Journey Complete!
Finisher #2 to complete the list
1086
Albums Rated
2.7
Average Rating
100%
Complete
Arise
Sepultura
Favorite Album
Rating Distribution
Rating Timeline
Taste Profile
1950s
Favorite Decade
Metal
Favorite Genre
US
Top Origin
Critic
Rater Style ?
73
5-Star Albums
105
1-Star Albums
Breakdown
By Genre
By Decade
By Origin
Albums
You Love More Than Most
| Album | You | Global | Diff |
|---|---|---|---|
|
Devil Without A Cause
Kid Rock
|
5 | 2.06 | +2.94 |
|
Scum
Napalm Death
|
5 | 2.07 | +2.93 |
|
Chocolate Starfish And The Hot Dog Flavored Water
Limp Bizkit
|
5 | 2.47 | +2.53 |
|
KE*A*H** (Psalm 69)
Ministry
|
5 | 2.69 | +2.31 |
|
Arise
Sepultura
|
5 | 2.72 | +2.28 |
|
Roots
Sepultura
|
5 | 2.78 | +2.22 |
|
Among The Living
Anthrax
|
5 | 2.85 | +2.15 |
|
Apocalypse Dudes
Turbonegro
|
5 | 2.9 | +2.1 |
|
AmeriKKKa's Most Wanted
Ice Cube
|
5 | 2.93 | +2.07 |
|
Reign In Blood
Slayer
|
5 | 2.96 | +2.04 |
You Love Less Than Most
| Album | You | Global | Diff |
|---|---|---|---|
|
Kid A
Radiohead
|
1 | 3.71 | -2.71 |
|
21
Adele
|
1 | 3.69 | -2.69 |
|
Bringing It All Back Home
Bob Dylan
|
1 | 3.65 | -2.65 |
|
After The Gold Rush
Neil Young
|
1 | 3.64 | -2.64 |
|
A Love Supreme
John Coltrane
|
1 | 3.63 | -2.63 |
|
Gorillaz
Gorillaz
|
1 | 3.53 | -2.53 |
|
The Suburbs
Arcade Fire
|
1 | 3.5 | -2.5 |
|
Blonde On Blonde
Bob Dylan
|
1 | 3.5 | -2.5 |
|
Crosby, Stills & Nash
Crosby, Stills & Nash
|
1 | 3.49 | -2.49 |
|
Blue
Joni Mitchell
|
1 | 3.49 | -2.49 |
Artists
Favorites
| Artist | Albums | Average |
|---|---|---|
| Creedence Clearwater Revival | 3 | 5 |
| Metallica | 4 | 4.5 |
| Queen | 3 | 4.67 |
| Aerosmith | 3 | 4.67 |
| Oasis | 2 | 5 |
| AC/DC | 2 | 5 |
| Megadeth | 2 | 5 |
| Sepultura | 2 | 5 |
| The Pogues | 2 | 5 |
| Van Halen | 2 | 5 |
| Led Zeppelin | 5 | 4.2 |
| Michael Jackson | 3 | 4.33 |
| Nirvana | 3 | 4.33 |
| Johnny Cash | 3 | 4.33 |
| Jimi Hendrix | 3 | 4.33 |
| Black Sabbath | 3 | 4.33 |
Least Favorites
| Artist | Albums | Average |
|---|---|---|
| Bob Dylan | 7 | 1.57 |
| Radiohead | 6 | 1.5 |
| Tom Waits | 5 | 1.4 |
| Joni Mitchell | 4 | 1.25 |
| Leonard Cohen | 5 | 1.6 |
| Neil Young | 4 | 1.5 |
| My Bloody Valentine | 3 | 1.33 |
| The Fall | 3 | 1.33 |
| Kanye West | 3 | 1.33 |
| Tim Buckley | 3 | 1.33 |
| The Specials | 2 | 1 |
| M.I.A. | 2 | 1 |
| Pere Ubu | 2 | 1 |
| Adele | 2 | 1 |
| Public Image Ltd. | 2 | 1 |
| Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds | 5 | 1.8 |
| Björk | 4 | 1.75 |
| Dexys Midnight Runners | 3 | 1.67 |
| The Velvet Underground | 3 | 1.67 |
| Sonic Youth | 5 | 2 |
| Iggy Pop | 2 | 1.5 |
| Fleetwood Mac | 2 | 1.5 |
| Belle & Sebastian | 2 | 1.5 |
| Orbital | 2 | 1.5 |
| Pavement | 2 | 1.5 |
| Billy Bragg | 2 | 1.5 |
| Fairport Convention | 2 | 1.5 |
| Portishead | 2 | 1.5 |
| Captain Beefheart & His Magic Band | 2 | 1.5 |
| Robert Wyatt | 2 | 1.5 |
| Talking Heads | 4 | 2 |
| Elvis Costello & The Attractions | 4 | 2 |
| The Kinks | 4 | 2 |
| Arcade Fire | 3 | 2 |
| The Stooges | 3 | 2 |
| Nick Drake | 3 | 2 |
| Blur | 3 | 2 |
| Van Morrison | 3 | 2 |
Controversial
| Artist | Ratings |
|---|---|
| Curtis Mayfield | 5, 2 |
5-Star Albums (73)
View Album Wall
Popular Reviews
Fiona Apple
2/5
Ok so here we have a 52min (sigh) slab of angry gen X girl quirkiness.... only it's not 1995 anymore. Apple is almost 10 years older than me and all I can think is how immature this is. Every second word was fuck, every second lyric was something like "no, I won't shut up!" etc etc. Are men/the system/record labels/whatever really holding you down in 2020? When you can make an album of this nonsense, using garageband for the music and MS paint for the cover (ie. on a budget of whatever the electricity bill was) and then it charts worldwide? There's no way I can take this sort of shit seriously.
And its Wikipedia entry is baffling - all it does is quote over-the-top gushing reviews. Who on earth could care that much about this artsy nonsense? My guess is these ridiculous reviews were written by either people who care more for her status as feminist icon than her music, or guys who had a crush on her in the late 90s. Didn't anyone in the music press think it was overly long, pretentious crap? This amateur reviewer does. 1 point because she clearly DID put some effort in (even if I don't like the result), and another because she can really sing when she gives it a crack. 2/5.
78 likes
Ute Lemper
2/5
This kind of cabaret-muzak tripe owes 99% of its sales to business entities. The "corporate communications" departments at outfits like the Marriott Group approve it as album of the month, and this moves a few hundred thousand units. It spends its 30 days of patronage on repeat in hotel lobbies and art gallery gift shops, and afterwards it ends up in op-shops. The corporate world then forgets about Ute Lemper because Norah Jones has a new album out, it's lounge jazz covers of Soundgarden songs and for some reason, hotel chain executives think that is a good idea. Meanwhile, the wider public remains mostly unaware of this album's existence. Maybe Ute will have another album in a few years that's picked up in the same fashion, but for the moment she goes back to whatever artsy-fartsy theatrical bubble she came from.
Soon enough the op-shops, inundated with copies of an album no one's ever heard of - let alone care enough about to pay $2 for - give up on trying to sell copies of it as individual units, and include them in bulk lots that are offloaded to Chinese ebay merchants. The CDs remain in warehouses just outside Shenzhen, the ebay listings untouched. This repeats as bulk lots are shifted from reseller to reseller. But the CDs never sell, and after a while they end up in landfill. The booklets disintegrate and the plastic begins to slowly decompose. Climate change eradicates humanity long before the CD cases are broken down into their base elements. Eventually, as the universe expands beyond its ability to maintain thermodynamic energy, everything comes to a slow, frozen, irreversible halt. 2/5.
77 likes
Incredible Bongo Band
3/5
This better have bongos in it lol. Ok it does, lot of fucking bongos. Too many fucking bongos, if I'm honest. 3/5.
74 likes
Sufjan Stevens
2/5
Wow ok, not what I was expecting - I've always thought this guy was a guitarist's guitarist (but one of those ones that fly under the radar cause they write pop songs, kinda like John Mayer or something) - but I was WRONG.
This is "big concept" indie pop from the mid-2000s that we didn't ever need, kinda like arcade fire. This shit all follows the same pattern: it goes absolutely fucking nowhere, but takes forever to do it. Just sickly sweet, repetitive, modern easy listening tripe. I'm sure it gets called "ambitious" a lot, but there's no real ambition here; by the 10min mark you've heard everything it has to offer, but it just keeps on fucking going anyway and you start to gaslight yourself and assume there must be more to it that you're not "getting". But in reality it's just art school hipsters turning like 2 motifs into an hour and 15's worth of album, and then the wankers at outlets like Pitchfork act like it's groundbreaking because they are either a) fooled by the length, b) know pretentious art rock is fucking annoying and talk it up to piss normal people off, or c) both. I'm wondering where you'd be most likely to hear this: one of those hipster cafes where you have to sit on chairs they stole from a primary school? a tiny house owned by a girl who mostly wears a combo of overalls and doc martens? at a local theatre before a reinterpretation of Hamlet from Ophelia's perspective? 2/5.
73 likes
Red Hot Chili Peppers
2/5
This is the soundtrack to going to a house party hosted by a friend of a friend of a friend who just wants to put on some background music that "everyone likes". It has 2 billion plays on Spotify overall, and you know at least half of those plays happened in a VW Golf with a road bike on the roof racks, while the driver sat there in lycra drinking a long black. 2/5 - I'd give it 1 just for being so fucking safe, but truth is it IS kinda catchy. I hate myself for saying that.
57 likes
1-Star Albums (105)
All Ratings
The Auteurs
4/5
Fugees
2/5
Dizzee Rascal
2/5
Manic Street Preachers
3/5
solid 90s vibes, like the "mr jones" band but with more of a miserable Oasis feel. Either way would listen again
Femi Kuti
2/5
I just don't care about this kinda stuff
Dusty Springfield
3/5
The Smashing Pumpkins
4/5
not a bad album, was a big hit when i was a kid and i remember a good few choons off it
4/5
bowie nowhere near as space gay as i remember
Animal Collective
1/5
this was wonky crap, just nothing really interesting going, meandering wuss-rock
My Bloody Valentine
1/5
i thought this band was meant to be good? sounded like shoegazey crap, like the wussiest version of in utero or something
Moby
1/5
just elevator music - it's the sort of thing people who "don't really do music" would have playing at a party. 2/10
Erykah Badu
1/5
not for me - african reggae soul stuff... probably good at what she does but i still didn' like it none!
KISS
4/5
Kiss is good fun, good rockin. Detroit Rock City is a classic. Wouldn't say the whole album is classic, but there are a few absolute corker songs here.
Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds
2/5
fucking offbeat Gen X nonsense
Soundgarden
5/5
love this album, have listened to it countless times
Pink Floyd
3/5
This was better than I thought, although I wouldn't say it's as much of a classic as people think. Just a standard rock opera really. Got nothing on the crimson idol!!!
Robbie Williams
4/5
This was some pretty cool pop music 4/5
Paul Simon
2/5
wussy shit
The Jam
3/5
Pretty cool, like early punk and singer sounded a bit like a cleaner Lemmy
The Beach Boys
3/5
Not THAT bad for a bunch of kmart jingles and then the shit that was too forgettable even for that
Bruce Springsteen
3/5
Don't mind the fucken boss
ABBA
3/5
ABBA is a good bit of fun but it's cheesy shit 7/10 haha
The Byrds
2/5
Boring
Fela Kuti
2/5
More African shit
Orange Juice
4/5
pretty cool, like british new wave but a couple of songs that sounded african-ish? i liked
The Smiths
3/5
it's not really that bad, kinda catchy in a weird way. but it definitely is the soundtrack to suicide in some wussy way, like a sleeping pill overdose
Bad Brains
2/5
pretty wacky, not as good as the other bad brains i've heard, like if faith no more didn't know what they were doing or something
The Offspring
5/5
this is pretty much the best album of all time and i've heard it a kazillion times, it never gets old yewww
Method Man
2/5
pretty boring, just nameless 90s rap like everyone was listening to at the time in high school
Oasis
5/5
it's Oasis, it fuckin rocks. This and whats the story are just gold, plain gold.
Serge Gainsbourg
1/5
wtf, this is absolute crap. like an even less interesting, less musical version of that moby turd. singer just whispers in french with the mic INSIDE his mouth, music is just sporadic jazzy numbers. I'm sure artists think it's cool, but i think it fucken sucks.
Ministry
5/5
omfg yes
Finley Quaye
1/5
More African reggae soul jazz that I struggle to get through. Either this list is very heavy in this stuff, or I'm getting it all right at the start lol.
Beatles
2/5
1 good song (eleanor rigby) + a whole heap of stuff that sounds like kmart jingle fodder, only it's considered some of the best music ever written. either i'm a philistine, or the world is full of idiots.
Joy Division
2/5
this is weirdness, i can't say i hate it but it's also too hard to say I like it. it's like if the sisters of mercy were offbeat to the point it seemed they didn't know what they were doing? it feels like something I could like if it was just a little less out there.
Michael Jackson
4/5
like Jacko is just the king of 80s pop and Bad is just fuckn fantastic 4/5 just cause 1 or 2 of them are wimpy numbers
Nina Simone
3/5
not too bad, definitely not my preferred style but it was good kinda background music jazz. will probably never listen again though lol
Pentangle
3/5
ok this was pretty catchy for hippie folky shit. i bet these guys were like those 60s stoners who loved lord of the rings and rooted on stonehenge at the summer equinox. i ended up listening to 2 full albums lol.
Brian Eno
3/5
Not too bad for ambient stuff but wouldn't say it really took me to a higher plane or anything
Tito Puente
4/5
This is that upbeat latino music they always use in tarantino etc movies to make it seem lighthearted during a shootout etc. pretty friggen catchy tho lol.
Rod Stewart
3/5
this was a whole lot better than i expected, like it kinda rocks in a folksy bluesy way and rod stewart sounded haggard (in a good way) even back when he was like 25. i'll probably never listen to it again but 3/5 all the same lol
Barry Adamson
2/5
It's ok but it's also kinda artsy Gen-X nonsense at the same time. Like it's kinda funky, jazzy, vaguely rock-y "organic drum & bass" or something. Style shifts from song to song. Saxophones and shit at times, no real singing but occasional vocals doing background chants and spoken word stuff. I will probably never listen to it again but it definitely doesn't suck. I reckon old mate knew what he was doing, it just so happens that I don't care about what he was doing haha.
Arcade Fire
2/5
kinda artsy indie rock, not awful but not really that good. just kind of exists in a nice little pleasant space. i'd always wondered what this band sounds like, i thought they were more hard rock. guess not. I feel bad giving it 2/5 cause it's not bad, just not something I'll ever listen to again.
The Fall
1/5
yeah ok some kind of vaguely punk, art rock, anti-music sort of nonsense. you know this is music for people who like to think they "get" it, when really it just isn't very good. it's annoyingly self-referential, uses jarringly dissonant chord progressions (probably on purpose), singer just talks/yells in a grating northern English accent, presumably thinks he's telling poignant stories. 1/5 - I'd give it 2 just because it probably pre-dates black flag and doesn't drag on for an hour, but then I'd feel bad for Arcade Fire yesterday, getting lumped in with this sort of silliness.
Suede
3/5
this is pretty cool, sounds like a cross between maybe U2 and something like Oasis? Might even listen to this again at some point.
Cyndi Lauper
3/5
This is a pretty catchy little poppy number, has girls just wanna have fun and time after time on it, then the rest is pretty forgettable but it's not awful, just kinda dated and goofy. super cool production but, obviously a real session collaboration jobbie.
Sonic Youth
3/5
I'd never heard the full album before but I think I've definintely come across something from it before... it's alright, some of it heads towards a lot of the shoegazey metal stuff I don't mind but overall it was a bit long. Come Across was a really good song, but the singing wasn't great. Either way would listen to a few tunes from it again.
Iggy Pop
2/5
Iggy Pop is fucking overrated. This isn't awful but it doesn't deserve the praise it gets.
The Doors
3/5
it's not bad but it's got nothing on the album with light my fire etc on it
Paul Weller
4/5
I'd never heard of this before but it's kinda rockin, like dad rock style, bluesy and just pub rock really. Wiki says he was in a band called the Jam which I know i've heard but can't remember anything about. some of it sounds a bit like pink floyd but not as annoying. Either way would listen again 4/5.
OutKast
3/5
Not as bad as some rap I've heard from around the time, kinda catchy in places, cool mix of pop and rap, and fuck the chorus in ms jackson is gonna stay in my head for weeks now, but fuck.... no one needs an album that's 1hr 17min. lots of filler, interludes that add nothing, a couple of long plodding songs... would make an absolutely stellar 45min album though.
The Jesus And Mary Chain
3/5
I hate it when I like gen x nonsense like this. it's catchy and every song feels like I've heard it heaps of times, but it's also complete gen x crap. lol.
Radiohead
1/5
I have no clue why people like radiohead. this is as boring as it gets. yeah creep was a good song but it was a real one-off. 0/5.
Television
3/5
this is pretty cool, shoegazey garagey rock but weirdly upbeat? i don't think the term shoegaze was around in 1977 but hey. weird that i'd never heard of this band before.
David Bowie
3/5
this is the second time this has given me a Bowie album, and the second time I've been impressed. But before listening to these albums, every song I'd heard from him (I guess all radio hits ofc) was kinda shit. would have given 4/5 but the last few songs were kinda pointless spacey not-quite-synthwave ambient duds.
Buddy Holly & The Crickets
3/5
catchy stuff, like would happily listen again but can't really judge it cause it's just too old? something like that.
D'Angelo
4/5
I don't really like rnb/soul music but this floated my boat, pretty impressed. and reading wiki the dude is like a musical genius. wrote and played the whole thing himself, produced most as well. crazy that i'd never even heard of it before. 4/5.
Emerson, Lake & Palmer
3/5
eh just run of the mill 70s prog rock, i've heard worse but also way better. probably wouldn't listen again but that's just cause i don't care enough about this stuff, altho I would be tempted to add the 20min song to any prog playlist etc.
The Stooges
2/5
I know this is pretty early for I guess what they'd call proto-punk but honestly it's pretty crap. if these songs turned up on an album today it'd be laughed out of existence. is it seriously true that we couldn't have all those cool punk bands without this? no one's exactly standing on the shoulders of giants here. 2/5 cause there's a slight chance that without it I'd never have heard NOFX.
Wilco
2/5
eh it's not bad but it's background music to a country pub or something. it's kinda country, kinda rock, kinda soul-ish at times, a bit bluesy, just a whole heap of stuff but none of it grabbed my attention. 2/5.
Slipknot
4/5
heard this album countless times, was at exactly the right age when it came out to think it was cool. it still is tbh, full of energy and it's brutal as - I can see why people went "nah this is nu-metal shit ay", but I also think those people are fuckin idiots. 4/5.
Paul Simon
3/5
Ok, this is cooler than I expected. Some cool 80s pub rock vibes almost like aussie bands in places. There's no way Simon is playing some of these solos. there is a lot of American folky bullshit on here kinda like simon & garfunkel (expected I guess) and it's annoying, and there's a reggae tune and i HATE reggae, but I think it gets a 3/5 just for that first solo and not being anywhere near as shit as his earlier stuff.
Fleetwood Mac
2/5
Fleetwood mac is a boring band. I dunno why they're so popular. Like the 70s version of moby or something - music for people who don't listen to music. This album is just a whole bunch of their "hits" that bore the shit out of me. It's not bad, it's just so inoffensively bland that it's like the soundtrack to going for a bike ride in nylon and then going to a cafe afterwards. 2/5 just cause one of the songs was obviously where offspring got the idea for dirty magic from.
Koffi Olomide
3/5
This is pretty catchy stuff, lot of easygoing vibes, I don't understand enough French to know what's being said but I can't imagine it's that super-serious "African man you don't know your identity!" crap like Femi Kuti. I guess it's just good time music? I can picture people getting drunk and partying/dancing to this in the Congo. 3/5
Gene Clark
2/5
This isn't any good but isn't too bad either, kinda sounds like bob dylan or something? a bit folky, a bit country. I'm sure he put a lot of effort into it but it sounds like songs that might have been written in an hour or two each, and it's all one-take playing. Some of the guitars have obvious mistakes/bum notes going on. Will probably never listen again. But I do like the album cover hey. 2/5.
ZZ Top
3/5
ZZ Top rocks pretty hard. This is just kinda solid cool rockin music. La Grange is a classic. 3/5.
Can
3/5
this took a bit to get going but its psychedelic AF after a bit and pretty trippy to listen to with headphones on. everything is panned in weird ways, lots of instruments coming and going, volume swells etc. pretty spacey, there was definitely a bit of drug use going on. 3/5
Patti Smith
2/5
first song is kinda cool but overall far too artsy for me, i bet gen x loves it. nick cave type bullshit just with female singing. 2/5
Doves
3/5
obviously inspired by britpop kinda stuff, kinda like the strokes etc but with softer songs, not just upbeat rock tunes. Drags on a bit too much for me but the good parts are fun 3/5.
Louis Prima
3/5
One of those albums that's a bit too old timey for me to really judge but it's pretty catchy. I reckon it would have been my style of music if I was alive then lol
The Specials
1/5
holy shit this was a struggle to listen to, like a mix of reggae and early-ish punk. dated, ridiculously cliche lyrics, nothing I ever want to hear again. 1/5.
Massive Attack
3/5
not too bad. i've never heard the full album before but I am pretty sure I've come across a couple of songs here and there. MA was a big late-night rage favourite in the 90s. It's kinda catchy but just not my thing, no staying power. like a slightly more interesting, less annoying version of what moby was doing a few years later. 3/5.
Travis
3/5
just kinda soft rock stuff, kinda catchy background music and nowhere near as gay as coldplay. 3/5
Echo And The Bunnymen
3/5
heard killing moon a hundred times but the rest of the album is pretty good too, kinda slightly gloomy gen x nonsense, like a radio-friendly sisters of mercy. 3/5.
Pearl Jam
5/5
LOL just yesterday I was listening to this and wondered if it was on this list, and if so when it would come up. one of the best albums of all time 5/5.
Pink Floyd
3/5
Heard this maybe once or twice before, not too bad, nice cruisey solos etc, but a bit too wishy washy for me. 3/5.
Rush
3/5
This is an album I've heard a few times, and to be fair it's pretty good, they can play fuuuucken well, and I know most of my mates (plus all my favourite bands) list it as a classic... but eh? Other bands did the prog end better, led Zeppelin did the led Zeppelin end better. Plus I think by the time I first heard it I was already so sick of the style I just didn't care. 3/5
Fiona Apple
2/5
I've heard a song or two off this before. It's not bad, just kinda soulsey jazz piano stuff. bit of Gen X wank going on, dragged on too much by the end. Bored me more than it interested me. But I remember seeing the video for criminal in the 90s and thinking jeez i'd be up there like a rat up a drainpipe. 2/5.
Blue Cheer
2/5
I'd heard of Blue Cheer but never heard them... can see why people say they beat Black Sabbath to making the first heavy metal album, but while they might have a similar sound to early sabbath they sure as shit don't have the songwriting. The first two songs are covers and the rest seems to be kinda droney, sludgey jam tracks - a 32min album that felt like it dragged on. My guess is they're all one-take jobbies, probably recorded live. Pretty much everything after the cover songs felt like a "big ending" that just kept going and going. 2/5.
Red Hot Chili Peppers
2/5
This is the soundtrack to going to a house party hosted by a friend of a friend of a friend who just wants to put on some background music that "everyone likes". It has 2 billion plays on Spotify overall, and you know at least half of those plays happened in a VW Golf with a road bike on the roof racks, while the driver sat there in lycra drinking a long black. 2/5 - I'd give it 1 just for being so fucking safe, but truth is it IS kinda catchy. I hate myself for saying that.
Cheap Trick
3/5
This is pretty cool, just good rockin' tunes. I've never really bothered with cheap trick, and I dunno if I'd listen to this again, but I kinda like it. 3/5.
Arcade Fire
1/5
second album by this band on this... and i can safely say that they're fucking boring. just meandering, meaningless shit. it just doesn't end, but it also never goes anywhere. what a load of crap. fuck off. 1/5.
Radiohead
2/5
ok so I don't like radiohead much at all, but I can at least stomach the first two albums in that "I don't like it but at least time doesn't slow to a crawl while it plays" way. there's still a TINY bit of rockin edge to this and htey hadn't gone into full goes-nowhere-rock territory just yet. 2/5 - 1 point because that's the lowest mark, and 1 extra point just because it wasn't as mind-numbingly "fuuuuucking hell, is this over yet?!" boring as radiohead got later on.
Boston
4/5
I've heard more than a feeling a million times but never checked them out. this was fucking cool, melodies for weeks and good mix of rockin and softin'. 4/5.
Tom Waits
1/5
I'd never heard Tom Waits before but I was expecting something a lot different. Maybe I'd confused him with Tom Pettty? (the first song spotify tried to play after the album finished was a Petty tune). It was basically one of those "wacky Gen X" albums, sounded like Nick Cave with the offbeat attitude from that Pogues song "Worms" - I can imagine one side-2 song being like this, but the whole album? No idea who would actually listen to it for fun. I sure wouldn't lol. 1/5.
Electric Light Orchestra
3/5
kinda cool old-schooley proggish rock, a couple of mates of mine are big fans so i've heard a bit before. not gonna make regular rotation but it was pleasant enough.
The Chemical Brothers
4/5
reminded me of being a seedy teenager in the late 90s, and of all those seedy cunts that listen to this type of tweaker shit. great album
Elis Regina
3/5
this kind of foreign language upbeat wanky hipster-cafe jazz was just what i needed on a hungover thursday morning 3/5.
Ice Cube
3/5
I like this album but it's obviously a turning point - not as cypress hill-y as the next one, but you can hear it coming. Like yeah man, we get it you like weed, and it was a good day is a classic, but if you weren't so high maybe you'd have trimmed the fat off this album. 3/5 because it goes way too long but the good parts are still fuckin great.
John Coltrane
1/5
this might be a technical masterpiece but let's be real, jazz is annoying
Dirty Projectors
1/5
Offbeat elitist hipster-pop doesn't get much more up its own arse than this.
Lou Reed
3/5
Not too bad, I don't think I'll ever actually be a Lou Reed fan (he can't sing for shit and his songwriting is that clunky "it was acceptable in the 70s" just-before-punk stuff), but at least this isn't going to make me want to kill myself rather than wait for it to finish... unlike some of the albums on this list. 3/5.
Adam & The Ants
3/5
Some of this is catchy enough, but new wave just feels really dated these days. It's not awful, but I wouldn't listen again. I can hear where DTH got a lot of their sound from tho. 3/5.
Sparks
1/5
How does this silly shit make it into a list of the greatest albums of all time? It's an entire album of songs that should have been a jokey hidden track or something. fuck this. 1/5.
Talking Heads
2/5
more dorky 70s rock.... it's not awful but there really doesn't need to be so much of it on this list. 2/5.
Kanye West
1/5
Sounds like kid-friendly rap, fuckin ridiculous. And again, an album that i'm just not going to like goes for 76 minutes, while anything I do like goes for 35 tops. fuckin hell. 1/5.
Iggy Pop
1/5
fuuuuuuucking hell more wonky 70s shit, i think it's pretty safe to say this is the author's favourite era. fuck it off. 1/5.
The Temptations
3/5
Spotify only had 3 of the songs on this available, thankfully i've heard most of it before over the years anyway. Another example of an album that I don't mind at all going for 35min, while Kanye West and Arcade Fire albums go for over an hour. 3/5.
Jefferson Airplane
3/5
this isn't too bad, nice lil catchy numbers. Thank fuck it wasn't more turd like iggy pop. Also, Jim Carrey did the best version of somebody to love. 3/5.
Minor Threat
4/5
This was a lot cooler than expected... I always figure this early HC stuff is just amateur noise, and it kinda is but it's catchy enough that it doesn't matter. better than black flag 4/5.
3/5
Again the author just showing his love for goofy late 70s rock, but at least Devo is catchy. There are a few jokey nonsense tracks on here but also enough good shit that it wasn't TOTALLY annoying. 3/5.
a-ha
3/5
I mean at this point I want to scream NO MORE FUCKING NEW WAVE but the book is already written. Take on Me is a good little tune, and the rest... some of it sucks, some is passable synthey rock, but hunting high and low holy shit what a fuckin tune!! 3/5.
Nirvana
4/5
Heard it a million times and it's pretty good... but I gotta say AIC and PJ did the unplugged albums better. 10 points to Cobain for making the setlist mostly deep cuts though. and the bowie cover is really goodl. 4/5.
XTC
4/5
this was kinda cool, soft rock-ish stuff meets soft jazz kinda like mr bungle does in parts (for want of a better frame of reference). would listen again 4/5.
Count Basie & His Orchestra
3/5
big band jazz isn't really my thing but this was pretty cool in spots, really dynamic and didn't bore the shit out of me. 3/5.
Teenage Fanclub
3/5
early 90s alt-rock that doesn't really go anywhere, just kinda stares at its own shoes... but not in an annoying way like my bloody valentine. sounds a lot like oasis, but obvs predates them. i'd never heard it before but will probably add it to the "listen every now and then" list along with stuff like soul asylum and the gin blossoms, but not the whole album. dragged on a bit towards the end, the last 4-5 songs seemed to go for about half an hour on their own. 3/5.
LCD Soundsystem
4/5
Ok this is NOT my preferred style of music but it was REAAALLY cool. like 70s gary numan-ish vibes but mixed with modern dance beats and stuff that sounds a bit like U2. And considering it goes for almost an hour and a half and I didn't complain about the length.... fuck yeah. 4/5.
David Bowie
3/5
Another decent Bowie album! There are probably too many of his albums on this list now but they're not bad haha. 3/5.
David Bowie
2/5
this wasn't a bad album but this was TWO BOWIE ALBUMS IN A ROW and like the fourth overall so far... I've had enough of Bowie now thanks dickhead author. 2/5 just because the sheer amount of Bowie in this list is starting to annoy me.
Green Day
5/5
Another album that I still listen to almost weekly. 5/5. I was 10 when it came out and mid 90s green day was just one of those things that was embedded in everyday life at the time, kinda like Smash.
Various Artists
1/5
fuck off, just no
JAY Z
3/5
Honestly this isn't half bad... it's catchy, sounds well produced, is a bit long (pretty much every rap album after like 2000 is tho) and credit where it's due, he does have a good flow. 3/5.
Q-Tip
2/5
kinda like a mix between rap and drum & bass. not really my style - it just exists in a space I don't care about. 2/5 overall - would have given it a 3 cause it's not awful, but the songs all sound too similar. like the whole album uses the exact same formula, just resprayed for each new song.
Queen
4/5
heard it a few times before, really good album, just good classic Queen. some whimsical freddie numbers, some balls-out rockin brian songs, 4/5.
Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers
2/5
Tom Petty just looks fucking annoying on this album cover hey. Music is average 70s rock. I'm sure someone cared about it at some point (obviously the author cause it's one of the 2349023840238432094 albums on this list released in the late 70s) but tbh it's just boring. 2/5.
Booker T. & The MG's
4/5
I know all these tunes but have no idea why... California Games? Movies like the Sandlot Kids? either way it's awesome 4/5.
Nick Drake
2/5
folky nonsense, didn't really go anywhere but wasn't totally awful. 2/5.
Gang Starr
2/5
I guess this falls somewhere between ice cube and ice-t, but it's nowhere near as good as either of those. Sounds like early 90s hip hop but without any samples, nothing really stands out, just plods along and acts a bit too intellectual. 2/5.
Emerson, Lake & Palmer
2/5
I dunno, this is a bit too esoteric/"prog for prog's sake" for me, but some of the instrumental synth/bass/drum bits got going for a few min. 2/5.
5/5
ok this is a classic, not anything I need to say about it. 5/5.
Pretenders
2/5
ENOUGH FUCKING NEW WAVE JESUS CHRIST 2/5.
Belle & Sebastian
2/5
ok this is a hipster's dream. boring folky songs with very light marching beat drums, singer(s?) never raises his voice high enough to know if he can actually sing or not, general sound like the postman pat theme. So inoffensive it makes me want to go commit crimes just to make up for how fucking boring it is. 2/5 because I pity it more than I outright hate it.
Ice T
5/5
Ah this is one of my favourite rap albums ever, maybe my actual fav. imo it's Ice's best outside the BC stuff. 5/5.
M.I.A.
1/5
this shit is just annoying, until now i'd only heard the big single and that was bad enough. this just sucks. the only time there is any actual "tuneage" is when it's basically a butchered cover song, everything else is just banging bongo drums to basic AF synth/bass lines and processed speaking/yelling. the few times she tries to actually sing it's fucking horrendous. 1/5.
Sister Sledge
4/5
This is one of those things I never actively listen to, but even in like 15 seconds of the start of this album I knew I was gonna like it. Catchy AF, cool disco/R&B beats. Must make a mental note to listen to more of this stuff 4/5.
Prince
3/5
Pretty catchy 80s pop, everyone knows little red Corvette and the rest is cool as well but it's super dated to hear in 2021. I can't imagine I'd listen to it again. 3/5.
Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young
2/5
It's like creedence for pussies 2/5.
Living Colour
4/5
Heard this album a fair few times, it's funky and metal and just fuckin cool 4/5.
Deerhunter
2/5
Before listening: no idea what this is going to sound like but I'm kinda expecting hipsters.
While listening: yep, hipsters. Alternative indie rock type stuff, no clue why it's on this list. Boring. 2/5.
After listen: yeah, that was just hipster drivel. Hope someone enjoyed it, cause I didn't.
Fleet Foxes
2/5
This is gonna be hipster shit hey. Aaaaand yep it's some modern folk crap, a hipster's dream. Fuck this. 2/5.
Supertramp
3/5
I've never liked the Supertramp songs I've heard on the radio, too squeaky clean or something. ESPECIALLY that dreamer song. The rest of the album isn't too bad though, just the poppier end of 70s prog I guess. 3/5.
The Cardigans
3/5
it's hipstery alt-pop but somehow also disco... tbh not my thing (and I fuckin KNEW that one song was them, I just couldn't remember the name) altho I did think the lil black sabbath tribute was cool. 3/5.
Black Flag
3/5
eh I dunno... I've heard this a few times and can't say I outright like it. I know it's a cultural milestone of some kind for punk rockers but the music is pretty amateur and apart from a few clever lyrics it's really nothing that cool. 3/5 just cause without it there might not have been cooler bands.
Deep Purple
4/5
not too bad, don't mind a little bit of deep purple. I'd heard Child in Time before (and Black Night obvs but it's a bonus track), and the rest is pretty cool as well. Hard Lovin Man is p thumping. 4/5.
Eminem
4/5
heard most of this at some point over the years, was suuuper popular when I was in high school. holds up well, too. guilty conscience and my name is still rule. 4/5.
Carole King
3/5
this is p cool, I know a few of the songs cause I think it's been on the radio liek a kazillion times. I guess it's "oldies" at this point but it's still catchy. 3/5.
CHIC
4/5
Aw hell yeah... soon as I heard the first little riff I knew I was gonna like it. I think I need to admit that I really, really like disco haha.
edit: the ballad-y songs are kinda bland, should be all upbeat numbers like the first one. 4/5 cause they're not all bangers.
Big Brother & The Holding Company
2/5
before listening: oh god this is gonna be bad... the cover says "janis joplin vocal" so we're gonna start at 1/5 even without hearing a note.
while listening: ok so it's a live album, sounds old-timey rock n roll. joplin not as annoying as solo stuff, sounds almost like robert plant lol.
after listening: ah yeah, not too bad but doesn't really go anywhere. it's ok background music. according to wiki it's a fake live album too, lol. 2/5. 1 point for not boring me to death, another for joplin giving it a red hot go. no points for anything else.
Bob Dylan
2/5
a couple of these songs are kinda cool in that oldy-blues kinda way, but heaps of it is also just go-nowhere introspective shit. and it just doesn't END. seriously, do we need over an hour of meandering country/blues jams? keep it to 30min ffs. fuck bob dylan, anyway. 2/5.
The Young Gods
3/5
Was wondering what this would be - I assumed some kind of Euro alt rock before listening. Wiki says it's industrial but it doesn't sound like the other stuff I've heard... ok by the second song it's more like KMFDM/Ministry/Skinny Puppy etc. Still different to those bands though, like it's more performance art than music. I'd describe the tracks less as songs and more as "pieces", if that makes sense (or Stücke, if I was going to be a wanker about it). Would probably listen again though, probably will. 3/5.
Nirvana
4/5
This album is a banger. I love how the first song just bursts out with dissonant shit, as if to say ha ha check this shit after our last poppy, clean, kazillion-selling album. I can't honestly say I prefer it to nevermind, but the highs are up there imo. Heart shaped box, rape me, dumb, eeaaasily among their best. 4/5.
Fatboy Slim
2/5
Eh this kind of skanky UK techno stuff doesn't do it for me, it never really goes anywhere and drags on too much. I'm sure if I was 10 years older I would love it and have cool memories of doing drugs in dirty dive bar toilets while it played, but it just sounds grimy and annoying really. 2/5.
Ananda Shankar
3/5
This kind of hippie stuff appeals to me right now, mix of Indian sitar stuff and guitars. Not annoying like desi pop. I'm sure this guy is a god to devotees of the Bellingen global festival haha. 3/5.
The Strokes
3/5
Heard this one a few times, it's pretty good. There was a lot of this triple j hipster indie rock getting around in the early 00s, but this is one of the few albums I don't just roll my eyes at. Some cool guitar stuff going on at times. 3/5.
Amy Winehouse
2/5
I don't like Amy Winehouse or the style she sings (I think it's something to do with a "UK sound"), so thank fuck this is only 35min. Gotta give her points for being a big pop singer but not bringing in outside writers, though. 2.5/5 if I could - not sure if I'll give it a 2 or 3.
Sinead O'Connor
2/5
I've heard the big hit on this but kinda interested to know what the rest sounds like. Ok it's basically a mix of pop and kinda new world type stuff. Not much substance. And it turns out the big song was a Prince cover. 2/5.
Kate Bush
2/5
A couple of the songs aren't too bad tbh but it's also full of whimsical artsy stuff that leaves me cold. Sometimes you can hear her lips smack cause the mic is so close to her mouth to pick up the waifier moments... ew. Styles itself as high art because the lyrics are based on penguin classics etc. Not my thing but it also comes across as a total labour of love. 2/5.
Otis Redding
3/5
This is pretty cool, just that oldies-style blues stuff. But like heaps of music with this writing/production etc, it's also that bit too dated for me to honestly rate it in 2021. 3/5?
Cornershop
2/5
Before listening: ok, I'm gonna say this is electronic of some kind, UK sound-esque thing like Fatboy slim.
Not too far off, has that dirty UK sound but it's more of an indie rock take on it. Not really my thing but we'll see how it goes. Ok, one of these songs was a huge hit, forgot it even existed though lol. aaaand it goes super Indian about halfway through, ugh. Doesn't really go anywhere, just exists. 2/5.
Eurythmics
2/5
Been a while since this list annoyed me with more FUCKEN new wave bullshit, good to see it hadn't exhausted its supply. This was even worse than usual new wave in that it wasn't even upbeat, just emo dog shit. 2/5 because it wasn't total anti-music.
The Human League
2/5
The author of this book shouldn't have been allowed to add so much of this fucking late 70s/early 80s new wave post punk pop garbage... I mean sure it was big at the time but it all just sounds the fucking same and he's only got 1001 albums to fit in here... surely all this new wave is taking up space better albums could've had... 2/5 because that's as low as I want to go unless it's actively fucking awful. This stuff is never downright awful, just annoying.
Missy Elliott
2/5
Every skanky girl in my year at school listened to this stuff back in the late 90s/early 00s. I never liked her singles, just sounded like the real trashy end of rap. The full album isn't AS bad as the singles, and tbh the few actual sung songs are pretty good - she can really sing - but it's still full of annoying shit like "Timabaland" and Jay Z chiming in every now and then to let us know how cool they are, and it's got that "street philosophy" going on about life, death and dead rappers that heaps of derros think is really deep... not for me. 2/5.
Johnny Cash
5/5
I don't know anyone who doesn't like Johnny Cash, and this is him at his best. I love how it's a live album but he sounds about the same as in the studio, it's authentic as. 5/5.
Haircut 100
2/5
ugghhh this is going to suck, I'm guessing poppy new wave type stuff looking at the cover. It's quirky looking, the name is dumb.... aaand I'm not wrong, it's basically exactly what I had in my head lol. No idea why this needs to be bookmarked in history. 2/5.
3/5
I've heard some later blur so this could be interesting.
Thoughts: it's really.... English? Like they seem determined to capture the full spectrum of "British rock sounds" from song to song. Some of it sounds beatles-y or maybe the kinks, some queen, the Smiths introspective kinda style, couple of quaint interlude type arrangements from English prog, alt rock like Oasis made huge a few years later, etc. And the lyrics/vocals are hamming it up. It's not too bad though, can't fault the songwriting. Honestly this is a nice one-off listen but it's a bit too English for me to listen to again, it reminds me of summers where you need a jacket. 3/5.
Beastie Boys
4/5
I've heard this a couple a times but can't remember much beyond the singles. This album is dated in 2021, almost sounds like jokey tv ad rap it's that old, but it's still catchy as. Some of the time it sounds like Gilbert Gottfried screaming over samples haha. 4/5.
Michael Jackson
4/5
Yeah there's a pretty good reason this is agreed upon as one of the best albums of all time, at the very least one of the best pop albums. It's crazy that no one has managed to top it in almost 40 years. Going by modern pop, that's not gonna happen any time soon lol. The hits deserve to be classics, the rest is p good too. I think apart from the big songs on it I prefer Off The Wall just cause it's got more of that 70s disco feel, but it's still getting a 5/5.
Led Zeppelin
4/5
This isn't their best but it's still led zep goodness. Goes too long tbh and some of the tracks jam out too much but it's still a solid 4/5.
Beatles
3/5
I've always thought the Beatles are one of the most overrated bands of all time. It's not BAD (it's honestly pretty catchy) but it just simply isn't the high point of pop culture people claim. This album is full of cheesy 60s shit lyrics, doesn't even have the innuendo other artists SLIPPED IN to get past the smut police. It's a 3/5.
Orbital
2/5
And it's more UK 90s techno. Author really lets you know when he has favourite little scenes - this is a complete non event of an album and there's no legit reason it should be on the list. Just nameless, boring techno. And 75 minutes of it! 2/5.
Roni Size
2/5
More scungy UK electronic shit... guess this is my punishment for complaining about it yesterday? And this time an hour and 20 minutes! About halfway in now and it all sounds exactly the same... ugh, fuck this. 2/5.
Leonard Cohen
2/5
I've never actually heard this guy outside that annoying song Jeff Buckley covered. Aaaand it's American 60s folk rock, hoorah. I was expecting he'd be able to at least sing but he can't. It's so fucking amateur! I guess the lyrics are what sucks all the wannabe hippies in. Also, for 40min album this goes for a fucking AGE. Legend status denied. 2/5.
Missy Elliott
2/5
Seriously, another missy Elliott album? The author of this book really did just fill gaps wherever hey. This just went on and on and on without end, yet another nameless rap album from the late 90s when it lost all character and started to sound like generic mass produced crap. This is the rap equivalent of poison or nelson. 2/5.
Wu-Tang Clan
3/5
I know I've heard some of this before but can't remember much about it. It's pretty good, most of them know what they're doing, and it has that mid 90s swagger I love that seems to exist across all sorts of genres. Maybe it's the production? Not gonna end up in regular rotation, bit too much of a deep cut in a genre I don't really care that much about, but solid 3/5.
Bob Marley & The Wailers
2/5
I've never liked Bob Marley but listening to it now, the real problem with it isn't that the music outright sucks - it's that it's been hijacked over the years by champagne hippies who are all style over substance. Not my thing, but not as obnoxious as expected. It's slow, introspective and probably good to sway along to if you're stoned - there's that swing feel wankers describe as "chill".
I'm not a convert and I'll still avoid beach bars in Asia because of it, but I should redirect my hate away from Bob himself haha. 2/5.
AC/DC
5/5
lol I almost shouldn't listen, I've heard this album a kazillion times. I'll admit I prefer their 80s stuff but this is my fav of the Bon era. A lot more oomph than the albums before it, and imo where sooo many 80s metal bands got their ideas... and Airbourne too haha. 5/5.
Kraftwerk
3/5
I've heard this before but can only remember that it was the very early end of synth-driven (no pun lol) music. It's pretty primitive but has this real rich sound to it, like I remember old video games or movie music sounding like... maybe even how I imagined golden age sci fi "sounded" when I was a kid, haha. I'm guessing it's that Moog sound I'm describing there. It's pretty dated in 2021 so hard to honestly rate, but I'll give it a 3/5 for pleasantly reminding me of something I can't quite put my finger on. Not much music does that.
John Prine
3/5
I mean if this isn't country, or at least some yank folk rock, I'll eat my hat. haha ok the lyrics are great, it almost borders on joke rock so far. Hard to tell if it's a pisstake on country or a genuine effort. Wiki seems to think it's more of a genuine attempt at writing sarcastic hot takes and not the country version of steel panther or anything. I think they might be right. In any case, it's pretty catchy but it did get pretty samey, I'd had enough by the end. 3/5.
The Flaming Lips
2/5
Everyone knows OF the flaming lips but tbh I can't think of anyone who actually likes them. I have a vague idea of what to expect, but interested to see what a full album is like. Ok so it's hard to listen to with headphones. The panning of the drums is off, mostly in the right and then there's a synth in the same frequencies on the left... this shouldn't have been allowed lol. And wiki is GUSHING over it... it's ok? It kinda seems like alt rock aiming for the stars. Not sure about the hype - seems more everyone thinking it's wonderful for its ambition rather than the end product. Again, it's ok. Old mate still hasn't learnt to sing since that ridiculous shit in the early 90s. 2/5 cause it's draaaaging towards the end.
The White Stripes
4/5
Never outright listened to this full album but I know Peppa used to listen to it all the time when we lived together... interested to see if I like it 15 years later haha. I've always kinda had an admiration for their style/weirdness etc, even if I never liked the music much.
Ok, way better than I gave it credit for at the time. It's got a cool energy to it. Meg can't sing, but she bashes the drums good. Jack has shit together. Songs are varied and it doesn't seem to drag. 4/5 will probably even listen again someday haha.
