gets old.
What I'm saying is that this album is good but repetitive and way too long. It's still probably their best album experience over all. Slipknot's more of a "put the singles in your workout playlist"-kind of band, and that's completely fine, because their singles slap hard.
Christina Aguilera
1/5
Twisted and evil album. A true glimpse into the wicked mind of Christina Aguilera, best known for being one of the voice actors in the 2017 hit classic "The Emoji Movie".
Shit's fucked. No way to unfuck it.
Eminem
2/5
Haha my name is Eminem. Pee pee, poo poo, farts and pussy (repeat for 50 minutes).
He's got the Dr. Seuss "One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish" flow and it gets annoying fast.
Not funny, not even that "offensive", just boring. Aged horribly. Get in the locker.
Gram Parsons
2/5
I still refuse to believe that Country is a popular enough genre to justify having about 50 entries on this list. Imagine all the cool Asian, African and Eastern European albums they could have put on there instead.
Not the worst album I've ever heard, but.. come on man. Imagine dying and your last words being "My only regret in life is that I never got to hear that 1974 Gram Parsons album". You're banished from the omniverse, old man.
Also negative points for making me think that this was going to be something cool, because the title "Grievous Angel" is metal as fuck. Foiled again.
Carpenters
2/5
This is how it feels to drink milk as a lactose-intolerant person.
Fatboy Slim
3/5
Yeah speaking of fat people, this really just feels like a slimmed down (ha) version of "The Fat Of The Land" by The Prodigy.
Every other Big Beat album pales in comparison to the funny crab album, sorry to say.
The most interesting thing about this album is the cover. Who is that man? Is he 15 or 50? Is he still alive? If yes, why didn't he reveal his identity even after Norman Cook wanted to send him money?
The Monks
4/5
Just a few GI bros casually inventing punk rock over 10 years before the actual punk movement started.
This is literally the coolest shit ever. This is the musical equivalent of those 10th century Swahili coins that were somehow discovered in Australia and nobody knows how they got there.
These guys were doing this since 1965, predating both The Beatles' Revolver and The Beach Boys' Pet Sounds.
That's the power of the bros gettin jiggy with it together.
The Streets
1/5
This is not even rap at this point. This is just a British man talking over GTA loading screen music.
One of the worst things I've ever heard. 1/5 is too generous, please change my rating to "Banished to the Shadow Realm". Thank you.
Talk Talk
4/5
Weird choice for a Talk Talk album when "Laughing Stock" and "Spirit of Eden" exist, but alright.
Still good though, like really good even, but kind of seems like Robert Dimery choosing his personal favorite over the objectively more influential choice.
"Living in Another World" is one of the best songs of all time.
Peter Gabriel
5/5
Peter "Goblin Summoner" Gabriel coming in with another album, and it's probably my favorite of his.
I love this silly guy. He seems very capable of casting evil spells and debuffs, but he uses his powers for good.
I can definitely imagine Peter Gabriel sitting on a comically oversized boulder with dancing gnomes circling him like he's their nourishing mother (the nourishment being sweet tunes).
I really enjoyed it. It's a 5/5.
The Modern Lovers
2/5
An exceptionally okay record that made me feel completely no emotions, positive or negative.
This is the second album I've had this week that claims to be "the origin of punk", and I definitely enjoyed "Black Monk Time" way more than this. Plus it was released 10 years before this, so I think it has the tighter alibi.
2Pac
2/5
Every song sounds the same. The beats are very underwhelming and the flow is dated.
Ugh. Yet another hip hop album that's way too long for its own good.
Stevie Wonder
3/5
Stevie's most OK album. It's still good of course, but it's not Innervisions or Songs in the Key of Life.
I like the funkier side of his music more than this soft one, and this one just has too many softies on it. Sorry for being a heathen.
Le Tigre
4/5
This sounds like if you put X-Ray Spex in a pressure cooker and I will not elaborate further.
More proof that women are better at punk than men.
Napalm Death
3/5
Well I wouldn't exactly call this great or anything I'd listen to in my free time, but I got a lot of enjoyment out of it, because it's funny as fuck and never boring.
This is basically like baby sensory play for metalheads.
Focus on the funny noises.
This is the noise a bear makes.
What is this one?
Right, that's a duck! You're a smart cookie, Xthipsthorfth the Scourge!
Definitely doesn't deserve to be one of the lowest rated albums on this site when you have dogshit pig slop like that Kid Rock album as well.
Ali Farka Touré
2/5
As much as I wish this list had more World music, this album just didn't do anything for me.
A very chill album. Too chill. Boringly chill.
Radiohead
5/5
This album could just be "Jigsaw Falling Into Place" followed by two hours of fart sounds and it would still be a 5/5.
Fugazi
4/5
This feels like God himself came down from Heaven with the blueprint for the greatest album of all time in his hand, but got mugged and the blueprint ended up in the hands of a drunk crackhead.
The music fucking sucks ass, but in a good way. I don't know how that works.. it just does.
Robert Wyatt
1/5
Phrases like "pretentious artsy bullshit" should be saved for albums like this and not stuff like Throbbing Gristle, The Residents or Captain Beefheart, because those are just people having fun with stupid goofy sounds.
This is an album that was specifically designed at a business meeting to be ART. Robert Wyatt rolled into the studio with the preconceived notion that he'd be making ART for NERDS. It doesn't feel genuine or real. It's like if you told an AI to "write a 10/10 album that music magazine reviewers can jerk themselves off to".
"Oh you don't get it, the fact that he's singing off-key over the blandest instrumentals known to man is actually a profoundly intricate dadaistic subversion of rhythmical tropes crafted with meticulous attention"-SHUT UP NERD, GET IN THE LOCKER
"The Wire named Shleep its record of the year in its annual critics' poll." Yeah, of course it did.
Genuinely psychopath music. Listen to Kidz Bop instead like a real man. 0/10.
Emmylou Harris
2/5
I swear, there's so much country on this list that I'm going to have this godforsaken genre in my Spotify Wrapped, and people will throw cans at me and laugh.
Is that an unedited image of her on the album cover? She looks like a mannequin of a tree spirit, and I mean that as an utmost genuine compliment.
Okay, so do country artists ever write their own songs or is the whole genre just a circulating mass of 30 different songs to cover? This is probably the third time I've had to listen to "Coat of Many Colors", and if I had something nice to say about this, it's probably the best version I've heard so far. Certainly better than having to listen to Dolly Parton's Spongebob laugh-ass voice.
Who cares. 2/5
Bob Dylan
2/5
Early Bob Dylan. This only means one thing - I'm about to have my ears blown out by the loudest harmonica known to man, causing life-long tinnitus.
...Okay so this was just more generic Country. I was tricked into listening to Country again. God damn it, Robert Allen Zimmerman.
Public Image Ltd.
3/5
Unhinged clown music by psychos and for psychos.
A tad bit TOO crazy, but I still enjoyed it a lot.
The Smiths
4/5
First of all, obligatory "Fuck Morrissey" and "Haha I'm eating a steak while listening to this" remarks.
I think this is the weakest of their four studio albums. It feels less like a cohesive experience and more like just some songs thrown together. It's the Smiths though, so the songs are still really good.
"The Headmaster Ritual" and "Barbarism Begins At Home" are peak.
Weak 4/5.
Siouxsie And The Banshees
3/5
I see that this week's theme is "Weaker albums by my favorite artists".
Very influential record, but "Juju" and "Tinderbox" exist and blow it out of the water.
Why is the foot on the cover so big.
Manic Street Preachers
5/5
A disturbing and brutal masterpiece - my favorite album of all time.
I'm not very good at writing sincere positive reviews, so I'll just say that I love every song on here.
I recommend reading up on Richey Edwards before listening to this. It might seem like an album written by a whiny edgelord at first, but you'll understand that it's essentially a broken man's suicide note.
The lyrical structures might not be for everyone. There's not many rhymes here and at times it feels like the singer is really struggling to make the lyrics fit. (Big props to James Dean Bradfield for somehow making it all work).
I think it adds to the brutality of the whole experience. There isn't much to latch on structurally, so you're just kind of on a bumpy ride to Fuckville, or whatever. It's like reading a block of text with no punctuation in musical form. (And pretty sure that's how they printed the lyrics as well)
I'm rambling here. I don't even know what half of the words I just wrote mean, so I'll stop now before I get super obnoxiously pretentious.
Listen to this damn album, man. Stop reading the reviews, MICHAEL.
A big ol' 10/10.
Cat Stevens
5/5
Well that was absolutely lovely.
This could very well be the most objectively good album I've ever heard. I can't even think of any flaws anyone could find in it. I think you have to be an actual psychopath to hate this (finding it boring is acceptable).
Two 5/5s in a row? Shit, maybe this "music" thing ain't so bad after all.
Björk
1/5
If Björk had been born 40 years later, she would be a TikTok livestreamer. She's the first quirky girl and her biggest sin is not realizing how ungodly boring she is.
"What if I put FL Studio glitch sound effects into my songs?" Wow. Never been done before. Björk is truly an experimental visionary.
She's been doing the same thing since "Homogenic" in 1997 and music critics have been eating it up, because they have a special dictionary where the word "Experimentation" is defined as: "noun - the act of mumbling over video game pause music".
I don't even think she cares about music anymore. Her albums are just an excuse for her to dress up in wacky costumes for the cover.
The Cars
2/5
More inoffensive new wave in a sea of inoffensive new wave. Another album to add to the "I'll never think about this ever again" pile.
Stephen Stills
2/5
Music for people who clap when an airplane lands.
Neil Young is Mario, David Crosby is Luigi, and Stephen Stills is Toad. I will not elaborate further, but there are mountains of factual evidence to support my claim.
Four albums featuring this guy on a list like this is insanity. That's like four crusty phone videos by your drunk neighbor Ted on a "1001 Movies You Must See Before You Die" list.
Minutemen
3/5
This is a pretty good album.
I don't get to complain about album length after giving a 5/5 to "69 Love Songs", but I'll say that I'd like more diversity in the songs. They all started to blend together halfway through and there weren't any curveballs that broke up the flow as with "69 Love Songs".
I'm probably going to listen to this again, get completely hooked, and then regret this rating, but a 3/5 for a first listen.
The Louvin Brothers
1/5
I don't know how to properly put this into words, but listening to this album with ADHD feels like getting suffocated.
Joan Baez
2/5
I have no opinion on this, because I could barely pay attention to it without falling asleep. Absolutely not my kind of music, but at least it didn't assault my ears.
Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds
4/5
Personally, I would have survived in these situations.
A bunch of ballads about murder (shocker) from everybody's favorite Australian Disney villain.
It always sucks when the worst song is also the longest song. There is no reason why "O'Malley's Bar" had to be 14 minutes long. Thankfully, that's the only stinker on the album, and the rest is really solid.
Nick Cave's got one of the best voices in music. Can't get enough of that scary gremlin. Wouldn't want to meet him in a dark alley though.
Mike Ladd
3/5
This had to have been a mistake.
- "Hey put that one 2000 underground hip hop album with electronic influences on the list"
- "Oh, you mean the Mike Ladd album?"
- "No, I mean Deltron 3030 you fucking idiot. Who the hell is Mike Ladd?"
- "Whoops, too late. I accidentally put the Mike Ladd one. Can't be undone."
How did they even dig this up? I can barely find any info on it on the Internet. It doesn't even have the album cover on Wikipedia, the songs barely have 10k plays on Spotify and the entire album has only 300 ratings on RateYourMusic (about 3 times less than that one album that's just an hour of porn recordings).
Okay, this was pretty alright I guess. It's definitely no Deltron 3030, but I'm still glad I got to listen to it.
A bit too bloated and long. The rapping parts aren't as good as the atmospheric parts - good thing they spend a considerable time exploring those cool soundscapes, because that's when the album is at its best. This whole thing should have just been an ambient trip-hop album. Man's not a very good rapper.
Baaba Maal
2/5
I'm going to take a wild guess and say that this isn't one of the most important African albums of all time.
I'm going to take another wild guess and say that the writers of this book don't know a lot about African music in general, so they just randomly picked a bunch of albums for diversity sake.
Otis Redding
2/5
I always feel like a douchebag when I give one of these albums by a smooth gentleman a low score, but I just don't enjoy this kind of music.
Echo And The Bunnymen
2/5
I do like me some vaguely-gothic post-punk once in a while, but I don't get Echo & The Bunnymen. They're a diet version of The Cure that suck at song diversity.
I've now heard two entire albums by these guys and the only song I remember is "The Killing Moon" off of "Ocean Rain". Everything else blends together into very middle-of-the-road goop of 80s post-punk clichés.
Happy to hear that the dog from Family Guy did photography for this album as well.
Oh yeah, and speaking of Porcupines, I recently learned that there are no Porcupine Tree albums on this entire list. That's gotta be a crime.
KISS
1/5
I can't believe KISS was ever considered a heavy band corrupting the youth with their demonic metal. This shit sounds like Christmas music. Hair metal ages in dog years.
None of these guys are particularly talented. They're a marketing brand that just so happened to start as a music group. It's like listening to "Hello Kitty - The Album".
TV On The Radio
3/5
This is pretty cool, despite being another album with absolutely zero cultural impact, that was dragged out of the deepest pits of hell and put onto this list by demon king Beelzebub himself.
A very "it's the middle of the night and I'm on an empty highway"-kind of album. I dig the aesthetic. Haven't heard anything quite like this.
Interesting listen overall. Glad I gave it a chance.
Kraftwerk
4/5
There's a constantly nagging part of my brain that can only be satisfied by listening to German people repeat the same three words for half an hour.
Probably Kraftwerk's best album. As always, listen to the German version over the English version.
Super Furry Animals
4/5
Oh, this is some crazy ass shit. I was expecting britpop, but I got literally every single genre ever conceived in the history of humanity rolled into one album. Their song diversity game is undefeated. It's like the album itself has ADHD.
Strong 4/5.
Portishead
5/5
Fungus music. James Bond music, but infected by The Spores™ (imagine Daniel Craig, but with a giant fungus on his head, ala Toad from Mario).
If there's ever a spy movie where the titular spy has to frolic through a mushroom cavern (The Gloomy Grotto), this would be the perfect album for background music.
This album's beautiful in a similar way that mold is beautiful. Ever seen a cool piece of mold? This album's a really cool piece of mold.
The Terrifying Toadstool of Tokyo shall consume us all. Five outta five.
Van Morrison
3/5
Why is he singing like he just had a tooth extraction and half of his mouth is anesthetized.
It's fine. Can't say I'm a fan of his voice, but I enjoyed some songs.
Pink Floyd
5/5
Water is wet.
Love
4/5
Me and the boys going to random whimsical places around the world to pose near cool rocks for our album cover.
This album is awesome. If this is by far the worse album between this and "Forever Changes", I'm really excited for the latter one.
If there are any lovers of obscure videogames that are confused where they recognize the outro of "Seven and Seven Is" from, it's the victory theme from Space Funeral. You're welcome, I was racking my brain trying to figure that out all day.
Ms. Dynamite
2/5
Nobody has listened to this album outside the context of this book since like 2006.
Snoozefest. I have nothing meaningful to say about this. Next album.
Ramblin' Jack Elliott
2/5
If they ever trap me inside a metal crate I want this album to be playing in the sped-up montage of me slowly losing my mind.
Is this a real album or was poor old Ramblin' Jack Elliott recorded without consent by his next-door neighbor? I feel like I'm in a college dorm having to listen to a guy practice guitar at 3AM.
Wanna throw canned beans at him. 2/5
Christina Aguilera
2/5
MORE? There's TWO Christina Aguilera albums on this list? She's not going to fuck you, my guy. This is apparently the better one though, so whatever.
It's more R&B. As always, way too damn long. Nobody should be listening to R&B for over an hour at a time. That's the musical equivalent of overdosing on sugar.
Disc 1 is an actual Tartarus punishment. I think I could get married and have 6 children by the time that slogfest wraps up.
Disc 2 is where Christina remembers that there's more to music than crooning ChatGPT prompt-ass lyrics over beats that are about as deep as a metronome. It opens with a weird circus song that reminded me I'm listening to a music album and not white noise, and then had a diverse streak of some nice songs. I really liked "Welcome" and "Hurt" especially.
0/5 for disc 1, 3/5 for disc 2. Over all a 2/5 experience that I will never return to in the 378 more years I plan to live on this Earth.
(Also this is my 600th album! I bitch and whine a lot, but it's been a fantastic journey so far. I'll miss this a lot when I'm done.)
The Pogues
4/5
This is so much fun. This entire album was probably injected by a comically large syringe labeled "FUN".
Craving some potatoes right now.
The only issue is that this album is too long. Just very slightly too long.
Pavement
2/5
I really like indie rock and noisy music, so I don't know why I can't take Pavement.
They sound like a headache to me, which is weird because I can listen to stuff like Sonic Youth, Lightning Bolt or even Einstürzende Neubauten no problem.
Richard Hawley
2/5
Sounds like an impression of Seth MacFarlane's impression of Frank Sinatra. Like something they'd play in Family Guy for a single gag.
People who listen to this in their free time are scarier to me than people who listen to harsh noise wall.
Too many words. Here's my reaction summed up in three emojis: 😴😴😴
William Orbit
1/5
We should take all 90s English Electronica (except Massive Attack) and burn it like Fahrenheit 451. Hunt all copies and any proof of existence, and go full pyromaniac on them.
Going "AaaAaaWoooOooAaaa" in your boring instrumental electronica doesn't make it more interesting or sophisticated.
"I listen to WORLD MUSIC" and then they put on crap like this. Grab a shovel man. Learn how to grow your own crops man.
Living Colour
3/5
"Cult of Personality" is a classic, but I thought most of this album was sort of forgettable. Not bad at all, but not something I'd ever return to.
I respect this a whole lot more than a bunch of other 80s rock. You can tell these guys have passion, unlike bands like Kiss and AC/DC.
Joanna Newsom
4/5
Björk but good. Really good, god damn. I wasn't expecting to like this but I was completely enchanted. This sounds like something you'd hear a Disney princess singing.
Seems like her voice is a bit controversial from reading the other reviews, but I like it. I get that the weird bird yelp she sometimes does can be kind of jarring at first though.
Very talented! Glad I listened to this. Definitely doesn't deserve the low global rating (2.72 as of writing this review) - should be above a 3 at the very least!
Dinosaur Jr.
5/5
This album sounds like sewer sludge. In a good way, of course.
I don't know why my brain enjoys when the audio quality sounds like total shit. Helen Keller on the mixing serving up straight fire 🔥
5/5 and I will not elaborate further.
Tito Puente
3/5
Fun, but I'm too dead inside for this kind of music.
Tracy Chapman
2/5
Yeah this isn't my sort of music. I've grown to like folk rock music, but this kind of "gather 'round the campfire" folk is nothing but background noise to me.
If the main driving force behind the album is the lyrics, you can count me and my ADHD out (unless your name is Joanna Newsom, because I have a strange obsession with goofy medieval music).
Randy Newman
2/5
This album will come in handy once my insomnia starts acting up again.
I can't take this guy's music seriously. I keep expecting "You've Got A Friend In Me" to start playing.
Cowboy Junkies
2/5
I'm fighting for my life, man. This is the third extremely slow folk album I've had in a row.
Begging on my knees for the generator to bless me with anything exciting.
I will not waste my finger joints on a deep analysis of "The Trinity Session" by a band named Cowboy Junkies. Here's an image of a fucked up eagle instead: https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/002/454/854/8f9.jpg
John Mayall & The Bluesbreakers
3/5
Clapton's a man worthy of being boiled in a comically large witch's cauldron, but thankfully they shoved his ass into a corner and told him to be a good little boy and only play the guitar (which he's only adequately good at).
The album itself is fine. If I'm ever craving extremely consistently "alright" music, this would be my go-to.
Talking Heads
4/5
This is easily their best album by several orders of magnitude.
Going all in with the afrobeat influence and toning down David Byrne's annoying mumbling makes this the only Talking Heads I can listen to without wanting to rip off my ears!
"The Great Curve" is absolutely the best song of their discography. Sometimes I think the only reason people like "Once in a Lifetime" more is because of the great music video. They're both amazing songs though. In fact, all of the first 4 songs are masterpieces.
Album takes a nosedive into the shadow realm in the second half though. "Houses in Motion" is boring, but fret not, because "Seen and not Seen" is even more boring! How about three boring tracks in a row? The Talking Heads have you covered - four boring tracks in a row, take it or leave it!
It's more of the generic Talking Heads bullshit that I've had to endure two entire albums of ("77" and "Fear of Music"). Boo. Get the funk back on.
That makes this album really hard to rate. If this was just the first half, it would easily be one of my favorite albums of all time and a clear ten outta ten. Adding the second half into the equation drops this to something like a 7/10.
Gonna listen to Fela Kuti's "Zombie" for the hundredth time now.
Milton Nascimento
4/5
This is honestly so cool. Been a while since I've gotten a foreign album that's not only culturally relevant, but also good as hell. You win this time, Robert Dimery.
Mj Cole
2/5
These motherfucking hour long Playstation 1 demo disc ass albums. Crappy UK House garbage that nobody has listened to outside the context of this book in the last decade.
Why are there so many of these shitty electronic albums on this list. Do people actually listen to this slop, or is this a part of some large underground conspiracy? Stay vigilant people, the mole people are real.
Radiohead
5/5
This is my favorite Radiohead album, because I'm basic like that. While I think that OK Computer is the obviously better album, I have a stronger connection to this one.
