Aladdin Sane

David Bowie is starting to feel like a comedy figure. While Nick Cave has brought nothing but boredom thus far, the other mainstay in this increasingly predictable list at least tries to mix it up. It usually produces the effect of mixing Valium and Alcohol, but at least it’s a mix. I don’t have google up here so I don’t know if that’s how he died. It wasn’t meant to be that deep a shot. Anyway. Onward from the sky. Oh he’s doing Elton John. Not that way you FREAK. Listen to me talking to my imaginary readers. I wish I was better informed. What is it called when those horns are in the background and always sound that exact same way? It’s almost a sample for 90’s edutainment video outros. This is a big time whatever but not producing the type of vitriol I normally feel at this time in a David Bowie “experience.” Still bad. Ok everybody allow me to introduce your performer this evening. You may remember him from LAST Tuesday’s performance at this very downtown Winnipeg Piano Bar. He’ll be wearing Sting makeup this week and drinks are 2 for 1. David Bowie! Read that over the opening strains of Aladdin Sane. He sucks. He can’t sing and the songs stink, so very often. Eh the insane piano chords over the discordant horns kind of work for me actually. Fuck. Maybe I am being entertained in sunny downtown Winnipeg. I suppose many of the street residents there may produce sounds like this if offered a piano. He still can’t sing, but fuck me if that wasn’t a cool oddity. I hate myself. I thought Saturdays were alright for fighting??? Not Drive-Ins. Unless they’re watching the big Inoki-Ali fight. That could be at a drive-in. Anyway. He really should never sing. We have returned to the horrid stench of David’s vocalizing. It doesn’t seem intentionally bad or bizarre. Just bad. Alright. Wrap it up Dave. Let’s go home brother. A guy called Brian has a garage band that he started after his divorce in Davenport, Iowa. This is actually their cover. It made it onto Spotify. It’s that sloppy to my ear. This is meat and potatoes rock where the meat is tofu and the potatoes are a piece of paper smudged with potato saying “IOU - DB”. Is that a guitar? At this hour? Oh my god this riff sounds elderly. The actual riff sounds like it’s creaking to life after years of dormancy. Which I can’t say I hate. The rest of this? Guess what? Sucks. Never say “Suck baby Suck” ever again. I never want to hear those words in that order ever again. In my life. Time keeps on ticking here. David gets his theatre moment. Ope. We almost got up to a point of intrigue but we had to dial back so we could hear Big Dave really belt this one out. I think because theatre music is so truly terrible, if this occurred during a play, I’d think it was my favourite song of the play, however “my favourite song of the play,” means the worst song on most albums. TWO extended La La La sections crooned by history’s most evil man make for a hellscape I wasn’t prepared for. The only thing picking this song up for me, is laughing at the thought of somebody sending this song to their potential love interest. Hearing this ghoulish twink croon “you’re my prettiest star,” over the backing music for “The Monster Mash,” would send anybody into hysterics, laughing OR screaming. Now that I’ve called you my prettiest star, let’s spend the night together. But first, allow me to play you a song from the jukebox in this space diner. It’s the cheapest one, as I’m light on change. Look into my eyes as we eat soggy onion rings and you try to remember the bus route home. The weird schizophrenic outro was a little cool, but it returned to stenchtown before I could really appreciate the strange turn. Oh buddy. The rattlers are out. Hell yeah pal. Bowie’s got his jeans on and those boots are kicking up dust. This sounds like he is dancing in a bar with the help of wires in a marionette western. He occurs to me as a frail cyborg. We did not need to excursion to the swamp/desert here. No denim based withes were granted by the Jean Genie. Fuck. He keeps trying to sing hey? Well we’re coming to our final station to station aren’t we. Have I already used that joke? Whatever. Not everybody should make music. That’s what David reinforces in me. Holy shit there is going to be like 15 Bowie albums on this list isn’t there? I can see at least 4 covers I recognize in the “related” section of this stinker. Ugh. A least I get one of my reprieves following Aladdin Sane. The title track itself was so weird that I genuinely liked it. I thought to myself “maybe we’ve finally reached weird Bowie.” I was almost perversely intrigued by what would happen. The rest seemed like a sketch from an avant-garde comedian. Is that even a thing one can be? Like when SCTV did full movie parodies with no laugh track. It felt like it had comedic elements, but I also never laughed. I really didn’t cry either. I just wasted about 41 minutes of a flight around the world in order to listen to another trek through mediocrity with Mr. overrated himself, the great spaceman, D-Bow. See you next time, ya bum. 1 HIGHLIGHTS: Aladdin Sane

I just can't get into Bowie

Before Absolute Beginners there was Absolute Rubbish (sans Jean Genie). No wonder he killed off Ziggy months after this came out.