Billy Joel
4/5
I've never listened to the album but I've heard a few songs from it on the radio/rage/etc. I'll probably recognise a couple of others as well. Easy 4/5. Billy Joel might be a real prick but jeez he can write a song. I guess Elton John comparisons? Either way I'm gonna remember this album for background drinking music etc (for when I get bored of malevolent creation ha ha ha)
Cream
3/5
Never heard this but it's one of those bands I "should have heard already". All I really know is that it's Eric Clapton.
So far seems pretty cool, nice and bluesy but with that kinda 60s psychedelic touch. I didn't know sunshine of your love was these guys. Mad hippie shit hey. I dunno, this is another one that is just too tied to a specific time - almost 20 years before I was born - for me to really judge it. It's not awful, to be fair. 3/5. Would go well on weed I guess? haha.
Alanis Morissette
3/5
I haven't heard this full album since I was a kid when Alice had the tape. Will be fun to listen through again, probably get a bit long towards the end tho. The bigger songs from it are still on the radio so that's gotta say something. The lyrics are pretty cringey, lots of cliche "basic white girl" stuff going on. Mostly it reeks of a teenager trying to write "adult" songs (which it basically is). I know everyone has pointed out how none of the things in ironic are actually ironic, and I know Alanis has pretended it's all a big joke and she was in on the gag the whole time, but if so, why is the rest of it so fucking humourless? But that being said it's catchy enough with its poppy version of the grunge feel. I didn't know Dave Navarro and Flea were on the big single. Cool. 3/5.
Creedence Clearwater Revival
5/5
Everyone loves creedence, including me. Haven't listened to this album explicitly but I know a heap of the songs already. Maybe a full 5/5? After listen: yep.
R.E.M.
4/5
I've heard 2 songs from this but never bothered with 80s REM on the whole, so kinda interested to see if this grabs me. First song is pretty cool, kinda heavier rock than I expected. The rest is really good, this is a great album. 4/5 easy. Would give it 5 but Michael Stipe hates Australia so gotta chip him for that lol.
Marvin Gaye
3/5
The original sex soundtrack haha. I've heard the title track but the rest is an unknown. So far pretty cool, nice and easygoing. I probably wouldn't put this in my regular listening playlist, but it's been pretty enjoyable. 3/5.
Steely Dan
3/5
I have no idea what to expect here, I've only heard their one big hit and it's not on this... It's a bit more disco/funky then expected, but still just rock. Like softer but similar to early Toto maybe? Gets pretty jazzy here and there but without actually being jazz, which is a good thing. 3/5 - 1 for not being a genre I've been beaten over the head with already in this list, 1 for being good musos and 1 for apparently being a couple of real weirdos haha
Joan Armatrading
3/5
Ok not much to go on by the cover, very obviously 70s photo stock and an acoustic guitar. Ok it's kinda folky rock with country bits, other times a bit funky... all over the place but catchy. Singing sounds a bit like Joni Mitchell or something. It doesn't do much for me but I'm giving it a 3 because 2 feels too low, and I'm not slagging it off, it just doesn't interest me.
The Beach Boys
2/5
This.... isn't very good? The jingles are gone, it's all serious, heaps of introspective meandering shit. I guess the success of the Beatles got to them? Apparently it was a hit. I think it's lame. 2/5.
Depeche Mode
2/5
I've never really listened to depeche mode but I know they're one of those groups with a cult following. Problem is those "cultists" are always people who say things like "oh I don't just listen to <metal subgenre>, I also like depeche mode and skinny puppy..." as if you're really stretching your musical legs branching out to the sisters of mercy, lol.
Anyway this sounds like EBM with a bit more going on, like if EBM is the reinheitsgebot of electronic music, depeche mode isn't quite a craft beer, but also isn't a macrobrew - maybe something like coopers? I can't honestly say this album belongs on any list of must-hears. It just exists. I wouldn't say it sucks, but it doesn't go anywhere, there's no spark (even if that's kinda what they aim for?), no real bits that make me sit up and go "wow!". 2/5.
Extra note: the song personal jesus is familiar. But like only the chorus, and then it must be from a cover? I'm sure I've never heard this original.
Belle & Sebastian
1/5
I didn't like the last album by these guys here. Only on the first song but it sounds just as annoying. Fuck this. 1/5. uuuuuugh it's even worse a few songs in, this cunt can't sing and the music is so fucking bland I want to scream. 0/5. Fuck the author of this book.
Depeche Mode
3/5
Another Depeche mode album... ok buddy. The world doesn't need to listen to this much new wave, it just doesn't. Fuck off. I've always been skeptical of this band anyway, its fans are always the sort of people that think the lyrics are inspired by great philosophers etc. That end of the music fan spectrum is full of aspies who love this shit. No doubt if I searched I'd pretty quickly find nerds commenting on "the intersectionality of Hegelian tradition reflecting the human condition" on half the tracks here.
This album is ok tbh, catchy enough and it's better than the last Depeche mode album I had (2 days ago). Fair bit darker, almost sisters of mercy dark. So it gets points for that. Truth be told this album IS worthy, it's just the other one that wasn't really. 3/5.
The Waterboys
3/5
This is pretty cool, just Irish kinda rock. Only criticism is that it gets a bit old towards the end, like most other stuff in this genre I've heard before. I think the Irish pub rock scene could do with restraint - there's no need to add 60 renditions of folk songs onto the second half of every album. 3/5 all the same.
Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds
2/5
I honestly can't believe a Nick Cave album from 2004 needs to be in the list. Sigh. And of course it goes for almost an hour and a half. I'm getting pretty sick of listening to music I don't really like, haha.
And yeah... there are a few ok songs on this, but mostly it's that annoying "dark" Nick Cave gen x shit I just don't care about. I dunno whether to give it a 2 or 3 - if it was just one album it'd be a 3, I think. But it just goes nowhere for far too long, and Cave's shtick bores me. 2/5.
Iron Butterfly
2/5
I know the title track but never heard the rest... could be cool, we'll see. Wasn't really as cool as I'd hoped, just kinda jam-band hippie stuff. Title track has never been a huge favourite or anything, but pretty indicative of the rest anyway. 2/5.
The Flaming Lips
2/5
Really, more flaming lips? I can't honestly believe that this band would release an album in 2002 that needs to be heard. Ok so the first song was cool but was a total ripoff of I think a Simon and Garfunkel song, the rest is crap (so far, about halfway in). Old mate can't really sing, either. 2/5.
Neil Young & Crazy Horse
3/5
I'm not super-hyped on listening to Neil Young tbh... I've heard a bit here and there and it's just bland. That 2000s-style Pearl Jam seems to be obsessed with him is damnation enough. I've heard Cinnamon Girl but not sure on the rest. It's honestly not too bad for that American folky-rock late 60s shit, but.... eh? Post-listen: it was ok but went absolutely nowhere. I guess that's kinda the idea with this genre, but it bores me. 3/5 though, just because it wasn't BAD and 2 needs to be reserved for SHIT.
Iron Maiden
4/5
Finally a metal album on this thing, but it's the crappy end of maiden. The first album is alright, there are a few good songs on it but the singing is shithouse. Still, even the crappy end of maiden is pretty good. The guitar and bass is fuckin great, and Transylvania is one hell of a tune. 4/5.
Red Hot Chili Peppers
4/5
Heard this a kazillion times, some of it is classic. Drags on a tiny bit towards the end though. 4/5.
The Pharcyde
3/5
This must be hip hop, going by the cover? I've never heard of it though, and I thought I at least knew OF most bigger albums from the time. Ok so far this is pretty good, fairly upbeat and has that old school beat style. will never listen again, but this was fun as a once-off. 3/5.
The Go-Go's
2/5
Oh good, some new wave. It's been a few days. Fucking hell. Like this is kinda ok, there's nothing wrong with it, but it really is unremarkable, and why is there so fucking much of it on this list?!?!?! It ain't RIGHT, damn it. 2/5.
Bauhaus
3/5
I know of Bauhaus but never heard them. This kinda industrial/EBM/goth stuff is something I'm both interested in and skeptical of. Some of it is cool, some is a real pain to sit through tho, especially the early stuff (and this is 81).
Ok this is catchy, has that early industrial ebm kinda rawness but it's almost surf rocky in a way. I know it is at least close to predating the Misfits, but there's a horrorpunk vibe to it almost, at least the more rockabilly kinda end. I think it's just a shame the production is so dated - it sounds almost antique in 2021. Compare to an album like floodland, which was only 5-6 years later etc. Not too bad though, better than expected 3/5.
Metallica
5/5
Best produced album of all time in any genre. Just classic solid songwriting & playing, can't fault it in any way at all. Would have been a great time to be in your early 20s with a mullet. 5/5.
David Bowie
3/5
It's not a bad album - tbh I thought it was pretty good - but again, there is too much Bowie going on here. 3/5.
The Streets
1/5
I'm expecting this to sound like the strokes. Ok fuck it's UK rap. Fuck. Alright it's got that fit but you know it song on it. This is gonna be a struggle. This fucking sucks. I love how wiki says it's the war of the worlds of its decade... that's the point you have to admit not all decades were created equal. This is horrid and obnoxious. 1/5.
The Byrds
4/5
This is pretty cool, nice and cruisy. Well written, good songs, almost doesn't feel like it's 50 years old. 4/5.
Jurassic 5
3/5
This is a lot better than expected for 2000s rap. Sounds pretty old school most of the time. Not sure why everyone gushes over shit like Kanye West and Jay Z when this exists. 3/5.
Morrissey
3/5
I dunno what to expect from a Morrissey solo album. Kinda keen? First song name is funny but I'm already bored of the entry level America criticism stuff. See how the rest goes. Second song is really cool. Lyrics are annoying when I listen to them, music and vocal melodies are good if I don't hear the words. Album cover is pure arrogance. Got old towards the end - every song sounded the same and had the same "ooh look at me I'm an edgelord" attitude. Still, 3/5.
Harry Nilsson
2/5
Had never heard of this guy, was expecting US folk rock... it kinda was in places, but also more poppy like the Beatles or Beach Boys as well. Was pretty harmless, but I will never listen to it again. Not honestly bad, but even now 2 hours later I can't remember anything beyond that. 2/5.
Marvin Gaye
2/5
This album is fucking boring. I don't care what it's about. He can whine about his divorce all he wants, it's not a good album. Pretty telling that no one cared about it until he died. More proof that posthumous acclaim is pretty much always unwarranted. And it goes FOREVER, fucking hell. 2/5.
Fred Neil
3/5
This is a hard one to guess by the cover, doesn't really scream "trope!" or anything. I'm almost thinking it'll be something unexpected, like religious songs or strings/piano/flamenco guitar instrumentals. I don't think this list goes that far away from rock/pop but who knows.
Ok it's... country, but with a hippie twist? It sounds like Johnny Cash or Roy Orbison, but then there's sitar all through it etc. Guess I read wiki now lol. Ok, wiki says it's folk rock, but ehhh, that just feels like a catch term for anything with hippie influence at the time, like an ideological line was drawn so they could say it wasn't country. And apparently he wrote songs for the big O, so there's that connection. tbh I like it. Might listen to this again even. 3/5.
Neil Young & Crazy Horse
4/5
This is pretty good, better than other Neil Young I've heard. Just good country rock. I think I gotta give it a 4 hey. I'll listen to this again for sure.
Peter Tosh
2/5
Oh Christ here we go lol. I don't really mind this but it's just such cliche wannabe hippie fodder I find it hard to take seriously. This was better than the Bob Marley album tbh, although like all reggae it was just one "trick" rearranged a bunch of times. 2/5.
Al Green
2/5
This is pretty bland. It's not awful, but even at half an hour (including two covers) it's too long. 2/5.
The Jon Spencer Blues Explosion
2/5
haha ok this is a hot ol load of Gen X shit right here! I gotta give it a 2/5 just for being so boldly awful, but I do actually really hate it
Mylo
3/5
So far cruisy house kinda music? I'm not that with electronic genres (boom, it was!). Not awful, and it's pleasant enough for 4am easy listening, but it gets a bit long in the second half. 3/5.
Paul McCartney and Wings
3/5
I don't really like the Beatles much so no idea what to expect here. I know band on the run but I had no idea it was McCartney. This is better than the Beatles, still a bit clunky though. 3/5
Bert Jansch
3/5
This looks like it's gonna be folk music. Yep, acoustic but not country really... ok according to Wiki it's Scottish though (I was expecting American). Guitar work is really cool, but it's hard to judge otherwise - feels too old-timey. 3/5.
Santana
4/5
I know I've heard this before and remember thinking it was pretty cool. Some cruisy Latin nonsense is just what I need to ease me through this morning's mild hangover. 4/5.
The Divine Comedy
3/5
Yeah this is ok but a bit long-winded, the novelty of whatever genre this is wears off p quickly. Too much "Gen X being all offbeat again!" going on. Seems like the songs are well written, but... meh? 3/5.
Super Furry Animals
2/5
I was expecting electronic music going by the cover, but instead it's more UK rock. This shit all just sounds the same - it's not bad, but I'm bored of the sound. It's really.... pretentious/ambitious/etc, but it's actually just long, pompous pop songs and a lot of samples, vocal layering etc. I mean there's a song called "juxtaposed" ffs. 2/5. Would have been a 3 but it just goes way too long.
The Rolling Stones
3/5
I've never cared about the rolling stones. I don't know why so many "rock guys" think they're the beginning of music as we know it. Like Keith Richards is the first guitarist that mattered. I don't care how immortal he supposedly is. It just sounds like bluesy rock. I guess they get a pass for being less annoying than the Beatles. A couple of the songs have cool solos, too. 3/5.
Steve Earle
3/5
Not a huge country fan but this is the sort of thing I can tap my foot to for half an hour or so. It's kinda cruisy, rocks enough, doesn't overstay its welcome. I'd never heard Earle apart from Copperhead Road, this sounds about the same. 3/5.
The Byrds
3/5
This is the second Byrds album on here. It's kinda spacey, but also still has a bunch of traditional folk sounding songs on it. Some of the guitar work is like faking solos haha. Guess this was right when everything kinda changed just before the late 60s? Ultimately it doesn't do much for me, although it's a happy enough little album. 3/5.
Beatles
4/5
This album isn't bad, I'd even say it's pretty damn good, but it hasn't transcended time and space like the music critics would like you to think. The songs are pretty varied, but it's really easy to tell where it was a Paul song, or George song etc - the entire flavour of the album changes from song to song, which isn't a plus imo. Also, the "standard"-sounding songs kinda ruin the effect of the more experimental stuff by proxy. I can see why Lennon complained about McCartney's "granny" music haha. But it's hard to hate songs like octopuses garden - it is honestly good songwriting. 4/5.
Bruce Springsteen
3/5
Gotta hand it to the boss for being cool. This is a fun album but it does seem a bit long even at 40min, just cause every song is almost identical. It's a good song though. 3/5.
The Band
3/5
Ok this is gonna be late 60s folk rock for sure. And it is but not as super folky as I expected. It's not bad or good, it just is. Rock n roll and perfect harmonies etc etc. Boring by about halfway through, but not shit so 3/5.
The Roots
3/5
This is alright, couldn't say it's the best of all time but it's better than the "big bling hip hop" of the early 2000s. Still too long and not very memorable though.
Public Enemy
4/5
This album is fkn cool. If modern hip hop sounded like this I'd buy every new album coming out. 4/5.
Megadeth
5/5
lol this has been one of my favourite albums since I was about 14. Not my fav Megadeth but still a damn classic. 5/5.
Elton John
5/5
I know the first two songs (fucking amazing) and a few other tracks as well. If the rest of the album is as good as those this is heading for a 5. Ok, and it is! This is going in my regular listening, what an album. I knew Elton could write a song, but this is way better than expected. 5/5.
Grateful Dead
3/5
The grateful dead has an awesome name but their music is boring. This is no exception. I know they're like the dictionary entry on hippie rock, but... eh? This just sounds like that half country folk rock shit, same as the rest. 3/5 because I have no good excuse to give it less.
Suede
3/5
I didn't realise this wasn't the "cum on feel the noize" band and was thinking "wow, they managed to stay relevant into the 90s" haha. But yeah, not bad for britpop. About as good as I've heard apart from Oasis first 2 albums. 3/5.
Simon & Garfunkel
2/5
ugh I'm getting pretty bored of the US folk shit. Seems every second day I'm getting it atm. 2/5.
Machito
3/5
This is pretty cool, thankfully not a "modern jazz" sound that's all based on maths and technical ability but more I guess a feel? kinda like blues but without pentatonics? Either way it's a catchy album from a bygone era, so it's cool but hard to judge. A song or two from it would go well on a summertime drinking playlist, but it's too samey to add the whole thing. just choose a couple of choice cuts and that'll do. 3/5,
Wire
2/5
Ok so this is just some late 70s punk nonsense like everything else from the time in this book. Sounds exactly like you'd expect - jangly, English, boring. 2/5.
Elvis Costello & The Attractions
2/5
I've heard a bit of this guy but not sure if this album. Wiki describes it as new wave/post punk (ew) but the first song isn't. aaaaand never mind, by the second song it's the same old. The entire album isn't new wave, most of it is just rock really, but it is pretty boring. Went nowhere. 2/5.
Judas Priest
3/5
Pretty good, not as cool as other Judas priest but still a good mix of heavy metal and hard rock. a good few guitar solos and everyone loves breaking the law. Sounds a bit dated in 2021 though. 3/5.
Elvis Costello
2/5
I had another Elvis Costello album just two days ago. Not really keen on more so soon, but open mind! haha. Apparently SIX of his albums are in the book ffs. I guess it'll at least be interesting to hear what he was doing in the mid 90s. Ok, and the answer is a poppy version of like whatever the Lemonheads were doing, or soul asylum etc. Fancy that - new wave no longer in! 2/5 cause it goes too long.
Common
2/5
Not much going on here. Not outright bad, but definitely not good. Just exists, mildly sucking. I kept forgetting it was even on. 2/5.
Boards of Canada
3/5
This wasn't too bad, just cruisey electronica or something. I probably won't listen to it ever again, but it was ok to do the WHM breathing to haha.
Elliott Smith
2/5
ok this is suuuuper boring and goes nowhere. Like watching paint dry. 2/5.
Sex Pistols
4/5
This is a pretty fun album, surprisingly well written and played considering everyone thinks they were hopeless. Holidays in the sun in particular is a bona fide banger. And it aged well! 4/5.
Primal Scream
3/5
This isn't bad, just a whole lot of 1990s sounds for an hour. I'll never listen to it again but it wasn't a TOTAL chore. Went a bit too long though, wore out its welcome. Gen X must be proud. 3/5.
Aretha Franklin
3/5
I don't really care about this sort of stuff. But it's kinda dated to the point it's all Kmart jingles in 2021 and they get stuck in your head for weeks at a time anyway. 3/5.
Lambchop
2/5
It was impossible to tell what this was by the cover. And it's like a modern version of folk rock, hurrah. What a hilariously over-represented genre in this list. I'd be outright laughing if this album wasn't such a snoozefest. 2/5
Jimi Hendrix
4/5
aw hell yea, love the Hendrix. This is how u make a strat sound fkn huge. 4/5.
Sarah Vaughan
2/5
This sounds ancient and is real one trick pony jazz. Was gonna give it a 3 but it started to annoy me by halfway through so 2/5.
Tim Buckley
2/5
Oh god is gonna be more folk rock. Far too much of it at this point. This adds nothing to the world of music, just seems to be yet another album from that 5-year period that only the editors of this book seem to care about. 2/5.
The Sabres Of Paradise
2/5
cover looks like it might be rockabilly, but it's from the 90s. hmm. might also be techno cause dancehall etc. haha ok it's dank 90s techno. lol and of COURSE it's from the uk. classic 1001 albums editor shenanigans. i'll give it a chance, but at 1hr 16min there's no way this isn't gonna be WAY TOO FUCKING LONG. it's pretty... minimalist? granted I'm only on about minute 8 of 75, but I think I have a pretty good idea what to expect the rest of the time. And ok yep an hour later, that was pretty lame! This would have been a 3 if it didn't stay out its welcome, because it wasn't THAT bad for the first couple of songs. But the full thing? uuughhh, fuckin hell. 2/5.
Dr. Octagon
3/5
This is a cool cover, hoping it's not just rap lol. It has to be though. Or something like gorillaz. Ok it's rap. Surprisingly badly produced given the awesome cover art. Songs are pretty good though, it's catchy enough in its amateur way. 3/5.
Brian Eno
3/5
This was 50/50 cool and shit. Some of it was borderline new wave dog shit, some was cool ambient stuff. 3/5.
Leonard Cohen
2/5
I know people think the "sad old man" routine is deep, but it bores me. I don't even think I liked Johnny Cash's version of it, and I genuinely like Cash. Cohen is just like an older generation's Nick Cave - style over substance, impresses hipsters. There were moments of vague coolness but mostly this was a chore. I was bored by the second song. 2/5.
The Lemonheads
3/5
i heard this once or twice a few years ago when i had a bit of a period of listening to this early 90s alternative almost-grunge type stuff. it's not bad, but is a bit samey. a bit whiney in spots. 3/5.
Sepultura
5/5
I listen to this album a few times a week, have done since I was about 12 (I'm 37 now lol). It's metal perfection, simple as that. I couldn't think of anything I'd change - everything is exactly as it should be. Scott Burns deserves a fucking award for the production, too. 5/5.
New York Dolls
3/5
I don't think I've ever actually heard these guys before, although heaps of bands I like rate them. Ok it sounds like a punkier version of the rolling stones, which is about what I expected I guess. But it's catchy in that "fun enough sleaze rock that I would never accuse of being fantastic" kinda way. And it really drives home just how unoriginal Faster Pussycat was, hahaha. 3/5.
Green Day
3/5
Why on earth is the lame end of Green Day on this? This is a band that should never have tried to "grow up". 3/5.
The Temptations
3/5
This was ok? Kinda dated, not as cool as other disco I've heard. 3/5.
Flamin' Groovies
3/5
just a bit of bluesy rock, but has that kinda proto-punk 70s sound coming through a bit. not too bad but I'll probably never listen again. 3/5.
Ghostface Killah
3/5
Wasn't too bad considering its not my thing and went for over an hour. Some really catchy tunes among the filler. 3/5.
ZZ Top
4/5
A few of these songs have been burned into my memory after years of hearing them, but this is catchy stuff. Couldn't bring myself to give it less than 4/5.
Bee Gees
3/5
Gotta give this a 3/5 cause even though it went for fucking FOREVER it was kinda cool at least some of the time. Kinda realised that there was this point in the late 60s where all those bands who'd just gotten popular on the back of the 60s rock a la Beatles sound had gotten sick of it, wanted to experiment etc - this is like 50% "safe" songs like the ones John Lennon started complaining about the beatles making about the same time, and then 50% trying to break away from the safe stuff, as if to say "ok the times are a-changing but we're just gonna dip our toes in for the moment". The first song is... huge. Totally aiming for the sky kinda stuff, wasn't expecting that kinda thing from a 60s band.
Hugh Masekela
3/5
Ahhh it's jazz, what can I say? Not a huge fan but I can appreciate the effort that goes into it. And there were a few songs here I actually enjoyed! Too long though, didn't need to be over an hour. 3/5.
Billie Holiday
3/5
This sounds super dated in 2021 and tbh the "jazz singer does other people's songs" thing never really sat well with me... but this has some kind of charm to it. I was bored on the first song, but as it went on I just kept listening and listening. I can see why she's regarded as a classic singer. It's captivating in a weird way. 3/5, but it's a high 3.
Eric Clapton
3/5
This was alright, can't fault it but it also didn't really do anything for me. The reggae touch sucks though. 3/5.
Pet Shop Boys
4/5
ok this is cool... something I'd never actually listen to without being shown, but wow. I only remember their cover of go west as a kid, and west end girls. But this is super cruisy, tasteful etc etc. can't say I'd call it dance music, but more something to chuck on in the background while you come down haha. But it's really nice. A total 4/5.
Gillian Welch
3/5
eh waify country, not my style. I'm gonna give it a 3 because some of the guitarwork is good enough that giving it a 2 would feel like I'm dissing it, which I'm not. But I wouldn't willingly listen to this kind of thing.
Love
2/5
Eh more boring typical late 60s shit. 2/5.
Queens of the Stone Age
3/5
Don't mind a bit of QOTSA, couldn't say they'll ever be my favourite band or anything but I always enjoy it. I don't think I've heard this album before, but so far sounds pretty cool. I want to give it a 4, but it'll probably just be a 3.
Alice Cooper
3/5
Don't mind a bit of AC, can't say it's all time but it is pretty damn catchy and rocks. 3/5.
2/5
Lame rock n roll messiness. I'm sure it's inspirational to heaps of early punks and blah blah blah, but 2/5.
Country Joe & The Fish
2/5
1967, stupid "psychedelic" looking album cover..... ugh they're really just keeping it to a few key themes in this list. and yeah it sounds exactly as the cover looks. I guess it gets a point for authenticity there. and another point because it doesn't make me actively sick. but after enough albums from this late-60s period they all start to sound the same, even if some were considered wildly counterculture and others not. and to this album's credit, I'm sure all these fucking cliches were fresh in 1967. but there's this timestamp on almost everything from this ~3 year period in the late 60s, and I am bored of that timestamp filling this list. 2/5.
Coldplay
3/5
I've only heard Coldplay's hits and thought it was too mopey, go-nowhere soft rock type stuff for me. So this may be a struggle (or at best, it could be good background music.) Ok, I'll do pros and cons:
pros: it's relatively short for an album released in 2000, keeping to the golden 40min or so. the guitarwork is tasty in places, lots of minor key stuff that I don't mind in heavier music or stuff like Oasis. Some of the tracks were pretty dynamic, relatively big changes that created a vibe etc.
cons: it's whiny and pretty samey, lots of meandering, introspective, self-indulgent jams. the singing is generic soft voice stuff, can get pretty annoying tbh. probably my biggest criticism is that it sounds like a watered down version of post-rock, which even though it isn't my fav genre, does have its moments.
overall: it's better than I expected, but to be a total music snob, it feels more like an entry point for bigger things than any real destination of its own. 3/5 because for what it is, it's competent and once you acclimatise to the vocals it's pretty listenable.
Rufus Wainwright
2/5
Judging by the cover I want to guess this is world music, or some acoustic type thing inspired by softer led zeppelin? the artwork is sorta that fantasy-type shit you see in junk shops, priced at like $80 per 10cm-high statue. either way, *points like Varg* let's find out!
...aaaaaand it's super soft pop rock. similar to Muse or Arcade Fire? I don't want to just say "pretentious".... but it's pretty fucking pretentious lol. So far pretty samey, ambitious but mopey. Hoping it picks up a bit.
.....aaaaand ONE HOUR LATER: somehow, this album needed an entire hour to go absolutely nowhere. every song was identical, all just based on a handful of overused ideas. THAT's the truly depressing thing about it: it's like kicking your valium habit by taking so much valium it kills you. 2/5.
My Bloody Valentine
2/5
This is the second album I've had by this band on here, and the second time I've wondered why. Is there a reason anyone needs to hear shoegaze before they die? Is it coincidence if it makes me want to kill myself? Occasionally this album accidentally breaks into something resembling melody and song structure - "when you sleep" being the obvious example - but only for a few moments before going back to its reverb and feedback safe space. It's like listening to a garage band whose guitarist has just bought a multi-effects pedal and can only go a couple of minutes before fucking around with dumb sounds no one else cares about. 2/5.
Funkadelic
4/5
Ok, this wasn't what I was expecting... the first 10min is literally just a big, bluesy guitar solo. The only "funky" thing about it is the wah. Either way, fuckin cool for early 70s. Rest of the album is complete songs, I wouldn't really say funk so much as rock with a funk edge. Catchy and fun with spooky vibes in the keyboards/samples/FX. Kinda feels like Jimi Hendrix meets Santana with a bit of b-movie silliness thrown in. 4/5, probably in reality a 3 but it gets an extra point for being a fun surprise.
This morning the site first recommended Transformer by Lou Reed, but shat itself when I tried to add my savage thoughts on that turd. Then it reloaded to this album.... weird bug. Fuck I hope I don't get that Lou Reed album tomorrow :(
Eagles
3/5
"I hate the fuckin' Eagles, man!"
This isn't too bad though. It's that kinda easy listening rock that's so inoffensive it almost feels unfair disliking it. It'd definitely wear out its welcome after an hour, but at 35min it gets a pass. Some rockers, some plodders, no tracks either side of "alright" apart from Take it Easy and Tryin', which are good. It's hard to rate overall - it's exactly what it is, no ambition whatsoever but maybe you wouldn't want that anyway? 3.001/5.
The Byrds
2/5
fuuuuucking hell MORE crud from the tail end of the 60s. It's crazy that the editors of this book consciously excluded classical music (and rationalised that), but included 600 albums from this one 3-year period from 67-69, as if it's some fucking golden age of creativity. TBF this album is listenable, it's just more middling American folk/country that's too inoffensive to feel strongly about in any way, but as with pretty much everything from the late 60s, it falls into "not that bad, but why the FUCK is it on this list?" territory. Plus, this is the third album by these guys so far (and I'm not even 300 albums in). Are these the giants whose shoulders everyone else stands upon? fucking lol. 2/5 - I gave their earlier albums higher ratings, but I'm sick of them now. From now on, no album made between 67-69 will get more than a 2 unless it REALLY impresses me.
Richard Thompson
2/5
Ok this pair are from London but the music is a mix of Irish-sounding folk songs (bunged-on accents and lyrics about alcoholism, being poor and migrating) and then some other tracks are just kinda straight-up 70s soft rock. The more traditional folk end has been done far better, the generic rock songs are boring, and nothing ever really kicks into powerband. Probably shouldn't be on this list but neither should half the other shit it gives me most days. 2.5/5.
Led Zeppelin
4/5
I've heard this album a few times before, it's pretty varied and the songwriting is noticeably a lot better than most other rock from 1970. Zeppelin were ahead of their time, one of the few artists from this exact time that kinda DOES deserve to have a bunch of albums in this list. Everyone loves Immigrant Song etc, but big fan of all the 12-string acoustic stuff as well. Would get a 5 but some of the second half drags a bit. 4/5.
Fugazi
3/5
I've heard a lot about Fugazi but never bothered to check them out. I know they're punkish underground darlings (with that Melvins/Kyuss/Clutch/etc crowd), and I think I've avoided them because I'm worried I'll actually like it. haha. I'm betting it'll either be frustratingly good, or inaccessible shit.
And lol yeah, it's not too bad. A couple of tracks here could definitely make my "alternative stuff" playlist. It's kinda noisy and dumb in places, but there's enough catchiness elsewhere to offset it. There's an 80s NYHC vibe going on here and there, which I wasn't expecting. Some of it has an artsy feel, like the Black Flag albums where Rollins took over (I guess this is what the hipsters love about them). And there are a lot of similarities to early Offspring? Like first 3 albums or so, definitely not Ixnay onwards, but wasn't expecting that either. But somehow the volume changes wildly between songs. Whoever mixed this did a pretty bad job. 3/5.
T. Rex
3/5
I don't care if this was the inspiration for every hair metal band ever, it's just overhyped 70s rock. It's not awful, some of it actually kinda pumps, but I definitely don't care enough to ever listen again. 3/5.
Sade
3/5
I've heard smooth operator before, the rest was new. It all sounds about the same as that song. Doesn't exactly blow the roof off, way softer than what I usually would listen to. I guess it's good for easy listening? It's basically elevator music. It didn't make my hangover worse, so that's a plus. And if that's Sade on the cover, yowser she is hot. 2.5/5.
Janis Joplin
2/5
Fuck Janis Joplin is crusty. You can smell the stains on her fingers just looking at the cover. Singing is pretty impressive (especially considering all the drugs and ciggies), but wears out its welcome kinda quick. Music isn't too bad, just average rock of the time. 2.5/5.
Blur
2/5
Ok this is amateur as fuck. The last blur album was shit and it was way better than this. 2/5.
Baaba Maal
3/5
Ok so random thoughts on this:
1. Finally something I'd never have heard of otherwise, and not just the Beatles or Bowie for the umpteenth time.
2. Cool guitars and tribal drums. I dunno if traditional music, but something close to it?
3. Singing is alright but wears out its welcome. Gets too Arabic-sounding after a while, like those annoying prayer calls that just blast at 100 decibels in the streets in MENA countries.
4. This album shouldn't go for over an hour. A bit too repetitive. But it would've been fine at 30min for sure.
3/5.
Cat Stevens
3/5
This was lame but also cool? Just little ditties on the acoustic and clean singing. Really wussy and a bit sickly sweet, but can't give it less than 3/5.
Stevie Wonder
3/5
This honestly didn't have a bad song on it - most of them were outright great - but 1hr 45min is just far too long for an album. If it was 45 or so it would've been a 5/5, but at that length it's a 3. On a cool note, was fun to unexpectedly find out where that Coolio song came from.
The Pretty Things
2/5
lol yet another album from the late 60s. Sounds exactly like British rock of the time, goes for an hour. No surprises, no reason to include it in the list. 2/5.
Sigur Rós
2/5
Sigur Ros is fucking boring. Typical hipster darling nonsense, all style no substance, drones on for twice as long as it should, goes nowhere but takes an eternity getting there. Imagine starting a band where your actual goal is to make an entire career out of radiohead's most annoying moments. fuckin' hell. 2/5.
Franz Ferdinand
3/5
Had a flatmate who listened to this album a bit back in the mid 00s, didn't think much then. Was too much of this rock getting around at the time. These days it sounds like a fuckin masterpiece compared to half the shit that's come out since. 3/5.
Air
3/5
Ok it's kinda soft indie rock, but I'm ok with that right now. Mostly instrumentals? It's like if Radiohead wasn't fucking awful. 3/5.
The Damned
3/5
This was kinda cool, can definitely hear where the Misfits got a bit of inspiration. I'm not a huge fan of this early punk stuff but this was alright. 3/5.
Goldfrapp
2/5
This was too weird for me, Felt like nonsense. 2/5.
Sheryl Crow
3/5
Yeah just straight up rock n roll, even if it's kinda lame. This is where it's at. 3/5.
Stereolab
2/5
Eh, oddball electro stuff. Way too repetitive and artsy for me. Really started to get old about halfway through. 2/5.
LCD Soundsystem
3/5
This is pretty cool for something I don't usually care about. I think this is the second time I've said this about an LCD sound system album here, so props I guess. Only real criticism is that it's too long and gets kinda repetitive. 3/5.
The Divine Comedy
2/5
Now this is peak fucking Gen X garbage lol. At least it's only half an hour. Congrats man, it's the 1990s and you're pretending to be Sinatra. Aren't you just fucking ironic. 2/5.
Dexys Midnight Runners
2/5
How did they get Joe Dirt on the album cover in 1983? This is alright but I wouldn't listen again. Goofy new wave and there's already too much here. 2.5/5.
Nitin Sawhney
1/5
what a load of artsy shit. not sure why it makes this list - beyond being a token entry for "weird shit". This actively annoyed me so 1/5.
Aerosmith
4/5
Fuck yeah, this rocks. Hard rock, doesn't try to be anything other than what it is, album only 37min, this is a solid 4/5. The only other Aerosmith I've heard is their late 80s/early 90s stuff and Tyler sounds way better here.
Yeah Yeah Yeahs
2/5
This isn't awful but it's pretty boring. Basic indie rock for basic hipsters. like if you thought the strokes was a bit too dangerous, maybe you'd like this. I dunno, not for me. 2/5.
Incredible Bongo Band
3/5
This better have bongos in it lol. Ok it does, lot of fucking bongos. Too many fucking bongos, if I'm honest. 3/5.
Buffalo Springfield
2/5
This is right in that time period I don't want to hear any more of, but is completely "over-represented" in the list.... Ok, first song is alright, but after that it heads into folky country territory and doesn't really come back out. Sigh. They really need to trim all this shit out of later editions of the book. 2/5.
Arctic Monkeys
2/5
Really, really wasn't in the mood for this. Jangly britpop-punk, probably playing thru AC30s, excessive northern accent, songs about sleazy club pickups, really just the whole bag of tropes. They probably say "lad" unironically. 2/5.
Jane's Addiction
3/5
I've heard the album after this and it's good, so this should be ok. Sounds a bit like warrior soul, it's up my street. 3/5.
Randy Newman
3/5
Is this soul? Blues? Rock n roll? I guess it's all of them, it switches between songs. Songs are really varied, like there's no way this came from one writing session etc. The songs themselves are honestly pretty damn good, and it has the good sense to only go for half an hour, but there's something weird about his voice. Like an odd inflection or something. It's not a deal breaker, but it kinda stops the album being a 4. I hadn't heard this version of leave your hat on before, which was cool but not the best version of it. 3/5.
Jerry Lee Lewis
4/5
This was surprisingly fun, I didn't know what to expect but I enjoyed every second of it. Just like honky tonk rock n roll or something, but overflowing with energy. I recognised a little Richard song so not sure how much of it was covers. And it only went for 22min! Holy shit what a great amount of time for an album I've never heard before. 4/5.
The Boo Radleys
2/5
Upbeat shoegazey 90s alt-rock, not too bad but also not too good. It sounded like a band that had a lot of playing talent and access to decent recording gear... but went into a studio with two songs, determined to record an hour and 15's worth of music. In the end I turned it off halfway, which I don't do often (but was still like 40min into the album). This is the very definition of a 2.5/5.
Guns N' Roses
5/5
One of the best rock albums of all time, even if a couple of tunes from it are way too overplayed on rock radio (paradise city, sweet child o mine) it's still just amazing. I'm more of a use your illusion kinda guy, but this is still getting a 5/5.
Malcolm McLaren
2/5
Album title is unrelated to the rest of it. at first I thought this was new age.... but then it became a mix of african tribal music, caribbean & latin jazzy numbers, 80s scratching/hip hop, country/dance hall stuff, disco.... and it was mixed as if it was a radio show, with "call in now!" samples. by the end I was bored of its shtick. Not knowing what was coming next didn't make me curious - it just made me roll my fkn eyes. There should be a rule against joke albums being on the list. But hey, at least I heard it before I die, right? 2/5.
David Crosby
2/5
lol just what this list needed, more folk rock. There really is no excuse for the sheer number of albums in this genre and time period, let alone shit this idiot was personally involved in. If you believed this list, music as we know it wouldn't exist without David Crosby. Somehow, these boring, meandering half-country, half-psychedelic stoner jams are essential listening that I'm not allowed to die before I hear them. Fuckin' lol. 1 point grudgingly given for not being the absolute worst thing I've ever heard, 1 point for only running half an hour. 2/5.
Genesis
5/5
I have a real soft spot for this kind of wanky 70s prog. It's overblown, nerdy and insists upon itself but somehow rather than hate it I absolutely love it. Could listen to this style all day in the background at work (and have many times). Actually, I'll probably spend the rest of the day listening to prog. 5/5.
Tangerine Dream
4/5
This is like the perfect intersecting point of music for people who love the golden age of science fiction, and fucking stoners. Either way, you put this on your headphones and before you know it you'll be in another dimension, haha. Honestly, fuckin cool album. I like a bit of modern synthwave etc and you can see the start of that here I guess. It's not the sort of thing I could listen to day in day out, or even for more than an hour in one go really, but thankfully it only goes for 38min anyway. Or more to the point, it's not something I'd actively listen to - but I'd be more than happy for it to play in the background while I was working, gaming, etc. 4/5.
Sufjan Stevens
2/5
Wow ok, not what I was expecting - I've always thought this guy was a guitarist's guitarist (but one of those ones that fly under the radar cause they write pop songs, kinda like John Mayer or something) - but I was WRONG.
This is "big concept" indie pop from the mid-2000s that we didn't ever need, kinda like arcade fire. This shit all follows the same pattern: it goes absolutely fucking nowhere, but takes forever to do it. Just sickly sweet, repetitive, modern easy listening tripe. I'm sure it gets called "ambitious" a lot, but there's no real ambition here; by the 10min mark you've heard everything it has to offer, but it just keeps on fucking going anyway and you start to gaslight yourself and assume there must be more to it that you're not "getting". But in reality it's just art school hipsters turning like 2 motifs into an hour and 15's worth of album, and then the wankers at outlets like Pitchfork act like it's groundbreaking because they are either a) fooled by the length, b) know pretentious art rock is fucking annoying and talk it up to piss normal people off, or c) both. I'm wondering where you'd be most likely to hear this: one of those hipster cafes where you have to sit on chairs they stole from a primary school? a tiny house owned by a girl who mostly wears a combo of overalls and doc martens? at a local theatre before a reinterpretation of Hamlet from Ophelia's perspective? 2/5.
The Cure
5/5
I know this is going to be a mix of goth and new wave, and I'm kinda off new wave but like a bit of goth. I know I've heard "A Forest" before but can't remember anything about it beyond thinking "yep, sounds like the cure" so here goes...
Ok this is pretty fuckin cool. I guess this is early goth at its best? I know it pre-dates anything else I've heard in the genre. Best comparison I can think of is the first Ministry album, but that sounds terrible by comparison. I can hear how the idea of "goth" hasn't separated from punk/new wave just yet (particularly in the singing and drums) but the guitars have that gloomy chorus/reverb/flanger quality to them that new wave never really does, and it's all... mopey, even when there's a kinda "dancey" new wave beat going on. Apart from that and a bit of a pop punk tinge to the singing there's really nothing upbeat about it. It's maybe a bit cheesy in 2021, but I can hear where tons of bands (particularly 80s rock/punk) got their chord progressions and clean guitar tones from.
There's not as much singing as I expected, lots of extended instrumental sections or songs where there are only like 2 lines of lyrics, and unless he really sings a chorus it's hard to hear the words, not quite a mumble but more of a whine, and whoever produced it didn't isolate the vocal frequencies very well. This is kinda strange as I always figured Smith was a "frontman's frontman" and would've wanted to be more prominent, although maybe that came later.
Honestly, this has inspired me to pick up my guitar and start writing goth melodies haha. This is a solid 4, maybe even a 5.
John Martyn
3/5
This had potential but kinda blew it. The first song was great - like some weird acoustic soul-ish number with great lil melodies and whatnot - but then it became more by-the-numbers SAME OL' FOLK ROCK in other songs. There were a few other tracks that tried to capture the same essence as the title track, but none really got up there, and I hate folk rock. Without the first song this album would be a 2, but with it, it's a 3/5.
The Dictators
3/5
I'm not a huge fan of this kinda proto-punk stuff (I've already given the stooges like 1/5) but this at least has a bit of humour to it, and the guitar work is pretty good - just found out it's Ross the Boss, so that'd explain it. Plus I liked the bit where they said something bad about Lou Reed lol. That guy sux.
Plus it turns out these guys were all involved in Manitoba's Wild Kingdom, which was more good jokey punk in the early 90s or so. On paper I shouldn't really like this, but I do. 3/5.
Drive-By Truckers
3/5
I was fully expecting to hate this - looking at the cover it gives off country hipster vibes and I really wasn't in the mood.
But instead it's pretty good country rock, doesn't seem to be any hipster shit involved, more like someone trying to recreate 70s southern rock, which is cool. Big fuzzy guitars, has that country flavour in places without being overbearing (the country parts kinda remind me of Johnny Cash, see "guitar man upstairs"), and they have a good ear for choruses. Only major gripe is: does this really need to go for an hour and a fucking half? Jesus H. Christ, are you serious? This shouldn't be more than 45min. Even after about 25 I understood what it was about (not the cultural references, which are neither here nor there to me), and it wasn't offering up anything new. 3/5 all the same - would be a 4 if not for the length.
The Yardbirds
1/5
Dear Yardbirds, what you've just played is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent bullshit lame folk rock 60s turd album were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul. 1/5.
Lloyd Cole And The Commotions
2/5
This was an amazingly inoffensive album, just nameless 80s UK pop rock with no sharp edges. It was vaguely pleasant to listen to, but the first song was the best by a mile and the rest was so inoffensive and plain that I forgot it was even going for a few songs. Hardly essential listening. It comes across as so helpless and naive that I almost feel bad giving it a 2/5.
Faith No More
5/5
lol I listen to this album probably at least 2-3 times a week, along with King for a Day. Amazing band, and this is their best album. Just riff city, awesome funky basslines, Patton doing his thing at the peak of youth voice. And tbh Epic is the worst track - the rest is so much better, but even that song is still great haha. I love it when an album actually deserves to be on the list! 5/5.
Pavement
1/5
I know indie rock is meant to sound homegrown/DIY/garagey/etc (or any other sly synonym for "rubbish"), but this is so laughably amateur I have to wonder how on earth it made it onto a list this "important" (term used loosely given half the other crap on it). Over 300 albums in and this would have to be the most amateur-sounding thing so far. I guess sonically it's basically a lite version of Nirvana's Bleach, but with even less(!) talent and songwriting ability. Best part is that it has guitar solos, but you can tell none of them have any idea how to stay in key or even tune a guitar, so they just used single takes and the end result is a "nah, we MEANT it to sound jarring and awful! This is our indie credo!" lie-ridden stinker. Thank you Tommy Wiseau, but no one believes you. This fucking sucked. 1/5.
Black Sabbath
4/5
This is a good enough album, I know first heavy metal album yadda yadda, but paranoid is where they really took off. This stuff is a bit softer, a bit more Zeppelin kinda style, which Zep did way better imo. Still, some of it is still pretty fkn cool. The title track is the best by far here. 4/5.
Kate Bush
2/5
I don't know what to expect beyond "this is gonna be a bit weird", going by the other Kate Bush stuff I've heard.
And yeah, it's... pretty weird. Lots of it sounds like Queen's stranger "theatrical" moments, but with her not-quite-in-tune screeching going on over the top. Lots of wailing and moaning, seems every few seconds she's singing in a different style. There's a bipolar loud-then-soft-then-LOUD approach to everything, with "dynamics = creativity!" being the obvious order of the day. But there isn't much by way of foot tapping tunes, it's all weird for the sake of being weird. I'm gonna struggle to give this one a rating - it's out there enough that it kinda defies my ability to give an album a number out of 5 haha. I can appreciate the effort that went into it but I don't like the end result. Seems like the sort of thing that would've been laughed at when it came out and then retrospectively added to the "canon". Also ultimately seems like the sort of thing that self-declared "artsy" people would claim as the best thing ever, simply because it's jarring and unconventional. 2/5.