"Street Spirit (Fade Out)" and "Just" are both in my Top 5 most played songs of all time according to Last.fm. Definitely a no skip album, just an amazing trip from the first to the last song.
The Mamas & The Papas
2/5
"California Dreamin'" plus 11 of the most generic 60s pop songs known to man. I don't recall anything from this album and I listened to it 3 hours ago. Who cares. 2/5
The Stone Roses
4/5
Proto Britpop with some surprisingly shoegazey elements. I can fuck with it. A bit middle-loaded (is that a term?), but picks itself back up with the last few songs.
I'm an absolute sucker for this kind of music, what can I say. 4/5. Will definitely listen to this again.
Pixies
3/5
I don't get it, I'm afraid :(
On paper, this should be a perfect album for me - loud, crunchy sounds, yelling random shit into a microphone that sounds like it was bought at a Tesco clearance sale and it's all only 38 minutes long (the perfect album length)!
I'm just kind of underwhelmed by it all. It's not bad or anything, but I don't hear the "best alt rock album of all time" thing so many people seem to be hearing.
Most songs blended together except for "Here Comes Your Man", "Monkey Gone To Heaven" and "Gouge Away" which were fantastic. Gonna go with a weak 3/5.
Arcade Fire
3/5
Their most OK album. Not anywhere close to "Funeral" and "The Suburbs" in my opinion.
Arcade Fire is so good at making their songs sound nostalgic though. I don't know how they do it, but it's always really cool.
Deep Purple
3/5
Deep Purple might be the most generic 70s metal band, but jeez sometimes you need a palate cleanser like this to remember that generic doesn't equal bad.
A bit samey, but not in an annoying way. "Child in Time" was especially great, really wasn't expecting it to go full on prog rock.
Gonna go with a 3/5, not as good as "Machine Head" but still a nice listen.
Neil Young & Crazy Horse
3/5
This is the seventh album starring Neil Young that I've had so far. That is way too much Neil Young for a lifetime. Best album by him so far though. "My My, Hey Hey (Out of the Blue)" is probably gonna be the only song by Neil Young that I'll actually remember after I'm done with this project.
Also put your music back on Spotify you old miserable geezer. Listening to music on Youtube feels degrading somehow.
Joe Ely
1/5
Fuck off. No more country.
Let's be real here - NOBODY listens to country music. We should stop treating it like a major music genre. It makes a lot of money? It's a huge industry? Third most popular genre in America? Nope. All fake. Conspiracy. Money laundering. Paid actors.
Thought this book was British. There's really no need to pretend you care about this, Robert Dimery.
Dexys Midnight Runners
2/5
Yeah and no more British 80s new wave as well. Unless you lost your virginity to Dexys Midnight Runners, there is no reason to put three of their albums on this list.
Rice cake for my ears. Blandest shit ever made.
M.I.A.
4/5
How did she sample the candy that pops in your mouth on "Banana - Skit". I thought my headphones were breaking.
This is awesome. I'm going to steal the top negative review, because I agree with it, but not in the intended way:
An album where every song is a seizure. Hell yeah it is, and it SLAPS. I want my brain to be turned into mush with experimentation and crazy sounds.
Thundercat
2/5
This whole album feels like being stuck in the Loading Screen Dimension. I was in a trance, barely paying any attention to this album, until the guy said "I think I'm Kenshiro, I think I'm Goku" and I had to triple-check the lyrics.
Brian Wilson
2/5
Spongebob music. I keep forgetting this is an actual genre of music and not just something you put in a movie opening to symbolize a happy day.
Joni Mitchell
3/5
Pretty good Joni. Didn't click as much as "Blue" did, but it was still an enjoyable experience. Now put your music back on Spotify, because I feel like a dirty peasant when I have to listen to music on Youtube.
Turbonegro
2/5
What in Halo: Combat Evolved skateboard dorito chip is this shit and why is it on the list.
Listening to the whole album on Spotify seems like the wrong way to consume this. I should be listening to crusty MIDIs of these songs while looking at a GIF of a flaming skull on an old GeoCities site.
I love dumb music, but this is sadly kind of boring. Wasting such perfect song names like "Rendezvous with Anus" on a bootleg The Hives track.
Bebel Gilberto
3/5
Best Gilberto family album so far. More bossa nova, which I'm not the biggest fan of, but with a slight tinge of trip hop which kept it interesting throughout.
Surprisingly interesting and tragic backstory on this one as well.
Heaven 17
3/5
Thought this would be more dogshit 80s synthpop with zero cultural relevance.
I was wrong, this is actually pretty good 80s synthpop with zero cultural relevance.
Shit, there might actually be something wrong with my music taste, because every time I like an album in a genre I don't usually care for and check the global rating, it's always at something like 2.66/5.
Dagmar Krause
1/5
It's no secret that this album is fucking impossible to find anywhere. It's not even simply unavailable like other albums ("Ys" by Joanna Newsom or Neil Young's entire catalogue), there's literally no proof of this album's existence on any streaming service. How does that even happen? Sure as hell wouldn't happen if this were actually good.
I sure listened to something. Found a weird Youtube playlist that was missing 14 of the 26 songs. Eh, I guess it was enough to form an opinion. Strange German circus music about war being bad. Truly a thinking man's album.
There's some picks on this list that can only be explained by my theory that Robert Dimery consults a Magic 8-Ball. This is one of them. I can't even wrap my head around how this would be on anyone's "most essential albums of all time" list.
1/5 for shitty music and 1/5 for ruining my Spotify playlist where I put the best song from every album on this list. I cast the Curse of Ra upon thee, Dagmar Krause. 𓀀 𓀁 𓀂 𓀃 𓀄 𓀅 𓀆 𓀇 𓀈 𓀉
The Electric Prunes
3/5
At this point I'm more impressed to learn that a psychedelic rock album from the late 60s DIDN'T make this list.
It's not bad and "Onie" was beautiful, but come on now.
Ramones
3/5
Most songs sound the same and it hasn't aged the best, but it's still pretty fun.
By the way, listen to the Spotify 40th anniversary mono mixes. They sound so much better than the regular 2016 remasters.
The Mothers Of Invention
4/5
Hi Boys and Girls, I'm Jimmy Carl Black, and I'm the Indian of the group.
We the people demand more albums that sound like they were made by insane people locked in a steel shack with dwindling supplies. Song structure, choruses, catchy melodies - all of that is for weak babies. Dip your LP into hydrochloric acid and gargle mayonnaise, pussy. This is the real world.
Buzzcocks
2/5
I have become numb to punk albums featuring 4 black-haired British dudes looking at you on the cover.
There's better stuff out there. Didn't hate it though.
Queen Latifah
2/5
Ehhhh. Not my favorite type of hip hop. The beats sound very dated and I thought the whole thing dragged on for too long.
Definitely not the worst album ever made though.
Youssou N'Dour
3/5
Background music, but at least I can pretend to be very intelligent while listening to it.
Never heard of this guy, but he's apparently won every single award ever conceived and is considered one of the most famous African artists of all time, so good for him!
Guided By Voices
4/5
This is honestly really cool. I'm a fan of weird indie. Reminds me of a much shorter version of "69 Love Songs".
The songs drastically vary in quality with some being downright dogshit, but I think that's part of the album's charm in a strange way. No idea where I recognize "My Valuable Hunting Knife" from.
Eminem
3/5
Splinkady-dinkady-doo uhhh my name is Eminem. Orange, blorange, four inch, door hinge, I fucked (sex) and came (penis), this woman is a slut (bitch) and doo doo feces (caca). Please clap.
Look how edgy this album is! Here, have another skit about how edgy this album is! Hey, did you know that they won't play this album on the radio?
Has some undeniable bangers though. I can't hate on "Stan" and "The Real Slimy Shady".
Bonnie "Prince" Billy
5/5
Whoa this is not what I expected from that album cover. It reminds me of Johnny Cash's later work, but with vaguely Thom Yorke-ish vocals.
I have a strange obsession with extremely gloomy and depressing music, so this is right up my alley.
Okay yeah, this is incredible. Instantly fell in love with it after my first listen. Easy 5/5.
Prince
3/5
Prince invents Final Fantasy Chocobo music and talks about sex a lot.
There are zero reasons for this to be over 70 minutes long.
It might be fun, but do you know what's also fun? Huffing lead paint.
Really makes you think.
Donovan
3/5
Donovan strikes me as a guy capable of turning you into a newt, so I don't want to anger him by giving his album anything lower than a 3/5.
I can excuse some late 60s psychedelic pop. Especially if it vaguely sounds like weird Renaissance fair music. Shoutouts to my man Tim Buckley.
Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds
4/5
Well, well, well, if it ain't big man Nick himself yet again. Love this scary guy. This is the fifth album I've had featuring him and so far every single one has been a 4/5. Gonna go with the same score this time.
Sidenote: Weird that there's so many Nick Cave albums on this list, yet none of them are his pepperoni-nipped biggest record "Let Love In". That one would have been a big old 5/5.
The Soft Boys
3/5
Shat my pants when I saw that the Spotify version was over 2 hours long, but thankfully the real album is only 30 minutes, so I just listened to the canon first 10 songs as I usually do.
I can definitely hear the influence this had on The Stone Roses and the Pixies, but it's pretty dated today. No song stood out to me that much, but none of them were bad either. A pretty middle of the road album. 3/5
Emerson, Lake & Palmer
2/5
Alright? This is a really weird album. ELP doing live covers of a Russian composer. It's extremely kitschy and spends too much time fiddling around, but still has its moments.
I can definitely hear the influence this had on Nobuo Uematsu, the composer of Final Fantasy, who was a huge fan of ELP. Several parts of this album sounded like they were taken right from the Final Fantasy VI soundtrack (compare the fourth movement of "Dancing Mad" to the Baba Yaga suite).
So basically what I'm saying is that this album is ass, but we can thank ELP and Modest Mussorgsky for directly causing the phenomenon of final boss battles in RPGs having insane orchestrated classical pieces as their theme song.
Check out Dancing Mad if you haven't (and read up on SNES audio chips). Also the Final Fantasy VI soundtrack is unironically a 5/5 masterpiece that would absolutely deserve a place on this list if video game soundtracks were allowed.
Bee Gees
1/5
A fate worse than death. A reality-bending fuckfest that claims to be 47 minutes long while actually lasting over 7 millennia. Musical equivalent of the Hyperbolic Time Chamber.
Machito
3/5
Started off really good, but then they basically played the same thing for 40 minutes straight. I can't tell you my favorite or least favorite songs, because everything blended together. It was a pretty good blend, but some diversity doesn't hurt.
Never heard of this guy before, but apparently he's super influential.
Nirvana
5/5
First of all, I want to apologize for giving "In Utero" a 4/5. I've eventually come to realize that it's a better album than this one, and that they're both 5/5s.
Defined a generation. Don't trust people who call it overrated - they're worms in disguise.
Every time I come back to this album, I find myself enjoying the abrasive songs like "Territorial Pissings" and "Endless, Nameless" more and more. "Smells Like Teen Spirit" is still a classic, but there's just something about Kurt Cobain screaming random words into my ear that scratches a weird part of my brain. That's probably why "Scentless Apprentice" is my favorite "In Utero" track.
Madonna
2/5
Music. It's indeed music.
The autotune on "Nobody's Perfect" makes me want to rip my ears out, jesus christ. Madonna can sing alright, what's the need?
The cover of "American Pie" wasn't as bad as they all say, but it's still probably classifiable as a warcrime in 162 countries around the world.
Brian Eno
3/5
Brian Eno goes fucking insane and slams his head into a keyboard, accidentally discovering the elusive "Brown Note" (frequency that causes you to shit uncontrollably).
This sounds like a David Bowie album that somebody put in a washing machine with the wrong settings. Super weird. Very impressive for 1974, but not something I'd listen to in my free time.
Marty Robbins
3/5
One of the things that's always bothered me about this album is the album cover. Why does he look like a low-polygon PlayStation 1 model? He's got the jagged edges and everything.
I genuinely wonder if people in 1959 took these songs seriously. Did they clutch their pearls and say "Oh my. Oh good heavens." as Marty Robbins sang about getting attacked by tumbleweed or some shit.
It's really hard to separate these songs from the memes today, which brings a different, unintended angle of enjoyment to this album.
One of the few times I stayed for the bonus tracks. 3/5
Ash
3/5
Thought this was another pick from the depths of hell that nobody has ever heard before, but I actually recognized like 3 songs on here.
British Weezer. Pretty fun.
Mott The Hoople
2/5
On this album, Mott The Hoople asks the brave question: "What if David Bowie was a slab of processed ham?"
That's the review. I got nothing. "All The Way From Memphis" was pretty good I guess.
The Saints
2/5
This is how it feels to drown in sewer sludge.
The Afghan Whigs
2/5
This sounds like a Nine Inch Nails album if you took out everything that makes NIN interesting.
Not a fan of the singer and that one song with female vocals was the highlight by a long shot.
Just really forgettable. Not much to say.
John Lennon
1/5
"Imagine" is literally the worst song anyone has ever written in the history of humankind, and it somehow manages to be the best song on this album.
Fuck you John Smellon. This is a Ringo Starr household.
There are many opinions I can tolerate, but if you tell me that John Lennon's solo career is good, I will fart in your general direction.
Mudhoney
3/5
A super short EP (6 songs long). No idea why they went for something like this instead of an actual LP, but alright.
It's pretty good. Obviously not a "full album experience" or anything - mostly just felt like listening to a super short grunge playlist. Not much substance or cohesion, but still packing some enjoyable tunes.
Paul Revere & The Raiders
3/5
The first track was incredible, but it was mostly downhill from there. Not bad, but it's no "Revolver" either.
Begging on my knees for the generator to bless me with something interesting, because I've been on a dry streak 🙏
Tom Tom Club
4/5
Oh this is Tina Weymouth's band. Finally an obscure weirdo pick that I'm familiar with.
I'm not a fan of the Talking Heads mostly because I can't stand David Byrne's stupid yelps, so taking them out and replacing them with pleasant female vocals makes for a good album. I think this is how Talking Heads sound like to Talking Heads fans and my brain is just worm-infected.
First two songs are amazing. "Genius of Love" might (semi-directly) be one of the most important songs of all time.
The 13th Floor Elevators
3/5
Arguably the first psychedelic rock album. Imagine how different life would be if this album never released. No Jimi Hendrix, no Pink Floyd, no Despacito, Al Gore wins in 2000. Really makes you think. Truly a modern man's album. The dividing line between the cockroach and the pesticide.
Nick Drake
4/5
I love Nick's music. One of the best singer-songwriters of all time, if not THE best.
All three of his albums are must listens in my opinion. This is probably his weakest one, but it's also probably the most accessible. Super lovely. Strong 4/5.
Creedence Clearwater Revival
2/5
As I listen to this, I slowly morph into a 60 year old guy named "Barry" that spends his time drinking with his friend group, "The Goon Squad", which has managed to stay together since middle school through their united love for a really garbage hockey team.
5/5
1001albumsgenerator.com users when they have to listen to something more mentally stimulating than 60s pop rock: 🤮😡😭🤬
I jest, I goof - love you guys - but come on, you gotta admit that this is pretty damn cool. Give it a fair shot. Imagine a bunch of nasty ass green witches having a dance party while listening to this for proper enjoyment.
Incredibly pretentious, but I think that makes it more fun. I really appreciate how every song sounds like a completely distinct assault on my ears (in a good way), I never felt bored listening to this.
"If Your a Wizard Then Why Do You Wear Glasses?" uses the wrong form of Your/You're though. See me after class.
Fuck it, 5/5. I don't remember the last time I had this much fun listening to an album from this list.
Herbie Hancock
4/5
I would classify this as fartstep. Very glorpy, very bloopy. I like it. I imagine this is what frogs listen to.
Sarah Vaughan
1/5
73 minutes long jazz album. And it's live. Day instantly ruined.
This was about as interesting as not listening to any music at all. 1/5 because I'm feeling extra devious today. Very fitting that I'd get this demonic piece of audio as my 666th album.
The Verve
2/5
If I'm ever craving extremely average music, the Verve always have me covered. Reliable bunch of chaps - would give them a kiss on the cheek.
Madness
2/5
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k55FYtqtXXU
Doves
4/5
Not the most groundbreaking sound or anything, actually very derivative - basically every song made me go "Hey, this remind me of [insert 90s band here]", but they always pulled it off quite well.
I sure as hell can't complain that there's more faux OK Computer-era Radiohead to listen to.
A bit too long and the first half is substantially better than the second half (except for "The Cedar Room" which is incredible). 4/5, will definitely return to this in the future. Preferably while it's night and/or raining.
The Specials
2/5
Madness two days ago, The Specials today, this generator is trying to kill me.
This white boy was not built for ska consumption, call that Skactose intolerance.
Did you know that the chemical responsible for fecal odor is called Skatole? Isn't that concerning?
Joni Mitchell
2/5
The first Joni album this generator gave me was "Blue", so it has kind of ruined every other album by her for me, because nothing could ever live up to that one.
This is still fine, but probably the weakest one by her that I've had so far. Listening to music on Youtube also makes me connect with it less for some reason. Put yer shit back on Spotify, the jig is up. Same with Neil. And the Cardiacs.
Boston
4/5
Not growing up in an English speaking country comes with the bonus perk of "More Than a Feeling" not being a song that's played at every corner. I shit you not, this is the first time I've ever heard that song. It's pretty good.
This entire album is pretty damn good. I'm honestly really impressed, since I was under the impression that Boston was the daddiest dad rock to ever father.
Sepultura
4/5
This album fucks.
I see the most common complaint about this album and Sepultura in general are the corny lyrics. I can't understand a single word that Max Cavalera is singing, so I can't relate.
The songs simply go insanely hard. That's my deep analysis. Follow for more Simpsons trivia.
The United States Of America
4/5
Ah, you know it's gonna be a good day when you see that the average rating is below a 2.7.
This is some crazy shit. Exactly what I want my psychedelic music to sound like. It's called Psychedelic Rock for a reason, man! Don't put a wobbly effect on your voice for 3 seconds per song and call that psychedelic, I want to feel like I ingested some shit that would land you 10 years in federal jail and lifelong glimpses of "The Gnome Creature" from the corner of your eye.
Stellar. I can even excuse the horrible mixing because it adds to the experience of this album being some strange artifact I found on a HDD buried in the deserts of Guinea-Bissau.
Astor Piazzolla
3/5
Gonna be useful for the next time I have to tiptoe out of a bank with a burlap sack of money on my back. Hope I don't slip on a banana peel, boy would that stink.
Has some really cool moments and I like when they explore more avantgarde sounds, but the whole thing is just waaaayy too long for me to give it anything more than a 3/5.
Sonic Youth
5/5
I love when music sounds like I'm being violently stabbed in a back alley.
I don't even consider myself to be a Sonic Youth fan, but this is my fourth album by them and the lowest score I've given to any of them was a 4/5. So uh.. yeah.
They're really pretentious and I will never forgive them for what they did to my guy Nardwuar, but they sure know how to cook up some tunes.
The Sensational Alex Harvey Band
2/5
This is music you would listen to while cleaning smegma from underneath your foreskin with a toothpick. SMASH that like button if you can relate!
Portishead
4/5
Ominous beats to villainously stroke a cat to.
Honestly really brilliant. Replaces the chill (and "fungal", as I like to say) vibes of "Dummy" with brooding drones and an atmosphere that can truly only be described as evil.
I love when the bleeps go bloop. "We Carry On"'s instrumental is so hypnotizing. The way "Machine Gun" plays right when you think that maybe the second half of this album is going to be more mellow than the first and stabs you in your abdomen and steals your wallet.
Strong 4/5.
Michael Jackson
3/5
HEE HEE.
Actually pretty good. Not great, but definitely not Bad. Talk about clickbait. Do better Michael Jackson, I know you're reading this.
Yaddi-yadda, insert eight paragraphs here about Michael Jackson being a questionable guy. Who cares. I know all of you fuckers writing college essays in the reviews pull out the nastiest bop of all time when "Billie Jean" comes on at the club.
David Ackles
2/5
Certainly an interesting pick for Halloween.
I've recently learned that I'm kind of a fan of Americana. I still get jumpscared by the "Country" genre every time one of these albums is generated for me, but as it turns out, there's a difference big difference between Americana and that whole "YEEHAW PARDNER" kind of music.
This is pretty alright. Not the worst thing ever made. I like his vocals - very reminiscent of Scott Walker. The lyrics are kind of groan-inducing and I wasn't a fan of those few songs that sounded like Toy Story music. The first half was much better than the second half.
A strong 2/5.
Soul II Soul
2/5
[PLEASE WAIT... THIS REVIEW IS CURRENTLY LOADING]
[TIP: Did you know that you can cast the "Shitting Spell" by pressing A+Select?]
Chicago
4/5
Jimi Hendrix was right, that white boy on the guitar knows what he's doing.
I didn't think I was ready for a double album worth of prog rock today, but it won me over. Groovy. Still probably 1-2 songs too long, but I was never bored.
Also "Free Form Guitar" was pretty cool. I can see why most people could go without it though.
Prince
2/5
Scooby Doo music.
I don't get why this is considered one of the greatest albums of all time. Annoying vocals, goofy instrumentals - my only enjoyment was getting to hear him ejaculate during the ending of "The Beautiful Ones". Might just be brain damage on my part though, sorry.
Goldie
3/5
Well I've certainly spent 2 hours of my life in worse ways.