Bowie REALLY sucks. I wish this app would make me stop listening to him

I guess Bowie isn’t my cup of tea… sorry

Not a fan of the style...

It’s a Bowie album from the 70s. Very similar to the other 2 albums of his on this list from the 70s. I like Bowie……but not as much as the author of this book.

Of the Bowie songs, it has a few

Did not do it for me. Not a big fan of this one except the last song.

This is absolutely the worst album I've heard in my life. I do not know the impact this album had on music as a whole when it was released about 50 years ago now, but I do know for sure this sucks balls in 2024. At least for me. I have no fucking idea what that keyboardist/pianist was doing throughout the album. Everything he played sounded wrong. I understand it might have been intentional, but man it didn't work. AT ALL. So horrible. Every note he played sounded wrong. His piano solo in the title track 'Aladdin Sane' hurt my ears. They're still bleeding. What in the absurd, schizophrenic bullshit was that album? It sucked so much i wish I'd never heard it. I understand Bowie was a legend and is still considered one, but I will need some solid proof why after listening to this utter crapfest. Maybe I'll try a couple other albums of his just to be sure, once I've recovered from this torture. 0 stars from my end, but unfortunately there's no option for that.

Bad singer lmao

Still too wack

Couldn’t finish it…

david bowie just does not make music i enjoy

Meh

i tried so hard to enjoy it. not a single song that i enjoyed. a lot of noise and my head slightly hurts. couldn't tell you what caused that exactly though. wait. i spoke too soon lady grinning soul is gorgeous. amen! 1/10.

Similar to Prince & Purple Rain... I think I like David Bowie music, but this album was just not it for me.

Not his best album, Huge Bowie fan but this one's not for me

Not a fan

He should have used one of those wishes for the ability to make good music. 3 Bowie albums so far, 3 trash albums so far.

No me gustó nada la verdad, aunque bailamos con Vico

- zu 100% nicht meins (werde Bowie, noch Glam Rock) - auch wenn ich das Album durchgehört habe, ist mir kein Song wirklich positiv im Kopf geblieben - der Track Aladdin Sane sogar eher negativ mit dem Klavier-Geklimpere (für viele wahrscheinlich eher etwas, was heraussticht und künstlerisch der Shit ist und somit nahe an der Ketzerei meine Aussage -sorry dafür) - 1 / 5

Unpopular opinion: this was hard to get through.

Sorry, maybe I'm in a bad mood but this did nothing for me. I think I'm just not a Bowie fan.

Know: none Favorites: none

actually trash i hate boomers and their "music" with a passion

Album No. 1 of 1001 - I really don't care much for Bowie, and this confirmed my suspicion. Apart from the 'hits' the other just sounded like improv noise and album fillers. Did not care for it.

I have no idea what any of these songs are talking about except for "Time". Such an annoying album. I hated it. Also, is that drop on Bowie's left collarbone supposed to look like a penis with a saggy ball sack?

Nicht ganz gehört, aber die ersten ~6 Lieder sind sooo langweilig, muss 1 Stern geben - vllt besser bei längerem Hören aber es ist es nicht wert.

Just noise

Fucking tired of Bowies CDs. Are you gonna fuckin recommend me all the fucking discography? Dude wasn't that good, for fucks sake

El bowas parteix mes la pana del que creia

Konnte kein Lied durchhören. Zu viele Intrumente die zu komische Sachen spielen, dazu immergleiches gejaule vom Bowinger. 1* würde es nie wieder hören. Entweder die Lieder schleppen sich so dahin wie eine 180 jährige mit Morbus Bechterew oder klirren in den Ohren mit dem verdammten rocknroll klavier gebimmel. Absolut schlecht. Höre jetzt wieder nen neuen edwin rosen BANGER! Den hätte Bowie mal featuren sollen.

Terrible, awful, I do not like David Bowie, as previously discussed here. Not for me.

Time, Aladdin Sane, the prettiest star, lady grinning soul 😫😫😫