(Although I genuinely liked the last song haha)
The Go-Betweens
3/5
Heard streets of your town before (it's a popular advertisement tune here) but I'd honestly never thought about where it came from, and the rest is totally new. I thought I'd at least heard of pretty much every popular Aussie rock band at this point, but I guess not. This isn't a bad album, but it doesn't do anything super exciting. Nice 12 string acoustics, everything is in tune and nothing really out of place. The first song and "was there anything I could do?" were standouts. Overall I can't fault it, but there are no hard edges or legit oomph. Yet at the same time, even if this is just bog-standard indie rock from the 80s, give it to me ANY day over its 2021 equivalent. 3/5.
The Who
4/5
Live albums shouldn't be in the list.
That being said, this rocks straight out of the gate. Moon is all over the place on the kit, Townshend does his thing well. Vocals all seem a bit too clean, but not sure how much studio magic there was back then. Either way, it sounds really good. Can't hear the crowd except between songs, but that's kinda what I'd expect from a real live album, and there's a good bit of banter. I know a few tracks but also a lot of it was new to me. I enjoyed this way more than expected. Didn't realise I liked the Who this much lol. Only criticism is that the version I have on Spotify is too long. 1hr 17min is too much in one go if you're not obsessed with a band. 4/5.
Ray Charles
3/5
First half is cool upbeat big band stuff, a good few foot-tappers. Second half is all ballads, lost my attention. Didn't totally lose steam but it started to drag towards the end, which isn't great at 37min. And tbh, "standards" are just covers at the end of the day, no matter how well played. This is a covers album, and reading all the other, overwhelmingly gushing reviews for it... wtf guys, get your hands off it. That being said, would listen to the first half again. 3/5.
Yeah Yeah Yeahs
2/5
Looking at the album cover, I'm gonna establish a baseline of 2/5 and go from there lol.
aaaand it's noisy indie alternative stuff. At least the music matches the manic album art... I guess? Lots of processed vocal theatrics, and everything is buried in the mix underneath the singing and drums. It's like they heard the White Stripes and decided they could do the same, but ignored the good songwriting and instead dialled the oddest, most manic bits up to 11. So the end result is all the annoying loud tendencies of indie rock and nothing else. It has a really bratty lyrical cynicism to it that just seems fucking childish, too. "ha ha here's an angry lyric but it's done with a cutesy girly squeal!" uuugh spare me the beautiful disaster/harley quinn routine, loser. The 2/5 stays.
Dinosaur Jr.
4/5
I know of these guys but I've never actually listened to them. Indie darlings AFAIK. Baseline 3/5.
Ok, I was NOT expecting this to rule. haha. It starts out sounding like my bloody valentine-type shoegaze-y pus, then from "sludgefeast" (best track by far) onwards it fucken smokes. Big fuzzy guitars, thick tones, drummer not afraid to venture beyond the snare, songwriting a fun mix of indie and doomy rock.
It's also satisfying in a cynical way to hear an OG indie band so obviously influenced by old school heavy metal when so many latter-day indie/alternative bands (who ripped these guys off) wouldn't be seen dead listening to metal, lol.
Buuuuut, two things hold this album back: the track ordering is dumb (the first 2 songs are a *fucking* slow start), and old mate *really* can't sing. Thankfully he doesn't try to much either, but still. Wouldn't have hurt to get someone on the level of whoever sang for the Lemonheads, or soul asylum etc. Fuck, Mark Lanegan could've made this amazing. That being said, it's good enough otherwise anyway to get a 4/5.
Cocteau Twins
3/5
I've heard of this band but that's it - always had it in my head that it's old school electronica for hipsters. I'm expecting similar feelings to Depeche mode in that half my friends and bands I like dig it, but I won't care. Baseline 3/5.
Ok, it's not really electronica (beyond obvious drum machine) but I got the hipster part right. Initial thoughts are "accessible Kate Bush". Guitars well produced, the acoustic tones are lovely. Singing is nice, well harmonised etc. I dig the lack of expected song structures, it doesn't throw convention completely out the door but it kinda blurs the line between verse and chorus, and that's cool. Songwriting is consistent, if a little samey.
The drums though, wtf. A few songs in they started to get really jarring, it sounds like midi drums from a $50 Casio keyboard. At times the drums are all you can hear - they didn't even try to hide the shit.
Overall I probably won't listen to the whole thing ever again, but this wasn't a horrible experience by any means. The first song in particular was a standout, might make its way into a playlist. And if they'd used real drums I might have even given it a 4. 3/5.
Small Faces
2/5
Ok this is from 1968 and has a super goofy cover, it's gonna be psychedelic or folk rock, maybe both. Not exactly a wild prediction given that's the genre every second day here, but whatever. Baseline 2/5 and it's gonna need to rEALLY impress to get any higher, just because I'm bored to death of these bands being in this list.
Ok and yep, psychedelic nonsense. I will admit it's well played; at times I'd almost say this is a precursor to stuff like Genesis a few years later, but in this case the whimsy and narration just annoys me. It annoys me in the same way the mighty boosh annoys me. The "quaint Britishness" of it just gives me vibes of rainy days, grey skies, grey streets, grey buildings, and baby poo-coloured minis driving on said grey streets. This is the soundtrack to staying in a hotel with no heating and rotting century-old wallpaper that's about the same poo colour as all the minis.
The 2/5 stays, just because it has the good sense to only go half an hour, and it honestly isn't so bad it gets a 1 - it's just mildly annoying, and they probably didn't know any better at the time.
Coldplay
3/5
I'm not in a Coldplay mood really. This is the second album of theirs so far and the other was way better than expected, but this morning I'm in the mood for abrasive death metal or rap, not this lol.
In any case, I've heard the hits from this before; I'm pretty sure this was their breakout album. I don't hate the band (or Chris Martin), but it just feels like they heard post rock and diluted it with U2 until it was radio friendly. The singing is the low point, no way around it. He rarely raises his voice above a whisper. Lyrics are practically meaningless, just introspective high school poetry stuff. The music isn't too bad, mostly kinda dreamy guitar licks with the reverb and delay dialled up, although it's pretty repetitive - as you'd expect something with a post rock flavour to do, I guess.
It has to get a 3, even though it's a bit so-so and drags on almost an hour - another one that falls in the "too inoffensive to hate on" bracket. 3/5.
Fun Lovin' Criminals
4/5
I had a mate just after high school that used to play this - I'd forgotten it existed. I remember the title track but nothing else.
Ok, I like that it's rap with an actual band behind it, much more interesting than what a lot of others were doing at the time. This was kinda right on that turning point as heaps of rap started just using real simple basslines as music, kinda throwing out all the cool samples and turntable stuff that made it cool a few years earlier. The band is good, they mix a whole heap of different genres but keep it funky and it always seems to work.
...except for the rap rock parts lol. That sorta thing hasn't aged well imo, was never going to. Or maybe that's just the shadow of cringey memories looming over me lol. But it's only in maybe 1-2 tracks and used pretty sparsely anyway.
I also didn't realise that Scooby snacks was them - not sure how that escaped me, heard that song many times, it has that 90s swagger that I kinda miss, not in a nostalgic way but rather that I'm kinda sad people aren't doing it anymore. Naturally, being the mid-late 90s all the songs are about smoking weed... that's just how it was at the time. Except for the song about meth I guess lol.
Seems a lot of the time this list just forces me to sit through 60s garbage rather than expand my mind, so it's cool to hear something that's not only mostly new to me, but that I'd also willingly listen to independently. 4/5.
Talvin Singh
2/5
Ok, never heard of this before. Looking at the cover I'm gonna say scungy 90s UK techno - my guess is by the name, UK but son of Indian migrants. Potential Indian sounds. Baseline 3/5 but liable to drop. I also get the feeling this is gonna be an hour-long jobbie, not sure why but even without loading it yet I just get vibes of outstaying its welcome (like all scungy 90s UK electronica).
HA! exactly one hour according to Spotify. Fuckin nailed it.
Ok you might as well call me Nostradamus: UK but Indian background, scungy 90s UK techno. Has a bit of an Indian flavour along with the scungy beats. It sounds like the soundtrack to a snowboarding game on the ps1 lol.
Honestly, I kinda like the exotic bits but as expected it just goes far too long. Even by halfway I was bored and completely lost interest. Would have gotten higher if it had the sense to be a bit shorter. 2/5.
Mike Oldfield
2/5
Ok, it's great that he was 19 at the time and played every instrument himself... but that doesn't mean much when less than 1/4 of it really counted as music. Otherwise it felt like an excruciatingly long intro, a few minutes of plain prog rock, an outro and then some fuckin dumb pirate melody. And none of the various segments meshed - they seemed to be just pasted together. A 25min song is meant to be a statement about your songwriting, as if to say "I'm gonna show you that I can make 25min feel like 5", but that didn't happen here. And most of it was ambient/experimental, not much substance.
It's a shame I didn't like this cause I love it in theory, but it's just badly executed. 2/5.
The Stooges
2/5
I didn't get much sleep and I'm really not in the mood for the FUCKING stooges. Jesus Christ how does this list always know just how to piss me off? "Proto punk" can go fuck itself up its own arse. 2/5.
Duran Duran
3/5
I know hungry like the wolf but never heard the rest. It's pretty catchy and well written. It could definitely be called new wave but it's much better than that. I feel like so often something is listed as new wave here to boost its chances, whereas in this case that label is gonna hold it back. The entire album got a bit samey but I'd happily listen to it again. 3/5.
Madonna
3/5
I know a few tracks off this, if it's all as good as the title track then it will be a total banger.
Ok, a lot of filler, but not bad in any real sense. Just mostly forgettable 80s pop. Cherish is the best song by a mile. 3/5.
The Rolling Stones
3/5
Yeah ok this wasn't too bad. Considering it's 1968 it could be way worse - at least this is based in rock n roll and not fucking folk rock or whatever nonsensical whimsy-filled bullshit the Beatles were putting out at the same time. But overall it's not a classic, it's mostly just kinda bluesy jams. The first song was the best by a mile (it's an advertising jingle these days lol), and the rest is hard to remember apart from the other song I'd heard on the radio a kazillion times. 3/5.
Manu Chao
3/5
When you're in Mexico, and you go downstairs at whatever dive backpacker hostel you're staying in after a huge night drinking the shitty local imitation Corona, this is exactly what the seedy cunt who owns the hostel will be playing as he has a ciggie and hoses the vomit off the floor. He somehow won't be hungover, but you'll want to die.
You'll also remember, through the haze, getting knocked back by that cute fair-weather hippie chick who is staying in one of the other rooms. You thought her flowing skirt, flirty behaviour and see-through top were a come-on, didn't you? lol. Just drink your breakfast beer and hang your head in shame, loser.
Maybe you should give googol bordello a go if you're serious about trying to root chix who are pretending to be free spirits for the duration of this one holiday. Throw your standards out the door; just do it.
Snarky disses aside, this was pretty catchy. 3/5.
Saint Etienne
2/5
Ok pre listen thoughts: generally, anything with a French name (unless actually French) will be hipsters, but beyond that, I can't tell. The cover art isn't any particular genre trope.
All the song names are in English so yeah, wankers/hipsters. Ok it's cruisy dance-ish music. Doesn't really go anywhere - I can't imagine anyone getting excited about this.
aaaaand 45min later I'd pretty much forgotten it was playing. It's not awful, it's just a complete non-event. 2/5.
Butthole Surfers
3/5
I've heard a couple of their other songs but no idea what to expect here. The first song is called sweet loaf haha. And lol it even sounds like sweet leaf. 3/5 joke rock, noisy bullshit. Hard to give an actual score cause it's so dumb, but it's pretty short so 3/5.
Laura Nyro
4/5
Anything from 1968 makes me wary, this little project seems to insult me more often than not with absolute garbage from this period, but this doesn't strike me immediately as folk rock or psychedelic shit, looks more like it'll be jazz. Cover gives me jazz vibes.
Ok it's pretty jazzy, but also kinda like the Supremes as well? Songs are upbeat for the most part and catchy. She can sing, too. And wrote all the songs according to wiki!! I'm honestly surprised I've never heard of her before. This is a really nice surprise, and a welcome change from groaning as I slog my way through the day's album haha. An actual worthy entry for 1968, who'd a thunk it? Lost a bit of steam towards the end but still gonna give it 4/5.
Miles Davis
3/5
This was alright, one of those albums that's far too old to really judge. But I did tap my foot a bit. Very old timey, 3/5.
Bee Gees
2/5
Oh god this is gonna be another album from before they went disco isn't it. 2/5 starting point because I think I was too kind to Odessa.
And yep just Beatles-esque crap. All very sickly sweet, nameless early 70s soft rock. I'm expecting there to be a high concept track as well given the title. Otherwise... torn between a 2 and a 3 - 2 because I object to how much these bands are in this list, but 3 because you could really never call it bad. Its big crime is that it's mildly boring. The sheer monotony and blandness was killing me by about half way, and there wasn't even a standout track like Odessa. 2/5.
Elvis Costello & The Attractions
2/5
Elvis Costello is rock for 80s hipsters. Self important, arrogant and never more than just ok. Dragged on a lot and all sounded exactly the same. The album had run its course by the third song but it still had an eternity to go. I was expecting to come across one of his albums sooner than this tbh. 2/5 for boring the hell outta me and being a critical darling for no reason I can think of.
The Coral
4/5
Album cover looks like.... I just don't know. There's only 1 R in Coral so it can't be corral, which would have made more sense. Indie rock maybe? It is a "the" band with no real sense in the name...
Ok it's jokey early 00s indie, with like a rockabilly flavour. I normally hate that shit but I really liked this against all odds and want to rate it highly. It's worth noting that I had a migraine yesterday and I still feel like I have some kind of brain fog. But this is album is fun through the haze. 4/5.
Donald Fagen
2/5
This sounds like a collection of tunes that you'd find programmed into a Casio keyboard. Or like a sampler CD you'd get with a copy of windows 3.1.
Brian Eno
2/5
I wasn't really sold on the last Brian Eno album here, hope this one is better.
(and lol @ the German guy who called it "das Album für Flughafentoiletten", ich fand's auch Kacke)
Ok this isn't really ambient like the last one. This is just weirdness. I guess it's kinda avant garde or something? I'm sure if I had the ear for it, it'd be a masterpiece... but I don't. I just prefer songs that sound like songs, I guess.
Pixies
3/5
It's indie but it's good. Bit forgettable though, first couple of songs were the best by far. 3/5.
Quicksilver Messenger Service
1/5
Oh Christ, here we go. Even just looking at the cover I can guess two things: nowhere near as country as you'd think, and (probably) psychedelic rock instead. Plus it's 1969, so expectations are low.
aaaaand boom, not country at all! Just psychedelic rock, extended jam SHIT. It was so boring I forgot it was on and only paid attention once spotify started playing "radio based on" songs. Fuck this stuff. it's an angry 1/5.
Beth Orton
2/5
Never heard of this but I'm going indie folk stuff. Yeah it is, she can sing though. A full hour might be a stretch. Yeah, it is a stretch. This started out alright, even good, but became a real chore. It just doesn't fucking end. 2/5.
Tori Amos
3/5
I've heard the occasional Tori Amos song before, and never really cared about it, but maybe there are a few cool tunes here. maybe.
Ok, that was way better than expected. A bit too soft and waify to really justify a full hour, a lot of it is just the same piano-driven stuff, but the first track in particular was really good. 3/5. If it was shorter it'd be even higher.
Roxy Music
3/5
Never heard these guys but heard of them. I know it's that early glam rock stuff. Might be ok, might suck.
Gets pretty spacey at times but also rocks, I guess Bowie comparisons? Got a bit long towards the end, couldn't honestly remember any of it even an hour or two later, but still 3/5 for not pissing me off at the time haha.
Joan Baez
1/5
Oh fucking Christ, more folk rock. 1/5.
Nas
4/5
I've heard this before, a few years ago. It's a good album, one of the last I know of from before rap started to sound like shit a year or two later. Glad it came up, hit the spot this morning. 4/5.
Leftfield
2/5
I've never heard of this before but my gut instinct tells me it's electro, probably UK, probably goes for way too long.
lol nailed it, got all 3. This shit is boring. Just sounds exactly like you'd expect, for OVER AN HOUR. fuck off. Did listen to the whole thing, though. I think it actively lowered my blood pressure, so it gets a point or two for that. 2/5.
The Notorious B.I.G.
4/5
Haven't heard this in like 20 years - it was a part of the soundtrack to being a ratty teenager in the late 90s, along with his second album (which was more popular). The interludes are a bit cheesy these days, but at the time I thought it was pretty hard lol. Good tunes. Favourite track: me & my bitch - just because I know it'd make modern society tug its collar and go "eeek" lol. Also, gotta kinda laugh that this album was called "Ready to Die" and that's exactly what happened just before his next album came out. 4/5.
The Prodigy
2/5
Good enough album on places but it goes for fuckin forever, just like all skanky UK techno. Mostly just sounds like the soundtrack to a snowboarding game on the PS1. Want to give it a 3 but in all honesty... 2.5/5.
Devendra Banhart
1/5
No idea what this might be. Some kind of indie/folk/religious thing? The cover has me stumped.
Oh god it's folk rock, and it's someone in 2004 trying to sound retro and 60s. Dude's voice started out annoying and only got worse. Songs were just nothing - same thing repeated over and over. Another fine addition to the list lol. 1/5.
Eels
2/5
Another one I've never heard of - album cover is creepy. It's indie rock, first song vaguely familiar but that could mean nothing, it's suuuuper generic alternative rock. I kept thinking the next song was gonna be going the distance by cake. 2/5.
George Michael
3/5
This was pretty much as expected, but that's not a bad thing. Freedom was a big hit when I was a kid. Still sounds good, still just sounds like average 90s pop music. 3/5.
Germs
4/5
Looking at the cover I want to say it's electronica like Kraftwerk or something, but 1979... probably just post-punk/new wave lol.
lol it's punk, actual hardcore punk though and not new wave! Wasn't expecting that. This is a fun enough little album. It does just what it sets out to do: get from A to B in the shortest, fastest, loudest way possible. And it's still got a lot of melody/catchiness going on along the way. 4/5.
Tom Waits
2/5
Ugh Tom Waits, ok. Second album of his now I think. At least it's just blues. Boring blues though, and his voice has to be a joke. 2/5.
Julian Cope
3/5
Never heard of this before... can't guess anything based on the cover. The font says techno, the album name says indie, the artwork... I just dunno lol.
Ok this is artsy nonsense, somewhere between Nick Cave, Tex Perkins, Lou Reed etc. some of it is ok but I just can't stand albums that go for this long - 75min for the vanilla version alone. Won't be listening past the 75.
Supergrass
3/5
I can't remember much about these guys but they used to get a bit of late night rage play. Was that 90s alternative stuff with the quaint English look but sounded like Nirvana.
Ok it's a bit more britpop than Nirvana but yeah. Not too bad, not too good, just kinda there. 3/5.
4/5
hahahaha ok this gets a 5/5 just for the album title. surely it's gonna be country. haha ok yep it's fuckin country as, but it's that fun old-school country. would listen to this again for sure. 4/5.
Arrested Development
2/5
I remember these guys had a few hits when I was a kid, was pretty harmless rap/rnb. Ok yep still is. I've heard both better and worse, no strong feelings. It does go way too long though, and some of the lyrics are pretty cringey. 2/5.
Public Enemy
4/5
Heard this once or twice before, and I'd heard the metal version of bring the noise first. It's weird listening to it without guitars. Rest of the album is about the same, pretty cool beats and rhymes etc. Doesn't drop off or get old, good album. Flava Flav sure does like talking about himself though lol. Apparently he's a musical genius, like can play any instrument etc. 4/5.
Everything But The Girl
3/5
I know I've heard this before, at least a single or two from it, but can't remember anything about it. Was one of those bands that got a lot of late night rage play in the 90s.
Ok yeah electronica, bit of a mix of that kinda scungy UK techno sound but not as rank, and the singer is jazzy. I hate people who describe things as "chill", but it's bang on here. It's not bad, but the entire album is summed up in the first couple of songs and still goes for another 45min. I guess this would be a nice soundtrack to a groovy funky hipster people cafe? tbh I want to give it a 4, but it falls short on holding my interest. 3/5.
Peter Frampton
3/5
This is p cool, bit of 70s rock. I've never actually listened to Peter Frampton before but I know he's considered one of the greats. I still dunno how I feel about live albums on the list, and it IS a bit of a stretch at 78min of music I've never heard before (except baby I love your way), and this felt like it was really hammered home when the last track ended up being an extended jam, but this is still a 3/5 overall.
Tricky
2/5
Cover is hard to pick. Never heard of it. Could be almost any genre. Song names give almost nothing away. With a band name like "tricky" I kinda expect it to be rap but that cover isn't a rap cover.
Ok it's electronica. Will have to be UK, has the same kinda vibe all the other UK electronica does on the list (also, the only electronica on the list is from the UK).
Album goes for an hour, only just finishing the second song. This may be a hard slog. Ok yep it's the chick from massive attack, that fits. Skanky UK techno. Mid 90s alt-techno stuff. Ahhh well, guess I'm here for the next 50min or so.
Post-listen: yeah that wasn't my thing, got a bit ok in places but really didn't change much from those first 2 songs. I feel like this sub-sub-genre needs to be felt, like unless you were there at the time chances are slim you'll like it. The only bit I really felt was when they sampled abba, and even that was fleeting. 2/5.
Metallica
5/5
This was the first tape I ever bought. Got it second hand from some shop in Kempsey, in about 1991. I'd heard a couple of the radio hits from the black album already, but nothing before that - I was 7 or so. When I first heard blackened I didn't even know how something so cool and heavy could exist. It legit blew my mind, it seemed next level in a way that nothing ever has since.
The rest of the album really doesn't dip much in quality - I couldn't say shortest straw is something I ever get a hankering to hear on repeat, but even that as the album's lowest point is a fuckin' statement and a half. It's not my favourite Metallica album, but it's still the band at pretty much their peak, their live shows from this time are 110% by far as good as Metallica ever got, and I can't listen to it without just thinking about RIFFS and that brutally dry guitar tone for a good 20min afterwards. 5/5.
Carpenters
3/5
I've heard OF these guys but couldn't name any songs off the top of my head. Looking at the cover I'm going with folk rock, maybe a bit poppier. Chick will be the singer.
Ok a bit off the mark - mostly pop, almost disco in a way. I can see why it's here on the list, it has that 70s charm to it, couldn't place it in any other time. It makes easy listening sound like heavy metal, but it's pretty relaxed and everyone plays/sings well.
Naturally, none of it was written by the band themselves beyond one or two secondary credits for the brother. But that seems to be the norm for bands until like the mid 70s.
My main criticism is that it's beyond inoffensive, almost indescribably sickly sweet. In that sense it's aged far more than music 20 years older than it. And for better or worse, it could never survive in the pop music world today - there's no sexual overtones, not an innuendo in sight. It's family variety show fodder, but we don't have variety shows anymore (at least not in Australia).
But swipes at how squeaky clean it is aside, this was an enjoyable listen. Maybe a bit frustratingly, the last minute or so of the last song was the most exciting bit haha. Still, 3/5.
Love
2/5
1966, band called Love. *sigh* lol. Here we go...
Well whaddaya know, folk rock and psychedelia. Fucking hell, wasn't expecting THAT!
Seriously though, there doesn't need to be any more. I get it, we all get it. This stuff existed. Is it irony if this list of things I need to hear before I die makes me kill myself in frustration, before I even get halfway? lol jk but far out, enough with the 60s garbage. 2/5 just cause the band didn't know any better at the time, and it's still better than MIA.
2/5
This bored me. It just kept going and going. It never sounded any different, it never changed tempo, it just existed for an hour. It had no right going as long as it did. 2/5.
Scott Walker
3/5
ok this is 1969 but the cover doesn't scream folk psychedelia, or even beatles-y pop! I'm still disappointed in advance, but almost intrigued in a way.
ok this is... strange? it's pop music, but kinda dark and the guy's deeper voice (is this a baritone?) gives it a bit of a moody character or something. but I don't mind it at all. even by the end of the album I could've done a bit more of it. 3/5.
Aphex Twin
2/5
I don't think best-ofs should be in the list. I don't know what to expect with this given it's supposedly ambient, but the other Aphex Twin I've heard is scungy UK techno. I'm semi-open-minded about this. Ready to enjoy if needed, but probably going to get the shits at it.
Yeah about halfway through now and I'm over it. WAY too fucking long (75min), which I guess is in line with the scungy UK techno tradition of overstaying its welcome. It's ok to have on in the background I guess, but it's not really ambient in the sense I wanted. It's still mostly very clearly house music, just a bit more subdued. Maybe if I was still 19, maybe if I was high on MDMA, maybe I'd get into it then. But I'm not, so it's a 2/5.
Penguin Cafe Orchestra
3/5
Ok this has a dumb name so I'm expecting something silly. Maybe prog? The timeline is about right...
Ok, this is pretty spacey. Not prog, it's... avant garde? They weren't lying when they used the word orchestra, but it's way stranger than the name implies. I don't think I'd ever listen to this willingly, it drags on a bit and some of it heads into anti-music territory (at one point it sounded like R2D2 having a stroke), but I gotta give it a tip of the hat for being weird and unique without pissing me off too much. 3/5.
Mudhoney
2/5
I love grunge but Mudhoney is at the crappy end of it imo. Yeah I know they were practically the first grunge band, but they lean too heavily into the alternative art rock DIY garage band stuff where I prefer my grunge to sound like AIC and Soundgarden. I've heard this album a few times, it kinda just exists. It's not horrible, but it's not actually good and I wouldn't listen to it for fun. Seems to be propelled by reputation alone. 2/5.
Simon & Garfunkel
3/5
On paper I hate this, and most of it does indeed suck-diddly-uck flanders, but I found myself liking bits of it. The Boxer is an undeniably good song, same with the title track. The rest of it ranged from boring to passable. 2.5/5.
The Saints
3/5
Ugh this looks like it's gonna be some sort of early punk shit like the Stooges.
Yep that's exactly what it is. Not good but it's not bad Apparently it's Aussie so I guess it gets an extra point for that. 3/5.
Also fuckin lol @ the guy who got offended at the word retarded in one of the songs, and even called it "the R word" in the review haha.
The Smashing Pumpkins
3/5
This is an album I have pretty mixed feelings on. Cherub Rock is a great song, and there are a few others in there as well. It's a bit too long overall, but still nowhere near as bad as Mellon Collie (which is like 2 hours haha).
On the flipside, some of it heads into that shoegazey, alt-rock territory that I don't really like. Corgan's alright when he sounds angry, but when he sounds whiny it's pretty grating. The guitar tone has no meat to it, which matches his voice well - but again, small doses.
It's also a real good bit of evidence that the term "grunge" made absolutely no fuckin' sense. It sounds almost nothing like Nirvana or Mudhoney or Soundgarden or Pearl Jam (and none of them really sounded alike either). This has more in common with My Bloody Valentine than Alice in Chains.
I listen to a couple of songs from this in other playlists anyway, but I don't think I'd do the full album again. As a whole it doesn't have enough oomph. Still, 3/5.
Elvis Presley
3/5
This is fun enough background music. It's pretty inoffensive by 2021 standards, and there are a lot of ballads on it, but I still enjoyed it. Elvis is well before my time, but I can't deny his talent. 3.5/5.
Fela Kuti
3/5
Way better than the last Fela Kuti album (Zombie). I'm still kinda against live albums being included in this book, but this has a pretty undeniable energy.
It came out of the gate pretty strong - upbeat, jazzy as all getup, pretty tasty etc. Got a bit long in the tooth by the end, cause they're all extended jams and unless you REALLY dig this sorta stuff it'll just get old, but it did grab me for the first half. The last 15min drum solo was a bit much, but it was also a bonus track so can't chip it for that.
And it's weird that they really tried to push Ginger Baker's name here, especially given he was only on 2 songs and one is a bonus track... maybe the name-drop added value at the time?
Overall a good surprise considering how much I groaned and rolled my eyes through the last Fela Kuti album here haha.
3/5.
The Smiths
3/5
I know what the Smiths are about and don't mind them, but these vocal lines are really strange... cool but strange. It doesn't always fit though. A fair bit of the time it sounds like he's singing to a completely different song. This is the sort of thing I wanted to like a whole lot more than I actually did. 3/5.
Dr. Dre
4/5
Never been into rap very much but heard this one a lot over the years. It's good enough that even without being a fan of the genre you'd say "oh yeah, The Chronic is all time" etc etc.
A couple of things to note though: this album was pretty much the point where heavy sampling stopped, and also the point where the excessive weed worship began in rap. Pretty much everything released afterwards in the 90s took its cues from this - for better or worse. Some of it was awesome (Cypress Hill, Ice-T's Return of the Real), but towards the end of the 90s I really started to fucking hate a lot of what this album inspired. But can I hold that against this?
The other thing is: it's a LONG album. I never really listen to the whole thing. It didn't bore me on this listen, but it did start to feel like the album could've ended already.
4/5
The Dave Brubeck Quartet
2/5
Never heard of this but 1959? that was a while ago. Trying to guess by the cover... maybe jazz? or "swing"?
Ok it's jazz. Bit wacky, bit experimental, it's ok.
End thoughts: I pretty much forgot it was going. That isn't exactly the mark of a good album. It didn't shit me, but it was completely forgettable. 2/5.
The Specials
1/5
This is one of the worst bands I've ever heard. fuuuuuck it just sucks. This is the second album of theirs on this list so far, and neither of them is even worth wiping your arse with, let alone pretending it's "must hear before you die" material. 0/5.
Bonnie Raitt
3/5
I'm aware OF Bonnie Raitt but can't say I've ever heard her stuff before.
Ok yeah, just soft country rock type stuff, nothing mind-blowing but still foot-tappable in places. No real staying power, though - can kinda see why no one remembers it today. 3/5.
Joni Mitchell
2/5
Folk rock: the genre I don't like that is just so influential and essential that it comprises half this book, almost as if just to annoy me personally. 2/5.
The Sonics
3/5
What on earth is this? It's like the California games soundtrack with some guy screaming "wwwwwaaooooohhh!!" every few seconds over the top. 3/5 cause lol.
Leonard Cohen
2/5
I'm not really in the mood for Leonard Cohen today, but this lil' project really doesn't discriminate there... or rather, it ALWAYS discriminates haha. I never really feel like whatever is presented, today's no different. Maybe this will be a nice surprise, being 1988 and all. Maybe it sounds like Guns n Roses. Fingers crossed eh?
Ok it's not gunners... but I wasn't expecting this. It's like synthy, dark kinda pop? it sounds like the soundtrack to a leisure suit larry game. I can see what he was going for, but it doesn't really work imo. The music is a bit too muzak-ey, a bit too upbeat even in its kinda hushed way, for his vocals. No comment on the lyrics.
And Jazz Police.... what in the fuck? hahah. this is just shit. complete, utter shit.
I think my biggest gripe though is that Cohen honestly can't sing. He struggles to stay in tune even within the limited kinda baritone range he has. Most of the time it sounds like he's too insecure to even try singing, just opts to kinda half-speak, half-sing instead. Kinda like Mark Knopfler did, but nowhere near as well. Soon as Cohen goes for it the bum notes hit you like a ton of bricks.
2/5.
Fatboy Slim
2/5
ugh I knew this album would be in here somewhere. Been dreading it for months. It's basically an hour of ps1 advertising jingles. Bog UK techno. Sounded like 1 or 2 beats dragged out for an hour. ugh. 2/5.
The Rolling Stones
2/5
wow, more rolling stones... are we fucking kidding? this book is pretty much just the same few groups over and over and over again. getting really bored of this time period and these bands. 2/5.
The Incredible String Band
1/5
I usually get some satisfaction out of guessing an album by its cover, but today there was none. It was never going to be anything but psychedelic folk rock crud. To be honest, it was even worse than I expected: some ultra-stoned combo of renaissance fair-type ditties and sitars. spaaaare me.
There's a part of me that hopes the, uh, "over-representation" of albums from this time period is mostly just to fill the 1001 total goal and serve as placeholders for future editions, but I know that's not true. This crap will stay in every edition of the book ever, and albums like Arise and Rust in Peace will be cut to make room for future Drake albums or some shit.
1/5.
Ute Lemper
2/5
This kind of cabaret-muzak tripe owes 99% of its sales to business entities. The "corporate communications" departments at outfits like the Marriott Group approve it as album of the month, and this moves a few hundred thousand units. It spends its 30 days of patronage on repeat in hotel lobbies and art gallery gift shops, and afterwards it ends up in op-shops. The corporate world then forgets about Ute Lemper because Norah Jones has a new album out, it's lounge jazz covers of Soundgarden songs and for some reason, hotel chain executives think that is a good idea. Meanwhile, the wider public remains mostly unaware of this album's existence. Maybe Ute will have another album in a few years that's picked up in the same fashion, but for the moment she goes back to whatever artsy-fartsy theatrical bubble she came from.
Soon enough the op-shops, inundated with copies of an album no one's ever heard of - let alone care enough about to pay $2 for - give up on trying to sell copies of it as individual units, and include them in bulk lots that are offloaded to Chinese ebay merchants. The CDs remain in warehouses just outside Shenzhen, the ebay listings untouched. This repeats as bulk lots are shifted from reseller to reseller. But the CDs never sell, and after a while they end up in landfill. The booklets disintegrate and the plastic begins to slowly decompose. Climate change eradicates humanity long before the CD cases are broken down into their base elements. Eventually, as the universe expands beyond its ability to maintain thermodynamic energy, everything comes to a slow, frozen, irreversible halt. 2/5.
Billy Bragg
2/5
Ok I'm at almost 400 albums now and by my estimate, somewhere between 20% and 30% of them are some kind of folk rock. There is only so much you can take of one genre before you just start giving it all 2/5. And I'm past that point. Another 5 folk albums and they'll all be getting 1.
2/5.
Pink Floyd
3/5
I'm not a huge Pink Floyd fan, and I honestly hate Another Brick in the Wall, but I have a grudging respect for them. This album doesn't actually flow like people seem to think it does - for a concept album it sure does leave you hanging a fair bit with no continuity - but some of the songs are alright. Money being the obvious one. Us and Them has its moments, but it also spends a lot of time dilly-dallying around. Same with a few others as well. Will probably never willingly listen again, but 3/5.
The Velvet Underground
1/5
1968. Why am I not surprised. lol.
Ok wow, this fucking SUX. Even worse than expected. What in the hell?? 1/5.
The Cure
3/5
I think this is the second cure album so far? This is pretty good. I'm not a goth or anything but I do like a bit of it, and yeah... everything repetitive and simple, cool atmosphere, it's just solid. It does kinda all blend into itself though - by around 3/4 of the way through I couldn't have told you where the last song ended and the next finished etc. 3/5
Run-D.M.C.
3/5
I know a couple of songs off this. I don't mind a bit of 80s rap but this is close to the limit. It's mostly just them and drums. Started to get a bit samey. Pretty dated in 2021. 3/5.
Shack
2/5
This only mildly sucks, but I think that's what's wrong with it. It doesn't even manage to suck with any conviction. It just exists for 47min and I didn't hate anything, but also didn't like a single bit of it. A strong opinion is impossible. Just sounds like a really boring version of Oasis.... 5 years after Oasis. 2/5.
Sam Cooke
3/5
I'm still not sold on live albums being in this list... but this is better than most of the late 60s/early 70s garbage it usually throws at me. And the guy wrote his own songs, so that's a plus - this sorta soul rock stuff is usually "standards". 3/5.
Leonard Cohen
1/5
Nope, fuck off, don't care. Leonard Cohen can go straight in the BIN. this is the third time he's been in here so far. Gah just get lost already. 1/5.
John Grant
3/5
The title & cover suggested hipster bullshit, and if I'm honest it IS, but it's also pretty good. One of the few times I'm not going to totally shit all over a "folk rock" album.
The overall vibe is really weird. As best I can describe it, it SOUNDS like Tina Dico and FEELS like Type O Negative. I know that's an excessively strange combo, but that's what I'm getting. There's a "gothy"-sounding type of folk/pop/rock going on, the lyrics are full of cynicism and dark humour, it's artsy but not too pretentious, and somehow it works.
Only real gripe is that at 51min it got a bit long in the tooth. Most of the songs are in the same key and tempo, structures don't change very much. If you stapled the songs together you could make at least one half-hour song that didn't seem like it was originally seven. It gets hard to stay on focus towards the last few tracks because of this. Should've kept it to 30min.
3/5.
Björk
2/5
An avant-garde masterpiece. 2/5.
Khaled
3/5
Algerian schlager lol. All the pieces are here - it's a mix of traditional and western sounds, there are dancy numbers, ballads, even some cheesy take on an English pop hit. I don't understand it so can't comment on the lyrics, but even without knowing what's being sung it screams "PG rating" (just like schlager music). Guess that's normal in a conservative country. Would go well at expo venues in the middle east after they run out of Yanni, lol.
78min was too long though. It's mostly the same kinda dance numbers that don't really do anything (again, schlager), and it felt pretty never-ending. I'm genuinely glad it's in here just to offset the 600 beatles, bowie and pink floyd albums, but I'm also pretty happy it isn't something I'm subjected to every day.
3/5 cause I can handle the novelty value as a once-off.
OutKast
2/5
I'm not doing over 2 hours of Outkast today, I'm just not. This will be the first time I've not listened to an entire album, but I just fucking refuse (I ended up turning it off on the second song of disc 2).
aaaaaand it's just skanky late 90s hip hop anyway. I know these guys are in the list because they had a pop hit and the compilers of this list just go by that, particularly when it comes to genres like this, but uuuugh it's just boring and I can feel the gold teeth through the speakers. 2/5.
Slipknot
4/5
I normally listen to these first thing in the morning, but I just really don't feel like Slipknot at 5am. I'll listen later at work. I've heard the album before anyway.
Ok: this album has some absolutely amazing tracks but falls short of a 5. I'd give it a 4.5 if I could. Only criticism is that it goes a bit too long and loses steam towards the end. Definitely Slipknot at their best though. Surely no matter what kind of music you prefer, Pyschosocial makes you tap your foot. 4/5.
Eagles
3/5
This isn't too bad. Yeah it's overplayed dad rock but it deserves a bit more than a big Lebowski quote. 3/5.
Jacques Brel
3/5
a live album, french, 1964.... I have no idea what to expect here.
Ok I have no idea what genre this is, but it's the sort of stuff that'd end up in a tarantino movie as an ironic soundtrack to a shootout or a torture scene. but it sounds exactly like you'd expect something french from the "olden days" to sound. I can't really give it much of a rating, it's too old and removed from anything else I listen to. but 3/5 because it wasn't bad or anything.
Little Richard
3/5
I only knew Long Tall Sally and the rest was pretty cool as well, maybe not as good as that song but still a few foot-tappers. Just good ol' rock n roll. 3/5.
Bebel Gilberto
2/5
Another one of those albums that seems made intentionally to be played in business hotels. By no means is it bad, but that's kinda my point: beyond saying "well it's a bit bland I guess", there is nothing in it a travelling businessman could complain about. Is the sound abrasive in any way? nope. Is there any kind of dynamic range that might jolt a drunken conference attendee out of a stupor? nope. Are the lyrics going to piss conservatives off? On the off chance that they understand Portugese, probably not - and the English tracks are as tame as it gets. Talk about a masterclass in mediocrity. 2/5.
Emmylou Harris
2/5
I find it hard to believe that anyone named Emmylou isn't going to do country.
Yeah it's country. Like a theatre kid doing country. Not sure how I feel about it. Ok according to wiki she was already in her 50s when this came out. Definitely didn't get that vibe. 2/5 all the same, just don't care about it.
System Of A Down
4/5
I've heard Toxicity before and didn't like it. Chop Suey is one of the most annoying popular rock/metal songs in existence. Serj Tankian's singing grates on me, and I was in the middle of my "man, FUCK nu-metal" phase when they really blew up anyway. I may have heard a song or two from this around 98-99, I definitely knew OF them before Toxicity came out, but it's likely they were just lost among the rest of these bands. I wasn't exactly starving for nu-metal in 1998.
Ok, this is way more "standard late 90s nu-metal" than Toxicity. I had assumed it would be full of Armenian-style melody/wailing - instead it sounds like a mix of Korn, Incubus and... Static-X? In hindsight it makes a lot more sense for a debut album to sound more like established bands. There's still a BIT of vocal silliness going on, but it's far more tolerable. Overall, this is pushing a 5 - the only thing holding it back is a few tracks using that cliche " subdued drum/bass/vocal verse, heavy unhinged chorus" formula that really didn't do the genre any favours. 3.5? 4?
Beck
2/5
I know a LITTLE about Beck, I know he's a bit of an alternative darling, and the few songs of his I know are from the early 90s... this could go either way.
Ok first song is pretty cool. It's a bit more downbeat than I expected, at least compared to his earlier stuff. Not exactly an award winner imo, and it goes FAR too long for something that never really kicks into overdrive.
Final thoughts: this would have been a 3 if he'd known when to rein it in a bit, but this just draaaaagged. And that's after a genuinely good opening track. 2/5.
The Byrds
2/5
Oh good, the Byrds again! Just what this list needed. 2/5 and go fuck yourself.
Terence Trent D'Arby
3/5
I vaguely remember this dude from when I was a kid, I don't recognise any of these songs though. It's pretty cool, bit of a Michael Jackson vibe going on. Rocking and funky at the same time, solid bit of 80s pop. 3/5.
Fiona Apple
2/5
Ok so here we have a 52min (sigh) slab of angry gen X girl quirkiness.... only it's not 1995 anymore. Apple is almost 10 years older than me and all I can think is how immature this is. Every second word was fuck, every second lyric was something like "no, I won't shut up!" etc etc. Are men/the system/record labels/whatever really holding you down in 2020? When you can make an album of this nonsense, using garageband for the music and MS paint for the cover (ie. on a budget of whatever the electricity bill was) and then it charts worldwide? There's no way I can take this sort of shit seriously.
And its Wikipedia entry is baffling - all it does is quote over-the-top gushing reviews. Who on earth could care that much about this artsy nonsense? My guess is these ridiculous reviews were written by either people who care more for her status as feminist icon than her music, or guys who had a crush on her in the late 90s. Didn't anyone in the music press think it was overly long, pretentious crap? This amateur reviewer does. 1 point because she clearly DID put some effort in (even if I don't like the result), and another because she can really sing when she gives it a crack. 2/5.
The Monkees
2/5
This entire album sounded like a spinal tap song:
Don't get me wrong
Try getting me right
Your face is okay
But your purse is too tight
I'm looking for pound notes, loose change, bank checks, anything
Gimme some money, gimme some money
2/5
Nitty Gritty Dirt Band
2/5
Ok this is a complete unknown. I want to say some kind of civil war songs or something?
Ok yeah it's country, complete with banjo. That's cool. Jesus Christ, does this really go for almost 2 hours? Fuuuuuck, what a punish. The songs themselves deserve a 3 but the sheer fucking length of it makes it a 2/5.
Van Morrison
2/5
oh good, more folk rock. and it's the brown eyed girl guy! haha. I think it's almost been 3 days since my last folk album here. 2/5.
The Jam
3/5
Yeah just punk/new wave, nothing really interesting going on, production sounds exactly as you'd expect. Catchy in places though, and great album length at 35min. 3/5.
Jeff Beck
3/5
Not in the mood for anything from 1968 anymore. I know OF Jeff Beck but don't think I've ever heard any of his stuff.
Ok, this isn't the usual late 60s "fuckin kill me now" psychedelic folk rock. Like bluesy hard rock. Pleasantly surprised. 3/5.
Miles Davis
3/5
Eh, jazzy and kinda cool. 3/5.
Richard Hawley
3/5
It's always weird hearing this kinda oldies-style music coming from someone way after, in this case 2005. I can never really get it out of my head that it's all a big gag, some ironic hipster thing. This honestly doesn't sound bad, but again: how on earth is this something I needed to hear before I die? Or more to the point, why are the only albums in this style i've had so far been by this guy and fucking Morrisey? About the closest thing otherwise has been maybe Johnny Cash, and even then it's still miles off. I'm over 400 albums in; surely there could have been some kind of original crooner-type in there by now. 3/5 cause it's honestly not a bad listen. Biggest criticism is that it's a bit boring. At 45min he doesn't really break any of my album length rules, but it doesn't mix it up at all.
Morrissey
3/5
lol literally just yesterday I slagged Morrissey off in another album review, and now here he is today! Bring it on, ya miserable cunt.
Ok yeah just more of the same shit. not unlistenable shit though, at least not for 40min. His vocal phrasing is kinda unique and he the lines are always just shy of what you're expecting. 3/5.
Stan Getz
4/5
Well I think the title gives a fair bit away haha.
Ok this is pretty soothing. I could listen to a fair bit of this. It kind has this gypsy jazz feel to it, the album length is perfect, it has tempo changes between songs, it's just a genuinely fun album. Reading wiki, surprised to find out it's from the US - I was expecting it to be from Brazil or maybe Argentina given the song titles and overall sound. Still, 4/5.
The Prodigy
3/5
Little-known fact: the biggest single event in history to contribute to climate change was the Great Co2 Emission of 1997, in which every angsty, rebellious teenage girl in the world burned her Nine inch Nails and Type O Negative posters to make room for Prodigy ones.
haha fuck, can you imagine being the parent of a shitty teenage kid and seeing this come on TV on a saturday morning? Imagine that sinking feeling in your stomach as you listened to this scungy UK techno dog shit and watched Keith Flint jump around like the degenerate he was, just knowing that your horrid adolescent turd is going to latch straight onto this and start looking like it by the end of the week. And you're helpless to stop it, you can only watch and silently scream. Wouldn't you just want to kill yourself there and then?
3/5 though, cause I was one of those shithead teenagers who thought the Prodigy was pretty rad haha. The album goes for too long, all scungy UK rave techno does, but the singles are still bangers.
Ray Price
3/5
This really old country stuff is alright. It's dated as hell in 2021 but compared to what modern popular country sounds like.... it's definitely not a genre I give a shit about, but yeah this runs rings around whatever passes for cool these days in those circles.
short and sweet, it's unpretentious, it just does its thing and does it well. didn't exactly knock me out of my chair but there's still nothing to really complain about. 3/5.
Emmylou Harris
3/5
Two country albums in a row what a lucky boy I am!
haha jk this isn't too bad, just good old timey country. 3/5.
Marianne Faithfull
2/5
I know of Marianne Faithfull, but never heard anything. Ahhh well, even if it sucks it's only 37min lol.
It's new wave, wasn't expecting that. Figured it'd be country. Not too bad, not too good. Dragged on a bit even at its short length. 2.5/5.
Van Morrison
2/5
lol @ wikipedia saying this is considered by every man and his dog to be the best album of all time. it's not. 2/5.