Mostly (and I mean like 99%) background music that I was barely paying any attention to, but it beats having to listen to the thoughts in my head.
Has some really cool moments. The 21-minutes long opening track was fantastic. So was "Angel". I don't get why "Inner City Life" is on here a whopping three times.
Haha what, this guy played in James Bond?
Anita Baker
3/5
Good music for a romantic coffee shop scene, alas I'm here sitting on my ass trying to figure out why my code isn't fucking working.
Still really enjoyable. Has that "rainy friday evening" atmosphere that I dig. Makes me want to light a cigarette and lean against a sign post while a raspy-voiced Englishman narrates my inner thoughts.
Dusty Springfield
3/5
Sure. It's pretty chill and nice. I don't get much from this type of music usually, but it made for some very enjoyable background music today. Much better than that other Dusty album on this list I forgot the name of.
4/5
I don't know how to describe it properly, but this feels like screaming into a pillow without having to open my mouth.
This genre of music is more effective than any kind of ADHD medicine and always seems to calm my brain. I want to grind this album up and snort it. Hopefully I'm not alone on that one.
I can't believe someone listened to Ornette Coleman and went "hmm.. this jazz isn't quite avantgarde enough for me" and then recorded this. Absolute madman. I grant this a 4/5, but also fuck you John Zorn.
Laibach
2/5
Proto-Rammstein with a Slovenian guy burp-singing into the mic. As a fellow Eastern European, it's great to see some Slavic representation on this list, but surely there are better examples? If the reason why this was included is the massive influence these guys had on Rammstein, then why isn't there any Rammstein album on this list?
Kind of boring in a really goofy way. Didn't enjoy it that much.
The Fall
3/5
Vocal mixing done by a crackhead they found under a bridge.
I don't necessarily enjoy The Fall that much, but I definitely respect the crazy feat of releasing so many essential albums over like five decades.
Shoutouts to Damo Suzuki.
M.I.A.
4/5
Not as good as her debut, but this has "Paper Planes" so giving it anything lower than a 4/5 is a sin punishable by being boiled in a witch's cauldron.
So fun and funky. One of the most creative people in hip-hop. I wonder what her opinion on vaccines is.
Penguin Cafe Orchestra
3/5
Why would they give the Penguin Man pubes.
Some cute chamber music, almost ambient at times. Made me think of Brian Eno, so I wasn't surprised to learn that he was the executive producer for this.
This seems like really good background music for doing mundane tasks. I will be returning to The Penguin Cafe, they cook up some good shit in there. Just keep the Penguin Man away from me.
Scissor Sisters
2/5
Plastic and fake. Sounds like music for people who were scared of all the new genres popping up in the early 2000s (ooo numetal so scary) so they clung to the one band that sounds like it crawled out of the 80s, complete with a (horrible) cover of Pink Floyd's "Comfortably Numb".
The future is now, old man. My Chemical Romance Halo 2 Nacho chip, motherfucker.
Nick Drake
5/5
An intimate and beautiful album by a tortured soul. Nick Drake's masterpiece - one of those albums that are simply impossible to hate.
Bob Dylan
2/5
More zzz Bob zzz Dylan zzz...
This man's music ain't for me at all. "He's a great songwriter" they all say, but I personally don't get anything from his lyrics. They're fine as poetry, sure, but they don't work well in a musical context as opposed to similar songwriters like Nick Drake or Johnny Cash. Jesus Christ Bob, just write a book or something. I'm not in the mood to hear the fable of the Three Brave Piglets on a Tuesday afternoon.
50 minute yapping session. 2/5, yawn.
Linkin Park
4/5
Music taste is subjective and you are allowed to like or hate whatever, but if you give this a 1/5, I will automatically assume that you are LAME. Shut up old man, have some fun for once!
Almost completely inferior to "Meteora" in both songwriting and musicianship, but I don't think there's a better album to capture the zeitgeist of the early Internet era. I can feel the Dorito dust accumulating on my Xbox controller as I listen to this.
5/5? Probably not, but it's very close.
The Pogues
2/5
Somebody unplugged the Soundgoodinator for the last few songs. What's up with that.
I liked "If I Should Fall From Grace With God" so much more. This one seems so empty when compared to that one. It's much slower and much less fun, with horrible production (courtesy of the man whose name you must never utter on this site).
Elliott Smith
5/5
I just had "Pink Moon" a few days ago. Is this album generator trying to give me depression?
I flip between preferring this album and "Figure 8" pretty often, but both are so incredible that it doesn't even really matter. Up there with "The Glow, Pt. 2" and "Illinois" as one of my favorite whiny indie rock albums for losers.
Suzanne Vega
4/5
Never heard of her, but this is really pleasant. Very pretty voice!
I've been in a mood for some singer songwriter these past few days, so I'm not even mad that this is the third album in the genre I've had this week.
Goes hard as hell. 4/5, very much something I will be returning to a lot.
David Bowie
3/5
This ain't hunky dory, this ain't funky fresh, this ain't the bee's knees, this ain't jim-dandy, this ain't the cat's meow, this ain't something else.
It's just pretty good.
Probably his most overrated record in my opinion. Used to be one of my favorites, but grew off quite a bit. None of the songs after "Life on Mars?" hit quite as hard as those first 4 songs.
Booker T. & The MG's
1/5
Elevator muzak covers of famous R&B and rock and roll songs. The first song is apparently super famous, but I've personally never heard it before.
Literally nothing. A completely empty listening experience.
(Album no. 700, woo!)
David Bowie
2/5
Bowie album number 8, second one in three days.
Listen, I love this dude, but you can't tell me that THIS album of his is a must listen.
It was included in the 2014 edition of the book only because big man Robert Dimery got really excited at the Bowie comeback, but I haven't heard anybody talk about this after "Blackstar" came out.
A few good songs, but mostly boring. Kind of a lackluster experience.
The Doors
4/5
"Grahh! The Doors' debut is not a 5/5 record!", I say as an electric bolt pierces my chest with the power of a trillion suns. A formidable warlock stands above my feeble, crumbled body, casting aside his hood with an air of ominous grandeur. It's Jim Morrison. He utters: "You have truly met your "The End (11:43)", dumb fuck", and proceeds to light me on fire, in yet another cool The Doors reference. I nod and say "hey, that was pretty clever, maybe The Doors' debut is a 5/5 record after all".
4/5.
Dirty Projectors
2/5
This album sounds like two cartoon characters having a fight in a ball of smoke. It's like they took some regular indie pop songs and put them in the Fuckalizinator. Songs speed up randomly, weird instruments fade in and out for no reason, the singer sounds like he's in the middle of getting crushed by a hydraulic press - what the hell is happening here.
AI generated music. Not really something I enjoyed listening to while on the brink of a migraine. 2/5
Def Leppard
1/5
Why did we, as a society, let Glam Metal happen.
AC/DC already sucks - why would you ever want to emulate their sound?
All of these albums sound like they were mass-produced in a Chinese factory by unpaid child labor. So unbelievably bland and mind-numbingly boring. Plus the cheese. Jesus Christ, the C H E E S E. I'm talking Swiss Fondue levels of cheese.
Not even "Photograph" can save this from being a 1/5 from me, sorry!
Serge Gainsbourg
3/5
A really short French album where a guy sings about having sex with a 14 year old girl. Like, I get that this album wasn't exactly meant to make me feel comfortable or anything, but god damn, that's a really icky topic to base your concept album around. Not going to knock off points because of that though, of course - that's like watching "Silence of the Lambs" and getting upset at all the cannibalism.
Mostly just feel indifferent towards this based on the simple facts that:
1. This is a very lyrics-heavy album.
2. I don't speak French.
Also this man has a lot of saliva in his mouth.
Todd Rundgren
2/5
If you're going to make your album 90 fucking minutes long, at least put some song diversity into the mix. No man should be forced to listen to almost 2 hours of straight vanilla 70s rock.
"I Saw the Light" and "Hello It's Me" are the only songs I actually enjoyed. Talking about any other song on here is like asking somebody to rank each rice cracker in a pack from worst to best.
Boring. Guards, put him in the wood chipper.
Joy Division
4/5
Absolutely devastating record. Jesus Christ, the final three song run from "Twenty Four Hours" to "Decades" is some of the most heartbreaking stuff ever written.
A very barren and empty atmosphere. I still prefer "Unkown Pleasures" by a tiny margin (it has the higher highs), but I think that this album is slightly more consistent.
Django Django
2/5
Starts out with a double whammy ("Hail Bop" and "Default") but fades into generic 00s electronic pop territory after that. Not very exciting. Too many songs sound almost completely identical and sort of goofy.
Minor Threat
3/5
I've heard prog rock songs longer than this entire album. I guess it doesn't overstay its welcome, but 21 minutes might be the official "too short" limit. Hard getting invested in something this short - almost feels like a throwaway and the generator giving me a day off.
Musically pretty good. There's better punk out there, but I'm kind of a sucker for this type of music in general, so whatever.
I was going to say that the vocalist sounds suspiciously like the Fugazi guy. Turns out IT IS the Fugazi guy. That brings me to my final point: Why the fuck is "The Argument" not on this list.
The Boo Radleys
3/5
Another one of those ADHD albums where they threw together every single genre popular at the time into one album.
Not the best thing ever made, but surprisingly coherent and not boring. I don't think I'll ever listen to the entire hour-long album again, but there were some playlist-worthy songs here, like "Lazarus".
Burning Spear
2/5
I don't feel qualified to have an opinion of reggae music. I am simply too white for this, I'm sorry.
Album cover is sick as fuck though. I honestly thought this would be Hardcore Punk based on it.
The KLF
3/5
One of the better bleepy-bloopy albums I've listened to. Kind of sounds like the soundtrack for an old racing game at times.
Not very exciting, but I've had so much fucking garbage from this genre that it's nice to remember that not all 90s British electronica sounds like a toddler playing with FL Studio presets.
Also thank you for not being 2 hours long. Still recovering from that 140 minutes long Roni Size album.
Fiona Apple
4/5
I don't think this is her best album and "When The Pawn..." should have probably been on this list over this one, but it's still really fucking good. Fiona Apple feels like one of the most genuine pop artists in today's music sphere.
Invest in asbestos.
Pantera
4/5
This is like if music was violent diarrhea, but in a good way.
There was a song in here that sounded like Nirvana and another that sounded like Faith No More. My usual problem with this kind of metal is that all the songs usually blend together in the end, so I'm glad they avoided that.
And "Walk"? God damn.
David Crosby
3/5
While this could possibly be the most "music with a lowercase m, white man singing for 30 minutes" album ever made, I actually enjoyed it a lot.
Turns out David Crosby was the best solo artist of CSNY. Rest in peace big guy. One of the funniest Twitter users of all time. I will never forget him telling a fan to "not quit his day job" after they sent him a painting of himself. Absolutely unhinged behavior.
Strong 3, borderline 4.
Mariah Carey
2/5
I mean, I don't particularly enjoy this as well, but I don't get why this is one of the lowest rated albums on the site.
Seems like a milquetoast, inoffensive R&B album. There's a lot of those on this list. Nothing groundbreaking, but definitely not horrible. Not much worse than something like those two Christina Aguilera albums on here.
Also haha at getting a Mariah Carey album in December. On the first snowy day of the year where I live no less.
Lou Reed
4/5
Lou Reed smokes a fat blunt while Bob Ezrin screams at small babies. The other 70s concept album about "drug addiction, prostitution, depression" that features a word from the name "The Berlin Wall" and had Bob Ezrin working on it.
I think I like this more than Transformer. I really enjoyed the dark storytelling, even if it didn't tug on my heartstrings as much as I hoped it would.
TV On The Radio
2/5
One of those albums that is so derivative of other (better) albums, that it implodes on itself. Every song had me going "Hey, this sort of sounds like [___], I sure wish I was listening to [___] right now!" ... Except for that one song that had me going "Hey, this is from Breaking Bad!!"
The Dave Brubeck Quartet
4/5
Good background music for when wacky shenanigans are afoot. Make sure to keep looking above yourself while listening to this album, because a comically oversized anvil could drop down on your head at any moment.
This album has a similar feel to it as cheese. I don't mean to call it "cheesy", I mean that it literally reminds of cheese. Like, I can smell some fresh tasty gorgonzola while listening to this. Call that Synescheesia.
Four outta seven!
Madonna
2/5
I sadly can't get full enjoyment out of this, as I'm not a 38-year old mother of seven with a "Coffee is always a good idea" mug on my desk.
I don't fully get the hype around Madonna. I don't think she deserves to have a Wikipedia article written about her that sounds like she's a cult leader - like, what the fuck is "Madonna-ology".
She's one of the most famous people in human history, but ask a random guy on the street to name you a Madonna song that wasn't released as a single and he'll melt into black goop on the spot (this is true).
Meh. The title track is good, but "Ray of Light" wipes the floor with this album.
Sade
3/5
In the span of just 6 days, I've had albums by Mariah Carey, Madonna, and now Sade. My Spotify algorithm is going to think I'm a middle-aged mother going through a divorce.
It's pretty good. Very smooth, as the name of the first song implies, but I'm very rarely in the mood for this kind of music and today was no different.
Billy Bragg
1/5
This is the exact type of music I would throw canned beans and tomatoes at if I ever saw it live. Get outta here, I don't want to listen to your stupid fucking yoinky sploinky country for people who clap when an airplane lands.
Billy Bragg is annoying, Wilco is boring, put the two together and I want to rip my ears out.
0/10, find another hobby. Grow some carrots man. Go on a hike man. Learn integration by parts man.
James Brown
3/5
God damn, the audience is going mental. It was fun to hear them screaming (don't take that out of context) and interacting with the performances.
This is not a genre I listen to and I probably won't return to it, but I still got more enjoyment out of it than I expected.
The Strokes
4/5
Every song sounds the sa-(gets pummeled by rocks)
Most songs sound the same, but it's a really good sound that I enjoy, so it's fine. This isn't my favorite Strokes album though - I think both "The New Abnormal" and "Room on Fire" have a tighter sound.. But I can't really hate on the quintessential indie rock album of the early 2000s.
N.E.R.D
4/5
Fuck yes. This whole album feels like drinking the "Fun Potion" off of a crazy wizard's shelf of assorted brews and concoctions.
Rufus Wainwright
3/5
Had another one of this guy's albums over a year ago, and only now do I realize that he's the Shrek Hallelujah guy.
I like this, but I can't shake that weird feeling that I'm being catered to by some mega-corporation. There's a very distinct "music magazine darling" feel to these songs that I can't even begin to properly describe. In the wise words of Peter Griffin, it insists upon itself.
Pretty good effort, gay Thom Yorke from Shrek. Good effort. Put some more pizzazz into it next time - sing it like you mean it.
Paul Simon
2/5
This has nothing to do with anything, but why does Paul Simon look completely different in every single photo I've seen of the man. There's some forest demon fuckery going on here, and I don't like it.
Oh yeah, we're talking about the music here. It's nothing special. I'm very indifferent to Simon & Garfunkel in general, and nothing by these chaps has particularly stuck in my head.
Feeling a "meh, not for me" on this one.
Fever Ray
4/5
My genuine reaction: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KWQ34SGBtVU
This is like if you took Björk and made her grow up in an alternate version of Plato's Cave, where instead of shadows on the wall, it's a playthrough of Donkey Kong Country 2: Diddy's Kong Quest for the Super Nintendo Entertainment System, featuring the evil King K. "Jebediah" Rool.
Yup, it slaps.
Massive Attack
3/5
Second album in a row that sounds like the Donkey Kong Country soundtrack.
Massive Attack is definitely up there fighting with Primal Scream for the title of "Least fitting band name of all time". This is just a pretty solid trip-hop album. Not as good as "Mezzanine", which is the only album by these guys I'm familiar with. I think that's mostly because this one lacks any standout tracks like "Angel" and "Teardrop". And also that Horace Andy cover of "Light My Fire" that is completely unnecessary and kind of ruins the ending (love the guy though).
The Cardigans
4/5
First person to claim that "Lovefool" doesn't bang gets shot to the Moon in a comically oversized cannon.
This album feels like getting into bed when it's freezing cold and snuggling and giggling like an idiot.
The Allman Brothers Band
1/5
Obligatory 80-minutes long wankfest.
This is like one of those sensory videos for babies with random fruit flying on the screen, except for old white people. There's not much substance, it goes on forever, and the target demographic is prone to shitting themselves.
Made me feel like I'm never going to see my family ever again. 1/5.
Travis
2/5
This is like gluten-free Radiohead.
That's the review. I got nothing.
Silver Jews
3/5
I was going to compliment his songwriting skills, but then he hit me with the fucking "Are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see" dad joke and I shriveled up like a raisin.
Pretty good though. I think this is better than "American Water".
Deerhunter
2/5
Default preset indie rock. First song was really cool, then it started sounding more and more like Youtube "How to uninstall McAfee tutorial 2015 punjabi" background music, with the world's most generic vocalist singing over it.
Third time I've heard this album and I still don't get it. This seems like something I would eat up like it's breakfast, but it doesn't seem like it'll ever click. Shame on me.
Traffic
3/5
We've done it. Completely unpretentious progressive rock. Just a bunch of chaps singing about wanting to kill the mascot for beer or some shit, I dunno, probably something I'm not English enough to understand.
Truly a quintessential album for today's Christmas Day. Have a jolly one, people wide or thin, near or far.
The Undertones
2/5
The last song on this album contains an ultra-high frequency that channels the Men in Black memory wipe device and makes you immediately forget everything about this album once it is over.
I don't remember anything about this, and I just finished listening. The singer could have been a Bulgarian 80-year old woman for all I know.
Beastie Boys
3/5
Every single Beastie Boys song sounds like this:
(70s hard rock sample)
(pans to the left) The Beastie Boys are kind of SHIT.
(pants to the right) Stone fruits have an inedible PIT.
Does it bang? Yeah, it sort of bangs.
Guns N' Roses
2/5
PURE UNADULTURATED COCK.
The late 80s were seemingly just a slot machine for music and what gets popular. In an alternate universe, this album and GnR fall into obscurity while some other random glam metal band takes up their place and literally nothing changes in the grand scheme of musical history.
GZA
3/5
This album is really good at creating a dark and dense atmosphere with its beats and production, but GZA himself sounds like he's reciting the fable of the three little piggies. Man has no energy in his delivery - it's like he's reading off a piece of paper while sitting on a lawn chair in the studio.
It works occasionally, but he gets overshadowed by almost every feature, and the whole thing started getting a bit stale near the end. More variety wouldn't hurt.
"4th Chamber" and "Shadowboxin'" go hard as hell though. Maybe this is a grower, I'll see.
1/5
Imagine how degrading it must feel to be one of the three psychedelic rock albums from 1968-1970 that didn't make it onto this list.
I can give you Jefferson Airplane, I can give you Love, I can even maybe give you Moby Grape, but what the hell are we doing here with bands like Spirit, The Electric Prunes, Great Horse, Blue Cheer, or Country Joe & The Fish? I made one of those bands up by the way, have fun.
This is actually nothing. I probably have drunk voiceclips on my phone that are more relevant to musical history than this album. Get real. One out of seven.
CHVRCHES
3/5
"Facebook brings you Your Year in Review 2013"-type music.
I can't take this shit seriously, man. All I can imagine while listening to this is a slideshow of images of a middle-aged woman on the beach with animated transitions between pictures. You know exactly what I'm talking about.
Actually a really fitting final album for the year. Weird to think about how 2024 will be my last year on this site - only 349 days until the finish line!
Brian Eno
3/5
I have no idea how I feel about this. It's like a 1/5 and a 5/5 simultaneously. So hard to categorize and rate. Reckon they went a bit too silly on this one, Brian Eno you crazy bastard. I bet his bald head makes a gong sound when slapped.
Jeff Buckley
4/5
Very much not a surprise to learn that Jeff Buckley was a massive influence on Thom Yorke and Radiohead in general.
Great album. Weird to think about all the "what ifs" if he hadn't died so young though. Would people still regard this as highly? As morbid as it is to say, I think the backstory behind this one elevates it more than it probably should. I think Jeff Buckley was destined for even higher highs. Weak 4/5.
Don McLean
4/5
I expected this to be one of those albums with one incredible song and a bunch of filler (cough Tarkus cough), but nope, this is a really solid folk rock album! The title track is the obvious highlight, but even the lesser known songs still hit.
King Crimson
5/5
I would have personally gone for "Red" instead, but it's fine - both albums are a 5/5.
This is very much music that would make a Victorian child explode into red mist on the spot. A very challenging album. It took me 3 whole listens to hear anything in this other than noise, but once it clicked, it clicked hard.
Yaddy yadda, insert a paragraph of nerd shit about time signatures or something. Nobody cares, here's a video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lij_Uu1ucAk
Saint Etienne
2/5
So fucking empty. This is like the musical equivalent of slowly dying of dehydration in the Sahara.
This could have been a serviceable Downtempo album (the few Trip-Hoppy songs on here are actually pretty good), but they spend way too much time playing music that sounds like something your Samsung Smart TV would play in the background while it's downloading the latest update.
Fiona Apple
3/5
How are you going to have two Fiona Apple albums on this list and neither of them are "When The Pawn...".
This is pretty good. Probably the worst full album of her that I've heard though, as it was pretty repetitive at times. She wrote this at 18 though, god damn.
Jeru The Damaja
3/5
Are you telling me the fabled "90s hip-hop album that's shorter than an hour" is real? I couldn't believe my eyes, I thought half of the album was missing from Spotify or something!