The Magnetic Fields
2/5
Holy shit what a fucking punish. 3 hours of dreary indie rock. Yes it's very ironic, here's the annoying hipster award. I listened to about half, which is still twice as long as it should've been. 2/5.
Steely Dan
2/5
I can do this because it's only just over half an hour. Half an hour later: yeah just easy listening garbage. 2/5.
Nirvana
5/5
sometimes albums that make the "best album of all time omg" lists are just overhyped nonsense like fleetwood mac, but other times they genuinely are that good. this album deserves to be up there. this is the third Nirvana album I've had here and I'm guessing also the last - I can't think of a sensible reason to have Bleach in here and their other albums are all compilations - but where I gave the others 4s, this one gets the full 5/5.
Bob Marley & The Wailers
3/5
Reggae isn't my favourite genre, but it's mostly because it gives me vibes of people who hang out in seedy backpacker hostels in SE Asia, of sitting in 40 degree heat drinking warm beer at beach bars, that kind of thing. This album isn't too bad - it has a happy enough little personality going on, and the music is pretty inoffensive. It does drag a bit though, it's pretty slow-paced, similar throughout, and goes for 50min.... but for some reason I got more into it towards the end? 3/5.
Randy Newman
2/5
well THAT was boring. 2/5.
The Pogues
5/5
So much fuckin energy here, it's impossible to dislike in any way. It sounds dumb to write it but Shane McGowan's alcoholism was something I thought was really cool in my 20s. I always thought the ultimate rock star would be a cross between him and David Lee Roth. Punk rock energy, arena rock antics, incredible substance abuse problem haha. 5/5.
Fats Domino
3/5
Yeah oldies rock n roll stuff. Fun little listen. 3/5.
Shivkumar Sharma
4/5
This fuckin rules. This is the sort of album I wanted on this, not 100 Beatles albums. 4/5.
Eminem
3/5
This was really popular when I was about 17. Not too bad, goes a bit too long. But young Eminem was angry lol. 3/5.
Pavement
2/5
It's really hard to be nice to this... second album by this lot on here and I gave the last one a whopping 1/5. This is ever so slightly better, it's still full of "artsy" amateur DIY moments, but song structures are at least halfway normal. It's gone from being unlistenable garbage on the last album to boring 90s indie, but even that's a step up. 2/5.
Alice In Chains
5/5
Cantrell and Staley are the single best 2-man combo in music, and this album is their peak (except maybe Facelift or Jar of Flies, depending on the day). 5/5.
Yes
4/5
I dig this sort of early prog rock, it insists upon itself but it's fun. 4/5.
Beatles
2/5
Honestly, fucking hell. This has no place here, it's just boring SHIT. 2/5.
The Cars
3/5
urgh it's gonna be new wave, I just know it. Ok yea it is, but it's got a bit more rock in it than later new wave. I'd still prefer this genre didn't exist but I'll give this 3/5 cause it's so short and didn't drive me up the wall in that time.
John Mayall & The Bluesbreakers
3/5
This has all the hallmarks of outdated 60s shit (nothing but cover songs, musicians I'm sick of hearing about, etc) but it IS pretty bluesy in a good way, and Clapton can play for sure. That's a nice tone and they clearly all knew what they were doing. Got a bit boring after a while though, pretty jammy and at the end of the day not much variation between songs. Would have been a 2/5 but I feel a need to offset all the idiots going "omg white people playing the blues how typically racist" as if different cultures haven't been ripping each other off for millenia. 3/5.
Janelle Monáe
5/5
Funny coincidence - yesterday was the first time I'd ever heard of Janelle Monae. They had her singing in the street out of one of those US morning TV shows. The TV was on mute so all I could see was Janelle's Michael Jackson ripoff outfit and a bunch of never-been-kissed type girls waving signs in the crowd. I rolled my eyes, assuming she was some kind of X Factor singer or some other yank shit. Then today, THIS is the album.
Buuuuuuuut.... it's really fucking good? I wasn't expecting that at all. The Michael Jackson influence is pretty clear musically, maybe a bit of Jamiroquai-ish jam in there too, and I guess it's shouldn't be a surprise that an album called "ArchAndroid" has a bunch of electric sheep references. This is what modern pop music should sound like, not the lowbrow shit filling the top 50. What a shame - this should be way better known. It has vision, ambition, variety and it's incredibly well written. I actually listened to it twice - this for an album over an hour long, in a genre I don't usually like. That's saying something. I think it even cured my hangover. Or maybe that was the codeine, not sure. Either way this is a fucking 5/5.
Led Zeppelin
4/5
Ahhh what can I say? Led Zep just rules. 4/5.
Traffic
2/5
No idea what this is going to be but I'm not feeling positive vibes.
Ah that's why! It's more psychedelic folk rock type stuff. Mercifully it's only half an hour long. 2/5.
Fairport Convention
2/5
You are fucking kidding me. ANOTHER album from 1969. And of course it's fucking folk rock, with a more annoying than usual singer. Guy who wrote this book, I fucking hate you. It's like the sole purpose of it is to make me listen to boomer bullshit 5 days a week. 2/5.
Japan
2/5
There's no way this isn't going to be new wave. Yeah, it is. I actually fell asleep. 2/5.
Grizzly Bear
2/5
Why does this sort of twee, folky, indie "rock" always have to overstay its welcome? This album was over 3 songs in but for some reason felt the need to punish me for a further 9 songs and 45min. Nothing but padded drums, banjos and meaningless waify vocals. If it had been around the 30min mark (and not 55) I might have even given it a 3 just for having some self-awareness. Also, why is the softest thing ever named after an animal renowned for ripping your fucking face off? Is that part of the gag? Thanks, hipsters. HAR HAR. 2/5.
Frank Black
2/5
Eh, 90s alt rock. Goes too long and never really takes off, just meanders around. For over an hour. Also, is that him on the cover? Hideous. 2/5.
k.d. lang
2/5
Really solid voice, but not a fan of this kinda cabaret muzak stuff. Feels like the soundtrack to pretending to be artsy. Constant craving (the only song I'd heard before) is the most upbeat by a mile, the rest really subdued. 2/5.
Little Simz
1/5
lol this was the musical equivalent of those memes trashy people share on Facebook when they don't want to admit they're bottom feeders, and think everyone around them is the problem, holding them down. Just a whole heap of mindless "street philosophy" about removing toxic people from your life and being true to yourself. SPARE ME. 1/5.
Radiohead
2/5
I fucking hate radiohead. This isn't as bad as a couple of their other albums but it's still a 2/5.
Tom Waits
2/5
Well this is an annoying gimmick. I didn't really like Tom Waits to start with, but this whole world-weary jazzman in a smoky bar telling stories interspersed with the occasional song shtick... spare me. And the "audience" laughing at every little quip? please. either they're as pompous and artsy-fartsy as he is, or this is all fake. Oh, and it goes for 75min. 2/5.
Talking Heads
2/5
Nameless new wave. 2/5.
Ray Charles
3/5
Was originally going to give this a 2, but according to Wikipedia it goes for 39min, not 75. This pushes it up to a 3 - it's super dated and I really shouldn't try and judge it too much, but it definitely gets its point across loooong before it finishes. 3/5.
Jamiroquai
4/5
Not my fav Jamiroquai but it still rules. Incredibly funky, lots of fun. 4/5.
3/5
It's really hard to give this an honest rating - even though it'd been out for almost 20 years by the time I was born, I've heard some of these songs more than I can remember, and I've listened to the album start to finish at least once or twice trying to "get" it. To this end it's really hard to separate familiarity and an objective review. Realistically it sounds like a lot of the other stuff from that era, doesn't honestly stand out that much - they just got lucky with their popularity. On the other hand, even if it is just a collection of supermarket jingles in 2021, I do tap my foot because I know it all so well.
3/5 is about as honest as I can do.
The Avalanches
2/5
I've heard of these guys but never actually heard them - going by the name/cover I'm gonna say indie rock?
Ok it's more like indie disco, if such a genre exists. A bit sappy and boring. Lots of samples, looped shit, nothing really interesting. Oh, the song Frontier Psychiatrist is familiar. Overall didn't like this. Ran too long as well. 2/5.
2Pac
2/5
Ah this is like 50% cool and 50% just plain boring. Heard it a lot when I was a teenager, lots of mates really loved it. I haven't bothered with it in years though.
Intro is laughable, some ridiculous pretend newsbyte about how he got shot and walked himself out of hospital cause he's SO FUCKIN TUFF. Yet when he really DID get shot, he died. Oh, not before he went to prison for rape though. It's amazing that antics like this made him some kind of All Time Most Eligible Bachelor among girls at my high school.
Rest of the album is mostly the same sort of stuff - "thug spirit", a whole heap of that "street philosophy" that r/im14andthisisdeep would identify with etc. The actual tunes aren't too bad, but these lyrics are fucking cringeworthy. 2/5.
TLC
2/5
Nameless 90s R&B. Wasn't my fav genre to start with - even back then I thought TLC were shit - and listening to almost an hour of it in 2021 was pretty painful. 2/5.
Elvis Presley
4/5
it's the fucken KING!!!!
The only reason people my age listen to Elvis is if their parents listened to him, and mine didn't. But this is just undeniably catchy. He's a way more versatile singer than I expected, too. 4/5.
Willie Nelson
2/5
This was alright but never really took off. It kinda felt like every song was the intro to something else, but that something else never came along. I've enjoyed the other Willie Nelson stuff I've heard, but this was just too soft, too much of a non-event, really. Surprised to read it was so well-received (according to wiki).
I don't have anything to back this up, but it wouldn't surprise me if this was part of the inspiration for Eddie Vedder's Into the Wild soundtrack. Granted, that was a bazillion times better, but I do get similar vibes.
2/5.
Sisters Of Mercy
5/5
I fucking love this album. It's amazing that they did so much with such a minimal approach. Just last night I was drunk and trying to get my mates to love Lucretia my reflection as much as I do, so this is fitting. 5/5.
Stereo MC's
1/5
Nameless UK techno/rap/funk/whatever. I was bored before the first song even finished, and it goes for an hour (because of course it does). 1/5.
Def Leppard
4/5
Honestly this is jam packed full of catchy shit. Everything is pretty big, really well-written, perfectly executed, etc ec. The vocal harmonies in particular are where they really stand out I guess - and the way they meld with the guitar melodies so well. Production is flawless, if a little declawed, but it really is just a crystal clear, perfect little slice of late 80s production. It's openly cheesy as shit, just puts itself right out there celebrating the big hair/sleaze look - it's almost like they knew hipsters in 2021 would go into conniptions in the knowledge they can't stop it existing already. ha.
Criticisms: Excitable is a dead set awful song, and Don't Shoot Shotgun isn't far behind. Also, it feels like the whole album could have been one long song - great for cohesion, and might have been amazing at 30min... but 60? They could have trimmed the fat and I probably would've given it a 5/5.
That being said, it's been fun to listen to this again in full, haven't heard it beyond the hits in a good 10+ years. 4/5.
The Who
2/5
50% beatles, 50% rolling stones, 100% dog shit. 2/5.
The Beach Boys
2/5
2: the number of albums I've had in a row from 1965!
2: the number of albums that sound the same in as many days
2: the number of lyrical themes on this (love, incest)
2: the number I give this out of 5.
T. Rex
3/5
I'm kinda surprised at how different T-Rex sounds to all the SHIT that existed in the UK in the early 70s. Can definitely hear why every glam band ever cites them as an influence. It still doesn't quite escape the shadow of bands like The Beatles and beach boys etc though, you can hear them in there a fair bit. 3/5.
Willie Nelson
2/5
I don't like "standards". It's not that I think they're the absolute worst thing ever to happen in music (pretty much the entire top 40 of the last 5-6 years is worse alone) but I do find the sentiment, cheesiness, lack of creativity and just overall low-hanging-fruitness of them kinda sickening. It's kinda telling that, in 2021, they're generally reserved for bottom-feeders like Norah Jones and Michael Buble. So yeah.
I also recognise that this comes from a different time, and maybe it wasn't such a load of kitschy shit for Willie to put this crap out in 1978. So I'm trying to keep an open mind here, although this being the second Willie Nelson album I've had this week (and the second that isn't any good) it is a bit of a struggle.
Overall, at least it has the good grace to only go for half an hour. 2/5.
Bob Dylan
2/5
I just don't "get" Bob Dylan at all, and tbh I find him more than a little annoying. I'd give this a 1 out of spite but it didn't actively disgust me. 2/5.
Lauryn Hill
2/5
I remember this being really popular when it came out, but I thought it was shit. It was everywhere for some reason.
Yeah, still shit. Just boring rap/r&b, riddled with dumb skits and of fucking COURSE it goes for over an hour. Didn't anyone in this genre take any interest in quality control after about 1993? Fuck's sake. 2/5.
Frank Sinatra
2/5
Sinatra has always reminded me of loser guys who think crooning and smelling like old spice is "dapper". The sort of guys that wouldn't use quotes when saying the word "dapper". So I've always just kinda written his music off as a load of shit by proxy. Never heard anything beyond the big hits.
Realistically though, it's just a bit of a boring collection of oldies crud. Maybe it IS "dapper", I dunno. Or care. 2/5.
Red Snapper
2/5
My initial thought looking at the cover/title was scungy UK techno, and... well, yep. Not as grimy as some I've heard, but still the soundtrack to any given ps1 snowboarding game. And the length.... sigh. They never learn. I'd really like a genuine reason why I couldn't die before I heard this. It did NOT satisfy. 2/5.
Bobby Womack
4/5
Groovy, funky, pretty upbeat - not my chosen genre but I enjoyed the hell out of it. Really cool surprise. 4/5.
Dinosaur Jr.
2/5
There's something just not right about late 80s alternative rock that doesn't come from Seattle. It's like while Nirvana and Mudhoney were based on punk, and Soundgarden/AIC metal, bands like this were rooted in whiny, jangly, shoegazey, cynical "nothing fucking matters anyway" garage nerd rock. It has its moments where it almost rocks, but still has that distinctly "not Seattle indie" vibe. I think the core problem is it hates itself, but can't channel it well. It's like a depressed kid's assignment. 2/5.
New Order
3/5
It's like new wave but dancier. Can't say it's my favourite thing ever but it's a short album and there was nothing downright bad about it. 3/5.
Buena Vista Social Club
3/5
This is the sort of thing that gets played on repeat in backpacker hostels and bars across Asia. It doesn't suck by any means, but it's a one trick pony. 3/5.
Napalm Death
5/5
I saw napalm death live once at a festival and pissed myself laughing the whole time. They even heckled bands playing on the other stages haha. Scum might be noisy shit but Christ it's preferable to yet another Beatles/beach boys/the who album. Just a shame the dickhead compiling this list chose their worst album instead of one of their sweet early 90s death metal ones. Come to think of it, there's no death metal on this list at all really.
5/5 because fuck the system or something.
David Gray
2/5
Not sure going by the cover but I want to say more scungy UK shit.
hmm it's got a bit of a scumbag electronic drumbeat (and lol yep UK), but it's more of a singer-songwriter affair. Whiny shitty lyrics. Goes for too long, as if we don't get the idea by about 30 seconds in. Sounds like fucking Bob Dylan at times. Apparently Dave Matthews made it popular. Just another reason to hate Dave Matthews I guess... as if we needed one lol. 2/5.
Janet Jackson
2/5
An hour of Janet Jackson, are you serious? uggghhh.
This is like pop music on steroids, which I guess is kinda cool? But it does get old. If it only went for half an hour it'd be a 3, but here we are. 2/5.
Bob Dylan
2/5
I swear I've already had this album. Maybe I changed universes overnight. Bit of a shame this new universe is one where Bob Dylan still exists. 2/5.
Sonic Youth
2/5
I said this a few reviews ago so I'm just repeating myself here, but 80s alternative from the US that doesn't come from Seattle is always lame. This is just shoegazey shit, high school garage band quality/talent. 2/5.
Dire Straits
4/5
Dire Straits never had a bad album, and this is one of the best. Mark Knopfler is a god. About time there's some "classic rock" on this that I actually like. I'd love to give this a full score but there is a hint of reggae at times. 4/5.
Sly & The Family Stone
2/5
Oh good, 1969 again! ffs list.
This had a few moments but mostly it was psychedelic nonsense. Felt longer than 40min, too - the fucking 14min extended jam track didn't help. At least it's funk-based and not folk psychedelia, I guess. 2/5.
Stevie Wonder
3/5
This is a catchy enough album, kinda funky, doesn't overstay its welcome and has a couple of well known hits on it. 3/5.
Nick Drake
2/5
Nick Drake is kinda like Jeff Buckley - they're both unknown outside "big indie" circles but absolutely adored inside them, they both killed themselves in their 20s and they both bore the Christ out of me. 2/5.
Chicago
2/5
I'm tempted to give everything from 1969 an automatic 1/5 from now on because there is TOO MUCH from this time period, but this is alright. It was almost proggy in places, but mostly just kinda poppy jazz. 75 minutes was punishing though. 2/5.
Pere Ubu
1/5
Anyone who thinks this 35min noisy, amateur ear-bashing is a landmark album needs help. "It's, uh, avant garde!"... yeah, nah. Spare me. I'm amazed I got to the end. 1/5.
Metallica
5/5
I can't even give this an honest review. It was one of the first albums I ever owned (about 30 years ago now), I've listened to it more times than I've had hot dinners, I've learnt the whole thing on guitar, I know every single song inside and out. It's legit the epitome of heavy metal, even of rock music in general. 5/5.
Lou Reed
2/5
I've never liked Lou Reed. I don't like this early 70s glam rock stuff in general. This album is no exception to either of those things. 2/5.
Motörhead
5/5
There's something really charming about Motorhead, especially their early-mid 80s stuff. I could listen to it all week (and I think I have done at times lol). Super unique, gritty as it gets, it's one of those few times you don't have to wonder if the band was just writing songs about rock n roll or not. You can hear the authenticity oozing out of the speakers. Lemmy wasn't bunging on the "30 beers and 2 packs of smokes" voice. 5/5.
Tears For Fears
4/5
I've never heard this full album before but it's fucking cool. A few slow moments but the good bits make up for it. Also, 8 songs and 40min is a great album length. 4/5.
Bruce Springsteen
5/5
Sometimes when I hear an album for the first time, I'll absolutely love it. Sometimes I'll absolutely hate it. But it's really rare that I'll feel "comfortable" with it from the word go. I think by about halfway into the first song here, it felt like I was catching up with an old mate. I've never heard this album before, I don't even think I've heard any of the songs from it. But it legit felt like I've heard it countless times. There's something really cool about that. Can't give it any less than full marks. 5/5.
k.d. lang
2/5
Imagine this being your first album. A bunch of cabaret-style country cover songs. This is hotel lobby fodder if I've ever heard it. Has no place on this list. 2/5.
Stevie Wonder
2/5
This was a real step down from the last Stevie Wonder album about a week ago. Too much really soft wishy washy stuff. A couple of barely ok songs, but I'll never listen to it again. 2/5.
Fairport Convention
1/5
Fucking terrible. 1969, folk music, just doesn't get any worse for me. 1/5.
Brian Wilson
2/5
This is a bit of a struggle... I like some Beach Boys stuff but it's a "small doses" sort of affair. Singles good, whole albums are a stretch. This feels like an entire album of b-sides - which it kinda is, reading the history. There's not much substance to any of it. I'm really at a loss as to why it's made it into a list this prestigious (lol). 2/5.
Venom
3/5
Heavy metal is awesome but Venom has never done it for me. They got lucky in that they were one of the (if not THE) first bands to get really gritty. None of it is particularly good - it just plods along, a mix of noisy and boring. About the best I can say is that it influenced a lot of the more extreme end of metal, which I love. Within a year or two of this, Venom had been completely outclassed and made obsolete. Why the hell would you listen to this when 2 years later you can have ride the lightning? 2 points but I gotta grudgingly bump it up to 3 because it was so influential. 3/5.
George Michael
4/5
This is what pop music should sound like. It just does it all really well. This is a total 4/5.
The White Stripes
3/5
The White Stripes are one of the few bands from this late 90s/early 00s indie rock scene I can enjoy. This isn't as good as Elephant, it's really heavy on the DIY garage rock vibe and it can get kinda grating if i'm not in the mood for underproduced barebones jams, but it's still fun enough for an occasional listen. 3/5.
Spiritualized
3/5
This had potential but was a lot of big swing, no ding. I liked it in theory but in practice it was too long and that bit too indie. Space rock sounds like a great concept, I wanted to really like it and I could hear what it was aiming for, but it mostly missed the mark. 3/5 though cause any less would be a diss.
Prince
3/5
This went for way too long for an album with no standout hits. There were a few alright tunes though. Dynamically it was all over the place - some songs were far louder than others for no real reason, and it never had much low end. On an individual level I can see how ambitious and complex this is, but it's too perfectionist-y. if it was half as long I may have given it a 4, but it isn't. 3/5.
Turbonegro
5/5
I absolutely love this album. It's this perfect mix of jackass style jokes (didn't hurt they were on the soundtrack to half of it), genuinely cool hard rock a la Motorhead, and peppered with guitar solos. It also makes me rub my fucking nipples with glee when I read reviews for metal/punk/whatever albums on here, and so many people have written that they didn't finish the album. "Ugh, too loud!" hahaha, fuck you. This is a legit 5/5 without even thinking.
Neil Young
2/5
This story begins a little somberly: you are lying in bed in a nursing home. You've been there for a while now, for an indeterminate length of time. Sometimes it feels like you've just arrived, other times it feels you've been there an eternity. You're not really sick, but at the same time you're not very well - truth is, you're just dying. Things are slowing down, your body is as likely to betray you as cooperate, and your mind is fuzzy most of the time.
You're about halfway mobile; you can usually sit down and shit on your own, but you need help wiping and getting back up. A young man brushes your teeth most days, and for the most part you manage to open your mouth wide enough for him. Similarly, you can shuffle around on a walker but it's easier to spend most of your days just lying in bed, drifting in and out of sleep and simply being prodded awake a few times a day for those mushy meals they dish out at old folks homes.
Sometimes, a relative comes to visit. Is it your son? Or maybe that's a grandson? You just don't know anymore, and for some reason it doesn't really matter anyway. Each morning, the nice girl comes and wraps something around your arm then looks at a device. You used to know what it was for, and you consider asking what's going on, but before you've had a chance she's removed it and gone to the bed next door. She is a nice girl, but sometimes she stands at your bed and talks to others about you as if you aren't even there.
Eventually, one day you just take a final breath. As you release, it's more of a sigh than anything. For the first time ever in your life, your body chooses not to breathe back in. But in the ensuing stillness, you can hear a slight melody. It sounds distinctly familiar: it's the vocal line to Heart of Gold. And it's at that point you realise just how uneventful this all is. There's no fanfare awaiting you in the afterlife, no final moment of resplendent, youthful glory. And to be fair, there's also minimal pain and definitely no jarring moments. So you've got that going for you, which is nice. If anything, it's all just mildly uninteresting at this point. A lot like Neil Young's Harvest.
2/5.
X-Ray Spex
2/5
maybe this was cool in 1978? 2/5.
Lenny Kravitz
3/5
I've never heard any Lenny Kravitz from before are u gonna go my way, this is at least kinda interesting. It's like the Beatles but with a reggae influence or something. 3/5.
Neil Young & Crazy Horse
2/5
Fuck Neil Young. 2/5.
N.W.A.
4/5
Always enjoyed this, love those old school rap samples and beats. It's a shame no one's really doing that any more. I'd give it the full 5 but let's be honest, Eazy-E wasn't that good. 4/5.
Screaming Trees
5/5
Mark Lanegan is a god. This isn't their best album but that doesn't make it less than a 5/5.
Pixies
2/5
I know I've said this before but this late 80s noise rock/alternative/garage punk/not-anywhere-near-as-good-as-grunge stuff really isn't for me. It feels like an entire movement headed by people who couldn't play instruments, and that not being able to play was the core part of it - "make your lack of ability work for you" seems to be the order of the day. Which would be admirable if I liked the end result... but I don't. Pretty cool that it has tits on the cover though. 2/5.
Miriam Makeba
3/5
Can't say this is really my thing, but it was at least a bit of a fresh change from the rest of the albums on this list. The more typically-African songs are kinda cool, but the English covers are really dated. Overall pretty easy going Friday morning vibe. I'll never listen to it again, but at least it wasn't another album with Neil Young in it. 3/5.
The Velvet Underground
2/5
Christ, this fucking sucks. Why does this book constantly, without end, punish me with late 60s SHIT? 2/5.
Gil Scott-Heron
2/5
According to all my searches this album doesn't even exist lol. How do I score this?
I listened to another album of his on Spotify from 72, was jazzy. Not my thing. 2/5.
John Lennon
2/5
Oh come on, fuck the cult of John Lennon. This is pretty boring, too. Just really bland. 2/5.
Miles Davis
2/5
20 minute esoteric jazz improv numbers aren't really my thing. 1 hr 45min albums tend also not to really be my thing. That being said, I will give this a second listen with my super cool headphones at work today, see if it has some kind of weird groove I can get into. But for the sheer size of it and the fact that it is, after all, just jazz.... it's a 2/5 from me.
Ramones
3/5
Very short album, straight to the point, nothing more than it seems. Influential on a lot of bands I really like but not really my thing all said. A bit of a fun listen all the same. 3/5.
Todd Rundgren
3/5
This looks like it could be weird. 70s prog?
Ok yeah early prog rock, not too bad but also not fantastic. Was a shame I listened to it at 6:30am, before the mushies kicked in. 3/5.
Herbie Hancock
3/5
Pretty funky, long songs but only 40min. 3/5
Buzzcocks
2/5
Oh good, late 70s UK punk. Hooray. I think the lawn mower pissing me off outside sounds better than this. 2/5.
The Kinks
2/5
I really don't want to listen to this. I'm really sick of this stuff. I'm over the late 1960s. Do you hear me?!?! Done with em!!
Listened anyway, was exactly as expected. The one song the other reviews said was amazing was average at best. 2/5.
Elbow
2/5
Never heard of this before, but guessing UK?. aaaand yep, some whiny Coldplay/Radiohead ripoff affair. Fuck off hey, wuss rock shit. 2/5.
Goldie
2/5
Goldie? Never even heard of it. Bet it sucks though. Oh and apparently it goes for almost 2 hours. Good, grand, wonderful! aaaaand it's scungy UK techno, annoying drums, instant ps1 snowboarding game vibes. Fuck off. 2 hours? More like 2/5.
SZA
1/5
Eh, just modern r&b that seems to celebrate trashiness. Lots of ting ting ting sounds, do u wanna fuck dis pussy n---a, etc etc. Imagine if this ends up getting shot into space for the aliens to hear, haha. 1/5.
Talk Talk
3/5
This is ok, mostly sounds like a b-grade Icehouse to me though. Has a few moments where it gets up, but also lots of mopey introspective stuff. I think this deserves a 3 overall - 1 for sounding like Icehouse, 1 for the occasional song that rocks, 1 for being new wave that doesn't piss me off. 3/5.
Kacey Musgraves
2/5
lol, poppy country music. Laaaaaaaame. 2/5.
Elvis Costello
2/5
"Music journalists like Elvis Costello because music journalists look like Elvis Costello" - David Lee Roth. 2/5.
Yes
4/5
I listened to this album a few years ago as part of a Yes marathon. It's a giant wank but I do like this kind of prog rock. It's cool to see how something as shit as the Beatles kinda turned into a style of music that I like. 4/5.
The Hives
4/5
Enjoyable album, nothing earth shattering (and the strokes are better imo) but it's a bit of fun and at only 28min it's here for a good time, not a long time. 4/5.
Air
2/5
this kind of quiet house stuff isn't really my thing. it's like an annoying combo of retro sounds (moogs, or at least some imitation) over the top of modern beats. overall very bland, would be the background music to background music. or maybe i'm just not stoned enough - it could be alright if I was just slightly off my head. daft punk for people with even less personality? is that possible?
oh, and they have a singer on some songs and she must have placed the mic inside her mouth. you can hear every little glisten of mucus in the back of her throat, it's fucking disgusting. i don't need to hear the saliva splash around between her tongue and cheeks every time she opens her mouth. good fucking god, honestly.
wrap-up: just more bland electronica for elevators and hotel lobbies. 2/5.
Björk
2/5
oooh everyone look, it's Björk and she's being weird again! Isn't she just so WACKY? 2/5.
The Smiths
3/5
Good enough but never really takes off. Just left me wanting for the most part. Better than Morrissey's solo stuff though. 3/5.
Beastie Boys
3/5
Everyone likes the Beastie Boys, and sabotage is one of their best songs. Heard a few others as well here. Album is a bit overly long and unfocused at times, pretty 1990s. Would be a 4 if it was only half an hour. 3/5.
Jeru The Damaja
4/5
Way better than expected, like a mix between Public enemy and Ice-T. And compared to modern rap, this is fucking Mozart. 4/5.
Kelela
2/5
This looks like it's gonna be r&b. Oh great it's also dance music, but kinda quiet dance? Either way yeah not my thing. Every song sounds the same. This was a chore. 2/5.
Röyksopp
3/5
This isn't really my thing, it's kinda just muzak really, but I do have to give it a couple of points for being incredibly well crafted. It's slick as fuck... just boringly so. 3/5.
The Stranglers
2/5
This won't be any good.
Yeah, not very good, but not obnoxious. First song was dece, bit doors-ey, then it hit early punk suck territory. This is why I should be able to give ratings out of ten - 2 seems too low, and 3 seems too high. This is exactly what 2.5/5 sounds like.
Stevie Wonder
3/5
Nothing really stands out here, but it sounded nice enough. Probably wouldn't listen again, but I definitely didn't have to grit my teeth as it played. 3/5.
Spiritualized
2/5
Sometimes I really, really wonder what the compilers of this list were thinking. This was just the biggest, boringest non event of an album. Never again. 2/5.
The Who
2/5
No more late 60s. Fuck. Off. 2/5.
Sepultura
5/5
I'm a big Sepultura fan and I listened to this just a few days ago in the car. So not actually going to listen again today... although coincidentally, as I load this project today I'm watching a live video of them from 1996 and tons of Roots material is on it, so eh.
Normally I'd rate it in relation to the rest of Sepultura's (Max-era) catalogue and it'd get a 2 or 3; compared to their previous albums it's too long and half the songs have a dumb jam feel to them. When it came out I wasn't surprised it sounded like it did, but I was still disappointed - I knew there was zero chance it'd sound like Arise, but I was hoping it'd be more like Chaos AD than it was. The nu-metal sound was just everywhere, all my favourite bands seemed to be doing the mid-90s in a way I didn't like and I remember hearing Roots and thinking "oh for christ's sake, Sepultura as well?"
These days I like it more than I did in 1996 (and the title track has always been A+) but it's still at the bottom end of their catalogue. I gave up on Sepultura after this album, simply because Max left the band and the album after it was just crap. I do have to give Kisser, Paulo and Green a tip of the hat because they've stuck at it for so long since, and their last album is actually really good, but I'm just a Cavalera tragic at heart. Roots was basically end of the line for me.
But then again, compared to the absolute SHIT this project throws at me 6 days per week, Roots is a fucking masterpiece. I'm not judging it by other Sepultura albums today; I'm rating in comparison to the same late 60s folk/pop/rock yawnfests I hear over and over every day. And on that scale, Roots gets a 5/5.
Milton Nascimento
3/5
Ok that's two Brazilian albums in a row, wasn't expecting that. This is really nice and inoffensive, doesn't make my hangover angry on a Sunday morning so that's nice. Bit long though. 3/5.
David Bowie
3/5
It's Bowie, it's fun enough. It's not a masterpiece, but it doesn't suck. Listened to the whole thing without groaning once. 3/5.
Beyoncé
1/5
Really? Beyonce? Christ, ok.
aaaand it was just as shit as expected. Just r&b that sounds like it was made in a factory. Because it was. Naturally there are about 10000000 outside writers per song. Why does the music press pretend this shit is a personal statement about anything? Like oh yeah this really came from her heart.... and the hearts of about 500 dudes.
1/5 get the fuck outta here.
Rage Against The Machine
5/5
This is another one of those albums that was part of the soundtrack to the early 90s. I didn't know about hardcore at the time, I was into stuff like Metallica, Pearl Jam and Guns n Roses, but this was completely different... I didn't know what it was, I had no context to put it in, it was just a fucking great album. I was too young to understand the whole sociopolitical anger thing, I just liked it because it was pissed off. And far out, it really is pissed off. De La Rocha really slams it home. There's a real grit to his voice that sucks you in. I think I still listen to it probably 2-3 times a year. Same with Evil Empire.
Listening to the lyrics today I can kiiiinda see some of the criticism - it IS just basic entry level anti-establishment stuff (I'll admit I bought right into similar ideas when I was a first-year uni student, so no judgement here), and I do understand the ticket scandal a few years ago was really hypocritical of them, and Morello's subsequent statement was really half-arsed - but who gives a fuck? I don't care if they are/were diehard guerilla warriors, MAGA dickheads, or anywhere in between. I don't think there are many topics you couldn't cover when you thump this hard. I know there are people who think you aren't allowed to listen to it unless you agree with it, then others who think RATM are really just part of the machine they claim to hate so can fuck off... and cool guys. You do you. I'm rocking out.
I also think "know your enemy" is one of those really underrated rock songs of the 90s. Not underrated in the "wicked underground" sense, but just overlooked despite the size of the album.
5/5.
TV On The Radio
2/5
ew 00s indie rock, and even worse it has pop touches. 2/5.
Donovan
1/5
Even just looking at this album cover makes me annoyed. Look at his ugly fucken elfin head. Look at the stupid renaissance-fair-on-LSD aesthetic. Oh good, it's 1966. Fancy that: the boomers who compiled this shitty book have added yet another album from the late 60s.
And big fucking surprise, it sounds exactly as horrendous as it looks. Waify, cringey late 60s psychedelic garbage. I'll give it a point for not pretending to be anything that it isn't... but I have to give it at least 1 point anyway. So there's it's point. 1/5.
Rocket From The Crypt
4/5
Ok I don't think I've heard any of this before, but it feels like I have. I like it! Rocks just right. Bit of rockabilly but not so much it turns me off. I would happily listen to a few of these tunes again. 4/5.
The Stooges
2/5
My big, big, big, BIG gripe with stuff like the Stooges is they'd be laughed out of town if they released this sort of shit today. Sure you could argue it's formative, influential, even "trailblazing" hahaha... but really it just kinda sucks. It simply had the privilege of springing into being at a time when the bar for rock music was set super low as everyone cast off the formulaic slickness of all that 60s pop rock. Funnily enough, I can see all the other low reviews here hate the vocals.... I gotta admit that's the best part for me, and I don't like Iggy Pop at all. Nah, the bland music is the true weak point here. Did we really need multiple 8min "proto-punk" jam sessions? Course we fucking didn't. 2/5.
Led Zeppelin
4/5
Led Zeppelin and Black Sabbath are 2 big exceptions to my "fuck off late 60s" vibe on this project. This album doesn't fly as high as their later stuff, they hadn't really let the cat fully out of the bag yet, but they don't have a bad album anyway. Everything is at least "pretty damn good". 4/5.
Bill Evans Trio
3/5
Is this gonna be jazz? Yeah, it was jazz. Not too bad really, not my cup of tea overall but I didn't mind listening even though it went for an hour. Turned out to be a fun soundtrack to getting punished in Elden Ring. Some weird percussion sounds though - I kept thinking something inside my flat was making a noise but it was the music haha. 3/5.
Daft Punk
2/5
Let's be real: Daft Punk is one of the most overrated groups of the last 20 years or so. I was never into the club scene, and MDMA has never been my drug of choice, so naturally none of this makes any sense to me. It just repeats ad nauseum for 75 minutes. Yeah, an hour and a quarter.
If it was half as long it'd be alright tbh. Around the World is a catchy little tune... it just gets its point across in about 2min then goes for another 5. Da Funk isn't bad either - both those songs would be totally listenable if they'd just trimmed the fucking fat. I think there were radio edits (I remember hearing both those songs on the radio, and no way would a 7min song make it onto pop radio) but the album punishes us with full-length versions instead. The rest of the album is forgettable, just b-grade rehashes of the same idea.
All that aside, I do have to grudgingly give this a 2/5 - it never actively made me spit chips. It just droned on mindlessly in the background.
Public Enemy
4/5
Public Enemy was that tiny bit too old by the time I started listening to music that wasn't in the top 40 (metal, rap, punk etc). Even though it was only about 1992-93, Public Enemy was already a thing of the past. I knew who they were, but no one was listening to them. It was all about much more "gangsta" shit by that point, or Cypress Hill - thinking about it, there was an almost instant shift away from PE's style. Not sure what the catalyst was, would be interesting to know. But out with the socially-conscious lyric stuff, in with the street life and weed themes. That may also just have been a regional Australia thing and limited to my own experience, can't say for sure. But it's weird to realise that PE were releasing albums that sounded this good right up to the changing of the guard. It's not like they were washed up or anything and needed to pass the torch.
In any case, I do really like this style. The sampling and drum beats etc float my boat much more than the later "bassline + drum machine" formula that became the norm. And Chuck D's voice is genuinely cool. I'd listen to him read the phone book. This is an easy 4/5 - I'd give it a full 5 but it's over an hour and some of it (eg. "Pollywannacraka") was filler.
Curtis Mayfield
5/5
I'd heard the title track but nothing else here. Somehow it makes me feel nostalgic - it was released 12 years before I was even born, so that makes no sense. I guess it just gives me vibes of those cool sexy 70s, really sums up what they fed us of that decade in the 1990s. Like a best-of summary - all the cool funky disco bits, none of the mediocre shit that no doubt also existed, and it clocks in at a cruisy 36min. Either way, my life is that bit more complete now that I've heard this, and it's definitely going on the "listen again" pile. For this project, that's pretty uncommon. And for a movie soundtrack? Rare as rocking horse shit. Full marks are deserved. 5/5.
Portishead
1/5
I can't for the life of me work out what the point of this is, let alone why it would appear on a list of albums I need to hear before I die. There's bugger all meaningful structure, no ups or downs, amazingly little substance and it's not particularly musical or even dissionant enough to raise an eyebrow.... it just exists. for 50min. Is anyone out there dull enough that they'd list this as their favourite album ever? Thank fuck I had a couple of other things on the boil while this played, because if I'd had nothing else to do I think I'd still be sitting there waiting for this to finish. What a boring, absolute non-event of an album. 1/5.
Led Zeppelin
5/5
This album is a fuckin' masterpiece. IMO stairway is the best song ever written (that I've heard) and totally deserves all the praise it gets. Black dog is surprisingly hard to play on guitar. Really jazzy feel but it's a rock song. Rock n Roll is such a simple tune but Plant's singing just sends it into the stratosphere. Even the more, uh, "adventurous" tunes are still interesting and hypnotic. The Battle of Evermore is basically a vocal solo. Interesting drumming, Jimmy fuckin' Page's leads... there's more or less nothing I can criticise about this album. It even goes for the perfect ~40min. And they were in their early 20s when they wrote it. It defies belief. 6/5 if I could.
Creedence Clearwater Revival
5/5
There isn't a bad song on this. Actually, nothing short of "fucking great". Am I about to hand out two 5s in a row? I think so! exciting times. 5/5.
New Order
2/5
This would be an easy 3/5, the tunes are kinda easily-digestible 80s new wave/synthpop and some of the melodies are pleasant... but the singer is terrible. wtf? he's completely out of key and then makes it worse by being whiny as well. It's actually pretty baffling just how bad the singing is. How on earth did this band ever see success with a singer THIS AWFUL? I thought I'd just get over it for the space of this album, but after about 3 songs I started to struggle. It's a shame, because in theory I should like this a lot more. 2/5.
Christine and the Queens
3/5
I only listened to the first (English) half of this - wasn't going to punish myself by listening to it twice and at 90 minutes. Nothing standout really - it just sounded like random 2010s synthy pop music. Had a bit of a cool Michael Jackson flavour, but diluted too much with that modern "lo fi" approach and never really came out of the gate. It wasn't unpleasant though, and she can sing well enough. Nothing groundbreaking, nothing shithouse. Makes me wonder (again) why I needed to hear it before I die, but that's pretty normal. 3/5.
Curtis Mayfield
2/5
This was really disappointing - the last Curtis Mayfield album was an easy 5/5, full of funky disco hits and was a blast to play. This was almost the opposite - it was slow and dreary. It felt like a chore to sit through, even at just 35min. It even had a cringey song about how great Jesus is on it. What a letdown. 2/5.
The Doors
3/5
This just wasn't overall that fantastic. The Doors are great when they're doing their "dark take on psychedelic" thing - see riders on the storm for the perfect example of that. But only a couple of songs on this had that vibe. The rest was this "attempting the delta blues" sorta thing that honestly didn't work. I can see what they were aiming for, but Morrison didn't really have the grit in his voice. Funnily enough, I guess it wasn't until Danzig that a white singer got that style right (that I've heard), and Danzig was obviously ripping Morrison off. Either way, the Doors should've stuck to the spooky Beatles angle. 3/5 for love her madly and riders on the storm.
Bob Marley & The Wailers
2/5
Ugh, reggae. It must be one of the most creatively dead genres out there. Every song sounds exactly the same. Not sure why this needed to be a "deluxe version" with two extra songs that also sound the same. 2/5.
Minutemen
3/5
I assume this is what happens when theatre kids get into black flag. 3/5 cause unexpected jackass theme tune.
The Crusaders
3/5
Funky jazzy kinda stuff, just over half an hour. First song was good, the rest average. No strong feelings either way. 3/5.
Pet Shop Boys
3/5
Pretty inoffensive dance pop. Singer has a real new wave voice, a bit whiny - wouldn't surprise me if they have new wave albums from 10 years earlier. Would've been a 4 because it was fun enough, but went too long. 3/5.
Silver Jews
2/5
Ok, some hipster cunt (I assume fairly safely) trying to be Bob Dylan. Problem is, the original Bob Dylan is fucking horrendous - why would anyone then want an imitation? This shit just makes me cringe. Stop pretending your lyrics are deep. Stop pretending your whiny hipster folk shit "poetry" has anything to do with country. And learn to hold a note ffs. You're an embarrassment. 2/5 - should be a 1 but it only pissed me off for half an hour.
Pulp
3/5
This was a strange album - it started out as kinda standard 90s UK pub rock, then around the second half it became this real Gen X 80s pop rock stuff, still pretty pub-bound I guess but was weird. I did mostly enjoy it though. 55min is too long, but hey. Still a solid 3/5.
Frank Zappa
3/5
I know of Zappa but I've never listened to an album before - I've heard a few songs of him with Steve Vai but that's it. Anyway... psychedelic jazz eh? It was surprisingly fun, at least for the first half. The first song was amazing. Sadly by about halfway it just seemed like extended freeform jams, and I lost interest. One song in particular went forever. Not bad overall, but I'd never listen to the entire thing again. But 3/5 for being a nice surprise at first.
Os Mutantes
2/5
Aaaaand it's time for a token foreign language album. Oh and It's also late 60s psychedelic garbage, because of course it is. 2/5.
Mekons
3/5
Yeah ok 80s pommy pub rock sorta stuff. Never heard it before yet it sounds like something I've heard a million times. Songwriting is kinda low effort. Nowhere near as energetic as the pogues, or as moody as the cure or smiths. Overall it's as generic as it gets, but it's not awful and it only goes for half an hour. 3/5.
Creedence Clearwater Revival
5/5
Join Fogerty is a genius. Every creedence album gets full points. This is just half an hour of non-stop hits. 5/5.
Cocteau Twins
2/5
I think this is what they call "dream pop" - vaguely shoegazey, a bit trite, all sounds the same. Even at 37 minutes I got bored. 2/5.
The Disposable Heroes Of Hiphoprisy
3/5
I wanted to give this a 5 for the first 30 seconds - the music is great, old mate's voice is pretty cool when he gets flowing - but the lyrics are beyond shithouse. It's just a collection of surface-level societal complaints that made me roll my eyes whenever they stuck out. TV bad, coca-cola bad, racism bad, healthcare system bad, mobile phones bad, society in general bad. I can take the "I'm 14 and this is deep" approach, I have no problem with it (see: RATM), but the delivery needs to fucking THUMP (see again: RATM). This guy's delivery fell short whenever the lyrics were at their cringiest - surely he felt silly saying half this shit. Bad combo.
That being said, once I managed to tune out of the words this was very, very listenable. It had those old school hip-hop beats, turntable shit, and the Chuck D impression really should make a reappearance someday soon. Today's rappers are all bland by comparison. 3/5.
Abdullah Ibrahim
3/5
This was nice enough jazz, nothing I'd ever listen to again and sounded really dated for 1986, but can't say anything bad about it. Didn't suck, didn't go for an hour and a half, etc. 3/5.
The Chemical Brothers
3/5
The key to scungy 90s UK techno is to remember it occupies a background space the same as movie scoring, just in a slightly different way: for me at 13 it was the soundtrack to ps1 snowboarding games, but if you were a few years older it went with taking ecstasy. But it's the complementary activity, not the primary - on its own you focus too much on how loud, repetitive, bland and overly long the music is.
So listening to this album at 6am on a friday morning while not on MDMA is out of context and unfair to the review process, but you know what else is unfair? this book spamming us with so many albums of what is essentially a niche genre for gen X druggos. 3/5.
The xx
2/5
This was the blandest thing I've listened to in a while. I couldn't even muster up the energy to totally hate it. What a lifeless, dull, boring piece of indie "rock". 2/5.
Simply Red
3/5
I know a few Simply Red songs, but only recognised one here (didn't catch the name) and I didn't even know it was Simply Red. Definitely wasn't a worldwide smash hit like STARS was in the early 90s - boy do I remember that!! Overall, I really don't have anything bad to say about this album. If you're a hipster you'll hate how well written, cleanly produced and nicely pulled off it is (did they not even know just what groundbreaking garbagey talentless noise dinosaur jnr were making at the same time?!), but if you're not a complete toss it'll just come across as well written, cleanly produced and nicely pulled off. Not my fav genre by any stretch but totally ok for 45min on a Sunday morning. 3/5.
U2
3/5
"durr Bono is the world's biggest shit durrr". Yeah ok edgelords, get it out of your systems.
U2 is overrated but this is probably their best album. The radio hits are genuinely good songs, esp. mysterious ways. The rest is decent enough, just a bit too long. If they'd trimmed about 15min off this I'd have given it a four. 3/5.