Kind of goofy, but not bad. Beats range from amazing to obnoxious.
Jethro Tull
4/5
There's a subsection of prog rock that I like to call "goblin summoning music". Music that would summon whimsical fairy-tale beings if you played it in a forested mountain valley. This definitely falls under that. Like yeah, go off on that flute dude. That's what I come here for.
You know what modern music needs more of? Flutes. We used to play them for 43,000 years and now cast them aside in favor of demonic shit like "synthesizers" and "guitars"? Get real. What are they gonna make up next? A device that magically tunes your pitch? No way. Get real.
Great album. Also the holder of the world record speedrun for pedo lyrics, at an astounding 0:12 seconds into the album before the first mention of wanting to fuck little girls. It's cool though because the song is about evil people (the homeless). Four outta five!
Anthrax
3/5
Oh dear god, please remaster this. I can hear the mold spores flying about as I listen to this. The production is so flat and quiet it makes the album sound boring, despite the fact that they're ripping some nasty ass riffs.
Also a weird criticism probably, but it sucks that this album (and Anthrax) in general doesn't have any big hit. I guess "Caught in the Mosh" would be the most well-known song on here, but it just doesn't have the same bang like Metallica and "Master of Puppets" or Slayer and "Raining Blood".
Meh. I don't love it and I don't hate it. Serviceable thrash metal, nothing more.
The Beau Brummels
3/5
I was wondering why this is on the list, so I read the Wikipedia page and discovered that: "The band also appeared as the Beau Brummelstones in a 1965 episode of the animated television sitcom The Flintstones."
I see. Essential listen it is, then.
This is surprisingly good. There's a part of my brain that can only be scratched by weird vaguely medieval sounding music by obscure 60s groups. Yeah, I think I enjoyed this.
The Beach Boys
4/5
This is a hard album to rate. It's like writing a TripAdvisor review for the Eiffel Tower or something.
Eh, you know what, 4/5 because there weren't enough pet sounds. There were some dog barks, but man's best friends are goldfish and I didn't hear any words of wisdom from our aquatic companions.
The Rolling Stones
1/5
News flash - most derivative band of all time started off with a generic derivative covers album.
This is the most uninteresting album in the history of humankind. It makes me feel primal rage from how bland it is. The time is now, Mick Jagger. You are not ready for The Frog War of '24.
Todd Rundgren
4/5
Insane man creates the greatest psychedelic rock album of all time and then wastes the last 20 minutes on weird R&B bullshit nobody cares about.
This is one of those albums where I feel like I'm going to need an entire month and a room of researchers to fully get a grasp on my true feelings. Is this pretentious slop? Is this the most genius thing ever made? Is Todd Rundgren just a figment of my imagination? Was the Moon landing fake?
4/5 I guess? Contact me in a month.
Tom Waits
2/5
I can imagine Tom Waits spitting phlegm globs from his mouth at burglars trying to rob his house. Just some real chewy gooey ass shit. Brown as well.
I don't know how I feel about Tom Waits singing genuine songs with a mellow piano in the background. I think his voice works better for the weird experimental stuff he did later on in his career. This just feels like listening to generic blues rock with a singer that's uncomfortably close to puking. Makes my tummy feel strange.
Brian Eno
5/5
I don't know how popular of an opinion this is, but I think this is Brian Eno's masterpiece. So much more coherent and pleasing to the ears than "Another Green World".
A fantastic blend of pop and ambient. Gotta be a 5/5.
Arrested Development
2/5
Nope, sorry, not my type of hip-hop. This is kinda (really) cheesy. I don't have any deeper opinion on this and can't even think of any quirky one-liner. In one ear and out the other. Two outta five.
3/5
Pretty cool. I bet the audience was having a religious experience - there really wasn't much that sounded like this back in 1969.
Not something I would ever listen to in the year of our lord 2024 though. First half was much better than the second. Especially the title track, that shit "bumps in the whip" as the kids say.
SAULT
3/5
I don't know how I feel about this. I don't feel qualified nor comfortable talking about the lyrics as I come from a completely different part of the world with its own problems. Racism is bad obviously, but this is clearly an album for Americans by Americans.
Musically very interesting though. There's enough variety in this that it kept my attention for most of the runtime. I could have gone without all the whispery interludes though. One or two is fine, but there was a point in the middle where every other song was just a woman uncomfortably whispering in my ear. I'm immune to ASMR instantly-shit-yourself hypnosis. I eat sauerkraut for breakfast. Fuck.
FKA twigs
2/5
How to create a "modern classic":
1. Record a completely generic pop album (make sure to not put any effort into the vocals);
2. Put random glitchy beep-boops everywhere;
3. You're now officially avantgarde and experimental, congratulations on the 9/10 Pitchfork review.
Fake weirdness. TikTok music. A slab of processed ham wrapped in gold foil is still a slab of processed ham.
2/5 because the first two songs were actually promising.
Leonard Cohen
4/5
Turns out that if you take Bob Dylan's formula and remove the ear-piercingly horrible harmonica, you're left with actually listenable music. Who would have guessed.
Good old Lenny writes some swell tunes on this one. Proud of the guy.
The Divine Comedy
4/5
Man discusses his sexual fantasies involving animals over the Final Fantasy VII soundtrack.
So cheesy and melodramatic that it loops back to being genius. Sinatra this, Scott Walker that, I don't remember either of them singing about how they'd clean your crap if an evil witch transformed you into a horse.
I had a great time listening to this. Exactly as advertised, this is truly a short album about love. Underrated gem, dare I say.
The Velvet Underground
3/5
Velvet Underground mastered the perfect amount of weirdness on their debut album and then proceeded to make an album that's way too weird for its own good (White Light/White Heat) and not weird enough to stand out from the billion other psychedelic rock albums of the late 60s (this one).
It's still good, but kind of repetitive. "The Murder Mystery" was the only song on here that tried doing something really interesting, but it's no "Venus in Furs" or "Heroin".
Bob Dylan
2/5
Robert Allen Zimmerman taps into the time-space continuum with this record, bending the rules of temporality in his own image and trapping unsuspecting victims on the journey known as "1001 Albums Generator" in an infinite time vortex. While this album might seem to be 73 minutes long to any passerby, the listener will spend 3 billion years in the Bobverse.
In other words, this is way too long. Oh Bob, you silly goose. Please let me see my daughter again.
The Undertones
2/5
Extremely average, like most punk music from this time period.
Completely uninteresting and unremarkable, but not the worst thing ever made or anything. Meh.
Bert Jansch
3/5
Never felt a stronger father-son bond emanating from a guy and his guitar. I bet he sleeps next to it and gives it kisses on the neck every night.
Really genuine, I enjoyed it.
Gene Clark
1/5
Jesus fucking Christ. No.
This is like everything I can't stand in music wrapped in one package.
I feel a headache coming on today and this certainly did not help. Oh, you've done it now Gene Clark.
There's so many Byrds albums on this list, did we seriously need 2 Gene Clark solo albums as well?
Ray Charles
2/5
Massive legacy and influence doesn't change the fact that if I was ever stranded on a desert island with nothing but this album, I would probably repurpose it into a pair of PVC pants.
Sorry, I'm running out of ways to say that I don't care for old rhythm and blues. I respect it, but this is not my kind of music.
Elton John
4/5
Hard to hate. This album is a lot of fun, even if a bit too long. I could have gone without that weird Jamaican song.
Sugar
3/5
This sounds like R.E.M. if they got sucked into a dimensional vortex and ended up in an alternate universe where Michael Stipe is named Sichael Mtipe and it rains horizontally.
It's pretty good noisy alt rock, but this being on here instead of a Hüsker Dü album is a decision only a Magic 8-Ball in a suit and a fake mustache could make. I'm onto you, Robert Dimery.
**Evening edit: Just learned that there is a Hüsker Dü album on this list after all, but it's their last album from '87 instead of "Zen Arcade", further supporting my theory that these albums were picked by consulting a Magic 8-Ball.
Ice Cube
4/5
The beats are next level. I was bouncing my leg to this like a sheep stuck in an electric fence.
Fucks. Indubitably.
Another banger from Ice Cube, best known for being Captain Dickson from the cult classic "21 Jump Street", and for having a four paragraph long section titled "Conspiracy theories and antisemitism" on his Wikipedia page!
Cyndi Lauper
3/5
Go off queen, she's so quirky.
This is what all those really buff bodybuilders listen to in the gym while bench pressing 250kg.
It's good, I enjoyed it.
Drive Like Jehu
4/5
I've been on a huge Post-Hardcore binge the past few weeks, but I've purposely been putting listening to this album off because I knew it was on the list and I was waiting for it to come up.
Yeah, it's awesome. A musical punch in the cock. Immediately opens with one of the heaviest songs ever recorded and then spits on you for 53 minutes. Kind of silly at times, but that's par for the course in Post-Hardcore. Who cares, it's a lot of fun.
Strong 4/5. This list needs more Post-Hardcore - sucks that amazing classics like "Relationship of Command", "The Argument" and "The Devil and God Are Raging Inside Me" are not on this list as well!
Patti Smith
2/5
She's saying a lot of words.
The production is sort of empty as well. Most of the songs blended together for me, nothing stood out that much except for the opening line which everybody quotes.
Kinda disappointed by this one.
Elvis Costello
2/5
I was wondering when this fucker with 6 albums on the list would show up. This is my first album of his after 775 days. I'm not doing the math, but that feels like some statistical anomaly.
I was interested to hear what this guy's deal is. Why somebody like him would be one of the most represented people on this list and what's up with every single music magazine riding his meat.
And.. it's just regular pop? Like, completely unremarkable, generic pop music?
Unremarkable voice, unremarkable instrumentation, unremarkable lyrics, long as fuck. Truly the perfect brew.
Left kid on the album cover looks like baby Hitler. 2/5.
Miriam Makeba
2/5
Boo. This sounds like it's being transmitted to my headphones from the ISS.
I get that it's from 1960 and predates both the crucifixion of our lord Jesus Christ and the hit album "The Greatest Speeches (Volume 1)" by artist "Ronald Reagan", but a substantial part of what I look for in my music is the fact that my brain won't get fried by ultra-high frequencies while listening to it.
The Zutons
2/5
If you told me this came out in 1978, I wouldn't have questioned it. Completely devoid of anything innovative or interesting.
It's 2004, "The Glow, Pt. 2" has been out for 3 years, you have no excuse to still be making cock rock.
I have no problem with "Garage Rock Revival" or whatever, it can be done right (Franz Ferdinand's debut comes to mind), but it's so obvious that the only reason boomer music critics eat this stuff up is because it makes them nostalgic for the times they didn't use to shit their pants regularly.
"Havana Gang Brawl" sounds like the Spider-Man theme song.
Didn't like it very much, like a 2.4/5.
Orange Juice
2/5
Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Sly & The Family Stone
3/5
The production always irked me on Sly's music, I think a remaster would be nice.
That being said, I kind of dig how slightly muddy this album sounds, in a strange way. It's ooey, dare I say even a tad gooey. I was a big fan of the title track and that one song I can't say the name of. "Sex Machine" kind of overstayed its welcome though.
I've been meaning to return to "There's a Riot Goin' On" because I gave it a 2/5 pretty unfairly (wasn't feeling very funky that day, what can I say). Definitely will now.
Strong 3/5.
Van Morrison
1/5
Get outta here. A live double album of some guy moaning stupid bullshit while default settings jazz orchestra plays behind him.
Feels like being trapped in a time vortex. Van Morrison might a manchild crybaby, but his worst crime is making boring music. Zero out of ten.
The Residents
5/5
A gem in the "psycho weirdo shit" genre. The Residents are one of the most interesting groups of all time and I love them.
Some people might call it artsy bullshit for nerds, but I view them as just a bunch of dudes having fun with silly effects. It's so fun. You never know what in the everloving fuck you're in for when a new song starts. It always keeps you entertained and never bored.
I don't know why, but I don't find this scary in the slightest. It's just silly. It's the 70s version of "reverb fart sound effect punjabi remix" memes you would find in the deepest trenches of Youtube.
Always a good day when an album like this pops up. To quote my own Kollaps review, "This is what we all deserve to be listening to as we embrace eternal oblivion."
Honestly? Fuck it. 5/5. I might have an infatuation with goofy music.
Traffic
2/5
This is absolutely a psychedelic rock album released in 1968, England.
It's not bad or anything, but remember the term "landfill indie"? Well, this is landfill psych. This list made me realize that the most over-saturated genre in musical history is psychedelic rock and it's not even close.
Like a strong 2/5 or a weak 3/5, depends how I'm feeling tomorrow.
Ozomatli
3/5
Half the experience is trying to hunt down the entire album. I listened to some Youtube playlist that was missing several songs, had some random dude's drum cover with 1k views in place of one of them, and a version recorded during the pandemic over Zoom or something.
This is schizophrenic as fuck. I have no idea what I listened to. It was pretty fun, but I'm very confused as to what this even is or why it's noteworthy.
Love Chali 2na though. Man's got one of the best voices in hip hop. I wish he was on more songs.
Rocket From The Crypt
3/5
This sounds like Fugazi if they did the soundtrack for a Disney Channel show. Is that a bad thing? I dunno. It's pretty fun, but not something I would ever come back to personally.
I hear that these guys were (are?) much better live. I expected more "Drive Like Jehu" and less "Halo 2 montage music".
Dire Straits
4/5
I thought this would be one of those albums that are 2-3 really good singles and then a bunch of boring filler nobody cares about, but it was actually srupsingly really good all the way through.
I love "Money for Nothing" so much. That's one of those songs I could listen to for 24 hours strai.ght without it getting old. And even the songs I've never heard in my life bang. Ride Across The Rive reminded me of the Donkey Kong Country soundtrack and that's like the biggest compliment you can ever give to anything. Good ass dad rock hell yeah.
Strong 4/5, you already know how it be. I'm drunk as fuck while writing this by the way so sorry if you had an aneursym while reading this, I don't know if what I wrote makes any sense and I refuse to rewrite it tomorrow
Elvis Costello & The Attractions
2/5
Elvis Costello, the CEO of extremely average music.
I don't even hate the guy or anything, he's just so ungodly samey and unremarkable in any way.
Slint
3/5
I'm honestly so angry at myself for not liking this album that much.
I LOVE every genre this falls into: post-hardcore emo grungey math rock, that's a combination made in heaven.
But Jesus Christ does this lose steam between songs 3-5.
Those three songs feel like they're building up to something that never comes and just sizzle out at the end - it's like audio blue balls. "Don, Aman" and "Washer" are boring as hell, and then "For Dinner.." delivers the ultimate vibe-killing punch by doing nothing for 5 whole minutes. "Good Morning, Captain" saves it at the end, because it felt like we finally looped back into what the album was doing with the first two songs after getting sidetracked by a loose goblin in the studio.
I've listened to this album about 5 times in hopes of it finally clicking, but I think I'm ready to throw in the towel. 3/5.
Influential as hell and I love a lot of albums that cite this as an inspiration though.
Bruce Springsteen
3/5
This making it onto the list is proof that music critics only know like 7 artists. This isn't bad, but come on. Bruce Springsteen's 12th album, released almost 30 years after his prime. Unless you pull off something insane like Bowie's "Blackstar" or Nick Cave's "Skeleton Tree", late-career stuff like this has no place on here.
Want an ACTUAL representation of post-9/11 America? My Chemical Romance. I'm dead serious. Think about it.
Sleater-Kinney
4/5
Female punk > Male punk
Always has been.
Boards of Canada
5/5
Plug laced my shit with the shadow dimension polyhedron fungus.
I'm blown away. I can't believe I've never heard this before. It's hard to describe, but something about this screams "Early Internet Era" to me. The futuristic, yet strangely creepy vibes of early Geocities websites, also the strangeness of early Internet animations like Salad Fingers.
I can also hear some Silent Hill 2 in this. I wouldn't be surprised to learn that Akira Yamaoka was a fan of these guys - the beginning of "Smokes Quantity" is literally "Black Fairy" from the SH2 soundtrack.
Motherfuckers almost moved me to tears. I feel like I just relived my entire childhood in the span of 60 minutes. Has to be 5/5.
Stevie Wonder
3/5
The visions were truly inner. Well, it's no "Songs in the Key of Life" (not many things are), but it's still pretty damn sweet. Maybe a bit too soft and not funky enough?
Like a strong 3/5.
Bobby Womack
2/5
His voice reminds me of this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pgNkGPCqLmI
That's it for my deep analysis, thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Ministry
4/5
Holy shit, this is so unabashedly stupid and I love it. Doesn't take itself too seriously, which is a breath of fresh air in this genre (looking at NIN in particular), but still lyrically interesting and dark.
The vocals sound like they were recorded in a steel shack, the mixing sounds like drowning in sewer sludge, yeah we got a classic on our hands. Strong 4/5. I will definitely be returning to this.
Faith No More
3/5
Mike Patton's in my top 7 men who have definitely shoved a firecracker up their ass that I have no factual proof for and that I solely curate based off vibes. Other people on this list include Till Lindemann, Stephen Hawking, and the guy who invented firecrackers.
Music's good. I think the two albums released after this one are better, but it's fine. Strong 3/5.
Lorde
2/5
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8SU0gFPMwP8
Who the fuck is forcing pop artists to sing like this.
Generic boring pop. Factory produced. Another inauthentic album by Girlypop McIndustryPlant serial number Y3208327.
Os Mutantes
3/5
Brazilian clown music.
Like a mix of the Beach Boys and Syd-era Pink Floyd. One of the more interesting 60s psychedelic albums I've heard, mostly because this one actually made me feel like I ingested something illegal.
Also one of those albums that gain from the mixing sounding like it was done through transmissions to the ISS. The contrast between the standard 60s vocals and the guitars that are so distorted that they sound like a table saw is very unique and cool. I like it.
Lou Reed
4/5
His most accessible album, which also means that this is the album where his horrible singing is most at full display. Four stars out of five, I will not elaborate further.
Devendra Banhart
3/5
I got excited thinking this would be something weird and interesting after seeing that it was produced and published by Michael Gira of Swans, but it's literally just a default preset "acoustic guitar-man singing" album with some quirky lyrics.
Nothing wrong with that, 3/5-worthy in fact, but a completely pointless slot on the list. Lacks that fully genuine magic that I hear from artists like Nick Drake and Bert Jansch. First half was better than the second - I can't lie, he kind of lost me once he started singing in Spanish.
This album released in 2004, the book's first edition was released in 2005. Hey, it's hard to predict what albums will stick in the musical canon. Should have just went with a Swans pick instead, like come on dude, the reviews for something like "Soundtracks for the Blind" would have been so fun to read (the guy who adds that to the user-submitted albums will forever be known as the funniest man to ever live).
4/5
1972? I thought this came out in the late 80s, god damn this sounds good.
Funk and R&B are certifiably not my thing™ but this is a really fun, jammy album with a lot of great moments. Doesn't drag on too long and I didn't find it repetitive, like I do with a lot of other albums in this genre.
Cool find, 4/5.
Big Black
4/5
Music taste is subjective, but if you think this is "just noise", that's an actual skill issue, sorry to say.
Another one of those albums that actually sound better with worse audio quality. Don't listen to the Youtube upload like some pleb - find a buried copy in the sands of Uzbekistan if you want the true experience.
Awesome. Heard somebody refer to this genre as "Pigfuck" and that's metal as hell and really fitting.
This was a first listen for me - I've only heard "Songs About Fucking" before - and I loved it a lot. I will definitely be returning to this one.
Metallica
3/5
The bass being inaudible makes this album sound flatter than Taylor Swift's ass. Just a complete trainwreck of a production. Like eating cardboard.
The music itself is pretty good. I don't think it would have been in my Top 3 Metallica albums even with proper mixing and all that, but songs like "One" and "Dyers Eve" are genuinely some of their best work. Lars actually sounds like he knows how to play drums on this album, so bonus points for that as well.
Why the hell would you pick this for the list over "Ride the Lightning" though? That's a crime against thrash metal history.
Soft Machine
2/5
Got better as it went on, but even the best song still felt like listening to a King Crimson reject.
A very exhausting and long listen. I'm super torn on this one, and I like to believe that I have pretty high tolerance to pretentious prog nonsense.
Hot Chip
3/5
I literally have nothing to say about this other than "It was good background music". The most 3/5 album ever made.
The Specials
3/5
Ska makes me feel like the walls are closing in. Run while you still can, the goblin army is approaching from the west.
All over the place - random mariachi, spaghetti western and post-punk influences that sound like they were pulling music genres out of a hat. It surprisingly works. Apparently influenced Massive Attack and I can sort of hear it.
I was going into this with the preconceived notion that I would hate it, but it's actually pretty fun, all things considered. I genuinely think this might be the best Ska album I've heard so far.
Kanye West
5/5
Fuck this guy, but I hate to admit it, I think this might be my favorite album of his. Something about the hip hop-industrial mix grabs me by the balls and spins me around. Sprinkle in some completely bizarre bullshit like sampling the Super Mario 64 Chain Chomp on "I'm In It" (I'm not going crazy, that's what that was, right?), the Hungarian classic Gyöngyhajú lány (amazing song, jó napot) on "New Slaves", also just the entirety of "On Sight", and you have an extremely creative hip hop album that still sounds like it was recorded yesterday, over a decade later.
This is something only an insane egomaniac with a god complex could create, and it somehow works. An album where an asshole raps about how awesome he is and how much sex he has while the sounds of a pressure washer play in the background would be a complete trainwreck in the hands of anybody else. How does he do it. Again, fuck this guy.