Korn
4/5
I was a metalhead at this point in the 90s and I kinda liked that Korn was heavy, but I also hated that theyv drowned out stuff like Metallica and Alice in Chains. These days it still has an oddly nostalgic sound to it - most of my friends were into nu-metal and Korn being one of the biggest bands I was exposed to it a lot. Plus a few tracks from this were huge radio hits. I listen to it every now and then. It's a bit long but I do have to give it a 4/5. Also, amazing production.
The Who
2/5
why oh fucking whyyyyyy must every second album be this pop bullshit from the late 60s? 2/5.
Suzanne Vega
3/5
Inoffensive pop-country stuff, totally acoustic. Folky but not overly Bob Dylan-ish, so it didn't make me want to open fire in a shopping centre. So it's got that going for it. 3/5.
Van Halen
5/5
Sadly I was too young, but fuck it would've been great to be around when Van Halen was THE soundtrack to fingering girls in the park. 5/5.
Elvis Costello & The Attractions
2/5
What's this, the 5th Elvis Costello album now? More stupid-sounding rockabilly new wave pub jams, just like I didn't want. What a shame I already used the David Lee Roth quote to shit on Costello for an earlier album. 2/5.
The Stone Roses
2/5
I didn't hate this as much as I expected to. But it is undeniably, very much, a late 80s non-Seattle alternative album. Every song was the same and it went forever, fuck. 2/5.
Radiohead
2/5
Radiohead is some seriously limp-dicked wuss rock hey. 2/5.
Happy Mondays
2/5
Oddly exciting name for an album that's just tame britpop-type stuff. Nothing awful but absolutely nothing standout either. I'll have forgotten everything about this by mid morning. Early afternoon update: yep, long since all forgotten. 2/5.
Pixies
2/5
This has all the annoying trappings of non-Seattle alternative: it rips off a random Stooges song (I hate the Stooges), adds fuzzy guitars (probably telecaster/vox combos ew), simple marching beat-style drums (awful snare sound btw), the most toothless singing possible (even the screaming is wimpy) and coats it all in shitty DIY garage band stylings. Plus the singer looks like that fat hairless creep from Little Britain. Overall it just gives off loser vibes - like the soundtrack to being bullied in high school or something. 2/5.
Hanoi Rocks
2/5
Only thing I know about this band is that their drummer was the guy Vince Neil killed. This is mostly glammed up new wave - I was expecting hair metal, which would have been preferable. Amateur hour. 2.5/5.
Nine Inch Nails
3/5
I know I've intentionally listened to this album in full before, and I know a few of the tracks already, but NIN has never clicked with me. They occupy the same kinda space as Marilyn Manson does for me: I like a whole bunch of their contemporaries, influences and bands that they influenced, but NIN themselves? nah.
That being said, this isn't really a bad album. Nice little period piece of mid-90s alternative. When it does actual music it can be pretty catchy. But it also spends a lot of time being an industrial synthesiser demo, more of an exercising in running the full gamut of available effects in the space of 4min than writing a song.
Overall it just goes on too long. If it was half the length it'd probably get a 4 for originality and longevity. It's also pretty impressive that people still care this much about 90s nonsense in 2022 (does anyone other than me remember Type O Negative? Fittingly, I think NIN lifted a Type O melody for the end of Closer). It's about 50% good songs, so 3/5.
Kendrick Lamar
2/5
People talk about this guy like he's the second coming but all I just heard was an hour and 20min of hipster dog shit. 2/5.
PJ Harvey
2/5
Eh this has a few moments but it's pretty inaccessible, mostly just one giant angry Gen X chick trope. Goes a bit over the top with dynamics and weird for the sake of being weird moments. Couldn't really enjoy it for more than a few seconds at a time before it threw a wall of noise at me. It's annoying - when it rocked it actually really started to rock, only to rip me out of the groove and piss me off with silliness. 2/5.
Jane Weaver
3/5
I couldn't tell if this was synth-indie pop or synth-pop indie.
Some tunes were basically 4 minute intros. I was expecting it to keep building but then it'd just hit cruising altitude and end. Tbf, those would make great modern prog rock tunes if explored.
Other parts just feel immature. Jane Weaver apparently made this at age 45, but this kind of music is the realm of uni students. I'm ok with making this judgement.
Overall: not awful by any stretch, but did honestly feel like a bit of a waste of time. 3/5.
The United States Of America
2/5
Psychedelic rock from the late 60s, what a surprise. This shit is such a chore to listen to. 2/5.
The Everly Brothers
3/5
Growing up in the 90s this stuff seemed ridiculously dated even then (weird that music hasn't comparatively changed anywhere near as much since), so it does sound ancient and kinda silly in that "She's my girl and we're going steady" way. I can't imagine that the world this album sells me ever really existed.
That being said, I don't buy the "ugh this sounds so white" nonsense in so many reviews here. Do you dinguses also complain that Curtis Mayfield albums sound "ugh so black"? Course ya fuckin don't. You wouldn't dare. Get your heads out of your arses.
Anyway, this really wasn't my thing but it was undeniably catchy. Those vocal harmonies were a bit sickly sweet but impeccably done and at 27min or whatever it's the perfect length for an album I've never heard before. 3/5.
2/5
Ahhh, the late 60s punish continues. 2/5.
Johnny Cash
5/5
I knew this would be somewhere in the list. Not as absolutely 200% fucking classic as Folsom Prison, but compared to so many albums on here this still deserves full marks and then some. 5/5.
Tim Buckley
1/5
Fuck off, you small dick energy little cunt. Didn't even have the decency to die before breeding. 1/5.
Everything But The Girl
2/5
This was just boring. Nothing more than muzak. 2/5.
Dire Straits
5/5
The title track alone earns this entire album full marks, but then there's also a bunch of other fuckin bangers on it too. Only criticisms: Why Worry and Ride Across the River aren't really top-shelf material. But this is totally offset by that FUCKING TITLE TRACK OMG. 5/5.
The Verve
2/5
I (like everyone else) remember bittersweet symphony, it was everywhere in the 90s. The Drugs Don't Work was also in the charts in Australia, although I'd forgotten that (and didn't even know who sang it) until it just played. I'd thought it was some alterna-wuss Aussie band like Powderfinger or The Whitlams. And those songs are *just ok*; the rest of the album really isn't very good. It just plods along while you wonder if it'll ever end. I really like Oasis, but even though this sounds kinda similar it really didn't do anything for me. It was like decaf coffee or non-alcoholic beer: it almost tastes the same but without the kick, why would you bother? I'd rather have a glass of water. But whatever - if this album was half an hour (and not SEVENTY-FIVE MINUTES) I'd have probably given it a 3. But it had no business being boring for that long, so it gets a 2/5.
Jimmy Smith
5/5
I never thought I'd give a jazz album five stars. But all of a sudden I have a really pressing need to work out the guitar parts. I ended up playing this twice. That says a fair bit haha. 5/5.
MC Solaar
3/5
This was a bit of fun. Only understood a few words here and there but that's ok. A bit long at almost an hour, a bit samey as well, but not an unpleasant listen. 3/5.
Miles Davis
2/5
This was just 40 minutes of kinda nothing? I have to give it at least 2 because it wasn't outright bad and I could hear there was talent behind it... but 40min of what sounded like an improv jazz interlude was a bit much. 2/5.
Sonic Youth
2/5
This has a few moments where it doesn't suck. "Kool Thing" was actually halfway cool, funnily enough. And overall I'll have to admit it's at least more accessible than other shit I've heard from this band. But it also is well and truly still 100% in that space where they try to pass themselves off as punk, when really it's just noisy Gen X loser rock. Jangly fuzz guitars, strange/pointless song structures, the guy sings like a wuss and the chick can't sing at all. Or maybe she's just really punk, ha ha. 2/5.
Bon Jovi
5/5
One of my absolute favourite things in the world is how much hipsters loathe 80s Bon Jovi. Here's an analysis:
Musically, this album is basically just hair metal/arena rock. Big ole guitars and drums, riffs and hooks, gang vocals in choruses, crisp production, etc. REVERB. Songs mostly follow convention, chord progressions are nice and predictable, even the track list does that thing where every few songs there's something that passes for a ballad.
Image-wise, it looks like hair metal again, or maybe a bit like new wave/80s pop a la Duran Duran. Lots of shoulder pads, hairspray and FLAIR. There's a solid chance that they had style consultants PAID BY THE BIG BUSINESS RECORD LABEL!!!11!
Lyrically it occupies the same kinda space as stuff like Bruce Springsteen: sentimental numbers about idyllic Middle America, songs about brotherhood and sticking up for your mates, then love songs about rooting chicks in the back of cars and having no money but that's ok because WE'RE GONNA LIVE ON LOVE ALONE BABY, etc etc. Cheeeeeeeese.
So the hair metal sound, the "corporate 80s rock" outfits and the Americana themes just all add up to something that becomes hipster kryptonite. I guess they hate the perceived inauthenticity of it all? Maybe they hate that it's a good bit of fun? Or maybe simply because it's such a "white dude thing" and that's an easy target for hipsters. Either way, fucking lol.
As for my thoughts: I was only 2 when this album came out, but I had a phase in the early 00s where I was totally into Bon Jovi and a bunch of other 80s hair metal bands. It really is a lot of fun. It's great for driving up the highway to, slammin' beers in the sun to, butchering at karaoke night... it's just genuinely fucking cool. And hat off to Richie Sambora, he's the real star of the show here. Desmond Child as well I guess lol.
If I was rating this in comparison to the BJ catalogue (or even hair metal in general) I'd probably only give it a 3 or 4, but as an entry in this book and having just read what I KNEW would be the usual oblivious moaning about how fake and cliche it is in other reviews, I'm giving it full marks. 5/5.
Derek & The Dominos
3/5
Look yeah this album isn't exactly the peak of excitement, it goes too long tbh. But if you give it a 1 or 2 because of whatever Eric Clapton said in 2020, you're the problem in the world today. Not him. 3/5.
Ozomatli
3/5
Only the first 2 songs were on Spotify AU, had to look the rest up on YouTube. Managed to find most of it but a few were live tracks and other people covering the songs etc.
This.... was p cool. Albums like this are the reason I signed up for this project - trying to hear new things, not just 6000 Beatles albums that have already been played to death. But this was fresh, a real mix of styles done well. It had all the standard parts of a big funk band but with a bit more here and there - occasional rapping, flamenco, middle eastern sounding melodies, I heard a rock guitar solo at one point, etc. I really liked the funky and experimental stuff, not so much the rap. 3/5.
Fever Ray
2/5
Whenever I get an album like this I struggle to give the artist the benefit of the doubt, and just label it "weird for the sake of being weird". It's pretentious and Björk-y, minimalist and one-dimensional. Pitchfork-reading Gen Xer fodder, basically. On the plus side, it's not awful - it has recognisable melodies and catchiness etc. It's a unique enough sound (Björk comparison aside) that it deserves a listen, even if to just find out you don't like it. The big problem I have with it is that it's too long. When every song is exactly the same you shouldn't make your album an hour long. This would've be an easy 3 at half the length. 2/5.
Drive Like Jehu
3/5
Post-hardcore is a real borderline genre for me. Most of my fav music is heavy and I listen a fair chunk of *traditional* hardcore, but this tends toward non-Seattle alternative sounds too much for my liking. It gets up and going, there are cool riffs and passages... but only for brief flashes. On the other hand, it descends into downright noise allllll the time. The singing is pretty cool and I can hear the potential, but it feels like an idea that wasn't fully fleshed out (I know such a later comparison isn't really fair, but see Clowns for this vocal style perfected). Drummer is well and truly on top of the game though, nothing virtuosic but he holds the entire thing together imo.
I guess my biggest criticism is the song structure itself: it feels like the average song is 5% intro, 25% guts, then 70% long-winded dissonant outro. This formula gets old at 53min. Still, I tapped my foot enough that it gets a pretty easy 3. If it was half an hour it'd probably be a 4 tbh. 3/5.
Neil Young
2/5
This wasn't on Spotify but I've heard most of it before and it's crap. Neil thinks he's making a big statement taking his stuff off Spotify when he made his millions before it existed anyway. Then he tells small artists that it's bad for them in that condescending "listen to your elders" way, but really he has no clue what he's on about because he's had record companies and minders looking after his music for decades anyway. Typical fair weather hippie piece of shit antics. 2/5.
The Jesus And Mary Chain
2/5
Gen X goes to the mall. 2/5.
Soft Cell
3/5
Never heard these guys before but I can hear this album just looking at the cover.
And yep that is EXACTLY what it both looks and sounds like. It has a surprising amount of energy and enthusiasm for new wave. I just found out who does tainted love. And hahahaha there's a song called sex dwarf. 3/5 for just being so unashamedly annoying.
Solomon Burke
2/5
This is a covers album that just meanders around for half an hour. He doesn't have a standout voice, and these are all other people's songs. This has no appeal or relevance in 2022. Surely even in the mid-60s it was outdated by a good 10 years. 2/5.
Sleater-Kinney
1/5
I know this band is that type of Gen X alt rock that I don't like, but I've never heard them before so I'll give this a chance. Maybe it WON'T be annoying.
Wait never mind, it is and it's crap. stop ULULATING ffs. Oh Christ, it's even worse than I thought. The wailing just cuts through everything and never relents. This is a fucking 1/5.
Astrud Gilberto
3/5
I feel I didn't get the full experience, as I wasn't in a business hotel lobby while I listened. It's very hard to feel strongly about this in any way. It's a 2 but with an extra point for only being 27min long. 3/5.
Black Sabbath
4/5
Vol 4 is one of those albums that just quietly rules. It doesn't have any of their hits but it's just so solid all the way through. Ok, maybe changes is a bit how-ya-goin'. But whatever. 4/5.
Elliott Smith
2/5
Elliott is a creepy name. It's a name for guys who don't cut their toenails, or those self-proclaimed "nerds" who watch lots of anime but aren't literate enough to read fantasy novels. But I promise to give this a chance, even though my spidey sense tells me this is gonna be "influenced by Bob Dylan".
Ok, it is. And it's Beatles-y as well, just to make me squirm even more. An hour of this whiny garbage almost made me want to kill myself - funnily enough, that's just what Elliott did! ha ha! 2/5.
The Young Rascals
2/5
First thought on seeing the cover: this can't be good. I mean it's actually called just "Groovin". We'll start at 0/5.
First thought on hearing the music: not as psychedelic as expected. Just annoying in that 60s pop way. I guess I'll have to settle for 1/5.
Final thoughts: thank fuck that was only half an hour. It was every wimpy genre available in the mid 60s, covered in extra wimpiness. 2/5 because 1 seems too nasty a score for it.
The Clash
3/5
Bog early punk. Ooooohhh you're bored of the USA, you edgelord? ha ha. This isn't bad, but it also isn't really any good. It's just early punk I guess. 3/5.
Deep Purple
3/5
It seems a bit redundant to have a live album on here as well as the studio albums the tracks come from. It's then also a bit of a stretch to expect us to sit through the extended jam/solo versions of these songs. It's also a real punish when there are two versions of speed king and THREE versions of black knight on it (all 7min+), pushing the album to over 2 hours. wtf.
Gripes aside, this is still preferable to most of the other 616 albums I've heard so far. The rockin' parts really do rock, Gillan can scream like a banshee, the guitar/keyboard playalongs are at least fun at first. My criticisms are all "it didn't need to-s": it didn't need to be any longer than an hour, it didn't need a 5min drum solo, it didn't need extended jams... but it wasn't "this fucking sucked". So it still gets an easy 3/5.
The Allman Brothers Band
4/5
I don't think I've ever listened to these guys before, definitely know the name though.
Pretty cruisy blues, nothing mind-blowing but pretty easy to listen to for an hour. Tapped my foot most of the time. Would listen again happily, at least to a few tracks here and there. Overall probably too long; I got the idea well and truly before the 1hr20m mark. If it was under an hour it could've been full marks. 4/5.
Prefab Sprout
3/5
Jesus, that is one British album cover.
Aaaaaaand it's a mix of new wave and pub rock/pop - exactly as expected. Fairly listenable in an inoffensive way, but I lost interest towards the end. 3/5.
Astor Piazzolla
3/5
A bit of a hard one to judge. I don't listen to tango music very often... or at all I guess. It has a movie scoring vibe to it, which I guess is kinda fitting as it just played in the background. I thought tango was about dancing? This would be hard to keep time to, surely. Was hard to discern a beat a lot of the time. 3/5 for at least being something new to me.
Isaac Hayes
3/5
Ok this was a cool little disco romp. Never seen the movie. 3/5.
Steve Winwood
4/5
Seems like slightly proggy late 70s pop. Bit of a Phil Collins vibe. Very inoffensive, but not too sickly sweet. Lots of talent, good songwriting and tasteful players. Also, 39min is the perfect runtime for an album I've never heard before. 4/5.
Super Furry Animals
2/5
This sounds like a conscious effort to make "90s music". Feels like manufactured Gen X slacker vibes, nods to various alternative-ish sounds of the time, and then drenched in Beatles-isms. Not for me. 2/5.
AC/DC
5/5
Let me put my 5/5 into you babe
Circle Jerks
4/5
Nice early HC, loud and brash but full of actual melody, with a pretty damn good drummer. And at 15min it knows exactly what it is. 4/5.
Lana Del Rey
2/5
I know of Lana Del Rey but never heard any of her songs before. I thought she was pop but the cover is strange. Is this gonna be irony?
Ok it's a really soft affair. Seems the main instruments are acoustic guitars, light synth/strings and voice. Wiki lists it as folk and country, but the kazillion-dollar production kinda marks it as something else. Not usual pop though. I guess it sounds like Lorde? Or Taylor Swift now that she's conveniently reinvented herself as a folky hipster? Lots of vocal harmony layers, she can definitely sing but never goes to town - it's very subdued, like Kate Bush without the shrieking. The lyrics seemed a bit dumb when I could hear them: in the first song she mostly mumbles then the words "business trip" really stick out, haha. According to wiki she's built a whole persona around Americana etc, but I couldn't really hear any of that apart from key phrases every now and then, like "making out in a parking lot" would stand out but because the rest is unintelligible there's no real context to it.
Overall this was a bit boring and I can't imagine in 10 years' time it'd make the same list again. The author of this book has no real insight when it comes to modern albums from what I've seen - anything after about 2005 is just a lucky dip, as if he closed his eyes and threw a dart at the Billboard Top 100 for the year. 2/5.
Ella Fitzgerald
2/5
These "black singer doing other people's songs" albums from the 50s and 60s were alright at first but they're just wearing thin now. Plus, I'm getting musical vibes from this, and musicals are the lowest form of entertainment. 2/5.
Norah Jones
1/5
I had a full review drawn up already where I rhetorically asked how this deathly boring muzak garbage somehow made its way out of the hotel lobby circuit and into the public's living rooms, but Wikipedia answered the question: she's Ravi Shankar's daughter, just doesn't use his name. Turns out she even has a few artist siblings who used his surname and didn't make it. Very clever - until 10min ago I'd always thought her success was inexplicably organic. Oh, and the album is 90% covers. 1/5.
Joni Mitchell
1/5
I couldn't listen to this because she's one of those old hippie boomers that left Spotify when Neil Young did, but that's ok because I hate her anyway. 1/5.
Suicide
1/5
hahaha ok this was terrible. Most of it sounded like a CD skipping while someone mumbled over the top.... until he started yelling over the top instead. 1/5.
The Police
3/5
I was expecting the worst here, but their annoying hits were mostly absent. It was actually fairly cool. Guess I'll have to endure the album with Roxanne on it some other time. 3/5.
Scott Walker
4/5
ugh, 1968 again.
Ok no, this was different and fun. The first song was incredible haha. It didn't quite reach that peak again, but I wasn't bored for even one second. Wild lyrics, fucking cool voice. I don't even care that most of it was covers. This just has to get a 4/5 - would have been full five if it was all originals.
Adele
1/5
Does anyone buy it when these low-end department store background music singers get writing credits? Every song on this album was written by a different person/writing team - there's no way Adele's involvement extended beyond changing a few vocal lines once she was already in the studio.
I'm also gonna put on my hipster hat and say it: this is horrendously factory-produced pop drivel. The songs feel like they came from a textbook, they're full of manufactured emotion and presented as an immense personal journey for Adele. Which begs the question: was said journey just as immense for the other 50 people who wrote this shit? 1/5.
Happy Mondays
2/5
And it's UK pub rock. What a surprise. Singer's voice has that annoying working-class English drunk quality to it. According to wiki they were high as kites so close enough I guess. Musically it isn't really truly bad, just dated, boring and its target demographic is far away from coastal Australia. But it's avoided rock bottom because a couple of these tunes could've had potential with an actual singer. 2/5.
The Cure
4/5
This is the third cure album here (I think?) and none of them disappoint. It does exactly what you'd expect. Like the sisters of mercy if they were bullied at school. Only gripes are that the production is thin, and it's over an hour. Still, 4/5.
Liz Phair
3/5
This might be the most 90s alternative thing I've ever heard. A bit too long, didn't go anywhere and she can't really sing, BUT there is a bit of nipple on the cover. 3/5.
The Undertones
2/5
Ah, more UK punk/new wave crap, this time with a Jello Biafra impression as well. Whatever. Boring amateur shit. 2/5.
3/5
Ahhh yeah I've never cared about PJ Harvey beyond one point in the early 00s where I pretended to because I was trying to root a girl who liked her. I can't remember anything about it though, was a pretty half-arsed effort. This is bog alt rock, could be better, could also be a whole lot worse. 3/5.
Maxwell
3/5
This was pretty smooth. No hard edges, all.... smooth. But I did fall asleep. In a nice way, but I still fell asleep. 3/5.
Charles Mingus
3/5
I want to give this 5 points just for the name MINGUS. But it's experimental jazz, so 3/5.
Bruce Springsteen
4/5
The BOSS has an amazing ability to do emotion. I've never been to America so I can't say it "feels like Nebraska" but it definitely DOES feel like a heap of well-written, really miserable shit. Plus, another album of his I've never heard before but feels instantly familiar. 4/5.
Van Halen
5/5
My pussy moistened as soon as that first bassline started, and was fully wet by the time DLR began screaming. I squirted in sync with the last ringing note of eruption and had a shaking orgasm as the innuendo in ice cream man hit home. I'm a straight guy. 5/5.
Taylor Swift
2/5
I know Taylor Swift supposedly reinvented herself in lockdown, and I actually gave the other one (folklore) a listen (meh) - in the end despite its new shiny folk/indie jacket, it still just sounds like modern pop music with those chamber vocal motifs and whiny songwriting/lyrics. 30min would have made it a 3, but at an hour that's a 2/5.
The Last Shadow Puppets
3/5
Theatrical indie rock stylings. I see the name Alex Turner so makes sense. The UK bias on this list is p bad. In any case, this album was inoffensive. I guess it's a fitting title. 3/5.
Destiny's Child
3/5
This was everywhere when it came out, I guess it was the beginning of the Cult of Beyonce. But it's just rnb pop music. It's not bad, not really that good either. Goes too long. 3/5.
Soul II Soul
3/5
This sounds like one of those nameless demo CDs you got in the 90s when you bought a Sound Blaster ('member when PCs didn't come factory with a sound card?). It's good enough, but in a bad way. 3/5.
Underworld
2/5
1996, name and album cover, I'm going SCUNGY UK TECHNO. and boooooooom nailed it. Oh and it goes for over an hour, because of course. 2/5.
Jorge Ben Jor
4/5
It's fun when this list gives me albums from genres I haven't heard much before, artists I'm unaware of, from countries I don't normally think of as a source of music (sepultura obsession aside here lol). This doesn't strike me as a best-of-all-time sort of album. But give me this sort of fun romp over yet more UK rock/pop any day at this point. 4/5.
James Brown
4/5
Ahhh, everyone likes James Brown. 4/5.
The Zombies
2/5
More late 60s garbage. 2/5.
Linkin Park
2/5
I was 16 when this album came out and I wasn’t the biggest fan of nu-metal to start with. I was into stuff like Pantera, Sepultura, Faith no More, Alice in Chains, NOFX etc – 90s heavy/alternative but not nu-metal – but I also had an appreciation for bands like Korn, Limp Bizkit and Slipknot. I’d been into metal since about 91 so I had the feel of the genre: Korn basically invented the shit, Limp Bizkit popularised it, and Slipknot made it so fucking unpalatable to your parents that you just had to applaud them. Lots of previously "pure"-metal bands were trying to get in on it. But Korn etc all had one thing in common: their songs were organic, there was a legit “what we’re doing isn’t grunge, it’s not standard metal, but we still want a place” attitude. It never felt (at the time) like they were music school kids, writing from a how-to guide, or anything like that. It was popular in the mainstream, but it seemed it'd stuck its head in by force of sheer popularity, and had kinda beaten the odds in that sense. This was still like 98-99 so it was only a year or two into nu-metal’s mainstream run. Those bands (Korn, Slipknot, Limp Bizkit, Deftones etc) really worked for their recognition.
Linkin Park’s first album was different. Even as a teenager I picked up on it. When that first “I’m about to break!” song came out I knew it was some kinda changing of the guard moment. It wasn’t nu-metal; it was radio rock pretending to be nu-metal. I remember in 2000 asking my mum to buy me In Flames’ Colony album, and she said “you sure you don’t want maybe Linkin Park instead?”. And that was because Linkin Park had worked out the market: create family-friendly rock with an angsty facade that parents didn’t find threatening. It ticked their boxes and (hopefully) also yours. It was loud, but also commercial as shit, with songs that could've been ANY genre if you'd tweaked them a bit. Most of Hybrid Theory would've made a great Shania Twain record. Not that there’s anything wrong with that (my Slippery When Wet review hopefully explains that) but it was also dishonestly subversive. It pretended to be something it wasn’t. And it’s telling that Linkin Park became the biggest band out of the whole movement, and that radio rock has never really (as of 2022) moved much past their blueprint. Nu-metal is long gone but Linkin Park's style isn't. Sure we’ve dialled back the rap-rock these days, but the core of their song structures, choruses and vague angst remain. That whole “nothin’ but rock” radio movement has been boring and stale ever since. And I blame Linkin Park.
Is that a legacy? Probably. But I’m giving it 2/5.
Gang Of Four
2/5
Oh god it's more late 70s UK punk. At 600+ albums, this project ruins my morning almost every day. It's never anything good. Sometimes I wonder if the author's central goal here was to try and prove that the UK was just as cool as the US. But I'm not from either so I can judge fairly: UK music pisses me off 99% of the time, US only mildly annoys me. US wins. 2/5.
Ali Farka Touré
3/5
Ok this is pretty cool, it's got a dirty blues sound to it but also an African/Arabic flavour. Wouldn't listen again but I also feel like the project did what it was meant to do with this album. 3/5.
William Orbit
3/5
A lot of this was just ambient stuff. Otherwise it was electronica. Descended into SCUNGY UK TECHNO at times, because of fucking course it does. No real feelings either way. 3/5.
David Bowie
4/5
Bowie is just surprisingly good. I was expecting an album of his from 2013 to sound like washed up old man shit, but this... this kinda rocks. It has a distinct sisters of mercy type thing going on vocally in a lot of places, which I'm sure is coincidence but still floats my boat. This would have been full marks if he'd trimmed it by 15min or so. 4/5.
Garbage
1/5
I remember when this came out and it felt fake from the get-go. I was 11 at the time so I couldn’t articulate it back then, but looking back now (and having just read Wikipedia) I know: it was pop music pretending to be alternative, complete with an imitation Courtney Love shoe-horned in at the last minute. But just like Linkin Park a few years later, the approach worked – Garbage sold millions and millions of albums.
But 27 years later, none of it holds up. By the metrics we look back on the 90s that this could be measured against - pop, grunge and britpop - it comes across as fucking BLAND, overly long and full of manufactured Gen X cynicism. Basically no redeeming features or staying power. 1/5.
808 State
2/5
This felt little a demo reel (no surprise given the name) and made 40min seem like 2 hours. Fuck off. 2/5.
The Black Crowes
3/5
These guys are kinda up my alley but I've never given them much of a chance... this is pretty cool. Every song sounds the same, but it's a nice song so 3/5.
The Rolling Stones
3/5
This was cooler than expected but it's still just early 70s rock. I'll probably never really understand why these guys are so popular. Still, guess it's better than the Beatles. 3/5.
Wilco
2/5
This isn't truly bad, but its only real definable trait is that it's bland. Meandering indie rock is already boring by definition, but this really drives the point home. 2/5.
Ryan Adams
2/5
Semi-talentless Springsteen impression that goes for FAR too long. He clearly WANTED to be doing a "poignant stories of middle America"-type thing, but much as he can clearly play and sing and whatnot he just isn't that INTERESTING. Was he the winner of a TV singing show? Or is he the son of a record producer or something? This has the feel of something that a record company would never have given the green light, let alone such an expensive production job, without an executive giving some kind of override order. And then, after boring me for over an hour with middling soft rock, there was some laughable "end of a rock opera" bookend tune. Boooooooring. 2/5.
R.E.M.
4/5
REM had a real winning streak in the late 80s/early 90s. This isn't as good as the album before it, but it's still an easy 4/5.
Crosby, Stills & Nash
1/5
Ugh what a load of shit. Spare me the late 60s folky garbage. 1/5.
Jimi Hendrix
4/5
Normally when a musician dies this early (and I cringe at the concept of the "27 club"), once you get past the unbearable fanboys you generally just have something that's pretty good, but not the ALL TIME GREAT the supernerdfans pretend it is. The cults of Kurt Cobain, John Lennon and Jeff Buckley are probably the best examples of this. On the other hand, Hendrix and Zeppelin (not that Zep all died, but they did break up bc of a death) do really have something to them that's more than just idiotic nostalgia and entry-level fanboy hype. This isn't Hendrix's best (I prefer Are You Experienced) but it's still a testament to its catchy licks that despite going for 75 fucking minutes and descending into jam sessions more than I'd like, it's still getting a 4/5.
Alice Cooper
4/5
Not my favourite AC album, but probably my favourite from when it was an actual band and not just Alice with hired guns. Everyone knows the title song but it's kind of an outlier - the rest still rocks but has more of a psychedelia influence, kinda similar to early Sabbath. These first days of heavy metal (if you'd call it that at this point) hadn't completely shaken off the 60s influence, so there are a few Beatles-isms around. But they aren't jarring or anything. And at half an hour this is a great album length. 4/5.
Jane's Addiction
3/5
Day 666 and I'm very, VERY disappointed not to get Number of the Beast. I know it can be done - like how we all got the Phil Spector album on Christmas day - so it should in future FYI everyone.
Or maybe this is #666 because Perry Farrell is going to junkie hell?
Anyway, Jane's Addiction is good even on a bad day, but imo Nothing's Shocking is much better. I'm not sure why I gave that one a 3 - I remember loving the vocals in particular. Maybe it was because I was still less than 300 albums in and didn't feel the weight of so much SHIT on my shoulders at the time. Ah well, this one gets a 3 and if I could I'd bump Nothing's Shocking up to a 4. The playing here is really good, kinda like a mix of that emerging alt-metal sound and psychedelic bits. Vocals aren't as good as last time, not as much intensity. But I'd still happily listen to it again. 3/5.
Kanye West
2/5
Kanye West is one of the most overhyped artists of the last 20 years. All the media celebrity paparazzi shit aside, he's just another average post-cool era (mid 80s-96 or so) rapper whose albums have that "rap goes stadium rock" feel and run too long, but for some reason we're throwing his name around like he deserves a place in rock history next to Jimmy Page and Robert Plant. "This is the NEW VIRTUOSITY, does that scare you?" hahaha no, but pls your ideology is showing.
Anyway, Kanye's flow constantly falls short (like a lazy feel?), and it becomes really grating. The bits where he tried to actually sing were laughably bad. There were too many slower introspective numbers about whatever is keeping him down blah blah blah. The upbeat songs were mostly the same but with an angry bent. There's fuck all substance here - it tries so sell itself as "smart but from the streets" but nahhhh, it just sounds like high school poetry slam crap.
On the plus side, the production is really good. If this was half the length and pretty much only All of the Lights, Monster and a couple of other upbeat songs I could give it a 3, but as it is it's going in the bin. 2/5.
MGMT
3/5
MGMT was the first time that I noticed hipsters and chads morphing into each other. I can't tell where it stops talking about its feelings and starts fingering girls in the park. Part of it wants to tell you about its favourite hole-in-the-wall coffee shop in Tel Aviv; the other part wants to on rugby trips and piss in its mates' mouths while they sleep on the bus. Either way, if this album was a bloke it would DEFINITELY sleaze onto your missus if you went out of town for the weekend. 3/5.
Morrissey
4/5
So I'm 600 albums in and this will be the SIXTH time this morose cunt has appeared in the list: 3 Smiths albums and now 3 solo albums as well. SO FAR. Are you telling me that Morrissey is basically 1 out of every 100 musicians in the world? Fuck off Robert Dimery, you UK-centric piece of shit. No one wanted a soft advert for the UK music scene. If I'd known this is what it'd be when I signed up, I don't think I'd have done it.
But in any case, this is a nice soft rock/pop album. In a more sensible world, this would have been the only Morrissey solo album included. It's really cruisy, story-like, the scungy UK council flat vibe isn't too full on and his vocal delivery is kinda perfect here. I even listened twice and I think I'll save it for future listens too. 4/5.
Also, because I must have gotten out of the wrong side of bed this morning: everyone who goes "wahh Morrissey is such a bad guy, -10 points for all his albums", shut your holes. You're pathetic.
The Mamas & The Papas
2/5
Robert Dimery really needs some kind of award for fitting 10,000 albums from the mid-late 60s into a 1,001 albums list. Fuck's sake.
Ok, I like the idea of these vocal harmonies, but the hippie folk pop context is just fucking blaaaand. No wonder it seemingly disappeared overnight at some point a few years after this - everyone was just as sick of it in 1970 as I am doing this challenge in 2022. Also: a 34 minute album with 4 covers on it. BIN. 2/5.
3/5
Hey what do you know, more from the UK. Thanks, Robert Dimery! Without you letting me know which UK artist I should listen to every day for 1001 days, I would've never even known the place existed! I'm glad someone's standing up for this unheard-of lil cultural gem called the "United Kingdom". Truly, you're doing god's work here mate.
This isn't too bad though, just reasonably catchy pop numbers that are inoffensive, ultimately COMPLETELY forgettable, but it's nothing bad. I recognised a couple of them. As another reviewer said, "we have Duran Duran at home". hahaha. 3/5.
Parliament
3/5
I like a bit of funk but this never kicked into gear. It starts out with a clunky number that sets the tone all wrong, then even though a few of the other tunes really hold up there are heaps of spots where it kinda drops the ball. I do like the ridiculous album cover though, and the catchy bits are still catchy. 3/5.
Crowded House
4/5
Like most Aussies my age, I pretty much grew up on Crowded House so it's hard to remember a time when I didn't like it. Everyone's parents had their albums and I've heard their singles every day on the radio for 30-something years now. Just a great band. Saving a 5/5 on these guys for the self-titled (if it's here) but this album still gets an easy 4/5.
Muddy Waters
3/5
Heard of this guy before but never listened. Pretty good delta blues, and I got a chuckle out of some of the song names/lyrics. Seemed like a fun jam session for the members. It's hard (no pun lol!) to give it a higher score though, as it really is just 45min of "teach yourself the blues" templates. Doesn't stray from the script at all, which is good for a few songs... but 7min numbers? Come on man. 3/5.
Cee Lo Green
1/5
You're fucking kidding. It's like a cross between annoying 00s rap and a sarcastic joke. 1/5.
Songhoy Blues
4/5
My review, a breakdown:
- music is really cool, unconventional blues-type stuff: 1 point
- making it into the 1001 list despite not being from the UK: 1 point
- best album I've ever heard from Mali: 1 point
- cover looks like a gay porno: 1 point
4/5.
Massive Attack
1/5
Well go figure, it's UK garbage again. I never liked this band. Boring, meandering, overly long, cruddy electronica. Come-down music for pinger-loving dickheads. Their songs used to be all over late night rage in the mid 90s, taking up valuable space that Pantera and Rollins Band needed; I hated it then, and it hasn't improved with age. A real struggle to get through. 1/5.
FKA twigs
1/5
Every 2nd or 3rd song this almost broke out into actual music, but most of the time this sounded like floorboards creaking while someone whimpered in the background. Fuck off, honestly. And stop trying to feed me shit from the UK every day. 1/5.
Ash
2/5
Yet more bland UK alt-rock, sounds exactly like the most generic parts of every 90s music scene rolled into one - and I LIKE the 90s, so this really doesn't have much going for it. Unremarkable in every way. Thankyou Robert Dimery, your dedication to subjecting anyone who buys this book to countless shitty UK bands is commendable. 2/5.
Joy Division
2/5
From the UK, what a surprise. I mean I expected this to be here somewhere but fuuuuck.
Album cover is great, one of those really iconic artworks. Music is bog new wave as you'd expect from the UK in the late 70s. Having heard a few songs from this before I expected the whole thing to be a bit more ... musical. Lots of kinda proto-goth crap going on here. 2/5.
Dr. John
2/5
Apparently this psychedlic bullshit never charted when it came out, but I bet it had wicked underground cred. The voodoo thing is pretty silly/camp in retrospect, given even disney popstars hold satanic rituals and fuck the upholstery in their music videos in 2022, but if you were a 16-year-old girl in 1968, running away from home to go shoot heroin with your late-20s boyfriend in his shitty van/squat, this would have been THE soundtrack. 2/5.
Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds
2/5
Nick Cave is overrated. Some of his earlier stuff has a fun wild feel to it, but this album is just dreary. I've heard it before - Gen X loves Nick Cave and heaps of my mates were born in the 70s - and 50min of the Leonard Cohen impression is just too much. Into my Arms and People ain't no Good are bearable enough as singles, but the full album is a struggle. Ultimately, I think the only reason Nick Cave albums make lists like this is because he's a Pitchfork darling and music critics want to be seen as liking him. It's cool and offbeat and cultured to say you're a Nick Cave fan. But bugger that, this shit is boring. Give me big dumb arena rock any day.
Also, Aussies that abscond to the UK for their entire careers/lives can take a long walk off a short pier. Take the Minogue sisters and the ugly bloke who was in Bad Boy Bubby, and stay off our radar. At least fucken Barnesy just lives somewhere in the Adelaide hills, content to actually be a humble rockstar while "depressed introvert" Cave rubs shoulders with celebrities in London. 2/5.
The Beau Brummels
2/5
1967, here we fucking go again lol.
Ok, to be fair this was *almost* on the bearable side of the whole late 60s folk rock psychedelia bullshit. But the guy's voice was really, really grating. This gets a 2/5.
Funkadelic
3/5
I feel like the author of this book's knowledge of funk music began and ended with reading George Clinton's wikipedia entry. As a result, so does mine. Which is ok for me, because I'm not writing a book about it. But fuck you, Dimery.
Anyway, Clinton is clearly pretty damn talented. This album was too long at an hour, but it was also fairly cruisy and worked well as background music while I played Stardew Valley at 4.30am. Had a jam feel with some of the more guitar-based tracks. Not on Spotify but it is on youtube if you search.
3/5.
Arcade Fire
3/5
This is the 3rd album from this band on the list, and no, we didn't need 3 (plus?) Arcade Fire albums. This was better than the other two, though - it's still hipster drivel, all marching band drums and indie rock annoyance, but somehow it didn't make me want to smash my flat like the other two did. I'd even go as far as saying some of the tracks were "pretty good". 3/5.
The Flying Burrito Brothers
2/5
Oh for fuck's sake, 1969. Judging by the band name and those lairy outfits I'm gonna say joke country?
Ok it's more just straight up country. Maybe 1960s hipsters were subtler and the joke flew over my head. I'd say I'm not sure what it's doing on this list but LOL as if that matters anymore. 2/5.
Joni Mitchell
1/5
Took herself off Spotify intentionally as some kind of "statement" - well guess what Joni, that's also the only time I don't listen to artists on this project. But it's ok, I know the garbage that passes for music and was going to give you a 1/5 anyway.
The Gun Club
2/5
Bog punk/early HC. About as interesting as a glass of water by 2022 standards. Might have worked if it was on the Jackass soundtrack or something, but otherwise nahhh. 2/5.
Leonard Cohen
1/5
Fuck, another late 60s album. Another album from one of "THESE GUYS" - Leonard Cohen, Bob Dylan, etc etc. Just keep on punishing me why don't ya. Cunt can't sing and this is just pathetic. 1/5.
UB40
1/5
Random thoughts:
- fuckin sick of Dimery pushing the UK.
- didn't know UB40 started out as one of those pom reggae bands
- I hate pom reggae even more than regular reggae
- an entire fucking HOUR of this shit? bugger me.
- I'm giving out two 1s in a row!
- I hate giving out low scores at the same time as the "omg white people doing x!!" losers, so lots of negativity this morning.
1/5.
Rod Stewart
2/5
As the first song hit I thought this would be a 3, but it's not. I admire Rod Stewart's voice in a way - it's pretty unique and he's kept doing it for a long time now. But this is a covers album and it's really obvious after a few songs. All over the place. And Christ, piss off with Amazing Grace. That song just gives me the creeps. The rest just descended into folky crap and so final score is 2/5.
Anthrax
5/5
One of those albums that I've heard more times than I've had hot dinners. Covered most of it live at some point, it's a rhythm guitarist's dream. Scott and Charlie really knew what they were doing here. I prefer spreading the disease but both are 5/5 albums anyway.
My Bloody Valentine
1/5
Ok this is far worse than I remembered MBV. Maybe it's because I keep fooling myself into thinking shoegaze is something I could like? Anyway, I'd be ashamed to release this as a garage band. Why anyone would put this on an "albums you must hear before you die" list is just completely beyond me. It must be cause they're from the UK. There's no other explanation. This fucking sucks. 1/5.
Joni Mitchell
1/5
This is the second Joni Mitchell album in about a week. They're also not on Spotify cause she "stuck it to the man". So I'm honouring her wishes and not listening - the only time I'll do so in this project (because fuck mean spirited "hippie" boomer cunts like her and Neil Young). Thankfully I know how much her music sucks anyway. So here's a 1/5 and I hope this sets a lovely precedent where I never have to hear her awful wailing again.
Stephen Stills
2/5
Eh, country/folk rock from the period just after its "heyday" - I wasn't there but it feels like a transition period, where these sorts of artists realised folk music was fucking cringey and distanced themselves slightly from it. Not so much as to be unrecognisable, but enough. Lots of bluesy feel going on here. Over an hour though, that's pretty unnecessary. 2.5/5.
The Doors
3/5
This is a tough album to rate - the hits are fuckin masterpieces, but there's also a lot of bland 60s psychedelic drivel. I want to give it both a 5 and a 1.
Oh and fuck Jim Morrison's status as anything more than some idiot junkie. I think TISM said it best: "your mysticism is a load of shit, and so are all the girls you've rooted".
3/5.
George Jones
3/5
Cover isn't exactly keeping any secrets is it? I'm guessing oldies country just like they still play on AM radio.
Yeah, nailed it. Not awful (and first track is fantastic) but hard to really judge. Most of it is a bit soppy. Catchy, but soppy. Bums me out to see it's 99% covers, too. A good length at 28min though. 3/5.
The Who
3/5
Don't like the who but this was kinda bearable. That being said, I did only listen to the 43 minutes of the original and not the two-hour "deluxe" version it loaded here. Behind Blue Eyes is a genuinely good song. The rest is somewhere between ok and not bad. 3/5.
Jeff Buckley
2/5
I knew this was coming sooner or later and I've been dreading it. I had a housemate in the early 00s who was obsessed with this shit and she played it constantly for months. His vibrato wailing drives me insane, and the music is just 90s alterna-crud, I guess similar to something shit like radiohead?
And on top of all that, Jeff killed himself and doesn't have to put up with his annoying pretend hippie fans anymore, but the rest of us do. Thanks, ya prick. 2/5.
50 Cent
1/5
50 cent is the soundtrack to breaking into cars to steal loose change so you can buy cigarettes. It's the sound of a cultural cesspool. I know as a white guy I'm not meant to say that, but fuuuck it's true. It's just bottom of the barrel trashy shit: some idiot carrying on about doing/dealing drugs, getting in fights and fucking hoes. Imagine being such a bottom feeder that "tough" shit like this is how you measure your success. It doesn't even sound any good - most of the time he's trailing by half a beat, slurring his way through like he's just had a hit of horse tranquilizer. Oh and it goes for over an hour. 1/5.
Black Sabbath
5/5
Much as I hate agreeing with general consensus, this album is fantastic. Can't fault it, and it's always an enjoyable listen. Sabbath tends to be overrated by metalheads and classic rock guys, and the rest of their Ozzy catalogue would only be 3s or 4s (Heaven and Hell will get a 5 if it's here), but Paranoid is just THAT good. 5/5.
The Teardrop Explodes
2/5
Well what do you know, UK new wave. Nothing standout, sounds exactly like the fucking kazillion other UK new wave albums on the list, no reason for it to be here. 2/5.
Orchestral Manoeuvres In The Dark
2/5
With a band and album name like this, I was expecting something a bit more ambitious than yet another record that sounds exactly like every other new wave turd that came out in the UK at the time. Just more shit that no doubt featured on top of the pops. Cheap, dated and far too regional to be here. 2/5.
Iron Maiden
5/5
Maiden's first truly great album. They had a run in the 1980s that's pretty hard to beat. Also the first album of theirs I bought, first songs I learned on guitar, etc etc. An easy 5/5.
Pulp
2/5
Ah, UK again. This sounds like Britpop getting fucked by pub rock. Oh, it's Jarvis cocker. That explains it. 2/5.
Merle Haggard
4/5
Clive turned me onto Merle Haggard during one of our many "nothing to do during covid, let's get drunk" sessions. He knew all about this stuff where I only knew of Johnny Cash - Merle Haggard, Hank Williams (multiple), etc etc. He'd gotten into it through his parents so he had knowledge of all this almost-forgotten country from an earlier age. In any case, the lyrics could use some work but the music itself is fantastic. 4/5.
Mike Ladd
3/5
I totally understand why some rappers get annoyed at how retarded a lot of lyrics in their genre are, but surely this isn't the answer. He just rapped through some kind of lab experiment as a metaphor for fucking - that's going a bit too far. It's also too long, but that's pretty much every rap album - especially in the 00s. Extra points for the Rutger Hauer line from Blade Runner and something about Tribbles, though. Very torn on this overall. I appreciate the IDEA but the execution isn't my thing. 3/5.
Johnny Cash
3/5
I enjoy a bit of Johnny Cash, but this was a stretch - the first two songs were legitimately good (probably the two I've heard the most as well), but after that it really dropped a notch. Personal Jesus is a great song but this version didn't work too well imo. Cash has his place on this list for sure, but it's more the Folsom Prison stuff etc. 3/5.
Rush
4/5
I downloaded Tom Sawyer and YYZ in like 1998 because someone had renamed them on Napster to Dream Theater. So I've known those songs a long time but I only heard the full album maybe 2 or 3 years ago. It's not bad overall, but I struggle with the vocals. It's like a really shit Robert Plant impression. They have other albums where he sounds far more bearable, thankfully. But the drumming really is fantastic here. Prog rock drums usually are, and this is no exception. Songwriting is usual proggy jam stuff, and I like a good bit of tasty wank. All in all a solid 4/5 - would be a 5 with a better singer.
Dexys Midnight Runners
2/5
I guess the band name is fitting cause this really does feel like 40 minutes of a manic high in an English pub in 1980. Singer is annoying. Don't need any more of this stuff. 2/5.
Caetano Veloso
3/5
The album cover looks almost exactly like that Donovan shit. Will it sound the same? Let's find out...
And nup it's South American salsa type stuff. The upbeat songs were fun. The softer stuff left me cold but when it got going it was pretty cool. no doubt the Brazilians get really annoying to this in YouTube comments haha. 3/5.
Dolly Parton
3/5
I like the idea of this style of country existing into in the late 80s - from my limited knowledge I feel like it may have been a throwback, and that's cool - but the three harmonies started to get a bit sickly sweet towards the end. It relied too heavily on them and at 40min without any real variety that was a bit much. Still an easy 3/5 though - nice concept and pleasant enough tunes.
John Martyn
3/5
Tough call... on the one hand, this was pretty cruisy something-or-other and went well with a Saturday morning walk. It wasn't loud and obnoxious, it was nicely produced and all instruments/vocals were well played. On the other hand, it's yet another artist from the UK I honestly didn't need to hear. Will they stop with the constant pushing of the UK here? Not a fucking chance. If I want to make it to 1001 I'll just have to put up with that, but it's taking me a while to learn some tolerance. 3/5.
Kendrick Lamar
3/5
The rest of you guys really like Kendrick Lamar, huh. Or should I say: the rest of you are Americans who upvote African American artists. I feel like this has a really high rating for the same reason that Kid Rock album has like a 1.05.
This album is average. It's not bad by any means, and it's way better than the last album of his here. But half the time his voice is weird/annoying, and it goes for an hour and 20min ffs. On the plus side, when he gets going he has nice flow (I don't understand why he fucks with his voice), it's got more than just drums n bass behind it and the production is really clean.
If this was half the length I'd almost go as far as saying I like it, but as it is I just ended up getting tired and bored. 3/5.
PJ Harvey
3/5
Third PJ Harvey album so far, maybe the only one that actually should be here. Still kinda bog half-grunge, but at least this time it has some get up and go about it. Has debut album energy that is kinda infectious. 2.5/5.
U2's reinvention of itself every now and then is pretty impressive just as a sober fact - not many bands can release the Joshua Tree, Achtung Baby and then THIS, across three separate styles and decades, and only build in popularity. U2 managed that, and I have to give them kudos for it.
I guess what I don't understand is FUCKING HOW?! This album is an hour of dreary boredom. The only way I can describe it is drawn out - it goes for ages but doesn't have any reason to. There are a few singles I recognised but most of the album was just one long amorphous blob of slow, mopey nothingness. Yet it was really popular, those singles were everywhere. I am by no means on the U2 hate bandwagon (I actually like Achtung Baby), but this album is getting a 2/5.
Queen
5/5
I'd never heard this album before and I wasn't in the mood for Queen (or at least their single-type songs) this morning, but then Queen II just INSISTED UPON ITSELF. By 3 songs in I was hooked and now at the end I'm kicking myself for only hearing it for the first time at 38. I've always been 50/50 on Queen; I LOVE their prog/metal-type stuff and HATE their pop songs. I think Bohemian Rhapsody is one of the best songs ever written and Bicycle Race one of the most overrated dog turds in existence. I'd always assumed their early stuff was the more pop end - totally wrong there. And I can't even say it's due to either Mercury or May being the main writer cause according to Wikipedia they basically went 50-50 with songwriting, and I loved the lot.
Even though Queen isn't exactly wicked obscure underground, this is what I joined this project for: to stumble across albums I'd never heard but absolutely love. Gotta drive for 3 hours or so later today and Queen II will be on again for sure. 5/5 and going to tell all my mates to stop what they're doing and listen to it.
Primal Scream
1/5
As if this project hasn't given me enough garbage from the UK in this lifetime, here's some nameless 90s shit that sounds like a mix of britpop and PS1 snowboarding game soundtrack. And it goes for ages. Pointless and useless. Fuck off. 1/5.
The Kinks
2/5
Third Kinks album, third time I didn't need to hear The Kinks. Third time I've considered giving the kinks a 1, but I still want to reserve those for real utter stinkers. 2/5.
Kid Rock
5/5
It annoys me that people aren't giving this an actual review. I guess it's because most are American redditors, so 90% of the reviews are some variation on "I have decided that kid rock is a *racist*. 1/5". Some were smart enough to add something about hating rap rock to legitimise their non-legitimate reviews, but eh. Fucking lame.
Anyway, I was in year 10 when this album came out and it wasn't the megahit that stuff like limp bizkit was, but it had a grittier edge and some of it is really fucking catchy. I listened to it a fair bit and bawditibaba has been in my party playlists ever since. It's a real slice of that late 90s middle America swagger. I don't think anyone thought this sort of stuff was any kind of cultural touchstone - it just kinda existed as the mainstream form of heavy music for a fun couple of years. It's over now but it's fun to revisit every now and then.
Realistically this album is a 3/5 by no means essential. But I'm compelled to give it a 5 out of spite.
The Style Council
3/5
Bland and inoffensive. Can't even muster up the interest to give it a shit score. 3/5.
Michael Kiwanuka
3/5
Cool enough album. Didn't really have any standout hits. At least it wasn't totally expected. 3/5.
Radiohead
1/5
Fuck I hate Radiohead. This is about the 600th album of theirs here, because they're from the UK. What an absolute chore to get through. It just kept going and going and fucking going. Made muse sound exciting. 1/5.
Violent Femmes
2/5
I'm willing to bet this album's Wikipedia entry says something like "it received extensive airplay on college radio".
In other words, it's nerdy alt-rock crap. 2/5.
Gotan Project
2/5
Bog house music with a bog French twist. It annoys me that any non-Anglosphere music here has to have the idiot author's idea of an exotic flavour. It can't just be good rock music or something. So there are no Noir Desir or Die Toten Hosen albums, because unless there's a ridiculous "foreign overtone" Dimery doesn't want to know about it. After all, how could you list a foreign-language rock band when there are only a kazillion UK rock bands and we haven't gotten through all of them yet?!
Anyway, this was too boring and too long. 2/5.
Isaac Hayes
3/5
Torn on this - it was bloody catchy, but also a covers album. 3/5.
The Shamen
2/5
Bog UK techno, went forever. 2/5.
Mj Cole
2/5
Two UK techno albums in a row, boy am I lucky! This one more PS1 racing game soundtrack type garbage. Went for an eternity, too. 2/5.
Shuggie Otis
4/5
Pretty catchy stuff. Good bit of funky groove, mix of soul and jazz etc. Impressive to see he wrote and played basically everything on the abum. Kept it to the golden half-hour length as well. Kinda surprised I'd never heard of him before. In reality this is a 3, maybe 3.5 if possible, but I can't let it sit just one star above the garbage I had yesterday. 4/5.
John Lee Hooker
3/5
Kinda nameless blues - not bad, not good, just existed. There are a kazillion guests on it but tbh I didn't notice. Couldn't say I hated it, but I'll never listen to this again. 3/5.
The Pogues
5/5
I gave up drinking a few months ago. For the last 20 years, I’ve gone hard on the piss – I don’t have the full-time alcoholic gene, but I fall very easily into a pattern of spending all my spare time either drunk or hungover. As a result, giving up alcohol at 38 has left a vacuum in my day-to-day life where lots of things just aren’t the same anymore.
If I Should Fall from Grace with God is one of those albums that’s basically perfect on every front. The songs are incredibly well written – IMO the worst song on it is the hit single – and the band manages to sound both sloppy and tight at the same time, which is a huge achievement. MacGowan’s more of a wordsmith than a lyricist. It runs the full gamut of working-class existence, from working a shitty job, to having a punt, to going on a cheap holiday… drinking yourself stupid the entire time. It somehow celebrates its own misery. I can’t explain it any better than that, but it makes Springsteen seem like a 3rd-grader by comparison.
To tie these points together: my entire adult life I’ve idolised this album and Shane MacGowan. More accurately, The Pogues have been the house band to a life spent mostly sozzled. It’s one of the few times you can feel genuinely good about being a stinking-drunk piece of shit. “I’m not a wastrel! I have the soul of a poet!” and so on. I don’t have many “oh my god, I wish I could crack a beer right now” moments, but hearing this album for the first time since going clean sorta brang one on. It didn’t worry me; mostly it simply drove home just how legitimately excellent the album is. But it is also a bittersweet thought: despite what they tell you, not EVERYTHING improves when you give up drinking. 5/5.
Throwing Muses
3/5
This is the sort of album that thankfully has the grace to know it's a half-hour jobbie. The singer has generic punk chick voice and that's fine for a few songs, but it wears thin quickly. The music is just basic 3-chord alterna-punk, albeit with a bit more dynamic range than the words "basic 3 chord punk" allow. It showed potential in places but whenever it had the option of leaning into something that sounded nice or inserting loud strummed chords... it chose wrong. But at 37min, once in my life, there was enough of that "let's give this a go" energy that it kept me entertained for its brief runtime. 3/5.
PJ Harvey
2/5
Oh good another PJ Harvey album, just what I needed. Oh and good it's more artsy Gen X garbage. No doubt this shit was a big hit among drugged up retards trying to become social media famous at Glastonbury. I'm glad this project is going to track Harvey's whole career for me, because how would I find out about so much utter shit otherwise? 2/5.
The Triffids
2/5
I like a good bit of Aussie pop/rock from this era but this album was bland. It didn't have incredible songwriting like INXS, Crowded House or Icehouse, a standout singer a la Barnesy/Farnesy, or even a Diesel-level guitarist. It wasn't bad, I could easily enough listen to it again, but it was... remarkably unremarkable. I couldn't even say it deserves a place among second-tier stuff like Dragon and 1927. Guess there's a reason Electric Blue still gets daily radio play but I'd never heard of the Triffids. 2/5.
Aimee Mann
3/5
Never heard of this before, kinda Cheryl Crow vibes? Poppy, rocky, countryish sorta stuff with a coat of 1990s over the top. Not too bad really, didn't blow my hat off but competent enough. 3/5.
The Mars Volta
3/5
The Mars Volta is a band I've heard of but never listened to. I know they're popular with NERDS though.
ONE HOUR LATER:
I thought the singer was a chick until Wikipedia said it wasn't. It was alright out of the gate but became very long by the end. It's pretty far up its own arse. Wouldn't listen again, but I did enjoy the first 20min or so. 3/5.
Tim Buckley
1/5
This is genuinely shit. Drawn out, offensively bland shit. 1/5.
Sabu
3/5
This is a hard one to judge - I was thinking about what I liked about it and mostly what I came up with were "at least it's not" statements or caveats. I like that it's not from the UK. I like that it's not new wave, folk rock or late 90s EDM. I like that it doesn't go for too long. I feel that it would be cool... to watch live while cooked out of my head. I liked the simplicity of it all (it's basically just drums and singing, with an occasional guitar) and the "let's just get everyone in the street to have a sing" kinda feel. But at the same time, even 40min became pretty monotonous when entire songs were nothing more than people banging drums with some halfwit screaming, cawing like a crow and making that annoying AAAAIIIAIAIAIAIAII noise over the top (and ugh, was that a fucking whistle?)
I think in a fair universe, I would only give this a 2/5. But in a fair universe, I also wouldn't be subjected to PJ Harvey albums twice a week in a list of BEST MUSIC OF ALL TIME. So this gets a novelty 3/5.
The Verve
2/5
All music from the entire history of mankind to choose from, and here I am listening to yet more excessively British shit. 2/5.
Elton John
4/5
This album is a nice change. It's not quite as good as Goodbye Yellow Brick Road, but there's still a lot of great, relatively-easy-listening soft rock going on here. Very piano-driven stuff, great lil melodies and harmony etc etc. I can't say it'd make regular rotation in my flat but it's still a 4/5.
Steely Dan
3/5
This isn't half bad. I think I shat on the last steely dan album here but this cruises nicely. It never really hits high notes, but there's a reasonably high baseline. 3/5.
fIREHOSE
2/5
Never heard of this before. It's stupid "college rock" type stuff. I'm guessing fugazi fans like it. 2/5.
The Undertones
2/5
Boring. 2/5.
The Rolling Stones
2/5
The Rolling stones are boring. This album is boring. 2/5.
The Birthday Party
1/5
On the one hand, that album art is fucking rad and if it sounds as cool as it looks this is gonna rule. On the other, I know what the Birthday Party is and know chances of it rocking are very, very slim.
Ok no it's avant-garde crud. *sigh*. It doesn't just suck; it's actively terrible. 1/5.
Public Image Ltd.
1/5
Sometimes, when an artistic output takes itself ultra seriously but also fucking sucks, it gains a kind of so-bad-it's-good charm. Sometimes it can even become outright fantastic. I'd say Burzum is a good example of how something that fucking sucks at face value can end up a masterpiece.
But other times, something that fucking sucks on the surface fucking sucks all the way through. This album fucking sucks to the core. Musically it's utterly devoid of talent and the lyrics aren't even 10th grade quality. Yet it tries oh so hard to insist upon itself, but because it fucking sucks so much it ends up being downright embarrassing to sit through.
Lydon clearly had two goals here: he wanted to be hated, because his personality is permanently set to awful anyway - just look at his fucking face - and he also wanted people to grudgingly respect him as a lyricist/artist/etc. He probably even fancies himself as a Real Poet; no one would record "religion" otherwise. Problem is, it's very obvious that he isn't a Real Artist. The lack of artistry really slaps you in the face. It's not worthy of respect.
To be fair though, Lydon did achieve his other goal of being hated. And I guess sooner or later someone had to find out how loathsome and punchable you can make yourself look by dressing up like a fucking pedophile serial killer on your album cover. lol. So fucking clap clap, the only thing he has going for him is that he's wholly obnoxious.
Seriously though, this fucking sucked so bad. 1/5.
Beach House
2/5
When this came out I was kicking around with a few people who loved this whole sound. It was also in constant rotation on triple j. I always thought this sort of hipster indie pop was lame though. It lacks oomph, and I know that's kinda the idea, but I guess it's just not my thing. 2/5.
David Bowie
2/5
A Bowie album from 2016. alright... I feel bad not liking this, because one of my best mates absolutely loved Bowie and as of writing this, they're both dead. I want to give it a 5/5 out of respect, but truth is I don't really like it. Sorry man, it's a 2/5.
Def Leppard
5/5
This album is both amazing and a total baffler. It's basically a perfect little slice of pop-meets-rock with the big choruses, mutt lang production and technical skill to pull it all off.
But the first song is legit terrible. I don't even know why it's on the album at all, let alone why they'd want it to be the first thing anyone hears. Oh, and let's be real: most of us would be surprised to learn that this was BEFORE the drummer got his arm cut off, because it still sounds like it was written with a one-armed man in mind. At least he didn't have to really relearn much to play it live. Maybe Joe Elliott is actually Nostradamus and predicted the accident along with 9/11 on the album cover LOL!
haha, 9/11 jokes aside, this album is great. 5/5.
Tracy Chapman
2/5
I've never actually seen a picture of Tracy Chapman before, and I've always had it in my head that there was something going on. Like she was a guy (the name is ambiguous enough), a hilariously skinny methed-up white chick, or maybe a retarded mute who couldn't speak but somehow sang like a bird.
But no, I was COMPLETELY imagining the something-isn't-quite-right-here vibe. To her credit, Chapman has a nice unique voice and in another context I'd probably be all over it. But the music is super bland. It takes that folk/alt rock sound a la the Gin Blossoms and somehow removes even more oomph. And pretty much nothing can justify the sheer fucking amount of play this album has received for the last 35 years. Sometimes I feel like it's following me around, or there's a committee in charge of making sure it comes on the radio when I walk into bars and cafes. 2/5.
CHIC
3/5
This has the feel of an album that was made for a reason no one remembers. I'm not talking about disco itself, but rather a non-musical vibe that time forgot. Like it's actually movie scoring (eg. Shaft), a workout video tie-in for a now-dead/fat celebrity, or a demo for something - a marketing piece/technical showcase of a new studio deck, something along those lines. But in 2022, the original intent is long forgotten. Either way, harmless enough. 3/5.
Big Star
2/5
Garden variety talentless crap. Usually when I say "what's this in the list for?" it's because I hate the album. But this... is too bland to hate. Or like. I couldn't imagine anyone going UGGHHH THIS IS THE WORST THING EVER any more than OMG FINALLY A REASON TO LIVE. Maybe if the whole album was on spotify and I'd had to hear all 55min I would have had stronger feelings. At ~30min it was just mildly boring. 2/5.
Orbital
1/5
More fucking bog UK techno that goes for an hour. I don't just hate this album, I hate anyone who actually likes it. 1/5.
Jethro Tull
3/5
I've heard this album before but only knew the title track. First and last songs were the best by far - otherwise it kept building up, only to pull back and leave me underwhelmed. Production sounded great with headphones but really flat through speakers. It's alright but there's a lot better prog rock from the same time out there. 3/5.
The Only Ones
2/5
If I ever meet Robert Dimery, this is going to be one of the many, many pointless UK shit albums I will smack him around the face with. Just before I cut his nose off with a Stanley knife and pour vinegar on the fresh wound. 2/5.
3/5
I expected to hate this but it wasn't half bad. Knights of Cydonia was the clear standout, made everything else sound like b-sides, but that's a pretty high bar. I still get vaguely cunty vibes from muse but overall this is a 3/5.
Hole
3/5
I like a bit of grunge, and this didn't disappoint. Love really screams her ...hole... out? Really distinctive 90s sound. For 38 minutes it dragged a bit though. 3/5.
Killing Joke
3/5
This album made me overlook my dislike of both post-punk and overtly British things on this list. I'd heard The Wait before (yeah lol), I know I've listened to one of their later albums and it left me cold, but this was kinda fresh. I like the industrial vibe. A bit minimalist and repetitive - really sets the stage for something like Ministry a few years later. 3/5.
Badly Drawn Boy
2/5
I had it in my head that this was one of those 2000s US emopop bands, but I guess it's much more fitting that it's yet more Britpop - er, sorry, I forgot that we'd watered it down and were calling it "indie-folk" by 2000. New millennium, new label for a dying genre!
Anyway, this was just a formulaic constant 100bpm, jangly strumming middle ground non-event. It has that post-third Oasis album "uh-oh so Britpop is on the wane but I'm just starting out!" vibe, where it makes a conscious effort not to be loud and abrasive but still wants the pomp and excessive layering that Oasis was indulging in at the time - the end result being largely an acoustic affair that includes a heap of bells, orchestral scoring and other assorted bullshit. But in the end it can't hide that at its core, it's just really bland indie fluff. Each song just blends into the other, and at an hour long you just can't do that to new listeners. It's fucking overblown and boring. We can retroactively lick its arse on Wikipedia all we want - and oh *boy* has someone tried - but it only takes one painful, looooong listen to work out what's really going on. 2/5.
The War On Drugs
2/5
This kind of uneventful indie-pop (dream pop?) never has any business going as long as it inevitably always does. All songs indistinguishable from one another, the "tard beat" going non-stop the whole album (that really simple indie boom-tish drumbeat I imagine the drummer doing while smiling vacantly, fresh from a lobotomy), guitars and singing DRENCHED in reverb and chorus to the point the entire thing might be out of tune but there's no way to tell. Realistically though, it was almost pleasantly inoffensive - just far too long. If this was 30min, it'd be a 3. Buuuuut it was a full hour. 2/5.
Beatles
3/5
At this point I consider myself a Beatles expert, because this is about the 1002nd Beatles album on this list. Incidentally, I've heard this one before anyway.
I don't think they're a terrible band, but they are TERRIBLY overrated. This album is from their "take us home to mum" era: meaningless 60s pop rock ditties that serve as advertising jingles in 2022. The first two songs are standout tracks, the rest blends into itself and I tuned out to an extent. But it only goes for 35min and I didn't feel put out listening.
But hooo that last track... he wasn't joking, was he? There's no tongue in cheek, Peter Steele-esque wink at the camera going on there. That's a flat out abuse anthem. Guess Lennon can rest easy knowing 2022 can't cancel him now that he's dead, lol.
3/5.
Bad Company
2/5
Aaaaand it's 70s English rock again. Didn't they ever think "gee, anyone who listens to every album here is gonna get sick of English rock" while putting the list together? 2/5.
Pet Shop Boys
2/5
Whaddaya know, it's an English pop group. I think this is the 3rd album by them so far? I can understand maybe 1 album, but THREE? For a band that was only half a step above one-hit-wonder status (except maybe in the UK), and that one hit being a fucking cover song? Ah well. So far it's exactly as expected: 80s synthpop just like the other 2 albums.
Update 45min later: what can I say? The start was exactly like the middle, which in turn was just like the tail end. Light-hearted 80s pop that tries to be both upbeat and downright miserable, but ends up somewhere in between? I feel like the singer really overrates himself as a capital-c Creative. There's a really hammy quality to his voice - he can hold a note fine, but the emoting comes off as stupid. Maybe it's because he's doing it over a Casio keyboard demo tune? The overall tone of the album misses the mark imo.
If this was the only time I'd had to listen to the Pet Shop Boys here, I'd say fair enough and give it a 3. But there's no reason for this much of exactly the same shtick. 2/5.
Sly & The Family Stone
2/5
This has a really high average score for an album that pretty much sucks. What's THE DEAL with that? haha dw, I know. 2/5.
LL Cool J
4/5
I like this kind of rap, just that late 80s/early 90s thing before G-funk took over the entire genre. I've never heard this album but it really ticks the box. Would be a full score except it's just that bit too long. 4/5.
Thin Lizzy
4/5
Full album isn't on Spotify, sadly. From the 6-7 songs I heard it's pretty good. I've always been a mild fan of these guys - they get up and go, but I'd never rave about how fantastic they are. Either way this is an easy 4/5.
A Tribe Called Quest
3/5
This is... fun enough? It has that early 90s rap swagger that I like, but "conscious" rap (these guys, Arrested Development, etc etc) just feels weak once you've already heard NWA and Ice-T. I just don't think "coolness" in music flows in the direction they wanted - the trend goes from nice to dank, not the other way around. And importantly, you can't do nice once you've already done dank. And people had already done dank. On some level I appreciate what they were trying to achieve here, but tbh it gives off the same kind of vibe as Christian rock or cringey educational tunes: well-meaning but ultimately... kinda lame. And I guess that's why this whole genre was long gone by 1995. 3/5.
A Tribe Called Quest
2/5
Are we serious? 2 albums in a row by these guys? Ok.
I gave them the benefit of the doubt yesterday, but no dice today. The music itself has been stripped down to basic drumbeats and basslines, really uninteresting. Lyrically it's still begging me to care about things I don't care about, as if to say "rap isn't just about violence, misogyny, homophobia and drugs!". You're right, maybe it isn't... but let's be honest, that's what it does best. 2/5.
Common
3/5
Eh, 00s rap doesn't really do it for me. Definitely heard worse, but also better. Well produced, nice booming bass that's not overpowered, some cool samples throughout. Lyrics were pretty cringey in places. It really started to lose me when the words were something like "so I diiid, whad I hadda diiid"... like ugh that's the Kanye West shit I hate. Gotta give it a thumbs up for keeping to a sensible album length though. 3/5.
Muddy Waters
3/5
Decent old blues. Nothing mindblowing but pretty solid. 3/5.
Steely Dan
3/5
For a band that doesn't seem to have ever been a huge part of the Zeitgeist, and definitely wasn't at the time this book was first written (late 90s? early 00s?), Steely Dan sure is in here a lot. This is their 4th album so far, and the singer has had a solo album included as well. What's THE DEAL with that?
Anyway, this is the album with reelin in the years on it. Much like the rest, it's technically proficient and has a few fun hooks here and there. So inoffensive it almost comes 180 and offends me, but overall that's not a real complaint, is it? At absolute worst it has a few dull moments - most of it was either enjoyable or completely acceptable background music. It's either a 3 or a 4. I'll decide tomorrow.
Willie Colón & Rubén Blades
3/5
More Latin stuff. It's not bad, it just all sounds exactly the same. 3/5.
Portishead
2/5
Ah, more bog UK techno. You know those Sunday mid-mornings after a night on the ecstasy, when you start to get drowsy but you're also still in party mode? That's when bullshit like Portishead gets put on. It's not good, you're just coming down. 2/5.
Earth, Wind & Fire
3/5
This was pretty cool. Funky and groovy etc. I did fall asleep though, so can't give it more than a 3/5.
Beatles
2/5
That was far more Beatles than I really needed. I knew it was in here somewhere (all Beatles albums are), I knew eventually I'd have to put up with it, but doing so wasn't fun. Almost 2 fucking hours. 2/5.
Sonic Youth
1/5
This is the sort of thing first-year uni students and music journalists pretend to like in an effort to seem deep and mysterious. In reality it's just artless non-Seattle alternative that sounds like it took longer to record than it did to write. Worthless shit. 1/5.
Beck
3/5
Was a time in the 90s when you could make a career out of this sort of jokey alt-rock, and even get a bit of mainstream play as well. The Butthole Surfers, Cake, this guy etc. Nothing truly bad going on, but also nothing I could ever call essential in any way. Still, compared to the shit that fills the top 50 atm this is high art. 3/5.
Tina Turner
5/5
I've never heard this album in full, but I've heard the hits... hory shet what a lesson in 80s pop/rock. It's big, loud, confident, well produced and what a great performance. This is an easy 4, maybe even a 5.
Kraftwerk
4/5
Hier gibt's bestimmt der Vorgänger von heutiger Synthwave. Sehr ähnliche Stimmung, obwohl die Texte und Sounds in 2022 etwa veraltet sind. Ganz nicht so schlimm, und mit 36min auch frisch zum Ende geblieben. 4/5.
Simon & Garfunkel
2/5
More quaint folky crap. At least it only went for 28min - like reign in blood but far, far gayer. 2/5.
Fleetwood Mac
1/5
Fuck this SUCKED. What a chore to sit through. Didn't even have the annoying catchiness of Rumours. I genuinely hated every moment, and it went for av LONG time. 1/5.
Blur
1/5
Blur is the prime example of how most Britpop actually sucked, but record labels couldn't help themselves after Oasis hit it big. A full fucking hour of this shit. And fuck Damon Albarn - Gorillaz fucking sucked too. 1/5.
Syd Barrett
1/5
Well that was an exercise in trying to fit a square peg into a round hole, wasn't it? Maybe this is the curse of such high art: when it's almost kinda sorta borderline music, that's the only way our mere human minds can process it. In any case, my puny brain gives it a 1/5.
ABBA
3/5
This.... isn't the ABBA we know and love. It still sounds like them on some level - Agnetha and Frida are pretty unique, so I *know* it's ABBA, but the music isn't fun. If I strain I can hear some "classic ABBA" disco beats here and there, but really only enough to make me wish it was one of their more iconic albums. Some of it starts to sound like generic 80s pop. Which is a shame, because I don't think their classics are gonna get much coverage here - I'm almost 800 albums in and this is only the second ABBA album. The only song I knew is "One of us" and it's not exactly a banger. That being said... it's still ABBA, isn't it? 3/5.
Laibach
3/5
Well that was fucking weird. Unique, you could say. Wasn't very good, but it sure was fucking weird. I've always wondered why the dude from Rammstein used a non-existent accent... I guess it's because he stole it from a Slovenian. Extra points for the weirdness though. 3/5.
Anita Baker
2/5
This has to be one of those albums whose airplay was limited to department store perfume sections. I was going to give it a grudging 3 for being technically proficient, but by the end I was rolling my eyes. Half an hour shouldn't feel that long. 2/5.
Michael Jackson
5/5
Sometimes you just have to go with general consensus. This album thumps and disco is kinda cool. I even have it on CD! 5/5.
The Fall
1/5
What do you know, more bog BULLSHIT from the UK. It just all sounds so eye-rollingly boring and typical. Hated every second. 1/5.
SAULT
2/5
There's no shortage of bad albums that shouldn't be in this book, but this one sticks out for the insanely-high user rating. It wasn't a good album, and it's clearly only in the book as a symbolic gesture. It's downbeat and boring, fades in an out of "musicality" (is that a word?) too much, and goes for an hour. 2/5.
Roxy Music
2/5
PLEASE NO MORE ENGLISH GARBAGE. 2/5.
Tom Waits
1/5
Oh fucking give up Waits, you stupid raspy hack. 1/5.
Amy Winehouse
2/5
I don't subscribe to the cult of Amy Winehouse. I think it has something to do with not being a total idiot. 2/5.
Einstürzende Neubauten
2/5
This is a hard one... it very clearly wasn't intended to be thought of as music; it's more performance art than anything. Some of it ever-so-vaguely resembles the industrial vibe that turns up in music that I really like (Ministry, Fear Factory, KMFDM etc) but that's where any real connection to music here ends. It has that "ha ha, this is fucked up" edge in the lyrics, which combines well with the utter sonic despair they're paired with and that gets it an extra point, but I am also being pretty generous there. 2/5.
Queen Latifah
3/5
I dig this late 80s/very early 90s rap sound, it has a fun vibe. I hadn't heard this before (tbh I had no idea what Queen Latifah did before she became "generic annoying black woman #1" in movies) but it's enjoyable enough. That being said, she can't rap at all really, and going for over an hour? Fark, learn some restraint. 3/5.
Barry Adamson
3/5
I really like the idea of this, and tbh it was pretty well pulled off. Problem is it's pretty heavy on the ambient noise over music, so by about halfway it ran out of steam. But novel idea so 3/5.
Neu!
4/5
Das war.... sehr angenehm? Das Album kannte ich ja gar nicht, die Band hatte ich nie gehört, aber es fühlte sich als ob ich Besuch von einem alten Freund hatte. Langsam und dynamisch, relativ stonermäßiger Rhythmus. 4/5.
Bob Dylan
2/5
How is this so highly rated?! IT SUCKS. 2/5.
The Velvet Underground
2/5
More late 60s, hooray. Lou Reed sucks, his band sucks too. 2/5.
Taylor Swift
3/5
I'd long lost any interest in pop music by the time this came out, but it was hard to escape. I was working in a university call centre with a bunch of "early 20s uni call centre" types - girls who liked going dancing on weekends, gay guys, dorky chicks - so shit like this was constantly on the radio in the room. This was where "change a word, get a third" was in full swing; I remember reading all about it and how it didn't seem to affect her popularity, even though apparently her authenticity was what had made her unique. I'm guessing what most of her fanbase *really* likes about T-Swift is that she sings about the trials and tribulations (and fantasies!) of "homely" girls. We're all princesses deep down!! We'll conveniently ignore that Taytay is one of the most attractive women on the planet, and that to get famous her rich parents paid her way into a whole heap of modelling and recording work haha. She's super-hot and super-well connected - just like you!
In any case this was acceptable enough as pop music? Shake it Off is catchy, the rest didn't really grab me in any way. Modern pop with its retro-but-not-retro synth sound bugs me in a way I can't put my finger on. And it's pretty generic - if I didn't know I was listening to Taylor Swift I wouldn't be able to tell you if this was Lorde or any of those other chicks doing this exact same sound at the time. Guess that's the deal T-Swizzle made when she got Max Martin to write the songs - she went generic and had to hope her established status would carry it into the stratosphere. And it did, so she's got that working for her, but honestly? This is just bog 2010s pop music. It isn't bad, it just doesn't leap out in any way.
I dunno, 3/5?
Thundercat
2/5
What... the fuck did I just listen to? It kinda resembled a bunch of genres (jazz, soul, funk etc) but then it was never any of them - or if it was, it only lasted about 3 seconds before it changed tack. I simply didn't enjoy it. It had a vaguely muzak-ey feel to it but was far too manic to ever be used as muzak/hold/elevator music etc. I just flat out don't get it. And at almost an hour I really struggled. 2/5.
The Monks
2/5
Oh good, 1966. This can only be good... NOT!
There was only one song available on Spotify and I'm just not fucking looking for anything elsewhere anymore. I used to think I owed it to bands to track the full album down at all costs. At album 801 I'm just fucking glad I don't have to sit through more than 4min of utter shit this morning. It was boring nonsense 60s shlock regardless, from the song I heard. 2/5.
The Mothers Of Invention
3/5
2 in a row from 1966, how lucky.
Ok so all things considered, that wasn't bad at all. Musically it was pretty strong, it had the psychedelic vibe but also a good amount of rockin and was full of melody, if a little silly (kazoo?!). Lyrically it was somewhere between daft and cliche - yes we get it, society and normies, what's THE DEAL with them? I dunno, maybe these were hotter takes at the time. Realistically, if this had been kept to 40min it would be a 4. But an hour was a bigger ask. 3/5.
Peter Gabriel
5/5
Ok, this unexpectedly ruled. I've heard Solsbury Hill before but wasn't expecting the rest to be so good. I think I'm gonna give it a 5/5!
Goldfrapp
2/5
Yet another one where I have no option but to chalk up to "it's here because it's English". Bland, inoffensive "dream pop" that went nowhere. Every song exactly the same. 10bpm. yawwwwwn. 2/5.
Youssou N'Dour
3/5
Eh, this was ok? Fun enough but nothing I'd listen to again, even as a token foreign album. 3/5.
Dolly Parton
5/5
Ok, I really wasn't expecting to want to give a Dolly Parton album a 5. I hate the "we love you Dolly!" sentiment flying around some parts of the internet, and I thought working 9 to 5 is a lame song.
But this was brilliant? The first song in particular was just amazing. It didn't really drop in quality, either. Some really nice thoughtful lyrics and that old school country vibe. I'll play this again for sure. 5/5.
Todd Rundgren
2/5
Fucking boring soft rock that went forever. 2/5.
The Modern Lovers
2/5
Another band I've never ever fucking heard of, but the second it starts it sets the tone for a whole lot of suck. Thanks Dimery, it didn't need to be here but I'm stuck listening to it for the next hour. 2/5.
Basement Jaxx
2/5
ugh, yet MORE 90s UK techno. I didn't like these guys then, don't like em now. 2/5.
Kate Bush
3/5
Pretty cool offbeat pop, didn't fall into that "1 big single + crap" basket, so that's nice. Couldn't say I'd regularly listen to it but I respect it. 3/5.
Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds
1/5
Oh fuck off. So much fucking Nick Cave, none of it that I actually ever want to hear. 1/5.
Run-D.M.C.
2/5
I remember in my first year of uni there was a girl who lived a bit up from me in the dorm, her name was Ruby and she wore a Run-DMC shirt all the time. Naturally, she'd never actually heard them beyond like 2 radio hits, but that was ok because she was fucking hot. I tried to stalk her on Facebook while I listened to this album, but I can't remember her surname and she's probably married with kids now. Anyway, this album was the bumper bowling version of rap. Sure it was early, but it's dated as hell now. 2/5.
The B-52's
3/5
This album was what I assume experiencing the full spectrum of bipolar disorder feels like... in the space of half an hour. It was cool and cruisy, there were hokey "spooky" Monster Mash-type bits, sometimes we sang, sometimes we screamed seemingly uncontrollably, sometimes serious, sometimes all a big fucking joke. The punkier stuff was pretty grating but I genuinely like Rock Lobster (not a hipster, I swear), and the other couple of tunes that sounded similar did it for me enough to give it a 3/5.
Manic Street Preachers
2/5
lol I think Wikipedia says it all: from the UK, and didn't chart outside the UK. Every fuckin time. Bog vaguely punky 90s shit. I didn't have it on very loud but I still had to turn it down cause it was pissing me off. 2/5.
The National
3/5
My sister is obsessed with the song "England" and insists on playing it multiple times whenever we get drunk. It's not a bad song tbh, although the album as a whole isn't really my cup of tea. It's somewhere between standard indie and dream pop - songs tend to build around just one idea - and I need more oomph/variety in music. Still, I can respect a bit of talent. 3/5.
Beastie Boys
3/5
Have I had licensed to ill here yet? I can't remember. But this doesn't have its charm. It's kinda a hard listen. Some of it is fun but the constant YELLING gets a bit much. Still, HEY LADIEEEEEESSSSS!! 3/5.
Megadeth
5/5
One of those albums I've heard countless times, learnt on guitar (not the solos though, haha) and have always seen as a high point of not just Megadeth's career, but heavy metal in general. Not much more to say, really. 5/5.
Ravi Shankar
3/5
This sort of offbeat shit is why I signed up here. I couldn't say I'd listen to it regularly, and I don't think the explanations were really necessary, but it was kinda interesting all the same. 3/5.
Deep Purple
5/5
This is a fantastic album. Highway Star is just amazing and the rest holds up as well. One of those times I'm not rolling my eyes at the "classic rock" in this list. 5/5.
1/5
Oh good, an hour and a half of Bob Dylan. Because the last 30 Bob Dylan albums haven't been enough. Oh and it's a lo-fi affair, whereby he croaks and plays his harmonica non stop. 1/5.
Moby Grape
2/5
Oh wow late 60s psychedelia, fucking shock me. 2.5/5.
R.E.M.
3/5
Early REM, it's recognisably them but doesn't have the same vibe as their later stuff. Leans heavily into the indie side of things. Not bad, some of it is catchy enough, but very samey, no real standout tracks and nothing on the level of their later output. 3/5.
Jah Wobble's Invaders Of The Heart
2/5
Listed as world music, but it's just bog UK electronica. Whenever I get an album like this, I click around Wikipedia until I find the part that lets me know it is some long-forgotten UK musician. Never fails. 2/5.
Metallica
3/5
I've always been a huge Metallica fan, although I mostly lost interest after Reload. I dunno what they were thinking in the late 90s, but I don't think it's much of a coincidence that their "experimental" phase is one I like the least. I get it: thrash metal was dead, replaced by groovier stuff (and eventually nu-metal) that Metallica never went near. The black album arena-metal vibe was dated, I guess due to (admittedly VERY tenuous) associations with the likes of Motley Crue. Load and Reload had that grungier edge that survived in 1996, but they were bloatfests and even by 1998 that style was gone too - where were Soundgarden, Pearl Jam and Alice in Chains by then? Broken up, out of the spotlight, irrelevant. So Metallica was left almost alone in the mainstream metal world apart from a few bands they'd never had much in common with anyway (eg. Pantera, Machine Head).
So my theory is that Metallica had some kind of identity crisis about this point. It started with 1998 and the Garage Inc album - all things considered a good album, even if it was 100% covers. It was a "yeah we're safe enough to release 80s thrash metal songs in 1998, but we're also covering Nick Cave to show you we're HIP WITH THE TIMES"; it's a bait and switch. One of those little cringey things that bothers me to this day is the amount you'll hear Metallica's cover of Whiskey in the Jar if you pay enough attention. It's everywhere.
Then this came out. It's alright at best. The setlist is varied enough to keep the old-school fans and the rockin' dads happy at the same time, although it skews towards the Load/Reload. The band plays very well and the orchestra obviously knows what it's doing. The production is crystal clear. But it also begs the question: did we ever actually need this shit? I'd argue that no, we didn't.
I'll give it a couple of passes: first, some of the songs do work with the orchestra. Call of Ktulu is the obvious example, and it's no surprise it's right at the start of the album. The songs that were written for the album (No Leaf Clover especially) work well as Hetfield clearly left breathing room for an orchestra when he wrote them. Outlaw Torn works well too, I guess by virtue of being a longer, not so "busy" song.
But then, why the FUCK would anyone want to hear Battery, Sad But True or Master of Puppets given this treatment? I feel that they only included some of the older tunes (also One, For Whom the Bell Tolls, even Enter Sandman) simply because they *had* to. Including an orchestra didn't help those songs at all, and for most of the others, they didn't really ADD anything beyond extra notes I don't care about.
After this point Metallica fell apart and even though they've staged a "comeback" long ago now, the charm is gone. St Anger was a complete turd (as everyone agrees), Death Magnetic was boring, the Lou Reed album was possibly even worse than St Anger, and Hardwired was listenable enough but still just a slower knockoff mix of their thrashier work and Alice in Chains. They're old now and it's a moot point, but I think S&M (and its huge commercial success), although not the CAUSE of their midlife crisis, was a big part of why they've been so flip-floppy ever since.
Then, even the fact that it's a band I like aside: this is a live best-of album full of songs that are already on other albums on this list. And it goes for TWO FUCKING HOURS. I'll give it a 3/5 because it's still miles better than yet more UK techno or new wave, but ugh.
The Clash
3/5
I don't hate the clash, I think the title track is a legit good song, but this was way too long for that "not quite punk anymore, not really new wave yet" sound. The UK music scenes just don't interest me, I guess. 3/5.
Brian Eno
2/5
Well that was annoying. 2/5.
Burning Spear
4/5
Reggae is a very samey genre. Thankfully, these guys understand that and only made this album 33min long. I enjoyed it, even though it sounds like the soundtrack to drinking in douchey backpacker bars in Thailand. So far, best reggae album on the list (I think there has only been 3-4 others anyway lol). 4/5.
Mercury Rev
2/5
I've never heard of this, and the cover isn't giving much away. I'm guessing some kind of indie rock?
omfg this guy would have to be the worst lyricist of all time. This is laughably bad, his rhymes are I guess meant to be whimsical, but fuck they come off as PATHETIC. oh and the music is just some equally annoying, toothless garbage.
Genuinely frustrating to listen to. 2/5.
Sonic Youth
2/5
Sonic Youth's brand of alternative just really doesn't do it for me. It's always noisy and off key, and has an improvised vibe that they clearly don't have the talent to pull off. 2/5.
Tortoise
4/5
The description said post rock, and it definitely is in places, but overall it felt more imo like that kinda krautrock infused sci fi "wavescape" type stuff... either way, really enjoyable for a dawn walk up the beach. Fit surprisingly well. Would listen to the first track in a playlist. 4/5
The Replacements
3/5
Bog post punk. It was ok? Not bad, not great. Was a fairly short album at least. 3/5.
2/5
I know this is one of those lowest rated albums, so pretty keen to hear just how shit it is lol.
Ok could only find a few songs on YouTube, and yeah it's pretty anti music. 2/5.
Nightmares On Wax
2/5
Mid 90s UK techno! Fuck this is an over-represented genre in this list. Naturally, the album is over an hour long because it always is. Imagine what these idiots would have done if 75min wasn't the limit. 2/5 and FUCK OFF.
David Bowie
4/5
Haven't had a Bowie album in a while! I think this must be close to the 600th album of his here. I don't recognise any of the tunes this time.
35min later: perfect album length, standard catchy Bowie. I couldn't say he's a favourite but fuck he can write a song. 4/5.
The The
2/5
"the the"? oh for crying out loud. What a stupid name. Looks like it's gonna be metal.
Ok it's just new wave, because of course. From the UK as well! Colour me shocked. Drum machine and other weird shit. It was a 3 at first but after a full 40min of it, 2/5.
The The
2/5
are you kidding? Two albums by these guys in a row?! Fuck off. 2/5.
The Mothers Of Invention
4/5
Ok this is the second album from these guys here. This one was done way better - mostly because he was taking potshots at the hippies, and that's something I can stand behind completely. It sounded like late 60s bullshit but the lyrics turned it into something far better. I know Zappa is a hipster darling these days but I have to give this a 4/5 for being one of the best pisstakes I've ever heard. Can't give it the full 5 because some of it was just annoying (see: the last "song") but I was tempted.
The Isley Brothers
3/5
Ok I look into my crystal ball and predict this is r&b / funk.
lol yep. Pretty catchy, first song was a real banger. Slowed down in places, covers meh, lyrics exactly the sort of mush you'd expect, but still overall kinda fun. 3 + 3 = 3/5.
Frank Sinatra
3/5
Sounds exactly like I expected. Along with a few other 50s albums here, this is just too old to judge. I don't have a frame of reference for it - it's like music changed completely at some point just afterwards. But it's pleasant enough, I guess. 3/5.
Gorillaz
1/5
Gorillaz was one of those bands that was everywhere when it came out, and I fucking hated it. I thought the half-anime look was stupid, I thought their music was piddle for idiots who didn't have distinctive taste, I thought the whole vibe surrounding them sucked. I also thought it was funny that Noel Gallagher said he hopes Damon Albarn gets AIDS. I still think that's funny. I still think Gorillaz is an insult to decent music and its popularity a good indication of just how retarded far too many people are. I still have no interest in this whatsoever and I'm gonna struggle to get through the whole thing. 1/5.
Grandmaster Flash & The Furious Five
2/5
It's interesting that early hip hop has aged so much worse than early metal. Especially considering this came out almost 15 years after Sabbath. But it's also pretty amazing how far hip hop came in the space of a few short years after this, with NWA and Ice-T in 86-87 pumping out what's effectively modern (enough) hip hop. But this just sounds so formative, it can't be taken seriously in 2022. The message is of course yes a great little tune but the rest? Half of it sounds like cheap funk, and the rapping is childish by today's standards. Meh, it's just too far gone in 2022. 2/5.
The Slits
1/5
Oh good, more late 70s English punk. Again. After all the rest of it. But it's ok, I'm sure THIS one will be a masterpiece and not amateur garbage like everything else from that time. And they're called the SLITS! I'm sure that's not a reference to anything. About as subtle and sophisticated as everything else about this genre I guess. But I'm prepared to be blown away.
ha ha no, it fucking sucked. 1/5.
Weather Report
3/5
Jazzy, a bit boring, nothing to really say. Didn't love it, didn't hate it. 3/5.
Antony and the Johnsons
2/5
A lot of the other reviews have said it as well, but the vibrato was just too much. I like the idea of it in a way, it's at least unique in an age when most pop singers sound identical, but the end result came across as too dramatic and full of itself. 2/5.