My only real gripe was that there was so much autotune on some songs that it sounded like listening to Microsoft Sam. Maybe it's meant to add to the futuristic vibe in a weird way? Sounds pretty kitschy.
5/5. Fuck this guy though.
The Cramps
2/5
This sounds like it was recorded in the mines of Tajikistan, roughly 3000 feet below the ground.
Weird caveman mosquito music. Not a fan.
Gillian Welch
3/5
Pretty good, maybe a bit too long, folk album. I like her voice. Not something I'd ever return to, but it's enjoyable enough.
I don't have any quirky one-liner for this one. It's a 3/5.
Love
4/5
Wow, yeah, this is gorgeous. Definitely deserves a spot in the Psychedelic Pop hall of fame along with albums like "Sgt Pepper's" and "Odessey and Oracle". The first half of this is a 10/10. It loses some steam in the second half (on a first listen at least), but I can see this growing on me further and I'll probably regret not giving it a 5/5.
Klaxons
4/5
Guilty pleasure. It's sort of a mess and some of the vocals sound like the singer is being held at gunpoint by the rest of the band members, but it's a very unique sound.
Reminds me of Arctic Monkeys, specifically the times back when big man Alex Turner still made music instead of whining into a mic about how his pancakes got soggy while LARPing as a 1950s crooner.
Some parts of this are abrasive as hell. Like "Wonderful Rainbow" levels of abrasive. Surprising for something fairly mainstream (for the nine seconds that "new rave" was a thing).
Elvis Costello
2/5
Okay so that's now 38 Elvis Costello songs that I've heard and I can't tell you anything about any of them. Literally the least interesting person who has ever lived.
Taking up a slot that could have been filled with some REAL music like Peppa Pig's "My First Album".
Neil Young & Crazy Horse
1/5
45-year old man's midlife crisis album. About as shit as it gets, and of course it had to be over an hour long.
Sonic Youth
4/5
Stinky, smelly, abrasive. Weaponized headache music. Probably the weakest album from the EVOL-Dirty run that I've heard, but I still fuck with it.
Same Sonic Youth opinion I've had for each album still applies: Most pretentious band of all time, but it's fine because the music tickles my brain. Justice for my man Nardwuar, Thurston Moore can eat a bag of dicks.
Red Hot Chili Peppers
3/5
Some undeniable bangers, like "Californication" and "Otherside", which are among the very few radio hits that I'm still not tired of, even after hearing them a trillion times.
RHCP always make their albums super bloated for no reason though. And yeah, Anthony Kiedis is a douchebag.
Probably their best? Ten times better than "Blood Sugar Sex Magik", that's for certain.
The White Stripes
2/5
A complete structureless mess that has no idea what it's doing, what it wants to be doing, and if it's doing what it wants to be doing.
Feels like a bunch of throwaway songs randomly strung together for 44 minutes.
I dislike "Elephant" so there was no way I would enjoy this. Two outta five.
Suede
5/5
Half of this rating is me atoning for my sins of giving Dog Man Star a 3/5 over two years ago, because it has now become one of my favorite albums of all time and my second most streamed album according to Last.fm.
Suede stand out from the homogeneous blob of 90s Britpop by having a much darker, drugged-out sound, and a very distinct production that takes some getting used to. Brett Anderson's vocal delivery works with it very well, same with Bernard Butler's guitar playing (top 5 guitarists of all time by the way, y'all aren't ready for this conversation though).
It sounds like smoking crack behind a strip club. It's unabashedly dirty and gay, and I'm a sucker for it. I love the fact that every time I look up the meaning of a Suede song, there's a 1 in 2 chance of the Genius.com explanation being "This is a song about gay anal sex".
It's a 5/5. So is Dog Man Star. The official Britpop ranking is: Suede > Blur > Pulp > Oasis
David Bowie
3/5
Not a fan of this genre, sorry "The Big Bowster". Still pretty good, but not one of his best.
Radiohead
3/5
The raindrops (x47)
One of their weakest albums in my opinion. A great beginning and end, but the middle is a mess. Probably the only Radiohead album that I'd consider bloated.
It's an alright stepping stone between Amnesiac and In Rainbows, I guess? Not worthy of being on the list though.
Gotan Project
2/5
The kind of shit that plays in the background of those obviously fake prank videos you find on Youtube with a title like "Funny Compilation #87 | Funniest Pranks 2014 😂".
My brain keeps filling in a laughtrack and sped up clips of people looking confused while I listen to this. I feel like I'm in a straitjacket in a white padded cell.
The Style Council
2/5
Even in a world where only 1001 albums ever got released, I'd be like: "Eh, I dunno about including this one on the list".
What the hell is this.
Spiritualized
3/5
A bunch of nothing occasionally interrupted by some of the best music I've ever heard in my life. Every single Spiritualized/Spacemen 3 album that I've heard is like this, so I'm starting to suspect that they keep the guy who knows how to make music locked in a basement and he occasionally escapes and records a song or two without the other guys knowing.
It's pretty good at the end of the day, I guess. I won't return to it, but it didn't bore me. There's much better Dream Pop out there (shoutouts to Souvlaki by Slowdive in particular).
Christine and the Queens
1/5
Only listened to the French half, because I'm not listening to the same album twice in a row and because I felt silly today.
Bullshit music.
Generic radio pop. Zero unique or interesting ideas. A complete waste of time that felt like the audio equivalent of drowning in mud.
U2
4/5
U2 before they signed a binding contract with an evil witch from the bog.
Hard to believe that the same guys who wrote "Sunday Bloody Sunday" and "New Year's Day" would go on to install irremovable malware on everybody's phones and commit tax fraud 30 years later.
This is better than "The Joshua Tree" in my humble opinion.
Peter Gabriel
3/5
This is going to sound pretentious as fuck, but I think this album is too accessible. I prefer Peter Gabriel's earlier work that sounds like he was inhaling spore fumes from a whimsical mushroom land. This feels like getting smacked by a comically large book titled "The 80s - Beginner's Guide".
Still good though. "Sledgehammer" is a classic, and I personally really enjoyed "Mercy Street" as well.
Better than anything Phil Collins has done aside from the Tarzan soundtrack.
Rush
4/5
More of a 2112 guy, as I think this album doesn't really go anywhere after "Limelight". "The Camera Eye" is a particularly long waste of everyone's time.
I don't have any bad words to say about Side A though - "Tom Sawyer" and "YYZ" are gigantic bangers, and the other two songs on there are great as well.
Still a 4/5, but like I said, not my favorite Rush album.
Captain Beefheart & His Magic Band
4/5
Seeing this get generated was a more effective jumpscare than most horror movies. It's gonna be an interesting day.
This album is one of the greatest examples of Stockholm Syndrome. You go into it thinking "What the fuck is this? What's going on?" Until your brain reprograms itself and you start unironically bouncing your leg to Pena. 70 minutes go by, and now you're sitting there like "Why did I enjoy that? Why do I want more of whatever that was?"
Literal brain damage music and it slaps. Hard to believe a fairly insignificant harmonica player made this. This feels like something a group of psychologists would create in order to conduct a study on the human psyche.
Also, normally I hate when an album is not on Spotify and I have to listen to it on Youtube, but the Youtube comments on the reuploads are so good that it's actually a plus. Personal favorites:
• "Played this for my dog and he established an independent city state."
• "This sounds like what old chairs smell like."
• "What a stroke hears when it’s having you"
• "People used to be brought before the Inquisition for expressing this sort of thoughts"
• "If this is the replica, imagine the real thing"
Pet Shop Boys
2/5
Opens with a song titled "Being Boring", which is a much better name for this album in my humble opinion. Why the hell do these guys have 3 albums on the list?
PS1-era Final Fantasy minigame music, except way less cool.
Jazmine Sullivan
1/5
They really just completely gave up when choosing albums from post-2015, huh.
Afrika Bambaataa
3/5
Actually aged pretty well, all things considered. Sounds like the same song for 40 minutes, but it's a fun groove, so it's alright.
Surprisingly decent for somebody who has 4 paragraphs about child sexual abuse allegations on his Wikipedia page. Gonna rate solely based on the music, but yeah, this dude's a real jerk.
Culture Club
2/5
More 80s pop that's one or two hits followed by 10 more songs that feel like the musical equivalent of T-posing.
I don't even like Karma Chameleon, so this was dead on arrival for me.
Marvin Gaye
2/5
Sorry Marvin, but I don't care. Sorry that shit happened to you or whatever. Didn't have to make a 70 minute album about it though.
The Waterboys
4/5
I was expecting to hate this. Like, come on, ugly green cover with the lamest dudes ever just standing there, probably some boring blues music, and it's an hour long? A recipe for disaster.
So, I'm happy to report that I loved it. This is actually a really beautiful celtic folk album that brews a devious potion of farm music and Bilbo Baggins Shire "let's go on a quest"-ass music. It slaps.
Even stayed for some of the bonus tracks. "Carolan's Welcome" specifically was incredible. Powerful shit. Gave me chills.
Strong 4/5. Missed St. Patrick's Day by two weeks.
Throwing Muses
4/5
⚠️⚠️ THE TOP REVIEW IS WRONG!! THAT'S NOT THE CORRECT ALBUM!! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO LISTEN TO THE FIRST 10 SONGS OF "IN A DOGHOUSE"!! https://open.spotify.com/album/6NDHvXHJTWPMhUqiuwosH9?si=vC3nRiM5Ra-lCJ_TQF7dlA ⚠️⚠️
Yeah, cool artistic choice to make your debut album (which is also your most famous, highest-rated one) be only accessible by listening to some random compilation, then releasing another album with the same name as your debut album.
Shit sucks, because this is actually a really solid post-punk record, and I'm sure more people would have given it a fair shot if they knew what the hell they were even supposed to be listening to.
Very reminiscent of Sleater-Kinney, but darker and messier. Almost Sonic Youth-y at times. Your mileage may vary on the singer's goat impression.
Also apparently an influence on the Pixies. This really feels like reading some lost chapter in the history of music. I really enjoyed it.
Pentangle
2/5
Hellish piece of media. You will be hearing from my lawyers.
Violent Femmes
5/5
I don't think anybody has ever captured the feeling of being a horny teenager better than this album. I can feel the loneliness, sexual frustration and jizz-covered napkins through my headphones.
Hypnotizingly unhinged. From the "one day away from a mental breakdown"-type vocals on "Blister in the Sun", to the crazy xylophone solo on "Gone Daddy Gone", this album is a fucking trip man.
Like the musical equivalent of being held at gunpoint by some freak with his dick hanging out. We all know the feeling.
It's either this or Metallica's "Ride the Lightning" for my top 80s album. But honestly, I keep forgetting this one's from the 80s, because it sounds like something that would get released today and nobody would bat an eye at it.
Red Snapper
2/5
You know an album is influential when the Wikipedia article is three sentences long, one of them being about how it's included on this list.
Well, I guess it's satisfactory background noise. Nothing more, nothing less. Who cares. A perfect 5/10.
Kate Bush
3/5
I find Kate Bush's music so extremely structureless that I can never get immersed into her albums.
You can mix and match the instrumentals and vocals on these songs and I don't think I'd even notice. It's like the whole album is being held together by Play-Doh and if I move too suddenly, it's going to implode into a black hole. She has a lot of ideas, but all of them are playing at 50% volume. Does that make sense? I dunno, but I can't explain it any better.
She's at her best when she's doing literally anything else than the art pop she's best known for. That's why the Irish Folk song "Night of the Swallow" is her all-time best work, and why the, uh, Progressive Bulgarian Rock(?) song "Rocket's Tail" is the best on this album.
Same for Björk, who's at her best when she's doing weird fucking electronic alien music for swamp creatures instead of her usual crooning.
Basically what I'm saying is that I don't get it.
Koffi Olomide
1/5
As the earth quaked beneath a sky turned the color of fresh bruises, an ancient, unyielding gate cracked open with a sound that melded thunder with the shattering of eons-old chains. From the abyssal depths, a light not seen by the surface world in millennia—ominous and gleaming with the promise of forgotten dread—poured forth, casting elongated shadows that seemed to writhe in anticipation. The air thickened, heavy with the scent of brimstone and the whispered fears of generations, as if the very atmosphere mourned the unleashing of ancient horrors. This was no mere opening of a gate; it was a rending of the fabric between worlds, a calamity foretold by prophecies etched in the hidden places of the world. Hell's gates had yawned wide, not to welcome the damned, but to unleash upon the earth the pent-up fury and darkness of untold ages.
The Stooges
3/5
Every single proto-punk album is like "This album will SHOCK you, ELECTRIFY you, it's so RAW, LOUD, VULGAR. You will not BELIEVE they put this to tape. It's EVIL and DIRTY."
And then you listen to it and it's some hillbilly singing about how he wants head over badly mixed generic rock instrumentals for 40 minutes.
Despite the gigantic Seinfeld Effect in play, it's still pretty fun. Kind of gets samey by the end, but those first two songs rocked.
Nick Drake
5/5
Basically the Holy Grail of chamber folk. This has to be one of the most unhateable albums of all time, right? I don't really see any reason anybody would dislike this. It's so pretty, yet so depressing at the same time.
The more I listen to this one, the more I think it might actually be better than "Pink Moon". Hits hard at 1AM.
By the way, extremely un-fun fact: Nick Drake died 5 years after this was released. He quite literally had five leaves left. Fuck.
Kelela
3/5
As a person who consider 99% of R&B to be honk-shoo-mimimimi background music, this was actually pretty good. I still wouldn't return to it, but it had something extra that made me want to pay attention to it through the entire runtime, which is a first for me in this genre.
Les Rythmes Digitales
4/5
This actually rocks. I can't believe it's one of the lowest rated albums on the entire list. Up there with The Chemical Brothers and Fatboy Slim. Also catching some Daft Punk and Air vibes. Honestly a really good summary of the late 90s European electronica scene.
My belief is that if this had a normal album cover and not something that looks like an advertisement for the PS1 Pepsiman game, the score would be about 0.5 points higher.
Mudhoney
2/5
Elevator music of grunge. Every song sounded the same and it went on for too long. Not a fan.
Alexander 'Skip' Spence
3/5
Crazy how "Guy has a mental breakdown after abusing drugs and proceeds to record a really fucking weird folk album" is a whole subgenre that exists, because this is like the fifth album with the exact same backstory that I've heard.
Not as enchanting as Syd Barrett's Madcap, not as completely batshit as John Frusciante's Niandra. Just kind of weird. I wish the rest of this album sounded like "Grey/Afro", because that one made me actually feel like I was going insane, and that's exactly what I signed up for today.
Kate Bush
5/5
Side one is, outside of "Running Up That Hill", pretty milquetoast and generic art pop that barely made me feel anything.
Side two is an incredible experimental mishmash of genres. A genuine 10/10 experience and some of the best produced and most creative music I've ever heard.
Said this a few days ago when I was given another Kate Bush album - she's at her best when she's doing literally anything but her main thing. The children crave more weird Celtic pirate music, Kate.
Art pop is out. Goblin music is in. Five out of seven.
Jane's Addiction
4/5
The singer sounds like if the St. Anger snare was a person. Don't know how to describe it better.
Just had "Hounds of Love" yesterday, so this is now the second album in a row that's divided into two parts - a safer first half, and an experimental/progressive second half with an overarching concept.
Second half's the clear winner for me. One second you're listening to bland funk metal, then they suddenly throw a 10-minute long prog epic at you. Good shit.
Sheryl Crow
2/5
Every week, a new white woman country singer gets transported into our dimension through a time rift, along with the innate fact of having sold like seven billion records.
Who the fuck is Sheryl Crow. Ain't that the main guy from Gladiator.
Boring music. Who cares.
Ray Price
2/5
I'm astounded at the fact that the writers of this book can dig up something as obscure and unimportant as this, and then forget that My Chemical Romance exists.
Boo, Ray Price, boo. Get off the stage.
Tears For Fears
4/5
My distaste for 80s synthpop instantly leaves my body like an evil spirit the moment I hear the opening notes of "Everybody Wants To Rule The World".
There's some filler on this album ("I Believe" is boring as hell), but it's still like Top 5 synthpop albums of all time. They really let it all out.
Happy Mondays
2/5
Miles better than "Bummed", but so is committing arson on an orphanage so that's not very high praise.
Poor man's Stone Roses. Starts out pretty solid, but gets annoying fast. Extremely uninteresting band - I lack the fish and chips in my blood to understand why they warrant two entries on this list.
Taylor Swift
3/5
First of all: Pulling the "Just a wittle girlypop forest gal sooo cottage-core!💅🌿•✧˖°🧚🏻" aesthetic, while having the highest CO2 footprint out of any person in recorded history is something a normal society would encase you in a block of concrete for.
Sorry, just had to rant about that before I even listened to the album. Onto the music. It's actually pretty good and I get why she's so big. Even through my distaste for generic pop vocals and the fact that I can't relate to a single lyric, I enjoyed it.
Personally, if I ever woke up in the body of Taylor Swift, I would release a power-industrial album and watch the world plunge into chaos. 3/5.
Dennis Wilson
2/5
Actually, Wilson was the ball. The guy's name was Tom Hanks.
Opens with a great song and then quickly devolves into generic 70s rock. Very interesting read though. The Beach Boys are a rabbit hole.
Jimi Hendrix
4/5
A mess, but an enjoyable mess with some fantastic songs. Starts out pretty weak, then spends an hour being pretty good, before ending on basically the highest note any album has ever ended ("All Along the Watchtower" and "Voodoo Child").
Incredible guitar playing - does it even have to be said? 4/5.
5/5
Every time I listen to this, I think it's going to grow off me, but the opposite happens. This shit's magical, and I don't even consider myself to be a Beatles fan (Abbey Road is a 3/5 album, yawn).
Well done, Ringo and the other guys! You truly rolled the god blunt on this one.
Dolly Parton
2/5
This album sounds like mothballs and dust. I feel like I'm inhaling seven dusty spider corpses while listening to it.
Brings back vivid memories of working in my grandpa's garage. I mean the dusty spider corpses, not the music. 2/5.
Solange
2/5
This might be a horrible take, but I think the deep message of empowerment doesn't work very well when the music accompanying is just completely generic radio R&B. Like, I get what you're saying, but I can't really take it seriously.
Has a fun song or two, but I don't like this genre in general.
4/5
PJ Harvey seems like the sort of lifeform I would find under a rock in the mystical forest over yonder, glowing a bright shade of purpur.
On the same level as "Let England Shake" and "Dry". Love everything I've heard from this woman so far. I have to look into her portfolio more.
Thom Yorke jumpscare. Where the hell did he come from. (Best song on the album, by the way).
Dinosaur Jr.
3/5
Worse than "You're Living All Over Me", because this one doesn't quite capture that feeling of sticking my head in a cement mixer.
"Freak Scene" is the obvious standout, probably one of the best 80s songs in general. Nothing really comes close to it, but I also wouldn't call any song bad or anything. It's just a pretty solid noise rock album overall.
Can't believe some people consider this to be "just noise". Be for real, if Nirvana released this exact same album, you would love every second of it.
Strong 3/5.
Kings of Leon
3/5
Eric Cartman singing cock rock - what is this?
Kinda shit, but in a weird fun way. Doesn't take itself seriously and I can respect that. Some songs sounded like Blur.
Pretenders
2/5
File under "80s new wave where the cover is people standing in front of a bland background with the ugliest font known to man, that I'll completely forget about in less than a week", which has been a frequently recurring theme.
There's better female-fronted new wave bands out there. Get real.
Simon & Garfunkel
4/5
Sounds like Simon & Garfunkel gently tucking me into bed and giving me a kiss on the cheek before turning off the nightlight.
Better than "Bridge Over Troubled Water", because this one has a really fucking funny song about Bob Dylan that was clearly written while Paul Simon was drunk as hell, with a pulsating red vein of pure unbridled rage on his forehead.
3.5/5!
Can
5/5
It's Tago Mago, get real. This is basically The Shining of music - I will not elaborate, it just makes sense.
It's either "Halleluhwah" or King Crimson's "Starless" for the absolute, undoubted best song of all time. That shit doesn't even feel like it was made by humans. It's like it was extracted from an ancient ore on a Jovian moon. Holger Czukay, Damo Suzuki and the boys were on some extraterrestrial kush when they wrote that.
And to address the elephAumgn in the room, those two songs are definitely not as good as the rest of the album, but I think disregarding them as filler and just "weird for the sake of being weird" isn't very fair. "Aumgn" is a creepy soundscape that sounds like an auditory bad trip. "Peking O"'s first half is really funny and the second one goes into an insane groove. The two together might be too much though, and I think just having Aumgn without Peking O would have sufficed. Although the moment it finally loops back into normal music in "Bring Me Coffee and Tea" after half an hour of fuckery is legendary.
Five outta five.
3/5
"Apple Venus was originally planned as a double album, but the group did not have enough money to record all the material they had stockpiled"
... Thank God.
I mean, it's not bad, and "River of Orchids" and "Greenman" are actually incredible, but it drags on for far too long, getting lost up its own ass along the way.
Also, why is this not on Spotify exactly?
Rush
4/5
This was one of the first albums I got obsessed with when I started getting into music, so I know it very well, and still consider it to be my favorite Rush album.
It's lyrically silly, but you can't deny the musicianship. A fun listen if you're in the half of the population that can stand Geddy Lee's voice.
Strong 4/5.
Deep Purple
4/5
Ultimate dad rock. In my case, my dad would always sing the "Smoke on the Water" riff everytime he entered my room like it's his wrestling entrance theme, so I don't think I can go any daddier-rockier than this.
"Highway Star" and "Smoke on the Water" deserve a 4/5 alone. Great album, aged so much better than most other hard rock from this era.
Elastica
2/5
I'm familiar with this one and the controversy surrounding it. Plagiarism be damned, this album is boring as hell one way or the other.
Throwaway rock radio fodder. Ironic that a band called Elastica, would be so plastic - see, now that's clever.
SZA
2/5
Not enough songs about dicks and pussies and asses and cumming and pissing and shitting.
I don't know what's the "Ship of Theseus" threshold for music, but having 14 different producers and 35 different songwriters makes me feel like this should be filed under the processed ham section rather than the artistic statement one, if you get what I'm sayin'.
Slipknot
2/5
Making music like this sound like boring background noise is an achievement.
Slipknot is a singles band. Listening to their albums feels like trudging through a brown swamp with brown trees and brown grass, and everything is so brown and boring, that you don't even care that an alligator bit your dick off.
Not offensive or bad, just really really boring.
Snoop Dogg
3/5
It's alright, but I liked "The Chronic" much more, and this feels like a weaker version of that. Snoop's a cool dude and I like his voice, but it just didn't click that well on a first listen.
Michael Kiwanuka
4/5
Wow, what an interesting find.
Mixes everything from Radiohead to Stevie Wonder with some crunchy Hendrix guitars and lovely soul vocals. A great musical rollercoaster, one of the best post-2010 picks on this list.
Syd Barrett
3/5
Like happily frolicking in a mushroom forest with a microwave on your head.
Musically not the best thing you'll ever hear, but there's just something special about the way Syd Barrett writes his songs that keeps me coming back to this.
Strong 3/5.
Run-D.M.C.
3/5
This is a few reverb fart sound effects away from being a shitpost. Enjoyable in a really goofy way, even if it hasn't aged the best.
Just two guys being dudes and writing dumb shit - I respect it. 3/5.
The Byrds
2/5
When I'm in the "Blandest band of all time" competition and my opponent is The Byrds: 😱😱😱
Swear to god, these guys are to music what a corrugated steel shack is to architecture. It's like if you took The Beatles and removed everything that makes them interesting.
Featuring the world's least interesting cover of "We'll Meet Again" ever conceived. Actually sort of an achievement to make that song not sound emotionally moving in the slightest. Not a fan.
Beyoncé
2/5
An album can only be good if you can imagine the writing process as a bunch of wizards concocting a potion with the eye of newt and wool of bat. If you can only imagine a group of businessmen in suits sitting around a whiteboard, that means something's wrong!
The balance of the universe is wrong, the end is nigh. Beyoncé, you have doomed us all. "The Rot" approaches.
(It's actually not that bad. Like a 5/10)
Tricky
3/5
Donkey Kong Country cave level music if it was evil and twisted.
Goes on for about seven millennia too long, but it was pretty good background noise I suppose. Not on the same level as Mezzanine.
White Denim
2/5
It's like they took the least interesting song off of each King Gizzard album and put them all together.
Has some cool moments (mostly near the end), but like, whatever, dude. Just like the album cover, it's kind of an unremarkable mess.
The Adverts
4/5
This project has squeezed almost all of my enjoyment of early 70s punk out of me, and every time I see one of these British punk albums by some obscure "The ___s" band, I just roll my eyes and get ready for a 2/5 experience..
So I'm happy to report, that this is a hidden gem. More artsy than I expected and a really fun listen. Some songs on here reminded me of Joy Division, but this is a whole year before Unknown Pleasures. Damn impressive.
Common
2/5
Kind of boring, not gonna lie. The most fun I had with this was reading that PhD mathematician dude's review - Shakespeare could never. Got jumpscared by the "Uneven Compromise" sample origin on "Chi-City".
Björk
2/5
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OQlByoPdG6c
David Gray
3/5
A true visionary in the "Background music for your coworker's vacation slideshow" genre. Paved the way for some of the worst shit you've ever heard in your entire life, but in itself, it's actually pretty good.
Goes on for forever though. That final song felt like it was 20 minutes long.
Big Star
4/5
How does this simultaneously sound like it came out in the 1960s, 1970s and 1990s at the same time.
Stays constantly good throughout and never dips into "bad" or rises into "amazing" territories. I'm surprised at how much I enjoyed, because I remember that I could barely stand that "Third/Sister Lovers" album I had like two years ago.
I like the vocals. Sounds a bit like Led Zeppelin at times.
Giant Sand
1/5
"Chore" is a very fitting word to use, because listening to this felt like doing taxes (this is a very original joke that nobody has made yet).
I'm astounded at how many albums with two sentences on their Wikipedia page and like 10k Spotify plays are on this list, because genuinely, how do you dig something like this up and then decide it belongs on the list over fucking Neutral Milk Hotel or Weezer.
I doubt anybody has listened to this album outside the context of this book in the past 10 years.
1/5 for being offensively bland. Boo, I throw rotten tomatae at thee.
Kanye West
3/5
Oh boy.
The intro of "Dark Fantasy" and the entirety of POWER is so good that they single-handedly made everybody not notice the fact that the rest of this album is a bloated mess with some of Kanye's most cringeworthy lyrics.
It's still pretty good, but not on the same level as College Dropout (his actual magnum opus) or Yeezus and Life of Pablo.
And never forget - Kanye West likes fingers in his ass.
Iron Maiden
3/5
Scooby Doo chase music.
Music quite literally doesn't get goofier than whatever you call this "Saturday morning cartoon intro"-ass subgenre of heavy metal, but I guess it's serviceable dumb fun. Very formulaic though. I wish that Bruce Dickinson will one day be free from the evil witch's curse making him do that vocal trill every few seconds.
I think I like "Powerslave" more, but maybe that's because it was the only Iron Maiden album I was familiar with before this project. Still like a strong 3/5 though.
Supergrass
5/5
This sounds like the tutorial level for Cardiacs.
If you put this on and told me it was one of the more accessible Cardiacs albums, I would believe you. But also that would be a really weird thing to lie about, so shame on you.
I love this dumb fun nonsense. Shit works better than any ADHD medicine for me. Five outta five.
Kendrick Lamar
5/5
"It's way too vulgar and he talks about sex and murder too much" - Person who watched Whiplash and thought it was about self improvement.
God fucking damn, this is a masterpiece. I'm kind of split on "To Pimp a Butterfly" (too bloated, some really obnoxious parts), but this one is as good as everybody says it is.
Can't really put it any better than the current top review, so I'll just say that I don't think we're getting another Kendrick/Drake collab anytime soon.
Mekons
2/5
Dirt music. Sounds like shoving dirt into my mouth and swallowing it. Not the biggest fan, but I sort of appreciate what it's doing.
Quicksilver Messenger Service
2/5
Bunch of pointless noodling for 50 minutes with no direction. It's like sitting down and listening to the guy playing a guitar at the subway.
I guess it's better than the Grateful Dead album I had, but I would still throw rotten tomatoes at them and call them stinky.
AC/DC
2/5
Brian Johnson's voice sounds like how IBS feels. I have no idea how people listen to this shit for longer than 10 minutes and avoid the feeling of having to run away in a primal reflex of self-preservation. The walls are closing in.
Also, I wonder if these guys like rocking and having sex. I feel like they should write more songs about those two subjects in particular, because that's really a mystery for the ages. A true conundrum.
Elvis Costello & The Attractions
3/5
Alright, whatever Elvis Costello, I'll give you this one, motherfucker. This one's pretty good.
Still don't get why he's Jesus Christ incarnate for British music magazine reviewers though.
Stereo MC's
3/5
Music that makes you go "Yeah, that sure was music that I just listened to" after listening to it.
...Actually sort of grew on me the more I thought about it during the day. The title track is really good. Might have to give this one a 3/5.
The Go-Betweens
2/5
This is gonna be one of those albums that, when I look back on this project once I'm done, I will have absolutely zero recollection of ever listening to it. It's been a day and even now, I can barely remember it. I know it sounded like really boring Smiths. Another addition to the "British 2/5 nothing-pop" stack, that makes up roughly 25% of this list (and that's a low estimate).
Björk
3/5
It's alright. The big hits are great and "Venus as a Boy" is a genuine 10/10 song, but it sort of feels like something's missing. It's a bit too generic art pop for me.
This was before she went insane and decided that one trillion bleep-bloop sound effects = good music (everything past Vespertine), but also before the Post/Homogenic golden period where she really hit that artistic sweet spot of "just weird enough".
And wanna know the evil fucked up thing? This isn't even her debut. She's a liar. Re-release the album where she sings Beatles and Stevie Wonder covers as a 12-year old - Bjonk you coward.
Fred Neil
2/5
Going from "Guy who made Bob Dylan and David Crosby famous" to "Dolphin activist" is the most insane career switch-up possible and I respect you, big man Fred Neil. Please let my child go.
Also the music's not that great. Guess I'm not in the mood for sad old black-and-white dude music today.
The xx
2/5
The entire car commercial industry hinges on this one album. By erasing it from the timeline, you are essentially erasing 83.7% of Ford SUV market share, so please put the pulsating purple crystals away.
Kinda shit, and I actually really liked their debut.
Blur
5/5
I will stand by this album until I die. This is Blur's masterpiece, and every song on is as good as, if not more, than "Beetlebum" and "Song 2".
It's just really experimental and fun, even surprisingly beautiful at times (I'm talking about "You're so Great". Absolutely incredible song). Like, how can you listen to something like "Theme from Retro" and call this a generic Britpop album? Damon Albarn ate the forbidden fungus and the masses couldn't handle his spore fumes. Happens to the best of us.
Kings of Leon
1/5
I can imagine them scratching their chins around a big whiteboard trying to concoct the world's most obnoxious album. "No no, the part in song 3 at 2:37 isn't obnoxious enough, we need to redo that!"
Pink Floyd
3/5
"You just don't get how deep The Wall is. It's like, there's this wall around him, and the wall symbolizes a wall."
The masses aren't ready to hear this, but this might be the weakest 70s Pink Floyd album. Way too long and disjointed. Not very artsy either when you take away Gerald Scarfe's beautiful animation. This is a very simple story about cutting yourself off from the world, blown up to pompous proportions and an insane length because Roger Waters just couldn't get the point across without having 10 songs where he moans about random shit over the sounds of cattle getting mutilated.
Their previous album had them retelling the entire story of George Orwell's Animal Farm in 3 songs. There is no need. Roger Waters forgot his Adderall. 3/5 - This is a Meddle household.
Blur
4/5
Just had their self-titled album three days ago and I loved it. This one isn't as creative or interesting as that one, but it's still a really fun listen. Sometimes you just really need to sit down and listen to Damon Albarn singing about what he had for breakfast or whatever.
In the "Top 3 Most British Albums Ever Written" list, and the other two spots are both taken up by Kinks albums.
The Coral
2/5
An album so good that even the Wikipedia summary on top of this page is speechless.
Weird pirate Psychedelic Rock if it was sung by the Imagine Dragons guy. Goes from "kinda cool" to "annoying as fuck" in a record time of roughly three songs.
Jack White
4/5
Album no. 900. My time in this realm is coming to an end. The final stretch is here.
I actually really liked this, despite never caring much (at all) about The White Stripes. Turns out the remedy to his curse of only being able to write one song was having to go solo. Lot of variety on this one.
The Crusaders
2/5
Gorgonzola. Gouda. Cheddar. Mozzarella. Brie. Emmenthal. Feta. Parmesan. Camembert. Edam. Mascarpone. Leerdammer. Balkan. Stilton.
Sorry that was just my exercise to try and name as many types of cheese off the top of my head. Nothing to do with the music.
By the way, I didn't even notice that this album ended until like 30 minutes later. Spotify just kept playing songs that sounded exactly the same until I was like, "hey wait a minute, this album is long as he- oh, I'm listening to some Bulgarian jazz band from 1955. The album ended half an hour ago".
..So that should tell you something about the uniqueness and memorability of this project.
Antony and the Johnsons
4/5
The singer sounds like she's currently in the process of being zapped by an electric fence.
I really didn't get this on my first listen, but it clicked hard on the second. Shit's powerful and magical. Hits hard in an empty room at nighttime.
The Mothers Of Invention
4/5
Time warlocks. Look at that guy in the bottom right out here looking like Fred Durst in 1966. The Earth is dodecahedron-shaped, wake up sheeple.
Insanely good Side A and Side B, before getting infected by The Fungus on Side C and slowly fizzling out in a mostly "too weird for its own sake"-kind of way.
Although this is just more proof that Zappa was a genius, man. Genuinely one of the best musicians of all time once you look past his "haha eskimo pee"-era. How do you even write this in '66? That's before "Revolver" and "The Velvet Underground"!
Moral of the story: Apostrophe(') fucking sucks.
Captain Beefheart & His Magic Band
4/5
Seems like it's Quirky Dude June. Yesterday we had Frank Zappa and the Mothers, today it's Captain Beefheart.
Lovely. Fun dumb music for my fun dumb mind. Safer than Trout Mask Replica (and milk, apparently), but that's not really saying much, innit.
"Electricity" vaguely reminded me of a King Gizzard song. Goes to show how ahead of its time this is.
Nico
2/5
Should have been "Desertshore" or "The Marble Index" instead. Nico's voice was made for weird avantgarde bullshit, so some of the pop songs they threw at her on this one are like giving Death Metal to Taylor Swift.
You can tell she wasn't built for this. Her 1981 interview confirms that.
Has a few alright songs, but overall an overlong mess. I feel bad giving this a low score because I love her later work, but this just ain't it.
Listen to "Desertshore".
Method Man
3/5
The evil and lo-fi sound adds a lot to these songs. Probably the weakest Wu-Tang album I've had so far though. First four-or-so tracks were excellent and after that, it just all kind of blended together.
Still alright.
Megadeth
4/5
Dave Mustaine spitting green globs of phlegm into my ear while gargling salt water. Sick riffs, dumb lyrics (that's a plus in thrash metal), dumb fun.
What more could you ask for, except a million dollars, which is a very silly thing to ask for from an album.
Also notice how both Megadeth and Metallica have a dark-blue album cover for their best album, and a dark-orange album cover for their second-best album.
John Martyn
2/5
One half of this sounds like music for montages of zebras prancing around the safari. The other one sounds like porno music.
"Small Hours" is pretty good, but other than that, this is like the 70s equivalent of landfill indie. Landfill prog?
PJ Harvey
4/5
More proof that there will never be another Steve Albini, because how do you make an album sound like a moldy dorm shower.
One of the rawest albums of all time. The white girl IS quirked up, and she WILL kill you.
I agree with the person who said that the instrumentation should have been more industrial. Some songs rely a bit too much on the quiet-loud 90s style.
The Who
3/5
World's most okay concept album. I'm afraid if I say anything else, Pete Townshend will suck me up his nose like the pink character from the Nintendo games.
You might notice that the previous sentence can apply to Kirby or to Birdo. Nintendo might have a thing for pink characters that can suck you up. You might also notice that I haven't said a single word about the album's contents. And to that I repeat yet again - I'm afraid if I say anything else, Pete Townshend will suck me up his nose like the pink character from the Nintendo games.
Raekwon
3/5
The world if 90s hip hop albums were 40 minutes long: https://pbs.twimg.com/media/FA3fij1XMAANQMx.jpg
...He's doing what to cats?
Donald Fagen
4/5
Just straight up a Steely Dan album. You can't even tell that only one of the guys is on here. Maybe the rumors are true and the titular "Steely Dan" (Daniel of Steel) truly is a secret third guy that they keep under the floorboards and steal all their material from.
It's good. I like it. I like Steely Dan. Dogshit font choice on the album cover though, my guy.
Coldcut
4/5
Opens with the worst song, so I was ready to just make my review "Crazy Frog-ass music" and move on, but it got way better as it went on.
This is essentially proto-Avalanches, and it's a lot of fun. Some of the songs on here are actually batshit insane with crazy samples of old cartoons, movies and TV shows, and I love it.
"Theme from Reportage" was apparently used in a Japanese gameshow, and judging by the Youtube comment section being 90% Japanese, this album got really big over there.
Interesting! Really pleasant surprise. 4/5
Ryan Adams
1/5
A man worthy of being punted across the field like a golf ball.
See, the three things in music that don't quite personally tickle my pickle are:
1. overly long albums,
2. country music,
3. music by people with a college thesis-long Controversies section on Wikipedia.
If your album has one of these elements, that's fine, but when you combine all three of them into one, you get a concoction of elements most foul, as if you were a nasty green witch brewing the Potion of the Rot. Want an actually good 2000s country album? Should have been literally anything by Jason Molina instead.
Buena Vista Social Club
2/5
Not for me. Just background music for my ears.
I think the fact that I don't speak Jazz had more of a negative influence on my experience than the fact that I don't speak Spanish. Shame on me, I say!
Also the vibes got kinda ruined, because I listened to this while it was raining outside. This is very much a sunny day album.
Liz Phair
3/5
Currently on 50% power because my earwax has betrayed me and plugged my hearing in my left ear.
Well, I'll tell you one thing, the right audio output of this album sounds better than the entirety of "Exile On Main St.", that's for certain.
Fleetwood Mac
4/5
"This album is boring", I say as gates of hellfire and brimstone open to swallow me whole.
Okay, but seriously, this album is THE pop rock album for a reason. I might not think it's a flawless masterpiece, but like, what are you even doing with your life if you can't find joy in Rumors by Fleetwood Mac.
I say this as a certified boomer rock hater.
Funkadelic
2/5
Damn, sadly not a fan.
Has its moments, but it's a really messy album experience over all. "Maggot Brain" is much better and coherent.
Scott Walker
3/5
Scott "Scott Walker" Walker writes a Disney musical soundtrack because he woke up feeling a bit silly that morning.
The weakest of his four self-titled albums, but still pretty good. Those incredibly over-the-top theatrics tickle my brain for some reason.
Aimee Mann
1/5
Yeah, title checks out.
After listening to this album for seven decades and growing a grey beard, I checked Spotify and was horrified to see that I was still in the middle of the second track.
Incredibly generic snorefest. One of the most pointless inclusions on the list, and that's saying a lot. Didn't sell well, no standout singles, no interesting story behind it, no new ideas .. genuinely what is even the point. 1/5. Waste of my time.
Paul Weller
1/5
Yet another "midlife crisis of a dude 20 years past his prime" kind of album.
It's one of those days when I remember that this book is actually more about old white guys circlejerking each other, rather than an actual showcase of interesting music. Sad, innit, but what can you do. My list would probably suck similar amounts of dick.
Jorge Ben Jor
5/5
This is like crack cocaine being injected straight into my ear. Insanely good.
An incredible gem like this, which I would never seek out on my own, is what makes trudging through the hundreds of "old British guy crooning"-entries on this list all worth it.
First time I've noticed the cuica being used outside of MIDI music. Love that goofy instrument.
Five outta five.
Ananda Shankar
2/5
Goes from "This is awesome" to "Okay, I get it. This guy really likes the sitar." pretty fast.
Not the biggest fan. Interesting concept though.
The Thrills
2/5
"The song "Say It Ain't So" appeared on US President George W. Bush's iPod in 2005." Is the funniest possible thing to have in your Legacy section on Wikipedia.
Singer's doing his best Flaming Lips impression, while the rest of the band are doing their worst Beach Boys impression.
Wouldn't even belong on a 10001 Albums You Must Hear Before You Die list, but I guess it's not bad or anything. Just incredibly, incredibly average.
Beth Orton
2/5
https://image-cdn.essentiallysports.com/wp-content/uploads/twitter_0e20fd2793f617858ae580f542ceada4.jpeg?width=600
The Flaming Lips
3/5
Significantly worse than Yoshimi, even if "Race for the Prize" is the best song they've done.
Wayne Coyne's vocals sound like he's a Victorian child, begging on his knees with big bulbous eyes, for just a tiny nibble of a Snickers bar, that I brought with myself back in time with the sole purpose of poisoning King Louis Philippe I of France (who famously had a nut allergy).
The Monkees
2/5
We, as a society, should do stuff like this again. Let's pick a random woman and dress her up like Taylor Swift, make her sing like Taylor Swift, and name her Baylor Smith or something. We have too many regular industry plants - nobody has the balls to create a true homunculus anymore.
Bad Company
1/5
Calling this bland is an understatement of the century. This is just literally white noise. Plain oatmeal. ChatGPT output for the prompt "generate a generic 70s rock song". Insert other notoriously bland things here.
Extra egregious, because the album cover made me think this could be Krautrock or something at least 1% cooler. Boo.
Joy Division
4/5
Better hits than "Closer", but less consistent.
A post-punk classic regardless of the fact that some songs on here just straight up aren't very good, because tracks like "Disorder" or "New Dawn Fades" can balance out even 30 minutes of non-stop fart sound effects.
"Directionless, so plain to see. A loaded gun won't set you free". Jesus fucking Christ man.
Coldplay
4/5
Listen to "Yellow" while looking out of the window as the sun sets on July 18th 2017 while sipping lukewarm Fanta at a summer resort in southern Croatia, then tell me that Coldplay was never good.
The Dandy Warhols
3/5
Another victim of the evil curse placed onto 90s bands that forced them to stretch out their albums to lengths of over an hour.
This could have been an amazing album if it was only like 30 minutes long. Cut out the weird pointless noodling and Silent Hill ambience at the end. I like atmospheric tracks, but that shit just refused to go anywhere. It was like listening to someone trying and failing to start up their car for 20 minutes.