The Black Keys
2/5
This is that kind of "blues" that's popular at the Byron Bay Bluesfest - ie. it's not really blues, but rather indie rock with a vague blues feel for trendy yuppies to get on while they drink craft beer and eat brisket burgers lol. No guitar solos but "thumping" beats, basic chords and chants. These guys, black rebel motorcycle club, ash grunwald etc - same shit. I didn't know this album, but I've heard the black keys before cause they were all the rage in the mid 00s. It's ok all things considered, but wears thin quick and the vocals are shit. 2/5.
The Afghan Whigs
2/5
This was like a really shit version of candlebox. Most of it sounded unfinished but still went far too long. Also, I listened to it on Spotify on my TV and the whole time the (I'm assuming) singer's face was close up on the screen and I hated that. 2/5.
Siouxsie And The Banshees
2/5
It was exactly as expected. Suck. 2/5.
GZA
3/5
Pretty average 90s hip hop. Not bad, but it's got that real minimalist drum and bass sound of the time that I find boring. It doesn't suck, but it doesn't stand out. Funnily enough, the last song was the best. 3/5.
Jungle Brothers
2/5
Not too bad, don't mind that late 80s sound, but the lyrics are pretty cringey. I've mentioned before that you can't really turn an angry genre like rap into something with positive themes, at least not easily. At point I heard a nursery rhyme chorus, and the "mother Africa" nonsense is just cheesy and silly. I live in a colony and I wouldn't ever think of Europe as some kind of "motherland", and I roll my eyes at anyone who does. 2/5.
DJ Shadow
4/5
I liked this way more than I expected to. Normally I put shit on this sort of stuff but this kinda sucked me in. Apparently the whole thing is samples + an 808 (or similar) but the only tune I definitely recognised was Metallica's "Orion". Another bit sounded like one of the themes from FVII but I think this predates that. The whole album was probably too long, but that's just standard fare for electronica. I'd listen to some of this again for sure. A strangely high 4/5.
Wild Beasts
2/5
Ok: it's from 2009, has a savage name despite looking wimpy... hipstery "dream pop" is my guess. And I've never heard of it before, so it's gonna be another "didn't chart outside the UK" pick from the clown author of this book.
aaaand I was VERY close! Seems to be a mix of dream pop and indie. English, barely made a splash even there and totally unheard of outside the UK. Quite toothless, as was expected. You can tell it really wants to be taken seriously as high art, especially in the singing. But fuck that, this is hipster nonsense. Unknown, beige and forgettable, but here they are eh? 2/5.
Bob Dylan
1/5
Fuck Bob Dylan. This was just awful. For an hour and 12 minutes ffs. 1/5.
Nick Drake
2/5
I wish I could tell Nick Drake to fuck off and die, but sadly he's already dead. I'll give him a point for dying before subjecting us to any more of his nonsense. The background music is ok but the singing is only BARELY in tune and overall it just gives me creep vibes. An extra point for the backing band. 2/5.
B.B. King
4/5
"I bought you a $10 dinner, you said it was just a snack". Fucken chicks, fucken inflation! Fucken loved it. 4/5.
The Band
2/5
ugh 1968. It's going to sound like *that*, isn't it.
lol yep, a minute in and of course it fucking does. End update: this was a lot slower and more boring than expected. I had low hopes for it anyway, so eh. Recognised 1 song. 2/5.
King Crimson
3/5
I don't think I've ever heard King Crimson, although I know they're huge in prog-nerd circles. Could go either way.
Ok it's ultra-prog. Sound-wise, it's kinda like if Led Zeppelin substituted songwriting talent for nerdy technical ability. There are heavy rocking parts and folky sensitive bits, extreme displays of jazzy music theory knowledge, long as fuck songs, etc etc. It's all there. It's not bad, and I like ultra-prog to an extent, but for some reason the lack of real songcraft sticks out. Vocals are a weak point as well. Can't say I'd listen again. 3/5.
The Youngbloods
2/5
Ah, a bit more late 60s hippie folk country. Bland and uninspired, but not downright horrid. Kinda sums up the entire genre - you never really get the feeling they actually CARED. So I guess it's only fair that I don't either. 2/5.
The Kinks
2/5
This wasn't that bad all things considered. Bored to death of late 60s nonsense though. 2/5.
Paul Simon
2/5
It's like they know I hate Paul Simon and did this on purpose. What a trite lil load of shit. Recognised one song. 2/5.
Bob Dylan
1/5
ANOTHER Bob Dylan album!! What an insufferable, smug little cunt. Thinks he's Telling Stories, but really he's just carrying on with childish, wannabe-intellectual garbage. No wonder he's so popular with the generation that thought everything short of white picket fences was fucking extreme rebellion. Similarly, no wonder Frank Zappa went to town on this sort of deadset shit-tier lyrics/sentiment. Pathetic. 1/5.
Dwight Yoakam
4/5
Dwight Yoakam! I haven't heard that name since I was a kid. I know it's country, but I don't think I've ever heard him before. Only thing I really know about him is that he was going out with Sharon Stone when basic instinct came out, and dumped her when everyone else saw her moot hahaha.
Ok, that was way more old school than expected. I really enjoyed it? Some was upbeat, some slower numbers, some of it even sounded like volksmusik... of all things. Great production, plus he can sing and play really well. Pleasantly surprised. 4/5.
De La Soul
3/5
Managed to find a bit over half the album on youtube. Lots of skits - I understand this may have been one of the first albums to do it, but MEH, SKITS. The rapping has that childish 80s vibe to it, overall feel of rap you could play at a primary school disco. A lot of gushing reviews, which doesn't quite match up with what I heard. Not bad by any stretch, but definitely not the masterpiece its wikipedia page and half the reviews here suggest it is. Maybe that's just because it wasn't that popular in Australia - although I have a feeling it's more because its positive messages appeal to pussies. It's nowhere near as good as Ice-T or NWA, but they'll fire this into space before either of them in case the aliens are offended by song titles such as "Straight up Nigga" and "Fuck the Police". haha. 3/5.
On a cool note, wikipedia says anyone getting this album after March 2023 will be able to just listen on Spotify.
Elvis Costello & The Attractions
2/5
Of all the "featured artists" in this load of shit list, Elvis Costello is maybe the most puzzling. This is album #6 so far. Everything else has sucked. Zero expectations.
And yep it's more shit. 2/5.
Ride
1/5
I want to say this will be world music? Something like Enya? The cover and song titles would suggest that. Maybe some very chilled out electronica?
Ok I was WAY off. It's alternative, a bit shoegazey, etc etc. Ahhhh, it's from the UK!! what a fucking surprise. And it goes for over an hour, because what else do you want from a style that involves no musical variation whatsoever?
Ok, that was a real bloody chore. Once I'm done with this project, I'm never listening to anything from the UK again. Excruciatingly long, dreary, monotonous, boring, etc etc. 1/5.
Alexander 'Skip' Spence
1/5
At almost 900 albums I really, really shouldn't be surprised when I get yet another late 60s piece of folky dog shit. But I really can't wrap my head around the idea that they gave this Dimery idiot a carte blanche to decide what the 1001 most essential albums of all time are. It's always going to be a subjective affair, but at the same time he clearly made bugger all effort to show that he wasn't just choosing his own favourite albums.
This album is a great example of that. It's utter crap. In 2023 it no doubt sounds worse than when it came out, but even in 1969 it must have been a middling album at best. It's really frustrating that there's so much C-tier material from certain time periods, while entire movements and genres are overlooked. It's like having a Sacred Reich album in here alongside the Metallica - sure it'd be up SOMEONE's alley, but we all know it doesn't belong. 1/5.
The Killers
4/5
I was never huge on that early 00s garage rock thing, but I've heard this one a few times and it's definitely a high point of the movement. A nice listen for once. 4/5.
Captain Beefheart & His Magic Band
2/5
1967, Captain Beefheart ffs. I said this on an album about 2 days ago (also from the late 60s, because they all are), and I think this proves my point well: he just included anything and everything from this time period. It fucking sucks. For over an hour. 2/5.
Deee-Lite
3/5
I was a kid when this came out and I remember the hit single, that early 90s dance sound is kinda pleasant to my ears... in small doses. The sort of thing that was played at my primary school discos. Not really a groundbreaking album; ultimately it felt a little pointless, and they look annoying on the cover, but it was a fun enough one-off listen. 3/5.
Frank Ocean
1/5
ugh, it's modern r&b/rap. I have no idea what the appeal of this is. There are some very minor parts that have Stevie Wonder-ish vibes, but mostly it sounds exactly like the reason people hate modern r&b: lack of musical substance, ten thousand interludes, album length of an hour... what's not to dislike? 1/5.
Dion
3/5
I know things were different in the 70s, but this guy looks like one of those serial killers that ended up on a dating show or something. Fuck, what an album cover haha. I'm guessing it'll be jazzy?
Ok, it's not jazzy but it's hard to say what it is. Just has an "oldies" vibe. Vaguely country, vaguely soft rock, all fairly inoffensive. Apart from the recording quality, this could be 15 years older - pre-Beatles for sure. If it was German I'd just call it Schlager and be done.
I caved and read Wikipedia to work it out - he's originally a 50s singer and these are all covers, so that makes a little more sense now. Phil Spector is involved; I know I'm meant to find him PROBLEMATIC but can't remember why. tbh I'm not very inclined to shit on this at all! Maybe it's the easy listening accessibility, maybe it's knowing the whole thing is only half an hour, maybe it's knowing the other reviews here are gonna object to it. But while it wasn't exactly mind-blowing, it also wasn't obnoxious or really pretending to be anything other than exactly what it is. No hints of ego, I guess. 3/5.
Elastica
2/5
More UK alterna-garbage. Just a bland, it's-already-over-didn't-you-get-the-memo attempt at the punkier end of grunge - mindless chords, monotonous drumbeat & singing, minimal songwriting. Just as all the other bands that didn't get the memo started doing the exact same thing. Not surprising it's in the list here, but as usual it doesn't deserve to be. 2/5.
Magazine
2/5
I bet this is English punk or new wave, straight off the bat.
Yep. Same annoying sound and production as all the rest. Wanted to be artsy. First song wasn't too bad but just got worse as it went, which was far too long, incidentally. Overall? Garbage. 2/5
Cypress Hill
4/5
Not quite as iconic as Black Sunday but still a solid banger. Changed rap as the 90s knew it. Not as "alt" as their later stuff, but still has that cypress sound. Can't say I like everything that it inspired, but yeah nothing to dislike here. 4/5.
Baaba Maal
3/5
Can't say this is my fav thing ever but it's fun to hear something so far from my wheelhouse. Senegal eh? Would rather this than any more post punk. I'm gonna add this to my world music office playlist I think. Got pretty groovy in places. 3/5.
Captain Beefheart & His Magic Band
1/5
Second Captain Beefheart album in a week and fuck, this one really dials up the stupid. An hour and 20 minutes of mostly improv (edit: apparently it's not! wtf?), anti-music jams. This is the sort of shit hipsters pretend to "get" to appear mysterious and aloof. 1/5.
Talking Heads
2/5
Another fucking talking heads album? 2/5.
George Harrison
3/5
Been a while since anything Beatles related, thought maybe I'd FINALLY exhausted it all.... nope. Did Ringo have a solo career? Guess I'll have to brace for that as well.
I recognised "my sweet lord". I had no idea I knew it, or that it was Harrison. Lots of it sounded like Beatles b-sides, which Wikipedia says it basically was. Full of familiar-sounding licks, even though I'd never heard them before. It went far too long (no chance I'll listen to all the bonus tracks) and wasn't honestly that interesting - it was pretty samey - but it didn't absolutely torture. 3/5.
Ice Cube
5/5
One of my fav rap albums, better than Straight Outta Compton. Awesome production, full of tasty early 90s sampling, great flow, just how I like it. Not too much else to say, just an outright classic. 5/5.
King Crimson
4/5
I know this is a prog nerd staple, and I have a feeling I've looked it up at some point in the past, but can't be sure. I'm going to overlook my usual frustrated "English bands from the late 60s get 2/5 maximum" attitude for it.
Ok that was actually fairly enjoyable. Pretty ahead of its time, sounds more like mid 70s prog than 60s crud. Just the right amount of flowery bullshit and decent songwriting. Barely noticed it'd been 45min. 4/5.
Prince
5/5
In 2023 it's almost hard to believe that something as interesting, experimental, catchy and rockin' as this used to be charting pop music. It wouldn't get a look in today, sadly. But it's an absolutely fantastic album. It's fun as hell, great to listen to and it just oozes cool. 5/5.
Heaven 17
1/5
1981 eh? What fucking new wave masterpiece is this gonna be today? I see the names of UK cities on the cover, too - good good, couldn't go more than a day without some kind of UK bullshit. Fuck you, Dimery.
uuuuugh. I knew it would be new wave, but there was still a part of me that really, really hoped it wasn't. I'm so fucking tired of these same genres day after day. And this was worse than average new wave, too. 38 minutes never felt so long. 1/5.
James Taylor
3/5
Can't tell if I've heard any of this before. Feels like I have. Nothing bad at all - doesn't stand out but hey. Kinda nameless soft country rock stuff. 3/5.
Dusty Springfield
2/5
Fucking hell this is dated. It's actually a bit of a struggle, an hour of these super-oldies drudgefests was not what I needed this morning. 2/5.
Talking Heads
2/5
I know there's nothing to be done at this point, it's written and published already, but GOD this book is just so fucking predictable and boring. So much fucking new wave, so many fucking talking heads albums, so much bullshit that sounds exactly the same as talking heads. 2/5 because psycho killer is fun enough in its own retarded way. But fuck off and die, Dimery.
Bruce Springsteen
3/5
I'm pretty sure I listened to this when it came out for some reason. The Boss doesn't really have bad albums tbh, but no idea why this one is in the 1001 albums list. Lots of it sounds almost identical to his classics, to the point he's lifted his own melodies in a fair few places, and overall it goes for too long. Length and too much Americana going on for any full album repeat listens, although I could add a song or two to a playlist. And still far, far better than yet more new wave. 3/5.
Justice
3/5
Not the biggest fan of EDM but this was alright. Somehow managed to go for under an hour, which must be a new record in this genre. Still managed to get pretty samey, and I'd totally zoned out by the end, but 3/5.
Lynyrd Skynyrd
5/5
Fuckin hell this is stacked with classics - I had no idea they were pretty much all on the one album. Skynyrd has anyways been one of those bands I don't mind, but also don't actively listen to... I'd have said any given Skynyrd album was a 3, but this tracklist can't be denied in any way. 5/5 and then some.
10cc
3/5
I have no idea what this might be. Usually the cover gives the music away. Here, not so much. Maybe something along the lines of Boz Scaggs?
Eh, not far off. From the UK (of COURSE), just 70s yacht rock type stuff, bit of silliness as well. Not bad, but as always I wonder why it's on the best of all time list. 3/5.
Hole
3/5
Hole was one of those grunge bands I wasn't totally into but didn't mind; this album was a sellout. Even as a 14 year old I remember noticing that the poppy music was at complete odds with the lyrics, as if trying to pretend they weren't just simply selling the fuck out. If you're gonna chase the mainstream, just fucking admit it and own it. Did they have any punk cred anyway? It's still an alright album in that late 90s alt rock sense. I prefer my grunge with more riffs than chord progressions (which is probably why I also preferred AIC to Nirvana) but there was enough here to get by. There's a riff in hits so hard that actually thumps, for instance. Playing your song goes hard too. 3/5.
Gene Clark
4/5
Never heard of this. The name Gene Clark sounds like it'll be oldies.
Eh nah not really oldies, but it is oldies-ish country. Not quite, it does get up and going in places. Update: turned into psychedelic rock at some point, and I still liked it. Back to country towards the end. Overall... yeah not bad. wtf is happening to me? haha. 4/5.
The 13th Floor Elevators
3/5
More late 60s stupidity. It's pretty telling when the album's Wikipedia entry is more or less just a few lines of text propping up the "included in 1001 albums to hear before you die" note.
I liked the production on this one though, had a huge amount of reverb that gave it an atmosphere. Music not my thing but it did have the right vibe. Almost a bit spooky (cheesy hammer horror spooky) here and there. 3/5.
The Sugarcubes
3/5
I've never heard the Sugarcubes, but I know about them (or better to say: I used to listen to Björk's Post a lot and know vaguely where she came from) and tbh I don't really have high expectations. This kind of Gen X alt rock is too often just artsy, listen-til-you-like-it tripe. But I haven't heard it yet, so here goes...
Ok it's not just alt rock; most of it sounds like the B-52s, which I really wasn't expecting. Actually, that's probably the #1 influence here, especially on Björk's voice. Her "unhinged control" thing hasn't been perfected yet here. There's still a lot of power behind her voice and a wide range of experimental hooting, shrieking and squealing, but also lots of bum notes. The dud notes generally come through when she's just singing normally. The male singer mostly just speaks; to describe him as "accented" is a bit of an understatement.
Music mostly takes a back seat to Björk's yelling; it's just a rehash of the B-52s anyway, albeit sometimes with a little more late-80s alternative vibe. Still jangly, vaguely retro sounds. Production is nice and clear, all the instruments are nicely separated in the mix (drums and bass really well recorded when they get some spotlight), although vocals are way too loud. It's hard to tell if it's serious or just all joke songs.
I dunno, an unexpected 3/5? It's not GOOD, and on paper I hated every second, but in practice I was just vaguely bemused for half an hour.
Keith Jarrett
2/5
People that call it Köln in an English sentence are generally wankers. No Überraschung that this is jazz, then. Lots and lots of jazz piano, nothing else außer the occasional jazz wanker going "ohh!" in the crowd als the pianist was sehr interesting spielt. Maybe those same people would call it a Meisterstück. 2/5.
Queen
5/5
Again I'm quietly blown away by a Queen album. Recognised killer queen and stone cold crazy on this one, the rest was new every bit as good. That perfect mix of whimsical bullshit and hard rock, and pulled off really well. Easy 5/5, could have been twice as long.
Hawkwind
3/5
I know what Hawkwind IS but I've never actually heard them. Pretty sure I know what to expect. But a 2 hour live album.... fuck, ok.
Not too bad all things considered. Definitely played its whole hand by about the 15min mark, but enjoyable enough. Interesting little footnote in the history of rock with the whole Lemmy connection etc. Could have probably done with a studio album instead, but whatever. 3/5.
Duke Ellington
3/5
Two 2-hour live albums in a row? Not sure what I did to deserve THAT but whatever, maybe this will be really good? Looks like old timey jazz by the cover. They didn't have much imagination in the 50s.
Starting with the star spangled banner and a spoken word introduction: spare me, cut this shit out. Not off to a good start for a 2 hour album.
After that it just jazzes on for a long time. Not bad, but again: 2 fuckin' hours. Every second song gets an introduction, lots of jazz things going on. 3/5 because the music was actually pretty enjoyable, but fuck the length was pushing it.
Elvis Presley
4/5
Two albums in a row from 1956! At least this one doesn't go for 2 hours. Kinda cool to actually see the "ancient" end of this project, really adds perspective that 3000 new wave albums don't.
And this is the King, what's not to like? He definitely had a bit of charm to him, even like 70 years later or whatever it is in 2023. I'll reserve judgement for tomorrow, but I'm tempted to give this full marks. Not a dull moment. 4/5 at least.
Mudhoney
3/5
Mudhoney is a band I'm pretty torn on - Seattle grunge is one of my all-time favourite genres, and albums like Dirt/Badmotorfinger/Ten/Sweet Oblivion are those sorts of albums I would want with me on a desert island etc. And without bands like Mudhoney (and Green River), it's very possible none of those bands/albums would exist.
On the other hand, the noisy/amateur/garage end of grunge borders on complete and utter shit, and the first Mudhoney album is pretty much the blueprint for that. There are a few moments that give us a bit of a glimpse into what the genre as a whole would be capable of later on, but this is really only a few shades of shit above something like Sonic Youth. And no fucking way am I doing another 2 hour album - that's three in the last week! Thankfully it looks like most of it is bonus tracks anyway, but still... 3/5, mostly for influence.
Spacemen 3
1/5
No idea what this is but here are my predictions:
- from the UK
- electronica of some kind
- goes for an hour or more
Basically nailed it. From the UK, isn't strictly electronica but is primarily synth sounds, samples and noises etc. Goes for 2 hours and can GET FUCKED. Good god this was a whole lot of boring nothingness. 1/5.
Don McLean
2/5
I've never really liked American Pie (the song), it goes for too long and folk rock (term used very loosely) isn't my thing. Never heard the rest though.
Never mind, the rest is basically b-sides of the same shit. Gets a 2/5 because it was only half an hour.
Marty Robbins
5/5
hahaha ok just going by the cover and title alone, I like this. Better live up to its name!!
Ok yep, it fucking rules. It's like a mini story in each song, very cool "vibe", almost like a western in music. What's not to love? Full bloody marks. 5/5.
Update: listened to this twice. What a corker!!!
Faust
4/5
Ohhh, this is going to be WEIRD. I can feel it in my waters. Let's go.
haha boom, nailed it. It's some kind of spacey noise project. I can see what they're aiming for with it - trying to build a SOUNDSCAPE. I think it works for the most part. Trippy and cool. 4/5.
Björk
2/5
Björk is a loser's dream: her music is bipolar outsider art garbage you mostly have to pretend to like, and she has that weird unconventional pixie-like cuteness that appeals to guys who never had a chance with the hot chicks (and who never had a chance with Björk either, but sshhhh). A music critic's dream too, incidentally. The first song or two were ok tbh, but an hour of offbeat electronica and QUIRKINESS was just too fucking much. 2/5.
Blondie
2/5
New wave sucks, that's been established. Blondie isn't a very good band, and they're in a genre that sucks. There isn't much substance to anything here, including the singles. The non-single tracks are bog standard late 70s crud. But Debbie Harry is a fucking babe, so an extra point for that. 2/5.
Genesis
4/5
Just gotta appreciate this, it really does show a lot of songwriting and playing talent. Nothing I'd say is an outright certified banger but just good across the board. Doesn't quite have that really whimsical prog feel that some other Gabriel-era Genesis does, and it's a bit LONG but I'll let it pass this time. 4/5.
Brian Eno
2/5
Ahhh, some more Brian Eno. Let me get my best 2/5 ready.
Ok it's different to the airport music album. But still really experimental and annoying. I was gonna give it a 3 after the first two songs, but it really dialled up the dog shit from that point on. 2/5 after all!
Sugar
3/5
There was a year or two in the early 90s where AOR, in an effort to not get dragged down by hair metal's sinking ship, hitched its wagon to grunge. Its core blandness remained intact, but swapped out Charvel guitars, hot-rodded JCM800s and nice hair for telecasters, AC30s with fuzzboxes and flannel. It was still completely adult contemporary otherwise: predictable song structures and chord progressions, sing-along choruses and slick production etc, but it now SORTA KINDA looked like Pearl Jam in the same way it'd KINDA SORTA looked like Skid Row a bit earlier. The biggest offenders were the Gin Blossoms, Soul Asylum and the Lemonheads (that I remember); Sugar fits in perfectly. But unlike Soul Asylum, I'm hearing Sugar for the first time in 2023 and without the nostalgia factor it's pretty boring. It's not awful by any stretch, but I'll never listen again. 3/5.
Thelonious Monk
3/5
Late 50s jazz, ok. Not much to say. It did a jazz thing for 45 minutes. Wasn't unbearable, wouldn't listen again. 3/5.
Paul Revere & The Raiders
2/5
More 60s pop. Exactly like the other ten thousand 60s pop albums on this list. Fucking wow. 2/5.
Jean-Michel Jarre
4/5
I've heard this before, some good ambient electronic stuff. It has a real esoteric old school sci fi feel to it, really creates a "soundscape" that sucks me in. Can't say I could live on it, but it's a great little soundtrack to reading or working etc. 4/5.
Neil Young
1/5
Oh jeez, sorry Neil but I can't listen because you had your music removed from Spotify! So here's a 1/5 just because I think you're an annoying piece of shit.
Radiohead
1/5
I really, really don't fucking understand what THE DEAL is with Radiohead. Can someone give me a call and explain it? Ny number is +61432976325. I'll go wait next to the phone. In the meantime, 1/5.
Aerosmith
5/5
I love how someone has gone through the reviews here and upvoted all the anti-hair metal sentiment he could find. "oh it's just so INAUTHENTIC I can't stand it!" ha ha ha. I rub my nipples at your frustration.
This album rules. Big fucking dumb songs about cliche hair metal topics. Aerosmith might have been playing catch up at this point after a bunch of bands that were influenced by them, but to come around and make one of the best hair metal albums in their 40s? I'm guessing they were in their 40s by this point. And STILL carrying on like horny teenagers? Fuck yeah. The whole thing pretty much smokes from start to finish. This book needs more albums that actually deserve to be in it. Albums like Pump. 5/5.
Motörhead
4/5
I love Motorhead but they shouldn't have live albums in here when they also have studio albums with the same tracks. This is a great album but it's kinda wasting space here. 4/5.
Le Tigre
1/5
Album cover looks like it's gonna be DIY alterna-punk, likely with a feminist bent.
Yep, it's DIY punk. It seems to celebrate the fact no one put any time or effort in learning how to play, write songs or record an album. Zero musical value. Standard feminist theme where the base male "type" is misogynist, the sort of snarky shit that loves saying "not all men, eh? Spoken like a real fucking bigot". 1/5.
Madness
3/5
Going by the cover, this is definitely from the UK. Look at that goofy shit. I'm also gonna say 80s pub rock a la Pogues?
Not quite Pogues, although it does have a similar big band feel. Wiki says ska but I'm not hearing that (thankfully). Not awful, and there ya go that's where our house comes from. Whole album isn't awful but I'll never listen again. Guess I'll give it a 3/5.
Guided By Voices
3/5
Den Namen der Band kenne ich schon, die Musik aber nicht. Ich vermute mal garage rock oder was ähnliches.
Ok ja, etwas Richtung Alternative, Britpop, vllt auch Grunge usw. Aber das Album kommt so vor, also ob die Musiker nur 28 Ideen hatten. Ich muss mal zugeben, die sind meistens relativ coole Ideen. Aber die Band hatte auch wahrscheinlich einige sehr komische Regeln dazu: nur eine (1) diesen coolen Ideen pro Lied; sofort ein Lied seine Idee hat, darf weder Wort noch Riff weiter geschrieben werden; und Songs, die über 1:30 laufe eine Sünde sind. Also die Band hat ab und zu gesündigt, aber nur knapp. Und das Album hier ist die Folge. Gefällt es mir? Keine Ahnung. Ich glaube, vielleicht wenn's nicht so -ungeplannt- wird? 3/5.
Aretha Franklin
2/5
lol @ the absolutely gushing reviews here. Suuuuure guys, suuuuure.
Realistically? She can sing but it's a covers album, painfully dated, and only has one song anyone recognises. It's a 2/5.
Nanci Griffith
2/5
They say you shouldn't judge a book by its cover, but that seems like a really dumb rule when you can pick an album like this down to the finest detail just by looking at it.
As the cover suggests, it's folky country americana nonsense. Sooooo fuckin' twangy. By about halfway through I was really hitting my limit for it. Gotta give it credit for being unapologetically itself, but ahh... it's a 2/5.
Culture Club
2/5
A very, very mildly catchy, weak sauce semi-hit + half an hour of bland, nameless 80s pop. Not every band that had a hit in the UK needs to be included here, at least in my opinion. Shame the author didn't share it.
Update: lucky I listened to the end, cause the last song was easily the best on the album. 2/5.
The Louvin Brothers
2/5
This was alright for a song or two, but the whole album became a real punish. The guitar followed the exact same chord progression and strumming pattern through every song, and adding in those harmonies that JUST DIDN'T STOP it sounded like just one giant, 40min long, dreary trudge. It might be unfair to judge a 70 year old album for being dated, but I can't think of any situation in 2023 where this can get more than a 2/5.
Adele
1/5
I'm with the other hipsters handing out 1s and 2s on this. These idol show "graduate" albums are just written-by-the-production-team-in-the-studio fluff with two aims: 1) show off the singer's vocal range, and 2) hammer home how "emotional" it is. It's a whole album of those "huge moments" they try and spotlight in the TV ads for the show.
Yes Adele has a large vocal range (would love to know how much of that was touched up in post), yes she is obese and yes she seems to have had a bad relationship- or at least someone in the writing team did. So what? I guess I'm too cool for the PR team's spiel. The idol ads always try and spin it like if you don't care you have no soul. Pull the other one. 1/5.
The Icarus Line
3/5
With a band name and album title that fucking pretentious, I'm gonna say indie rock? The album isn't on Spotify, have found 5-6 songs from it on YouTube though.
Ok yep it's p standard 00s indie, and at the noisy end. Jack White is clearly the biggest influence, but the singer very, very obviously idolises Chris Cornell... sadly though, in this case effort doesn't trump talent. He screams a LOT. To describe the overall sound in a word, I'd say "abrasive". I haven't read any other reviews yet but I can't imagine this will get much love. It's not really my thing either but I didn't mind it for the few tracks I heard. 3/5.
Christina Aguilera
3/5
Early 00s Christina Aguilera appeals to my male lizard brain. I remember she had a sweet lil' Disney pop princess type hit sometime in the late 90s, and that was cute, but then when I was about 18 her unapologetically basic slut phase happened. I hated the music then and I think it actually sucks even more now. It's bog "producer written" pop, her voice isn't very good and over an hour of it is a total punish... but the way she so overtly and consciously lowered the bar, then got as nude as MTV would allow, started rubbing herself all over rappers like a cat in heat and pretended it was all in the name of female empowerment? hahaha, fuck yeah. 3/5 you disgustingly hot, morally bankrupt, awesome skank.
The Rolling Stones
2/5
More rolling stones. Again. And they're only doing covers at this point. Why on EARTH is this on a list of most essential albums of all time?!
Big Black
2/5
I kinda like some of the ideas going on here (it sounds a *bit* like Ministry, who I like) but this isn't clicking. It doesn't help that I'm listening on youtube (no spotify) and the audio quality stinks. But the way it's so poppy against such a "harsh" background... doesn't work. I get what it WANTS to be but maybe I just don't care? Maybe the pathetic "omg we hate this and that and oh life is just so bleak" attitude is fucking cliche and boring? Maybe it's nowhere near as artsy as it presents itself? Maybe it's simply just not very good? I dunno, maybe a bit of all of that. 2/5.
Beck
2/5
More Beck. Just meandering, wishy-washy alternative bleh that goes forever. This is a problem with the 1001 albums list: the complete lack of imagination. Beck had one semi-hit in the 90s, so the author latches on and includes a bunch more albums. It's really noticeable with those Gen X darling alternative artists - Beck, Bjork, Fiona Apple etc. None of them are particularly good songwriters, they never have albums that make for an enjoyable 45min or whatever, they've never done anything of note beyond the 1-2 things they're well-known for, but here they are. They're a step above one-hit wonders, but not by much. 2/5.
Mott The Hoople
3/5
Only thing I know about this band is that Motley Crue name dropped them a shitload. I always assumed it was Nikki Sixx just overcompensating when people said the crue was fake corporate arena rock etc. I assume Mott the Hoople is gonna sound like the New York Dolls.
Yeah, a bit similar, not as punky. Nothing too bad, also nothing spectacular by any means but I didn't mind it. The pommy accents are a bit much in places. Wanders into jam territory a fair bit. Pretty much the definition of middle of the road. 3/5.
Roxy Music
3/5
I was expecting to hate this and even wrote "UGH ROXY MUSIC FUCKEN HELL" before I'd pressed play haha. 70s UK rock, etc etc.
Buuuuuuut truth is it's ok. It isn't fantastic, but it definitely isn't outright bad. Some of the tunes rock, others are weak sauce (one even sounds like a dumb ripoff Elvis tune). Did I need to hear it before I die? Of course not. But I was definitely expecting a lot worse. Mind you, I still blame the 1001 albums list for that. My expectations are only low because the overall quality is so low. I'd probably give it a 2 overall... but, ya know, tits. 3/5.
Hüsker Dü
3/5
This is a name I've heard many times but never listened to. A couple of music nerd friends refer to them as important, which means they're probably bland but someone like Thom Yorke name dropped them once.
Ok, kinda underwhelming. Maybe I was expecting something more hardcore and offensive given the heavy metal umlauts. But it's alternative "college rock" a la 80s REM. Give it some credit, it's pretty catchy in places and the vocal harmonies are nice. But it isn't blowing my socks off. Also, this doesn't have anywhere near the ability to go over an hour. It's like a 10-page CV of jobs at fast food joints. 3/5.
Britney Spears
2/5
ahahah really? Christina Aguilera a few days ago, now this?
In Australia we had a show in the 90s that talked about pop music etc, and on this show they TOLD US ALL that this album was coming and that it (specifically the single) was going to be a huge hit. It hadn't come out yet, and "no one knew" whether it'd be a hit... but somehow they did! I guess this makes me a nerd/captain obvious to point out, but its success was pre-guaranteed in deals between Max Martin, the record company and retail outlets. Britney didn't have to grind her way around the local touring circuit hoping to hit it big by her 4th album, getting ripped off every 2nd gig, drunk punters spitting in her face and spilling beer on her speakers, sleeping in shitty rooms above bars and all that. Her handlers just bought the #1 single spot and that was it.
Anyway, the album is a non-event for the most part. The single carries it, but the entire affair is the sort of stuff that could've been Britney, Christina, Mandy Moore, Jessica Simpson, any spice girl, etc etc. It has no actual character, it's just nameless pop songs that I guess the swedes had sitting on a shelf ready to fill up an album. It does that thing where pop music ticks boxes while ticking none: there's some "reggae-infused" nonsense, a bunch of ballad-type tracks, latin-ish stuff and dance numbers... yet it's still very much bland tween pop. Song title of the album award goes to EMAIL MY HEART. hahaha. I know the internet was still kiiiinda new in '99, but that's a 1995-level reference if ever I've seen one. That shelf the swedes kept their album filler material on must have been DUSTY.
I dunno, it's hard to actually rate this. 2/5.
The La's
3/5
oooh we've got some quirky 1990 alternative here! Never heard of them, so they'll be from the UK.
Yep, what a surprise. I dunno, not that bad. Unremarkable but alright to hear once. Recognised one song. Predictably harmless but forgettable. 3/5.
Bonnie "Prince" Billy
2/5
I dunno what to expect from this... rap with a voodoo vibe? It's not on Spotify, ugh.
Ok it's some kind of "dark" folk, basically indie rock pretending to have a soul. Pret-ty bland. Big pitchfork hit, unsurprisingly. I only found a couple of tracks on YouTube, one was a video clip and he was in a character of some kind... meh, I don't care. Gen X crap. 2/5.
Kraftwerk
3/5
3rd or 4th Kraftwerk album now... probably could've done with just 1 but hey. This one has the same cool kinda vibe as the others but is a bit more experimental maybe? Didn't click as much, although I get the same DOS PC space shooter nostalgia listening to it. 3/5.
Aerosmith
5/5
Pretty good Aerosmith album. I know a couple of tunes off this one but never heard the full thing - I think before this project the only full Aerosmith albums I'd heard were their later stuff that's basically hair metal. As it is, this more or less sounds like appetite for destruction... 10 years earlier. Some really, really cool riffs coming at me here. Holy shit, I never realised that Testament song was a cover. Fuck, it was gonna be an easy 4, but I think it's now a 5/5...
Madonna
1/5
ugh, fucking really?
I know Madonna has never exactly been thinking man's music, but at least her earlier stuff had fun 80s charm. This just sucks. I remember the first song, and the rest is just as awful. Basic late 90s turd beats (adding vague rock overtones at times) and dumb lyrics about the dancefloor. Fuck off, madge. 1/5.
Solange
1/5
Well that was boring. I had no idea who it was until I read wiki, but I knew something was up when the album cover was just a picture of such a plain jane. Yeah I'm a pig for pointing it out, but that's just not how the entertainment industry works. You don't get to plant your wholly unremarkable face on an album cover like that unless you've received a solid leg up, ya know?
Anyway it was just lo-fi r&b that droned on for a FAIR WHILE. Artsy and directionless. Interludes that the media would call brave (probably the reason the album didn't instantly disappear like other vanity projects do). Guest appearances by rappers with the IQ of river mud ("put dat drank in dat red cup thurrrrr"). I gave Madonna a 1/5 yesterday but that album at least had a dance beat. This didn't even have that. 1/5.
Frank Sinatra
2/5
There's a reason Seth Macfarlane made Brian Griffin a modern-day Sinatra fan: they're obnoxious, self-absorbed nerds who aren't very smart but think they're Real Intellectuals(tm). Yep, the fuckin' lot of 'em. And reading the wiki for this album it seems that was the case even in 1956? It's a covers album of existing popular songs, intentionally Sinatra-fied, with the ham dialled up to 11. Makes me wonder what the point of Richard Cheese is when the original is the same gag. I guess because Sinatra died before he could give RATM and Limp Bizkit the treatment himself? 2/5.
The Police
2/5
Let's be real: true black reggae is fucking boring. There's a reason you only hear it in seedy bars in Thailand that cater to cooked westerners: if you listen to reggae with a clear head you notice very, very quickly that there is ZERO variation in tempo, chords, themes, etc. If you've heard 30 seconds of real reggae, you've heard it all. Not exaggerating there.
Is what The Police did appropriation? Probably... but who cares. It's not like The Police took their kazillion dollars out of some starving Jamaican's mouth. True reggae sucks too much to have ever been pop chart big. People idolise the IDEA of Bob Marley, not his music. Reggae only became palatable on a large scale once The Police mixed it with new wave. And that's worth noting: they mixed it with something as shit as new wave to improve it.
2/5 because message in a bottle is a legitimately good song.
Madonna
3/5
Second Madonna album in a week... and it's all been her crappy late career stuff. What's THE DEAL with that?
Wikipedia album entries for pop albums always try to stress how the singer was a songwriting powerhouse, but they can't hide just how many outside writers were involved. There were eleven (11) writers on this album - plus an extra few who wrote what was lifted from other songs and Buddhist texts lol. But am I meant to believe that Madge called in all these outsiders just to tidy up minor loose ends?
Oooh and omg her SPIRITUAL JOURNEY! Wow, how fucking deep. Madge gets bored of trying to provoke the Catholics, goes to India and discovers Buddhism- stop the press!
Low hanging fruit criticism aside, it's a catchy enough album. Her songwriters knew what they were doing. It goes too long and I think a lot of her contribution must have been "let's make this part longer, it needs to be like a meditation", because some just drones on almost endlessly. But not the worst thing to listen to at 5am, somehow. 3/5.
Lightning Bolt
2/5
At first I thought this would be waify indie, but no it's noisy as it gets. They seem to have one specific bearable rhythm, and the rest is... well, it's noise. I don't want to pretend this is talented. Intentionally bad is still bad. 2/5.
Snoop Dogg
4/5
Haven't heard this in a long, long time. Kinda forgot that it exists - I know Snoop is actually a rapper, but he's become a bit more than that in his celebrity. What's my name was the first song of his I heard.
He uses a lot of Ice Cube-isms here, his inflection at the end of lines being an obvious one. But he has a distinctive voice and flow, and those Dre beats are just smooth as butter. The skits have aged like milk, and I'm sure at some point he'll get cancelled for the lyrics, but he'll probably be one of the last so he's got a while. Overall I really enjoyed it. Not perfect but still some of the best the mid 90s had to offer. 4/5.
Calexico
2/5
Oh god it's frontier folk music aaaagghh no make it stop
Wait hang on it's tex mex indie rock aaaaggghh no make it stop
2/5.
Ryan Adams
2/5
Dunno who this guy is but the first song is really famous. There ya go eh? Otherwise sounds a bit too much like Bob Dylan for me. Update: was gonna be a 3 but this got super fuckin long. 2/5.
Billy Bragg
1/5
Just started the first song and fuck me, is this voice gonna be there the whole time? The music is pretty good, especially the guitar... but this fucking voice Jesus Christ.
Oh good, we've got a "punk poet" and it's full of politically, socially charged lyrics blah blah fucking blah. The song ideology really sums it up - durrr I don't really know what I'm on about but I want to complain aimlessly and I think I'm smarter than I really am so here's my, uh, scathing account of modern society. lol. What a loser.
I gave this a 2 about halfway into the album but fuck, it just wouldn't end. And this is probably the worst voice on the project. I'm on about album 950 so at this point I should know. 1/5.
Lupe Fiasco
2/5
Never heard of this guy but the cover looks annoying, omg retro things 'member them? Song titles mostly say "feat. xxx" and that's always a red flag.
Guy sounds exactly like Jay Z in places. Music sounds like.... Jay Z. According to Wikipedia, it comes from the Kanyesphere. Goes for over an hour. Better than Kendrick Lamar to be fair, but still just more proof that "black" music genres ran out of ideas in the 90s. 2/5.
The Darkness
5/5
I got this when it came out and played it to death. Everything about it just rules. Big songs, goofiness with ambition, catchiness. I still listen a fair bit, and it hasn't dropped an inch in quality in 20 years. If anything, it's even better now that everything else sucks so much in 2023. 5/5 and I'd give it 6 if I could.
The Electric Prunes
3/5
I normally don't give anything from 1967 more than a 2 on principle, but this was pretty cool. It's still late 60s garbage, but I also dig its vibe. The two main singles are really good.
Update: I was set to give this a 4 but towards the end there was too much whimsical bullshit, and they didn't write their own songs. 3/5.
4/5
Bit of early 70s prog is alright for an early morning. Maybe not the best example of it (about the only time I actually *want* an album to include dumb pretend medieval shit) but still an easy 4/5.
Meat Loaf
4/5
I've heard a couple of songs from this but never the full album. Big rock opera feel, really goes all out on the theatrics and cheesy songwriting, big choruses etc etc. It's a high 3, low 4 sorta situation. Didn't hold me the entire time but rocked when it did. And the cover art is fucking sweet. 4/5.
Joe Ely
4/5
Ok this was cool - a little bit country, a little bit rock n roll ha ha! I'll never listen to it again but it's an easy 4/5.
Stan Getz
2/5
"American 20-something returns from overseas trip and plays this album for friends as if she didn't just spend a month vomiting on historical landmarks and having sex with strangers in pub toilets".
"Bland cafe in 'endless suburbia' part of city sets self apart by playing Girl from Ipanema on repeat, as do the other 5 cafes on the same block".
"Entire fucking Gilberto family appears on dumb 1001 albums list in show of author's desire to appear worldly, despite pathetically miniscule knowledge of music outside the Anglosphere".
"Amateur music critic narrowly avoids death by boredom as dull, waify hotel cafe jazz album reaches 39th minute and ends".
2/5.
Foo Fighters
4/5
I remember this was a BIG DEAL when it came out. I don't think I've listened to it since sometime in the 90s, but it's held up reasonably well and I'm surprised how much I remember. I've shat on later Foo Fighters albums for being generic rock a la Linkin Park or Nickelback, but this one (and the next one I guess) is a step above that. I was gonna give it a 3 but after listening to the whole thing... yeah all the usual criticisms about being by the numbers rock apply, but it's still a fun enough listen. 4/5.
Ramblin' Jack Elliott
2/5
This bugged me for a few songs because it sounded familiar but I couldn't put my finger on it. Then I realised it sounds like Bob Dylan. It pre-dates Bob Dylan, but that's still absolutely no fucking excuse for sounding like Bob Dylan.
I thought it was mercifully over at some point because the style changed so dramatically, but no, there's just a fucking show tune halfway through for no reason. It sucked too.
Update: just read his wiki, and I'm not American so correct me if I'm wrong, but aren't these tunes a little too southern for a New York jew? haha. I almost gave it an extra point for this, but no. 2/5.
David Holmes
2/5
Never heard of this, so predictions based on the album cover:
- UK
- electronic
- running time 1 hour or more
hahaha, picked it. Sounds like the soundtrack to yet another shitty PlayStation game. Lots of boring drum and bass noises. From Belfast. But the running time is 59 minutes, so I really misjudged that. lol. 2/5.
R.E.M.
3/5
Nothing wrong with this, but it's kinda bland alternative. Some of the singles are still getting played on the radio in 2023 so that's something. Non-single tracks not worth talking about. There is a truly fantastic 6/5 REM album if you cherry pick across their whole career, but this album on its own is a 3/5.
Cowboy Junkies
2/5
Oh god it's a FAMILY BAND! and they're Canadian but sound like they come from deepest Ireland! For almost an hour! This can go in the fucking BIN! 2/5.
Marilyn Manson
2/5
When this album first hit I was a young teen and it annoyed me that this garbage was taking "real" metal's place. It annoyed me that Manson's shtick pissed so many conservatives in the US off - didn't they know he was just an attention whore acting up to get a reaction? Oh GOD they gave this guy a lot of oxygen. It sent his stupid ego into the stratosphere and his stupid ugly face was everywhere for a while.
About 10 years ago I gave him a re-listen. The 90s industrial/nu metal thing was long dead and it seemed like a good time to go back with fresh ears and be fair to it. I'd found out that I really liked a few of those other bands after writing them off in the 90s. But Manson still sucked. His songs weren't actually any good, he felt like all style no substance.
Today I'm giving it yet another chance. I'm almost 40 now and it just sounds like the worst of 90s rock - middling, drawn out b-grade stuff that wishes it was Alice Cooper and NIN. And it doesn't hold up to a bunch of similar bands that put just a little more effort into the songwriting: KMFDM, Rammstein, Rob Zombie, Static-X... even fucking ICP. And it's way too long. 2/5.
Traffic
2/5
1968 again. Oh Christ it's more of the same garbage as always. How is this one period so overrepresented, yet has the least variety of any time period in the list? Every album is the same. This bored the fuck out of me, as expected. 2/5.
4/5
I haven't heard this album in a long time. Obviously, the singles are still playing on the radio every time I get in the car but as a whole album, it's been a WHILE. I've never been a big U2 fan anyway, although I really liked the singles from Achtung Baby. It's also worth noting that U2 is one of those bands that's kinda changed along the way a lot, so when you heard them first makes all the difference. Achtung Baby was my entry point; I was a bit too young for this one. So it's always been the older, softer stuff in syndication... if that makes sense.
Ok, I like it a lot more than I remember. The cool delay/reverb/echo that THE EDGE just put on fucking everything... you'd think it'd be overkill, but somehow it's not. It's a bit long, dragged on towards the end. It's actually... kinda amazing any of those songs became hit singles. I recognise all the non-single tracks, too. Didn't think I was that au fait with U2. This is an easy 4/5 and I'll listen again for sure. Am I getting old and boring? I turned 39 the other day, now I'm genuinely enjoying a U2 album. Might as well start blending all my meals now lol.