Beastie Boys
2/5
"Sabotage" is good, but I can't tell you a single thing that happened in this album other than that and the Q-Tip song.
Hard to get the Beastie Boys if you never grew up with them, I guess.
Death In Vegas
3/5
Very interesting album. Sounds a whole lot like Mezzanine by Massive Attack, but with some vaguely post-rocky vibes.
Opening track "Dirge" is like 30x better than any other song on here. Almost feels like it belongs on an entirely different album. Didn't even recognize that was Iggy Pop on "Aisha", but that track was also good.
The Smiths
4/5
Third best thing Morrissey has done after "The Queen is Dead" and shutting the fuck up.
As the only person on the planet who considers this to be better than their debut, I say "hell yeah".
The Divine Comedy
3/5
Thom Yorke's evil clone on the cover.
I don't want to think about your navel hair, Divine Comedy man, fuck you for putting that visual in my head.
This is boring as hell for about 80% of the time and was actively putting me to sleep, until it randomly pulls something crazy out of its ass and the entire orchestra blasts my ears, waking me up, making me think "wow okay, that was really cool", before it goes back to being boring again.
Khaled
1/5
I tried. Listened to the whole thing. Read up on the guy, and okay, seems like this isn't a total asspull addition to the list, but Jesus fucking Christ. No.
I'm sure it goes reasonably hard on a trip to the Sahara or something, but I live in the mountains, man. I feel like a white woman going to a Mexican restaurant and saying 'Konnichiwa" to the waitress. Vibes are off. Can't do it.
Led Zeppelin
5/5
We all know it to be true.
I remember my Spotify breaking once and I was stuck listening to "Moby Dick" on loop for like 20 minutes, and I wasn't even mad. And that's only like the third best song on here.
Ravi Shankar
2/5
Will this be on the test.
Tom Waits
3/5
Silly devious music for sneaking around with a burlap sack full of various gizmos and gadgets on your back.
Can't really say I got the "Tom Waits Vocals Tolerance Gene". Better than that boring blues record of his I had last time though.
Joni Mitchell
2/5
Kinda crazy how "Blue" is so much better than any of her other albums and I don't even know why that is, since all of her songs follow roughly the same structure - for better or for worse. For worse on this album, since I barely even noticed the song transitions.
Rahul Dev Burman
2/5
Guys, I'm starting to think that Robert Dimery is completely clueless when it comes to world music and is picking random shit for the sake of it.
Haha, the original entry on the list was a bootleg of this album? Holy shit, this dude just straight up had no idea what he was doing.
R.E.M.
4/5
I have nothing to say about R.E.M., but this was really good R.E.M. Maybe their second best album.
Now pretend I wrote a whole paragraph explaining all the intricacies and good qualities of all the songs.
Bauhaus
4/5
I love Bauhaus. I love how their singer sounds like he's desperately trying to squeeze out the last bit of turd. I love how unhinged, dark and goofy this album is. I love that zonked panda dude on the cover.
Still would have preferred their debut (that's THE goth record, come on now, how is it not on this list?), but this shit rocks regardless. Strong 4 outta 5!
Roxy Music
4/5
I like how they said, "fuck it, we're going medieval" two thirds into this album. Bryan Ferry you crazy fuck, I know you write music just so you have an artistic reason to look at tits.
Didn't even realize this is post-Brian Eno, because it sounds so much like his early work. Understand why he left though. Can't have two guys named Brian in a band with slightly different name spellings, that's like some Luigi and Waluigi shit.
The Stranglers
4/5
Releasing your debut album and titling it "The Strangles IV" is an underrated bit that I'm surprised not more bands have done.
This immediately tells me these guys are agents of chaos and discord and that this album will be awesome.
Okay yeah I was just taking the piss at first, but this is actually really good. It's like silly Halloween punk rock. The organ and bass players are playing like the lives of their respective families depend on it. Gives it a proggy vibe that sets it apart in the infinite sea of 70s punk rock.
Tim Buckley
4/5
I am incredibly mad at the fact this was picked instead of "Starsailor", not because Starsailor is an incredible, genre-defying masterpiece, but because the reviews for it would have been really funny to read.
This is very safe Tim Buckley. You can tell he was just goofing around on this one. No avantgarde mind-meltingness, just one of the best vocalists of all time flexing on everybody for 40 minutes.
I can respect it. Still would have preferred Starsailor or Lorca though. 4/5.
G. Love & Special Sauce
2/5
"Genre: Blues / Rap" What the fuck is this.
Oh, it's just the Gorillaz after a vasectomy. Not horrible, just really samey and way too long.
The fact that it sounds like a random recording of some homeless guys jamming on the street is sort of charming in a weird way.
Marilyn Manson
2/5
Four Inch Nails.
Only thing longer than this yawnfest is Marilyn Manson's "Controversies" section on Wikipedia.
Justin Timberlake
3/5
Going back in time to stop the invention of the CD so I can prevent all of the 90s-00s albums being over a fucking hour long and turning the album format from an artistic statement into a random assortment of songs.
Didn't go into this with the mindset of a hater, mostly because I know nothing about NSYNC and Justin Timberlake. It was actually pretty good for the first few songs, sort of like diet Michael Jackson vibes, but it just keeps going and going and going.
Still weirdly fun though. Might even be a 3/5.
Public Image Ltd.
3/5
The accursed precursor to music of the penis.
A minimalist motherfucker. Hobgoblin music. Can't believe there were only 2 years between "Nevermind the Bollocks" and this, because this is something you should only drag from the darkest depths of your subconscious after 30 years of being stranded in the Gobi Desert.
I don't exactly love it, but some unabashed weirdo shit is always a nice change of pace.
Queen
2/5
Let's be real here, if this didn't have b(r)and recognition, it would be at like a 2.97/5 global rating.
It's just really average 70s rock. Saying "Queen is a singles band" feels like saying "Water is wet" at this point. Wake me up when Queen release their own signature album - y'know, their own "Dark Side of the Moon" or "Sgt Pepper". Oh, the lad is dead? Well, guess I'm gonna be sleeping for a REALLY long time then. Fuck the world, I eat cheese strips 🖕🖕🖕
Massive Attack
3/5
Every Massive Attack album on this list has just made me think "This is pretty good, but I could be listening to Mezzanine right now".
This one sounds a bit dated. "Mezzanine" sounds like it shouldn't have even been released yet.
American Music Club
3/5
Slowcore? On the 1001 Albums list?
Okay, this actually didn't click with me that well. Mostly because I was expecting more Red House Painters and less "slightly slower R.E.M.". Still good though. Might be a grower.
And as a warning, DO NOT listen to this on Youtube. Multiple songs are missing and the reuploads have the audio quality of WWII combat footage.
Go to Bandcamp instead. The album's free to stream on there.
https://americanmusicclub1.bandcamp.com/album/california-digi-only-release
Sabu
4/5
lmfao this rocks
Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan
1/5
Wait a second, I'm like 85% positive I've already had this one. Curse you Mandela, you dimensional warlock, and your Effect!
Doesn't have a Wikipedia article, but Discogs says that only the first 6 songs were on the original release, so that's what I'm going to listen to, because I'd rather pour molten slag down my urethra than listen to this kind of music for 90 minutes.
Yeah it was exactly what I expected it would be. Appreciate the attempt at diversification, but I guess South Asian music just isn't something my ears were built for.
I feel bad, but I quite literally got 0 enjoyment from this, so I gotta hit it with the 1/5.
The Slits
2/5
Sounds like something is missing. Like they forgot to add the salt. Unsalted music.
There's better 70s girl punk out there, like X-Ray Spex or Siouxsie and the Banshees. Appreciate the boobs though.
The Beach Boys
4/5
For 28 minutes and 55 seconds, I felt loved. Then I recalled the impending heat death of the universe. Fuuck
The Human League
4/5
Actually slaps insanely hard.
I "Dare!" to say, this is actually a good album! *Does a backflip, breaks own neck*
Dion
1/5
Oh how I wish he was born to shut the fuck up instead.
Always funny to see someone's 14th album on this list. Do you mean to tell me that this was so groundbreakingly better than his first 13?
Very bland and boring. Nothing music.
Tom Waits
4/5
I don't consider myself to be a Tom Waits fan in the slightest, but this really spoke to me for some reason.
The highs on here are extremely high. Just get this man some cough medicine finally.
Beck
4/5
Beck asks the brave question: "What if Radiohead was actually just my head stretched out really wide".
This should have sucked major ultra-cock, but it's actually really good. I know this guy from singing about chimpanzees, what do you mean that this is a completely sincere heartbreak album.
Neil Young
4/5
His best one by a considerable margin, in my opinion.
The first half of this is really good. Trails off in the second half, but even that's still listenable.
Should be the final Neil Young album, I think? Can't believe I had to listen to 8 of these, fucking hell.
Creedence Clearwater Revival
3/5
In an alternate universe, every song on this album sounds like "Ramble Tamble".
In that alternate universe, this is in my top 10 albums of all time.
CCR have zero relevance in my part of the world. I have never heard any of these songs in my life, which seems insane, because some of them have the most Spotify streams I've ever seen outside of modern pop.
De La Soul
3/5
Leave my dandruff alone.
Why is this album like 85% skits and 15% music. Listening to this felt like trudging through a scorching desert and each time an actual song started, it was like finding an oasis.
Queen
2/5
This is just Hamilton for boomers.
Boo, go back into the Def Leppard / Journey / Foreigner bin, you are not one of the big boys, and I won't let Hollywood execs gaslight me into thinking that.
Anyways, "Death on Two Legs" is a better song than "Bohemian Rhapsody".
Blondie
4/5
This blonde woman and her army of imperfect clones of Jerry Seinfeld, they know how to cook up a tune.
Their lines were truly parallel on this one. I say it every time and I'll say it again, women are better at punk than men.
My Bloody Valentine
2/5
"Souvlaki" should have been on here instead of giving mbv three spots on the list.
This one isn't very good. They took out everything that made "Loveless" so special and beautiful and replaced it with even more noise. Almost sounds like outtakes from that era.
Emerson, Lake & Palmer
3/5
Inferior version of the Final Fantasy VI soundtrack.
2/5
A true avantgarde piece of art. Something so unbelievably shit that only a genius could come up with it.
Actually belongs on this list, just like how Tommy Wiseau's "The Room" also belongs on the 1001 Movies list.
2/5, I guess? I really have no idea how to rate this. Every song made my enjoyment of the album fluctuate like a D&D dice roll.
MGMT
3/5
Oracular Spectacular? More like Oracular Just Pretty Good.
I say as the gates of hell swallow me up.
Elliott Smith
5/5
Heartbreaking, yet grandiose. A powerful finish for one of the greatest singer-songwriters of all time.
His second best album probably? Hard to beat Either/Or, but this comes very close.
The Incredible String Band
4/5
I have no idea why this is one of the lowest rated albums on the list. It's fairly standard 60s psychedelic folk. Has a pretty cool celtic tinge as well, which made it stand out for me. Some early Pink Floyd vibes as well.
It's good. Yet again, my bizarre infatuation with goofy medieval music carries.
The Icarus Line
1/5
Shit garage rock that goes from "kinda shit" to "really shit" in the span of 53 minutes (why is it so long).
Reading the reviews before listening to this made me think it was going to be some cool noise rock, but it's just extremely generic garage rock that sounds like Jack White's evil talentless cousin.
Tangerine Dream
4/5
It's like listening to that one whale sound section of "Echoes" by Pink Floyd for 30 minutes.
Some fantastic soundscapes. Must listen with headphones.
5/5
Their greenest.
Features probably the best song of all time, and two more songs that are also most likely in the top 50.
Undoubtedly a 10/10 album - an absolute masterpiece.
Lynyrd Skynyrd
2/5
Another insanely popular American album that I have zero emotional connection with, because I'm not American.
Was it worth listening to 36 minutes of the most generic blues rock ever recorded just to hear the "Free Bird" solo? ...Kinda?
"Rossington vomited on the sidewalk seconds after the album cover was taken" Hell yeah brother.
Jane Weaver
3/5
I have no idea what this is, neither does Wikipedia, neither does 99.9% of the userbase from the looks of it.
That being said, it's pretty good. Poppy krautrock? Sounds a bit like Stereolab.
Q-Tip
4/5
If your hip hop album isn't groovy to the point where my left buttcheek is subconsciously vibrating like I'm driving through the most well-kept road in Poland, I don't want it.
Q-Tip delivers like always. Silly man. Never look up the lyrics for "Georgie Porgie" though.
2/5
Listening to Oasis is like shoving saltine crackers down my ear.
By all accounts, I should love this album as an unashamed Britpop apologist, but it's like there's an evil demonic spirit hovering above these songs as I listen to them.
It's not bad actually, but I still feel like I lost 5 years off my lifespan. Curse you, Gallagher brothers.
NEXT DAY EDIT: They just teased an Oasis reunion, what the hell is happening.
Public Enemy
3/5
Hated the first two Public Enemy albums I had, but this one won me over. Easily their best. I finally don't feel like I'm trapped in a Pac-Man arcade machine while an angry black man retells me the fable of Hansel and Gretel. Now I feel like I'm on that interplanetary nebula kush. Hell yeah. Give me more of that. 3/5.
LCD Soundsystem
3/5
Heard that the reason why LCD Soundsystem hasn't released a new album in so long is that somebody showed James Murphy a song that's under 8 minutes and his brain started leaking out of his head.
Heartwarming. U2 invent AI-generated music 20 years before it became a thing.
Psychopath music.
Circle Jerks
2/5
When your album is due at midnight and it's 11:59PM.
Marvin Gaye
4/5
Well, this is just literal sex being directly injected into my brain. Jizzed instantly, thank you Marvin Gaye.
I was expecting this to just be one giant hit followed by some random boring filler, but it's actually really good all the way through. Love to see it.
The Shamen
3/5
Been a while since the last "obscure >1 hour-long electronica album from the 90s that sounds like a PS1 racing game soundtrack".
You know what, this ain't even that bad. Long as fuck and pretty unremarkable, but I've had much worse electronica on here.
The Temptations
2/5
Me and the boys floating through the Meat Dimension.
It's alright? Slightly above having to listen to my thoughts, I guess?
50 Cent
5/5
"He says bad words and talks about sex and drugs :(" Womp womp Melvin, do my homework.
This slaps unfathomably hard. Might genuinely be one of the catchiest albums of all time. The lyrics might not be very deep, some beats sound like Super Mario 64, but nothing beats fun. And this album is a lot of fun. Five.
The Go-Go's
4/5
This is exactly how music should sound like. If every album sounded like this, we would have solved world hunger and had world peace back in 1968, the year of the blue wolf.
Billy Bragg
2/5
Not my type of folk rock. Not a fan of the vocals or the added country twang.
Also there is no way this is "folk punk". Are you trying to tell me this and "Violent Femmes" are the same genre?
Japan
2/5
Duran Duran beta version.
Like most beta versions, this one also feels a bit undercooked. Ends up sounding like completely generic synthpop.
Dead Kennedys
5/5
Jello Biafra always sounds like he just got out of a cold shower. Such a cartoon character. I imagine him spinning around the stage like Taz from Looney Tunes as he sings.
This is how punk's supposed to be done! No endlessly repeating riffs like I'm stuck in the Tesseract, just extremely fast-paced fun and singing about killing children, hell yeah!
Probably Top 3 punk albums for me. Just wish the production wasn't so over the place. Deserves a remaster ("Plastic Surgery Disasters" as well).
Blue Cheer
3/5
Back in the 60s, all you had to do was go "Wait a second, what if we play the guitar like 10% faster" and you've invented a whole new genre and are considered a genius.
Now you can build a brand new instrument in your garage using alien scrolls dug up in the swamps of Tenochtitlan and sample the sound of the Big Bang itself, and people will be like "Hmm yes, this sounds like Berlin School Avantgarde with a smidgen of Post-Minimalistic Neoclassical Darkwave. Very formulaic, very generic."
What I'm trying to say is that all three guys in this band look like imperfect clones of Pink Floyd members.
Prince
1/5
This sounds like a collection of Saturday morning cartoon intros. So unbelievably stupid, what the fuck am I even listening to.
Upon finally finishing this, I have come to the realization that I actively hated every single second. Incredibly obnoxious. Horrible Mickey Mouse vocal performances for 80 minutes.
The Beta Band
3/5
Prime example of how an album cover can impact your enjoyment of an album, because what in Newgrounds flash game is that.
Very weird inclusion, probably compensating for the fact that they can't include "The Three EPs" due to it being a compilation. Still pretty good though.
Orbital
4/5
This would have been a kickass video game soundtrack.
After "Orbital 2" put a sour taste in my mouth over two years ago, this finally won me over. Great boops, great beeps, can imagine Earthworm Jim shooting over it - only three things a good electronica album needs.
Robert Wyatt
3/5
Not bad. "Shleep" was horrible for me because it felt like forced weirdness. This one feels much more genuine, and most importantly, the vocals don't make me want to rip my ears off.
Pretty good, Robert Gyatt.
Muddy Waters
2/5
He truly was at Newport, can't deny that.
Norah Jones
2/5
Yeah... can I get uhhh... an iced espresso.... with uhhh.... no sugar..... and uhhh.... pickles.... *dies instantly in a gamma ray burst that evaporates the entire planet*
The Flying Burrito Brothers
2/5
Young lads singing over Spongebob title card music. Heartwarming.
Forgettable country. Expected something more wacky from a band name like that.
Hüsker Dü
3/5
Album No. 1000. The final stretch is here. Very soon, I will be leaving this realm and ascending to a new one.
I only know "Zen Arcade" by these guys, and I'm surprised they picked this one instead. Sounds like punkier R.E.M. Way too fucking long, but pretty good.
Janis Joplin
3/5
I think I liked the Big Brother album more. This has a more polished sound, and I personally believe this kind of music is way better when it sounds like it's being transmitted from the surface of Iapetus through a walkie-talkie.
Love her voice though.
Barry Adamson
1/5
What.
Peter Frampton
2/5
There are not many word combinations more demonic than "Hour long live hard rock album".
Something I've noticed in my 3 years of going through this list, is the existence of a strange music magazine circlejerk around certain albums with 1-2 big singles. The dichotomy of seeing sentences like "This is considered by Rolling Stone to be one of the greatest live albums of all time" on the album's Wikipedia page, then opening Spotify and seeing that most of the songs don't even have 500k all-time listens usually tells me that I'm going to be listening to some grade-A boomer ass that has aged worse than asbestos-filter cigarettes.
Okay anyways, this ain't that horrifyingly dogshit. The singles are pretty good and I had no idea that "Baby, I Love Your Way" was originally a rock song, because they keep playing the Reggae version in European radios so often that it haunts my dreams.
Talking Heads
2/5
I can't listen to David Byrne's vocals without getting a splitting headache. Something about the way that guy sings makes me feel like the walls are closing in on me. Like a genuine anxiety attack.
I've now heard every pre-'85 studio album of theirs. I think it's time to throw in the towel and admit that I wasn't built for this band.
Tom Waits
1/5
Tom Waits carefully extracting everything I hate in music and putting it all into one devilish concoction.
One hour yapping session over generic_jazz.mp3. Might actually be like top 5 worst things I've had to listen to on here.
King Crimson
5/5
If you put a gun to my head and asked me what the greatest band of all time is, I'd say I have no idea since that's a really subjective thing and also you're being really mean to me right now, but if you then also proceeded to say "pwetty pwease" with big puppy dog eyes, I'd probably cave in and say "King Crimson, I guess.."
This is just a completely flawless album. An honest to god masterpiece that does everything right. ...And it's not even their best work! "Red" is somehow like 3x better!
Ride
4/5
The opening and closing tracks are some of shoegaze's greatest, but the middle never really stuck with me.
I still think this is a good album, but Loveless and especially Souvlaki have it beat by a country mile.
Either a strong 3 or a weak 4 - I'm feeling generous today though.
Jacques Brel
2/5
I prefer Super Mario 64.
"Amsterdam" was jaw-dropping, but then he started baguetting all over the place and I completely lost him.
2/5
Thank god that this is the final U2 album on this list. Now I can finally go back to never having to listen to U2 ever again.
Led Zeppelin
5/5
Pretty much as good as it gets. Hard to add anything new to the discussion, except for the fact that I will defend "The Battle of Evermore" with my life!! You can say "Four Sticks" is below average all you want, but leave the silly Hobbit song alone, man!
Fatboy Slim
2/5
Music for a middle-aged woman's birthday cake presentation.
The Jesus And Mary Chain
3/5
Guy singing in an abandoned airplane hangar over the sound of eighty table saws. Shiver me timbers.
Pretty good once your ears adjust to the noise. Still, this is just worse Stone Roses with a lot of reverb.
The Blue Nile
4/5
Sort of like late XTC and Talk Talk mixed together. I felt happy listening to this :) A very nice surprise, might have to check out the rest of their discography.
Nanci Griffith
3/5
The only "Country" allowed in this household is the glorious nation of Albania 🇦🇱🇦🇱🇦🇱🇦🇱
It's alright. More folk-y than I expected, which was a nice surprise. Simple, cute, enjoyable. Not much else to be said.
The Good, The Bad & The Queen
3/5
Blur goes Radiohead, ends up sounding like generic landfill indie. Interesting concept, lots of very talented people involved, but I don't think it meshes together all that well, and absolutely doesn't deserve a spot on this list. Still, enjoyable enough.
Johnny Cash
4/5
This is good, but now I'm imagining a Johnny Cash covers album of songs that really wouldn't work as Johnny Cash covers. "Through the Fire and the Flames" by Dragonforce, "Sicko Mode" by Travis Scott, "Woodpecker No. 1" by Merzbow. I would pay money to hear some bullshit like that. Alas, rest in peace.
The Psychedelic Furs
3/5
Pretty good post-punk. Only heard the debut by these dudes and this album was better. Not as goth-y as I expected, which is a shame.
The Associates
3/5
One of the lowest rated albums on the list, so I already know this is going to be a good day.
The highs are very high. When they throw any semblance of pop aside and go full insane mode with those goth vocals and the brooding bass, it rocks hard. ("Nude Spoons")
When they do some boring New Wave shit with Tarzan vocals, I lose interest ("Party Fears Two"). Somehow managing to make Gloomy Sunday (aka the "Hungarian Suicide Song") sound like an emotionless U2 song is an achievement in itself.
Dexys Midnight Runners
1/5
Robert Dimery, the fact that you got your first BJ at a Dexys Midnight Runners concert doesn't mean that they deserve to have all three of their albums on the list.
"Neglected masterpiece" my ass, fuck off. 0/5.
10cc
4/5
Reminds me so much of 2010s wacky internet music like Tally Hall and Lemon Demon. Fucking insane that this is from 1974.
I like it a lot. Very pleasant surprise, never even heard of these lads. Rest in peace 10cc, you would have loved Skibidi Toilet.
Taylor Swift
3/5
Taylor Swift is a genuinely evil and unbelievably greedy person that represents everything wrong with the music industry nowadays. From having one of the largest carbon footprints of any single person in recorded history, to re-releasing her "Tortured Poets Department" album 18(!!!) times just to squeeze every single extra cent from her rabid fanbase and screw over upcoming artists from the #1 chart position; I can't believe people consider her to be the "only ethical billionaire".
Rant aside, I kind of enjoy the music itself. I get why people listen to this. It feels like it was engineered in an evil alchemist's lab to appeal to as many people as possible. It's catchy, makes you feel good, the lyrics are the perfect amount of fake-deep to make teenage girls feel like they're consuming high art, Taylor's voice is pleasant to the ears. Whatever, man.
3/5. One point for each 3000 tonnes of carbon emissions Taylor Swift produces in a year. Yass queen, so cottage-core, autumn vibes ✩°｡🧸𓏲⋆.🧺𖦹
The Young Rascals
2/5
The Jizzles. Who fucking cares. I'm not writing anything about this. Next.
Roxy Music
3/5
Enjoyed "Country Life" and the self-titled more. Despite all the cool experimental instrumentals that almost sounded goth (in '73!) at times, I thought this was mostly kind of forgettable. Also slowly getting more and more annoyed by Bryan Ferry's vocal delivery with every Roxy Music album I listen to.
3/5, I guess?
The Bees
2/5
Sadly lacking in the sauce department. I get what it's going for, but all I'm getting is the vivid imagery of car commercials.
Another really weird 2000s pick that somehow made the cut over My Chemical Romance, because music magazine people live in an alternate reality where the Earth revolves around British indie pop and the trees grow sideways.
2/5
Hello ChatGPT, please generate a 90s electronic album with female vocals, thank you.
Best song was the final one, because it sounded fucky.
Wu-Tang Clan
4/5
Seven comically oversized treasure chests of gold coins and gemstones were spent on the production for this. Still sounds like it was released yesterday.
The most 90s hip hop album to ever exist. Awesome, love it. Could have survived with less skits, but what can you do.
The Beta Band
4/5
As the only surviving The Beta Band fan on planet Earth (they all got raptured back in '98), I have to say that this slaps.
A more worthy inclusion than "Heroes to Zeroes" that I got a few weeks back, but I would still have just gone for "The Three EPs" instead.
Elvis Costello & The Attractions
2/5
Number of Elvis Costello songs I've now heard: 65 (5 entire albums)
Number of Elvis Costello songs I remember: 0
This guy's the king of creating the most generic music imaginable. What a whole bunch of nothing.
Skunk Anansie
2/5
This is like an entire album of fake sitcom music.
I don't like it. I completely agree with the reviewer who said that this is overly polished. This is one genre where you really shouldn't strive for this sort of production and polish. All I'm hearing is generic radio music. Obnoxiously average.
Gang Starr
3/5
It's good. Never heard of these guys, but I understand that they're a big deal.
Some vaguely jazzy rap with a bunch of turntable scratching is always a fun time.
3/5
Listening to this was like the audio equivalent of jizzing through my ears for about 10 minutes, and then it quickly got very annoying. It's like when you have too much sugar and your teeth start feeling like they're rotting.
Won't say no to some sugar though. Three outta five. Horrible analogy.
Bob Marley & The Wailers
3/5
Bob Marley is basically impossible to hate, but I also don't get much from his music other than "yeah, I enjoyed that".
So.. yeah, I enjoyed that.
Leonard Cohen
4/5
What if Blackstar was even more depressing?
Leonard Cohen already sounded 80 years old at 30 years old, so I can't even properly describe how this man's voice sounds at 80 years old.
Gravelly and haunting. Very good one.
Ali Farka Touré
2/5
They were truly talking Timbuktu in this one. Somehow really interesting and excruciatingly boring at the same time - a true enigma.
Appreciate some world music once in a while, but I can't really say I enjoyed this one.
Holger Czukay
4/5
If every British New Wave record on this list got replaced by a weird fucking album like this, we could have had world peace back in 2008 (the year of the green wolf).
Noticed that Czukay's voice sounds awfully similar to Kevin Barnes from "Of Montreal". More CAN is always a good thing. Awesome.
The Byrds
3/5
This album sounds how an old woman's wardrobe smells. Music's not bad or anything (nothing special either), but I can feel the dust and mummified moth corpses filling my lungs as I listen to this.
Probably the best of the way too fucking many Byrds albums on this list. Flowed very well, unlike the other ones which felt like they lasted half the lifespan of a Galapagos tortoise. "Eight Miles High" is a good song.
The Vines
3/5
Comes from that point in music history where NME and a lot of music journalists really didn't want to admit the fact that this type of rock music was getting replaced by newer and fresher sounds.
"Guys, look! It's Kurt Cobain!" - They say as they drag two kids in a trenchcoat with a blonde wig from behind the curtain.
Not bad or anything, but belongs on this list about as much as that one weird Silence of the Lambs sequel where they couldn't get Jodie Foster back belongs on a 1001 Movies list.
Sex Pistols
4/5
I've heard that the general consensus is that this hasn't aged well, and is completely outshined by every other punk album that came out after it.
Bullshit - bollocks, even. This still slaps! It's no Metal Box though. (retroactively bumping Metal Box up to a 4/5)
Haircut 100
2/5
Adding this to the list of albums I will never think about for the rest of my life and moving on.
Just 50 more albums until the end. I better get some good shit tomorrow.
Janelle Monáe
5/5
Phineas and Ferb music if they had the budget of seven trillion golden doubloons. Holy shit.
I've known of this album's existence for less than 24 hours and I can safely say that this is my favorite R&B album of all time. I didn't even know the girl from Glass Onion was a singer.
Uhh five outta five!
Merle Haggard
2/5
You know you're in for the most forgettable experience of your life when the country album has a generic white man on the cover next to a tracklist written in Arial font size 12.
After listening, I can indeed confirm that this was the most forgettable experience of my life. I can tell you more about my birth than what happened in this album.
The Lemonheads
2/5
I have no nostalgic connection to this album, so it did nothing for me. It's like fake pop rock they'd play in a 90s sitcom about skateboard bros or something.
Only recognize the "Mrs. Robinson" cover from the radio. It's alright.
Judas Priest
3/5
Those two huge hits aside, this kind of dipped too far into generic arena rock territory in the second half.
Big ass album, but I prefer Painkiller musically. Both deserve to be on here though. I'll have "Breaking the Law" stuck in my head for the next three days.
Black Flag
4/5
Like a really good shit. Two thumbs up! The butt!
Grateful Dead
2/5
Well, it's better than American Beauty at least. Still wouldn't personally base my entire personality around following these guys in a Scooby Doo van, but more power to you, 70s America.
Better jam bands out there.
1/5
Can't fall asleep to this, because the 500dB harmonica could wake up an Ancient Egyptian pharaoh from his thousand year long slumber.
Can't rock out to this, because it's 90 minutes of Bob Dylan mumbling about the time he got an extra chicken nugget in his Happy Meal or something.
Can't have shit. Stuck in perpetual limbo. You've done it again, Robert Zimmerman - and by "it", I mean "me in"! Hey, that was pretty clever. Follow for more Simpsons trivia.
Incredible Bongo Band
3/5
Surprisingly and contrary to everything, not enough bongos.
Pretty fun for a gimmick album, but I don't think I'll ever return to this.
The Triffids
2/5
This is the type of music they'd play in a DreamWorks movie as an animated horse looks longingly at the moon.
Elvis Costello & The Attractions
2/5
Number of Elvis Costello songs I've now heard: 79 (6 entire albums)
Number of Elvis Costello songs I remember: 0
I've now heard every single Costello album on this list and I'm very happy that I can now go on with my life never having to listen to or think about this guy ever again.
Actually sort of impressive to write 6 entire albums of literally nothing.
Foo Fighters
3/5
This is like the best "average music" ever recorded. It's like a 6/10 but the 6 is extra shiny. Does that make sense?
Worthy inclusion on the backstory alone, but I don't think there's many people who'd consider this to be their favorite Foo Fighters album. Three outta five!
Girls Against Boys
4/5
This is like the least offensive post-hardcore album ever made. If you think this is too noisy, you're an actual infant.
If anything, this list deserves more post-hardcore. Where's The Argument? Youth of America? Relationship of Command? Inject that shit into my veins man.
Okay, anyways, this slaps. I doubt there's a single person on planet Earth who would consider this to be their "go-to post-hardcore album", but it's still a lot of fun.
The Sonics
3/5
Made like a dark, fucked up version of the Beatles haha. Just a glimpse into my dark reality. A full stare into my twisted perspective would make most simply go insane lmao
Jokes aside, this actually sort of rocks in a weird way, and I say this as a person who kinda hates garage rock.
The Rolling Stones
2/5
I will never understand what is supposed to make The Rolling Stones stand out in the endless sea of 60s/70s hard rock. The vocals are generic, the guitar playing is generic, the drums are generic, the songwriting is generic.
Feels like a band that should have had like 1 mildly successful album, then faded into the mist.
Kinda fucking hate this weird mix of hard rock and country. You're British, Sir Michael Philip Jagger, you are NOT "rootin'-tootin'".
Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds
3/5
Extremely appropriate and level-headed reaction to getting dumped by PJ Harvey. I'd do the same.
Probably the weakest Nick Cave album I've heard - still a 3/5. Has the song from Shrek 2.
Beck
2/5
Not gonna sugarcoat it, this is a bunch of nothing.
There's already two very good Beck albums on the list, no point in having this one. It's way too safe and boring.
Gil Scott-Heron
3/5
Kinda messy. The opening track was great, but the second half goes completely off the rails with some really, really long spoken word sections that I, a European, have literally no connection to. Uh huh, J. Edgar Hoover, Patrick Gray, Frank Rizzo. Who are three people who have never been in my kitchen.
Watergate.
The Everly Brothers
2/5
If you ever got into a fight with one of the Everly Brothers, they'd roll up their sleeves, buckle their pants, and say "No more Mr. Nice Guy! Lemme at him, lemme at him!", while the other one holds them back, as steam comes out of their ears.
These white boys lack the sauce.
The Teardrop Explodes
3/5
I'm at album 1058, and this final stretch has been nothing but albums like "The Scrungles - Jimmy's Poopy Pants; New Wave/Post-Punk, Released in 1982 in the UK, one mildly successful radio hit, named 62nd best album of '82 by Slugflap Magazine"
Like, this ain't even that bad. If this was one of my first albums generated, I'd be like hell yeah, this kinda slaps, but I'm just completely numb to this shit at this point. I'm gonna need seven year long "New Wave overexposure therapy" after I'm finally done with this list. And these fuckers still put this on here over Neutral Milk Hotel and My Chemical Romance, get real. The frog army is approaching from the west. Get fucking real, man.
The Fall
2/5
Ugh! 😩 My name is Mark E. Smith-ugh! 😩 And my balls itch-ugh! 😩
Did he have that inflection on the other The Fall albums as well? I genuinely can't remember. Man's out here sounding like Heisenberg from Resident Evil Village.
Pere Ubu
2/5
Falls into the same irritating zone as Talking Heads and Devo, a.k.a. my musical arch-nemesis. I can't tell you why this puts me in a state of primal rage, but it just does. Not a fan.
Paul McCartney
3/5
Sounds like he got drunk and recorded this in one afternoon. Probably didn't even remember making it the next day. Not gonna lie, I fuck with it.
Minus 30 points for not being the one with "Temporary Secretary" - Paul's greatest musical achievement.
fIREHOSE
2/5
This is the type of shit that starts playing when you accidentally leave Youtube autoplay on throughout the night. Not even bad or anything, just astronomically uninteresting in every possible way.
Lloyd Cole And The Commotions
2/5
They should call this list "300 Essential Albums and 701 Reasons to Boil British Music Critics in a Witch's Cauldron".
Who even cares anymore. Just 26 more albums until I'm done.
Aretha Franklin
4/5
Even as somebody who is generally apathetic towards Soul and most 50s music in general, this was kind of impossible to not enjoy. Short, sweet and catchy.
"Chain of Fools" is so good that they put it on the album twice. Banger.
Morrissey
3/5
Only Morrissey solo record that doesn't sound like slowly dying of starvation in the Congo Rainforest, mostly thanks to Mick Ronson's production. Lyrics are what you'd expect.
Some really good songs, mostly insanely forgettable - yup, it's a Morrissey solo record.
Drive-By Truckers
2/5
Very standard (alt-?)country rock that goes on forever. A few standout tracks, but also a whole bunch of nothing, especially during the second half.
Took me a while to realize that the Scottish guy was named William Wallace and that they're singing about a completely different Wallace. That should give you a good idea of how well I was following the American political commentary on this one.
Arctic Monkeys
4/5
Gotta love some Arctic Monkeys from before Alex Turner decided that his true passion lies in writing the most boring shit imaginable.
Not as good as "Favourite Worst Nightmare", but still a rare gem in the infinite slop ocean of garage rock revival. What makes this so much better than something like The Black Keys? I'd say "the vibes", but even I don't know what that truly means. Four outta five.
The Darkness
2/5
What if Robert Smith was the lead singer of Spinal Tap but he insisted on doing a Mickey Mouse impression for two thirds of the album?
What the fuck is this. This is not a real album. Who makes this and why.
Simon & Garfunkel
3/5
Underwhelming, to be honest. Can't really do a concept album in 15 minutes. "Mrs Robinson" is great though. So was "Save the Life of My Child" - that one's like 10 years ahead of its time. Weird (in a good way) to hear a Moog synthesizer and sampling in a '68 folk album.
The Flaming Lips
5/5
My favorite Flaming Lips album. It's like a warm hug. Big fan of how Wayne Coyne's vocals sound like this emoji -> 🥹
The first part of the title track is one of the most beautiful songs of all time.
Pretty sure this is going to be my final 5/5 of the list, unless something really surprises me (but from what I know is left, I really doubt it).
Kid Rock
1/5
The best thing Kid Rock has ever done is make really shit music, therefore saving us from really annoying "separate the art from the artist" discussions. Not only does the art suck ass, the artist sucks even more ass.
Gonna be a 0/5 from me for this future Republican nominee for Secretary of State. I don't even like "Rage Against The Machine". Having to listen to a way shittier, misogynistic version of that for a whopping 70 fucking minutes had me feeling like I'm strapped to the Clockwork Orange chair.
Save the turtles.
Scritti Politti
2/5
About as "unremarkable, horribly aged 80s music" as you could possibly get before imploding into a black hole.
If Breakfast Club had become an entire franchise, one of these songs would have played in the Direct-To-DVD sequel "Breakfast Club 6: Vernon's Revenge".
So overproduced it makes your ears go numb. It's almost like a parody.
Kings of Leon
2/5
Your average bland radio rock with two pretty good singles and a bunch of nothing.
It's like U2 for even whiter people. Horrifying, I know.
Marvin Gaye
3/5
This is basically impossible to hate, but I feel like I'm going to hell for not truly loving it - it's just alright. I think that mostly comes from the fact that I find like 99% of soul very samey. Nothing here really stands out music-wise.
Great rainy day vibes though.
Beach House
3/5
Not really sold on Beach House. Pretty generic dream pop, way too overpolished for its own good. Better stuff like this out there - still like a 6/10 though.
Also somebody please tell Wikipedia editors that not every album with reverb is Shoegaze, because this is about as Shoegaze as Frank Sinatra is Death Metal.
Dwight Yoakam
1/5
There's like close to 50 Country albums on this list, and it's amazing how, with extremely rare standouts (like 4 albums), every single one sounds exactly the same and is the exact same level of complete unmemorability and tedium.
It's like I've listened to the same album arranged in slightly different ways 50 times now.
If you sent this book to aliens, they'd think that Nashville, Tennessee was a revered holy site.
The Byrds
3/5
This one is good because it vaguely sounds like goofy medieval music.
Album cover made it look like this was going to be some more honky-tonk country bullshit, but thankfully it's not at all.
Even if there's a whopping 5 Byrds albums on this list, which is like 6 more than there should be, I'm glad that most of them are around 30 minutes long and don't overstay their welcome. Much easier "Artist overkill" to digest than Elvis Costello.
Deep Purple
4/5
It's like Machine Head but they play the 5 minute songs for 18 minutes.
As a fan of overly long drum solos, I approve of this message - it actually rocks.
A really fun mix of hard rock and prog, without feeling too far up its own ass. "Double live album" still remains the scariest combination of words ever written though. Four outta five.
Cee Lo Green
2/5
Cee-Lo Green saying words for 65 minutes. What a professional word sayer. I know he wishes he was Stevie Wonder, but sorry man, you can't be "The Soul Machine" when your voice sounds like A Pimp Named Slickback.
Alright, final 10 albums. Time for the most anticlimactic finale of all time.
Leftfield
3/5
Pretty good, but way too long. That's how it usually is for these 90s British Electronica albums.
Wasn't expecting the Trip-Hop vibes to come in so prominently, so that was a nice surprise and change of pace. Also John Lydon jumpscare.
Okay, you know what, I went in with a hater mindset, but this kind of slaps. A strong 3/5.
Willie Colón & Rubén Blades
4/5
Whoa, awesome! This was so much fun, I'm very pleasantly surprised - what a great find. I've heard like 3 Salsa albums, so not like I have much to compare this with, but this is some good ass Salsa.
My favorite part was when he started doing the Jack Black "fligugigu". Shit's fire. More stuff like this, please.
Morrissey
2/5
Who fucking cares, man. Morrissey's sixth album released almost twenty years after his prime. Just a complete waste of time.
"You Are The Quarry"? Doesn't even mean anything. I'm simply not the quarry.
Stan Getz
2/5
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=leEQ3nz8O-I
The Cult
3/5
Worst album cover of all time, but the music's not that bad. Pretty fun hard rock.
That being said, putting this, a fairly standard hard rock album, on here instead of "Love", their previous album (with their biggest hit) that's a cool mix of hard rock and goth, is another one of those picks that can only be explained with the "Council of Magic 8-Balls" theory. I won't elaborate.
5 albums remain.
Echo And The Bunnymen
2/5
Third Echo and the Bunnymen album. I don't get why I don't vibe with these guys that much. Bit too samey. Not gothic/dark enough.
Four albums remain.
Leonard Cohen
4/5
Leonard Cohen says: "I want that evil shit. Play a devious one." Bob Dylan could never.
Really good. Biggest criticism is that some songs are a bit too long for their own good.
Three albums remain.
Animal Collective
1/5
I am this album's biggest hater.
Wannabe weird bullshit. Putting seven trillion reverb plugins on your lame pop songs doesn't make them psychedelic. Weak lyrics, horribly overproduced, painfully long, plastic, fake. One of indie pop's largest artistic sins. I'm a massive fan of this genre and "weird bullshit" music in general, but I will never understand why this album is considered one of the great ones.
Some please rescue the singer from the bottom of a well.
Two albums remain.
LTJ Bukem
1/5
Loved listening to the amen break for 2 hours on loop. This was a great experience. Make sure you listen to the Youtube reupload, because the Spotify link has the wrong version (the one that begins with "Destiny"). You don't want to miss this.
One album remains.
Skepta
2/5
Konnichiwa.
Well, alright, that's it. The final album. Maybe a more poetic end to the journey would have been a British psychedelic post-punk album from the 80s featuring cameos by Neil Young and Elvis Costello. But I guess some weird album I've never heard of, where the only review I can muster is the 500th new way of saying "Who fucking cares, 2/5", is the second best thing.
See you all in the next life. Thanks for all the great albums I've discovered through this list, all the hilarious and interesting reviews I've had the pleasure to read, the fun Reddit discussions, and thank you to everybody who liked my dumb drivel enough to give it a thumbs up - especially for all the love that "Kollaps" review got (still the lowest rated album though 😞).
I've now heard all of the 1001 Albums You Must Hear Before You Die, but the most important thing, the thing I'm most glad I got to hear before I died, was the story about the boys in Dresden getting head from a fat goth lady.
Who fucking cares, 2/5.
Sayonara.