Marvin Gaye
4/5
I wouldn't say I'm an actual fan of soul music, but fuck it's a nice fun easy listen. I'm already most of the way through and it hasn't annoyed me at all. The vocal lines go on weird detours at times, but that's about the biggest criticism I have. 4/5.
Klaxons
3/5
Never heard of this. Predictions:
- UK (name is a giveaway tbh)
- indie rock
- unremarkable
- goes for an hour
Ok, got the length wrong (by thanks of a 15min silent secret track that's unavailable on Spotify lol) but otherwise nailed it. Nameless mid-00s indie rock from the UK. Nothing critically bad, but consistently low-level boring. Had "indie with disco beats and mellotron" vibes in some songs. Another result of Dimery's obsession with showcasing the UK at any cost. 3/5.
Supergrass
2/5
I remember this band used to get late night rage play in the 90s. I remembered Alright as soon as it played, the rest an unknown. Naturally, this is the 1001 albums list and they're from the UK. It has a 90s alternative meets new wave meets English whimsy vibe. Even the fucking cover is annoying to look at. ew. 2/5.
Wasn't sure what to expect here, other than that the title meant it's from the UK. AGAIN. Then I heard Rod Stewart's voice! What a surprise - I had no idea he was in a band before his solo career. Or did I? I know I've had a few albums here with him singing, but I'm not looking back to find out if this band was already in the list. Either way, it was middling/average but his voice is cool. Sounded like that even in his 20s/30s. 3/5.
Skepta
2/5
That accent is far too fucking much. Modern rap is shit, at least the stuff on the radio. Rap from the UK is shit. Skits in songs are shit. At least it only went for 45min. 2/5.
3/5
I'm guessing this is gonna be some kind of psychedelic nonsense? The name isn't exactly subtle.
Yep, although thankfully far more 1970s than 1960s. Crazy how music just shifted instantly on the turn of a decade, at least to me in 2023. Didn't piss me off but I'll never listen to it again. 3/5.
Grateful Dead
2/5
Every now and then, on a Saturday afternoon, some mates and I get together for a jam. We're all late 30s-mid 50s, so we generally play a few songs from Metallica/Slayer/ACDC/Motley Crue etc, then at some point we get stoned, decide 80s heavy metal is too intense and start jamming on a late 60s Hendrix or Black Sabbath tune. And you get so stuck into it, you don't even realise it's been half an hour and you're on your 3rd solo spot in Hey Joe. Of course it's SUPER fun and we always have a good laugh at the end but I'd never record and play it back, let alone sit around clear-headed on a Monday morning and listen to someone else do it.
The one thing that really sticks out about the grateful dead is that they didn't seem to be good musicians. The extended jamming is nothing special and the actual songs are outright bad. Soooo many bum notes and parts where they're searching for the key. I know the bar was lower back then, but it was still the age of Clapton and Hendrix, both doing something similar to a wayyyyy higher standard. This sucks by any measure, really. 2/5.
Django Django
2/5
This is the musical equivalent of the chick at my work who held a high tea for the royal wedding. It's weak and bland, it keeps a blog where it talks about dream holidays in Paris, it's never been kissed and may well never be if it keeps watching the Disney channel into its 30s. I could take pot shots at it, but it would be seriously punching down to have a go at something so wretched and pathetic. So I will just say it's "not for me" and leave a quiet 2/5.
Lorde
2/5
I guess this is what would happen if Taylor Swifte's songwriters tried to write a Kate Bushe song. Maybe this passes as artsy for Gen Z. Probably inspired some really good tik tok dances lol. 2/5.
Sebadoh
2/5
This is an unknown, but with an album cover like that, from 1993, it's gonna be alternative.
Ok yep alternative, one of those deliberately bad and dissonant affairs. Like if the Presidents of the USA hadn't added hooks to their nonsense. There's a couple of reasonable tracks but you know what? The intent is there to make noisy shit. So I'm giving it the 2/5 it deserves.
Afrika Bambaataa
3/5
Kinda torn on this - it's that mid 80s rap that's aged really badly (same as run DMC) and even compared to stuff that came out just afterwards it sounds undeveloped. Lots of cheesy 80s "learn the dance" vibes, but the sci-fi theme is right up my alley and the sampling is pretty cool. If I'd heard it when it came out I would've been blown away. I knew renegades of funk from the RATM cover, but it sounds totally different and the rest is an unknown. Who you funkin' with was the standout track, genuinely cool. 3/5.
Neneh Cherry
3/5
I don't know this album but I've heard a bunch of Neneh Cherry singles over the years. Bog 90s rnb?
Ok, way more 80s than the other stuff I've heard. Has that Prince flavour, jazzy pop with bits of other genres thrown in. First song was great, rest was average. 3/5.
Holger Czukay
2/5
The first song was ok in a strange way but afterwards I forgot it was on. Just odd noises and melodies. I don't know how long the album had been over when I finally noticed it was playing "radio based on" songs, lol. Shit, but not gratingly shit. 2/5.
Ladysmith Black Mambazo
3/5
Seemingly every non-English album here is a novelty. African church choir a cappella, no exception to that rule, is not something I can do much of. My flatmates at uni would've played this to show off how cultured they are (and ignored that it's all about Jesus) while smoking fake weed they bought from the happy high herbs shop. Half an hour was the limit. Not actually bad, but pretty niche. 3/5.
N.E.R.D
1/5
Jesus Christ this looks like it's gonna be an abomination.
Update: it is. It fucking SUX. And ugh, Pharrell Williams to boot. The shit stars really did align this morning lol. Recognised 1 song, wished I hadn't. Just the worst example of the early 2000s I can think of right now. 1/5.
Gary Numan
3/5
I've heard this before because I fucking love cars. It's one of the best songs of all time. I could ramble for days about how much I like that song. M.E is pretty good as well. Don't remember the rest, only that it didn't hold up to the singles.
Ok. It's just shit new wave tbh, and listening to it as part of this list makes it clear just how little he strayed from the new wave centre. Numan can't sing, and you could list him in the credits as "barely adequate generic new wave singer #666". It's really dated by 2023 standards, but I'm guessing it was also dated just a few years after its release anyway. The sci fi theme is cool at least, and enough of it sounds like cars that it kept me mildly entertained. I'll never listen again but it gets a 3/5 overall.
David Ackles
3/5
Ok, I was expecting folk/country but this is... Nick Cave long before Nick Cave? There's an obvious Americana theme, which matches up with the album art & name, and it's kinda miserable, as somewhat expected lol, but it's all piano/croon/jazz driven. Manic vaudeville vibes in places. A bit too out there for me, but nothing awful. 3/5.
2/5
For a very, very brief moment there I thought this was an X Japan album. Boy was I wrong.
Bog early punk. Nothing of any interest whatsoever. Guitarist is ok. Anyone interested should listen to "Good Time Boys" by the Red Hot Chilli Peppers - it samples X, and that one song is better than this whole album. 2/5.
Jazmine Sullivan
2/5
Never heard of this but I look into my crystal ball and it's going to be about black female empowerment, mental health, body positivity and do u wanna lick dis pussy ni**a. No point wondering whether it'll be r&b or not, because of course it is. I have no interest in any of what's about to come.
Whaddaya know, I was right lol. 2/5, only because it was mercifully short.
Slint
4/5
Ok so assuming this is the band on the cover... from the US (not from the UK as it has people swimming) and it's going to be Americana, the good old days etc. Genre not sure.
Ok Americana theme yes, but it's some kind of alternative/hardcore thing... not actually too bad at all. Singing is off a lot but the strange time signatures and dirgey riffs are doing it for me. Just the right amount of dissonance. 4/5.
CHVRCHES
2/5
This shit spiked in popularity about 10-15 years ago in "big indie" circles. Very beige, very predictable, catchy without huge hooks. Would suit one of those triple j festivals where bands from 500 different genres (not metal) tell the crowd they have a "great vibe" - groovin' the moo, byron bluesfest, falls, etc. Would ruin my acid trip for sure.
I was gonna give it a 3/5 because it isn't *that* bad, just not my thing. But oh Christ, this shit only has one setting and it SUCKS. Every song sounds identical, none of it remotely interesting. Still 3 songs to go and time has slowed to a crawl. Update: it got no better.
After writing this, I googled "chvrches falls festival" just to see, and they're playing it this year. First result. ha ha, fucking picked it. Fuck off and die, hipster shit. 2/5.
Hookworms
2/5
Never heard of this but I'm going to say it's UK electronica. Cover has a retro vibe that I kinda dig. Song titles look appropriate. Could still be hipster shit like chvrches yesterday though. Fingers crossed eh?
Ok, album art was a bit misleading but I was semi-right - it's UK indie rock. Ever so slight sci-fi vibe and a few electronic beats/sounds here and there... but mostly 3-chord indie. Wikipedia entry is one of those where "was included in 1001 albums" anecdote is a large % of its content. Overall very disappointing. 2/5.
Can
2/5
Noch ein weiteres Album von CAN? Das ist jetzt 3 (inklusiv des Albums vom Sänger) ohne echten Grund. Wer ist dieser Typ denn eigentlich? Warum kennt ihn keine außer Robert Dimery? Man könnte wohl seine ziemlich reguläre Anwesenheit als eh... unerklärlich beschreiben. Aber wenns um die Auswahl von Dimery geht, sollte man wahrscheinlich nichts anderes erwarten...
Ok, es hat relativ akzeptabel angefangen, klang wie... Musik, eigentlich. Ja klar, alles ganz normal. Vllt nicht so meins aber deutlich als Rockmusik aus den 70en erkennbar. Aber... langsam wirkte es stranger und stranger, bis es total unangenehm war. Am Ende hatte ich einfach die Nase komplett voll davon. 2/5.
Robert Wyatt
1/5
Looks like... maybe folky stuff? Album art is a pencil drawing, doesn't give much away. I'm guessing singer-songwriter stuff without a full band? Let's find out. Most likely from the UK, lol.
Ok yep it's folky, mixed with maybe prog-ish ideas as well and fucking hell this is VERY English. Another outsider art-esque affair by the sounds of things. And by "outsider art-esque" I mean it's laughably bad. Zero talent in the songwriting, singing is horrendous. Half the lyrics are backwards? Like he recorded it backwards then reversed it again? Maybe the music as well? I'd love to know the rationale behind greenlighting these sorts of projects. SOMEONE is having a laugh at Robert Wyatt's expense here, although I guess joke's on them because one IDIOT named Robert Dimery didn't realise and thought it should be immortalised in his stupid book lol. But no, there is nothing of any interest or worth here. 1/5.
The Sensational Alex Harvey Band
4/5
This was pretty stupid but I liked it anyway. It found a groove really easily. Felt ahead of its time, although didn't always shake that old timey rock n roll vibe. Album is an unknown going by Wikipedia, but I dare say Malcolm Young and Bon Scott heard it at some point and we're all now better off for it. 4/5.
Digital Underground
3/5
hahaha ok, this wins the prize for best/worst album title in the project. That is fucking woeful, ahaha. "One packet of sex, please!"
(It's gonna be cheesy rap/rnb for sure)
Yeah ok, no surprises. The "do the dance" first track really set the tone. Dragged on from there. It's complete and utter shit, but I was mildly entertained. 3/5.
Raekwon
4/5
Don't know this but the Wu-Tang universe is usually alright for a listen.
Yeah ok this is the hard shit lol. I don't really listen to lyrics so a lot of it goes over my head, but this fuckin thumps. Update: went for too long overall, but I did like it for a reasonable amount of time before it all got a bit much. Had a 90s swagger that I kinda miss. Recognised a song or two. 4/5.
Jack White
4/5
I vaguely remember listening to this when it came out as I didn't mind the white stripes (not my fav band but hey). But I also vaguely remember being bored.
Some of it is white stripes goodness, but some of it is artsy-fartsy, indulgent nonsense. I guess I could say it's experimental - Jack White is a fucking talented guy and when he's on, he's really ON. If I ignore the meandering indulgent bits towards the end, it's a pretty damn good album. 4/5.
Kings of Leon
3/5
So this is how the Kings of Leon started out... as another nameless indie rock band. No real surprise lol. It's "bluesy" and "southern rock" in that way people say Black Rebel Motorcycle Club is: not at all, but hipsters need to pretend they're listening to more than just nameless indie rock. Singer is pretty bad, guess he took lessons at some point after this album. Not that he's exactly Pavarotti now, but there's been a marked improvement.
This was short enough and didn't honestly suck, but we all know it's a retroactive addition based on their later success. Wouldn't ever listen again, and I don't like their later stuff either, but it's a safe 3/5.
Blood, Sweat & Tears
3/5
1968 is never a cause for celebration here, cover doesn't give anything away. Beatles-esque nonsense?
Ok no it's definitely American, like a jazzy take on the pop music of the time? Not too bad, but got boring and became background noise after a while. 3/5.
3/5
I know of these guys but never really heard them. Maybe a song or two?
This isn't too bad, reggae flavour mixed with a funky kinda thing. Touches on a heap of different genres, I guess funk would be the core though? Catchy but long. 3/5.
Echo And The Bunnymen
3/5
Oh GOOD some more English punk/new wave/whatever. 2nd album of theirs here. Could be worse, it was ALMOST good, but I've heard enough of this stuff to last a fuckin' lifetime in the last 3 years of this project. 3/5.
The Cramps
2/5
Ok come on... enough with this early 80s CRAP. That chick's hairdo and makeup say it all: ugh. Band logo says "ha ha it's gonna be the punk monster mash!"
Ok yeah, pretty much. But a bit weirder than expected. Lots of rockabilly, terrible production, nonsensical lyrics, and the worst solo ever in garbageman. 2/5.
Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan
3/5
I actually enjoy these little detours from music that was popular in the UK in 1982. I thought the book was going to have more of it - I didn't realise it was 99% known "classics", thought there would be lots of deeper cuts. This album overstayed its welcome but I really enjoyed the first song. Dude can really sing. It only had 1 speed and it got a bit old by the end. tbh I had always assumed Islam has some kind of stuffy ancient law against this sort of thing. (update: it does - this comes from India/Pakistan, while the purists in the middle east forbid musical instruments lol). Anyway, 3/5.
John Cale
2/5
Yeah ok this is pretty limp. Whimsical and weak. 2/5.
The Blue Nile
2/5
Never heard of this but it has the look of something that takes itself too seriously. Jazz? Blues?
Ok it does take itself too seriously but it's a new wave/AOR affair. it's from the UK, surprise. It's pretty boring, like a dud version of Icehouse. Singer thinks he's Bowie, but he should've known better. No sense of melody or flow. Every song sounded the same and none of it qualified as a "good song". It just constantly fell short. 2/5.
Waylon Jennings
5/5
That was pretty cool. Started out absolutely great, lost a bit of steam towards the end but still a nice 4/5.
Update: I listened to this twice and enjoyed it even more the second time. 5/5 now.
Kanye West
1/5
You hate Kanye West because he's *problematic*. I hate Kanye West because he's always fucking sucked. We are not the same. lol.
At least one of the other albums on here had great production. This was unlistenable in pretty much every sense of the word. I couldn't even pretend it was performance art. Just utterly worthless garbage. At least it only went for 40min. 1/5.
Pink Floyd
2/5
Oh good, some late 60s English rock. I was worried I hadn't heard enough yet. It's only album 999 after all.
Pretty different to later PF - turns out Syd Barrett wrote the whole thing. It's pretty loaded with whimsical amusical nonsense, but also has some actually songs. Makes it more listenable than his solo album... but only just. 2/5.
The Vines
4/5
I've heard this before but not for almost 20 years. Had a housemate that was obsessed with it and thought Craig Nichols was the hottest thing since sliced bread. I remember Get Free was pretty cool but it had very obvious Nirvana knockoff vibes. Was I just picking on it for a laugh? Let's find out.
Nah it's still total Nirvana worship, but to be fair there's a bit more than that going on. It has that dissonance that Nirvana had on its non-Nevermind albums, but with extra things like understanding of harmony, guitar solos, ballad-ish moments and just... overall musical knowledge, I guess. lol. I always thought they were Swedish, didn't realise they were Australian. Should've guessed with a like "Craig Nichols". Either way it was cool to hear this again. I'd be tempted to put some of it in regular play tbh. 4/5.
Scritti Politti
1/5
Never heard of this before. Can't even begin to guess what it is apart from just assuming it's new wave or synthpop bc 1985.
Ok it's mindless pop music. It's from the UK! what a fitting way to reach 1001. This is... so bland and dumb it hurts. Michael Jackson vibes in places. But the best way I could describe it is "stupid shit". No standout tracks, it all sounded pretty much identical. A special day. 1/5.
Björk
1/5
There's a certain type of guy who is attracted to Björk. They're invariably weird nerds who obsess over left of centre garbage and pretend that mainstream beauty is actually ugly. I don't think it's any surprise that there are like 5 Björk albums here, because music journalists are definitely THAT KINDA GUY.
This album was more of the same Björk nonsense. Odd electronica with Björk ignoring accepted English syllable stress patterns over the top. Hopefully this is the last of her here. Surely. 1/5.
The Libertines
2/5
I'll guarantee this is UK indie rock. That cover speaks for itself. The one on the right looks like classic chav bullshit. Bet this sucks.
Yeah, standard issue UK indie rock. Just like the thousand other tiny variations on it I've already heard here. Surely they know this shit is only ever very mildly popular outside the UK? 2/5.
Lucinda Williams
2/5
Never heard of this. The album cover and title look really low effort. It's gonna be country, obviously.
Ok yeah nailed it. Sheryl Crow vibes in the vocals. Nothing interesting going on. Nothing awful either, but that's not truly a good thing. 2/5.
Frankie Goes To Hollywood
3/5
ah, some UK 80s pop for a change.
This is one of the more well known one hit wonders out there, at least outside the UK. I only knew Relax. The album is more of the same, to varying degrees of quality. Very sophisticated and ambitious, but for all the production and kazillion instrument tracks it never really took off. Everything left me wanting, nothing ever really pulled through. The whole album felt like one giant lead up to something that never came. An hour long tease- ironic given the title.
Martini Ranch did this whole vibe better, plus that had Bill Paxton in it. 3/5.
Neil Young
1/5
Not on Spotify except one song. It was a shit song. Probably not a 1/5 in truth but I just hate him so much.
Simple Minds
2/5
I know who simple minds are but never heard them that I know of. Can't wait for yet more UK new wave.
This wasn't bad at all but I forgot it was playing to a large extent. Just one giant blob of new wave nothingness. 2/5.
The Residents
1/5
What a load of retarded shit. Sorry, I mean how artsy and intricate. 1/5.
Peter Gabriel
4/5
I know sledgehammer but the rest is new to me. Update I knew don't give up as well. This is pretty good, obvious 80s Genesis comparisons in both singing and production, but tbh Gabriel's voice is better. I really enjoyed this. Not an all time album, but a solid 4/5.
The Adverts
2/5
1978. A "the" band. uuuuuuugh.
Yep, that's a pretty good enough description of it. And it's from the UK, of course. 2/5.
Les Rythmes Digitales
2/5
lol ok, electronic shit from the UK no doubt.
lol yep nailed it. Sounds like demo tracks for FL Studio: it knows what it's doing technically, but has zero fucking character. I mean it has something less than character. In the fucking BIN. 2/5.
Morrissey
5/5
I can never tell whether Morrissey is serious or taking the piss, but it kinda makes him cool. Music was catchy in that UK pub rock way that I'm sure Morrissey actually hates, and I'm sure there are a kazillion instances of him talking shit about other bands that sound exactly like this. Lyrics are full of his usual oddball social commentary and nihilism. There was one line that said "we don't vote conservative, never have ... everyone lies" haha. Nailed it. You know what, I'm actually gonna get out the 5/5 for this one. Fucken brilliant.
Pantera
5/5
I was expelled from school when I was 14 and this album was the soundtrack to that time. It was a pretty angry/strange/fucked up time in my life, and I can't honestly say if Pantera was a symptom of that, a coping mechanism, or just existed alongside it all. Nevertheless, I listened to Vulgar Display of Power non-stop in 1998.
I was a manky teenage metalhead and in hindsight, a bit of a cliche. I wasn't very popular; being known for getting kicked out of another school in the area doesn't create mystique unless you're James Dean cool to start with. I was just a misfit. I was a decently smart kid but the only things I really cared about in 1998 were heavy metal and fantasy novels, haha. I hated school and I thought everyone else was a pack of cunts.
Metal was in an interesting phase in early 1998. Thrash metal had been replaced by groove metal, and was in turn being replaced by nu-metal. It hadn't quite happened yet, though, and imo 1995-99 or so were the most creative few years metal had to offer. Sepultura, Machine Head, Fear Factory, White Zombie, Faith No More, Tool, Rammstein, Cannibal Corpse, etc etc. But none of those bands were as cool as Pantera. Even Sepultura, arguably my favourite band of all time, they weren't as utterly cool as Phil and Dimebag. Those two guys really were my idols at that point. And I guess as a weird kid who didn't fit in, I really did want somehow to *be* cool. This band and album imprinted on me bigtime.
You know how sometimes music can do more than just remind you of a time? When I listen to Hollow, I can smell the mould and dank permanently-wet cement in the science block. I can feel the slimy green algae-type stuff that was in every gap in the cement. I was a ratty teenager; I rubbed my fingers on that shit all the time. I listened to Pantera instead of paying attention in class. I got into more and more trouble at my new school and drove my parents fucking insane. Dad threatened to smash my Pantera CDs at one point, haha. He stood in the backyard with them (Cowboys, Vulgar, Far Beyond Driven and Great Southern Trendkill) spread out on the lawn, ready to smack them with a sledgehammer. In hindsight, Phil and Dime would've thought that was pretty cool. I talked dad off the ledge somehow.
25 years later or so and I'm still not cool, and I haven't ever been cool in the meantime. I don't mind anymore. I really enjoyed listening to this album today. I am kinda stoned right now so this is a bit rambly, but I genuinely enjoyed this little trip down memory lane. I listen to Pantera every so often, but not usually this album. It was a pleasant little listen. It really still is that damn good. I might listen to a Machine Head album or two this weekend. 5/5.
Ian Dury
1/5
It's really hard to have any respect for Dimery when he includes shit like this from the UK but omits entire countries otherwise.
This is just really stupid little ditties for English drunks. Like this guy is celebrated by his mates in the pub but no one else could ever care. It feels vaguely smutty at times but mostly it's just rhyming schemes straight out of a children's book. Music is an afterthought. It's just overall DUMB. To describe it in a word: DUMB. 1/5.
Van Morrison
2/5
Oh good, a 90min-long live album! Featuring songs from the other 2 Van Morrison albums in this book! Fuck off! 2/5.
Buck Owens
3/5
Not much point wondering if this is gonna be country, lol.
Pretty catchy oldies country. Has some of those funny tongue-in-cheek lyrics about how much life fuckin sucks haha. I dug it but it's hardly an award winner. 3/5.
Grant Lee Buffalo
2/5
The name GRANT LEE BUFFALO screams country, but the cover photo says it's not gonna be that cool.
Ok no, it's not that cool. 90s alternative of some kind. And it's garbage. Nothing worth my time here. 2/5.
Skunk Anansie
3/5
I do not like this group. Didn't like em in the 90s, don't like em now.
This album was heavier than the last bunch of songs I remember not liking from them. It's.... ok? A bit too bipolar for me. 3/5.
Rahul Dev Burman
3/5
Pretty campy and nowhere near as "Bollywood annoying" as the current Spotify Bollywood playlists lol. Fun little listen, I guess. Pretty naff but a good enough change from whatever UK crap they would've otherwise hit me with. 3/5.
Fishbone
4/5
And that's the second sample in good time boys covered! Had the first one a couple months back.
I hadn't heard these guys before, I'm usually more on board with this kinda style. Similar vibe to RHCP, Faith no More, Living Colour etc from the exact same time. Metal guitar, funk bass, jazz drums. It's a good combo. Maybe not as good as any of those bands, still a fun enough listen and a few of these tracks are going in playlists. 4/5.
Kings of Leon
3/5
I gotta give the Kings of Leon some credit for having so many songs I recognise on this one album... despite it being dead fucking boring and me having no idea I'd ever heard it before. Kings of Mediocrity, more like. 3/5?
5/5
The fucking peanut gallery, sheesh.
This album fuckin thumps. It isn't as good as significant other, but it has its charm. Not that anyone here plans on giving it a chance. Willing to bet half these reviews were written before the first song finished, and the album was turned off after that. Pussies. 5/5 and keep fuckin ROLLIN!
Jimi Hendrix
5/5
I *hate* joining the general rabble here, but this album is pretty A+. Love that slightly broken up, strat on the neck pickup tone. Every song is (in the best way) just a jam in Em, really easy to just get lost in it all. Shame about she's so fine - really out of place and annoyingly "Englishy" pop style - but otherwise this is a 4-5/5.
Slayer
5/5
I honestly can't describe how much this album blew my mind when I first heard it. I thought Metallica was the peak of 1980s thrash metal, and to be fair they are... but my first experience of Slayer was something else. It made Master of Puppets sound like Rush. It gave me that "hory shet, now THIS is fucking cool!" feeling that is so fleetingly rare after about age 8. I've learned the whole thing on guitar over the years (except the solos, bc who the fuck learns a Slayer solo?) and it still fuckin thumps whenever I play it. Including today. 5/5.
Siouxsie And The Banshees
2/5
I don't like the overall sound or vibe of these late 70s UK punk, post-punk and new wave albums. They just don't appeal to me on any level. The production is always tinny, the vocals (male or female) warbly and filled with weird whooping noises, songs generally simple affairs devoid of musicality beyond whatever they accidentally stumble upon, lyrics about living in grimy apartments in London where everyone smokes indoors. I get the feeling you need to like the *idea* of it more than enjoy the sound. I do not enjoy the sound OR like the idea.
And as a final insult, this rubbish has a (mercifully only marginally) higher rating than yesterday's Slayer album, which obviously took so much more talent and effort. But here we are. 2/5.
1/5
I can't for the life of me work out what's on the cover of this. I usually don't start listening until I've made a quick guess... but I have no clue what I'm looking at here. Band and album titles... indie? folk? DIY garage punk? Whatever it is, it seems homemade.
WELL! About halfway through the fourth song and I still don't know. Vaguely percussive noises and odd yelling. Sounds like a cross between a skipping record and a countdown alarm in a video game (update: the whole album was like this). Either way, it's not really music. That's not a sledge; I mean it in a very clinical sense - this likely does not meet any commonly-accepted criteria for what a human would consider music. 1/5.
Echo And The Bunnymen
2/5
This is the third album by these guys here. They're relative nobodies but they keep turning up. You have to be fucking kidding me. They're not bad, they're just an inoffensive and bland cure knockoff. They shouldn't be in this list once, let alone 3 times. 2/5.
Stephen Stills
2/5
Nothing wrong with this, but JEEZ these guys have really dominated this list hey. Be close to rivalling the Beatles overall. As I said, nothing wrong with it, but so very bored of the sound. 2/5.
Slade
4/5
I guess this is what they called 70s glam rock? Gives off T. Rex vibes, but I little heavier. I knew Mama We're all Crazy Now and Goodbye to Jane. Fun songs, rest of the album about the same quality. Everyone knows Quiet Riot made a living out of this band, but it occurs to me that the likes of LA Guns and Faster Pussycat owe them a Christmas card as well. Overall pretty good, didn't blow my mind but I enjoyed from start to finish. 4/5.
Public Image Ltd.
1/5
Well that was torture. He really did fancy himself as a true creative hey. Fuck he was wrong lol. I guess lucky for him he's such a sociopath he'd never listen to criticism anyway. 1/5.
Death In Vegas
3/5
90s UK electronica just for a change. Tarantino movie vibes. Was hoping to give it a 2 just because it's 90s UK electronica, but it's a 3/5.
Scissor Sisters
4/5
Scissor sisters is one of those bands that sounds great for a few songs, but gets old. It's fucking catchy in places though. A lot of it sounds vaguely like other songs, like if Elton bummed Bowie, but in a good way. 4/5.
Meat Puppets
2/5
I bought this CD in about 2003 as one of those JB Hi-Fi $7 deals. I felt ripped off. The meat puppets were not a good band - noisy, out of tune, amateur slop. Hard to digest, no real talent. The craziest thing is that this album is a masterpiece compared to the one before it.
Overall take home message on this band in general: Kurt Cobain led a lot of us up the garden path. I'm guessing they sent him a thankyou card though. 2/5.
The Cult
5/5
I can't load any other reviews for this. Am I the first? Fuck yeah!
Anyway, I'm a big fan of these guys. Sonic temple is better but only by a sliver. Has a distinctly 80s feel but also a timeless rock vibe. Like they knew about hair metal but only dipped their toes cause they knew it had a use by date. Perfect summertime beer music. 5/5.
The Soft Boys
2/5
This looks dumb. I think it's gonna be dumb.
Ok yeah it's dumb. Punky garage rock with fake vocal harmonies, dumb lyrics, not much else going on. Another big hit for the must hear before you die book. 2/5.
Incubus
5/5
In 2002 I moved to a subtropical city in the middle of winter. I made friends with a dude who was OBSESSED with Incubus. We listened to a lot of music, drank a lot of beer and just enjoyed life in a warm climate. At the time I knew Incubus' radio hits, but after about 6 months I'd heard their entire catalogue many, many times. I fell completely in love with Fungus Amongus and SCIENCE. I was into the more metal / Mr Bungle style and not so much the straight up rock (for the time) Morning View vibe. Make Yourself was the transition album. I didn't mind it, but didn't rave about it.
I ended up seeing Incubus in 2007 or so when they played a festival near my house. I had no idea it was even on, I just went for a walk one day and stumbled across it. They weren't very interesting live, tbh; the band just stood there and Brandon didn't speak at all between songs. They played, they got off the stage.
But this morning, listening to Make Yourself for the first time in close to 20 years... hell yeah. It's a really odd mix of bro vibes and pretty intricate rock, but it works and it reminds me of a more carefree time. Full marks, even if it is just nostalgia. 5/5.
Bill Callahan
2/5
"Well this guy can't sing and his music is slow and boring. Let's put his album in the 1001 albums list anyway" - Robert Dimery, probably. 2/5.
John Lennon
2/5
This is honestly barely ok... it's cliche and trite in 2023 most of the time, and some of it is repeats from another Lennon album we've already had. Overall just a non-event that probably wouldn't even get a look-in with independent labels today. 2/5.
White Denim
4/5
Ok this is indie rock but with a bit of talent. Has a psychedelic feel, but structured in a prog rock way. I'm half asleep and really digging it. Fits the mood perfectly. 4/5.
Tom Waits
1/5
Fifth Waits album. I'm SURE he was that important, and not - as I actually described him in an earlier review - a raspy old hack. Right? This shtick is painful. I didn't expect much from this, and I was *still* disappointed. 1/5.
The Charlatans
2/5
Oh god, look at that cover. No prizes for guessing it's yet more Britpop.
One to Another felt vaguely familiar and shit, the rest unfamiliar and shit. I guess it's really a testament to how good Oasis was that they managed to take as unappealing a sound as Britpop and make it *that* good. 2/5 for these dickheads though.
Justin Timberlake
3/5
Pharell Williams has obviously written most of this, to the point his voice is the first thing you hear on the album lol. And Pharrell loves Michael Jackson, but JT doesn't have the chops to really pull off the vocal theatrics needed for a good MJ knockoff. There's cheesy "reppin" from no doubt wholesome rappers, eg. Pharrell himself, maybe 1 or 2 others. Really cringey lyrics; almost every line a tired cliche. I recognised way more than I thought I would (club hits from when I was 18 I guess, even though I tried to avoid clubs I still ended up in them from time to time). It's at least consistent in songwriting, and the production is flawless, but overall too long and too many ballads. Dragged on towards the end.
3/5. None of the full charm of catchy boy band stuff, but at least there wasn't 300 different songwriters like on Britney/Christina etc albums.
Dead Kennedys
3/5
I know a few of these songs pretty well, and I like them, but the ones I didn't know I thought sounded like amateur shit. Does that mean kill the poor is actually garbage? probably, haha. But it kinda had charm, painful singing and all. 3/5.
The Bees
1/5
Album art suggests hipster garbage. It has fuck all plays on Spotify; unless it was only added yesterday, there's no way it's important or influential in any way whatsoever. It has to be from the UK - nothing so unknown would ever make this list from any other country - but a wrestler on the cover? That's not so British. Maybe that's the gag and it's just the ultimate UK hipster statement?
Yep, UK and wussy annoying hipster pop. I could FEEL the cynicism coming through the speakers. It felt like it wanted to be clever, but it was just painful. I outright hated it. Music hard to describe, like an art school kid with no talent trying to do things like reggae and jazz? Singing was horrendous. Absolutely no reason for this to exist. 1/5.
Gram Parsons
3/5
Started out really fun but got kinda old. Not bad for country though, with a few rock n roll flavours in there. Dug the duet vocals. 3/5.
The Fall
2/5
This band sucks. Just boring alternative British garbage that in truth, no one apart from the author of this book would ever care about. Yet this is the 3rd album here. Seriously, fuck off already. 2/5.
Big Star
4/5
This almost rocked my socks off. It came really close at times, but it never just hit cruising altitude and stayed there. It threw some cool Zeppelinisms at at me then descended into Beatlesy wuss-rock, or even a more folky US flavour kinda thing... but you know what? I'll give it a 4/5 anyway.
plus it has a song called "the India song" and as it happens, I'm in the middle of a 5-week work trip... in India! Shame it isn't a total banger or I'd make it the theme song to my SLIDESHOW NIGHT when I get home lol.
Joanna Newsom
2/5
I've given Joanna Newsom a listen before but didn't like it. Maybe that's changed, I dunno.
Oh no, no, noooo. That voice is too much for me. She can sing really well but there's this horrid inflection in some words that makes me wince. Plus a lot of the time the singing had almost zero connection to what was going on behind it - no doubt the point, but no thanks. The music itself was like jazzy renaissance fair stuff, but with the voice added in it had an odd country flavour. This was a struggle. 2/5.
Hot Chip
2/5
ugh I remember these guys. Bland, English wuss-pop. The early 2010s were full of this utter shite. Of COURSE Dimery likes it. How does he just continually have an ear for the lamest musical trends of each era? 2/5.
Tom Tom Club
1/5
Ok, this is from 1981- let's pretend it won't be new wave. haha.
Whaddaya know, it's new wave! Thankfully half of it wasn't available on Spotify. Sadly, half of it was - primary school rap, stupid noises, like a community art theatre project. No hint of any actual talent. 1/5.
Paul McCartney
1/5
Something from the Beatlesverse, how unlikely!
ahahaha even the wiki article says the album was panned, yet here it fucking is. Thank you Dimery, you worthless piece of shit. It all just seems like interludes or something - no real songs. And the bad production criticism is pretty bang on. I didn't recognise anything, even the song with 120 million plays. One of the supposedly best songwriters of all time has no business putting out this crap. 1/5.
Nico
1/5
Looks European, like something you'd find in a pile of vinyl LPs in an op-shop. You know when you see the CDs/vinyl in a thrift store and it's clear someone's grandmother died and they "donated" all her old records rather than taking them to the dump? This cover is *exactly* that.
Ok yes, European lol. I was expecting French for some reason, but I'll take German. Singing is rough, she kept holding these really bum notes - almost like someone picked them out on purpose just to highlight how bad her voice is. Music vaguely folky garbage that is only there to prop up the singing more often than not... which is fucking saying something. I gave yesterday's album a 1 and it was so much better than this. 1/5.
The White Stripes
3/5
I wouldn't say I've followed these guys super closely but I did know there was a point where Jack disappeared up his own arse and Meg fell off the radar. I guess this is that point. Talented guy but dial it back with the weird hillbilly folk nonsense, fella. 3/5.
Mariah Carey
3/5
uuuugh I remember singles from this coming out and thinking "what's with all these cute pop singers doing DIRTY ASS HOE SHIT with rappers? hahaha. Of course at the time I was like 13 and had no idea how music marketing worked and what a big splash gangsta rap had made in the pop industry, esp. in America. I was into metal and punk but all the girls I was trying to root were right into this, All Saints, etc. Ballads mixed with DIRTY ASS HOE SHIT. It was a trying time lol.
I'm surprised how much of this album is familiar - the first 5-6 songs must've all been singles. But the whole thing was a struggle, it's just too much of the same thing. She has a huge range and the vocal theatrics are impressive... but after about 30min it's really tiring. I wonder if Mariah Carey is the reason all the idol-type singers do this shit non-stop? ah either way, if it'd been half the length I could've given this a 4. The imitation Bone Thugs song was actually pretty cool. 3/5.
Robert Wyatt
2/5
Never heard of this but obviously hipster shit. Title & album art suggest wussy indie rock. The name "Wyatt" hints at USA but most likely UK as always.
ahaha yep it's English. Accented voice is hidden in the mix a bit, but it's there. Music sounds like the album art looks, so it's honest... but honest, complete shit. I'm not angry, or even disappointed at this point. I'm just giving out a 2/5.
Ms. Dynamite
1/5
I guarantee this is some English rapper no one has heard of outside the UK, and that it's unironically shallow as fuck. There's a song called "afraid 2 fly" ahahaha oh fuck off you hack.
Update: was exactly as expected. Zero depth, lyrics hilariously cheap. Only actual content on its wiki entry is "included in this shitty book". Not quite as bad as MIA, but still a whopping 1/5.
Peter Gabriel
3/5
I've given Peter Gabriel a 5 on this project before, but in saying that I'm pretty unbiased. I think Genesis was at its creative peak with him singing, and he's obviously a quiet genius living in the shadow of Phil Collins. Underrated, at least in relative terms.
That being said, this album was only mildly interesting. I forgot it was playing for a good half of it, only really enjoyed the first 2 songs and the last. Rest was a blur. 3/5.
G. Love & Special Sauce
3/5
Ok so based on the cover and title, here is my grand prediction: this is going to be a PG-rated version of Fun Lovin' Criminals/Everlast.
PRETTY MUCH NAILED IT. A bit jazzier, but overall I'm satisfied with my guess there. I imagine this is what happens when you give a poor kid a scholarship to a music school, or when rich a music school kid gets into weed a few years too early. 3/5.
The Psychedelic Furs
2/5
Christ, another album from 1981 that has a similar name and album art to everything else from 1981 here. Is it going to be post punk/new wave garbage? Course it is. UK? Yeah, probably.
Yep, English new wave punk garbage. Singer rips off Johnny rotten. Boring. 2/5.
TV On The Radio
2/5
I remember the name but dunno if I ever heard these guys. Stupid hipster title in any case, even if it turns out to be great (it won't).
eh, it's repetitive, minimalist indie rock. Was really bored by song #2 but it went for a full hour. Not a babe in sight. jeeeeeeeez. 2/5.
M.I.A.
1/5
ugh, another album of hers? Ok, whatever.
Ok, it's awful. 1/5.
Rufus Wainwright
2/5
Second album by this guy here. Soft hipstery pop stuff, not my thing. Very much up its own arse- I would not be surprised to find out this guy has named himself one of the world's greatest songwriters in an interview. It's "ambitious" but imo just comes off as annoying. Not fuck-you-and-you-die annoying, but just a low-level annoying that bugged me for an hour. 2/5.
Throbbing Gristle
2/5
This is one of those albums that's not music in any real sense - some of it was close, dead on arrival stuck out, but even that was more just rhythmic bleeps and bloops than anything. It had a strangely hypnotic quality to listen to while I dozed, but not quite enough to send me back to sleep. Intermittent shrieking and jarring noises disrupt anything that could be considered a tune. Hard to judge overall, but it gets a 2/5.
Pere Ubu
1/5
Second album by this guy, second load of shit. 1/5.
American Music Club
3/5
Full thing wasn't on Spotify, managed to find 4-5 songs on YouTube. Sounded pretty good, nice cruisy vibe. Vaguely Mark Lanegan sounding. 3/5 bc I couldn't hear the whole thing.
Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds
2/5
ugh no thanks we've had enough Nick Cave. 2/5.
The xx
2/5
The xx. This is bound to be good with such a well-thought-out name as "the xx". Not! ha ha! It'll be indie of course, probably UK.
Yep nailed it now fuck off pls. Bog indie I couldn't bring myself to care about. Two singers but they both have the same vocal range, durrrr. 2/5.
Ali Farka Touré
3/5
lol how does this absolute wildcard get 2 albums? Dimery has no clue at all. Even when he's trying to diversify he still fucks it up. Like oh yeah we've got 800 albums from the UK, the Gilberto family representing Brazil 6 times and some random fella from Mali twice. Durrr, I'm Robert Dimery!
3/5 though it's not bad.
Dennis Wilson
3/5
This is gonna be a beach boys side project for sure.
Yeah not too bad, nothing special but it didn't piss me off. 3/5.
Doves
3/5
With a name like "doves" it's gonna be indie nonsense, probably UK *again* and probably unheard of outside the UK.
Ok that wasn't too bad really. Not great, it just kinda existed - and did so for a bit too long, in a very "this is from England" way - but I couldn't say I wanted to smash anything out of frustration. 3/5.
Giant Sand
2/5
Indie for sure. I'm gonna say NOT UK though. Looks more US.
Oh yep indie and pretty boring. Meandered around from slightly interesting to fucking dull. Went too long. Also: reading wikipedia, that's a lot of band members for an album that most of the time is just vocals and guitar or piano lol. 2/5.
U2
3/5
This is about the 4th U2 album so far... surely the last, I'm only about 15 albums from the end. It's ok. I've heard a couple of tracks from it before, but not the whole thing. I always forget that U2 kinda started out doing a new wave thing, but eh. I felt neither overwhelmed nor underwhelmed here. Simply whelmed. 3/5.
Christina Aguilera
2/5
2 Christina albums?? Ok, Dimery had the hots for her for sure. Björk for his "I'm an intellectual" moments, Christina when he just wants something skanky... but gotta say, she's obviously dialled that back a bit since 2002. Album art is atrocious. Font and colour scheme straight from some bedroom DIY new age album called something hilariously cheesy like "Aquarius Dreaming".
aaaand it's garbage pop music same as the other one. Pretends to be some kind of retro jazz thing, but adding fake pop/fizz samples to 2000s R&B doesn't add class or make it anything but 2000s R&B. She does that wailing idol singer thing well, but... eh? This is just too much. 2/5.
Update: HAHA someone else had the exact same thought as me. High five!
The Dandy Warhols
3/5
I fucking hated this band in the 90s. They were always being played on music clip shows instead of cool things like metal, lol. But let's see in 2023.
Ok it's not all out hateable anymore. It's mildly annoying in that way that 90s alternative usually is, but it's not unique or awful. Just bland, monotonous, overlong and thinks it's artsy when it's not (see band name). But it could be far, far worse. 3/5.
Dexys Midnight Runners
1/5
Another album by these guys? THREE?! Fuck, ok.
Oh fucking hell was the singing this annoying before?? Just more dumb English pub rock. Fuck off for crying out loud. 1/5.
Dagmar Krause
2/5
This is uh... pretty offbeat. Has the feel of show tunes but it's surely also a bit too inaccessible for that. Maybe some kind of independent theatre production that runs on off nights. But I... don't hate it? On paper I fucking hate it, but I kinda don't. It's a complete and utter wank, sniffs its own farts and tells itself it's very intellectually stimulating. 2/5.
Girls Against Boys
3/5
There are far more "post-hardcore" albums here than quality, influence, popularity, depth etc demand. I guess the author just liked the scene at the time. This wasn't a bad album by any means, but it *was* unremarkable. 3/5.
The Beta Band
2/5
Ok, that album art IS a bumhole of fire, isn't it. ahahaha. That's fuckin fantastic. Deserves a prize. I'll even overlook it if it turns out to be from the UK (it will). Sadly though, there's no way it'll live up to that cover. I feel like unless it's super-catchy gay disco a la scissor sisters, it's gonna be a disappointment.
Yeah, it didn't maintain the momentum. Boring vague electronica... and UK. What a shame. 2/5.
The Associates
2/5
1982? I bet it's UK new wave no one has heard of outside the UK.
Nailed it. But fuck off, christ. 2/5.
The Thrills
2/5
An Irish band that's obsessed with Americana, singing indie pop about America when they probably hadn't been to America when they wrote this album. Also, I guess half the people on the cover aren't actually in the band? Christ, it's sugary sweet. I imagine this is the sort of music they play in insane asylums to try and keep everyone happy, but it just drives everyone even madder. 2/5.
The Zutons
2/5
Cover art and title suggested it'd be kinda wild. It was not wild. Just more bland UK indie rock. 2/5.
Kings of Leon
3/5
It's a bit pompous and overblown but it also does an epic rock thing that gets pretty catchy. They're no guns and roses but it's still a 3/5.
The Good, The Bad & The Queen
2/5
Album art screams rockabilly horrorpunk (the genre exists) but that isn't Dimery's style. It might be though? Art doesn't scream UK either, but again... it's Dimery...
Oh fucking hell it IS from England, and Damon Albarn to boot. Zero rockabilly after the intro, mostly sounds like gloomy English half-rock, a bit like Albarn's other garbage. Big 2/5 vibe.
The KLF
2/5
I remember the name of this band but am pretty unfamiliar with them. I can remember a line like "KLF, uh-huh uh-huh". Electronica, probably UK.
Hey lol they *are* from the UK. It's... boring. It feels like a sample bank with 808 beats underneath - which is what it is of course, but that's just not something very interesting. Especially not in 2023. 2/5.
LTJ Bukem
3/5
Cover looks like some kind of cool sci fi movie. Will this just turn out to be UK electronica? Course it will lol.
Album isn't on Spotify so I listened to the *Journey Inwards* album instead, from 2000. Exactly as predicted. PlayStation soundtrack UK techno. 3/5 just because I couldn't hear the actual album.
2/5
Second album by these guys here, their THIRTEENTH overall. English (ofc), mostly just an orchestra with the singer waxing lyrical over the top. Pompous and overblown, ambitious but directionless. etc etc. As a general rule, albums 30 years into a band's career just shouldn't be here. I'm sure there are some exceptions, but not today.
Wikipedia says the album was plagued by "personal conflict", and to hazard a guess: the singer wrote the whole thing by himself and rest of the band told him to stick this vanity project nonsense up his arse. Eventually the singer had it released anyway. Wiki also says it was "praised by critics" - I'm not gonna go looking for reviews, but.... I bet it wasn't. lol. 2/5.